Archive for the ‘Bill Clinton’ tag
The Chicken — just for fun
Why did the chicken cross the road?
>
>
>
>?
>
>BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was
>
>time for a change! The chicken wanted change!
>
>?
>
>JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road
>
>because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and
>
>dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the
>
>road.
>
>?
>
>HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped
>
>that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes
>
>me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that
>
>every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to
>
>cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.
>
>?
>
>?
>
>?
>
>GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken
>
>crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on
>
>our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either again st
>
>us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
>
>?
>
>DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
>
>?
>
>COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can
>
>clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the
>
>road.
>
>?
>
>BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.
>
>What is your definition of chicken?
>
>?
>
>AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
>
>?
>
>JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the
>
>road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross,
>
>and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am
>
>not for it now, and will remain against it.
>
>?
>
>?
>
>
>?
>
>DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken
>
>won't realize that he must first deal with the problem
>
>on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on
>
>the other side of th e road. What we need to do is help him
>
>realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his
>
>current problems before adding new problems.
>
>?
>
>OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having
>
>problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad.
>
>So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and
>
>take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give
>
>this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road
>
>and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
>
>?
>
>?
>
>ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a
>
>chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to
>
>the other side of the road.
>
>?
>
>NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's
>
>guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
>
>?
>
>PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking
>
>American.>
>
>MARTHA ST EWART: No one called me to warn me which way that
>
>chicken was going. I had a standing order at the
>
>Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped
>
>to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider
>
>information.
>
>?
>
>DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it
>
>with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it
>
>crossed I've not been told.
>
>?
>
>ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
>
>?
>
>BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few
>
>moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the
>
>first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a
>
>serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish it's
>
>lifelong dream of crossing the road.
>
>?
>
>ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
>
>?
>
>JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing
>
>roads together, in peace. Yaha aaaa. . .
>
>?
>
>?
>
>BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2008, which will
>
>not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important
>
>documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is
>
>an integral part of eChicken 2008. This new platform is much
>
>more stable and will never crash or need to be rebooted.
>
>?
>
>ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or
>
>did the road move beneath the chicken?
>
>?
>
>COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
>
>
>
>
>?
>
>BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was
>
>time for a change! The chicken wanted change!
>
>?
>
>JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road
>
>because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and
>
>dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the
>
>road.
>
>?
>
>HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped
>
>that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes
>
>me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that
>
>every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to
>
>cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.
>
>?
>
>?
>
>?
>
>GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken
>
>crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on
>
>our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either again st
>
>us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
>
>?
>
>DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
>
>?
>
>COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can
>
>clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the
>
>road.
>
>?
>
>BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.
>
>What is your definition of chicken?
>
>?
>
>AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
>
>?
>
>JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the
>
>road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross,
>
>and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am
>
>not for it now, and will remain against it.
>
>?
>
>?
>
>
>?
>
>DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken
>
>won't realize that he must first deal with the problem
>
>on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on
>
>the other side of th e road. What we need to do is help him
>
>realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his
>
>current problems before adding new problems.
>
>?
>
>OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having
>
>problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad.
>
>So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and
>
>take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give
>
>this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road
>
>and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
>
>?
>
>?
>
>ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a
>
>chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to
>
>the other side of the road.
>
>?
>
>NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's
>
>guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
>
>?
>
>PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking
>
>American.>
>
>MARTHA ST EWART: No one called me to warn me which way that
>
>chicken was going. I had a standing order at the
>
>Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped
>
>to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider
>
>information.
>
>?
>
>DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it
>
>with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it
>
>crossed I've not been told.
>
>?
>
>ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
>
>?
>
>BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few
>
>moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the
>
>first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a
>
>serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish it's
>
>lifelong dream of crossing the road.
>
>?
>
>ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
>
>?
>
>JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing
>
>roads together, in peace. Yaha aaaa. . .
>
>?
>
>?
>
>BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2008, which will
>
>not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important
>
>documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is
>
>an integral part of eChicken 2008. This new platform is much
>
>more stable and will never crash or need to be rebooted.
>
>?
>
>ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or
>
>did the road move beneath the chicken?
>
>?
>
>COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
>
The Patch
White House staffers were perplexed one morning to see Bill Clinton walk into the Oval Office with a pair of woman's panties on his arm.
Somewhat used to the president's tendencies, they let it go and went about their daily tasks. The day wore on, several VIPs were ushered in and out of the Oval Office for meetings with Clinton about important affairs of the state.
Each one left with a puzzled expression on their face, but no one dared ask the President's personal business.
Finally, Betty Currie, Clinton's loyal secretary, walked into the office between appointments and gently closed the door behind her.
"Mr. President," she said. "We've come to expect many unusual things from you, but we're all quite concerned that you seem to be wearing a pair of woman's panties on your arm. Please tell me this doesn't mean more trouble."
"On no," the President grinned. "It's a Patch. I'm trying to quit."
Somewhat used to the president's tendencies, they let it go and went about their daily tasks. The day wore on, several VIPs were ushered in and out of the Oval Office for meetings with Clinton about important affairs of the state.
Each one left with a puzzled expression on their face, but no one dared ask the President's personal business.
Finally, Betty Currie, Clinton's loyal secretary, walked into the office between appointments and gently closed the door behind her.
"Mr. President," she said. "We've come to expect many unusual things from you, but we're all quite concerned that you seem to be wearing a pair of woman's panties on your arm. Please tell me this doesn't mean more trouble."
"On no," the President grinned. "It's a Patch. I'm trying to quit."
