Archive for the ‘Bipolar Ii’ tag
Need help helping others understand mental health
Hi everyone! I have posted infrequently in this forum as I am a dual-diagnosis with opiate addiction adn spend most of my time there. But now I need help from those of you with experience.
I have suffered with depression since I was a child, but did not start anti-d until I was 25. I was a very moody child, had middle-child syndrome to the tee!. So I stayed on anti-d for a few years then decided to stop. Go figure I chose to go off them at one of the worst times in my family's life, but I got through it. But afterwards I sank into a deep depression adn started up again. I have been on more anti-d than I can count. A few years ago I was diagnosed as bipolar II. I don't know if I just was in denial that I was anything other than depression, but I was very hesitant about taking any other meds. I ended up agreeing on a few different mood stabilizer (not anti-psychotics). My friends knew I struggled, and my lows were so low that I would call in to work for a 1 at a time (I'm an RN). I started abusing medications like nyquil and other OTC drugs similar (cough medicine). If I had bronchitis I always asks for tussinex--a great codein cough medicine. HHowever, it did' tbother me once I ran out--did' feel like i needed it. Until I start taking pills, that's where it all went down hill and I've abused opiate for the last 2 years--up to 20-40 15mg oxys daily. I would work high, everyday of my life I had to be loaded up in order to be able to get anything done. It was when I finally emotionally collapsed and revealed it to my family that my life was coming to an end. I did not think I could ever be functional again. Fortuatnely now, I am living at my parent's house--2 hours away from where I was living.
The point of starting this thread (that I almost forgot!) Is that my best friend is having a realy hard time understanding why I can't just pull up my bootstraps and suck it up (my 2 least fav sayings!). I've tried explaining it in al ways possible but she really isn't getting it. She thinks that I am allowing myself stay depressed and I'm not going out there trying to get better. I told her she had no clue how bad I was when I went to detox. I truly felt like I wold never feel better at anytime in my lifef. She is a very religious person, and I think this is what makes a difference as well. However, the problem I have with her not understanding is that she was bulemic up until a few years ago. Bulemia , like drugs ancohol is a disease as well. Really I'm just asking for help from anyone who they have had to explain this to. I livein FL and was supposed to go see her in Chicago this past Wed. I decided on Tues night that I couldn't go--I didn't feel physically (from the drugs) or mentally (from teh depression). I had a conversation ont he phone with her on Tuesday and I think that is what made me call off the trip--she just reiterated how I need to suck it up and look at eachday as a gift. That is so much easier said than done. I do try to do that, but you hit rock bttom, things aren't going to change in the blink of an eye. Also. she does not believe that mental health issues are considered diseaes. the real problem I hav with this is that sh was bulemic for years--aren't eatin diorders considred disease as well? I'mjust confused becuae I am heart broken that I didn't go up there--I told her it's because I just still don't feel strong enough. Her 2 yr old girl is my godaughter who I have seen only times. She also has a 1 yr old girl that I haven't seen since she was 2 weeks old. My friend was doing everything possible to keep my day dull so that I would not have too much downtime. I think if we had had a better talk the day before I was to leave, it may have been differen, but because she was still not truly realizing the severit of what happened, I was feeling like I may disappoint her up there if I were to have a bad day or deal with strong need to use.
So, after this rambling, does anyone have any suggestions on approaching this with her? We've been best friends for so long and she has been there with me through some rough times. No one, not even here, knew about the addiction until I was told I had to go to detox. then only my family and 2 choice friends found out about it. Actually I was so nervous about tellig her I could'nt even call her for a week because I as ashamed. So, my qusestion to you all, if you are willing to help, is to give me some guidance on how to handle this situation. i want her to understand so badly. I helped her the best I could through her eating disorder, and she credits me with helping her. Any and all suggestions are appreciated!!1
I have suffered with depression since I was a child, but did not start anti-d until I was 25. I was a very moody child, had middle-child syndrome to the tee!. So I stayed on anti-d for a few years then decided to stop. Go figure I chose to go off them at one of the worst times in my family's life, but I got through it. But afterwards I sank into a deep depression adn started up again. I have been on more anti-d than I can count. A few years ago I was diagnosed as bipolar II. I don't know if I just was in denial that I was anything other than depression, but I was very hesitant about taking any other meds. I ended up agreeing on a few different mood stabilizer (not anti-psychotics). My friends knew I struggled, and my lows were so low that I would call in to work for a 1 at a time (I'm an RN). I started abusing medications like nyquil and other OTC drugs similar (cough medicine). If I had bronchitis I always asks for tussinex--a great codein cough medicine. HHowever, it did' tbother me once I ran out--did' feel like i needed it. Until I start taking pills, that's where it all went down hill and I've abused opiate for the last 2 years--up to 20-40 15mg oxys daily. I would work high, everyday of my life I had to be loaded up in order to be able to get anything done. It was when I finally emotionally collapsed and revealed it to my family that my life was coming to an end. I did not think I could ever be functional again. Fortuatnely now, I am living at my parent's house--2 hours away from where I was living.
The point of starting this thread (that I almost forgot!) Is that my best friend is having a realy hard time understanding why I can't just pull up my bootstraps and suck it up (my 2 least fav sayings!). I've tried explaining it in al ways possible but she really isn't getting it. She thinks that I am allowing myself stay depressed and I'm not going out there trying to get better. I told her she had no clue how bad I was when I went to detox. I truly felt like I wold never feel better at anytime in my lifef. She is a very religious person, and I think this is what makes a difference as well. However, the problem I have with her not understanding is that she was bulemic up until a few years ago. Bulemia , like drugs ancohol is a disease as well. Really I'm just asking for help from anyone who they have had to explain this to. I livein FL and was supposed to go see her in Chicago this past Wed. I decided on Tues night that I couldn't go--I didn't feel physically (from the drugs) or mentally (from teh depression). I had a conversation ont he phone with her on Tuesday and I think that is what made me call off the trip--she just reiterated how I need to suck it up and look at eachday as a gift. That is so much easier said than done. I do try to do that, but you hit rock bttom, things aren't going to change in the blink of an eye. Also. she does not believe that mental health issues are considered diseaes. the real problem I hav with this is that sh was bulemic for years--aren't eatin diorders considred disease as well? I'mjust confused becuae I am heart broken that I didn't go up there--I told her it's because I just still don't feel strong enough. Her 2 yr old girl is my godaughter who I have seen only times. She also has a 1 yr old girl that I haven't seen since she was 2 weeks old. My friend was doing everything possible to keep my day dull so that I would not have too much downtime. I think if we had had a better talk the day before I was to leave, it may have been differen, but because she was still not truly realizing the severit of what happened, I was feeling like I may disappoint her up there if I were to have a bad day or deal with strong need to use.
So, after this rambling, does anyone have any suggestions on approaching this with her? We've been best friends for so long and she has been there with me through some rough times. No one, not even here, knew about the addiction until I was told I had to go to detox. then only my family and 2 choice friends found out about it. Actually I was so nervous about tellig her I could'nt even call her for a week because I as ashamed. So, my qusestion to you all, if you are willing to help, is to give me some guidance on how to handle this situation. i want her to understand so badly. I helped her the best I could through her eating disorder, and she credits me with helping her. Any and all suggestions are appreciated!!1
Anyone on Seroquel?
My MD wants to start me on seroquel, starting tonight, for my bipolar (II). I have been on effexor, lamictal and abilify, but he's going to change everything especially by taking me off of the effexor and abilify (ravenous appetite with abilify though it works well). Anyway, I just read through the side effects of seroquel and am worried about some of them--especially the weight gain. Does anyone have any thoughts on this drug and if it's good or not? Thank yoU!
Treatment for bipolar II
I have lived (or suffered with) depression for years, diagnosed and started treatment in 2001 but had it for years before that. I've been on a number of anti-depressants but after 6 months they always seemed to fail me. A few years ago I started seeing a new doc who told me I was bipolar II--I said yea, right--I wish I was then I'd have the manic episodes and actually get some stuff done during the day! She started me on a different antidepressant and lamictal. Over the last two years she has changed the anti-depressant several times and kept wanting to add different meds, but I think I was in denial. I have a lot of education in the mental health field, and I really didn't believe I was bipolar.
Anyway, currently I'm on effexor 150mg daily, lamictal 200mg daily, abilify 2mg daily. I'm also dual-diagnosis--bipolar and substance abuse. I recently (this month) went through detox for opiate abuse. For the last year at least I know that my symptoms and frequent depressive episodes were caused by my pill use, so I know that I wasn't appropriately being treated--it was my fault. This week I started seeing a different psychiatrist, and he said I should in no way be on an anti-depressant and he couldn't believe I had been on one in so long. Also, because of the wt gain with abilify, he wants to take me off that as well and start me on Geodon. Is anyone here on Geodon? Has anyone been on abilify and prefer one over the other? The research I've done shows that lamictal is a good drug, so I'm going to stay on that. Unfortunately we can't change my meds around right now because we have to get me stable from the pill use/withdrawal. Any advice or suggestions greatly appreciated. Thanks!
Anyway, currently I'm on effexor 150mg daily, lamictal 200mg daily, abilify 2mg daily. I'm also dual-diagnosis--bipolar and substance abuse. I recently (this month) went through detox for opiate abuse. For the last year at least I know that my symptoms and frequent depressive episodes were caused by my pill use, so I know that I wasn't appropriately being treated--it was my fault. This week I started seeing a different psychiatrist, and he said I should in no way be on an anti-depressant and he couldn't believe I had been on one in so long. Also, because of the wt gain with abilify, he wants to take me off that as well and start me on Geodon. Is anyone here on Geodon? Has anyone been on abilify and prefer one over the other? The research I've done shows that lamictal is a good drug, so I'm going to stay on that. Unfortunately we can't change my meds around right now because we have to get me stable from the pill use/withdrawal. Any advice or suggestions greatly appreciated. Thanks!
New here-pill addict-suboxone user
I posted this in Newcomers section before I looked through site further and found this forum:
I'm searching the internet and trying to find some online support groups. My city is pitiful in that it has very few NA meetings, and I don't like, for some reason I don't understand, AA meetings. I am a recovering pain pill addict. I laugh when I say recovering because it has only been 44 hours! I went to detox Labor Day weekend and was there for 3 days. I went there of my own free will. Up until that day no one in my life new that I was abusing pills. I was taking up to 30 oxys a day-even while I was working, and I was completely functional. I'm a 32 year old female, I'm an RN and was doing home health. I can't believe I worked in the condition I was in, but it was the only way I could make it through the day, to function and get things done. I told my parents 2 days before I went to detox about what I was doing and they were so supportive. My mom came and drove me there and picked me up. I was living in Tampa, FL, but after detox my parents made me move to their home in Ft. Myers, FL, so that is where I am now. I relapsed the day after I got out of detox, but I can rationalize and say I only took 3 pills. I did throw the rest away the next mornign and was clean for 2 weeks. I also have bipolar II (I don't have the true manic highs, just a hypomania but my major issue is severe depression). I don't know who I am--what I feel like as a 'normal' person becuase I don't know what 'normal' is for me. During the 2 weeks I was clean, I started feeling better and better. I actually dare to say I felt good on some of those days. That is what led to me relapsing again--I did not know how to deal with feeling good if it wasn't drug induced. I didn't have a reason to feel good--I'm a drug addict, I'm 32 and living with my parents after 14 years living on my own, I've had to leave my job (that I was at for 5 years--I loved my job-my boss doesn't know what is going on, just that I have severe depression), I've moved out of the house nad city that I loved, I've left my friends. What do I have to feel good about? So, the answer is to take pills becuase then I know how and why I feel good! It's pitiful! I know all about addiction. Believe it or not I was working on my master's degree in psych/mental health to become a nurse practitioner. I've studied addiction in-depth, yet here I am, an addict. I grew up in a wonderful, loving family, my parents have been married 37 years, I have a great brother and sister, I'm intelligent--graduated college the top of my class and the nursing class president, and I just started my master's in forensic nursing at Duquesne University-a top private university. Yet, again, here I am--at rock bottom. It just goes to show that addiction does not care about age, race, religion, socioeconomic status, etc.
I went to a new patient appointment on Tuesdya with a psychiatrist who specializes in addiction and bi-polar. He said he needed to urine test me before doing anything. I thought oh ****! I used the night before. I had to admit that I had used again and had for the past 2 weeks. He wanted to start me on Suboxone. I was against it--the real reason? I had a pill in my pocket I wanted to use! You can't use when on Suboxone because you won't get any high off of it. I told him I didn't want to use it becuas ei had heard negative things about it. I went home that night, took about 5 pills, then got up and threw away the rest of what I had. Of course I am rationalizing the whole time--I used to take 30 a day, I'm only taking 5 tonight, that's a lot less than before. But the thing is, when I first relapsed, I only took one a night, now I'm up to 5 and that actually happened in only a 5 day period! I'm on my way back up in the # of pills I'm taking and on my way back down into hell. I called the doc Wed morning and went in there today and started the pills--the drug that is supposed to make me not want to take drugs! ha! Anyway, I've been on it today, and I have felt better. I am not having withdrawal symptoms-last time I didn't feel withdrawal until after 4 days, but this drug is supposed to help me not have those effects. In addition it is supposed to help with cravings. My cravings have been ridiculous--that is what also led to me relapsing-I couldn't over come the cravings. I've been in the drug seeking mode. Now the problem I seem to have, and I hope anyone reading this can help, is that since I feel better now that I started the suboxone, it's like it was with pills--I feel better, but I want to feel even better as well as since I feel better, what do I do with it? Like pills, I want to take more, but with Subxone you can't do that--it will throw you into acute withdrawal. So I know I won't take more than I'm supposed to, but is this part of the drug? Is this normal for first time users of Suboxone? Anyone that has any information would be greatly appreciated.
I'm sorry this is sooooo long--I obviously needed to get a lot out. I'm just so frustrated and angry with myself that I let myself get to this point. I can't believe I relapsed 1 day after detox. Yes, I made myself throw it all away, but the fact is I did it. I was clean 2 weeks, but then relapsed again! Addiction is hell, it has total control over our lives and our mind. The psychological component of addiction has so much control--it's like the devil pulling you down. I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel--I know it is there, I just need to keep reaching for it. But damn this is a struggle.
Thanks y'all for reading...
Sunflower
I'm searching the internet and trying to find some online support groups. My city is pitiful in that it has very few NA meetings, and I don't like, for some reason I don't understand, AA meetings. I am a recovering pain pill addict. I laugh when I say recovering because it has only been 44 hours! I went to detox Labor Day weekend and was there for 3 days. I went there of my own free will. Up until that day no one in my life new that I was abusing pills. I was taking up to 30 oxys a day-even while I was working, and I was completely functional. I'm a 32 year old female, I'm an RN and was doing home health. I can't believe I worked in the condition I was in, but it was the only way I could make it through the day, to function and get things done. I told my parents 2 days before I went to detox about what I was doing and they were so supportive. My mom came and drove me there and picked me up. I was living in Tampa, FL, but after detox my parents made me move to their home in Ft. Myers, FL, so that is where I am now. I relapsed the day after I got out of detox, but I can rationalize and say I only took 3 pills. I did throw the rest away the next mornign and was clean for 2 weeks. I also have bipolar II (I don't have the true manic highs, just a hypomania but my major issue is severe depression). I don't know who I am--what I feel like as a 'normal' person becuase I don't know what 'normal' is for me. During the 2 weeks I was clean, I started feeling better and better. I actually dare to say I felt good on some of those days. That is what led to me relapsing again--I did not know how to deal with feeling good if it wasn't drug induced. I didn't have a reason to feel good--I'm a drug addict, I'm 32 and living with my parents after 14 years living on my own, I've had to leave my job (that I was at for 5 years--I loved my job-my boss doesn't know what is going on, just that I have severe depression), I've moved out of the house nad city that I loved, I've left my friends. What do I have to feel good about? So, the answer is to take pills becuase then I know how and why I feel good! It's pitiful! I know all about addiction. Believe it or not I was working on my master's degree in psych/mental health to become a nurse practitioner. I've studied addiction in-depth, yet here I am, an addict. I grew up in a wonderful, loving family, my parents have been married 37 years, I have a great brother and sister, I'm intelligent--graduated college the top of my class and the nursing class president, and I just started my master's in forensic nursing at Duquesne University-a top private university. Yet, again, here I am--at rock bottom. It just goes to show that addiction does not care about age, race, religion, socioeconomic status, etc.
I went to a new patient appointment on Tuesdya with a psychiatrist who specializes in addiction and bi-polar. He said he needed to urine test me before doing anything. I thought oh ****! I used the night before. I had to admit that I had used again and had for the past 2 weeks. He wanted to start me on Suboxone. I was against it--the real reason? I had a pill in my pocket I wanted to use! You can't use when on Suboxone because you won't get any high off of it. I told him I didn't want to use it becuas ei had heard negative things about it. I went home that night, took about 5 pills, then got up and threw away the rest of what I had. Of course I am rationalizing the whole time--I used to take 30 a day, I'm only taking 5 tonight, that's a lot less than before. But the thing is, when I first relapsed, I only took one a night, now I'm up to 5 and that actually happened in only a 5 day period! I'm on my way back up in the # of pills I'm taking and on my way back down into hell. I called the doc Wed morning and went in there today and started the pills--the drug that is supposed to make me not want to take drugs! ha! Anyway, I've been on it today, and I have felt better. I am not having withdrawal symptoms-last time I didn't feel withdrawal until after 4 days, but this drug is supposed to help me not have those effects. In addition it is supposed to help with cravings. My cravings have been ridiculous--that is what also led to me relapsing-I couldn't over come the cravings. I've been in the drug seeking mode. Now the problem I seem to have, and I hope anyone reading this can help, is that since I feel better now that I started the suboxone, it's like it was with pills--I feel better, but I want to feel even better as well as since I feel better, what do I do with it? Like pills, I want to take more, but with Subxone you can't do that--it will throw you into acute withdrawal. So I know I won't take more than I'm supposed to, but is this part of the drug? Is this normal for first time users of Suboxone? Anyone that has any information would be greatly appreciated.
I'm sorry this is sooooo long--I obviously needed to get a lot out. I'm just so frustrated and angry with myself that I let myself get to this point. I can't believe I relapsed 1 day after detox. Yes, I made myself throw it all away, but the fact is I did it. I was clean 2 weeks, but then relapsed again! Addiction is hell, it has total control over our lives and our mind. The psychological component of addiction has so much control--it's like the devil pulling you down. I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel--I know it is there, I just need to keep reaching for it. But damn this is a struggle.
Thanks y'all for reading...
Sunflower
How do I handle it all? Pill addict; Suboxone user
I'm searching the internet and trying to find some online support groups. My city is pitiful in that it has very few NA meetings, and I don't like, for some reason I don't understand, AA meetings. I am a recovering pain pill addict. I laugh when I say recovering because it has only been 44 hours! I went to detox Labor Day weekend and was there for 3 days. I went there of my own free will. Up until that day no one in my life new that I was abusing pills. I was taking up to 30 oxys a day-even while I was working, and I was completely functional. I'm a 32 year old female, I'm an RN and was doing home health. I can't believe I worked in the condition I was in, but it was the only way I could make it through the day, to function and get things done. I told my parents 2 days before I went to detox about what I was doing and they were so supportive. My mom came and drove me there and picked me up. I was living in Tampa, FL, but after detox my parents made me move to their home in Ft. Myers, FL, so that is where I am now. I relapsed the day after I got out of detox, but I can rationalize and say I only took 3 pills. I did throw the rest away the next mornign and was clean for 2 weeks. I also have bipolar II (I don't have the true manic highs, just a hypomania but my major issue is severe depression). I don't know who I am--what I feel like as a 'normal' person becuase I don't know what 'normal' is for me. During the 2 weeks I was clean, I started feeling better and better. I actually dare to say I felt good on some of those days. That is what led to me relapsing again--I did not know how to deal with feeling good if it wasn't drug induced. I didn't have a reason to feel good--I'm a drug addict, I'm 32 and living with my parents after 14 years living on my own, I've had to leave my job (that I was at for 5 years--I loved my job-my boss doesn't know what is going on, just that I have severe depression), I've moved out of the house nad city that I loved, I've left my friends. What do I have to feel good about? So, the answer is to take pills becuase then I know how and why I feel good! It's pitiful! I know all about addiction. Believe it or not I was working on my master's degree in psych/mental health to become a nurse practitioner. I've studied addiction in-depth, yet here I am, an addict. I grew up in a wonderful, loving family, my parents have been married 37 years, I have a great brother and sister, I'm intelligent--graduated college the top of my class and the nursing class president, and I just started my master's in forensic nursing at Duquesne University-a top private university. Yet, again, here I am--at rock bottom. It just goes to show that addiction does not care about age, race, religion, socioeconomic status, etc.
I went to a new patient appointment on Tuesdya with a psychiatrist who specializes in addiction and bi-polar. He said he needed to urine test me before doing anything. I thought oh ****! I used the night before. I had to admit that I had used again and had for the past 2 weeks. He wanted to start me on Suboxone. I was against it--the real reason? I had a pill in my pocket I wanted to use! You can't use when on Suboxone because you won't get any high off of it. I told him I didn't want to use it becuas ei had heard negative things about it. I went home that night, took about 5 pills, then got up and threw away the rest of what I had. I called him Wed morning and went in there today and started the pills--the drug that is supposed to make me not want to take drugs! ha! Anyway, I've been on it today, and I have felt better. I am not having withdrawal symptoms-last time I didn't feel withdrawal until after 4 days, but this drug is supposed to help me not have those effects. In addition it is supposed to help with cravings. My cravings have been ridiculous--that is what also led to me relapsing-I couldn't over come the cravings. I've been in the drug seeking mode. Now the problem I seem to have, and I hope anyone reading this can help, is that since I feel better now that I started the suboxone, it's like it was with pills--I feel better, but I want to feel even better as well as since I feel better, what do I do with it? Like pills, I want to take more, but with Subxone you can't do that--it will throw you into acute withdrawal. So I know I won't take more than I'm supposed to, but is this part of the drug? Is this normal for first time users of Suboxone? Anyone that has any information would be greatly appreciated.
I'm sorry this is sooooo long--I obviously needed to get a lot out. I'm just so frustrated and angry with myself that I let myself get to this point. I can't believe I relapsed 1 day after detox. Yes, I made myself throw it all away, but the fact is I did it. I was clean 2 weeks, but then relapsed again! Addiction is hell, it has total control over our lives and our mind. The psychological component of addiction has so much control--it's like the devil pulling you down. I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel--I know it is there, I just need to keep reaching for it. But damn this is a struggle.
Thanks y'all for reading...
Sunflower
I went to a new patient appointment on Tuesdya with a psychiatrist who specializes in addiction and bi-polar. He said he needed to urine test me before doing anything. I thought oh ****! I used the night before. I had to admit that I had used again and had for the past 2 weeks. He wanted to start me on Suboxone. I was against it--the real reason? I had a pill in my pocket I wanted to use! You can't use when on Suboxone because you won't get any high off of it. I told him I didn't want to use it becuas ei had heard negative things about it. I went home that night, took about 5 pills, then got up and threw away the rest of what I had. I called him Wed morning and went in there today and started the pills--the drug that is supposed to make me not want to take drugs! ha! Anyway, I've been on it today, and I have felt better. I am not having withdrawal symptoms-last time I didn't feel withdrawal until after 4 days, but this drug is supposed to help me not have those effects. In addition it is supposed to help with cravings. My cravings have been ridiculous--that is what also led to me relapsing-I couldn't over come the cravings. I've been in the drug seeking mode. Now the problem I seem to have, and I hope anyone reading this can help, is that since I feel better now that I started the suboxone, it's like it was with pills--I feel better, but I want to feel even better as well as since I feel better, what do I do with it? Like pills, I want to take more, but with Subxone you can't do that--it will throw you into acute withdrawal. So I know I won't take more than I'm supposed to, but is this part of the drug? Is this normal for first time users of Suboxone? Anyone that has any information would be greatly appreciated.
I'm sorry this is sooooo long--I obviously needed to get a lot out. I'm just so frustrated and angry with myself that I let myself get to this point. I can't believe I relapsed 1 day after detox. Yes, I made myself throw it all away, but the fact is I did it. I was clean 2 weeks, but then relapsed again! Addiction is hell, it has total control over our lives and our mind. The psychological component of addiction has so much control--it's like the devil pulling you down. I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel--I know it is there, I just need to keep reaching for it. But damn this is a struggle.
Thanks y'all for reading...
Sunflower
