Archive for the ‘Black Out’ tag
New comer
Hi I am Lisa an alcoholic/addict and this is my first posting. I am 43 years old and this is my third time back into AA. 1st time I went to treatment I did it to help me out in court, the second time I went to treatment it was because I was homeless. This last time I did it just for me. I have finally accepted that I am an alcoholic and am powerless. I have had many problems because of drinking, first time I ever drank I was sexually assaulted, three arrests for 3rd degree assault, one DUI, one drug parafella charge, and destruction of property charge. I shaddered my ankle while in a black out. I could go on and on. What brought me back was my last drunk I left my house and went to the bar and did not get home until 4am. The bars here close at 1:00am. I got to the bar at 11, so basically I was in a black out for 5 hours. I have no idea where I went or how I got home. I broke my husband's heart. Good news is today I have 50 days of sobriety, a sponsor and doing 90 meetings in 90 days. I am working on step one with my sponsor--she is great. I love to share and hear other people's stories. Glad to be here!,:c009:
Thank you!
When I found SR, I had just gotten my bearings after my umpteenth black-out and realized I'd been having a lot of those, lately. As in, every single time I drank. How often was I drinking? All day! Everyday I could! When did that happen? Well, it was happening.
When I was younger, I learned something that has served my alcoholism very badly, and that's the fine/dark art of not getting caught. Drinking alone meant not getting caught, until you start drinking so much that dry-out time bleeds into time itself.
Like:
My-boyfriend-is-coming-home-and-I-think-I-have-alcohol-poisoning time, why-do-these-blasted-incidents-keep-progressing-and-I-do-weirder-things-each-time time, or running-out-of-friends-to-tend-to-my-blacking-out-self time. Then, you have a new kind of time, time to get caught, time to think. Time to take stock and ask for help. (4-letter word.)
The first day I didn't drink, I found this site. It has helped more than I can say.
When I was younger, I learned something that has served my alcoholism very badly, and that's the fine/dark art of not getting caught. Drinking alone meant not getting caught, until you start drinking so much that dry-out time bleeds into time itself.
Like:
My-boyfriend-is-coming-home-and-I-think-I-have-alcohol-poisoning time, why-do-these-blasted-incidents-keep-progressing-and-I-do-weirder-things-each-time time, or running-out-of-friends-to-tend-to-my-blacking-out-self time. Then, you have a new kind of time, time to get caught, time to think. Time to take stock and ask for help. (4-letter word.)
The first day I didn't drink, I found this site. It has helped more than I can say.
Im feeling better…
hey guys its been a while since i posted here but i want some opinions on my non-cold-turkey try...
last night i went out with my roomate to a party at and apartment owned by my roomates friend. this was not the first time id be partying there, and over the past couple months i had kinda built up a reputation as the guy, the only guy, who would drink 1.5 pint of vodka and black out. but this time i had my roomate and my friends physically stop me at a certain point. i promised i would only have 5 beers, and that i would sip them, which is normally barely enough to give me a buzz (when i normally chug 4 to start)- which i have never done before.
so i had my 5, but i craved more, and i had some other kid sneak me some, i ended up being stopped for the night at around 7-9 beers, i wasnt exactly counting. i remember feeling sometimes during the night depressed that i was barely drunk at all, and i remember complaining about how much i wanted more. but i wasnt given any more.
but the key thing here is- i actually remember the whole night.
i was actually able to converse with people, have a few good laughs, being approached by the ladies (the girls can see a drinking problem from a mile away, and usually dont like that, and when they see someone on the couch near dead from drinking theyre going to stay away), play some games, DANCE (like wtf), joke around, instead of getting so drunk i couldnt stand and just crash on the couch, staring drunk at the tv, alone.
and by the time my roomate and i left the apartment around 2:30, i had pretty much sobered up completely, and i had realised how easy it was to have a good time without getting wrecked, something that seemed impossible for so long.
just goes to prove what a blessing caring friends are.
last night i went out with my roomate to a party at and apartment owned by my roomates friend. this was not the first time id be partying there, and over the past couple months i had kinda built up a reputation as the guy, the only guy, who would drink 1.5 pint of vodka and black out. but this time i had my roomate and my friends physically stop me at a certain point. i promised i would only have 5 beers, and that i would sip them, which is normally barely enough to give me a buzz (when i normally chug 4 to start)- which i have never done before.
so i had my 5, but i craved more, and i had some other kid sneak me some, i ended up being stopped for the night at around 7-9 beers, i wasnt exactly counting. i remember feeling sometimes during the night depressed that i was barely drunk at all, and i remember complaining about how much i wanted more. but i wasnt given any more.
but the key thing here is- i actually remember the whole night.
i was actually able to converse with people, have a few good laughs, being approached by the ladies (the girls can see a drinking problem from a mile away, and usually dont like that, and when they see someone on the couch near dead from drinking theyre going to stay away), play some games, DANCE (like wtf), joke around, instead of getting so drunk i couldnt stand and just crash on the couch, staring drunk at the tv, alone.
and by the time my roomate and i left the apartment around 2:30, i had pretty much sobered up completely, and i had realised how easy it was to have a good time without getting wrecked, something that seemed impossible for so long.
just goes to prove what a blessing caring friends are.
Heading into 90 days at 90 miles per hour
I found SR very close to my sober day, in fact I was basically making my decision to stay sober during my first few days with the forum. I've spent almost all my time at SR in the New to Addiction and Recover section and I've benefited from some great support and tried to give some in return. On the last day I drank (July 12th 2008) I had my first black out after decades of binge drinking and it really got my attention. Things had been getting worse and worse over the last couple years, and especially the last 10 months or so before July. I'm not an AA person and I don't intend to go to AA meetings but I do see the value in much of the program.
As I'm approaching 90 days without alcohol it feels like I'm in newly dangerous territory so I'm opening this thread here because I think it will reach an audience that includes a variety of lengths of experience with sobriety. I'll also let my friends in the Class of July 2008 know of this thread.
Here's what's going on any given day lately. These don't all happen at the same time, but some of them do. Some are in conflict with each other.
1. I'm thinking that I'm good at this and maybe I don't have as bad of a problem as I thought I did.
2. Ninety days seems like a lot which makes me think of this long term, rather than one day at time.
3. Alcohol advertising is getting me irritated more often lately. Even worse, the movies and shows that have everyone turning to drink when times go bad or when they want to have fun.
4. There are way too many drinking/drug/party songs!!! Do you ever get to the point where you can enjoy them because they're otherwise good songs?
None of this is new ground to you or to me but it seems different/worse right now. I don't have strong urges to drink, and rarely even get medium urges, but....I don't know....it seems like I should be happier.
Is it common to hit this point in the road around 90 days? For those that hit this at 90 or at some other amount of time I'd appreciate knowing how you did it.
Thanks for reading this far down.
As I'm approaching 90 days without alcohol it feels like I'm in newly dangerous territory so I'm opening this thread here because I think it will reach an audience that includes a variety of lengths of experience with sobriety. I'll also let my friends in the Class of July 2008 know of this thread.
Here's what's going on any given day lately. These don't all happen at the same time, but some of them do. Some are in conflict with each other.
1. I'm thinking that I'm good at this and maybe I don't have as bad of a problem as I thought I did.
2. Ninety days seems like a lot which makes me think of this long term, rather than one day at time.
3. Alcohol advertising is getting me irritated more often lately. Even worse, the movies and shows that have everyone turning to drink when times go bad or when they want to have fun.
4. There are way too many drinking/drug/party songs!!! Do you ever get to the point where you can enjoy them because they're otherwise good songs?
None of this is new ground to you or to me but it seems different/worse right now. I don't have strong urges to drink, and rarely even get medium urges, but....I don't know....it seems like I should be happier.
Is it common to hit this point in the road around 90 days? For those that hit this at 90 or at some other amount of time I'd appreciate knowing how you did it.
Thanks for reading this far down.
A 24 hour program
I believe one of the most simple and important concepts for any alcoholic to understand and find/maintain sobriety is the concept of the "24 hour program." So what is the 24 hour program you may ask....it is simply changing how we view drinking.
When I was drinking there were many times when I would do something stupid, black out, have a horrible hangover, or whatever and then the next day with the utmost sincerity swear I would never drink again. Every time it was only a matter of time before I was right back with a drink in my hand rationalizing why it was ok for me to drink again.
That is why I feel the 24 hour program concept is so important for both the newcomer and the AA veteran. The problem with swearing off something for life is that many times it will be counter productive. Instead of strengthening our resolve it only creates a greater obsession in the mind. Instead of thinking only of today, the time we have right now, we become consumed with tomorrow because we now have to remember not to drink tomorrow. By only thinking about "one day at a time" we take the pressure of "forever" off our minds.
The 24 hour concept helps me to stay in today. I don't have to worry about tomorrow and whether or not I will drink. Today is the only time I really have and the only time that really matters. I can not change what I will do tomorrow but I do have a choice about what I will do today, right now.
For me the most important chip I have ever recieved is my 24 hour chip. It is the chip that does the most to keep me sober as it reminds me that I only have to stay sober today. I don't have to worry about tomorrow and can't change what I have done in the past. It is a relief for me. I still carry that 24 hour chip in my pocket and when I need a reminder during the day I can put my hand in my pocket and remember I only have to not drink today.
No more promises about not touching a drop again, no more cold sweats and frustration worrying about never being able to drink again I just have peace with the fact that for today, I choose not to drink. Forever is a long time but today is only 24 hours.
Pick up that 24 hour chip and hold it dear to your heart and it is likely you will find as I have that today I do not have to drink.
On a side note: A few weeks before I sought sobriety I was so tired of the struggle with alcohol and truly was to the point I thought there was no way out other than an alcoholic death. It was during that time, at the age of 35, I got my first tattoo. Actually, more of a book than a tattoo. I joke about it being reading material for anyone sitting behind me who is bored. It is on my right shoulder and truly describes how I felt at that point in my life. Ironically, it also describes the 24 hour concept to a tee.
Here it is:
Live for today,
Yesterday's gone,
and tomorrow may never come.
I wish you many 24 hour days of sobriety. Thanks for contributing to one more 24 hour day for me.
When I was drinking there were many times when I would do something stupid, black out, have a horrible hangover, or whatever and then the next day with the utmost sincerity swear I would never drink again. Every time it was only a matter of time before I was right back with a drink in my hand rationalizing why it was ok for me to drink again.
That is why I feel the 24 hour program concept is so important for both the newcomer and the AA veteran. The problem with swearing off something for life is that many times it will be counter productive. Instead of strengthening our resolve it only creates a greater obsession in the mind. Instead of thinking only of today, the time we have right now, we become consumed with tomorrow because we now have to remember not to drink tomorrow. By only thinking about "one day at a time" we take the pressure of "forever" off our minds.
The 24 hour concept helps me to stay in today. I don't have to worry about tomorrow and whether or not I will drink. Today is the only time I really have and the only time that really matters. I can not change what I will do tomorrow but I do have a choice about what I will do today, right now.
For me the most important chip I have ever recieved is my 24 hour chip. It is the chip that does the most to keep me sober as it reminds me that I only have to stay sober today. I don't have to worry about tomorrow and can't change what I have done in the past. It is a relief for me. I still carry that 24 hour chip in my pocket and when I need a reminder during the day I can put my hand in my pocket and remember I only have to not drink today.
No more promises about not touching a drop again, no more cold sweats and frustration worrying about never being able to drink again I just have peace with the fact that for today, I choose not to drink. Forever is a long time but today is only 24 hours.
Pick up that 24 hour chip and hold it dear to your heart and it is likely you will find as I have that today I do not have to drink.
On a side note: A few weeks before I sought sobriety I was so tired of the struggle with alcohol and truly was to the point I thought there was no way out other than an alcoholic death. It was during that time, at the age of 35, I got my first tattoo. Actually, more of a book than a tattoo. I joke about it being reading material for anyone sitting behind me who is bored. It is on my right shoulder and truly describes how I felt at that point in my life. Ironically, it also describes the 24 hour concept to a tee.
Here it is:
Live for today,
Yesterday's gone,
and tomorrow may never come.
I wish you many 24 hour days of sobriety. Thanks for contributing to one more 24 hour day for me.
A Flashback
There it was. Right on the front page of our local newspaper two days ago.
A man going 60 miles per hour ran off the freeway into a parked van. The van
happened to have the female driver underneath fixing a tire. The impact
of the ensuing collision slammed her van into her father's sedan parked
in front of her.
Why was this photo "shocking" to me? The man's car ..smashed to the
steering column, looked like my little mini truck 14 years ago...
In the spring of 1993 I met my ABF at a BBQ restaurant after work
to have "dinner". I do not recall dinner or ribs or corn on the cob.
I do recall one shot of whiskey ....that's it. You see..I started drinking
in 1992..a black out drinker from the start. I have a vague recollection
of being pulled out of my truck, kicking, sceaming, and biting the police
officers and paramedics. And calling them names... The next memory is
being chained to a hospital bed and asking an officer.."Do you think I'm
pretty?" Bless his heart..he said yes before he arrested me.
I was released to a friend who had an "in" with the Sheriff's Dept.
According to my boyfriend's info and what the police could piece
together...I became enraged about nothing after several drinks
at the restaurant. I left without eating...bought a 12 pack of
beer and drove around..drinking all but 4 (tall) cans. Then I
stopped myself by driving headlong at 50 miles per hour into a
parked truck on a residential street.
I went to see my "baby"..my beautiful little truck at the yard two days later.
I swooned..someone had to hold me up. Just like the man's car in the
paper...a total wreck. My truck was smashed to the steering column.
My legs had deep cuts. I had a concussion. I had to be extricated.
The difference?
The man died on impact. There were others in the parked vehicles..
They are still in the hospital.
All I got was a concussion, and bruises...even the owner of the other vehicle
was nice.
I am so, so, so grateful..and I do not understand why some of us are
spared and some taken. But I do know that I am grateful today.
Grateful I stopped in time....and didn't hurt anyone else.
Grateful for another chance.
Grateful to be here on SR.
Thank you, God.
A man going 60 miles per hour ran off the freeway into a parked van. The van
happened to have the female driver underneath fixing a tire. The impact
of the ensuing collision slammed her van into her father's sedan parked
in front of her.
Why was this photo "shocking" to me? The man's car ..smashed to the
steering column, looked like my little mini truck 14 years ago...
In the spring of 1993 I met my ABF at a BBQ restaurant after work
to have "dinner". I do not recall dinner or ribs or corn on the cob.
I do recall one shot of whiskey ....that's it. You see..I started drinking
in 1992..a black out drinker from the start. I have a vague recollection
of being pulled out of my truck, kicking, sceaming, and biting the police
officers and paramedics. And calling them names... The next memory is
being chained to a hospital bed and asking an officer.."Do you think I'm
pretty?" Bless his heart..he said yes before he arrested me.
I was released to a friend who had an "in" with the Sheriff's Dept.
According to my boyfriend's info and what the police could piece
together...I became enraged about nothing after several drinks
at the restaurant. I left without eating...bought a 12 pack of
beer and drove around..drinking all but 4 (tall) cans. Then I
stopped myself by driving headlong at 50 miles per hour into a
parked truck on a residential street.
I went to see my "baby"..my beautiful little truck at the yard two days later.
I swooned..someone had to hold me up. Just like the man's car in the
paper...a total wreck. My truck was smashed to the steering column.
My legs had deep cuts. I had a concussion. I had to be extricated.
The difference?
The man died on impact. There were others in the parked vehicles..
They are still in the hospital.
All I got was a concussion, and bruises...even the owner of the other vehicle
was nice.
I am so, so, so grateful..and I do not understand why some of us are
spared and some taken. But I do know that I am grateful today.
Grateful I stopped in time....and didn't hurt anyone else.
Grateful for another chance.
Grateful to be here on SR.
Thank you, God.
