Archive for the ‘Blah Blah’ tag
Tremendous guilt and anxiety..long
Okay, so ABF is locked up, and has been since Saturday for possession. Hasn't been charged with the VOP yet, but am sure that one is coming. I told him I cannot afford to bail him out because I am already almost destitute because he had lost yet another job right after Thanksgiving. That job took eight months to get! I am feeling horrible guilt and sadness mixed with unbelievable anger at the position I am in right now. On the one hand, I want to yell, scream, point fingers and say This is all your fault!! and then on the other hand, I want to kick myself for being sooo stupid, yet again.
I did finally find the strength to kick him out in the beginning of December, but he begged and pleaded for another chance, started going to meetings almost daily, and then spent most of his time here, at my house. He was offering assistance with housekeeping, chores, and just general maintenance, and I let him keep coming over even though I really didn't want to. I was starting to see what it was like with a little more peace in the house again, and I didn't have to listen to him constantly berate and badger my 7yr old daughter. (who he blames for the demise of OUR relationship because I don't discipline her properly according to him) , of course it has nothing to do with all the financial troubles, legal troubles and everything else having to do with his addiction.
He went to meetings constantly and I was starting to have hope. When all of a sudden, BAM...had that queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach that something wasn't right, he seemed off. Come to find out he was buying pills from some guy at AA. He told me,"He understands what its like to live in chronic pain...blah, blah, blah..., and I've talked to plenty of people, and it doesn't jeopordize my sobriety if I need them...blah, blah," My daughter came out in the middle of the argument to hand me a narcotic painkiller that she found on the floor. Again, told him get out, right now! he took off on the bike like a maniac! The bike was screaming through my neighborhood, full of kids...he had to be doing at least 80mph! when twenty minutes before that, he could barely hold up his head and could barely be understood when he spoke to me, he was slurring so badly. I panicked, and called the police, I was so terrified of what he might do to himself or someone else...I don't know if I will ever feel good about that decision, because it was just a few short moments later that they pulled him over and arrested him. Now I find out that each and every pill he had on him will probably be a seperate charge, and he had several, plus the VOP, and he wasn't supposed to be driving anyway because he has a hardship license for work purposes only....I feel SO GUILTY. Has anyone ever called the police and then felt horrible about it? Part of me knows I did the right thing, the other part of me feels like I should have just left it alone, and not interfered.
Yes, he had a pretty bad bike wreck two and a half years ago, spent the last two years in pain management, until I said that's it, can't take it anymore, either get off the meds or get out! He was taking his full months prescription in a week and a half or less. constantly passed out, stealing from us, lying, borrowing money from everybody and anybody he could. I found out that on Thanksgiving Day, while I was at work he had a dealer come to my house! then he had the nerve to show up at my family's home all messed up. That did it for me, that is when I finally asked him to leave.
I do love him, the guy that I know is somewhere in there. He was the most romantic, sweet and thoughtful men I had ever met. He is so intelligent, and that is really appealing to me. Exactly what happened to my intelligence? Not sure. I kept believing his lies, was shocked each and every time I caught him in another one, and really wanted to believe that he loved me as much as he said he did.
What I guess I'm really having trouble with is the fact that I know, and HATE all the things he has done to me and my daughter, but for some weird reason, still feel sorry for him, don't want to see him suffer etc. I feel like a freak sometimes because I don't know which end is up. Don't know what I really feel...or am I really feeling all of it?
Don't know if it gets better or will I always feel like this? I do know that I have read lots of posts here, and I see many people that are going through the same or very similar circumstances, and that is comforting. I have spent the last two years of my life being obsessed with my bf and his using, it sucked all my energy from me. Now, I am still feeling like the life is being sucked out of me by MY feelings. Feel exhausted and drained. Guess that's it for now. Sure is nice to have a place to be able to just get this stuff out instead of having to hold it to myself because others don't understand.
I did finally find the strength to kick him out in the beginning of December, but he begged and pleaded for another chance, started going to meetings almost daily, and then spent most of his time here, at my house. He was offering assistance with housekeeping, chores, and just general maintenance, and I let him keep coming over even though I really didn't want to. I was starting to see what it was like with a little more peace in the house again, and I didn't have to listen to him constantly berate and badger my 7yr old daughter. (who he blames for the demise of OUR relationship because I don't discipline her properly according to him) , of course it has nothing to do with all the financial troubles, legal troubles and everything else having to do with his addiction.
He went to meetings constantly and I was starting to have hope. When all of a sudden, BAM...had that queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach that something wasn't right, he seemed off. Come to find out he was buying pills from some guy at AA. He told me,"He understands what its like to live in chronic pain...blah, blah, blah..., and I've talked to plenty of people, and it doesn't jeopordize my sobriety if I need them...blah, blah," My daughter came out in the middle of the argument to hand me a narcotic painkiller that she found on the floor. Again, told him get out, right now! he took off on the bike like a maniac! The bike was screaming through my neighborhood, full of kids...he had to be doing at least 80mph! when twenty minutes before that, he could barely hold up his head and could barely be understood when he spoke to me, he was slurring so badly. I panicked, and called the police, I was so terrified of what he might do to himself or someone else...I don't know if I will ever feel good about that decision, because it was just a few short moments later that they pulled him over and arrested him. Now I find out that each and every pill he had on him will probably be a seperate charge, and he had several, plus the VOP, and he wasn't supposed to be driving anyway because he has a hardship license for work purposes only....I feel SO GUILTY. Has anyone ever called the police and then felt horrible about it? Part of me knows I did the right thing, the other part of me feels like I should have just left it alone, and not interfered.
Yes, he had a pretty bad bike wreck two and a half years ago, spent the last two years in pain management, until I said that's it, can't take it anymore, either get off the meds or get out! He was taking his full months prescription in a week and a half or less. constantly passed out, stealing from us, lying, borrowing money from everybody and anybody he could. I found out that on Thanksgiving Day, while I was at work he had a dealer come to my house! then he had the nerve to show up at my family's home all messed up. That did it for me, that is when I finally asked him to leave.
I do love him, the guy that I know is somewhere in there. He was the most romantic, sweet and thoughtful men I had ever met. He is so intelligent, and that is really appealing to me. Exactly what happened to my intelligence? Not sure. I kept believing his lies, was shocked each and every time I caught him in another one, and really wanted to believe that he loved me as much as he said he did.
What I guess I'm really having trouble with is the fact that I know, and HATE all the things he has done to me and my daughter, but for some weird reason, still feel sorry for him, don't want to see him suffer etc. I feel like a freak sometimes because I don't know which end is up. Don't know what I really feel...or am I really feeling all of it?
Don't know if it gets better or will I always feel like this? I do know that I have read lots of posts here, and I see many people that are going through the same or very similar circumstances, and that is comforting. I have spent the last two years of my life being obsessed with my bf and his using, it sucked all my energy from me. Now, I am still feeling like the life is being sucked out of me by MY feelings. Feel exhausted and drained. Guess that's it for now. Sure is nice to have a place to be able to just get this stuff out instead of having to hold it to myself because others don't understand.
NEW, my story.
Hello, I am new here. I will briefly state my story and then get down to what I posted this thread for. I am a 29 year old female. I have been drinking HEAVILY since about 2003. I have lost my family, my kids, numerous jobs, and numerous significant others. It has been a HELL RIDE, as most of you know. Recently, I went with my boyfriend to LA for Thanksgiving, I had been sober for two weeks and just started a new job at a Mental Hospital/ Recovery Center. It turns out, even though I could have a glass of wine or two with dinner, and not experience anything, my boyfriend had just HAD IT. He started becoming so argumentative (over rather stupid S*&%) that it escalated into a full blown fight. Needless to say, the next day he left with a girl, and I hit the streets, went and got a Sparks, wandered around, talked witha homeless man for 45 mins, went and got another.....blah blah blah.
We agreed upon the stipulations of the breakup (we lived together) and agreed I would leave in a week. He took me to the airport, I went to the bar, missed my flight, because of being too intoxicated, (THIS is where it gets veeeery fuzzy) and I do not care to discuss the details of this part.
Now he dumped me at a friends house (who also drinks, and likes it when I do, for reasons I probably dont have to tell you)
All my junk tossed into boxes hastily. No way to get to work, none of my things, yadda yadda. Let's just say ITS HEAVY. Much too much for a girl that has been through it all.)
I have been essentially drinking since I got "home".......lots and lots.......
I have not touched it in three days. The turmoil I have experienced is incredible.
Now I am not seeking medical advice, but my hangovers are HUGELY medically related. I have done some research and have come to the conclusion that I have the symptoms of an alcoholic that has been drinking for 20 freakin years!
Shaking, like a leaf, so bad I cant sign my signature or hold a cup. Convulsing, hallucinating, nerves going berserk, thoughts that dont make sense, (which is hard for me because I am, or USED to be very intelligent)
hearing things, ears ringing, not being able to even close my eyes because of the specs and things.
Yes, I know, I need medical attention. I refuse because of increased anxeity, no insurance, and I have been through this before. It's totally assinine, I know.
I am totally scared out of my gourd. I have already been to rehab which cost my family 10 grand, got out after 6 weeks, and was drinking within a week.
My emotional turmoil causes this, I know, but THERE IS SO MUCH!
I have not drank for three days and the symptoms are still there, which is ultimately frustrating and disconcerting. I have alot of anger and depression also.
We agreed upon the stipulations of the breakup (we lived together) and agreed I would leave in a week. He took me to the airport, I went to the bar, missed my flight, because of being too intoxicated, (THIS is where it gets veeeery fuzzy) and I do not care to discuss the details of this part.
Now he dumped me at a friends house (who also drinks, and likes it when I do, for reasons I probably dont have to tell you)
All my junk tossed into boxes hastily. No way to get to work, none of my things, yadda yadda. Let's just say ITS HEAVY. Much too much for a girl that has been through it all.)
I have been essentially drinking since I got "home".......lots and lots.......
I have not touched it in three days. The turmoil I have experienced is incredible.
Now I am not seeking medical advice, but my hangovers are HUGELY medically related. I have done some research and have come to the conclusion that I have the symptoms of an alcoholic that has been drinking for 20 freakin years!
Shaking, like a leaf, so bad I cant sign my signature or hold a cup. Convulsing, hallucinating, nerves going berserk, thoughts that dont make sense, (which is hard for me because I am, or USED to be very intelligent)
hearing things, ears ringing, not being able to even close my eyes because of the specs and things.
Yes, I know, I need medical attention. I refuse because of increased anxeity, no insurance, and I have been through this before. It's totally assinine, I know.
I am totally scared out of my gourd. I have already been to rehab which cost my family 10 grand, got out after 6 weeks, and was drinking within a week.
My emotional turmoil causes this, I know, but THERE IS SO MUCH!
I have not drank for three days and the symptoms are still there, which is ultimately frustrating and disconcerting. I have alot of anger and depression also.
I really need help right now. Long
You all know I am pretty open with my shares. Maybe sometimes too open.
And I have no problems putting myself out there wide open. Thats how I get the support I need when I am being a screw up.
But I have posted before about my grams. Which I donlike to do but I do sometimes because it affects me alot.
And I am far from anyone to be complaining about someone elses disease.
But I am hurting so bad right now. I am fighting back tears because I dont knw how to handle this. I am having flash backs of when I grew up with her and my gramps drinking.
I hate to put her out there like that because she has always protected me in my addiction. Never betrayed my trust. But today I cant deal.
First let me say...Even tho I havent told you guys here. I have used the frit 2 weeks of this month. Nothing drastic. Just one trip one time on two of my paydays the first 2 weeks of this month. Why? I guess its the pattern of this month as it has been for years. And it by no means is justifyable in any way. So I dont even feel right even coming here with this. But I am so hurt right now. As I am sure she has been my whole life watching me destroy myself.
I woke up this morning and she was already plastered. She has been drinking since yesterday afternoon. I wasnt heerall night so I didnt have to see it.
I simply said..You drinking already? And she blew a fuse. And you know how when somempeople drink..They start ranting about things. Noone cares about her. Everyone takes her money..they use her and blah blah blah. The same shyt she always goes off about when she drinks. ow she doesnt drink often. But when she does she binges.
She has gone through a gallon and 4 splits of red wine since yesterday afternoon. Ad almost broke open a bottle of wine I bought for my cousins wifes grandmother for christmas.
She took my keys and thought she was going to take my lil cousin shopping today. And when I told her absolutley not she got irrate. Saying she was going to take a nap and she woud have been fine. You kids think you can run my life. I gave up everything for you kids. ALl you kids do is use me. And then we started into the where were you a couple weeks ago. Wheres the money you owe me. You betetr find another place to live.
And I am not goin gto lie..I lost it at first and said soe pretty mean things. But then I stoped and went and hugged her and apologised and told her to just go lay down. And if she wanted me to drive her to take my lil cousin shopping I would. Thats wasnt good enough.
She was telling me that she gaeve everything up for me. But since she put me before her now she has nothing.
Nnone ever does anything for her and just all that self pity angry drunken rambling.
Some of that is true. But it cut me like a knife.
I deserve what she said to me. Because I am no where any better in what I do.
But When she got mad about wantigng to drive my van with my cousin..Thats where I have to stand my ground. I would never ever get high around my baby cousins and definately wouldnt try drivivng with them in the car.
This is not her. She knows better.
And I dont want to make her out to be a bad person. Because she isnt. And she would never hrut any of us. Those babies are her life right now. But her judgement is not right at the moment.
I know she has alot of built up issues that she never voices becasue thats just her. But when she drinks..She lets it all out and says it ways I know she doesnt mean.
I tried closing my door. She is still running her mouth out there.
Then she comes in my room and just wont stop.
I dont want to be mean. But how do I get her to just stop!!!
Well..I guess she went to lay down.
I guess this is how it feels to watch me do this to myself.
I ahte seeing her liek that. But she gets so mean when she drinks. Always has. But when she doesnt drink. She is the sweestest..kindest..gentlest..most tolerant person in the world.
I hate she feels like she does. And it only comes out when shes drinking.
Does she really feel like that. But never syas anythign until alcohol gives her the courage? Or is it just the alcohol making her say things she doesnt mean?
I struggle with being patient with her. AN dI did lose my cool at first. But quickly stopped and just let her run her mouth and hugged her and told her I am sorry I am screw up and we do care about her. But she just keeps going on and on.
She has never once lost her cool with me in my lowest. And I feel bad I didnt do the same at first.
It hurts so much to see her like that.
And it hurts even more that even though I did slip 2 times recently. But I am trying my very best.
I coudnt even buy her a xmas card because I am so far behind on my bills and those 2 screw ups didnt help any. I had o tell my uncle she was drinking because she was suppose to pick up my couisn fron the school bus stop. I hate I had to out her. But I cant let that kid be here right now. And definately cant let her try and drive with him like that.
She knows better. I know it is the alcohol thinking.
Hopefully she sleeps it off and thats it.
I havent been the best person lately. I have had really short tolerance levels. And I dont treat her like I should.
Maybe I have no business even posing this.
I just hurt seeing her liek that and knowing alot of it is because of me.
Maybe I do need to just go move somewhere else and she wouldnt have a piece of shyt like me to deal with.
And I have no problems putting myself out there wide open. Thats how I get the support I need when I am being a screw up.
But I have posted before about my grams. Which I donlike to do but I do sometimes because it affects me alot.
And I am far from anyone to be complaining about someone elses disease.
But I am hurting so bad right now. I am fighting back tears because I dont knw how to handle this. I am having flash backs of when I grew up with her and my gramps drinking.
I hate to put her out there like that because she has always protected me in my addiction. Never betrayed my trust. But today I cant deal.
First let me say...Even tho I havent told you guys here. I have used the frit 2 weeks of this month. Nothing drastic. Just one trip one time on two of my paydays the first 2 weeks of this month. Why? I guess its the pattern of this month as it has been for years. And it by no means is justifyable in any way. So I dont even feel right even coming here with this. But I am so hurt right now. As I am sure she has been my whole life watching me destroy myself.
I woke up this morning and she was already plastered. She has been drinking since yesterday afternoon. I wasnt heerall night so I didnt have to see it.
I simply said..You drinking already? And she blew a fuse. And you know how when somempeople drink..They start ranting about things. Noone cares about her. Everyone takes her money..they use her and blah blah blah. The same shyt she always goes off about when she drinks. ow she doesnt drink often. But when she does she binges.
She has gone through a gallon and 4 splits of red wine since yesterday afternoon. Ad almost broke open a bottle of wine I bought for my cousins wifes grandmother for christmas.
She took my keys and thought she was going to take my lil cousin shopping today. And when I told her absolutley not she got irrate. Saying she was going to take a nap and she woud have been fine. You kids think you can run my life. I gave up everything for you kids. ALl you kids do is use me. And then we started into the where were you a couple weeks ago. Wheres the money you owe me. You betetr find another place to live.
And I am not goin gto lie..I lost it at first and said soe pretty mean things. But then I stoped and went and hugged her and apologised and told her to just go lay down. And if she wanted me to drive her to take my lil cousin shopping I would. Thats wasnt good enough.
She was telling me that she gaeve everything up for me. But since she put me before her now she has nothing.
Nnone ever does anything for her and just all that self pity angry drunken rambling.
Some of that is true. But it cut me like a knife.
I deserve what she said to me. Because I am no where any better in what I do.
But When she got mad about wantigng to drive my van with my cousin..Thats where I have to stand my ground. I would never ever get high around my baby cousins and definately wouldnt try drivivng with them in the car.
This is not her. She knows better.
And I dont want to make her out to be a bad person. Because she isnt. And she would never hrut any of us. Those babies are her life right now. But her judgement is not right at the moment.
I know she has alot of built up issues that she never voices becasue thats just her. But when she drinks..She lets it all out and says it ways I know she doesnt mean.
I tried closing my door. She is still running her mouth out there.
Then she comes in my room and just wont stop.
I dont want to be mean. But how do I get her to just stop!!!
Well..I guess she went to lay down.
I guess this is how it feels to watch me do this to myself.
I ahte seeing her liek that. But she gets so mean when she drinks. Always has. But when she doesnt drink. She is the sweestest..kindest..gentlest..most tolerant person in the world.
I hate she feels like she does. And it only comes out when shes drinking.
Does she really feel like that. But never syas anythign until alcohol gives her the courage? Or is it just the alcohol making her say things she doesnt mean?
I struggle with being patient with her. AN dI did lose my cool at first. But quickly stopped and just let her run her mouth and hugged her and told her I am sorry I am screw up and we do care about her. But she just keeps going on and on.
She has never once lost her cool with me in my lowest. And I feel bad I didnt do the same at first.
It hurts so much to see her like that.
And it hurts even more that even though I did slip 2 times recently. But I am trying my very best.
I coudnt even buy her a xmas card because I am so far behind on my bills and those 2 screw ups didnt help any. I had o tell my uncle she was drinking because she was suppose to pick up my couisn fron the school bus stop. I hate I had to out her. But I cant let that kid be here right now. And definately cant let her try and drive with him like that.
She knows better. I know it is the alcohol thinking.
Hopefully she sleeps it off and thats it.
I havent been the best person lately. I have had really short tolerance levels. And I dont treat her like I should.
Maybe I have no business even posing this.
I just hurt seeing her liek that and knowing alot of it is because of me.
Maybe I do need to just go move somewhere else and she wouldnt have a piece of shyt like me to deal with.
Responsibility….Just realized what I wrote…
In the thread I started about verbally abusivive AH's, I realized in one of my responses that I said I wasn't responsible for him.
Hmmmm, I don't think I should have to be responsible for a grown adult of any age.
I used to be responsible for his clothes, his lunches, his soap, making sure he got out of bed on time(regardless of whether I was actually home or not).
I would be responsible for planning the birthday parties, Christmas's, Easter's, and any get together while he was busy drinking.
I was responsble for making sure he got home, got to work, got out of bed, got to the toilet(yeah, nasty).
I was responsible for dinner on the table, dogs being fed, kids going to the doctor, son going to the specialist, surgery appointments.
I was responsible for making sure myself got to work and taking care of me as well in there somewhere.
HE was responsible for going to work. While that is an important task there's so much more. I was told that he worked tons of overtime and was always tired, but there was always time for his fishing, hunting, going out.
It's no wonder he has always stuck to me. No wonder he never minded me coming back after I'd leave.
Now I no longer get him up, do his lunches or iron his clothes. Yes I do the laundry because he's only capable of washing them and piling them up on the couch.
It's also no wonder why we're having issues again now. He's being forced to take SOME responsibility, in addition to his drinking.
He told me a couple of weeks ago that he was doing things that I was supposed to be doing! blah, blah, blah
I think that might be some quacking?
Hmmmm, I don't think I should have to be responsible for a grown adult of any age.
I used to be responsible for his clothes, his lunches, his soap, making sure he got out of bed on time(regardless of whether I was actually home or not).
I would be responsible for planning the birthday parties, Christmas's, Easter's, and any get together while he was busy drinking.
I was responsble for making sure he got home, got to work, got out of bed, got to the toilet(yeah, nasty).
I was responsible for dinner on the table, dogs being fed, kids going to the doctor, son going to the specialist, surgery appointments.
I was responsible for making sure myself got to work and taking care of me as well in there somewhere.
HE was responsible for going to work. While that is an important task there's so much more. I was told that he worked tons of overtime and was always tired, but there was always time for his fishing, hunting, going out.
It's no wonder he has always stuck to me. No wonder he never minded me coming back after I'd leave.
Now I no longer get him up, do his lunches or iron his clothes. Yes I do the laundry because he's only capable of washing them and piling them up on the couch.
It's also no wonder why we're having issues again now. He's being forced to take SOME responsibility, in addition to his drinking.
He told me a couple of weeks ago that he was doing things that I was supposed to be doing! blah, blah, blah
I think that might be some quacking?
Then and Now
I am pretty new here, and have not posted a lot of background, but basically I met this guy back in June - he was not drinking (2 years sober), but we were not dating exclusively, and by the end of the summer not really dating at all, he was getting serious with someone else.
Well, by August he was drinking, she was living there and drinking as well, and it spiraled out of control - he had her move out shortly after....but he was still drinking - after a total of THREE detox attempts (I was involved with the last & final - longgggg story) he finally quit again, and is 45 days sober (yay)
So, I should be happy, no?
Here is the itch....
During the couple of weeks before his final detox, and DURING it (which he did at home - I know, I know), he was never an angry or mean drunk, he just talked a lot of nonsense, made up a lot of BS grandiose stories, and did nothing really but drink and BS (lost his job, etc, totally not functioning)
I was there every day, as his friend, checking in on him and his pets, making sure there was food, etc. We talked a lot, and I supported his steps toward quitting - which he gives me a lot of the credit for.
BUT, during the drinking and early detoxing times - he was very emotionally open and verbally affectionate - he loved me so much, he wants to get married, blah blah blah. Now, I am not a stupid person, I did not for a moment think this was anything other than him wanting me to stick around, help him, etc. I did not BELIEVE any of it, any more than I believed any of the other stories I knew were total fabrications.
So, fast forward - 45 days sober, doing GREAT. I am quite proud of him. We see each other pretty much every day, and the few times I have not, it is because he is working and going straight to AA meetings, but we do chat on the phone. We spent the Thanksgiving holidays with his family, and are planning on doing the same for Christmas Eve.
But, ever since he was 100% sober....he has never said I love you, or referred to all the things he said. And yeah, he probably does not remember ALL he said, but I know he remembers some of it.
Now, at some level, it is a good thing - we are actually more in line with where we *should* be having dated for the amount of time we have. The things he said when drinking don't count, and I knew that then, and know that now.
But, still, sometimes, it sucks not ever hearing it anymore....and I sure as heck will not be the first to say anything like that to him.....I told him his sobriety needs to be his main priority, and as far as "us" he needs to be the one to set the pace.
I know I am not making sense, but after having heard him say all the things he did, it is hard taking the big step back - because HE was drinking when they were said, but I was not drinking when they were heard.
:sigh:
Well, by August he was drinking, she was living there and drinking as well, and it spiraled out of control - he had her move out shortly after....but he was still drinking - after a total of THREE detox attempts (I was involved with the last & final - longgggg story) he finally quit again, and is 45 days sober (yay)
So, I should be happy, no?
Here is the itch....
During the couple of weeks before his final detox, and DURING it (which he did at home - I know, I know), he was never an angry or mean drunk, he just talked a lot of nonsense, made up a lot of BS grandiose stories, and did nothing really but drink and BS (lost his job, etc, totally not functioning)
I was there every day, as his friend, checking in on him and his pets, making sure there was food, etc. We talked a lot, and I supported his steps toward quitting - which he gives me a lot of the credit for.
BUT, during the drinking and early detoxing times - he was very emotionally open and verbally affectionate - he loved me so much, he wants to get married, blah blah blah. Now, I am not a stupid person, I did not for a moment think this was anything other than him wanting me to stick around, help him, etc. I did not BELIEVE any of it, any more than I believed any of the other stories I knew were total fabrications.
So, fast forward - 45 days sober, doing GREAT. I am quite proud of him. We see each other pretty much every day, and the few times I have not, it is because he is working and going straight to AA meetings, but we do chat on the phone. We spent the Thanksgiving holidays with his family, and are planning on doing the same for Christmas Eve.
But, ever since he was 100% sober....he has never said I love you, or referred to all the things he said. And yeah, he probably does not remember ALL he said, but I know he remembers some of it.
Now, at some level, it is a good thing - we are actually more in line with where we *should* be having dated for the amount of time we have. The things he said when drinking don't count, and I knew that then, and know that now.
But, still, sometimes, it sucks not ever hearing it anymore....and I sure as heck will not be the first to say anything like that to him.....I told him his sobriety needs to be his main priority, and as far as "us" he needs to be the one to set the pace.
I know I am not making sense, but after having heard him say all the things he did, it is hard taking the big step back - because HE was drinking when they were said, but I was not drinking when they were heard.
:sigh:
Controling mother, loses her game
My mom likes to complain. She lives her life to do nothing but complain from sun up to sun set.:kabong:
She is a sober 30 yr. AA old timer. I can't stand her.
She and I made plans a month ago for her to come here for Thanksgiving. She's 3 hrs away. Ok, I was dreading it any way. But she's my mom and I figure I could handle it for a couple of days.
Well, she called me this morning saying she was getting ready to leave. She said that she expects to go shopping at Hamricks (A clothing store that older folks like) first thing Friday morning. I said sure, that's fine. Stephie is coming too. We all want to go shopping on black friday.
Stephie is my DIL. Stephie is also pregnant with grand child #2.
My mom had a fit. I CANT STAND HER! I DON'T WANT TO GO SHOPPING WITH HER. I CAN'T STAND IT WHEN SHE GOES WITH US. I HAD WANTED TO SPEND THE DAY, JUST YOU AND ME
I was standing there thinking, "oh here we go again". She never expressed any dislike for Stephie before. She was just pissed that I was not going to be her shopping slave for the day. She was mad that we might have to go to a store that was not of her choosing.
So she let me have it and hung up the phone in my face.
I had my son call her back later to see what she was going to do. She pissed and moaned to him about how she thought blah blah blah that I was blah blah blah and she was this and that.
After they hang up, I decide I will not call her back under any circumstances what so ever. I don't need the drama. In fact, when I do talk to her again, I will go ahead and clear out the opportunity for Christmas by saying that I have decided to stay with a friend that day.
Isn't it sad? I actually feel relieved that my mother is not coming. Not only that, but it's like I could care less if I ever saw her again, and I mean that in a very serious way, and yet still love her.
Thanks for letting me get that out.
She is a sober 30 yr. AA old timer. I can't stand her.
She and I made plans a month ago for her to come here for Thanksgiving. She's 3 hrs away. Ok, I was dreading it any way. But she's my mom and I figure I could handle it for a couple of days.
Well, she called me this morning saying she was getting ready to leave. She said that she expects to go shopping at Hamricks (A clothing store that older folks like) first thing Friday morning. I said sure, that's fine. Stephie is coming too. We all want to go shopping on black friday.
Stephie is my DIL. Stephie is also pregnant with grand child #2.
My mom had a fit. I CANT STAND HER! I DON'T WANT TO GO SHOPPING WITH HER. I CAN'T STAND IT WHEN SHE GOES WITH US. I HAD WANTED TO SPEND THE DAY, JUST YOU AND ME
I was standing there thinking, "oh here we go again". She never expressed any dislike for Stephie before. She was just pissed that I was not going to be her shopping slave for the day. She was mad that we might have to go to a store that was not of her choosing.
So she let me have it and hung up the phone in my face.
I had my son call her back later to see what she was going to do. She pissed and moaned to him about how she thought blah blah blah that I was blah blah blah and she was this and that.
After they hang up, I decide I will not call her back under any circumstances what so ever. I don't need the drama. In fact, when I do talk to her again, I will go ahead and clear out the opportunity for Christmas by saying that I have decided to stay with a friend that day.
Isn't it sad? I actually feel relieved that my mother is not coming. Not only that, but it's like I could care less if I ever saw her again, and I mean that in a very serious way, and yet still love her.
Thanks for letting me get that out.
off balance now that he’s stopped drinking
Hi folks,
I haven't read anything here that really addresses this particular issue, but I'm feeling really off-balance since my husband has stopped drinking a month ago. Did anyone else feel like this??
He was in the early stages of alcoholism, hadn't really gotten into any real trouble because of drinking, it was just that it was causing problems with our marriage. He'd go out on the weekends, drink or get drunk with friends, be unable to stop once he'd started and then come home really late and be hungover the next day and not participate in family life. Now this didn't happen every time he drank, but enough to make me very unhappy.
But I knew what to expect. He'd go out, drink, come home, I'd get mad, we wouldn't talk for a few days, we'd make up, then he'd go out... blah, blah, blah, you know how it goes.
So he stopped drinking after an incident where he got cut off by the bartender, was really drunk and fell off his bike twice. Since then, our relationship has improved dramatically. We no longer fight, we actually talk and I like spending time with him.
But it's like I'm waiting for something bad to happen. I'm on edge all the time. He'd 'promised' not to drink before and always went back to it.
So, does this feeling ever go away? What did you do to cope with it? When he was drinking, I knew what to expect... now... I don't know.
Any thoughts or suggestions would be appreciated.
Thanks,
Hope
I haven't read anything here that really addresses this particular issue, but I'm feeling really off-balance since my husband has stopped drinking a month ago. Did anyone else feel like this??
He was in the early stages of alcoholism, hadn't really gotten into any real trouble because of drinking, it was just that it was causing problems with our marriage. He'd go out on the weekends, drink or get drunk with friends, be unable to stop once he'd started and then come home really late and be hungover the next day and not participate in family life. Now this didn't happen every time he drank, but enough to make me very unhappy.
But I knew what to expect. He'd go out, drink, come home, I'd get mad, we wouldn't talk for a few days, we'd make up, then he'd go out... blah, blah, blah, you know how it goes.
So he stopped drinking after an incident where he got cut off by the bartender, was really drunk and fell off his bike twice. Since then, our relationship has improved dramatically. We no longer fight, we actually talk and I like spending time with him.
But it's like I'm waiting for something bad to happen. I'm on edge all the time. He'd 'promised' not to drink before and always went back to it.
So, does this feeling ever go away? What did you do to cope with it? When he was drinking, I knew what to expect... now... I don't know.
Any thoughts or suggestions would be appreciated.
Thanks,
Hope
HELP!!Anyone know about suboxone???
So my bf went into detox Friday.....rance only covered until sunday...so now he is out....alone in his apartment. I saw him yesterday and he looked clean ...hurting still but sober ..we were at his moms. Today I see him...and his pupils were like pin heads..... different personality.....etc...etc..my mind began racing. His mom calls me and says that since detox wasn't long enough he is takin suboxone 2 pills under his tongue when he gets up ad it makes him , blah blah ..blah..please anyone who has used or knows about suboxone tell me if this is true...what are the signs.....how would i know>>??
I have no idea what to do…
It happened a few months ago. She came over with hugely dialated pupils, acting strangely and anxious. She swore she wasn't on anything, that she was just tired, just exhausted. But as I went to the bathroom and picked her jeans up off the floor a little white baggie of powder fell out. I was shaking, horrified, and crying and I tossed it on the bed and asked what the hell was going on.
She said it was just a few times, she just got it because other people did. No big deal, blah blah. I wanted to believe her so she promised it was over. She had just quit the job where she was around the people who influenced her to do it so now it wouldn't be a problem.
A few weeks later, same kind of situation except this time it was her roommates who found empty bags in her dresser. She said they were really old and she just kept the empty ones to remind her of where she'd been. We all wanted to believe her, so we did.
And then there was lat night. She met me at a bar with friends and came in looking trippy. She went to the bathroom and left cigarettes on the table so i went to toss them in her bag and low and behold, three baggies inside 2 half empty, one full.
We got home (to my apt) fought, yelled, she cried, I cried, she said she didn't know what she was doing, blah blah. It was 5am by now and we both fell asleep, she had to head to work this morning but promised to come over on Monday so we could talk about all this and try to figure out what to do. I asked her to leave the coke with me, so she did.
What in the hell am I supposed to do? I love her, we've been together 4 years and she claims her problem isn't too severe but does own up to have a problem. I've been researching all day, looking up CA programs, buying books, I'm in the dark here people. I don't do drugs, I never have. I grew up around people who did and saw what it did to all of their lives and just never had any desire but now I'm faced with this.
Should I offer help? Just be supportive? There's a CA meeting on Monday night I wanted to go to her with, that is, if she'll go. I don't know. I really don't. Should I just walk away? The idea of that feels so wrong, giving up on someone when they need you the most.
I need help here...
She said it was just a few times, she just got it because other people did. No big deal, blah blah. I wanted to believe her so she promised it was over. She had just quit the job where she was around the people who influenced her to do it so now it wouldn't be a problem.
A few weeks later, same kind of situation except this time it was her roommates who found empty bags in her dresser. She said they were really old and she just kept the empty ones to remind her of where she'd been. We all wanted to believe her, so we did.
And then there was lat night. She met me at a bar with friends and came in looking trippy. She went to the bathroom and left cigarettes on the table so i went to toss them in her bag and low and behold, three baggies inside 2 half empty, one full.
We got home (to my apt) fought, yelled, she cried, I cried, she said she didn't know what she was doing, blah blah. It was 5am by now and we both fell asleep, she had to head to work this morning but promised to come over on Monday so we could talk about all this and try to figure out what to do. I asked her to leave the coke with me, so she did.
What in the hell am I supposed to do? I love her, we've been together 4 years and she claims her problem isn't too severe but does own up to have a problem. I've been researching all day, looking up CA programs, buying books, I'm in the dark here people. I don't do drugs, I never have. I grew up around people who did and saw what it did to all of their lives and just never had any desire but now I'm faced with this.
Should I offer help? Just be supportive? There's a CA meeting on Monday night I wanted to go to her with, that is, if she'll go. I don't know. I really don't. Should I just walk away? The idea of that feels so wrong, giving up on someone when they need you the most.
I need help here...
So glad this place is here…
I'm so glad I found this place where I can come and be honest, and you guys all know where I am coming from.
AS was released from detox on Thursday and the rehab picked him up and brought him over. I got a call from his counselor on Friday. He was starting his "I want to leave" thing again. She said he told then (even in group) that I can drug test him everyday, he'll go to work..blah blah blah. She wanted me to talk to him, to be strong, but I had to make it clear to him that if he chose to leave there, not to call me. Through all this I've never had to say this, because he has always backed down and given in to staying put.
She stayed with me on speakerphone for support, and AS came into her office. She said I have your mom on the phone and he immediately said I'll stay. She said fine, but you need to know that in the next 72 hours you'll want to leave again, and if you do, you need to know where your mom stands. I had to say it, through my tears, that if he chooses to leave, not to call me, that I cannot help him kill himself any longer. That the next call I'd like to get is that though it is tough, he is doing what he is supposed to there. She's very tough, told him lots he needed to hear, how he has upset all of us by doing this, caused anxiety, and you don't do that to the ones you love. I believe he is on blackout week so I won't hear from him, but she said she'd call tomorrow.
That phone call has sucked the very life out of me...no..I'll change that...this whole situation has sucked the life out of me. I have been a nervous wreck, on edge constantly waiting for the next ball to drop. I miss him terribly, my son, not the ghost of the person I sent to Florida two weeks ago. I went food shopping today and had suck an anxiety attack, that I almost started bawling in the Shoprite. LOL.
I know you guys won't judge me...you know what I am feeling. The few people who do know what's going just don't "get it". On another note, I found a local Families Anonymous meeting for Thursday. I'm gonna go check it out.
Just wanted to say thanks for your support, your wisdom, you prayers. As I read all of your posts, I know we are all different, but dealing with the same thing.
:You_Rock_
Eileen
AS was released from detox on Thursday and the rehab picked him up and brought him over. I got a call from his counselor on Friday. He was starting his "I want to leave" thing again. She said he told then (even in group) that I can drug test him everyday, he'll go to work..blah blah blah. She wanted me to talk to him, to be strong, but I had to make it clear to him that if he chose to leave there, not to call me. Through all this I've never had to say this, because he has always backed down and given in to staying put.
She stayed with me on speakerphone for support, and AS came into her office. She said I have your mom on the phone and he immediately said I'll stay. She said fine, but you need to know that in the next 72 hours you'll want to leave again, and if you do, you need to know where your mom stands. I had to say it, through my tears, that if he chooses to leave, not to call me, that I cannot help him kill himself any longer. That the next call I'd like to get is that though it is tough, he is doing what he is supposed to there. She's very tough, told him lots he needed to hear, how he has upset all of us by doing this, caused anxiety, and you don't do that to the ones you love. I believe he is on blackout week so I won't hear from him, but she said she'd call tomorrow.
That phone call has sucked the very life out of me...no..I'll change that...this whole situation has sucked the life out of me. I have been a nervous wreck, on edge constantly waiting for the next ball to drop. I miss him terribly, my son, not the ghost of the person I sent to Florida two weeks ago. I went food shopping today and had suck an anxiety attack, that I almost started bawling in the Shoprite. LOL.
I know you guys won't judge me...you know what I am feeling. The few people who do know what's going just don't "get it". On another note, I found a local Families Anonymous meeting for Thursday. I'm gonna go check it out.
Just wanted to say thanks for your support, your wisdom, you prayers. As I read all of your posts, I know we are all different, but dealing with the same thing.
:You_Rock_
Eileen
