Archive for the ‘Blessings’ tag
For those of you out there with children in active addictions…
For many many years, the holiday season, specifically Thanksgiving through Christmas, were incredibly painful and difficult for me.
Initially it was because I was in recovery from my own addictions/alcoholism and I was still wading through the intensely painful memories of the pain/chaos/confusion that I heaped upon loved ones and friends.
Then my own journey began as the parent of an addict/alcoholic, and I began to truly understand the depths of despair, the hopelessness, and helplessness that my parents had felt.
It has not been an easy journey, and despite my own recovery from alcoholism/addiction, I have had my own struggles with denial and enabling, all the crazy-making behavior of not being able to detach, especially with grandchildren being involved.
Finally, I have come to a point that, in spite of having a 30 year old daughter who continues on her path of destruction, I have peace of mind, and a quiet heart. I will celebrate this Thanksgiving with gratitude for all the blessings that I do have in my life, for there are many if I just look and see.
It hasn't been so long ago that I don't remember what it's like to spend a holiday filled with the agony of knowing my child is in active addiction, feeling nothing but sorrow and pain.
My higher power, my God, is a kind, loving, and immense God, and I want each and every one of you to know, especially those of you who will be struggling tomorrow through this holiday, that I have asked my God to wrap his loving arms around you too.
I pray that your heart will also find peace some day too. :ghug :ghug
Initially it was because I was in recovery from my own addictions/alcoholism and I was still wading through the intensely painful memories of the pain/chaos/confusion that I heaped upon loved ones and friends.
Then my own journey began as the parent of an addict/alcoholic, and I began to truly understand the depths of despair, the hopelessness, and helplessness that my parents had felt.
It has not been an easy journey, and despite my own recovery from alcoholism/addiction, I have had my own struggles with denial and enabling, all the crazy-making behavior of not being able to detach, especially with grandchildren being involved.
Finally, I have come to a point that, in spite of having a 30 year old daughter who continues on her path of destruction, I have peace of mind, and a quiet heart. I will celebrate this Thanksgiving with gratitude for all the blessings that I do have in my life, for there are many if I just look and see.
It hasn't been so long ago that I don't remember what it's like to spend a holiday filled with the agony of knowing my child is in active addiction, feeling nothing but sorrow and pain.
My higher power, my God, is a kind, loving, and immense God, and I want each and every one of you to know, especially those of you who will be struggling tomorrow through this holiday, that I have asked my God to wrap his loving arms around you too.
I pray that your heart will also find peace some day too. :ghug :ghug
Paying it Backward–A Thanksgiving Story
Over the past few months, my daughter and I have made a concerted effort to eat healthier and we've done fairly well. One of the ways we've been able to stick to our healthier eating plan is to occasionally allow ourselves to splurge on something not so healthy. So we allow ourselves one meal per month where we can eat anything we want.
This month we decided that we wanted to try McDonald's new southern fried chicken biscuits and today was our "splurge day," so we stopped at the drive-through window at our local McDonald's this morning and ordered up a chicken biscuit for each of us. When it was my turn to pay for the food, I handed the cashier a $10.00 bill and she immediately handed it back to me and said, "the woman in front of you paid your bill, told me to tell you ladies to have a great day, and you can thank her by doing something nice for someone else today."
Her simple act of kindness really brightened my day. So as my way of paying it forward, I chose to "pay it backward." I told the cashier I'd like to pay the bill for the person behind me in line. The line was long at the drive-through window, so I hope that everyone was able to pay it backward, too.
As soon as we had our food in tow, my daughter and I headed down the road chomping on our chicken biscuits and as we did, a woman in a red sports car passed us in the left lane and tipped her biscuit at us in thanks. She was the woman behind us in line.
I am so thankful for all the blessings I've received this year and today, I'm especially thankful for an act of kindness from a total stranger.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone, and if you have a chance to do so, consider paying it backward to someone waiting in line at a drive-through window the next time you make a fast food run. Sometimes fast food can be food for the soul.
This month we decided that we wanted to try McDonald's new southern fried chicken biscuits and today was our "splurge day," so we stopped at the drive-through window at our local McDonald's this morning and ordered up a chicken biscuit for each of us. When it was my turn to pay for the food, I handed the cashier a $10.00 bill and she immediately handed it back to me and said, "the woman in front of you paid your bill, told me to tell you ladies to have a great day, and you can thank her by doing something nice for someone else today."
Her simple act of kindness really brightened my day. So as my way of paying it forward, I chose to "pay it backward." I told the cashier I'd like to pay the bill for the person behind me in line. The line was long at the drive-through window, so I hope that everyone was able to pay it backward, too.
As soon as we had our food in tow, my daughter and I headed down the road chomping on our chicken biscuits and as we did, a woman in a red sports car passed us in the left lane and tipped her biscuit at us in thanks. She was the woman behind us in line.
I am so thankful for all the blessings I've received this year and today, I'm especially thankful for an act of kindness from a total stranger.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone, and if you have a chance to do so, consider paying it backward to someone waiting in line at a drive-through window the next time you make a fast food run. Sometimes fast food can be food for the soul.
Is Al-Anon for spouses of recovering addicts too?
I'm new here, so...Hi, I guess!
My husband is a recovering alcoholic who has been sober for about 6 months. (His longest ever!) Although I'm very proud of his accomplisment, and the dedication he's demonstrated towards his recovery (working his steps, going to meetings, etc...) I find myself in a bit of a strange place. Because I've been out of state taking care of a sick family member for the better part of five months, I'm afraid that I don't really know how to deal with his recovery. I admit that I've distanced myself from his process, in part to ensure that it is "his own", but also partly to protect myself from the disapointment of too many cycles of relapse.
Anyway, I was talking with my friend (whose father is 26 years sober and still very involved in an active recovery) about how I didn't really know how to be a good wife to a recovering alcoholic, and how I was feeling alienated from him since he (with my most sincere blessings) became so involved in AA. She suggested that Al-Anon might be a good place to start.
I guess I always thought that Al-Anon was a place for people whose lives were affected by people who drank....is it also a place for people who are learning to live with a loved one who no longer drinks? It seems silly and petty to complain or be concerned about things that have happened since he stopped drinking...I mean after all, isn't that the main objective? But I begin to wonder if there isn't some sort of recovery process that I'm supposed to go through myself...from someone who was an enabler (active or not) to someone who can be a supporter?
I don't know if this is the right forum to reach out for help in this matter. If not, I hope you'll forgive me on the basis that I'm kind of new to this. But if you can give me any advice, I'm all ears...
Thanks for hearing me out,
Frankie
My husband is a recovering alcoholic who has been sober for about 6 months. (His longest ever!) Although I'm very proud of his accomplisment, and the dedication he's demonstrated towards his recovery (working his steps, going to meetings, etc...) I find myself in a bit of a strange place. Because I've been out of state taking care of a sick family member for the better part of five months, I'm afraid that I don't really know how to deal with his recovery. I admit that I've distanced myself from his process, in part to ensure that it is "his own", but also partly to protect myself from the disapointment of too many cycles of relapse.
Anyway, I was talking with my friend (whose father is 26 years sober and still very involved in an active recovery) about how I didn't really know how to be a good wife to a recovering alcoholic, and how I was feeling alienated from him since he (with my most sincere blessings) became so involved in AA. She suggested that Al-Anon might be a good place to start.
I guess I always thought that Al-Anon was a place for people whose lives were affected by people who drank....is it also a place for people who are learning to live with a loved one who no longer drinks? It seems silly and petty to complain or be concerned about things that have happened since he stopped drinking...I mean after all, isn't that the main objective? But I begin to wonder if there isn't some sort of recovery process that I'm supposed to go through myself...from someone who was an enabler (active or not) to someone who can be a supporter?
I don't know if this is the right forum to reach out for help in this matter. If not, I hope you'll forgive me on the basis that I'm kind of new to this. But if you can give me any advice, I'm all ears...
Thanks for hearing me out,
Frankie
I was wrong- I admit it.
I'm posting this because my reply to another post got me thinking. So here goes.
Alcoholism is a disease, and I am an alcoholic. Sober 5 weeks, but still an alcoholic.
I've been on vacation from work this past week, and to help fill the time I picked up my copies of "Under the Influence" and "Beyond the Influence". In a few short hours of reading, I had my yellow highlighter in hand. After reading tese two books, I can say without hesitation that I have a disease called alcholism, and yes, I am an alcholic.
A month ago or so, I made some posts stating that I didn't believe it was a disease, that I was an alcohol abuser or heavy drinker, but not an alcoholic. I chose to drink to excess and further damage my health, my personal relations, etc. The term 'alcoholic' just didn't seem to fit.
After re-reading these books and many of the posts on this forum, I now readilly admit that I do indeed suffer from the disease of alcoholism, and am, therefore, alcoholic.
There are still a few things that I don't agree with, but I can no longer try to deny my way out of a real affliction.
:sorry
Brightest blessings to all!
Love,
BHJ
Alcoholism is a disease, and I am an alcoholic. Sober 5 weeks, but still an alcoholic.
I've been on vacation from work this past week, and to help fill the time I picked up my copies of "Under the Influence" and "Beyond the Influence". In a few short hours of reading, I had my yellow highlighter in hand. After reading tese two books, I can say without hesitation that I have a disease called alcholism, and yes, I am an alcholic.
A month ago or so, I made some posts stating that I didn't believe it was a disease, that I was an alcohol abuser or heavy drinker, but not an alcoholic. I chose to drink to excess and further damage my health, my personal relations, etc. The term 'alcoholic' just didn't seem to fit.
After re-reading these books and many of the posts on this forum, I now readilly admit that I do indeed suffer from the disease of alcoholism, and am, therefore, alcoholic.
There are still a few things that I don't agree with, but I can no longer try to deny my way out of a real affliction.
:sorry
Brightest blessings to all!
Love,
BHJ
Language of Letting Go - October 29 - Acceptance
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Acceptance
A magical potion is available to us today. That potion is called acceptance.
We are asked to accept many things: ourselves, as we are; our feelings, needs, desires, choices, and current status of being. Other people, as they are. The status of our relationships with them. Problems. Blessings. Financial status. Where we live. Our work, our tasks, our level of performance at these tasks.
Resistance will not move us forward, nor will it eliminate the undesirable. But even our resistance may need to be accepted. Even resistance yields to and is changed by acceptance.
Acceptance is the magic that makes change possible. It is not forever; it is for the present moment.
Acceptance is the magic that makes our present circumstances good. It brings peace and contentment and opens the door to growth, change, and moving forward.
It shines the light of positive energy on all that we have and are. Within the framework of acceptance, we figure out what we need to do to take care of ourselves.
Acceptance empowers the positive and tells God we have surrendered to the Plan. We have mastered today's lesson, and are ready to move on.
Today, I will accept. I will relinquish my need to be in resistance to my environment and myself. I will surrender. I will cultivate contentment and gratitude. I will move forward in joy by accepting where I am today.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Acceptance
A magical potion is available to us today. That potion is called acceptance.
We are asked to accept many things: ourselves, as we are; our feelings, needs, desires, choices, and current status of being. Other people, as they are. The status of our relationships with them. Problems. Blessings. Financial status. Where we live. Our work, our tasks, our level of performance at these tasks.
Resistance will not move us forward, nor will it eliminate the undesirable. But even our resistance may need to be accepted. Even resistance yields to and is changed by acceptance.
Acceptance is the magic that makes change possible. It is not forever; it is for the present moment.
Acceptance is the magic that makes our present circumstances good. It brings peace and contentment and opens the door to growth, change, and moving forward.
It shines the light of positive energy on all that we have and are. Within the framework of acceptance, we figure out what we need to do to take care of ourselves.
Acceptance empowers the positive and tells God we have surrendered to the Plan. We have mastered today's lesson, and are ready to move on.
Today, I will accept. I will relinquish my need to be in resistance to my environment and myself. I will surrender. I will cultivate contentment and gratitude. I will move forward in joy by accepting where I am today.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Just curious too
I am so privildged to read all your posts, all your experiences.
I consider you to be some of the wisest caring people I know.
If I have a shaky day, I come to your happy home for inspiration.
I have not had a long drinking career.
I have not lost my job..... yet.
I have not lost my house .....yet
I have not lost my partner.........yet.
What I do struggle with though is the constant ruminating and worrying about the stupid things I have done while drinking in the past. These both relate to work and home and family. I cannot often get on with things becuase I constantly go over in mind the last time I fell asleep in the bar when with work colleagues and had to be carried to bed in full view of everyone. Or torturing myself with what if I did something stupid at that party with my friends when I blacked out and they are not telling me.
I cannot put this down to the fact that I have an illness so thats why I did it, or at least not yet.
My past actions are actually making me withdraw from my friends. It is making me lonely. I feel a great sense of shame at work, that I am seen as a joke, even though I work in a very boozy enviroment.
If you have time to advice, or share your experiences, I would be so grateful.
Blessings to you all
x
I consider you to be some of the wisest caring people I know.
If I have a shaky day, I come to your happy home for inspiration.
I have not had a long drinking career.
I have not lost my job..... yet.
I have not lost my house .....yet
I have not lost my partner.........yet.
What I do struggle with though is the constant ruminating and worrying about the stupid things I have done while drinking in the past. These both relate to work and home and family. I cannot often get on with things becuase I constantly go over in mind the last time I fell asleep in the bar when with work colleagues and had to be carried to bed in full view of everyone. Or torturing myself with what if I did something stupid at that party with my friends when I blacked out and they are not telling me.
I cannot put this down to the fact that I have an illness so thats why I did it, or at least not yet.
My past actions are actually making me withdraw from my friends. It is making me lonely. I feel a great sense of shame at work, that I am seen as a joke, even though I work in a very boozy enviroment.
If you have time to advice, or share your experiences, I would be so grateful.
Blessings to you all
x
Criticism.
In the early stages of my recovery I couldnÂ’t understand how criticism, positive or negative could help me grow in my healing from the disease of addiction. When I was criticizes automatically I went in to a defensive mode. Then came the game of war of words. Right after that came the anger and resentment towards whoever was giving out the criticism. When I felt attacked, I attack back. Sometimes the attack happens only in my mind as I indulge in resentments and fantasies of revenge. My reaction in the past to criticism was simple, Im from Brooklyn I donÂ’t get mad I get even. Today I know that healthy recovering people do not dwell in this type of thinking.
Working the steps, I had a light bulb moment. I started to understand why being criticize was such a big issue in my life. It came from my childhood. Unconsciously I acted out on life because of my childhood wounds. It is not only dysfunctional, it is ridiculous to maintain that what happened in my childhood did not affect my adult life. I had layers upon layers of denial, emotional dishonesty, buried trauma, unfulfilled needs, my heart was broken, my spirit was broken, my beliefs in a Higher Power wounded, I was shamefully criticized.
Some of the choices I made as adult were made in reaction to my childhood wounds. Working my program of recovery and uncovering the truth. I realize when I was being criticize I was reacting and acting out of anger from my childhood wounds. I was giving it the power to control my life. As I let go of my past personalities. I react to criticism with a complete different mindset and attitude.
I am leaning as I go through this journey, where the feelings of Restless, Irritable, and Discontent originated from. With the blessings I receive from working the steps of NA and the strength of my Higher Power. I can start forgiving myself and make amends to the ones I harm in the past. But most of all, I can forgive those who I trusted the most as a child.
In recovery, we say Principles before Personalities. Today I understand that statement with clarity.
Ivan
Working the steps, I had a light bulb moment. I started to understand why being criticize was such a big issue in my life. It came from my childhood. Unconsciously I acted out on life because of my childhood wounds. It is not only dysfunctional, it is ridiculous to maintain that what happened in my childhood did not affect my adult life. I had layers upon layers of denial, emotional dishonesty, buried trauma, unfulfilled needs, my heart was broken, my spirit was broken, my beliefs in a Higher Power wounded, I was shamefully criticized.
Some of the choices I made as adult were made in reaction to my childhood wounds. Working my program of recovery and uncovering the truth. I realize when I was being criticize I was reacting and acting out of anger from my childhood wounds. I was giving it the power to control my life. As I let go of my past personalities. I react to criticism with a complete different mindset and attitude.
I am leaning as I go through this journey, where the feelings of Restless, Irritable, and Discontent originated from. With the blessings I receive from working the steps of NA and the strength of my Higher Power. I can start forgiving myself and make amends to the ones I harm in the past. But most of all, I can forgive those who I trusted the most as a child.
In recovery, we say Principles before Personalities. Today I understand that statement with clarity.
Ivan
One year ago……….
One year ago I found this website.............SR............ It has made such a difference in my life. When I found you all I was struggling. I was struggling with staying clean. I could get clean on my own, but could not stay that way.
I had perhaps 45 days, 23 days, etc. However, coming here I only had one relapse in Jan and it was only 3 days.
I can remember there was a woman on here who got her one year on Jan. 17, 2008. I sent her a PM and asked her how she did it. She said she went to NA meetings, got a sponsor, and started working the steps. So here I am, almost done with step 4, have a sponsor, lead a meeting and have 3 days shy of 9 months!
Thank you all at SR for all of your support! blessings, Sheila :You_Rock_
I had perhaps 45 days, 23 days, etc. However, coming here I only had one relapse in Jan and it was only 3 days.
I can remember there was a woman on here who got her one year on Jan. 17, 2008. I sent her a PM and asked her how she did it. She said she went to NA meetings, got a sponsor, and started working the steps. So here I am, almost done with step 4, have a sponsor, lead a meeting and have 3 days shy of 9 months!
Thank you all at SR for all of your support! blessings, Sheila :You_Rock_
Model Railroading, anyone?
I've recently begun a new model railroad in my basement.
Any other modellers out there?
I'll post some pics in a day or so (it's getting late for me here and I haven't quite figured out uploading images) of what I've done so far (just benchwork), and I'd like to see if any others out there share this hobby.
Post your pix if you have them. From a simple plywood 4x8 or door to an elaborate mini-empire. I'd love to see them.
Blessings to all.
BHJ
Any other modellers out there?
I'll post some pics in a day or so (it's getting late for me here and I haven't quite figured out uploading images) of what I've done so far (just benchwork), and I'd like to see if any others out there share this hobby.
Post your pix if you have them. From a simple plywood 4x8 or door to an elaborate mini-empire. I'd love to see them.
Blessings to all.
BHJ
Hopeful
I'm so glad I found this site and I'm hopeful that here I can finally find the support I need to regain control of my life. I've been using alcohol as a crutch for far too long now, I'm not in denial about that. But up until the last few months (and especially the last week and a half) it hasn't crippled my life. Depression, overwhelming stress, guilt & worry have led me to lean on my crutch more and more. I'm not ready cry on anyone's shoulder and tell my FULL story just yet but after reading some of your stories, I'm hoping that soon I'll feel comfortable enough to do so. But because writing is an outlet for my stress, I'm going to share part of my story...
A couple of years ago, my sister came to my house and found me drunk and crying, depressed over an argument with my husband about our individual and collective stresses as a family just moments before... she insisted on taking me to an AA meeting and I was at the point where I knew I needed SOME kind of help so I agreed. I've never felt so uncomfortable and out of place in my life! I honestly felt GUILTY for being there, hearing stories from people who had lost their spouses, children, friends, homes and jobs over their alcoholism. Tales of waking up in a gutter after a week-long binge, not knowing how they got there, brought me to tears. Tales of being strapped to a gurney in DT's, brought me to tears. I didn't judge them but how could I possibly tell my tale to these people who needed MY support WAY more than I needed theirs? It's in my nature to want to help people in need so much so that I tend to neglect myself and my needs... especially when they pale in comparison and I KNOW I should just count my blessings and pull myself up by the bootstraps and get my act together! *sigh*
The last couple of weeks, I have been MAJORLY stressed and I know exactly why but I'm so overwhelmed, I don't have a clue where to begin unravelling this mess... so I've leaned on alcohol more than ever to just numb the pain and try to escape. Of course, that doesn't work but it's an all too comfortably temporary fix... *peh* Neglect of MYSELF has become glaringly apparent to my family (and myself, too)... to the point that my sister came here last night, took my children home with her (with my agreement -- I needed a break and so did they). Today she made phone calls, suggested a "plan" would send me away from my home, husband, children and job for 16 weeks. An hour later, my daughter called me crying to come home... so she's coming home tomorrow, right after school! My son is having too much fun with my brother-in-law, so I'm going to let him stay there for the time being...
I'm aware that I have problems that need my sober attention, and that I have been abusing alcohol instead of taking care of myself, focusing on a plan of action and leaning on someone else's shoulder when I'm stressed... but I honestly don't think 16 weeks away from my family is going to cure my problems... if anything, I think they will make them worse.
Maybe I'm in denial about the extent of my alcohol abuse and if that's the case, I'll check myself into rehab. But for right now, I think that if I can find support from some non-judgemental people who can help me get off this crutch and find strength to walk on my own two feet again, I can get back on track before it's too late. And if I'm lucky enough to find that, I will make it my goal to return the favor.
Thank you for giving me a place to vent.
:ghug
A couple of years ago, my sister came to my house and found me drunk and crying, depressed over an argument with my husband about our individual and collective stresses as a family just moments before... she insisted on taking me to an AA meeting and I was at the point where I knew I needed SOME kind of help so I agreed. I've never felt so uncomfortable and out of place in my life! I honestly felt GUILTY for being there, hearing stories from people who had lost their spouses, children, friends, homes and jobs over their alcoholism. Tales of waking up in a gutter after a week-long binge, not knowing how they got there, brought me to tears. Tales of being strapped to a gurney in DT's, brought me to tears. I didn't judge them but how could I possibly tell my tale to these people who needed MY support WAY more than I needed theirs? It's in my nature to want to help people in need so much so that I tend to neglect myself and my needs... especially when they pale in comparison and I KNOW I should just count my blessings and pull myself up by the bootstraps and get my act together! *sigh*
The last couple of weeks, I have been MAJORLY stressed and I know exactly why but I'm so overwhelmed, I don't have a clue where to begin unravelling this mess... so I've leaned on alcohol more than ever to just numb the pain and try to escape. Of course, that doesn't work but it's an all too comfortably temporary fix... *peh* Neglect of MYSELF has become glaringly apparent to my family (and myself, too)... to the point that my sister came here last night, took my children home with her (with my agreement -- I needed a break and so did they). Today she made phone calls, suggested a "plan" would send me away from my home, husband, children and job for 16 weeks. An hour later, my daughter called me crying to come home... so she's coming home tomorrow, right after school! My son is having too much fun with my brother-in-law, so I'm going to let him stay there for the time being...
I'm aware that I have problems that need my sober attention, and that I have been abusing alcohol instead of taking care of myself, focusing on a plan of action and leaning on someone else's shoulder when I'm stressed... but I honestly don't think 16 weeks away from my family is going to cure my problems... if anything, I think they will make them worse.
Maybe I'm in denial about the extent of my alcohol abuse and if that's the case, I'll check myself into rehab. But for right now, I think that if I can find support from some non-judgemental people who can help me get off this crutch and find strength to walk on my own two feet again, I can get back on track before it's too late. And if I'm lucky enough to find that, I will make it my goal to return the favor.
Thank you for giving me a place to vent.
:ghug
