Archive for the ‘Booboo’ tag
He wants to come home…
Ok, so I guess me contacting him after 10 days of no contact was more of a booboo then I had imagined it would be. He text me today to tell me how much he loves me, how hurt he has been over the last 4 months and it went on and on. Yes, I did text him back. I said it wouldn't work out between us, because just yesterday he left me e-mail which seemed to me seething with anger towards me. He said he would go to counseling and that he wants to be with me. I told him no, it's too late for that at this point and that I was sorry for contacting him because it has caused too much pain and I have shed enough tears over this S@(#.. I also said that I can't change yesterday, but I can make sure that he has no more of my tomorrows. He then asked me if I was having relationships with anyone since he has been gone. I told him the truth, that I can't imagine at this point that I can enter into an intimate relationship with anyone (albeit I have a male friend, but we just talk) He then asked me if he can call me to talk about this. I said no, I can't afford to talk to you right now. (emotionally) I was crying terribly by time the texting was done.
I got off the computer and called my brother right away. He said, listen you have to do what you feel is best for you, but in my opinion he is jerking you around because he senses that he is losing you because you went so long without contact and that isn't your personality. He will leave you again if you take him back. His (my brothers) girlfriend was in the background saying, but you changed why can't he quit drinking and go to counseling, maybe she should give him the benifit of the doubt. He repeted, you can do what you want, it is your life, but you can't hear yourself over the last 6 times he has left you and you are crying, in so much pain, nearly suicidal, but I have heard you.. I hear you and I don't want you to hurt that way and put yourself into the same situation because someone who promised you many times they would go to counseling (and never did) will come into your life and treat you unkind and downright mean and leave you sitting there crying and in pain all over again. But, listen, it is your life but please take time to think this over and think about what you have gained in personal strength. He said you are doing good. It was good to tell him that he can't call you tonight because you might just be too lonely right now and are not thinking this through.
This is my opinion on this, for myself. I WISH, hope, and pray that God has spoken to his heart and that he really wants to get help. I honestly can't see that he is telling the truth, not so much lying but just making false promises to keep me hanging on. He is still stuck on that notion that this is my fault because of my mistrust in men (which I do have.. no kidding!!) I look around at my life, not really empty, my arms may be empty at night when I lay down, but hey I have no one puking in the middle of the night, or spitting in my hair because he is mad at me for something I said while he was drunk. I am paying my bills, first time in my life that I was ever 100% responsible for paying the bills. I have a life with little to no stress. I have company, if my son is not here then someone is, and when my son is here so is 7 of his friends which is a blast to hear a bunch of teen boys laughing it up about stupid stuff. If the XABF came back he wouldn't be happy with that situation, and I don't want to cut my sons social life for an 'if'.
1/2 of me misses him so much I can puke, the other 1/2 of me wants to puke because I am still thinking about him and talking to him.
I really am contemplating taking him back. I am such a sad sack. ugghh..
Any input would help me out greatly. I am not going to take his call tonight, but I know him, he will call until I cave and I need some insight from people who have been there.
I got off the computer and called my brother right away. He said, listen you have to do what you feel is best for you, but in my opinion he is jerking you around because he senses that he is losing you because you went so long without contact and that isn't your personality. He will leave you again if you take him back. His (my brothers) girlfriend was in the background saying, but you changed why can't he quit drinking and go to counseling, maybe she should give him the benifit of the doubt. He repeted, you can do what you want, it is your life, but you can't hear yourself over the last 6 times he has left you and you are crying, in so much pain, nearly suicidal, but I have heard you.. I hear you and I don't want you to hurt that way and put yourself into the same situation because someone who promised you many times they would go to counseling (and never did) will come into your life and treat you unkind and downright mean and leave you sitting there crying and in pain all over again. But, listen, it is your life but please take time to think this over and think about what you have gained in personal strength. He said you are doing good. It was good to tell him that he can't call you tonight because you might just be too lonely right now and are not thinking this through.
This is my opinion on this, for myself. I WISH, hope, and pray that God has spoken to his heart and that he really wants to get help. I honestly can't see that he is telling the truth, not so much lying but just making false promises to keep me hanging on. He is still stuck on that notion that this is my fault because of my mistrust in men (which I do have.. no kidding!!) I look around at my life, not really empty, my arms may be empty at night when I lay down, but hey I have no one puking in the middle of the night, or spitting in my hair because he is mad at me for something I said while he was drunk. I am paying my bills, first time in my life that I was ever 100% responsible for paying the bills. I have a life with little to no stress. I have company, if my son is not here then someone is, and when my son is here so is 7 of his friends which is a blast to hear a bunch of teen boys laughing it up about stupid stuff. If the XABF came back he wouldn't be happy with that situation, and I don't want to cut my sons social life for an 'if'.
1/2 of me misses him so much I can puke, the other 1/2 of me wants to puke because I am still thinking about him and talking to him.
I really am contemplating taking him back. I am such a sad sack. ugghh..
Any input would help me out greatly. I am not going to take his call tonight, but I know him, he will call until I cave and I need some insight from people who have been there.
