Archive for the ‘Bootstraps’ tag
Need help helping others understand mental health
Hi everyone! I have posted infrequently in this forum as I am a dual-diagnosis with opiate addiction adn spend most of my time there. But now I need help from those of you with experience.
I have suffered with depression since I was a child, but did not start anti-d until I was 25. I was a very moody child, had middle-child syndrome to the tee!. So I stayed on anti-d for a few years then decided to stop. Go figure I chose to go off them at one of the worst times in my family's life, but I got through it. But afterwards I sank into a deep depression adn started up again. I have been on more anti-d than I can count. A few years ago I was diagnosed as bipolar II. I don't know if I just was in denial that I was anything other than depression, but I was very hesitant about taking any other meds. I ended up agreeing on a few different mood stabilizer (not anti-psychotics). My friends knew I struggled, and my lows were so low that I would call in to work for a 1 at a time (I'm an RN). I started abusing medications like nyquil and other OTC drugs similar (cough medicine). If I had bronchitis I always asks for tussinex--a great codein cough medicine. HHowever, it did' tbother me once I ran out--did' feel like i needed it. Until I start taking pills, that's where it all went down hill and I've abused opiate for the last 2 years--up to 20-40 15mg oxys daily. I would work high, everyday of my life I had to be loaded up in order to be able to get anything done. It was when I finally emotionally collapsed and revealed it to my family that my life was coming to an end. I did not think I could ever be functional again. Fortuatnely now, I am living at my parent's house--2 hours away from where I was living.
The point of starting this thread (that I almost forgot!) Is that my best friend is having a realy hard time understanding why I can't just pull up my bootstraps and suck it up (my 2 least fav sayings!). I've tried explaining it in al ways possible but she really isn't getting it. She thinks that I am allowing myself stay depressed and I'm not going out there trying to get better. I told her she had no clue how bad I was when I went to detox. I truly felt like I wold never feel better at anytime in my lifef. She is a very religious person, and I think this is what makes a difference as well. However, the problem I have with her not understanding is that she was bulemic up until a few years ago. Bulemia , like drugs ancohol is a disease as well. Really I'm just asking for help from anyone who they have had to explain this to. I livein FL and was supposed to go see her in Chicago this past Wed. I decided on Tues night that I couldn't go--I didn't feel physically (from the drugs) or mentally (from teh depression). I had a conversation ont he phone with her on Tuesday and I think that is what made me call off the trip--she just reiterated how I need to suck it up and look at eachday as a gift. That is so much easier said than done. I do try to do that, but you hit rock bttom, things aren't going to change in the blink of an eye. Also. she does not believe that mental health issues are considered diseaes. the real problem I hav with this is that sh was bulemic for years--aren't eatin diorders considred disease as well? I'mjust confused becuae I am heart broken that I didn't go up there--I told her it's because I just still don't feel strong enough. Her 2 yr old girl is my godaughter who I have seen only times. She also has a 1 yr old girl that I haven't seen since she was 2 weeks old. My friend was doing everything possible to keep my day dull so that I would not have too much downtime. I think if we had had a better talk the day before I was to leave, it may have been differen, but because she was still not truly realizing the severit of what happened, I was feeling like I may disappoint her up there if I were to have a bad day or deal with strong need to use.
So, after this rambling, does anyone have any suggestions on approaching this with her? We've been best friends for so long and she has been there with me through some rough times. No one, not even here, knew about the addiction until I was told I had to go to detox. then only my family and 2 choice friends found out about it. Actually I was so nervous about tellig her I could'nt even call her for a week because I as ashamed. So, my qusestion to you all, if you are willing to help, is to give me some guidance on how to handle this situation. i want her to understand so badly. I helped her the best I could through her eating disorder, and she credits me with helping her. Any and all suggestions are appreciated!!1
I have suffered with depression since I was a child, but did not start anti-d until I was 25. I was a very moody child, had middle-child syndrome to the tee!. So I stayed on anti-d for a few years then decided to stop. Go figure I chose to go off them at one of the worst times in my family's life, but I got through it. But afterwards I sank into a deep depression adn started up again. I have been on more anti-d than I can count. A few years ago I was diagnosed as bipolar II. I don't know if I just was in denial that I was anything other than depression, but I was very hesitant about taking any other meds. I ended up agreeing on a few different mood stabilizer (not anti-psychotics). My friends knew I struggled, and my lows were so low that I would call in to work for a 1 at a time (I'm an RN). I started abusing medications like nyquil and other OTC drugs similar (cough medicine). If I had bronchitis I always asks for tussinex--a great codein cough medicine. HHowever, it did' tbother me once I ran out--did' feel like i needed it. Until I start taking pills, that's where it all went down hill and I've abused opiate for the last 2 years--up to 20-40 15mg oxys daily. I would work high, everyday of my life I had to be loaded up in order to be able to get anything done. It was when I finally emotionally collapsed and revealed it to my family that my life was coming to an end. I did not think I could ever be functional again. Fortuatnely now, I am living at my parent's house--2 hours away from where I was living.
The point of starting this thread (that I almost forgot!) Is that my best friend is having a realy hard time understanding why I can't just pull up my bootstraps and suck it up (my 2 least fav sayings!). I've tried explaining it in al ways possible but she really isn't getting it. She thinks that I am allowing myself stay depressed and I'm not going out there trying to get better. I told her she had no clue how bad I was when I went to detox. I truly felt like I wold never feel better at anytime in my lifef. She is a very religious person, and I think this is what makes a difference as well. However, the problem I have with her not understanding is that she was bulemic up until a few years ago. Bulemia , like drugs ancohol is a disease as well. Really I'm just asking for help from anyone who they have had to explain this to. I livein FL and was supposed to go see her in Chicago this past Wed. I decided on Tues night that I couldn't go--I didn't feel physically (from the drugs) or mentally (from teh depression). I had a conversation ont he phone with her on Tuesday and I think that is what made me call off the trip--she just reiterated how I need to suck it up and look at eachday as a gift. That is so much easier said than done. I do try to do that, but you hit rock bttom, things aren't going to change in the blink of an eye. Also. she does not believe that mental health issues are considered diseaes. the real problem I hav with this is that sh was bulemic for years--aren't eatin diorders considred disease as well? I'mjust confused becuae I am heart broken that I didn't go up there--I told her it's because I just still don't feel strong enough. Her 2 yr old girl is my godaughter who I have seen only times. She also has a 1 yr old girl that I haven't seen since she was 2 weeks old. My friend was doing everything possible to keep my day dull so that I would not have too much downtime. I think if we had had a better talk the day before I was to leave, it may have been differen, but because she was still not truly realizing the severit of what happened, I was feeling like I may disappoint her up there if I were to have a bad day or deal with strong need to use.
So, after this rambling, does anyone have any suggestions on approaching this with her? We've been best friends for so long and she has been there with me through some rough times. No one, not even here, knew about the addiction until I was told I had to go to detox. then only my family and 2 choice friends found out about it. Actually I was so nervous about tellig her I could'nt even call her for a week because I as ashamed. So, my qusestion to you all, if you are willing to help, is to give me some guidance on how to handle this situation. i want her to understand so badly. I helped her the best I could through her eating disorder, and she credits me with helping her. Any and all suggestions are appreciated!!1
Hopeful
I'm so glad I found this site and I'm hopeful that here I can finally find the support I need to regain control of my life. I've been using alcohol as a crutch for far too long now, I'm not in denial about that. But up until the last few months (and especially the last week and a half) it hasn't crippled my life. Depression, overwhelming stress, guilt & worry have led me to lean on my crutch more and more. I'm not ready cry on anyone's shoulder and tell my FULL story just yet but after reading some of your stories, I'm hoping that soon I'll feel comfortable enough to do so. But because writing is an outlet for my stress, I'm going to share part of my story...
A couple of years ago, my sister came to my house and found me drunk and crying, depressed over an argument with my husband about our individual and collective stresses as a family just moments before... she insisted on taking me to an AA meeting and I was at the point where I knew I needed SOME kind of help so I agreed. I've never felt so uncomfortable and out of place in my life! I honestly felt GUILTY for being there, hearing stories from people who had lost their spouses, children, friends, homes and jobs over their alcoholism. Tales of waking up in a gutter after a week-long binge, not knowing how they got there, brought me to tears. Tales of being strapped to a gurney in DT's, brought me to tears. I didn't judge them but how could I possibly tell my tale to these people who needed MY support WAY more than I needed theirs? It's in my nature to want to help people in need so much so that I tend to neglect myself and my needs... especially when they pale in comparison and I KNOW I should just count my blessings and pull myself up by the bootstraps and get my act together! *sigh*
The last couple of weeks, I have been MAJORLY stressed and I know exactly why but I'm so overwhelmed, I don't have a clue where to begin unravelling this mess... so I've leaned on alcohol more than ever to just numb the pain and try to escape. Of course, that doesn't work but it's an all too comfortably temporary fix... *peh* Neglect of MYSELF has become glaringly apparent to my family (and myself, too)... to the point that my sister came here last night, took my children home with her (with my agreement -- I needed a break and so did they). Today she made phone calls, suggested a "plan" would send me away from my home, husband, children and job for 16 weeks. An hour later, my daughter called me crying to come home... so she's coming home tomorrow, right after school! My son is having too much fun with my brother-in-law, so I'm going to let him stay there for the time being...
I'm aware that I have problems that need my sober attention, and that I have been abusing alcohol instead of taking care of myself, focusing on a plan of action and leaning on someone else's shoulder when I'm stressed... but I honestly don't think 16 weeks away from my family is going to cure my problems... if anything, I think they will make them worse.
Maybe I'm in denial about the extent of my alcohol abuse and if that's the case, I'll check myself into rehab. But for right now, I think that if I can find support from some non-judgemental people who can help me get off this crutch and find strength to walk on my own two feet again, I can get back on track before it's too late. And if I'm lucky enough to find that, I will make it my goal to return the favor.
Thank you for giving me a place to vent.
:ghug
A couple of years ago, my sister came to my house and found me drunk and crying, depressed over an argument with my husband about our individual and collective stresses as a family just moments before... she insisted on taking me to an AA meeting and I was at the point where I knew I needed SOME kind of help so I agreed. I've never felt so uncomfortable and out of place in my life! I honestly felt GUILTY for being there, hearing stories from people who had lost their spouses, children, friends, homes and jobs over their alcoholism. Tales of waking up in a gutter after a week-long binge, not knowing how they got there, brought me to tears. Tales of being strapped to a gurney in DT's, brought me to tears. I didn't judge them but how could I possibly tell my tale to these people who needed MY support WAY more than I needed theirs? It's in my nature to want to help people in need so much so that I tend to neglect myself and my needs... especially when they pale in comparison and I KNOW I should just count my blessings and pull myself up by the bootstraps and get my act together! *sigh*
The last couple of weeks, I have been MAJORLY stressed and I know exactly why but I'm so overwhelmed, I don't have a clue where to begin unravelling this mess... so I've leaned on alcohol more than ever to just numb the pain and try to escape. Of course, that doesn't work but it's an all too comfortably temporary fix... *peh* Neglect of MYSELF has become glaringly apparent to my family (and myself, too)... to the point that my sister came here last night, took my children home with her (with my agreement -- I needed a break and so did they). Today she made phone calls, suggested a "plan" would send me away from my home, husband, children and job for 16 weeks. An hour later, my daughter called me crying to come home... so she's coming home tomorrow, right after school! My son is having too much fun with my brother-in-law, so I'm going to let him stay there for the time being...
I'm aware that I have problems that need my sober attention, and that I have been abusing alcohol instead of taking care of myself, focusing on a plan of action and leaning on someone else's shoulder when I'm stressed... but I honestly don't think 16 weeks away from my family is going to cure my problems... if anything, I think they will make them worse.
Maybe I'm in denial about the extent of my alcohol abuse and if that's the case, I'll check myself into rehab. But for right now, I think that if I can find support from some non-judgemental people who can help me get off this crutch and find strength to walk on my own two feet again, I can get back on track before it's too late. And if I'm lucky enough to find that, I will make it my goal to return the favor.
Thank you for giving me a place to vent.
:ghug
