Archive for the ‘Boredom’ tag
Day 3
Here it is day, 3...I would be drinking by now, because this would be the "other" day of my "every other" day drinking binge. This has became a routine of mine since my hubby and I lost our jobs a little over 2 months ago. We just got back from the store and I'm getting ready to make some taco salads...yummy. Still hanging in there and taking it "A Day At A Time". I'm so happy that my hubby is supportive of me and he doesn't like drinking that much anymore. He used to enjoy drinking about a year and a half ago and just did it mostly out of boredom. Me on the other hand did it out of boredom, for fun, when I was stressed and mostly for the buzz...I enjoyed doing it no matter what. It sure made everything more fun...like cleaning house, dishes, doing crafts and just plain hanging out at home. But I would have such terrible guilt the next day, even if everything went just fine the night before. I just wanted to check in and let you know how I was doing and that I haven't had a drink since New Years Eve. Right now I'm drinking a Diet Pepsi w/Wild Cherry flavoring...."Cheers, here's to another day and here's to today". :dance8::dance8:
Let's just see what tomorrow brings, because it is another day.
I would love to say no more for me please, never doing it again...but that is just to scary to think about. That is why I'd rather deal with it a day at a time. Besides, I think I would be pleased with myself if I did just cut back to once a month compared to the every other day routine.
Thanks for Listening and God Bless!!!
Take Care,
XOXO
Let's just see what tomorrow brings, because it is another day.
I would love to say no more for me please, never doing it again...but that is just to scary to think about. That is why I'd rather deal with it a day at a time. Besides, I think I would be pleased with myself if I did just cut back to once a month compared to the every other day routine.
Thanks for Listening and God Bless!!!
Take Care,
XOXO
New to the Civilian World
Hmmm...where to begin? I'm a 4.5 year veteran of the military. I've just gotten out about 2 months ago and only then, have I truly realized my experience? dependence? stupidity? with alcohol.
I never used to drink in high school and got introduced to it while in the military. Slowly but steadily, I noticed that all of our off-time revolved around drinking. Whether it was fishing, going out to eat, the bars, camping, etc. I didn't mind, nor did I see anything wrong with it, as I was "with the boys". Some of them would even show up at 6AM drunk as hell and still run 5 miles like it wasn't anything hard.
About 3 years in, I realized I started drinking (mainly while on the internet, like the other thread stated) out of boredom. I still managed to stay in very good shape, but continued to drink heavily at least 4-5 times a week.
When I got out 2 months ago, I sort of lost it. I think over the course of 3 weeks, I drank 6 handles of Jack Daniels. Coping with the loss of my friends, plus PTSD in a whole new world sort of made me lose it for a bit.
Two weeks ago, I kind of came to the conclusion that this would destroy me in college (chemical engineering in January), it was costly and was doing a lot of stupid things while under the influence.
I've been sober for 2 weeks now, with the exception of 2 parties. However, I did a test and managed to only have 2 beers a piece at each party, acting as the DD. No shakes or seizures of any kind (so far). I do still feel the cravings like an alcoholic (I know I am one) but I have managed to control myself from going to the store. Discipline? I don't know.
I don't know whether to stop completely or just try to continue to go back into the world of moderation. I feel helpless and empowered at the same time. I feel like I can control it but I don't want to go back to the same old totally drunken self.
Any thoughts?
I never used to drink in high school and got introduced to it while in the military. Slowly but steadily, I noticed that all of our off-time revolved around drinking. Whether it was fishing, going out to eat, the bars, camping, etc. I didn't mind, nor did I see anything wrong with it, as I was "with the boys". Some of them would even show up at 6AM drunk as hell and still run 5 miles like it wasn't anything hard.
About 3 years in, I realized I started drinking (mainly while on the internet, like the other thread stated) out of boredom. I still managed to stay in very good shape, but continued to drink heavily at least 4-5 times a week.
When I got out 2 months ago, I sort of lost it. I think over the course of 3 weeks, I drank 6 handles of Jack Daniels. Coping with the loss of my friends, plus PTSD in a whole new world sort of made me lose it for a bit.
Two weeks ago, I kind of came to the conclusion that this would destroy me in college (chemical engineering in January), it was costly and was doing a lot of stupid things while under the influence.
I've been sober for 2 weeks now, with the exception of 2 parties. However, I did a test and managed to only have 2 beers a piece at each party, acting as the DD. No shakes or seizures of any kind (so far). I do still feel the cravings like an alcoholic (I know I am one) but I have managed to control myself from going to the store. Discipline? I don't know.
I don't know whether to stop completely or just try to continue to go back into the world of moderation. I feel helpless and empowered at the same time. I feel like I can control it but I don't want to go back to the same old totally drunken self.
Any thoughts?
First Post: My story (1 pint in 2 sips, any suggestions)
Hello everybody,
I am extremely glad to have stumbled upon this site and have navigated and lurked on the site for about a week now.
I am 30 years old, live in Oklahoma and have been an addict/alcoholic since i can remember (maybe 12 years)
I'm single, have a 6 year old daughter(who lives with her mom) and ALWAYS need to be altered. I cannot remember the last time I got through a day without having something to curb my soberness.
I can drink a pint of vodka or whiskey in 2 sips (Could probably down it one if I really wanted to) and do this on a regular basis. When people watch me drink from the bottle they're usually in shock and I often get embarrassed because my problem is so evident. So I often times make up excuses like "I haven't done that in years" when in fact I do it on a regular basis.
Whether it's during lunch, when I'm on a job, right before a job interview, going grocery shopping, or just surfing the internet, I like to have at least a pint in my system.
If it's not hard liquor, it's wine and alot of it.
I can go days at a time and feel I can control it, but all it takes is one moment of boredom and I'm pulling up to the liquor store again. I cant even make it home from the liquor store without cracking the bottle, so I take the back route where the cops seldom go.
5 out of 7 times I drink I wake up the next morning in bed not remembering the last part of the night.
My biggest problem is that once I'm hammered, I like to go out and socialize.........so as you can guess I'm often traveling the streets at night driving my car when most people wouldnt be able to walk.
I'm currently 6 days sober.
Thank you for listening.
I am extremely glad to have stumbled upon this site and have navigated and lurked on the site for about a week now.
I am 30 years old, live in Oklahoma and have been an addict/alcoholic since i can remember (maybe 12 years)
I'm single, have a 6 year old daughter(who lives with her mom) and ALWAYS need to be altered. I cannot remember the last time I got through a day without having something to curb my soberness.
I can drink a pint of vodka or whiskey in 2 sips (Could probably down it one if I really wanted to) and do this on a regular basis. When people watch me drink from the bottle they're usually in shock and I often get embarrassed because my problem is so evident. So I often times make up excuses like "I haven't done that in years" when in fact I do it on a regular basis.
Whether it's during lunch, when I'm on a job, right before a job interview, going grocery shopping, or just surfing the internet, I like to have at least a pint in my system.
If it's not hard liquor, it's wine and alot of it.
I can go days at a time and feel I can control it, but all it takes is one moment of boredom and I'm pulling up to the liquor store again. I cant even make it home from the liquor store without cracking the bottle, so I take the back route where the cops seldom go.
5 out of 7 times I drink I wake up the next morning in bed not remembering the last part of the night.
My biggest problem is that once I'm hammered, I like to go out and socialize.........so as you can guess I'm often traveling the streets at night driving my car when most people wouldnt be able to walk.
I'm currently 6 days sober.
Thank you for listening.
We are not a glum lot
Quote:
|
We have shown how we got out from under. You say: "Yes, I'm willing. But am I to be consigned to a life where I shall be stupid, boring and glum, like some righteous people I see? I know I must get along without liquor, but how can I? Have you a sufficient substitute?" Yes, there is a substitute, and it is vastly more than that. It is a Fellowship in Alcoholics Anonymous. There you will find release from care, boredom, and worry. Your imagination will be fired. Life will mean something at last. The most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead. Thus we find The Fellowship, and so will you. "How is that to come about?" you ask. "Where am I to find these people?" You are going ot meet these new friends in your own community. Near you alcoholics are dying helplessly like people in a sinking ship. If you live in a large place, there are hundreds. High and low, rich and poor, these are future Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. Among them you will make lifelong friends. You will be bound to them with new and wonderful ties, for you will escape disaster together and you will commence shoulder to shoulder your common yourney. Then you will know what it means to give of yourself, that others may survive and rediscover life. You will learn the full meaning of "Love thy neighbor as thyself." Big Book chapter A Vision For You) |
Learning to give of ourselves fills the hole in our spirit caused by our former slothful indifference to our responsibilites and to the welfare of others. The incalculable benefits of self-sacrifice replace the baleful results of selfishness. To awaken spiritually and find fellowship with others united in a great purpose gives us a satisfaction and sense of fulfillment we never dreamed possible.
Is it possible to go back?
This is probably the wrong place to post this- if it is I am sorry.
All replys are welcome, and I'll state up front that a debate is NOT my intention.
I was sober since Sept 21, and I started to drink again this past weekend. Now I'm on a 3 day bender. I'm not sure why- probably boredom, frustration, most likely it's because I'm a drunk.
I've attended AA in the past. I've read the Big Book, and I can identify with some of it. Not all of it. I've also read "Beyond the Influence" and "Above the Influence", and I realize that I do have a disease, despite what I may have said in previous posts.
I need some help. I can't believe everything that I've read in the BB, and I know that I can't keep drinking. Does anyone have any suggestions for someone like me who thinks that a higher power is not a "He" or a "Him"?
Thanks in advance;
BHJ
edit-
I mean can I go back to AA? Will I be accepted even though I don't subscribe to some of the tenets?
All replys are welcome, and I'll state up front that a debate is NOT my intention.
I was sober since Sept 21, and I started to drink again this past weekend. Now I'm on a 3 day bender. I'm not sure why- probably boredom, frustration, most likely it's because I'm a drunk.
I've attended AA in the past. I've read the Big Book, and I can identify with some of it. Not all of it. I've also read "Beyond the Influence" and "Above the Influence", and I realize that I do have a disease, despite what I may have said in previous posts.
I need some help. I can't believe everything that I've read in the BB, and I know that I can't keep drinking. Does anyone have any suggestions for someone like me who thinks that a higher power is not a "He" or a "Him"?
Thanks in advance;
BHJ
edit-
I mean can I go back to AA? Will I be accepted even though I don't subscribe to some of the tenets?
were you scared too?
Were you scared of sobriety because I am...
Were you scared of admitting you had a problem?
Were you scared of the withdrawal?
Were you scared of the depression?
Were you scared of sleepless nights?
Were you scared of minutes that feel like hours? Hours that feel like days?
Were you scared of failing? succeeding?
Were you scared of boredom or becoming a boring person?
Were you afraid of losing people?
Were you afraid of the outside world because temptation is everywhere?
Were you afraid of never finding the "real" you?
Were you afraid of the "real" you?
Were you afraid of the thought of never drinking again?
Were you scared of people not believing in you? Not supporting you?
Were you afraid of ridding one addiction only to find another?
Were you afraid of life?
Were you afraid of being happy?
Were you scared of admitting you had a problem?
Were you scared of the withdrawal?
Were you scared of the depression?
Were you scared of sleepless nights?
Were you scared of minutes that feel like hours? Hours that feel like days?
Were you scared of failing? succeeding?
Were you scared of boredom or becoming a boring person?
Were you afraid of losing people?
Were you afraid of the outside world because temptation is everywhere?
Were you afraid of never finding the "real" you?
Were you afraid of the "real" you?
Were you afraid of the thought of never drinking again?
Were you scared of people not believing in you? Not supporting you?
Were you afraid of ridding one addiction only to find another?
Were you afraid of life?
Were you afraid of being happy?
Okay I think its time…
Hi everyone. I'm new to the forum. I have made the decision to stop drinking... I know its not going to be easy but it has to be done.
First, a little background on me. I'm 24 years old, I've been drinking since I was 17 - heavily off and on since I got my own place when I turned 20 - I was doing massive amounts of psychedelics (mostly unconventional stuff - research chemicals, cough syrup and the like with some acid and mushrooms mixed in), ecstasy... you get the idea.
I have stopped everything but the occasional ecstasy (once a month or two at the most) and drinking... which has ballooned out of control.
I'm on 2mg a day of Xanax for panic disorder which complicates things. 1mg is a single 1mg XR tablet, then a .5mg standard release mid-late day and another .5 before bed.
I didn't realize just how bad my drinking has become until about a week ago when I realized that in 30 days I spent almost 400 dollars on alcohol - mostly beer (and some food admittedly) at the local bar... Generally I'd spend about 20 bucks a night and more if I ordered food for the mega size, which I believe is like 32 ounces or something. I have no idea how I let it get so out of control. Boredom maybe. Most likely stress at work (I work in a call center sales department and its extremely stressful). Who knows? Whatever the reason, I've gotten out of control.
Here's what happened today. I haven't drank since Tuesday and both Monday and Tuesday I consumed about a third of what I normally would consume when I drink. I felt like crap yesterday (Wednesday since I haven't gone to bed yet) and was really anxious and just felt nasty. Got off work and was driving down I-70 and was so close to going back to the bar... Came home and tried to chill out. I was so anxious, had a funny taste in my mouth, started chain-smoking like crazy... Ended up popping a Xanax to mellow out and then another one before bed. So fast forward to today. First thing in the morning, I was anxious as hell. I took my XR on the way to work when I normally wait til about 2 hours after I get there... that wasn't enough so I took another .5mg regular. Got to work and proceeded to hit full on panic mode for about 15 minutes.
I finally got ahold of myself enough to walk to my desk and log in to the phone and eventually the Xanax calmed me down to normal levels and I even got a bit sleepy.
Here's where things got really weird though. I went to bathroom before lunch and I felt like the floor was moving and got dizzy. I've never had vertigo before but it felt like the floor was moving right underneath me... I went into the cafeteria and sat down thinking "what the hell is going on" and it just kept getting worse... I took another Xanax and I made it through the day.
After lunch was over, I started talking to a coworker about her alcohol addiction and detox and realized that I am most likely a borderline if not full-on alcoholic. I started doing research online and found out that the symptoms I was experiencing are common with moderate alcohol abuse.
The thing is... it says that for situations like mine, they'll basically just give me benzodiazepines anyway.
I had bloodwork done recently and there is nothing even so much as hinting that I've royally messed myself up.
Is there really a need for me to go through a detox? Its already been two days.
My big thing is that
a) I don't have the sick time at work to do a detox and I can't afford to get in trouble
b) Taking my Xanax seems to mitigate the symptoms
c) I don't have the money to pay for a full detox program.
I am fairly sure that I can make it through this on my own but I want opinions from people who've done it. I've kicked addictions that were pretty severe in the past without paying the extremely negative consequences (I kicked caffeine, ephedrine, and a number of psychedelic research chemicals all at the same time) and overall, I've got a very strong body - my doctor couldn't find a single thing to fuss at me about when he did my physical and my family medical history is insanely horrible - its the mind that's the problem.
I'm honestly starting to think that my panic disorder IS my drinking... I always thought it was my smoking... but I think the smoking just exacerbates the problem while the drinking is the underlying fuel to the fire.
Any help is appreciated. And sorry for such a long-winded post. I am just new to this territory.
By the way, I went and bought a time release B100 supplement today. I was feeling pretty crappy and took one and it calmed me down quite a bit within 15-20 minutes so I think I'll take one of those each night too.
Thanks for all your help,
Robert
First, a little background on me. I'm 24 years old, I've been drinking since I was 17 - heavily off and on since I got my own place when I turned 20 - I was doing massive amounts of psychedelics (mostly unconventional stuff - research chemicals, cough syrup and the like with some acid and mushrooms mixed in), ecstasy... you get the idea.
I have stopped everything but the occasional ecstasy (once a month or two at the most) and drinking... which has ballooned out of control.
I'm on 2mg a day of Xanax for panic disorder which complicates things. 1mg is a single 1mg XR tablet, then a .5mg standard release mid-late day and another .5 before bed.
I didn't realize just how bad my drinking has become until about a week ago when I realized that in 30 days I spent almost 400 dollars on alcohol - mostly beer (and some food admittedly) at the local bar... Generally I'd spend about 20 bucks a night and more if I ordered food for the mega size, which I believe is like 32 ounces or something. I have no idea how I let it get so out of control. Boredom maybe. Most likely stress at work (I work in a call center sales department and its extremely stressful). Who knows? Whatever the reason, I've gotten out of control.
Here's what happened today. I haven't drank since Tuesday and both Monday and Tuesday I consumed about a third of what I normally would consume when I drink. I felt like crap yesterday (Wednesday since I haven't gone to bed yet) and was really anxious and just felt nasty. Got off work and was driving down I-70 and was so close to going back to the bar... Came home and tried to chill out. I was so anxious, had a funny taste in my mouth, started chain-smoking like crazy... Ended up popping a Xanax to mellow out and then another one before bed. So fast forward to today. First thing in the morning, I was anxious as hell. I took my XR on the way to work when I normally wait til about 2 hours after I get there... that wasn't enough so I took another .5mg regular. Got to work and proceeded to hit full on panic mode for about 15 minutes.
I finally got ahold of myself enough to walk to my desk and log in to the phone and eventually the Xanax calmed me down to normal levels and I even got a bit sleepy.
Here's where things got really weird though. I went to bathroom before lunch and I felt like the floor was moving and got dizzy. I've never had vertigo before but it felt like the floor was moving right underneath me... I went into the cafeteria and sat down thinking "what the hell is going on" and it just kept getting worse... I took another Xanax and I made it through the day.
After lunch was over, I started talking to a coworker about her alcohol addiction and detox and realized that I am most likely a borderline if not full-on alcoholic. I started doing research online and found out that the symptoms I was experiencing are common with moderate alcohol abuse.
The thing is... it says that for situations like mine, they'll basically just give me benzodiazepines anyway.
I had bloodwork done recently and there is nothing even so much as hinting that I've royally messed myself up.
Is there really a need for me to go through a detox? Its already been two days.
My big thing is that
a) I don't have the sick time at work to do a detox and I can't afford to get in trouble
b) Taking my Xanax seems to mitigate the symptoms
c) I don't have the money to pay for a full detox program.
I am fairly sure that I can make it through this on my own but I want opinions from people who've done it. I've kicked addictions that were pretty severe in the past without paying the extremely negative consequences (I kicked caffeine, ephedrine, and a number of psychedelic research chemicals all at the same time) and overall, I've got a very strong body - my doctor couldn't find a single thing to fuss at me about when he did my physical and my family medical history is insanely horrible - its the mind that's the problem.
I'm honestly starting to think that my panic disorder IS my drinking... I always thought it was my smoking... but I think the smoking just exacerbates the problem while the drinking is the underlying fuel to the fire.
Any help is appreciated. And sorry for such a long-winded post. I am just new to this territory.
By the way, I went and bought a time release B100 supplement today. I was feeling pretty crappy and took one and it calmed me down quite a bit within 15-20 minutes so I think I'll take one of those each night too.
Thanks for all your help,
Robert
Day 8: Battling the boredom and changing patterns
Made it through the first week of sobriety and celebrated with a nice cone of gelato last night. Those that have been through withdrawal know that sugar cravings come with it and it was a satisfying treat.
Boredom can be the enemy of a problem drinker. I find myself having to find different things to do to replace my trips to the bar, or sitting down and having beers. It is a new challenge but one that I am willingly embracing.
All the struggles of the past week; the mood swings, the bad dreams, the annoying eye twitches, will hopefully subside to a more tolerable level.
For all those out there struggling, be strong. We are in this together.
Boredom can be the enemy of a problem drinker. I find myself having to find different things to do to replace my trips to the bar, or sitting down and having beers. It is a new challenge but one that I am willingly embracing.
All the struggles of the past week; the mood swings, the bad dreams, the annoying eye twitches, will hopefully subside to a more tolerable level.
For all those out there struggling, be strong. We are in this together.
DAFT - and how I beat my Saturday night
I'M DAFT!
i had asked how to handle weekend nights late cant sleep in the SATURDAY NIGHT thread
How Do I Fight Saturday Night Boredom
to answer my own question, at least for tonight, I took a simply sleep (benadryl) (not that you should always do that)
im gonna cuddle up and watch SNL, and warm milk, and if im still not drowsy after that ill just watch the Science channel. I love the show HOW ITS MADE but its not intense enough to keep me amped.
I love the feeling of waking up, in the morning (usually cause i have to pee or something loud outside) and the TV is still on and its a new day and its ONE MORE DAY that I didnt drink. and I write it on my calendar. Its something i read somewhere else, a moderation website, i write
DAFT. it means Delightfully Alcohol Free Today, and i think its a much less intimidating phrase than SOBER. thats so dramatic!! and it sounds hard!
so if youve never heard that term, use it! Its so much better to decide to be DAFT then try to be SOBER
Reading all your posts and ideas/tips helps too! Knowing that Im not alone is great. thanks!:You_Rock_
DAFT,
BJ
i had asked how to handle weekend nights late cant sleep in the SATURDAY NIGHT thread
How Do I Fight Saturday Night Boredom
to answer my own question, at least for tonight, I took a simply sleep (benadryl) (not that you should always do that)
im gonna cuddle up and watch SNL, and warm milk, and if im still not drowsy after that ill just watch the Science channel. I love the show HOW ITS MADE but its not intense enough to keep me amped.
I love the feeling of waking up, in the morning (usually cause i have to pee or something loud outside) and the TV is still on and its a new day and its ONE MORE DAY that I didnt drink. and I write it on my calendar. Its something i read somewhere else, a moderation website, i write
DAFT. it means Delightfully Alcohol Free Today, and i think its a much less intimidating phrase than SOBER. thats so dramatic!! and it sounds hard!
so if youve never heard that term, use it! Its so much better to decide to be DAFT then try to be SOBER
Reading all your posts and ideas/tips helps too! Knowing that Im not alone is great. thanks!:You_Rock_
DAFT,
BJ
Shivering Denizens of a Mad Realm
"For most normal folks, drinking means conviviality, companionship and colorful imagination. It means release from care, boredom and worry. It is joyous intimacy with friends and a feeling that life is good. But not so with us in those last days of heavy drinking. The old pleasures were gone. They were but memories. Never could we recapture the great moments of the past. There was an insistent yearning to enjoy life as we once did and a heartbreaking obsession that some new miracle of control would enable us to do it.note There was always one more attempt - and one more failure."
"The less people tolerated us, the more we withdrew from society, from life itself. As we became subjects of King Alcohol, shivering denizens of his mad realm, the chilling vapor that is loneliness settled down. It thickened, ever becoming blacker. Some of us sought out sordid places, hoping to find understanding companionship and approval. Momentarily we did - then would come oblivion and the awful awakening to face the hideous Four Horsemen - Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, Despair. Unhappy drinkers who read this page will understand!"
"The less people tolerated us, the more we withdrew from society, from life itself. As we became subjects of King Alcohol, shivering denizens of his mad realm, the chilling vapor that is loneliness settled down. It thickened, ever becoming blacker. Some of us sought out sordid places, hoping to find understanding companionship and approval. Momentarily we did - then would come oblivion and the awful awakening to face the hideous Four Horsemen - Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, Despair. Unhappy drinkers who read this page will understand!"
