Archive for the ‘Bottle Of Wine’ tag
Just got home from detox…
I just got home from a medical detox and am craving already. Before I went in I was taking 300 mg day of oxycodone/oxycontin mix and drinking heavily on top of it, with the occassional hit off a joint. I am now on Suboxone but came home to my reality and am jonesing for anything -a beer a joint whatever. I do have a couple of xanax but holidng off for when I REALLY need them. The really good bottle of wine I am saving for a bday present for a friend is looking really good too. I won't drink it but I can't get it out of the house right now either.
Essentially I am alone, exhausted, scared and pissed off. All of the things that I am supposed to do to distract myself remind me of using. Evenbasic things like housecleaning. I always used to give myself energy. How do Iget around this?
For the record I am NOT a beleiver or fan of NA/AA, but I do plan to go to a meeting if I have to- just to fill my time. However I don't see this as my solution. I need other answers. I am aware of my natural insticnt to self sabatoge but am also aware of my limitations.
I started to write a book here about my story - but the story can come later. This is my second go around with this so I have a basic understanding - but realized I just need some comfort at the moment. PLEASE REMIND ME why I am doing this!!
My intent is to find tools and support - I hope to use this board and/or others to help me.
Thank you.
Essentially I am alone, exhausted, scared and pissed off. All of the things that I am supposed to do to distract myself remind me of using. Evenbasic things like housecleaning. I always used to give myself energy. How do Iget around this?
For the record I am NOT a beleiver or fan of NA/AA, but I do plan to go to a meeting if I have to- just to fill my time. However I don't see this as my solution. I need other answers. I am aware of my natural insticnt to self sabatoge but am also aware of my limitations.
I started to write a book here about my story - but the story can come later. This is my second go around with this so I have a basic understanding - but realized I just need some comfort at the moment. PLEASE REMIND ME why I am doing this!!
My intent is to find tools and support - I hope to use this board and/or others to help me.
Thank you.
Newcomer
Hello,
I am not sure if I just perpetually abuse alcohol or am an alcoholic, either way I want to stop.
I think it is linked to stress, I get stressed I drink, mind you sometimes I feel good so I drink, or tied so I drink.
I have done so many silly things while drunk. Is it the drink or just my stupidity released by the drink? It came close to ending my marriage eighteen months ago, and I got in fight over nothing a couple of days ago that could have ended my career.
Whatever, even after a bottle of wine I still want more and usually add another bottle of wine or some spirits.
I have stopped for 2 days, part of me still wants a drink and I have lost my appetite for food but no shakes.
I stopped for six months last year but started Sept again, this time!
Thanks for listening.
Thanks,
Rob
I am not sure if I just perpetually abuse alcohol or am an alcoholic, either way I want to stop.
I think it is linked to stress, I get stressed I drink, mind you sometimes I feel good so I drink, or tied so I drink.
I have done so many silly things while drunk. Is it the drink or just my stupidity released by the drink? It came close to ending my marriage eighteen months ago, and I got in fight over nothing a couple of days ago that could have ended my career.
Whatever, even after a bottle of wine I still want more and usually add another bottle of wine or some spirits.
I have stopped for 2 days, part of me still wants a drink and I have lost my appetite for food but no shakes.
I stopped for six months last year but started Sept again, this time!
Thanks for listening.
Thanks,
Rob
Checking In - Newly Sober
Reading the post by Kind Bird, I wanted to sort of check in. I'm new to the board and to recovery. I was a solitary, nightly wine drinker from 2005 when my mom died unexpectedly until Nov 22, 2008. I started after work while I got dinner ready. Continued until I passed out.
Last month I made a special recipe and the next am had NO idea how it came out. No memory of eating any of it. It literally scared the alcohol out of me.
There were other hints that it was time to quit - I was up to almost a bottle and a half at night, and urges to drink were coming earlier and earlier. I found myself watching the clock waiting for 5:00.
I only did cocaine once - it was in the 1980s. All of my thoughts were on getting my next fix, that next line, which was so un-enjoyable I never did it or any drug again. Wine was starting to be like that for me.
Whether or not I would drink started taking up tons of energy. All morning making mental lists of why I should not drink, and thinking about what I would say if I did go to an AA meeting.
In the afternoon everything changed, and I spent my time thinking about how to get the $ for my wine, making sure I have enough ect. Never mind discouraging friends/family from coming over so I could get drunk by myself, or making sure to sneak a glass of wine before going out to friends homes/restaurants; as well as making sure there was enough at home to sneak another glass when we got home. UGH.
Nothing about this struck me as wrong or odd - which I am horrified at now. I was pretty deep in that bottle.
Most nights I go out. I am at the gym, at the mall, out for decaf tea with friends or even dh - a very sweet gesture from a man exhausted from a full days work.
I got a bottle of wine from someone at Christmas - an innocent gesture from someone who didn't know. I poured it down the sink. Part of doing that was hard. Part of me was so angry at that wine (which yes, means I am angry at myself - that alcholic part of myself) and just wanted to chuck the bottle into the deep thicket in my back yard.
I ran cold water and soap down the drain. I threw that empty green bottle as far as I could out back (don't worry, it's a large, overgrown area - no ppl - out there!).
I physically and emotionally feel GREAT, though every day is EASIER, nights can be still be white knuckled.
Anyway - I am glad to be here.
one day at a time,
Kels
Last month I made a special recipe and the next am had NO idea how it came out. No memory of eating any of it. It literally scared the alcohol out of me.
There were other hints that it was time to quit - I was up to almost a bottle and a half at night, and urges to drink were coming earlier and earlier. I found myself watching the clock waiting for 5:00.
I only did cocaine once - it was in the 1980s. All of my thoughts were on getting my next fix, that next line, which was so un-enjoyable I never did it or any drug again. Wine was starting to be like that for me.
Whether or not I would drink started taking up tons of energy. All morning making mental lists of why I should not drink, and thinking about what I would say if I did go to an AA meeting.
In the afternoon everything changed, and I spent my time thinking about how to get the $ for my wine, making sure I have enough ect. Never mind discouraging friends/family from coming over so I could get drunk by myself, or making sure to sneak a glass of wine before going out to friends homes/restaurants; as well as making sure there was enough at home to sneak another glass when we got home. UGH.
Nothing about this struck me as wrong or odd - which I am horrified at now. I was pretty deep in that bottle.
Most nights I go out. I am at the gym, at the mall, out for decaf tea with friends or even dh - a very sweet gesture from a man exhausted from a full days work.
I got a bottle of wine from someone at Christmas - an innocent gesture from someone who didn't know. I poured it down the sink. Part of doing that was hard. Part of me was so angry at that wine (which yes, means I am angry at myself - that alcholic part of myself) and just wanted to chuck the bottle into the deep thicket in my back yard.
I ran cold water and soap down the drain. I threw that empty green bottle as far as I could out back (don't worry, it's a large, overgrown area - no ppl - out there!).
I physically and emotionally feel GREAT, though every day is EASIER, nights can be still be white knuckled.
Anyway - I am glad to be here.
one day at a time,
Kels
Two weeks ago I was on my second bottle…
...of wine that night, by this time. Today, I've developed a new database schema for a web application I'm working on, completed a website customization contract, caught several hackers defacing some servers, and got to expert on several Rock Band tunes on guitar :D
Sobriety costs so much less and is so much more lucrative :Xmasrstar
Happy holidays to everyone!!
Sobriety costs so much less and is so much more lucrative :Xmasrstar
Happy holidays to everyone!!
infidelity and alcohol abuse
I would like to know from others about their experiences with infidelity.
My ex drank everyday in our 30+ marriage. (a 6 pack or two in the beginning of our marriage and the last 15 years at least a bottle of wine a night and then also a glass of schnaps or cognac)
He held, and still holds, a very good job and could put on the front of an outgoing, happy man (to the outsdie world). He was different at home. Always complaining about something. I knew he was moody, but never suspected that he had a "buddy", as he called his girlfriend.
I could deal with his behavior until I found out about the "buddy" of +20 years. I never knew about her He was such a chronic liar. He was a great actor. (My ex needed to be "on the road" often bec. of his job.)
Is infidelity something that is OK with alcoholics? I think it is a combination of bad character and alcohol.
I go to Alanon and it has helped me, but I still wonder.. did I simply marry a person without character or did the alcohol change his values?????
Thank you!
My ex drank everyday in our 30+ marriage. (a 6 pack or two in the beginning of our marriage and the last 15 years at least a bottle of wine a night and then also a glass of schnaps or cognac)
He held, and still holds, a very good job and could put on the front of an outgoing, happy man (to the outsdie world). He was different at home. Always complaining about something. I knew he was moody, but never suspected that he had a "buddy", as he called his girlfriend.
I could deal with his behavior until I found out about the "buddy" of +20 years. I never knew about her He was such a chronic liar. He was a great actor. (My ex needed to be "on the road" often bec. of his job.)
Is infidelity something that is OK with alcoholics? I think it is a combination of bad character and alcohol.
I go to Alanon and it has helped me, but I still wonder.. did I simply marry a person without character or did the alcohol change his values?????
Thank you!
Wtf!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am so F***** tired of this shyt!
She opened the bottle of wine I had bought for my cousins wifes grandmother for Christmas.
I have no money to get her another one.
We pull names for the adults for christmas and I got my cousins wife grandmother. She isnt an alcoholic but she is old italian woman who likes a nice bottle of chiante every now and then. Now I have nothing!!
Way to F***ing go grams!!!
Now I do want to get high to the moon. Good thing I dont have money.
Or I would be smoking like a friggin fiend.
I am not even going to lie.
We got a guy trying to fix our hot water heater that broke and half the house is flooded. The kids got a mess and a half everywhere getting the guys way.
I am trying my best to keep it together but its fading fast.
WTF do I have to do to get some friggin relief here!!!
I am done..I have F***ing had it!!!
She opened the bottle of wine I had bought for my cousins wifes grandmother for Christmas.
I have no money to get her another one.
We pull names for the adults for christmas and I got my cousins wife grandmother. She isnt an alcoholic but she is old italian woman who likes a nice bottle of chiante every now and then. Now I have nothing!!
Way to F***ing go grams!!!
Now I do want to get high to the moon. Good thing I dont have money.
Or I would be smoking like a friggin fiend.
I am not even going to lie.
We got a guy trying to fix our hot water heater that broke and half the house is flooded. The kids got a mess and a half everywhere getting the guys way.
I am trying my best to keep it together but its fading fast.
WTF do I have to do to get some friggin relief here!!!
I am done..I have F***ing had it!!!
I really need help right now. Long
You all know I am pretty open with my shares. Maybe sometimes too open.
And I have no problems putting myself out there wide open. Thats how I get the support I need when I am being a screw up.
But I have posted before about my grams. Which I donlike to do but I do sometimes because it affects me alot.
And I am far from anyone to be complaining about someone elses disease.
But I am hurting so bad right now. I am fighting back tears because I dont knw how to handle this. I am having flash backs of when I grew up with her and my gramps drinking.
I hate to put her out there like that because she has always protected me in my addiction. Never betrayed my trust. But today I cant deal.
First let me say...Even tho I havent told you guys here. I have used the frit 2 weeks of this month. Nothing drastic. Just one trip one time on two of my paydays the first 2 weeks of this month. Why? I guess its the pattern of this month as it has been for years. And it by no means is justifyable in any way. So I dont even feel right even coming here with this. But I am so hurt right now. As I am sure she has been my whole life watching me destroy myself.
I woke up this morning and she was already plastered. She has been drinking since yesterday afternoon. I wasnt heerall night so I didnt have to see it.
I simply said..You drinking already? And she blew a fuse. And you know how when somempeople drink..They start ranting about things. Noone cares about her. Everyone takes her money..they use her and blah blah blah. The same shyt she always goes off about when she drinks. ow she doesnt drink often. But when she does she binges.
She has gone through a gallon and 4 splits of red wine since yesterday afternoon. Ad almost broke open a bottle of wine I bought for my cousins wifes grandmother for christmas.
She took my keys and thought she was going to take my lil cousin shopping today. And when I told her absolutley not she got irrate. Saying she was going to take a nap and she woud have been fine. You kids think you can run my life. I gave up everything for you kids. ALl you kids do is use me. And then we started into the where were you a couple weeks ago. Wheres the money you owe me. You betetr find another place to live.
And I am not goin gto lie..I lost it at first and said soe pretty mean things. But then I stoped and went and hugged her and apologised and told her to just go lay down. And if she wanted me to drive her to take my lil cousin shopping I would. Thats wasnt good enough.
She was telling me that she gaeve everything up for me. But since she put me before her now she has nothing.
Nnone ever does anything for her and just all that self pity angry drunken rambling.
Some of that is true. But it cut me like a knife.
I deserve what she said to me. Because I am no where any better in what I do.
But When she got mad about wantigng to drive my van with my cousin..Thats where I have to stand my ground. I would never ever get high around my baby cousins and definately wouldnt try drivivng with them in the car.
This is not her. She knows better.
And I dont want to make her out to be a bad person. Because she isnt. And she would never hrut any of us. Those babies are her life right now. But her judgement is not right at the moment.
I know she has alot of built up issues that she never voices becasue thats just her. But when she drinks..She lets it all out and says it ways I know she doesnt mean.
I tried closing my door. She is still running her mouth out there.
Then she comes in my room and just wont stop.
I dont want to be mean. But how do I get her to just stop!!!
Well..I guess she went to lay down.
I guess this is how it feels to watch me do this to myself.
I ahte seeing her liek that. But she gets so mean when she drinks. Always has. But when she doesnt drink. She is the sweestest..kindest..gentlest..most tolerant person in the world.
I hate she feels like she does. And it only comes out when shes drinking.
Does she really feel like that. But never syas anythign until alcohol gives her the courage? Or is it just the alcohol making her say things she doesnt mean?
I struggle with being patient with her. AN dI did lose my cool at first. But quickly stopped and just let her run her mouth and hugged her and told her I am sorry I am screw up and we do care about her. But she just keeps going on and on.
She has never once lost her cool with me in my lowest. And I feel bad I didnt do the same at first.
It hurts so much to see her like that.
And it hurts even more that even though I did slip 2 times recently. But I am trying my very best.
I coudnt even buy her a xmas card because I am so far behind on my bills and those 2 screw ups didnt help any. I had o tell my uncle she was drinking because she was suppose to pick up my couisn fron the school bus stop. I hate I had to out her. But I cant let that kid be here right now. And definately cant let her try and drive with him like that.
She knows better. I know it is the alcohol thinking.
Hopefully she sleeps it off and thats it.
I havent been the best person lately. I have had really short tolerance levels. And I dont treat her like I should.
Maybe I have no business even posing this.
I just hurt seeing her liek that and knowing alot of it is because of me.
Maybe I do need to just go move somewhere else and she wouldnt have a piece of shyt like me to deal with.
And I have no problems putting myself out there wide open. Thats how I get the support I need when I am being a screw up.
But I have posted before about my grams. Which I donlike to do but I do sometimes because it affects me alot.
And I am far from anyone to be complaining about someone elses disease.
But I am hurting so bad right now. I am fighting back tears because I dont knw how to handle this. I am having flash backs of when I grew up with her and my gramps drinking.
I hate to put her out there like that because she has always protected me in my addiction. Never betrayed my trust. But today I cant deal.
First let me say...Even tho I havent told you guys here. I have used the frit 2 weeks of this month. Nothing drastic. Just one trip one time on two of my paydays the first 2 weeks of this month. Why? I guess its the pattern of this month as it has been for years. And it by no means is justifyable in any way. So I dont even feel right even coming here with this. But I am so hurt right now. As I am sure she has been my whole life watching me destroy myself.
I woke up this morning and she was already plastered. She has been drinking since yesterday afternoon. I wasnt heerall night so I didnt have to see it.
I simply said..You drinking already? And she blew a fuse. And you know how when somempeople drink..They start ranting about things. Noone cares about her. Everyone takes her money..they use her and blah blah blah. The same shyt she always goes off about when she drinks. ow she doesnt drink often. But when she does she binges.
She has gone through a gallon and 4 splits of red wine since yesterday afternoon. Ad almost broke open a bottle of wine I bought for my cousins wifes grandmother for christmas.
She took my keys and thought she was going to take my lil cousin shopping today. And when I told her absolutley not she got irrate. Saying she was going to take a nap and she woud have been fine. You kids think you can run my life. I gave up everything for you kids. ALl you kids do is use me. And then we started into the where were you a couple weeks ago. Wheres the money you owe me. You betetr find another place to live.
And I am not goin gto lie..I lost it at first and said soe pretty mean things. But then I stoped and went and hugged her and apologised and told her to just go lay down. And if she wanted me to drive her to take my lil cousin shopping I would. Thats wasnt good enough.
She was telling me that she gaeve everything up for me. But since she put me before her now she has nothing.
Nnone ever does anything for her and just all that self pity angry drunken rambling.
Some of that is true. But it cut me like a knife.
I deserve what she said to me. Because I am no where any better in what I do.
But When she got mad about wantigng to drive my van with my cousin..Thats where I have to stand my ground. I would never ever get high around my baby cousins and definately wouldnt try drivivng with them in the car.
This is not her. She knows better.
And I dont want to make her out to be a bad person. Because she isnt. And she would never hrut any of us. Those babies are her life right now. But her judgement is not right at the moment.
I know she has alot of built up issues that she never voices becasue thats just her. But when she drinks..She lets it all out and says it ways I know she doesnt mean.
I tried closing my door. She is still running her mouth out there.
Then she comes in my room and just wont stop.
I dont want to be mean. But how do I get her to just stop!!!
Well..I guess she went to lay down.
I guess this is how it feels to watch me do this to myself.
I ahte seeing her liek that. But she gets so mean when she drinks. Always has. But when she doesnt drink. She is the sweestest..kindest..gentlest..most tolerant person in the world.
I hate she feels like she does. And it only comes out when shes drinking.
Does she really feel like that. But never syas anythign until alcohol gives her the courage? Or is it just the alcohol making her say things she doesnt mean?
I struggle with being patient with her. AN dI did lose my cool at first. But quickly stopped and just let her run her mouth and hugged her and told her I am sorry I am screw up and we do care about her. But she just keeps going on and on.
She has never once lost her cool with me in my lowest. And I feel bad I didnt do the same at first.
It hurts so much to see her like that.
And it hurts even more that even though I did slip 2 times recently. But I am trying my very best.
I coudnt even buy her a xmas card because I am so far behind on my bills and those 2 screw ups didnt help any. I had o tell my uncle she was drinking because she was suppose to pick up my couisn fron the school bus stop. I hate I had to out her. But I cant let that kid be here right now. And definately cant let her try and drive with him like that.
She knows better. I know it is the alcohol thinking.
Hopefully she sleeps it off and thats it.
I havent been the best person lately. I have had really short tolerance levels. And I dont treat her like I should.
Maybe I have no business even posing this.
I just hurt seeing her liek that and knowing alot of it is because of me.
Maybe I do need to just go move somewhere else and she wouldnt have a piece of shyt like me to deal with.
First time release - scared, worried, sad; liver ache, loss of appetite, no insurance
Hello all.
This is my first post here. I discovered sober recovery last night while in the grips of some pretty scary thoughts and feelings. I'm not sure how to start. I need some advice ASAP. I know you aren't necessarily doctors but I need some quick advice.
Yesterday and last night and some this morning I had general aching in the area of my liver. I did a good amount of research and I came to the conclusion it is from an enlarged liver as a result of about 5 years drinking. I am 22 years old, and I am in a transition between health coverage. At this moment, I am uninsured. I am at college. I generally drank numerous times a week - and for a long time I have known it isn't healthy but I did it anyway. I have a family history of alcoholism (my mother's father was an alcoholic). I drank alone sometimes but mostly was a very social drinker - we all had grand old times but I think it's taking its toll. I'd say on average I consumed about 60-80 units a week, sometimes more sometimes less the past 5 years.
A quick run down of the past few days :
Wednesday - ~ 8 units
Tuesday - ~ 8 units
Monday - ~ 4 units
Sunday - ~ 9 units
Saturday - ~ none
Friday - bottle of wine + champagne
Yesterday and last night I felt the liver pain. I became very, very scared. I have been concerned about my drinking for well over a year but it can be so cryptic sometimes - I feel fine but I know its killing me. Last night in bed I couldn't sleep because I was so scared. I have no symptoms of jaundice. I did feel what may have been a slight fever. My head didn't feel hot like a fever though, but I was cold in bed, then sweating. Around 3am those feelings subsided. This morning I could only stomach half a sandwich. I am not sure whether this is because I am so anxious and worried or whether these are symptoms in addition to the liver pain. The liver pain has subsided by now, ~ 36 hours after my last drink. I decided to quit alcohol yesterday.
My question is - should I call a doctor? I think I am going to go home to my family today. i'm not sure whether to tell them or not. My mom would be devastated. I am thinking it is best to secure health insurance before panicking and going to the doctor. I understand the urgency but its thousands upon thousands of dollars uninsured. I feel as though with this news, and the terrifying things I have read the past 18 hours, I can rid myself of this without telling my parents I have a drinking problem. I should note that not long ago, about 1 month, I was at sea on a research vessel without alcohol for 5 days. I didn't feel withdrawal or a really strong urgency to drink.
Please give me advice as to how urgent you think my condition may be. As I said, no liver pain right now, no yellowing of the skin, and no alcohol for ~36 hours. I am feeling different but I think this may be due to fear and anxiety. If anyone can offer some hopeful, consoling words I would appreciate it. Thank you so much.
-Andrew
This is my first post here. I discovered sober recovery last night while in the grips of some pretty scary thoughts and feelings. I'm not sure how to start. I need some advice ASAP. I know you aren't necessarily doctors but I need some quick advice.
Yesterday and last night and some this morning I had general aching in the area of my liver. I did a good amount of research and I came to the conclusion it is from an enlarged liver as a result of about 5 years drinking. I am 22 years old, and I am in a transition between health coverage. At this moment, I am uninsured. I am at college. I generally drank numerous times a week - and for a long time I have known it isn't healthy but I did it anyway. I have a family history of alcoholism (my mother's father was an alcoholic). I drank alone sometimes but mostly was a very social drinker - we all had grand old times but I think it's taking its toll. I'd say on average I consumed about 60-80 units a week, sometimes more sometimes less the past 5 years.
A quick run down of the past few days :
Wednesday - ~ 8 units
Tuesday - ~ 8 units
Monday - ~ 4 units
Sunday - ~ 9 units
Saturday - ~ none
Friday - bottle of wine + champagne
Yesterday and last night I felt the liver pain. I became very, very scared. I have been concerned about my drinking for well over a year but it can be so cryptic sometimes - I feel fine but I know its killing me. Last night in bed I couldn't sleep because I was so scared. I have no symptoms of jaundice. I did feel what may have been a slight fever. My head didn't feel hot like a fever though, but I was cold in bed, then sweating. Around 3am those feelings subsided. This morning I could only stomach half a sandwich. I am not sure whether this is because I am so anxious and worried or whether these are symptoms in addition to the liver pain. The liver pain has subsided by now, ~ 36 hours after my last drink. I decided to quit alcohol yesterday.
My question is - should I call a doctor? I think I am going to go home to my family today. i'm not sure whether to tell them or not. My mom would be devastated. I am thinking it is best to secure health insurance before panicking and going to the doctor. I understand the urgency but its thousands upon thousands of dollars uninsured. I feel as though with this news, and the terrifying things I have read the past 18 hours, I can rid myself of this without telling my parents I have a drinking problem. I should note that not long ago, about 1 month, I was at sea on a research vessel without alcohol for 5 days. I didn't feel withdrawal or a really strong urgency to drink.
Please give me advice as to how urgent you think my condition may be. As I said, no liver pain right now, no yellowing of the skin, and no alcohol for ~36 hours. I am feeling different but I think this may be due to fear and anxiety. If anyone can offer some hopeful, consoling words I would appreciate it. Thank you so much.
-Andrew
Hello to us we pathetic addicted fools
Hi guys... I stumbled here from probably out of the void.
Im currently a 22 year old addict to heroin and any opiate i can get ahold of... for that matter any psychoactive pills seems to vanish in my wake.
I just took a six hour nap to avoid my family as I am home from college for the 'holidays'. I realized the only place left that has any real friends, promise, or relations with the opposite sex is only in my dreams.
They dont know yet i medically withdrew from that semester based off my kidney problems and instead spent the near whole time doped out of my mind.
I get opiates for my kidney, which i have contemplated suicide over as well as blasting it with a bullet to get it removed. It DOES hurt and if they cant tell whats wrong and why it hurts i wonder why i may someday be forced to make "sure" its fixed.
But i digress and look loony, Im only 22, I have a 10 month old daughter... and my life is a wreck and may get only worse.
I just nabbed a bottle of wine and tho alcohol is NOT my poison of choice it will do for now... for now...
I do know that im clean right now aside from the boos and such tonight... But if i get $120 im going to go out an score faster than you can say "merry christmas charlie brown".
I want help, I know im sick and have some serious addiction issues... But i cant admit to there being a real a caring compassionate God... I dont believe in such a higher power and that grounds me a little...(logic wont let me believe otherwise). I dont believe addicts are ever cured I just believe they manage to stay clean long periods of time... years and years even but that slip is just around the corner. Im sober today and I dont know about tomorrow...
(ps. The name is based off of a River's name in Hell as well as my birth year.)
Im currently a 22 year old addict to heroin and any opiate i can get ahold of... for that matter any psychoactive pills seems to vanish in my wake.
I just took a six hour nap to avoid my family as I am home from college for the 'holidays'. I realized the only place left that has any real friends, promise, or relations with the opposite sex is only in my dreams.
They dont know yet i medically withdrew from that semester based off my kidney problems and instead spent the near whole time doped out of my mind.
I get opiates for my kidney, which i have contemplated suicide over as well as blasting it with a bullet to get it removed. It DOES hurt and if they cant tell whats wrong and why it hurts i wonder why i may someday be forced to make "sure" its fixed.
But i digress and look loony, Im only 22, I have a 10 month old daughter... and my life is a wreck and may get only worse.
I just nabbed a bottle of wine and tho alcohol is NOT my poison of choice it will do for now... for now...
I do know that im clean right now aside from the boos and such tonight... But if i get $120 im going to go out an score faster than you can say "merry christmas charlie brown".
I want help, I know im sick and have some serious addiction issues... But i cant admit to there being a real a caring compassionate God... I dont believe in such a higher power and that grounds me a little...(logic wont let me believe otherwise). I dont believe addicts are ever cured I just believe they manage to stay clean long periods of time... years and years even but that slip is just around the corner. Im sober today and I dont know about tomorrow...
(ps. The name is based off of a River's name in Hell as well as my birth year.)
What to do with a guy who has issues but needs help?
Hi guys... I stumbled here from probably out of the void.
Im currently a 22 year old addict to heroin and any opiate i can get ahold of... for that matter any psychoactive pills seems to vanish in my wake.
I just took a six hour nap to avoid my family as I am home from college for the 'holidays'. I realized the only place left that has any real friends, promise, or relations with the opposite sex is only in my dreams.
They dont know yet i medically withdrew from that semester based off my kidney problems and instead spent the near whole time doped out of my mind.
I get opiates for my kidney, which i have contemplated suicide over as well as blasting it with a bullet to get it removed. It DOES hurt and if they cant tell whats wrong and why it hurts i wonder why i may someday be forced to make "sure" its fixed.
But i digress and look loony, Im only 22, I have a 10 month old daughter... and my life is a wreck and may get only worse.
I just nabbed a bottle of wine and tho alcohol is NOT my poison of choice it will do for now... for now...
I do know that im clean right now aside from the boos and such tonight... But if i get $120 im going to go out an score faster than you can say "merry christmas charlie brown".
I want help, I know im sick and have some serious addiction issues... But i cant admit to there being a real a caring compassionate God... I dont believe in such a higher power and that grounds me a little...(logic wont let me believe otherwise). I dont believe addicts are ever cured I just believe they manage to stay clean long periods of time... years and years even but that slip is just around the corner. Im sober today and I dont know about tomorrow... :a122:
(ps. The name is based off of a River's name in Hell as well as my birth year.)
Im currently a 22 year old addict to heroin and any opiate i can get ahold of... for that matter any psychoactive pills seems to vanish in my wake.
I just took a six hour nap to avoid my family as I am home from college for the 'holidays'. I realized the only place left that has any real friends, promise, or relations with the opposite sex is only in my dreams.
They dont know yet i medically withdrew from that semester based off my kidney problems and instead spent the near whole time doped out of my mind.
I get opiates for my kidney, which i have contemplated suicide over as well as blasting it with a bullet to get it removed. It DOES hurt and if they cant tell whats wrong and why it hurts i wonder why i may someday be forced to make "sure" its fixed.
But i digress and look loony, Im only 22, I have a 10 month old daughter... and my life is a wreck and may get only worse.
I just nabbed a bottle of wine and tho alcohol is NOT my poison of choice it will do for now... for now...
I do know that im clean right now aside from the boos and such tonight... But if i get $120 im going to go out an score faster than you can say "merry christmas charlie brown".
I want help, I know im sick and have some serious addiction issues... But i cant admit to there being a real a caring compassionate God... I dont believe in such a higher power and that grounds me a little...(logic wont let me believe otherwise). I dont believe addicts are ever cured I just believe they manage to stay clean long periods of time... years and years even but that slip is just around the corner. Im sober today and I dont know about tomorrow... :a122:
(ps. The name is based off of a River's name in Hell as well as my birth year.)
