Drug Rehab Options Blog

Hello!
Ok, where do I start? I have been married for 26 years and have 3 sons whom this is also affecting. He can be a wonderful husband, father, son, brother, friend etc. We are living on an emotional roller coaster and I am wanting to get off this ride!! I have been to many doctors, classes, support groups etc. I have been dealing with this forever!! There are so many memories (good and bad) and I am always hopeful that this too shall pass. My husband will have days of go go go and little sleep and then sleeps for days and boy look out if you wake him up! Also he really tries to crush your heart by saying such awful things and then he is as nice as pie. Just when I think things are getting better and life is going to return to normal (what I know to be normal) then poof the joy is gone. We may get a few things done around the house by him but then there are those days where the earth will fall apart around him and he would not even know it was going on. I am so unhappy, lonely, feeling ignored and I am capable of having a wonderful life and deserve it. I am a wonderful mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend, etc. I have had my faults and have and will deal with them but nothing like what my husband is going through. I really want everything to be good but as I have read and learned I can only take care of myself and of course my children which they are growing up fast and I do not want this to happen to them. I need your help and advice as to how I can get out of this without loosing everything that I have earned and is still left?

Hi all. Not sure if the correct new comers forum, but wanted to introduce myself. I am the significant other of someone in recovery from alcohol abuse. Three days in rehab and so far so good.

My parents were alcoholics, my older brother was and now sober for many years, another brother was addicted to pain medication. A lot of history and emotions to deal with. I thought I was finished with all of this as 33 years not being around any type of substance abuse and now I am knocked over by how far gone 'my guy' really is.

I am scared to death of relapse when he gets out and comes home. One day at a time!

Not what I expected for a Christmas present (he wanted to propose):Xmasistar, but instead admitted he has a problem and went into rehab! Could not ask for a better gift.

Enjoy your day everyone and sorry if I posted in the wrong newcomers forum.

I am not here for myself..may be in wrong place. My brother just died from an overdose of drugs and I need to talk to people who have been where he was

Merry Christmas to All....

It Christmas night...im alone without my ABF...relaxing with my kids...miss him but I am okay, still trying to stay detached. I folded to temptation last night and called him to ask if his mother had half a cup of flour after the door to the supermart had been locked in my face around 7:00. The call gave me the opportunity to "see if he was at home" and to "see how he was doing" and "did he miss me"...at any rate, his mom had no flour and he says "I am fine, happy"...."I miss you too..just waiting for you to stop the fussing" (fussing he defines as when I get angry about when I suspect he has been using), he still last night called me 3 times before midnight.

Getting to the point...he called and asked me and the kids to come to his mom's house Christmas day to get gifts. Since I was scheduled to go to my brother's house for Christmas breakfast, I said sure I can come say Merry Christmas for a few minutes and pick up gifts before joining my family.

Two weeks ago when he e-mailed me about what colognes I like, and I named a few of my favorites. My gift from him was a cologne that was not on my list....Dior "Addict"...He glared at me as I tried to open the box and tried to get the fragrance bottle to spray and asked me what was the matter...I said nothing...I had never heard of a fragrance called "Addict"...(pardon me to anyone in this forum who has). The fragrance was okay but I really don't like it that much. I was kind of silent and he said.."if you dont like it I can take it back and give you the cash...he said "I like it a lot".

Well, just when he was about to yell into the other room to complain to his mother that I did not really like the fragrance, I summoned the kids to get their things ready to leave for breakfast, said goodbye and thanks to his mom and his sister and kids for their gifts.

He hugged me said to me "I'm just waiting for you to come back to me and stop the fussing". I just told him...I will stop fussing and accusing when he stops using. Meanwhile he stays in a chat room all the time while I avoid him. It seems because I loathe him staying in chat rooms...his sister hand crafted a jacket with his screen name on the back of it...and he is so excitable about it when he is showing me.

He IM'd me on the computer that his mom was inviting us for dinner...I declined....(yes I wanted to but had to be strong and not go).


About the Gift: I love my Addict...but I dont love my "Addict".......I'm still wondering what motivated him to choose to give me a cologne called addict when he is an addict???? Was it an indirect message to convince me to love him..the real addict???....Its the most puzzling and funny things at this stage...lol...if this reads contradictory..it is...I love the man but not the addict.


GG

Well....the AS of my BF, who nearly died over the summer from his drinking, seems to have moved on to a new drug of choice....maybe crack? His mood swings have been quite spectacular. My BF told him that if he did hard work, he would be paid by the hour. The AS raked a few leaves and asked to be paid, and then practically ran out the door yesterday afternoon....not to be seen again while we all went to mass, and exchanged gifts.

I was sobbing during mass because it was so beautiful and peaceful, and all I could think about was the contrast of that scene to what the A was probably experiencing at that same time. I just broke down. :bigcry

The family is now even more on guard and is going to ignore the quacking at Christmas dinner tonight. Well, assuming he even shows. At least we are now (mostly) all on the same page about how to handle the A's tantrums. I'm just worried for my BF and his daughter because the A is becoming more aggressive and hateful. Thankfully, his daughter knows now to allow her brother to come by if her husband is not home.....how sad!

Well, sorry for the rant. The next few days will be, er, interesting?

Thank you for all the support, encouragement, and advice you give!!!

:Xmasmcb :han

Best,
HG

I got "the apology" tonight.

Said he was sorry for his rant and that I didn't deserve it. Yes there were somethings that are bothering him, but his tyranic outburst was more due to stress from work and the possibility of being jobless due to the economy. He just lost it and snapped, that's why he started hitting the walls & fridge, yelling and carrying on like a lunatic(lunatic is my description of his behavior, not his).

I would of loved to of believed him with every ounce of my being. It would of made my day to know that he meant it and that things would never come to that again. I believe Dr. Phil said the best indicator of future behavior is past behavior, DEFINATELY the truth in my situation.

I know the apology would come, just as much as I knew that his last outburst would show up again. Heck it is Christmas after all!

I can't believe I've let myself and my children live this life for so many years.

My daughter today on the way home from Christmas talked to me, she sounded too old for her 10 years. I was told that Dad has a temper, Dad doesn't like being talked back too, Dad doesn't know how to deal with her or brother's crying and that could we please move into our trailer? It broke my heart to hear her say it. The honesty in a child's voice can move you more than anything, it did tonight.

So, after Christmas I'm going to start the process of having my renters move from my trailer so I can move into it. It may take a couple of months, but I'll use it as an opportunity to save some cash for my move.

To see things from a child's viewpoint is honesty and eye opening and saddening all at the same time.

So my son has been in the county jail for 6 weeks, and he has 2 weeks to go. I have been learning the reality of taking it one day, one hour at a time. Son has been going to classes and work, so he has been out quite a bit, and I've gotten to see him briefly a couple of times a week. He does seem to be doing okay, counting the weeks, and for the most part staying positive.

Then tonight i get a phone call from someone who says he is from a nearby county jail. I noticed before I answered that the phone id said "private caller" which usually means someone is blocking their number for you to see. He asked me if I knew where my son was. I said he was in jail. He said that they had a warrant for him. I asked what for. He said armed robbery. I asked when this robbery was committed and then he hung up on me.

It sounded like a man,not a boy playing a joke. It scared me so bad. I called my ex and he called his brother who is a cop. He checked the computer and there are no warrants for my sons arrest. Which means that someone did this for the heck of it, I suppose? Why would someone do this? Could it be something that hadn't made it into the computer?

If someone is joking, it makes me feel ill that people could be that cruel. I can't imagine any of his friends even thinking of me or hating me enough to do this.

Anybody out there have any thoughts on this? The call took place at 7:00 on a Saturday night. The guy also told me to have my call him when he got out of jail. That seems a little bizarre. Thanks for any input you all might have about this.
krhea

But I just got in a fight with my A brother, and my parents, it all started when my brother yelled at my kids, which at the time they were fighting but thats my problem k. My brother goes into how my sister and I stole my parents house from them. (They took out a reverse mortgage) Now my brother and Dad say its not MOm and Dads house how my sister and I took it away from them by helping them get a reverse mortgage. I have explained over and over again how the deed reads my parents name and we are nowher on it! Anyway now my kids they would go to my parents house after school, now I have to find somewhere for them to go, where I will get the money for daycare I do not know, I have two days to figure it out.
One day my brother is going to hurt my parents, do I wait for that to happen or do I call the someone now? and who? will they do something before he hurts them? I know that this is not my decission to make it is my parents who alow him to stay, but how could they choose him over me and my kids? I'm so tired of the pain and the thought of not seeing my parents because of him kills me.

I wish they would just take all alchol off the shelfs

AH's brother called me today to let me know the times for Christmas at his house and such:). Then he asks me about the family vacation for this summer.

Our families always go on vacation together in the summer AH's brother and fam. his folks, our fam, and last year my sil's parents and my mom too. SIL makes the arrangements etc.. He said they were wanted to get the flights booked and wanted me to check and see if my mom wanted to go again etc..

MAN! How do I say it to him. I cannot commit to a family vacation right now! I have one foot out the door. Don't get me wrong I still feel there is a chance for my marriage, BUT a LOT would have to happen first!

Part of me wants to call him and tell him we cannot commit and explain exactly WHY and what is going on in the marriage (ie. my planning to seperate, AH "problem" etc.) I almost want him to know??

but I dunno if it is my place? I mean I am going to have to tell him something soon...the trip needs to be booked and I can't predict where the marriage will be 6 months from now!...ahhhh

My head knows it -- the lesson will keep repeating itself until I learn it. My head understands but when will the rest of me catch up? Been separated for over a year -- divorce hearing next week (woo hoo!) and got involved in a relationship last summer (too soon -- yes my head knows that). He's probably an A (of course); and he ended it and broke my heart (worse than leaving my AH). I went no contact for awhile; but thought I could handle it so we were back in contact "as friends". He's been trying to get me to meet him or let him come over for "a beer" for weeks. So finally I agreed to meet him at the bar -- part of a group of friends. I was also there with some other friends that included my brother. And, he basically ignored me when I sat at the "locals" table with him; then started texting me when I joined my other friends "did I offend you?", "whose that guy", "I just wanted to talk to you". And I kept telling him to come over and talk. . . . and he didn't. And then he left; and after I got home I cried my eyes out. And I'm wanting to contact him to apologize!!

So, everything you will say to me I will say "I know". I know better, I really do. I need the hear it anyway because I guess, relationships in general, and this guy in particular are apparently my DOC. Please tell me the "cravings" will go away sometime . . . soon!