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Archive for the ‘Btls’ tag

Ugh not looking forward to this…

without comments

Sorry for the title, but thats how I feel. This is all going to be hard work.

It's hard to know where to start. I am not sure how or where it happened.

I know I am very shy, and turn into this entertaining sexy funny women when I have had a few drinks. Well, thats my perception NOT reality.

I have:
done REALLY embarrassing things that I just won't even say, even here.
I have hidden drinks from my partner behind my chair (which he has seen)
Alcohol is my way of de-stressing, it makes my head stop spinning

It's really impacting my relationship
I want to do something about it, and plan to, but then it seems so natural to have a glass (or several) with dinner, I don't know where I am meant to stop it.

I usually most want to do something when I feel really sick.

I have on occassions gone through 3/4 a bottle of Bourbon. These are the 'bad' nights when I will fight with my partner.

I can drink 2 btls of wine, a few nights a week. Lately it's more like 3 or 4 glasses.

These days I get drunk quicker. Rather than building up tolerance it seems to have gone backwards.

I feel sometimes like I can't cope, but I don't know WHY - my life is fine.

I often want to make nights more 'exciting' alcohol heightens everything - even watching tv becomes more fun!
I suddenly have an opinion that I am not scared to voice.

I know I have terrible terrible self esteem.

This is all rambles not a story, I feel sort of emotionally detached from the situation as though I am looking at some stupid girl who can't control how much she drinks...............rather than looking at me.

Ok that is all for now. I just had to make a start.

Written by Tryingto

December 2nd, 2008 at 8:07 pm