Archive for the ‘Burns’ tag
major dysfunction, need help keeping my bearings
Anyone who has a share on this...please help!
I have been in recovery since 2000. Had as much as 3 years, which got blown up in the wake of a major family trial my wife started but will not admit to. I have been struggling ever since with our family dynamic and my continued sobriety; I am reaching the point of complete exasperation with her and her bizarre passive-aggressive co-dependent cycle.
She is a great mom to our son. I am ADHD and a smart, likeable guy, I do well at work and almost anything except dealing with a toddler 24-7. Since she is a *normie* and an untreated al-anon she has an attitude of superiority which grates on me and causes endless small issues. Forgiveness is low on her list as I have f-ed up so many times over the years; and I know I can't really expect anything major, but just trying to be around her and my son for any length of time leads invariably to struggles.
All I want is to live in peace, but I swear she can't do it. We are living apart, but whenever she needs help with OUR house, finances, time off, family trips, etc, she becomes EXTREMELY demanding in a polite sort of way, acting like I am a jerk if I don't jump a mile for the "damsel in distress". She does things like monopolize time with our son in very subtle and wily ways, like going shopping out of town and *forgetting* her phone - OOOH, that one burns me!!). Then, on the other hand, when she is fed up with me or has a bad day, her attitude becomes combative and argumentative so she can bait me into a totally illogical argument and label me as the bad guy because I react, which results in TOTAL frustration for me, to the point where I break out in a sweat just talking to her or thinking about her issues.
PRETTY HEALTHY, EH?
Please offer any advice except seek counseling (that's already in place and going nowhere).
I have been in recovery since 2000. Had as much as 3 years, which got blown up in the wake of a major family trial my wife started but will not admit to. I have been struggling ever since with our family dynamic and my continued sobriety; I am reaching the point of complete exasperation with her and her bizarre passive-aggressive co-dependent cycle.
She is a great mom to our son. I am ADHD and a smart, likeable guy, I do well at work and almost anything except dealing with a toddler 24-7. Since she is a *normie* and an untreated al-anon she has an attitude of superiority which grates on me and causes endless small issues. Forgiveness is low on her list as I have f-ed up so many times over the years; and I know I can't really expect anything major, but just trying to be around her and my son for any length of time leads invariably to struggles.
All I want is to live in peace, but I swear she can't do it. We are living apart, but whenever she needs help with OUR house, finances, time off, family trips, etc, she becomes EXTREMELY demanding in a polite sort of way, acting like I am a jerk if I don't jump a mile for the "damsel in distress". She does things like monopolize time with our son in very subtle and wily ways, like going shopping out of town and *forgetting* her phone - OOOH, that one burns me!!). Then, on the other hand, when she is fed up with me or has a bad day, her attitude becomes combative and argumentative so she can bait me into a totally illogical argument and label me as the bad guy because I react, which results in TOTAL frustration for me, to the point where I break out in a sweat just talking to her or thinking about her issues.
PRETTY HEALTHY, EH?
Please offer any advice except seek counseling (that's already in place and going nowhere).
Blurting it all out.
I sent this as a personal message to someone but felt i should put it on here and hopefully someone can relate and not feel alone?
I am doing quite well and have gone nearly four days sober and i feel good for it. My girlfriend has been a rock and i love her so much for it. We had a talk at the weekend (in fact it lasted nearly all weekend) and for once we didn't argue ... yer know why? BECAUSE WE WERE BOTH SOBER! Now dont get me wrong she doesn't have problems with addiction but she can get a bit moody when drunk and that can be bad. She has now stopped drinking as well and that means alot. We have been talking about going for walks and going for meals etc etc. Something that wouldn't have been an option before but with me being clean and having money it is. You see she works and i dont (i'm a musician) so she has paid for alot the four years we have been together. I had much worse addiction problems before i met her but i had never kicked my demons entirely and they crept up again at many points through the relationship. I used to be a heroin and amphetamine addict but always smoked dope too. I kicked the first two by the time i was about 20 (i am now 25) but carried on with dope as i thought it wasn't a problem but lo and behold it got worse and worse. I took ecstacy because it 'wasn't addictive' i took dope because it 'wasn't addictive' and i drank because i could handle that. OH NO NO NO i couldn't. These drugs however recreational took me to many dark places and set off some weird self harming when high. When on ecstacy i used to get cigarettes and burn my arms but not little burns but welts all down my arms. I dont know i got a buzz because when i was high it didn't hurt half as much. But then when i was just a bit drunk i started doing it and it became a problem. I haven't done it for a while now and i feel it was just the drugs bringing it out. I am now four days sober after nearly fifteen years of drug abuse and i have done that before but once and for all this sh~t is going to be gone forever and then it will be positive music and gigs where i dont need to be hammered to perform. Walks in the countryside and nice food. I love food and love cooking and i love walking and the more i think i love many things but never got round to them. This time i will definitley. Anyway i am really rambling on but i've never wrote this out before.
Alex
I am doing quite well and have gone nearly four days sober and i feel good for it. My girlfriend has been a rock and i love her so much for it. We had a talk at the weekend (in fact it lasted nearly all weekend) and for once we didn't argue ... yer know why? BECAUSE WE WERE BOTH SOBER! Now dont get me wrong she doesn't have problems with addiction but she can get a bit moody when drunk and that can be bad. She has now stopped drinking as well and that means alot. We have been talking about going for walks and going for meals etc etc. Something that wouldn't have been an option before but with me being clean and having money it is. You see she works and i dont (i'm a musician) so she has paid for alot the four years we have been together. I had much worse addiction problems before i met her but i had never kicked my demons entirely and they crept up again at many points through the relationship. I used to be a heroin and amphetamine addict but always smoked dope too. I kicked the first two by the time i was about 20 (i am now 25) but carried on with dope as i thought it wasn't a problem but lo and behold it got worse and worse. I took ecstacy because it 'wasn't addictive' i took dope because it 'wasn't addictive' and i drank because i could handle that. OH NO NO NO i couldn't. These drugs however recreational took me to many dark places and set off some weird self harming when high. When on ecstacy i used to get cigarettes and burn my arms but not little burns but welts all down my arms. I dont know i got a buzz because when i was high it didn't hurt half as much. But then when i was just a bit drunk i started doing it and it became a problem. I haven't done it for a while now and i feel it was just the drugs bringing it out. I am now four days sober after nearly fifteen years of drug abuse and i have done that before but once and for all this sh~t is going to be gone forever and then it will be positive music and gigs where i dont need to be hammered to perform. Walks in the countryside and nice food. I love food and love cooking and i love walking and the more i think i love many things but never got round to them. This time i will definitley. Anyway i am really rambling on but i've never wrote this out before.
Alex
Autumn Gilt
Quote:
|
The late September sunshine Lime green on linden leaves, Burns bronze on the slated roofs, Yellow on the farmer's sheaves. It flares flame-like on the fire hydrants Is ebony on the black birds wings, Blue-beryl on the face of the ocean, Glints gold on the brides wedding ring. A sparkling shadow on the stained glass windows It's silver sheen on the kitchen sink The late September sunshine Is a chameleon, I think. Valerie Bloom |
Just a Funny Story
Alright so this past weekend we are sitting around playing a totally legal (yeah right...) game of texas hold em poker. It is something we do alot of and my best friend was over. Everyone except me and my wonderful supporting husband are drinking.
I am drinking my favorite "drink that won't make me fall over" drink of 1/2 OJ, 1/2 cranberry juice and soda water. My husband is drinking water and my best friend is drinking vodka and soda water with lime. So, in the middle of a very exciting hand my best friend (who can drink more then anyone I know) reaches over without looking and grabs my husbands water and takes a huge gulp... Then he swallows... and as he does is saying "it burns... someone please stop it... it is cleaning all the poision from my system... it burns!"
Just another funny sober moment... :)
He quickly went back to his vodka soda... ;)
I am drinking my favorite "drink that won't make me fall over" drink of 1/2 OJ, 1/2 cranberry juice and soda water. My husband is drinking water and my best friend is drinking vodka and soda water with lime. So, in the middle of a very exciting hand my best friend (who can drink more then anyone I know) reaches over without looking and grabs my husbands water and takes a huge gulp... Then he swallows... and as he does is saying "it burns... someone please stop it... it is cleaning all the poision from my system... it burns!"
Just another funny sober moment... :)
He quickly went back to his vodka soda... ;)
