Archive for the ‘Busy At Work’ tag
Judgment, craziness, and sick people
I have another stupid story to tell from the rooms. I am truly getting tired of all the BS, let me tell you. I have to say "take what I need and leave the rest" over and over in my head lately.
Anyway, so today I finally get a call back from my sponsor who has been MIA this week on vacation to visit her sponsor in another country.
She tells me that after talking it over with her sponsor (I knew that was going to cause trouble, because her sponsor doesn't know me or my life), she feels that I really have to start going to more meetings (I'm very busy at work now and am making 3 a week), that I won't get any better with my current schedule and that I must find a way to scale back my life to make "90 in 90." But I don't feel the need or desire to do that.
I explained to her that isn't doable due to my bills. I have a kid in college, a mortgage, two cars for us, a younger child, and all the regular bills that go along with all that. I asked her what she would have me cut back on. I mean, I told her, it's not like I'm buying new shoes, or taking any vacations even. I'm only 5 years from retirement at my current job, so a change in career isn't feasible now. And we're in a recession. Many of us, including me, are just scraping by, with the costs going up, but salaries staying the same.
She told me that she did it, so so could I. She says she went to 3 meetings a day when new. I pointed out the differences in our lifestyles. She is still living w/mom and dad, has no car, a part-time gig that she isn't committed to, and comes from money. I explained to her, that even if I wanted to, I wouldn't be able to live the way she does.
She told me that I will end up picking up if I don't do it her way. But I'm doing pretty well. I have 6 months, and I just spoke at a meeting for the first time. I really was feeling stronger lately.
I pointed that out and then she really got on my case about my service commitment to my home group; a reading. I selected that service because I'm a shift worker who can only make 1/2 the meetings (I'm on night shift 1/2 the time). My home group knew that when I signed up. So that didn't seem to be a problem then, someone could read the reading on the days I couldn't be there. It wasn't that big of a deal. But she said she wanted me to "resign the commitment" although there isn't anyone else who wants it. And I'm a good reader. Really good at that. Seriously, people say they love to hear me read. Sounds stupid, but they do say that at my home group. So I liked that job. It made me feel like I finally belonged somewhere.
At first, she made me feel really bad. And finally I just snapped. I went off. I told her "You can take that service commitment, and your home group, and you can get f'd." Then I hung up. I'm so mad. I'm so frustrated. It's my home group too. I don't know anymore. I just don't know if I want to belong to any of it right now. I'm so tired of non-constructive criticism from people who don't seem to know anything about how to live a balanced life in recovery. Or even how to help me work the steps. Or even how to be happy.
So once again, no sponsor, no prospects. Alone again. So sick of it.
KJ
Anyway, so today I finally get a call back from my sponsor who has been MIA this week on vacation to visit her sponsor in another country.
She tells me that after talking it over with her sponsor (I knew that was going to cause trouble, because her sponsor doesn't know me or my life), she feels that I really have to start going to more meetings (I'm very busy at work now and am making 3 a week), that I won't get any better with my current schedule and that I must find a way to scale back my life to make "90 in 90." But I don't feel the need or desire to do that.
I explained to her that isn't doable due to my bills. I have a kid in college, a mortgage, two cars for us, a younger child, and all the regular bills that go along with all that. I asked her what she would have me cut back on. I mean, I told her, it's not like I'm buying new shoes, or taking any vacations even. I'm only 5 years from retirement at my current job, so a change in career isn't feasible now. And we're in a recession. Many of us, including me, are just scraping by, with the costs going up, but salaries staying the same.
She told me that she did it, so so could I. She says she went to 3 meetings a day when new. I pointed out the differences in our lifestyles. She is still living w/mom and dad, has no car, a part-time gig that she isn't committed to, and comes from money. I explained to her, that even if I wanted to, I wouldn't be able to live the way she does.
She told me that I will end up picking up if I don't do it her way. But I'm doing pretty well. I have 6 months, and I just spoke at a meeting for the first time. I really was feeling stronger lately.
I pointed that out and then she really got on my case about my service commitment to my home group; a reading. I selected that service because I'm a shift worker who can only make 1/2 the meetings (I'm on night shift 1/2 the time). My home group knew that when I signed up. So that didn't seem to be a problem then, someone could read the reading on the days I couldn't be there. It wasn't that big of a deal. But she said she wanted me to "resign the commitment" although there isn't anyone else who wants it. And I'm a good reader. Really good at that. Seriously, people say they love to hear me read. Sounds stupid, but they do say that at my home group. So I liked that job. It made me feel like I finally belonged somewhere.
At first, she made me feel really bad. And finally I just snapped. I went off. I told her "You can take that service commitment, and your home group, and you can get f'd." Then I hung up. I'm so mad. I'm so frustrated. It's my home group too. I don't know anymore. I just don't know if I want to belong to any of it right now. I'm so tired of non-constructive criticism from people who don't seem to know anything about how to live a balanced life in recovery. Or even how to help me work the steps. Or even how to be happy.
So once again, no sponsor, no prospects. Alone again. So sick of it.
KJ
delayed alcohol withdrawal?
I broke a leg badly (while sober!) 4 weeks ago. I was administered 20mg. "oxynorm" for severe pain in hospital over 10 days, and subsequently precribed same on discharge. I did not consume any alcohol for obvious reasons while on this medication. When I started to reduce my intake as the pain subsided, nothing prepared me the symtems that I experienced when the the medication wore off, after 6 hours or so.
As well as the very unpleasant physical systems (too many to list), the anxiety and paranoia was unbelievable. I assumed I had become hooked to the medication. However my ex-wife insists the it was withdrawal from alcohol.
Whilst I drink heavily regularly, more than 10 beers a day, I don't drink every day, have periods of three to four days without it if very busy at work. I get hangovers, but nothing like this!
Prescribed 5mg valium as a result, which gave immediate relief, everything immediately normalised within 48 hours with no oxynorm, and now no valium.
I suspect it was suppressed anxiety, I have more than a few problems including total loss of income over this 3 month period, and all that intails.
But booze is getting the blame for everything.
I would love an objective opinion? I don't mind the truth, as long as it is fair and balanced?
I hope this question is considered relevant to your site. If it isn't, I apologise.
Regards, and thanks,
jaygee.
As well as the very unpleasant physical systems (too many to list), the anxiety and paranoia was unbelievable. I assumed I had become hooked to the medication. However my ex-wife insists the it was withdrawal from alcohol.
Whilst I drink heavily regularly, more than 10 beers a day, I don't drink every day, have periods of three to four days without it if very busy at work. I get hangovers, but nothing like this!
Prescribed 5mg valium as a result, which gave immediate relief, everything immediately normalised within 48 hours with no oxynorm, and now no valium.
I suspect it was suppressed anxiety, I have more than a few problems including total loss of income over this 3 month period, and all that intails.
But booze is getting the blame for everything.
I would love an objective opinion? I don't mind the truth, as long as it is fair and balanced?
I hope this question is considered relevant to your site. If it isn't, I apologise.
Regards, and thanks,
jaygee.
