Archive for the ‘Buzz’ tag
Day 3
Here it is day, 3...I would be drinking by now, because this would be the "other" day of my "every other" day drinking binge. This has became a routine of mine since my hubby and I lost our jobs a little over 2 months ago. We just got back from the store and I'm getting ready to make some taco salads...yummy. Still hanging in there and taking it "A Day At A Time". I'm so happy that my hubby is supportive of me and he doesn't like drinking that much anymore. He used to enjoy drinking about a year and a half ago and just did it mostly out of boredom. Me on the other hand did it out of boredom, for fun, when I was stressed and mostly for the buzz...I enjoyed doing it no matter what. It sure made everything more fun...like cleaning house, dishes, doing crafts and just plain hanging out at home. But I would have such terrible guilt the next day, even if everything went just fine the night before. I just wanted to check in and let you know how I was doing and that I haven't had a drink since New Years Eve. Right now I'm drinking a Diet Pepsi w/Wild Cherry flavoring...."Cheers, here's to another day and here's to today". :dance8::dance8:
Let's just see what tomorrow brings, because it is another day.
I would love to say no more for me please, never doing it again...but that is just to scary to think about. That is why I'd rather deal with it a day at a time. Besides, I think I would be pleased with myself if I did just cut back to once a month compared to the every other day routine.
Thanks for Listening and God Bless!!!
Take Care,
XOXO
Let's just see what tomorrow brings, because it is another day.
I would love to say no more for me please, never doing it again...but that is just to scary to think about. That is why I'd rather deal with it a day at a time. Besides, I think I would be pleased with myself if I did just cut back to once a month compared to the every other day routine.
Thanks for Listening and God Bless!!!
Take Care,
XOXO
had some questions about oxy abuse…….
Hi, my name is Cessy, I am a regular at the friends and family of addicts forum.
I have an addict boyfriend that lives with me, and my story is long- I will spare you the details.
I just had a couple questions about the pills he's takeing (out of curiosity).
He 'says' it's oxycodone he takes.
On a day where he 'says he's being honest' - he says he does about 10 a day.
He has a history with coke and alcohol, but the pills have replaced that almost entierly. Not that I condone any drugs, the coke and alcohol were an occasional thing- this is ABSOLUTE abuse -that has severely impacted his life. (and of course mine).
He keeps saying 'he's gonna get help' - bla bla bla. I know what I need to do there....
My question is as follows.... out of curiosity, I'm wondering how you know someone has progressed to 'snorting' pills?
I see a difference in him. He acts different now when he is high- I always could tell- but now it is very very noticeable.
When I kissed him the other night- I tasted something bitter...???
He claimed he did a line of coke? I don't buy it, because the buzz I've seen him with on coke is very different, (mouth movements etc.)
He is either happy happy high, or sleeeeeeping all the time (not high)
Just wondering if he is getting really bad......
Any insight would interest me.
Thank you,
Cessy
I have an addict boyfriend that lives with me, and my story is long- I will spare you the details.
I just had a couple questions about the pills he's takeing (out of curiosity).
He 'says' it's oxycodone he takes.
On a day where he 'says he's being honest' - he says he does about 10 a day.
He has a history with coke and alcohol, but the pills have replaced that almost entierly. Not that I condone any drugs, the coke and alcohol were an occasional thing- this is ABSOLUTE abuse -that has severely impacted his life. (and of course mine).
He keeps saying 'he's gonna get help' - bla bla bla. I know what I need to do there....
My question is as follows.... out of curiosity, I'm wondering how you know someone has progressed to 'snorting' pills?
I see a difference in him. He acts different now when he is high- I always could tell- but now it is very very noticeable.
When I kissed him the other night- I tasted something bitter...???
He claimed he did a line of coke? I don't buy it, because the buzz I've seen him with on coke is very different, (mouth movements etc.)
He is either happy happy high, or sleeeeeeping all the time (not high)
Just wondering if he is getting really bad......
Any insight would interest me.
Thank you,
Cessy
Difference in WD symptoms
An anecdotal experience that might be helpful . . .
A few years ago, I tapered off of a 15 mg/day hydro habit down to 2.5 mg. Quitting was pure hell. I suffered from G.I. distress, RLS, and insomnia. Those things were tolerable, but the depression and lethargy weren't. I felt like sleeping all of the time but couldn't. I figured that I was just reaping the rewards of a 8 year opioid affair.
It took a few weeks before I felt civil and a few months before I re-approached anything like normal.
Afterwards, tests run during a routine colonoscopy (i.e. an odyssey to my ileum) determined that I was anemic; specifically I was lacking folic acid.
I started taking OTC folic acid and that fixed my anemia. Today marks the 2nd day of no meds, and except for some gut sensitivity, mentally I'm just fine. I know I'm not out of the woods yet, but the difference is huge.
I'm thinking that WDs are easier this time because I'm a lot healthier. The moral of the story may be to have a thorough check-up and blood work before you quit cold turkey or taper. It seems that certain deficiencies can make the whole process a lot more difficult.
Will post if anything changes quickly . . .
Buzz
A few years ago, I tapered off of a 15 mg/day hydro habit down to 2.5 mg. Quitting was pure hell. I suffered from G.I. distress, RLS, and insomnia. Those things were tolerable, but the depression and lethargy weren't. I felt like sleeping all of the time but couldn't. I figured that I was just reaping the rewards of a 8 year opioid affair.
It took a few weeks before I felt civil and a few months before I re-approached anything like normal.
Afterwards, tests run during a routine colonoscopy (i.e. an odyssey to my ileum) determined that I was anemic; specifically I was lacking folic acid.
I started taking OTC folic acid and that fixed my anemia. Today marks the 2nd day of no meds, and except for some gut sensitivity, mentally I'm just fine. I know I'm not out of the woods yet, but the difference is huge.
I'm thinking that WDs are easier this time because I'm a lot healthier. The moral of the story may be to have a thorough check-up and blood work before you quit cold turkey or taper. It seems that certain deficiencies can make the whole process a lot more difficult.
Will post if anything changes quickly . . .
Buzz
My story.
Hi Everyone,
I am new to this forum. I would like to share my story on how I quit drinking, with all of you. I truly hope it helps someone else.
I started drinking 13 years back. Yeah, the number 13 is lucky for me. I began my drinking career :) drinking only beer every weekend. It was to socialize at that time. Initially I never drank the hard stuff but thats how most people begin I guess. Those days I could go a weekend or 2 without drinking. but never used to touch alcohol on the weekdays. Then, in 2003 I moved to a new country and started living by myself. Loneliness and work pressure was getting to me. I gave up on beer since I felt I was putting on weight from beer(alcohol is any form makes you put on the extra pounds which I learnt only later), so I started drinking white rum to overcome depression and kill my time. It started with a couple of drinks on a friday which invariably spilled over to saturday as well. I smoke too so my smoking increased 5 fold everytime I drank.Then, since 2004 I started drinking on Sundays as well and then a Monday, tuesday, etc etc etc. My drinking became full fledged. I drank everyday. I drank when I was happy, when I was sad, lonely, angry, anything and everything. I used to start with a drink or 2 but due to years of drinking, 2 started feeling insufficient. I wasnt getting the buzz so I drank 3 maybe even 4 sometimes. And on weekends I would finish 3/4ths of a 750 ml bacardi white in one sitting. If I didnt drink, I didnt know what else to do. I was bored, no one to motivate me to quit. I was fighting with loved ones over the phone. I was becoming a pain for everyone. I was hurting people I loved.
It all changed 3 months back when I got married. Both me and my wife wanted to have a kid right away. I tried to get her pregnant but couldnt. Was my sperm count screwed up? Can I never become a father? These were the questions I was asking myself. My dreams were fading away right before my eyes. I was scared. But like a true alcoholic, I went right back to drinking thinking bacardi would save my life and increase my sperm count in some miraculous way.It didnt. Time was running out. Then one fine day, I went through my bank transactions. Believe it or not, I was buying a bottle of alcohol every 3 days since the last 5 years. This got me crapped out.The money spent didnt worry me as much as did the amount being consumed. I quit cold turkey. Its now been 2 weeks/2 weekends. I have never gone a single weekend without a drink in the last 13 years even in my beer drinking days.
How did I do it?
I am not going to talk about determination and big words along those lines. I simply want to have a kid at whatever cost. This is my goal. I have read many articles on the net which say that the sperm count increases after 3 months of alcohol abstainance. So you need to have a goal.
How did I go about achieving it? Well, I found an substitute. It may sound silly to many of you. I drink a cup or 2 of coffee with lots of milk every evening I get the craving. In my case, I cant drink after I eat food or drink milk in any form coz I throw up. Once I drink the coffee, the craving goes away right way which makes me think its all in the mind. So, find a substitute. Find something to eat or drink which you feel will interfere with your drinks. I am sure every alcoholic avoids at least one food item before every drink. Try it.
Pros:
I feel so much happier and energetic.
I have gotten back to playing cricket over the weekend of which I was a member since 2003 but never went even once. Now I am a regular.
I wake up earlier on weekends and do things around the house. I wake up looking forward to the day.
I catch up on movies I missed out over the last several years.
I am back to weight training which was my passion at some stage in my life and I see some positive results showing on my body.
No more monday morning blues.
No more arguments with people I love.
And the best part, I'll be able to become a father soon. I cant wait.
My family and friends are proud of me.
Cons:
The only con as far I am concerned is that I smoke more on the weekends now. But I plan to quit this as well. One nasty habit at a time :).
Know when I felt totally proud of myself? Last weekend a friend called me over for a couple of beers. But I said "Sorry, I quit drinking". I felt like on top of this world.
And for the first time ever, this new year's eve I wont be drinking. I have never missed a new year drinking celebration since I turned to alcohol all those years back.
If this post helps someone else out there, I'll be the happiest. Thanks for reading.
Good luck. You can do it!!!!!!
Cheers,
Raj
I am new to this forum. I would like to share my story on how I quit drinking, with all of you. I truly hope it helps someone else.
I started drinking 13 years back. Yeah, the number 13 is lucky for me. I began my drinking career :) drinking only beer every weekend. It was to socialize at that time. Initially I never drank the hard stuff but thats how most people begin I guess. Those days I could go a weekend or 2 without drinking. but never used to touch alcohol on the weekdays. Then, in 2003 I moved to a new country and started living by myself. Loneliness and work pressure was getting to me. I gave up on beer since I felt I was putting on weight from beer(alcohol is any form makes you put on the extra pounds which I learnt only later), so I started drinking white rum to overcome depression and kill my time. It started with a couple of drinks on a friday which invariably spilled over to saturday as well. I smoke too so my smoking increased 5 fold everytime I drank.Then, since 2004 I started drinking on Sundays as well and then a Monday, tuesday, etc etc etc. My drinking became full fledged. I drank everyday. I drank when I was happy, when I was sad, lonely, angry, anything and everything. I used to start with a drink or 2 but due to years of drinking, 2 started feeling insufficient. I wasnt getting the buzz so I drank 3 maybe even 4 sometimes. And on weekends I would finish 3/4ths of a 750 ml bacardi white in one sitting. If I didnt drink, I didnt know what else to do. I was bored, no one to motivate me to quit. I was fighting with loved ones over the phone. I was becoming a pain for everyone. I was hurting people I loved.
It all changed 3 months back when I got married. Both me and my wife wanted to have a kid right away. I tried to get her pregnant but couldnt. Was my sperm count screwed up? Can I never become a father? These were the questions I was asking myself. My dreams were fading away right before my eyes. I was scared. But like a true alcoholic, I went right back to drinking thinking bacardi would save my life and increase my sperm count in some miraculous way.It didnt. Time was running out. Then one fine day, I went through my bank transactions. Believe it or not, I was buying a bottle of alcohol every 3 days since the last 5 years. This got me crapped out.The money spent didnt worry me as much as did the amount being consumed. I quit cold turkey. Its now been 2 weeks/2 weekends. I have never gone a single weekend without a drink in the last 13 years even in my beer drinking days.
How did I do it?
I am not going to talk about determination and big words along those lines. I simply want to have a kid at whatever cost. This is my goal. I have read many articles on the net which say that the sperm count increases after 3 months of alcohol abstainance. So you need to have a goal.
How did I go about achieving it? Well, I found an substitute. It may sound silly to many of you. I drink a cup or 2 of coffee with lots of milk every evening I get the craving. In my case, I cant drink after I eat food or drink milk in any form coz I throw up. Once I drink the coffee, the craving goes away right way which makes me think its all in the mind. So, find a substitute. Find something to eat or drink which you feel will interfere with your drinks. I am sure every alcoholic avoids at least one food item before every drink. Try it.
Pros:
I feel so much happier and energetic.
I have gotten back to playing cricket over the weekend of which I was a member since 2003 but never went even once. Now I am a regular.
I wake up earlier on weekends and do things around the house. I wake up looking forward to the day.
I catch up on movies I missed out over the last several years.
I am back to weight training which was my passion at some stage in my life and I see some positive results showing on my body.
No more monday morning blues.
No more arguments with people I love.
And the best part, I'll be able to become a father soon. I cant wait.
My family and friends are proud of me.
Cons:
The only con as far I am concerned is that I smoke more on the weekends now. But I plan to quit this as well. One nasty habit at a time :).
Know when I felt totally proud of myself? Last weekend a friend called me over for a couple of beers. But I said "Sorry, I quit drinking". I felt like on top of this world.
And for the first time ever, this new year's eve I wont be drinking. I have never missed a new year drinking celebration since I turned to alcohol all those years back.
If this post helps someone else out there, I'll be the happiest. Thanks for reading.
Good luck. You can do it!!!!!!
Cheers,
Raj
Buzz is back
Hey folks,
It has been a interesting few years . . .
This forum helped me to be sober for about a year. Some minor medical problems made it easy to relapse. This year I had surgery and dental work. I've been taking low doses of hydro on a daily basis even without the need --just to avoid the WDs and maybe even life in general . . .
My dosage isn't huge (about 10 mg/day) but it is an addiction nonetheless. I'm not tempted to boost the dosage, but the meds aren't doing much.
I've been incredibly busy with a new venture, and also embarrassed to post because of my relapse and continued use. I pop in every now and then to check on folks. This really is an incredible, caring bunch.
In my opinion, it's impossible to grow emotionally and spiritually while on opioids. I'm in my early 50's and I don't have an unlimited amount of time on this earth to straighten out.
So yesterday I took 2.5 mgs. and today nothing.
Today is the winter solstice. It marks the darkest day and the longest night of the year. Every day from now will be filled with more light, as I hope that I shall be.
I went by the drug store to pick up some Immodium and Emergen-C for the inevitable G.I. distress that is sure to follow. Right now I'm pretty calm and serene . . . let's see how days 2-10 pan out.
I'd like to thank everyone for letting me be a part of the journey.
Buzz
It has been a interesting few years . . .
This forum helped me to be sober for about a year. Some minor medical problems made it easy to relapse. This year I had surgery and dental work. I've been taking low doses of hydro on a daily basis even without the need --just to avoid the WDs and maybe even life in general . . .
My dosage isn't huge (about 10 mg/day) but it is an addiction nonetheless. I'm not tempted to boost the dosage, but the meds aren't doing much.
I've been incredibly busy with a new venture, and also embarrassed to post because of my relapse and continued use. I pop in every now and then to check on folks. This really is an incredible, caring bunch.
In my opinion, it's impossible to grow emotionally and spiritually while on opioids. I'm in my early 50's and I don't have an unlimited amount of time on this earth to straighten out.
So yesterday I took 2.5 mgs. and today nothing.
Today is the winter solstice. It marks the darkest day and the longest night of the year. Every day from now will be filled with more light, as I hope that I shall be.
I went by the drug store to pick up some Immodium and Emergen-C for the inevitable G.I. distress that is sure to follow. Right now I'm pretty calm and serene . . . let's see how days 2-10 pan out.
I'd like to thank everyone for letting me be a part of the journey.
Buzz
Day 7 and life’s good
Hi guys, well it's day 7 today, and life is looking up...
I'm usually a hermit with a glass in my hand, but this week I have been to town twice, once with Hubby and once with Miss 19, I had a great time both times with no panic attacks or anxiety.
I've been enjoying cooking again instead of it being a chore.
I've smiled more this week than in the last 6 months, and it's a smile that comes from right down deep, a happy warming smile.
I've done so much more with my children, and again, because I've realy enjoyed it, not just out of guilt and responsibility like when I was drinking.
I've spent last weeks booze money on a set of wheel trims for my car, 4 DVDs and a double christmas CD for the family, it felt great.
I've eaten well and feel healthier for it, I've drunk a ton of water & juice and feel healthier for it, and I've gotten more excersize and feel good.
I'm looking forward to Christmas with no booze, just a fun time with my husband and children, they are all the buzz I need.
The only negative is sleeping, it's a shocker, but I'll get there, and I know I'm very lucky to only have one negative thing happening, I've gotten off lightly this time, and I intend on making the most of it, my detoxs in the past have been shocking, as have my recoveries (that didn't last obviously) so I never want to do this again because I know I won't get it as easy as this next time.... someone is definately looking over me and blessing my efforts!!!
I hope every one is having a fantastic day and feeling rightly proud of their efforts :Val004:
I'm usually a hermit with a glass in my hand, but this week I have been to town twice, once with Hubby and once with Miss 19, I had a great time both times with no panic attacks or anxiety.
I've been enjoying cooking again instead of it being a chore.
I've smiled more this week than in the last 6 months, and it's a smile that comes from right down deep, a happy warming smile.
I've done so much more with my children, and again, because I've realy enjoyed it, not just out of guilt and responsibility like when I was drinking.
I've spent last weeks booze money on a set of wheel trims for my car, 4 DVDs and a double christmas CD for the family, it felt great.
I've eaten well and feel healthier for it, I've drunk a ton of water & juice and feel healthier for it, and I've gotten more excersize and feel good.
I'm looking forward to Christmas with no booze, just a fun time with my husband and children, they are all the buzz I need.
The only negative is sleeping, it's a shocker, but I'll get there, and I know I'm very lucky to only have one negative thing happening, I've gotten off lightly this time, and I intend on making the most of it, my detoxs in the past have been shocking, as have my recoveries (that didn't last obviously) so I never want to do this again because I know I won't get it as easy as this next time.... someone is definately looking over me and blessing my efforts!!!
I hope every one is having a fantastic day and feeling rightly proud of their efforts :Val004:
What is the Ego?
Hi everyone. I am not in AA, but I have gone to AA meetings and I read AA literature, and I read this forum and use many AA concepts in my recovery.
My question is basically, what do you think the ego is in regards to the AA program? It seems to me that AA considers a big ego as being a bad thing, that the person with it is self-centered and thinks that she is more powerful than her HP. And a person with a deflated ego is a humbled person and more willing to turn it over to their HP.
When I hear the word ego I think of the Freudian concept of the id, ego and superego, where:
Id: is our basic primal selves, our base desires and drives, the id always wants immediate gradification.
Superego: Our "concience," our idea of right and wrong that is taught to us by our parents and our cultural beliefs.
Ego: The mediator between the id and superego, it is our rational selves.
So, our id might want us to eat a candy bar while our superego thinks it should be a salad, so our ego might decide to eat half the candy bar instead.
Or, an example for alcohol: our id wants a buzz, our superego tells us no, and it is up to our ego to decide if we drink or not.
Do you think that we alcoholics have a naturally weak superego, or ego, or both, according to the Freudian theory?
If you want to read more about the Freaudian theory, here is one link:
Thank you for any thoughts and have a great day!
My question is basically, what do you think the ego is in regards to the AA program? It seems to me that AA considers a big ego as being a bad thing, that the person with it is self-centered and thinks that she is more powerful than her HP. And a person with a deflated ego is a humbled person and more willing to turn it over to their HP.
When I hear the word ego I think of the Freudian concept of the id, ego and superego, where:
Id: is our basic primal selves, our base desires and drives, the id always wants immediate gradification.
Superego: Our "concience," our idea of right and wrong that is taught to us by our parents and our cultural beliefs.
Ego: The mediator between the id and superego, it is our rational selves.
So, our id might want us to eat a candy bar while our superego thinks it should be a salad, so our ego might decide to eat half the candy bar instead.
Or, an example for alcohol: our id wants a buzz, our superego tells us no, and it is up to our ego to decide if we drink or not.
Do you think that we alcoholics have a naturally weak superego, or ego, or both, according to the Freudian theory?
If you want to read more about the Freaudian theory, here is one link:
Thank you for any thoughts and have a great day!
Told AH what I thought about our situation…
I called him, yeah I know kinda chicken but I get so nervous when I talk to him in person......
I told him his drinking was out of hand again,(last wk he got drunk at a family restaurant w/ the kids and then I came home from work later that week to find him "with a pretty good buzz going" while he was supposed to be watching the kids, one of which is disabled) that he was embarassing me, the kids in public and family-type situations. That it made me feel horrible to have to tell our daughter what was wrong with daddy. That it makes me feel uncomfortable when he drinks...
It took me a little whilel, but I got out a lot of things about how his drinking made me and our daugther feel.
His only response was that he wanted to know what I wanted him to do......
He said he was proud of me for not having vice's like smoking or drinking, but that's not him.
When I got home from work all the beer in the fridge was gone and he was alseep (I work 2nd shift part-time). Today he hasn't talked to me AT ALL. Any conversation was immediately squashed, he never said one "love you" on the phone when I said I made supper(which he refused to eat) or any other time. For him this is unusual because he is the one that says it first on the phone every time. He asked me if I was going to put up a Christmas tree.
Just makes me feel like crap, I kind of figured he'd be this way...but it still feels bad and gets me upset.
I told him his drinking was out of hand again,(last wk he got drunk at a family restaurant w/ the kids and then I came home from work later that week to find him "with a pretty good buzz going" while he was supposed to be watching the kids, one of which is disabled) that he was embarassing me, the kids in public and family-type situations. That it made me feel horrible to have to tell our daughter what was wrong with daddy. That it makes me feel uncomfortable when he drinks...
It took me a little whilel, but I got out a lot of things about how his drinking made me and our daugther feel.
His only response was that he wanted to know what I wanted him to do......
He said he was proud of me for not having vice's like smoking or drinking, but that's not him.
When I got home from work all the beer in the fridge was gone and he was alseep (I work 2nd shift part-time). Today he hasn't talked to me AT ALL. Any conversation was immediately squashed, he never said one "love you" on the phone when I said I made supper(which he refused to eat) or any other time. For him this is unusual because he is the one that says it first on the phone every time. He asked me if I was going to put up a Christmas tree.
Just makes me feel like crap, I kind of figured he'd be this way...but it still feels bad and gets me upset.
Day 8 and a little rambling
Today is my 8th day without a drink. Last time I only made it 11 days so I am anxious to hit that "hump". I have had random thoughts about a drink but for the most part, they are not cravings.
I am trying to figure out why I started drinking again.... aside from being an addict, lol.... I didn't have the kids (I NEVER drink when I have my kids, thankfully) and my husband asked me to watch our business for a couple of hours and I think I felt FREE. No kids... no being stuck at home... a time for a little socializing... and it was easy to go across the street to the only liquor store in town and get two mini vodkas... so I did... and then I wanted to keep that buzz going... so on the way home I got a bigger vodka and waited until the kids were in bed and DH watching TV to have a sip. I told myself it would last over a week.... after passing out that night, I realized the next morning that I had had HALF of it... and I poured the rest out... but that didn't stop me from getting more for the next night... And I wonder why I do that? I don't feel GOOD when I drink. I am not HAPPY when I drink. I am mean to my husband and say terrible things to him... and then don't remember saying them...
Anyway, it's day 8 and I am having a GOOD DAY and that is what counts... I am so happy to be sober TODAY!!!
I am trying to figure out why I started drinking again.... aside from being an addict, lol.... I didn't have the kids (I NEVER drink when I have my kids, thankfully) and my husband asked me to watch our business for a couple of hours and I think I felt FREE. No kids... no being stuck at home... a time for a little socializing... and it was easy to go across the street to the only liquor store in town and get two mini vodkas... so I did... and then I wanted to keep that buzz going... so on the way home I got a bigger vodka and waited until the kids were in bed and DH watching TV to have a sip. I told myself it would last over a week.... after passing out that night, I realized the next morning that I had had HALF of it... and I poured the rest out... but that didn't stop me from getting more for the next night... And I wonder why I do that? I don't feel GOOD when I drink. I am not HAPPY when I drink. I am mean to my husband and say terrible things to him... and then don't remember saying them...
Anyway, it's day 8 and I am having a GOOD DAY and that is what counts... I am so happy to be sober TODAY!!!
Hi I’m New. Here’s my story.
Hi.
I am a person who has battled with alcoholism since I was about 17 years of age. The first time I ever drank I got really high from alcohol. I remember wanting more and more. My friend who had drunk less woke up sick, I woke up feeling fine.
I have been in lots of trouble because of alcohol. I was homeless for a couple of years. I have been arrested probably around 30 times because of alcohol. I have (serious) scars all over my arms and legs cause I used to smash up bottles and cut myself.
I can remember throwing a stake at an incoming train, which was probably only 25 metres of so away from me. I can remember nearly drowning a river that surrounds a brewery (at the time I was trying to get to it, though I could get more alcohol).
I have been taken into hospital many dozens of times, detained on several occasions.
I have done some bad things when drunk, things i would NEVER do when sober. I'm considered to be polite and mild mannered when sober. When drunk I have smashed shop windows, smashed up cars, attacked police with knives, jumped on top of moving police cars etc. Of course I have woken up plenty of times covered in vomit and worst. In my worst period i had horrific hallucinations, the worst you could possibly imagine, they still scare me to this day. I always want more and more alcohol and i am a rapid drinker. It makes me really, really high at first. At its best i cant imagine ANY drug could make me possibly better. I feel clever, and able to handle everything- motivated, happy, excited, interested, relaxed, this "buzz" feeling. Sometimes when drunk I have stolen from bottleshops (something i would never normally do- i do not steal) to get more alcohol. WHen i was homeless in the city I you would find me passed out around various spots in the city. I used to get free food at homeless shelter, they were actually pretty good there. The doctor used to say i would end up dead if I didnt stop drinking, they would give me you know those vitamin injections.
I usually drink about 4-5 times a week. Usually I drink between 1 to 1.5 bottles of scotch. Sometimes I drink beer or cask wine.
I just got back on the internet recently cause I have managed to hold a unit over the last year or so (only reason i haven't been evicted is cause my brother who is well of financially has spent thousands repairing various damage i have done to it drunk etc) but i kept selling off my possessions to get alcohol. I sold my computer for $50 to another tenant so I could pissed. Just bought a cheap one again on payday (i am on a disability pension).
But I think I have found a happy ending.
I have never been into stuff like AA. Its not my cup of tea because I am an atheist and totally against the seemingly religious type components. Although the group interaction does appeal to me.
I've been diagnosed before by various doctors with borderline personality disorder, also as a child I was diagnosed with ADHD. Most people consider me fairly hyperactive. I get a lot of anxiety and used to have bad panic attacks, but dont get them anymore (I really have no idea why they went away). Yeah I've been on the antidepressant bandwagon. I frequently struggle with feeling depressed and unmotivated, sad, like nothing interests me. Nothing. But the antidepressants have never done anything. They just dont "hit" the spot. Of course alcohol does, for a little while anyway before it turns into anarchy.
Anyway 6 weeks ago a doctor suggested I try naltrexone. I was quite skeptical because I though it probably doesn't do anything, its for blocking the opiod receptors. Probably does nothing in alcoholics, probably corrupt clinical trials sponsored by greedy pharmaceutical companies are the only reason it got on the market...
Well I have not had a single drink for 6 weeks. I have not even been trying. I have not "felt" like drinking at all. I have not craved alcohol in the slightest. Its only been 6 weeks but I feel like I have been "cured" of alcoholism. I hope it continues. I could almost never make a week before without drinking. The best I have done in the last year was 12 days. Now I have gone 6 weeks. I haven't had any counseling etc. In fact I know if the craving came, I would soon loose out against it and end up drinking. I'd probably not be able to get on here cause I'd pawn off my computer or smash my unit to pieces (as I have done various times when very intoxicated).
Well its looking good for me. I am really, really grateful. If people are interested I will keep an update here, and tell you people if I still haven't slipped up. I'll be honest.
I think ANYBODY who is an alcoholic who has NOT tried naltrexone MUST TRY IT. It works in about 20-30% of people to some degree according to the research.
Edit: Some interesting research (it wont let me link it), just came out in the last few days. A clinical trial of 80 methamphetamine addicted individuals showed that it also seems effect in amphetamine addicts. Some of my friends have struggled as chronic iv meth users.
I am a person who has battled with alcoholism since I was about 17 years of age. The first time I ever drank I got really high from alcohol. I remember wanting more and more. My friend who had drunk less woke up sick, I woke up feeling fine.
I have been in lots of trouble because of alcohol. I was homeless for a couple of years. I have been arrested probably around 30 times because of alcohol. I have (serious) scars all over my arms and legs cause I used to smash up bottles and cut myself.
I can remember throwing a stake at an incoming train, which was probably only 25 metres of so away from me. I can remember nearly drowning a river that surrounds a brewery (at the time I was trying to get to it, though I could get more alcohol).
I have been taken into hospital many dozens of times, detained on several occasions.
I have done some bad things when drunk, things i would NEVER do when sober. I'm considered to be polite and mild mannered when sober. When drunk I have smashed shop windows, smashed up cars, attacked police with knives, jumped on top of moving police cars etc. Of course I have woken up plenty of times covered in vomit and worst. In my worst period i had horrific hallucinations, the worst you could possibly imagine, they still scare me to this day. I always want more and more alcohol and i am a rapid drinker. It makes me really, really high at first. At its best i cant imagine ANY drug could make me possibly better. I feel clever, and able to handle everything- motivated, happy, excited, interested, relaxed, this "buzz" feeling. Sometimes when drunk I have stolen from bottleshops (something i would never normally do- i do not steal) to get more alcohol. WHen i was homeless in the city I you would find me passed out around various spots in the city. I used to get free food at homeless shelter, they were actually pretty good there. The doctor used to say i would end up dead if I didnt stop drinking, they would give me you know those vitamin injections.
I usually drink about 4-5 times a week. Usually I drink between 1 to 1.5 bottles of scotch. Sometimes I drink beer or cask wine.
I just got back on the internet recently cause I have managed to hold a unit over the last year or so (only reason i haven't been evicted is cause my brother who is well of financially has spent thousands repairing various damage i have done to it drunk etc) but i kept selling off my possessions to get alcohol. I sold my computer for $50 to another tenant so I could pissed. Just bought a cheap one again on payday (i am on a disability pension).
But I think I have found a happy ending.
I have never been into stuff like AA. Its not my cup of tea because I am an atheist and totally against the seemingly religious type components. Although the group interaction does appeal to me.
I've been diagnosed before by various doctors with borderline personality disorder, also as a child I was diagnosed with ADHD. Most people consider me fairly hyperactive. I get a lot of anxiety and used to have bad panic attacks, but dont get them anymore (I really have no idea why they went away). Yeah I've been on the antidepressant bandwagon. I frequently struggle with feeling depressed and unmotivated, sad, like nothing interests me. Nothing. But the antidepressants have never done anything. They just dont "hit" the spot. Of course alcohol does, for a little while anyway before it turns into anarchy.
Anyway 6 weeks ago a doctor suggested I try naltrexone. I was quite skeptical because I though it probably doesn't do anything, its for blocking the opiod receptors. Probably does nothing in alcoholics, probably corrupt clinical trials sponsored by greedy pharmaceutical companies are the only reason it got on the market...
Well I have not had a single drink for 6 weeks. I have not even been trying. I have not "felt" like drinking at all. I have not craved alcohol in the slightest. Its only been 6 weeks but I feel like I have been "cured" of alcoholism. I hope it continues. I could almost never make a week before without drinking. The best I have done in the last year was 12 days. Now I have gone 6 weeks. I haven't had any counseling etc. In fact I know if the craving came, I would soon loose out against it and end up drinking. I'd probably not be able to get on here cause I'd pawn off my computer or smash my unit to pieces (as I have done various times when very intoxicated).
Well its looking good for me. I am really, really grateful. If people are interested I will keep an update here, and tell you people if I still haven't slipped up. I'll be honest.
I think ANYBODY who is an alcoholic who has NOT tried naltrexone MUST TRY IT. It works in about 20-30% of people to some degree according to the research.
Edit: Some interesting research (it wont let me link it), just came out in the last few days. A clinical trial of 80 methamphetamine addicted individuals showed that it also seems effect in amphetamine addicts. Some of my friends have struggled as chronic iv meth users.
