Drug Rehab Options Blog

I have drafted the following letter to my EXAGF as an attempt to have her see what her addiction has done and is doing to her. I have no illusions that this will have any impact but I feel I must
1) acknowledge her addiction and
2) confront her on it.
I think this will give me the ability to move forward a bit.

As a note We never had this conversation. I can only think of two times when it "came up" and it was only discussed for minutes and brushed under the rug and we moved on. However, when it was "over" it ended real quick with little conversation, all that was ever said was we don't fit and its over.

I have a previous post which has more background so I will not post again. "Contact with my EXAGF" (will not let me post the link)

Is sending this letter even a good idea?

I've thought about sending a copy to her mother as well. Thoughts?

What do you think of the letter itself? I tried to put the "ball in her court" because it is and detach but... The "Ted" i refer to in the letter is a HS EXABF who last spring killed someone in a car accident while high and is waiting to go to prison (trial any day now and open and closed case sorry I know inocent until proven). "Ted" has been an addict since HS and has been in and out of rehab (never in recovery mode). Even after he killed someone he was arrested again for selling Vicos. So I guess I looking for shock factor.

All thoughts, feelings etc are welcome (be harsh its okay).
Thanks - Life
___________________________________________

Hey You & ?You?,
I hope your holidays were good and new years went well. I?m writing for one reason and one reason only, and that reason is ?YOU?. I know you?re thinking this is going to be some impassioned plea for you to return to my life but surprise, it?s not.

I am writing because we have never had a conversation (a real conversation) about this subject. I never had the courage to address this with you and even if I did it probably would have brought an end to our relationship even sooner. You can deny your problem, call me names, and hate me if you want, but save your energy you?re going to need it. Know I?m writing out of LOVE, RESPECT, and HOPE for YOU, from my heart. I would be half the man I am if I did not this write letter. As a father I hope someone would do this for "Life's Son" if he were in trouble.

I know the reason you ended this relationship was because of a disease called addiction. I?m not sure if this was your intended outcome or if I was merely a casualty but never the less what happened, happened. I believe at the beginning of our relationship you where a recreational user of pills and coke. I also think this has been a battle you have been wagging for some time. When you met ?the most special man to ever touch your life? you either stopped using or cut back quite a bit. This was proven by statements from your mother like ?Life, I have to say thank you for treating EXAGF so well, I have not seen her this happy in some time now.? Maybe it wasn?t me that was making you happy but being clean(er) was, but you where happy and could smile. You showed me how wonderful and loving a person EXAGF IS. As time went by you began to use more often all the while hiding this growing problem from me and becoming unhappy. Once you could no longer hide your habit from me the ?obstacle? to your ?happiness? needed to go. You gave up so much, so easily, for so little in return. Instead of throwing me out of your life you could have asked me for help. True love does not give up!! Sometimes all it takes is a little push and support from a loved one. You could have seen the meaning of true love which by the way equals true happiness!

It saddens me when such a beautiful person falls off track and is too proud to ask for help. This is not High School anymore; this is the real world with real consequences, just ask Ted what these substances have done to him. While you?re at it ask him what they have done for him. I can?t make you get help or snap my fingers and make your addiction go away, you have to want a better life for yourself and for the people who love you. Don?t think for a second that this disease is only affecting you because it is not, it is affecting every aspect of your life (friends, family, colleagues, clients; past, present and future). I guess the question you have to ask yourself ?Is this the life I want for myself?? Without HOPE and FAITH what do we have? When I meet you, you had a HOPE and FAITH wrist band maybe it?s time to dust it off?

True happiness is not found at the bottom of a bottle or in a little white powder. You have nothing to be ashamed of, this disease kills thousands and effects millions. It?s how we respond to the adversity that will define our lives. I?ve told you before and I will tell you again, that THE MOST SPECIAL MAN TO EVER TOUCH YOUR LIFE is NOT done touching your life. I pray for you on a daily basis and will continue to do so. If this is the only way I can ?touch? your life that?s okay. But know I am your biggest cheerleader and supporter for your recovery and the future that awaits you. If you need to call upon your biggest cheerleader; today, tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, because you?re ready to HELP YOURSELF but need support I will be here. I do not have all the answers but do know there is a better way! You were meant to live for so much more!

No Matter How Spoiled our Past May Be, our Future is Spotless!

With all that is good in this world &
all the Love in my Heart,

"Life"

I have a question for you seasoned veterans out there who have had some time sober/clean and have worked the steps and the AA/NA program.

I went into my first treatment center a little over two years ago for a prescription drug addiction (mostly Oxycontin), and I had it pounded into my addict mind that connecting with a female in rehab or even in the rooms of AA/NA is a terrible idea, that they never work, whatever. So I had some clean time after I left, went into relapse mode, stopped going to meetings, stopped calling my sponsor, and before I know it I'm snorting bags of heroin on an hourly basis. I recently checked myself in (I was discharged this morning after 21 days in), and about 6 days in a girl that caught my eye came. I'm 21 years old, and she's 25. We got to talking, we have a lot in common, she's an amazing person, and besides a little anxiety she doesn't have a lot of issues going on. She was in a car accident and was only supposed to do Vics for a little while and ended up getting hooked and started snorting Oxys. She never meant for it to happen, and it was her first rehab, and it being my second I did my best to give her hope and to pick up her spirits when she was down. I never intended on having feelings for someone I met in rehab, but it hit my like a ton of bricks. I know they say that this is just a sign that you're filling the void with a relationship as opposed to filling it with recovery... But even before she came back in I was calling my sponsor again, working my first step again and filling the void with all the right things. We're not even really talking about a relationship here, we're pretty close at this point and we spent a lot of time together. Well, she doesn't know when she's leaving, she may be leaving Wednesday or Friday, but it's up in the air.

I'm not gonna lie, the whole time before she came along I was planning on leaving against medical advice because unlike my first time through, there were a lot of drugs circulating the place and it seemed like everyone kept the staff in the dark until I brought it up. Call me a snitch or a narc, I really don't care... I'm protecting my recovery. But she came along and totally lifted my spirits, and as we became close I started to notice little things that I guess kind of leads me to believe that she has feelings for me, as I do for her. She's definitely into her recovery, and we both made it clear that it comes first. I attended two meetings today and in between I would call her when the payphones opened up, just to make sure she was holding up ok. Ask her how her day was, what they talked about, if she had any questions about anything... I've been through the rooms for a long while before (I've been addicted to Oxy since I was about 15-16 years old) and I have a lot of knowledge on self-acceptance (which she's struggling with), acceptance as a whole, having a Higher Power, etc etc so on and so forth.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm trying my absolute hardest not to get involved. I'm currently involved with someone that I know I'm going to have to drop because she's a heavy drinker and I can't be near that. As far as not getting involved with this girl, I see a huge possibility of it becoming more than a friendship since we live less than 10-15 minutes away from each other, we're going to all the same meetings, we have each other's numbers and everyone says just how cute we are and everything...

Who knows. Maybe I'm looking way too far into this, but I really need to ask...

Am I wrong for having some intense feelings for this girl, even though it's contrary to everything AA/NA teaches? Should I just stop calling her? I know I need to do what's best for my recovery, but at this point she's one of the few things I've been blessed with this time that is keeping my head above water this early in my recovery. Anyone help me out? I'm really struggling.

This holiday has been a downer for our family since 2001. My FIL was killed the day after Christmas in a one car accident. His birthday was the 24th of December.

The past few years with him being on this earth was not good for him, so I am thankful that he's out of his miserable life of hurting all the time.

He was an alcoholic of the worst kind. My husband his family thought that this man hung the moon, but with his death, reality has set in that he wasn't the saint that they all thought he was.

We miss him each and everyday. This time of the year my husband tends to make more meetings (which makes me happy). He concentrates on himself and today rather than the past.

I see my husband going down the same road with the pain that his dad did. Although mine has been in recovery for 4 years, I know it's a day by day process.

We have created new traditions to compensate. My husband and his mother hasn't spoken in 3 1/2 years. She was money hungry, we did things the right way (according to the contract he and his dad had) in respect of getting the business. It's just a shame that one of her grandchildren our eldest is a senior this year, accomplishing great success with his music. Her grandaughter (our youngest) is in FFA showing pigs of all things.

It's just a shame!

it's a long story...aren't they all :)

Monday, one month ago on the way to the VA hospital to find out the biopsy reports on my husband we were in a serious car accident. It is a freak accident that I am alive. Had it not pushed the entire dash in, I would have been killed.....however because the dash was pushed in the air bag hit me so hard in the chest it folded me over and I crumpled down.
The back seat was full and stacked with some very heavy dish and glassware that we had planned to drop off at the storage unit on our way home. All this went flying over my head and the entire passenger side front glass was shattered as was some very heavy glassware.

H refused treatment, at first I thought he had a concussion but then his behaviors became bizarre and several nurse friends here told me that they were symptoms of head trauma. He had tucked the part of the seat belt that goes over you chest under his arm and his head also hit the windshield hard enough to break it.

He came home one day very tired and in a very bad mood. He hit me. I don't know whether he really can remember it or not, but he was going into a rage.
Well, that was my one unbreakable agreement...if you hit me, I call the police...which I did. At the same time, I filled out paperwork for the judge so he would be released to the hospital for treatment.
The DR was unqualified.
I had also asked the State Attorney's office, believing he was unwell, for the deferrment program where he would have to attend anger management as well as mental health maybe and then if he did not get into trouble for a year it is dropped.

The day after my husband was released, he called saying he was just released and was leaving me and leaving town.

I remembered what he did last year and pretty well cleaned out the bank account. I knew how much I left in there for him.

I later learned that he had been released the day before and stayed at the motel nearest the bank....I just beat him to it.
Besides, he had been threatening suicide and I did not intend to leave enough in there for him to be able to purchase a hand gun.

When he phoned, I still offered to come pick him up, bring him here so he could get his medications and clothes. He refused. I told him I had money for him and we made an arrangement for a third party drop. I took $400.....then I learned about many lies and went back and took the money back and made sure I had a witness. I knew where he was going and would want for nothing, it would be like a vacation.....but I was in a bind.

Of course, he and his sister believe it was all a set-up on my part. That's nuts. She tried to finance the divorce last year...has always hated me and I don't care for her either. With reason.

I did not go to the arraignment, but the State Attorney came out guns loaded and asking for a variety of stiff penalties.
Probably the usual dance to get a plea agreement.
He insists on a trial and is super enraged at me now,....I had nothing to do with what happened in that courtroom, but I suspect he had an attitude.
He phoned me and asked if the call was being recorded and I told him no, that I had offers to borrow a recorder but declined, he then went off on such a rage that it violated his pre-trial agreement.
I emailed him that calls like that would have him in jail until trial.

What a mess he left for me!
Besides putting the rental back blue, frilly and clean....I had just carried the contents of his truck...longbed with a topper into the guest room, which turned it into one of those proverbial closets that you don't dare open.

I paid several bills, Monday the truck will get a new radiator and that is $312.
Then I have to have a stabilizer bar put on the travel trailer and brake lights.
As I plan to and must leave. Before Dec 1.

What I have left to do seems impossible.

Now, the SIL is trying to take control and provoke me. I cut that off.

But, dangit...all I am hearing from him is I want, I want.

I told him he could come get the heirlooms out of the travel trailer and he was okay with that unil I asked him if he was going to put the heater back where he had taken it out and then he refused.

But now I am being harassed about the heirlooms.

Tuesday is the anniversary of my son's death.

And don't even get me started on Thanksgiving! The suicide was on Thanksgiving that year.

He told the landlords he would come clear up and get his stuff and clean up...but that only sounds good on paper, as our things are all mixed together and I must sort them.

We had agreed to communicate through email...and I had sent him some helpful information to him and nothing in anger etc.

Now his sister says he has been advised to have no contact with me.
I wrote him and told him there was no NO Contact order and he knew that if there was it is not allowed to convey messages through third parties.

SIL is trying to provoke me about heirlooms, I finally emailed her that Danny and I had all ready reached agreements about that and maybe since he broke his promises, he thought I would but that is not true.
I then told her our conversations were finished.

Mainly I don't know how I am going to get this rental ready to show in the time I have left. And I have been depressed the last 3 days, but that is to be expected this time of year and add all the EXTRA.

I have been trying to sell some things but no luck so far. I am going to need additional monies.

But I have somewhere far away to go where I have prepaid rent and utilities with my best friend. But I will need to buy her a bus ticket and send her enough money for meals etc....because I can barely drive that big truck and have never towed anything before in my life.

And we can't afford for anything to go wrong on this one way trip.

Please pray for my daughter, she is physically fine, but she was in a car accident on Tuesday and she totalled her car. I have never been so scared in my whole entire life, talk about a reality check, holy carp. Please also pray for the other person in the accident, they were taken to the hospital for observation.

I pray that they are okay:(

I dont want my daughter to ever drive again, I am willing to take her back and forth to her college classes till she graduates. That is the mom in me!!! She just got her license a couple of months ago, although she started with drivers training when she was 15. She was not comfortable with driving and over the last 4 years really didnt like it or want to drive. But when she turned 19 she really had the desire, she just turned 19 at the end of June and got her license.

I couldnt imagine my life without her and I thank God that she is not hurt and that she was sitting next to me very shooken up and able to say I am sorry mom. I told her that nothing matters except the fact that you are able to tell me you are sorry, everthing else will work itself out, cause it has too. I havent been able to sleep at night the last two nights, I am worried sick about the other person and I dont know when or if I will know anything.

My son was sick for the last three days and has had me worried, then yesterday I get a call from my mom and my nephew broke his arm in two places at football practice.

This has not been a good week for me and I am not one to wish time away, but this week I want to be over.

:)
I'm not sure if this is where I write my first post?
Ummm, just want to say that I am so glad I have found this site, it's so reasuring knowing that I not alone out there.
I've been a heroin addict for about 11 years now. I went to NA meetings recently and it was great! Had me clean for 2 months - but my partner of 6 years died in a car accident a month ago and I have relapsed, badly.
Well, I am at a point now where my body isn't going to put up with the abuse for much longer and despite my pain, I do need to fight it - as I promised her.
I am hear for a little comfort is all, hope that's not silly of me.
Ummm so yeah, just wanted to say hi and ummmm, well anybody going through the same, add me as a pal :)
Take care all,
Damien x

Hi, my name is Michelle... I'm 41 and pregnant with a baby boy. I met Rob in Jan of this year. Something about him touched me. He was so wounded. I knew he wasn't someone I would date, but he was someone I thought I could help. I knew something wasn't right with him, but I couldn't put my finger on just how bad it was. I soon learned that Rob did coke... he lead me to believe it was a very "here or there" kinda thing.. I personally don't really believe in casual recreational drug use, but to each his own. I partied when I was younger, before I ever married and for sure not when I had children. I was in a very vulnerable place, with the demise of a 20 year marriage, my oldest son almost losing his life in a car accident, my company closing so I lost my job and just the sheer depression of the end of my family. I had just started a new job when I met Rob, and was miserable. I was living with my mom who is abusive in her own right. The setting was set. Enter Rob... my new friend.. someone I thought I could help... we went out a few times, was always fun, easy.. I liked the way he looked at me. I liked the way it felt when he hugged me, I thought I felt safe.. he is 6'5 i'm 5'1. However the more time I spent with him, the more I knew something was very wrong. We would talk for hours and hours and I ended up doing Coke with him a few times. I knew he was not some I could be around.. it wasn't good for me and I didn't want to go down that path. Well I ended up blowing a bunch of disks in my neck while I was at his house and had my neck fused from c2-c7. I had to stay with him because I lived 2 hours away and my neuro surgeon was there by him. I had alot of complications. He told my family he would take care of me. I was on alot of medications. I never stayed with him for more than a night. Here I am for 2 months. OMG the things I saw, the places he took me.. I was in shell shock, but he had me pretty much convinced I was seeing things. All the drug stuff I found which scared me to death. I really thought I had seen it all, I am forever humbled by this. I was very innocent to all that I saw. Well this can get very long so i will try to highlight it... he has been arrested 30+ times, no valid drivers license for 17 years, he is 37. Been doing coke for 16 years, sometimes up to 5 days a week or more. And it gets worse... it just keeps getting worse... during his volatile marriage, he did coke with his ex wife during her entire pregnancy, as well as smoking and drinking. This just blows me away. They were so toxic together. What that poor boy must have seen. Rob is paranoid when he does coke, I had never ever seen anything like that in my life... he said he wasn't always like that, just got worse over time, the longer he used. His life with her was nothing but drugs and drinking. He said that is the only thing they had in common.. and along comes me.. we are like night and day. I refuse to have any kind of life that he's had in the past. I don't fight, smoke, drink or do drugs. I drank alot over the past 2 years and knew, again, something wasn't good for me or my children. My kids never saw me have as much as a beer till 2 years ago. But I didn't like what my life was and how I acted. I don't understand his life the circle of so called friends. I don't understand how someone could take so much from me... my money, wrecked my car, the lies.. oh my god the lies!!! The things I found in his house that weren't meant for my eyes. He is so starved for love, it breaks my heart. He is a very sick man, and when I found out I was pregnant, I tried to help him... he hasn't used coke since mid May, I found out I was pregnant then. However, he has drank, always when I am away. He tries to blame me for that.. I told him kiss my butt.. I am not responsible for his sobriety. I moved in thinking it would make a difference but it really didn't.. he lost his motivation to work on himself. He thinks showing up at a therapists office 3 times in 4 months is being in therapy. Well last Thursday, playing detective as always, I checked the log on the computer and it was loaded with porn.. I vomited and cried... seems now we have to add that to the list of addictions. I left his house and came home... where I will stay... He calls me crying, says he will do anything... I told him I feel so violated.. so used.. so abused... how could he do this to me?! After everything I've done for him.... I am so heartbroken. Well last night he went to what he thought was his first AA meeting.. turned out it wasn't, what it was were a group of men who are in AA that get together to watch football at a local church. Tonight he will go to his first meeting.

He keeps saying how I've saved his life.. I told him he has about taken mine.

Can someone like this ever change? I do believe he wants to, but dear Lord, his wounds are so deep, and he's been a mess for so long. I spoke with a woman from na alon but there are no meetings for me in my county. Does al anon cover more than just drinking ? My therapist says he will never change. All I know is that I have a innocent baby inside of me, and I will no longer be abused by the father. He is a pathological liar

Sorry this is so long, I just can't stop crying...

I'm afraid what I say might encourage someone to pick up again, so I'm just giving a warning. If you're feeling a bit weak, maybe better not to read this.

I was sober and going to AA meetings for 7 years. I was really into AA and volunteered for 2 years at the AA phone service/help center in my town. I used to have drinking nightmares, waking in a cold sweat, before I realized it was just a dream, and I was still sober! I was a sobriety Nazi and even made my husband stop drinking. No booze in our house!

Won't bore you with why, but I started drinking again, about 8 years ago. And guess what! The sky didn't fall, my life didn't collapse.

Sober or not sober, I've never had a DUI or a car accident. I've never caused anyone harm by my drinking (though my family is worried about me). I'm self-employed, so my job isn't effected. I never get drunk, I just maintain a certain level by drinking all night (and sometimes start in the morning). My family considers it normal to have a sherry or 2 before lunch, and cocktails before dinner and wine with dinner. So I follow the family pattern and I know I'm an alchie. Problem is, my life is not unmanageable.

I've heard the term "functioning alcoholic", so I guess that's what I am. I've learned enough in rehab and in the rooms to teach this stuff. I know all the facts, like "this is a progressive illness". But so far, I seem to be maintaining at this level without any bad repercussions.

I read other people's stories, which only makes it worse for me cuz I think I'm not as bad as they are, so maybe I don't need to stop. I know this is denial.

All this being said, I've decided to check in to a rehab and try again. I have no health insurance so there goes $$$$. But I need help, cuz so far the denial is winning. My heart wants to stop drinking, but my head and my heart don't agree.

Thx for reading. Appreciate your thoughts.

I want to try and put this thought into words...

I couldn't count the times I drank and drove. I was so lucky I didn't kill or hurt someone. It was truly the grace of God..... I always thought about it as God protecting ME from harm. Really, the important thing was that God protected innocent people from ME harming them.

I don't deserve God's grace. I guess thats why it's grace. I'm thankful that God spared innocent people pain and suffering because of MY drinking problem. Nobody deserves to have a car accident because I drink and drive.
chip

Hi all. Hope every one is having as good of a Monday as possible.

Today has been sort of weird for me and I hope you won't judge me for what I am about to say. I have been emailing this guy. He is a family member of someone I work with and lives overseas. He is coming for a visit in about a month and wants to meet me. I have a feeling that he is interested in more than just "friends" but I don't think he is interested in more than something casual. He is very good looking and talking to him has made all this easier. I know, able to leap from one relationship to another, look up in the sky-it's a bird, it's a plane, no it's Rebound Man. LOL.

Thing is I got to thinking about the xah. We are still married and will be for a while from the looks of things. I don't think, in fact I know, that I am so not ready to sleep with someone else emotionally or psychologically, the pain is still to raw. I lost the battle. I lost him. I miss him. I miss what he could have been if he had given himself a chance. I fell in love with the possibility, not the reality? I miss what we could have been and what we once for a fleeting moment were.

I left him badly. I don't think he ever really believed me in the last couple of years when I said I wanted out, that it was getting to be too much. Something always came up once I made up my mind to leave. One time I was in a bad car accident, one day I came home and had every intention of telling him I was leaving when he met me in the garage saying his father had had a heart attack. He lost his job another time and I stayed not knowing it was because of the drinking.

When I left we were penniless and up to our ears in liquid debt. We had already lost everything that wasn't paid for. I begged him to get a part time job as his job does not pay overtime and I was already working almost sixty hours a week at my job. He told me that he couldn't because our cell phones had been cut off and no one could get a hold of him. I managed to get and keep jobs with no car, no phone and a small child, his response infuriated me. He was the man, he was supposed to take care of his family. I got angry at him about a month ago, the house smelled like a brewerey/commode and I wanted to get one of those plug in air freshener refills. He said we could not afford it but we had three twelve packs in the dang cart. For the first time in ten years I could not afford to buy my daughter school clothes, but he could buy beer.

Honestly, when I called the police that night it was not that he had hurt me but because I was afraid that he would. I told him the next day I wanted out, he said it wasn't so bad, we hadn't gotten into a serious fight. My first husband beat the living snot out of me, I fight back now and the AH has the scars to prove it. He has a thing about grabbing me by the neck, my nails are real and they grow fast, he has the scars to prove it. Think what you will but I will never allow another man to hurt me like that. If you think it is ok to grab, pull, yank or whatever you will get it back. I may be small but I will defend myself at all costs.

I wonder if he even thinks about me anymore. I honestly wonder if he even remembers what color my eyes are. Why did I fall so badly and deeply in love with some one who could not even remember which one of my two brothers had died? Why do I want to know he is thinking about me or that he is ok? He never worried if I was ok because he always knew I could and would take care of myself. Why did I let this happen to me and more importantly why did I let my daughter be exposed to this? Why can I not allow my self to mourn? I need to cry but I won't let myself and I think the reason I know the reason I am writing this is not so anyone else reads it but because I just need to feel again.

I don't know why but I miss him. I miss the way he looked at me. I miss the way he smiled at me.