Archive for the ‘Change Jar’ tag
I just walked away
My insane AD begged me for help. By the time she showed up today (with a guy pal who was a 'trick' and is now a 'friend'), all she wanted to do was get a ride from one of us back to Newark and "can you just give me $20 and i'll go to any rehab you want?" there was plenty of suicidal talk so I said i'd take her to a psych ER. She said, "Yes, but I want to go to the ER at UMDNJ "(A hospital in - yes you guess it - Newark!). I refused. she actually started grabbing loose change out of a change jar in my home. I told her to put it back or I would call the cops. She put it back. I offered to take her to a meeting, she said "Screw your NA meetings and your NA friends." She demanded a ride to Newark than gave a detailed rundown of what I would do for her next. I said, "You asked me for help. I'm offering it, on my terms, not yours." When she replied with an expletive, I threw her suitcase out the door and her after it (figuratively), got in the car and left to go to MY meeting. I neither screamed nor cried.
Later she called and said the rehab she had left last week refuses to take her back so she is calling other places. I said that was good, to let me know if she found a place and I'd let her know if I was available to take her.
My mom decided she would pay for treatment one more time.
I am so proud of myself. I was manipulation-proof. I think the reason is that I really finally believe that I am powerless and that its God's battle to win, not mine. If there is nothing I can do to make her get clean, then she can't manipulate me with promises to go into treatment if I only give her $,etc. I think she was really confused by me today.
My husband thinks all this talk of suicide and wanting to go into treament every other week only to walk out of treatment is about not wanting to live with her abusive BF anymore. I think its OK if it is, because its all part of the bottoming out and surrending process. She clearly is miserable with her life and that a good thing. What is even better is i am done with doing anything for her, including helping her go into treament, on HER terms. I will do only what I want to do for her, in my way and on my terms, and only if and when I feel like it!!
Later she called and said the rehab she had left last week refuses to take her back so she is calling other places. I said that was good, to let me know if she found a place and I'd let her know if I was available to take her.
My mom decided she would pay for treatment one more time.
I am so proud of myself. I was manipulation-proof. I think the reason is that I really finally believe that I am powerless and that its God's battle to win, not mine. If there is nothing I can do to make her get clean, then she can't manipulate me with promises to go into treatment if I only give her $,etc. I think she was really confused by me today.
My husband thinks all this talk of suicide and wanting to go into treament every other week only to walk out of treatment is about not wanting to live with her abusive BF anymore. I think its OK if it is, because its all part of the bottoming out and surrending process. She clearly is miserable with her life and that a good thing. What is even better is i am done with doing anything for her, including helping her go into treament, on HER terms. I will do only what I want to do for her, in my way and on my terms, and only if and when I feel like it!!
