Archive for the ‘Change Of Heart’ tag
Friday, September 5, 2008-The Language of Letting Go
Friday, September 5, 2008
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Step Ten
Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
--Step Ten of Al Anon
Once we have worked our way to this Step, we can maintain and increase our self-esteem by regularly working Step Ten.
This Step incorporates the process we have gone through in Steps Four through Nine. We do not work this Step to punish ourselves or to hold ourselves under a constantly critical and demeaning microscope. We do it to maintain self-esteem and harmony in our relationship with others and ourselves. We do it to stay on track.
When an issue or problem emerges and needs our attention, identify it and openly discuss it with at least one safe person and God. Accept it. Become willing to let go of it. Ask God to take it from us. Have a change of heart by the willingness to make whatever amend is called for - to do what is necessary to take care of ourselves. Take an appropriate action to resolve the matter. Then let go of the guilt and shame.
This is a simple formula for taking care of ourselves. This is how we change. This is how we become changed. This is the process for healing and health. This is the process for achieving self-responsibility and self esteem.
The next time we do something that bothers us, the next time we feel off track or off course, we don't have to waste our time or energy feeling ashamed. We can take a Tenth Step. Let the process happen. And move on with our life.
God, help me make this Step and other Steps a habitual way of responding to life and my issues. Help me know that I am free to live, to allow myself to fully experiment with and experience life. If I get off course, or if an issue arises that demands my attention, help me deal with it by using the Tenth Step.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the written permission of the publisher.
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Step Ten
Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
--Step Ten of Al Anon
Once we have worked our way to this Step, we can maintain and increase our self-esteem by regularly working Step Ten.
This Step incorporates the process we have gone through in Steps Four through Nine. We do not work this Step to punish ourselves or to hold ourselves under a constantly critical and demeaning microscope. We do it to maintain self-esteem and harmony in our relationship with others and ourselves. We do it to stay on track.
When an issue or problem emerges and needs our attention, identify it and openly discuss it with at least one safe person and God. Accept it. Become willing to let go of it. Ask God to take it from us. Have a change of heart by the willingness to make whatever amend is called for - to do what is necessary to take care of ourselves. Take an appropriate action to resolve the matter. Then let go of the guilt and shame.
This is a simple formula for taking care of ourselves. This is how we change. This is how we become changed. This is the process for healing and health. This is the process for achieving self-responsibility and self esteem.
The next time we do something that bothers us, the next time we feel off track or off course, we don't have to waste our time or energy feeling ashamed. We can take a Tenth Step. Let the process happen. And move on with our life.
God, help me make this Step and other Steps a habitual way of responding to life and my issues. Help me know that I am free to live, to allow myself to fully experiment with and experience life. If I get off course, or if an issue arises that demands my attention, help me deal with it by using the Tenth Step.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the written permission of the publisher.
Language of Letting Go - August 25 - Willing to Make Amends
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Willing to Make Amends
The Eighth Step is talking about a change of heart, a healing change.
This attitude can begin a great chain of repair and healing in our relationships with others and ourselves. It means we become willing to let go of our hard heartedness - one of the greatest blocks to our ability to give and receive love.
In the Eighth Step, we make a list of all people we have harmed, and we allow ourselves to experience a healing attitude toward them. It is an attitude of love.
We do not, in this Step, dash madly about and begin yelling, "Sorry!" We make our list, not to feel guilty, but to facilitate healing. Before we actually make amends or begin to consider appropriate amends, we allow ourselves to change our attitude. That is where healing begins - within us.
It can change the energy. It can change the dynamics. It can begin the process, before we ever open our mouths and say sorry.
It opens the door to love. It opens the door to the energy of love and healing. It enables us to release negative feelings and energy, and opens the door to positive feelings and energy.
That energy can be felt around the world, and it starts inside us.
How often have we, after we have been hurt, wished that the person would simply recognize our pain and say, "I'm sorry?" How often have we wished that the person would simply see us, hear us, and turn the energy of love our way? How often have we longed for at least a change of heart, a small dose of reconciliation, in relationships tainted by unfinished business and bad feelings? Often.
Others do too. It is no secret. The energy of healing begins with us. Our willingness to make amends may or may not benefit the other person; he or she may or may not be willing to put matters to rest.
But we become healed. We become capable of love.
Today, I will work on a change of heart if hard heartedness, defensiveness, guilt, or bitterness are present. I will become willing to let go of those feelings and have them replaced by the healing energy of love.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Willing to Make Amends
The Eighth Step is talking about a change of heart, a healing change.
This attitude can begin a great chain of repair and healing in our relationships with others and ourselves. It means we become willing to let go of our hard heartedness - one of the greatest blocks to our ability to give and receive love.
In the Eighth Step, we make a list of all people we have harmed, and we allow ourselves to experience a healing attitude toward them. It is an attitude of love.
We do not, in this Step, dash madly about and begin yelling, "Sorry!" We make our list, not to feel guilty, but to facilitate healing. Before we actually make amends or begin to consider appropriate amends, we allow ourselves to change our attitude. That is where healing begins - within us.
It can change the energy. It can change the dynamics. It can begin the process, before we ever open our mouths and say sorry.
It opens the door to love. It opens the door to the energy of love and healing. It enables us to release negative feelings and energy, and opens the door to positive feelings and energy.
That energy can be felt around the world, and it starts inside us.
How often have we, after we have been hurt, wished that the person would simply recognize our pain and say, "I'm sorry?" How often have we wished that the person would simply see us, hear us, and turn the energy of love our way? How often have we longed for at least a change of heart, a small dose of reconciliation, in relationships tainted by unfinished business and bad feelings? Often.
Others do too. It is no secret. The energy of healing begins with us. Our willingness to make amends may or may not benefit the other person; he or she may or may not be willing to put matters to rest.
But we become healed. We become capable of love.
Today, I will work on a change of heart if hard heartedness, defensiveness, guilt, or bitterness are present. I will become willing to let go of those feelings and have them replaced by the healing energy of love.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
need opinions please
So after all he said yesterday about telling his girlfriend that it isn't going to work, he apparently had a change of heart. He is going to stay with her. Ok what ever. I did tell him that he needs to tell me if he was "with" her before or after this last time we were together. He refused to answer me. I only wanted to know because I'm not one who is with just anyone and wasn't sure if I should be getting checked for anything if he is sleeping around. I feel I have the right to know, but he seems to think differently. Of course he had been drinking who knows how much during this discussion.
During the course of the conversation he also was telling me that over the last 6 years I have done nothing but make him feel like crap. Right now he claims he doesn't care if he lives or dies. I see this for the manipulation that it is. I know I have posted before about talking to our family doctor. While I understand what he says and does is his business and decisions, he will have every other weekend with the kids and various other visitation rights. I have already told the attorney drawing up our papers that I want the whole clause added about no drinking while caring for the kids. But I really want the doctors opinion on whether he feels he is stable enough to keep them. I have also told him that at any time if he feels that he needs me to come and get the kids I will do so. I don't know I'm just so worried about the kids.
During the course of the conversation he also was telling me that over the last 6 years I have done nothing but make him feel like crap. Right now he claims he doesn't care if he lives or dies. I see this for the manipulation that it is. I know I have posted before about talking to our family doctor. While I understand what he says and does is his business and decisions, he will have every other weekend with the kids and various other visitation rights. I have already told the attorney drawing up our papers that I want the whole clause added about no drinking while caring for the kids. But I really want the doctors opinion on whether he feels he is stable enough to keep them. I have also told him that at any time if he feels that he needs me to come and get the kids I will do so. I don't know I'm just so worried about the kids.
