Archive for the ‘Character Defects’ tag
I need to confess.
Very shortly after I made my first ever post on this forum, I drank again. The very same day, in fact. I had an overwhelming desire both to drink and to pay attention to why I wanted to do it... to find out if, in fact, I really wanted to do it anymore.
Like always, it took 3-4 beers for me to feel anything. I remember being halfway through my fourth beer and just starting to feel it and recalling one "test" I've read about. A normal drinker can have 1, 2, or 3 drinks a day everyday for 6 months and keep it under control. And an alcoholic cannot. I was acutely aware that I *needed* that fourth drink (and actually the rest of the case).
By the 6th or 8th beer, I was happy, euphoric, etc. You know what I'm talking about. I felt like I was perfect and that everyone should just listen to me. Now keep in mind that I was all alone... it didn't matter. I was delusional and so incredibly self-centered. And of course I kept drinking until I passed out.
I woke up later... I had a headache but nothing out of the ordinary. There was nothing unusual about that particular binge. But for some reason my hip was sore, so I ended up getting out of bed and coming downstairs to try to get comfortable on the couch. I watched a little TV, took some Advil, and the headed back to bed. And at the top of my stairs, it was suddenly very, very clear to me: I've been drinking because it was the only thing that made me feel "perfect." When I was drunk, I wasn't aware of my flaws and character defects. But the truth is, I'm imperfect. That's how God made me. I just got this image of all my defects as physical holes in my body that I was trying to fill up with alcohol so that no one -- not even me -- would have to see how defective I am. But at that moment I realized that if I just handed it all over to God, I could just let God's light shine through the holes of imperfection and I wouldn't have to care about being imperfect anymore.
In that moment, I really "got" the first three Steps. 1 - I saw how powerless I was. 2- Although I've never been really religious and for the past 4 years or so, I've been borderline atheist/pissed off at God, I realized that God was the absolute *only* thing that could work. 3 - And I realized that I just needed to hand over the reigns.
I'm really in awe still. It was such a clarifying moment... it just keeps sticking with me. I'm still incredibly overwhelmed by it all but it also feels really "real," too.
Like always, it took 3-4 beers for me to feel anything. I remember being halfway through my fourth beer and just starting to feel it and recalling one "test" I've read about. A normal drinker can have 1, 2, or 3 drinks a day everyday for 6 months and keep it under control. And an alcoholic cannot. I was acutely aware that I *needed* that fourth drink (and actually the rest of the case).
By the 6th or 8th beer, I was happy, euphoric, etc. You know what I'm talking about. I felt like I was perfect and that everyone should just listen to me. Now keep in mind that I was all alone... it didn't matter. I was delusional and so incredibly self-centered. And of course I kept drinking until I passed out.
I woke up later... I had a headache but nothing out of the ordinary. There was nothing unusual about that particular binge. But for some reason my hip was sore, so I ended up getting out of bed and coming downstairs to try to get comfortable on the couch. I watched a little TV, took some Advil, and the headed back to bed. And at the top of my stairs, it was suddenly very, very clear to me: I've been drinking because it was the only thing that made me feel "perfect." When I was drunk, I wasn't aware of my flaws and character defects. But the truth is, I'm imperfect. That's how God made me. I just got this image of all my defects as physical holes in my body that I was trying to fill up with alcohol so that no one -- not even me -- would have to see how defective I am. But at that moment I realized that if I just handed it all over to God, I could just let God's light shine through the holes of imperfection and I wouldn't have to care about being imperfect anymore.
In that moment, I really "got" the first three Steps. 1 - I saw how powerless I was. 2- Although I've never been really religious and for the past 4 years or so, I've been borderline atheist/pissed off at God, I realized that God was the absolute *only* thing that could work. 3 - And I realized that I just needed to hand over the reigns.
I'm really in awe still. It was such a clarifying moment... it just keeps sticking with me. I'm still incredibly overwhelmed by it all but it also feels really "real," too.
JFT December 8th - Calling A Defect A Defect
December 8
Sometimes our readiness to have our character defects removed depends on what we call them. If misnaming our defects makes them seem less ?defective,? we may be unable to see the damage they cause. And if they seem to be causing no harm, why would we ever ask our Higher Power to remove them from our lives?
Take ?people pleasing,? for example. Doesn?t really sound all that bad, does it? It just means we?re nice to people, right? Not quite. To put it bluntly, it means we?re dishonest and manipulative. We lie about our feelings, our beliefs, and our needs, trying to soothe others into compliance with our wishes.
Or perhaps we think we?re ?easygoing.? But does ?easygoing? mean we ignore our housework, avoid confrontations, and stay put in a comfortable rut? Then a better name for it would be ?laziness,? or ?procrastination,? or ?fear.?
Many of us have trouble identifying our character defects. If this is the case for us, we can talk with our sponsor or our NA friends. We clearly and honestly describe our behavior to them and ask for their help in identifying our defects. As time passes, we?ll become progressively better able to identify our own character defects, calling them by their true names.
Just for today: I will call my defects by their true names. If I have trouble doing this, I will ask my sponsor for help.
Copyright © 1991-2008 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved
Calling a defect a defect
?When we see how our defects exist in our lives and accept them, we can let go of them and get on with our new life.?
Basic Text, p. 35
????=????
Basic Text, p. 35
????=????
Sometimes our readiness to have our character defects removed depends on what we call them. If misnaming our defects makes them seem less ?defective,? we may be unable to see the damage they cause. And if they seem to be causing no harm, why would we ever ask our Higher Power to remove them from our lives?
Take ?people pleasing,? for example. Doesn?t really sound all that bad, does it? It just means we?re nice to people, right? Not quite. To put it bluntly, it means we?re dishonest and manipulative. We lie about our feelings, our beliefs, and our needs, trying to soothe others into compliance with our wishes.
Or perhaps we think we?re ?easygoing.? But does ?easygoing? mean we ignore our housework, avoid confrontations, and stay put in a comfortable rut? Then a better name for it would be ?laziness,? or ?procrastination,? or ?fear.?
Many of us have trouble identifying our character defects. If this is the case for us, we can talk with our sponsor or our NA friends. We clearly and honestly describe our behavior to them and ask for their help in identifying our defects. As time passes, we?ll become progressively better able to identify our own character defects, calling them by their true names.
????=????
Just for today: I will call my defects by their true names. If I have trouble doing this, I will ask my sponsor for help.
Copyright © 1991-2008 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved
Sacrifice
I saw this great speaker last night, and his topic was "Each step asks you to give something up, asks you to sacrifice something, what did you sacrifice to get sober.
The answers were amazing, it was one of the most clever topics I have ever heard.
So the "topic" is, "What did you sacrifice to get sober"
My initial thought was "nothing" hell I was "giving this crap away" what I did didn't work anymore and needed help.
My second thought was everything, I sacrificed all my favorite things in the whole world, things like Pride, lies, arrogance, stupidity, and truthfully I didn't "give" any of these away "willingly" they were all beaten from my "lifeless fingers" by me and my actions, all of these character defects are like boomerangs that come back and all but "cut me to ribbons".
The Big Book states "unless we actively seek humility we will be bludgeoned into it, for some of us this was a tedious process."
I'll take "tedious process" for 500 Alex
Today I really don't feel I "sacrifice" anything the program asks of me, I don't want that shyte anymore, it hurts, and it's harmful to me, I want it gone, the removal of "it" whatever "it" is may be a painful process because I have trouble "letting it go" but for me, it aint a sacrifice.
Newcomers and Oldtimers discussed things Like giving up the web of deceit and lies, giving up drinking of course, pride, pride and more pride, becoming sons, becoming daughters, wives, husbands,...it was an amazing meeting.
What did you sacrifice?
Discuss
The answers were amazing, it was one of the most clever topics I have ever heard.
So the "topic" is, "What did you sacrifice to get sober"
My initial thought was "nothing" hell I was "giving this crap away" what I did didn't work anymore and needed help.
My second thought was everything, I sacrificed all my favorite things in the whole world, things like Pride, lies, arrogance, stupidity, and truthfully I didn't "give" any of these away "willingly" they were all beaten from my "lifeless fingers" by me and my actions, all of these character defects are like boomerangs that come back and all but "cut me to ribbons".
The Big Book states "unless we actively seek humility we will be bludgeoned into it, for some of us this was a tedious process."
I'll take "tedious process" for 500 Alex
Today I really don't feel I "sacrifice" anything the program asks of me, I don't want that shyte anymore, it hurts, and it's harmful to me, I want it gone, the removal of "it" whatever "it" is may be a painful process because I have trouble "letting it go" but for me, it aint a sacrifice.
Newcomers and Oldtimers discussed things Like giving up the web of deceit and lies, giving up drinking of course, pride, pride and more pride, becoming sons, becoming daughters, wives, husbands,...it was an amazing meeting.
What did you sacrifice?
Discuss
Overcoming defects of character
I recently celebrated 3 yrs sober, and it felt good, but I am still unhappy that I suffer from certain character defects. I easily get a negative outlook on life and just wish for the instant feeling of good I got from booze/drugs. I have had a lot of extremes in life, more than other people in recovery I know. I did a lot of narcotics, got a lot of money without working for it early in life, and sex was the same. I don't like journeys, I just like destinations. I have difficulty in life not seeing it in these terms (black and white, all or nothing, sex/booze/money/status), and I often live my life just wanting to escape or find a means to escape. This makes me more selfish than I would like. I notice most people in general are very selfish.... most people in aa are still selfish to some degree, and the people who I see as less selfish are only selfless IF they think it will benefit them. I am like that, but more extreme. I feel like it will take a lifetime to undue the damage I did to myself (if it is possible). Getting sober and getting a job is easy, overcoming this stuff feels almost impossible. All I can manage to do is pray about it, do my readings, and try not to commit the selfish acts that have ruined me and my attitude/approach to life (or at least ones that are obvious to me). I am only now starting to accept myself a little more for who I am, so I am only beginning to accept others a little more too and want to be a part of their lives.
??????????????
Sometimes, I don't know were I stand! I'v been on and of drugs for yrs around the rooms 5 times. In and out of hospitals rehabs etc... Yah I can stay clean if I want too!! Or it seems that way!!
I struggle with even believing that im addicted. Because its so easy for me to get clean if i want too. The issue is staying clean. You see Ive had allot of stuff going on lately and you would think i would have picked up but actually i stopped using!!! honestly I feel comfortable with it.
I don't go to meetings They make me paranoid!!!!???? I know I have allot of character defects. I really don't think I can say that i'm powerless though because i'm choosing not to use and that's that, so how can i be powerless? I'm not using, not going to meetings, have no friends that use anymore and no money to even get any thing with. SO, I ask myself am I an addict, alcoholic and any other itc. you could add to the end of a word? So, back to my question what makes me powerless?
In the past i have gotten a few sponsors over the yrs yet never even came close to completing the first step with anything close to a dignified way!
I struggle with even believing that im addicted. Because its so easy for me to get clean if i want too. The issue is staying clean. You see Ive had allot of stuff going on lately and you would think i would have picked up but actually i stopped using!!! honestly I feel comfortable with it.
I don't go to meetings They make me paranoid!!!!???? I know I have allot of character defects. I really don't think I can say that i'm powerless though because i'm choosing not to use and that's that, so how can i be powerless? I'm not using, not going to meetings, have no friends that use anymore and no money to even get any thing with. SO, I ask myself am I an addict, alcoholic and any other itc. you could add to the end of a word? So, back to my question what makes me powerless?
In the past i have gotten a few sponsors over the yrs yet never even came close to completing the first step with anything close to a dignified way!
As I grow
I just wanted to share how this trully amazing site & program has helped me grow. And continues. First, I learned that I was, sometimes still am :) a controlling person with my own issues. I could see so clearly how someone else should live there life.
9 years later, I can still let my controlling nature interfere, I can still enable in ways that I don't realize until later. I can still react, too D*** fast.
But the great thing is that NOW, I realize these things!! I realize these things are MY character defects. And I realize that I am a work in progress...no I'll never graduate, but I will continue to grow & learn.
A lot went on yesterday, My AD entered rehab for 12 days, I was called by a friend of hers telling me that the AD's husband called and said he was moving on & out...and the list goes on. The person who called me, caught me so off guard that I literally went into panic mode. OMG how is this going to affect my AD, what about her things in the apt, her things, what about her baby, you know the drill...on & on it goes. I was shaking!!! Enter the "serenity prayer" (lots of times) and prayers in general. It took hours....but by the end of the day...I finally realized that all of her problems need to be in her HP hands, not mine. I was actually able to take a deep breath and come to terms with the fact that none of those things are up to me.
I also realized that maybe she needs to lose all of those things, because that's just what the stuff is (except of course the baby) just things. Wow, this was a big moment for me!!:c029:
So I just wanted to end by saying, it's a long road, and for some of us, takes a long time to "Let Go & Let God".
Even though I sometimes take a step or two backwards, you guys are always there.
Hugs & Prayers to all of you!
Chris
Today is a Good day!
9 years later, I can still let my controlling nature interfere, I can still enable in ways that I don't realize until later. I can still react, too D*** fast.
But the great thing is that NOW, I realize these things!! I realize these things are MY character defects. And I realize that I am a work in progress...no I'll never graduate, but I will continue to grow & learn.
A lot went on yesterday, My AD entered rehab for 12 days, I was called by a friend of hers telling me that the AD's husband called and said he was moving on & out...and the list goes on. The person who called me, caught me so off guard that I literally went into panic mode. OMG how is this going to affect my AD, what about her things in the apt, her things, what about her baby, you know the drill...on & on it goes. I was shaking!!! Enter the "serenity prayer" (lots of times) and prayers in general. It took hours....but by the end of the day...I finally realized that all of her problems need to be in her HP hands, not mine. I was actually able to take a deep breath and come to terms with the fact that none of those things are up to me.
I also realized that maybe she needs to lose all of those things, because that's just what the stuff is (except of course the baby) just things. Wow, this was a big moment for me!!:c029:
So I just wanted to end by saying, it's a long road, and for some of us, takes a long time to "Let Go & Let God".
Even though I sometimes take a step or two backwards, you guys are always there.
Hugs & Prayers to all of you!
Chris
Today is a Good day!
“Survivor” a - z
Not to steal Rusty Zipper's thunder...but, there's another new game in town.
It's called...
Survivor A-Z
with your host...
Likable Larry and his adorable assistant...Priscilla Perspicacious
Sure, we know all about the character defects/flaws...and, we know it's important to work on them. But, if we look beyond those shortcomings, surely we can find some positive character traits.
It really is O.K. to like ourselves! If there was nothing to like and worth saving, we wouldn't have come this far. And, when you think back to where we started on this recovery journey, we truly are SURVIVORS!
So, let's start the game...
If we were just getting to know each other,
what are some of the things about you,
that would make me want to hang out with you,
and get to know you better!?!
Everyone pick up a machete,
and cut through the tangled underbrush of ugly flaws
until you recognize a positive character trait!!!
Ah, hah! I didn't have to look too far...
I do believe I'm
Compassionate
It's called...
Survivor A-Z
with your host...
Likable Larry and his adorable assistant...Priscilla Perspicacious
Sure, we know all about the character defects/flaws...and, we know it's important to work on them. But, if we look beyond those shortcomings, surely we can find some positive character traits.
It really is O.K. to like ourselves! If there was nothing to like and worth saving, we wouldn't have come this far. And, when you think back to where we started on this recovery journey, we truly are SURVIVORS!
So, let's start the game...
If we were just getting to know each other,
what are some of the things about you,
that would make me want to hang out with you,
and get to know you better!?!
Everyone pick up a machete,
and cut through the tangled underbrush of ugly flaws
until you recognize a positive character trait!!!
Ah, hah! I didn't have to look too far...
I do believe I'm
Compassionate
Help me get past the problem and into the solution…
I started my recovery in AA 14 years ago. I started dating a wonderful woman in NA about two years ago and started going to NA meetings, Conferences and Unity Day with her. About a year before I started dating her I moved about 12 miles or so farther away from the 3 AA meetings I had been attending for years. I was also working 10 hour days which made it impossible for me to attend the weeknight meetings so far away. I kept going to my home group on Saturday. It took over two years for me to find a meeting close to my house. I didn't lose my recovery time but I did revert to old behavior and it almost cost me my job. I was also spending way too much money. I hit a spiritual bottom in September and feel as raw as I did 14 years ago.
I started working the steps from the NA Step working guide because it goes deeper than the way I had worked the steps in AA. I consider myself an addict because I have an addictive personality. If one of something is good, two must be better. I was obsessing on things and acted on impulse. I forgot many of the things I learned in recovery and became selfish and self centered. I bought things I didn't really need but thought I wanted. Then the economy crashed and reality set in. I haven't had so many regrets since I walked into the rooms 14 years ago. I know I can't do anything about the past and try not to go there. I have to move forward but it is really difficult.
If anyone reading this realizes that they are complacent regarding their recovery, I urge you to get back into action. Don't do what I did, slip away from meetings... stop running major decisions by my sponsor... pretty soon the old ways come back and those character defects that have been held at bay will snap back into place, ready to help you self-destruct.
To wake up one day and have the "What the $&#* have I done to my life" feeling again after 14 years was very traumatic. I forgot what I was and who I was. My disease kicked my @$$ once again.
Because of the economy I may end up losing the job, the car and the house but there is no one to blame but myself for putting myself in such a precarious situation. I can't be angry at my Higher Power. I can only try to get back on the path to recovery.
I'm really depressed over my current situation. I can't believe where I'm at in life. I sold my house in 2004, not because I really wanted too but because my neighbors were the neighbors from hell. I tried to see my part in the problem, tried to keep to myself, etc. Things turned into a legal battle and I decided I was going to have to move whether or not it was into a prison cell for taking matters into my own hands or moving to a new house. The housing prices were sky rocketing but I was able to get into a house. I should have gone back to being a renter and scaled down... banked the money and had a cushion to fall back on. Hindsight is 20/20. Now I'm leveraged to the hilt because I was blind to my actions.
I know I have no one to blame but myself...
It hurts to feel this much regret and sadness. Except for a few months right after I got clean, life has been a tremendous struggle for me. I just don't seem to know how to live life on life's terms. I can't commit suicide because of my spiritual or religious beliefs but I'm not too interested in living either. I've been struggling with the concept of a Higher Power... The bible talks about the only way to God is through Jesus while the program talks about a "loving God as we understand Him"....
I'm very very tired of living though.
Well, I've rambled on enough. Thanks for letting me vent. I'm going to try to get off my pity pot. I've been praying a lot... always have, even when I was blind to what I was doing to myself I gave thanks for the things I had, every morning and every night. In the morning I give thanks for another day of life, for a job to go to, for my health, for a place to rest my head at night. Lately though when I wake up which is early because I don't sleep well anymore, I think "oh @&#^, I have to face another day". I just don't know if I have it in me to start all over again in my mid 40's. So far I haven't wanted to use so that is a blessing. I'm having an extremely difficult time going from the "problem" to the "solution" (working a program of recovery)...
Can anyone relate?
Peace
I started working the steps from the NA Step working guide because it goes deeper than the way I had worked the steps in AA. I consider myself an addict because I have an addictive personality. If one of something is good, two must be better. I was obsessing on things and acted on impulse. I forgot many of the things I learned in recovery and became selfish and self centered. I bought things I didn't really need but thought I wanted. Then the economy crashed and reality set in. I haven't had so many regrets since I walked into the rooms 14 years ago. I know I can't do anything about the past and try not to go there. I have to move forward but it is really difficult.
If anyone reading this realizes that they are complacent regarding their recovery, I urge you to get back into action. Don't do what I did, slip away from meetings... stop running major decisions by my sponsor... pretty soon the old ways come back and those character defects that have been held at bay will snap back into place, ready to help you self-destruct.
To wake up one day and have the "What the $&#* have I done to my life" feeling again after 14 years was very traumatic. I forgot what I was and who I was. My disease kicked my @$$ once again.
Because of the economy I may end up losing the job, the car and the house but there is no one to blame but myself for putting myself in such a precarious situation. I can't be angry at my Higher Power. I can only try to get back on the path to recovery.
I'm really depressed over my current situation. I can't believe where I'm at in life. I sold my house in 2004, not because I really wanted too but because my neighbors were the neighbors from hell. I tried to see my part in the problem, tried to keep to myself, etc. Things turned into a legal battle and I decided I was going to have to move whether or not it was into a prison cell for taking matters into my own hands or moving to a new house. The housing prices were sky rocketing but I was able to get into a house. I should have gone back to being a renter and scaled down... banked the money and had a cushion to fall back on. Hindsight is 20/20. Now I'm leveraged to the hilt because I was blind to my actions.
I know I have no one to blame but myself...
It hurts to feel this much regret and sadness. Except for a few months right after I got clean, life has been a tremendous struggle for me. I just don't seem to know how to live life on life's terms. I can't commit suicide because of my spiritual or religious beliefs but I'm not too interested in living either. I've been struggling with the concept of a Higher Power... The bible talks about the only way to God is through Jesus while the program talks about a "loving God as we understand Him"....
I'm very very tired of living though.
Well, I've rambled on enough. Thanks for letting me vent. I'm going to try to get off my pity pot. I've been praying a lot... always have, even when I was blind to what I was doing to myself I gave thanks for the things I had, every morning and every night. In the morning I give thanks for another day of life, for a job to go to, for my health, for a place to rest my head at night. Lately though when I wake up which is early because I don't sleep well anymore, I think "oh @&#^, I have to face another day". I just don't know if I have it in me to start all over again in my mid 40's. So far I haven't wanted to use so that is a blessing. I'm having an extremely difficult time going from the "problem" to the "solution" (working a program of recovery)...
Can anyone relate?
Peace
Drunk at a meeting
No, not me.. lol. But I went to the meeting I finally connected with the best so far, again on wednesday, only to sit down next to a guy who was obviously intoxicated (other than the smell), talked the entire time, insulted others ("what do you mean you're 22 years sober? You still come to meetings? Can't you f^$&ing get a clue on how to do it yet?"), or the classic "what the f*#& are character defects".. of course the latter was quickly answered by some of the oldtimers in the group.. "ego.." "anger.." and finally the chairperson said.. "getting drunk all the time is the biggest one" lol.. Anyways, it was a beginners group, I was pretty uncomfortable about it being so newly sober, I can't imagine how the people in there with multiple years of sobriety felt, knowing this guy had just drank.
In your experience, is this typical? Intoxication at meetings? Tolerance of rude and interrupting behavior? I'll go again, for sure, but wow could that change the group!
Thoughts?
oh... :( and back on day 3. MY LAST DAY 3.... yes that means I had drank the day before the meeting.
I'm new to AA, and have only been to 3 meetings, I may post some more questions as I go, so please bear with me like you always do when I pop back in :) Happy Friday friends!
In your experience, is this typical? Intoxication at meetings? Tolerance of rude and interrupting behavior? I'll go again, for sure, but wow could that change the group!
Thoughts?
oh... :( and back on day 3. MY LAST DAY 3.... yes that means I had drank the day before the meeting.
I'm new to AA, and have only been to 3 meetings, I may post some more questions as I go, so please bear with me like you always do when I pop back in :) Happy Friday friends!
Tolerance
TOLERANCE
“I have learned silence from the talkative,
toleration from the intolerant, and kindness
from the unkind; yet, strange, I am ungrateful
to those teachers.”
Khalil Gibran
Two of my biggest character defects are arrogance and fear. I used to have a hard time tolerating people who are not like me. When I was driven by fear, anger, and shame, I believed they threatened my social position. A normal day for me was filled with frustration and anger at people I didnÂ’t like. Gossip was my language.
After I decided that I was truly powerless over my addiction and that my life had become really unmanageable, I surrendered. I started writing the suggested Step work and had a great awakening. In the 4th Step inventory, I came to the conclusion that I did not like “different people” because I was afraid to be like them. And what were they like? Just like me. I didn't like myself. That was one of the most revealing acknowledgements that were given to me. I have no reason to pick a fight anymore, nor discuss or judge any person. When I meet people I do not like, I know why.
One day at a time...
My greatest teachers are those who have shown me what I do not like or accept about myself. I understand that I would never have appreciated these lessons as precious gifts without the understanding, growth and tolerance within the 12 Step fellowship. Today I make a living amend by never judging or disliking any person. Every human being is a creature of God as I understand him, and who am I to judge?
~ Trine
“I have learned silence from the talkative,
toleration from the intolerant, and kindness
from the unkind; yet, strange, I am ungrateful
to those teachers.”
Khalil Gibran
Two of my biggest character defects are arrogance and fear. I used to have a hard time tolerating people who are not like me. When I was driven by fear, anger, and shame, I believed they threatened my social position. A normal day for me was filled with frustration and anger at people I didnÂ’t like. Gossip was my language.
After I decided that I was truly powerless over my addiction and that my life had become really unmanageable, I surrendered. I started writing the suggested Step work and had a great awakening. In the 4th Step inventory, I came to the conclusion that I did not like “different people” because I was afraid to be like them. And what were they like? Just like me. I didn't like myself. That was one of the most revealing acknowledgements that were given to me. I have no reason to pick a fight anymore, nor discuss or judge any person. When I meet people I do not like, I know why.
One day at a time...
My greatest teachers are those who have shown me what I do not like or accept about myself. I understand that I would never have appreciated these lessons as precious gifts without the understanding, growth and tolerance within the 12 Step fellowship. Today I make a living amend by never judging or disliking any person. Every human being is a creature of God as I understand him, and who am I to judge?
~ Trine
