Drug Rehab Options Blog

Well, I did it. Not sure how I got through this year. It was harder than the first I think. My hospital stay almost derailed everything. I got out and was about to give up. I kept clean and sober though, despite all the sadness, confusion and opportunity. I am visiting my grandma in hospice care this week. I was really hoping 2009 would start right, but it seems to be more of the same :(

I hope I can make it another year. Things haven't improved as much I had hoped 2 years ago, but it's nice to not worry about not having enough beer or wondering where I'd get some pills. I'm not as eratic as I used to be, which is nice. I guess it's been for the best.

For all those people out there wondering if they can dry out or kick the habit, if I can do you can too. It's not too late for you. I was high/drunk for 13 years straight and I did it. You can too!

Well, I don't really know what I'm doing or thinking about this entire situation. I thought I was doing so well in my program, getting my life on track.. To update: the last time I posted, I'd discovered that my addict fiancé (DOC crack) had stolen from me, so I tried to kick him out by dropping him off at Salvation Army but he refused to get out of the car. I decided to leave him...

But I'm still here, things have become so bad -- and yet I find myself now actually believing that *this* time he "really means it" and 2009 is "our year". My head knows this is total BS. I feel like I've been hypnotized or am having some kind of out-of-body experience: I can see myself doing/saying/thinking stuff, but am completely in shock at myself for thinking that anything will be different. "Nothing changes, if nothing changes"..

I know I'm a smart, logical woman but I did everything stupid in the past month: bought 1 drug test and it tested positive, and he actually had me convinced that it was the "paint fumes" that may have screwed up the test, so I went a bought a 2nd one, which tested positive (of course), and then believed him when he cried and said he would stop;; On Christmas, he bought me a 10,000-piece puzzle ($5) as my gift, after I'd seen work-checks for hundreds of dollars pass thru his hands for drugs in the past 2 weeks and him saying he was going to buying me something "precious";; and the day after Christmas he finally "came clean" because he wanted us to "start 2009 fresh" by finally admitting that 9-days prior he pawned my iPod -- and then had the nerve to get angry at *me* for being totally humiliated at waiting in line with him to buy back MY OWN iPOD!!

...And now he is telling me that he needs to payback his drug dealer $40 for some crack he bought "a couple months ago".. I'm so angry. I want to say, "Hey jerk, why don't you pay me pack for the PAWNSHOP ticket first!"

But the biggest question and confusion for me is: WHY AM I STILL HERE? I had such good intentions and initial follow-thru to walk out the door. WHY DO I PUT UP WITH THIS CRAP? Just when I muster all logic and strength to toss him out, I'm bedazzled by his BS, and am back to square-one. WHY DO I BELIEVE HIM? My head knows it's all lies, but my heart wants to live in complete denial of Reality. HOW CAN I NOT BELIEVE WHAT IS IN FRONT OF MY EYES?

I just need to vent. I feel like I'm brain-washed: I can see what I'm doing, but cannot believe it's me doing it. Why am I still on this Circus ride. Any feedback is welcome. Please tell me what's going on with me.. Similar experiences to share and resolutions?.. anything...?

:e136:

I finally took the first step to getting out of my marriage--but I did not go about it the right way.
I opened my own accounts and had my work check moved from our joint account to my new account. Today was the first paycheck that did not go into the account. I told AH I was doing this 2 weeks ago. He had written a check for our son's daycare and it got overdraft charges because there is no money in the account. He has consistently done this--writes checks when there is no money in the account. He thinks that if other checks have not cleared yet that there is still money there. . .thus digging us into an even deeper hole.
I have not posted lately--too overwhelmed. AH quit his job making 60K 3 years ago and is not employed making about a quarter of that but will not look for employment because he "is a musician"--not being an artist I guess I don't understand that there is a difference between being a musician and working as a musician (and not making any money because he won't do any other work).
I want to get a divorce but do not have the money for the retainer and don't have any way to get it but to save--which is why I opened my own account. As long as he has access to my paycheck I will never save a dime.
Also, as my name indicates we have 2 kids--both have something called attachment disorder and PTSD (they were adopted). AH is verbally mean to our older son and to me. When he is mad at other people he will not yell at them but at us. I have had it but feel stuck. I can't afford to move out yet and he won't go. Also, I have to be careful about divorce because the kids really need to stay with me. He had been getting high while taking care of our now 3 year old (who also has attachment disorder and PTSD)--anyway, I guess I am just venting because he just dumped on me--that I have made stupid career decisons. In this economy many of my "career decisions" were made for me as I have been moved from one dept.to another. I am just happy I have a job that pays well and has insurance. I don't like my job--but it is a job so I do it because I need money to raise our kids.
Our older son asked me 2 weeks ago if we were getting a divorce--so he knows things are not good.
How do you transition out of your house with 2 kids when you live with an irresponsible AH without causing the kids damage--or is that impossible?
Thanks.

I'm trying to face the fact that I cannot have - and don't want - a relationship with my only brother at this time. I'm not good for him - I'm a total co-dependent personality - and God knows he's not good for me. I'm close to a breakdown, and so is my elderly mother. We know we can't help him, but the alternative (his death) is so hard. Basically, I don't want to watch my brother die by inches. I don't want to be the one he "checks in with" to prove he's not drinking, because when he doesn't (like today), I go crazy worrying. I don't want to be the one, and I don't want my mother to be the one, that somebody calls when they find my brother in need of a trip to the emergency room or detox. I feel guilty about all of this; how can I turn my back on my own brother when he's struggling? How can I pawn off his problems on someone else? Isn't it OUR responsibility, as his kin, to deal with his stuff?

But the real kicker - what I feel most guilty about, and find it hardest to admit - is that I don't want a relationship with my brother when he's sober, either. I love him very much, but my relationship with him for the past 25 years has been entirely about pain, hurt, disappointment, fear, dread, hopelessness, whether he's been drinking or sober. And even when he's been sober for periods of time, he hasn't expressed much interest in having a relationship with us. We'd hear from him occasionally; he'd make promises to do stuff for us (e.g, mow the lawn) and not follow through, he'd say he was coming to a play I'm acting in, then not show, decline to come to family events or relatives' funerals, yada yada yada. My brother has always put himself first, apparently without feeling any guilt, so why can't I do the same?

One of my brother's counselors at his last treatment center said, "You are mourning the loss of a relationship you never had." It's true ... and it's not my fault ... so why do I feel like such a heel for wanting off this handcar to hell? And why do I continue to love someone who loves his drug more than his family or his life?

My AD, age 32, lives with us after we helped her escape from an abusive situation, so she could begin to rebuild her life. She has mental health issues, probably from PTSD, and is taking antipsychotics and is in counseling, although between her work schedule and counselor's rescheduling, she's not seen him much yet.

I am *sure* she's using, probably heroin. Her ex BF used to inject her with dilaudid to help the voices go away -- she says he hit her if she tried to resist. She's working and gives me some of her checks to keep for her. She's trying to find an apartment, although she doesn't make much. But she became friends with a guy who supposedly also moved here to start over, and I'm positive he uses.

She's quite personable sometimes -- like the woman she used to be before the traumas hit her -- but her pupils are tiny when she's like that. She also has been diagnosed with HepC (thanks to the ex) and explains her lack of interest in learning much about the disease as "denial" -- my thinking is "I'll say!"

We talk all around drugs. She walked out angrily once when I asked her to take a drug test, and came back three days later, a wreck from not taking meds. She hasn't been here long enough to really have made many friends. She's been told she can't use and live here. But there is not a smoking gun,...yet.

I believe it will take a big drama -- OD, getting picked up, or denial of treatment for HepC (and I'll bet she'll find some way to explain that) to get her to admit to using.

I'm working the program for me, trying very hard to focus on ME and my husband, instead of letting her problems rule my world. But I HATE that she's using here, which I'm nearly certain she is, although she is not keeping anything in her room, at least that is evident -- more likely in her car. I just would like to avoid a complete drama scene and let it play out as it will -- for I'm certain it eventually will --

So am I just stupid for not forcing the issue?

I am new to this site and could use some help and advice...My son has been dealing with drug and alcohol abuse for several years now (he is 19). I have always made excuses for him, tried to help him, really, just trying to find the thin line between being a good Mom and an enabler. I moved him out of state with me (along with a husband and 13 yr old brother) to give him a fresh start. Since then he has been in four rehabs. He just called me tonight to tell me he has been kicked out of the present one for using diet pills. In the beginning, I would run to him and comfort him when he relapsed, but the past few months I have resisted the urge and have let him find his own way. My ex husband signs the checks for rehab (guilt, alcoholic himself). I know he needs to be responsible for his own choices, so why does it upset me so much when he calls to tell me he has failed again. I also cannot talk to my husband, he feels like my son is worthless, habitual, and will never change, wants to write him off. I need help, I enabled my ex, I enabled my son, now I feel like I am enabling my present husband because he is making me feel wrong for wanting to help my son.

Before noon on a recent Thursday morning, Ruby Hebert was already having a rough day.

On the way into the south Wal-Mart, her mind set on buying antifreeze and her purse full of cash for Christmas shopping for the upcoming holidays, the 75-year-old had a brush with a large town car in the parking lot.

"I was walking, and he was making a turn. ... He didn't make a wide enough turn and he hit my leg," Ruby said.

And it hurt, she said, but not enough to knock her down, and definitely not enough to get all upset about, she told the man, who'd jumped out of his car and showered her with concern.

By the time the brief run-in in the parking lot was over, Ruby was the one calming him down, giving him a hug and reminding him that really, we all make mistakes.

"He looked at me and said 'Can I give you a hug?' and I said 'Sure.'"And then they hugged, two strangers in the middle of a Wal-Mart parking lot.

It wasn't the first time Ruby would hand out hugs that day. Ahead of her, things would get drastically worse before the kindness of a stranger would be the cause for thanksgiving.

She waved the man off and walked into the store to be greeted by the Wal-Mart greeter, Esther M. Keller, a friend of hers; the two had met while Ruby was shopping at the old Wal-Mart near Kirkwood Mall. They're both chatty, they admit; Ruby just likes getting to know people, and Esther, being a registered nurse, is always ready to talk.

After her chat, Ruby found her antifreeze and threw it into the cart with her purse, a neatly organized, compartment-heavy, black purse with a strap that's a little aged. Her entire life was neatly tucked inside:state identification, federal ID cards, credit cards and $2,500 cash for Christmas shopping. She'd run out of checks, Ruby said, so she withdrew cash to help with the holidays.

Ruby bought her antifreeze, pushed the cart up to cart corral next to her car, carefully put the antifreeze in and drove off to her next destination. When she parked the car, she reached over and patted the seat next to her, reaching for her purse, because that's where she always keeps it, right there where her hand can easily find it.

The seat was empty.

Panicked, she realized she'd left it in the shopping cart, outside in the parking lot. She drove as fast as she could -and as safely as possible, Ruby added -back to Wal-Mart, her mind reeling with the loss of her identification, her credit cards and the cash she was going to use to buy presents for her son and his two boys.

"Twenty-five hundred dollars is a lot of money, especially for a retiree,"she said.

She was frantic and sobbing when she got to Esther's station at the front of Wal-Mart. Pale and shaky, Esther noted. Esther was worried about her friend; Ruby has had heart trouble in the past, and Esther was concerned she was heading toward a heart attack again.

Call the police, Ruby said, in tears. I've lost my purse.

But a few minutes before, a woman in her mid-30s had handed Esther a purse, simply saying she'd found it and didn't know who it belonged to. The woman left, and Esther turned it over to her manager.

The manager brought the purse to Ruby, who immediately dug in to check the contents. The $2,500 was there.

"She was just so happy, and she just hugged me and hugged me,"Esther said. "Someone carrying that much money in a purse, I just chewed her out. I said 'Ruby, I could shake you.'"

Ruby hugged Esther, then hugged the manager who handed her the purse, and hugged Esther again.

"Tell me what else there is in the world if you can't hug people out of sheer kindness,"Ruby said.

Ruby moved to Bismarck from Steele after buying a house, but she's not from Steele. She's lived all over. She's originally from Michigan, where she worked in politics and helped campaign for John F. Kennedy, and helped put her husband, who was a state legislator, in the history books. But she'd last lived in Sacramento, Calif., working in real estate, before moving to North Dakota at the urging of a friend about eight years ago.

"It grows on you,"she said of North Dakota. "The people, the weather, just a multitude of things." She added honesty and friendliness to the list of qualities.

"Can you imagine that person, being so honest that they didn't look in my purse, they didn't do anything? She just picked it up and took it in. Anybody could've looked in there,"Ruby said, adding that she'd like to hear from the woman who returned it.

Her appreciation is indescribable, she said, and a story for the holidays, a reminder of the good stories that sometimes fall victim to the tough news making headlines every day.

"It's a good Christmas present for her,"Esther said.


It was in the North Dakota paper and i thought it was just a good feeling artical ... :ghug3

I have had a crazy week. The ex-abf stealing the car and me having to report it stolen. Then going to court to see what was going to happen with the checks he stole and forged. The car was returned. He has asked me to drop the charges...but I haven't yet. He begged for a few days to try and get into a detox (no insurance). I agreed to the few days, but now it's friday. There are no available beds for him. He wants to stay at my house because he has nowhere to go. I want him to leave. I wanted him to leave wednesday, but i gave him the 2 days he begged for. Now he's whining about nowhere to go. He even went to see his son and begged me to let him take him for the weekend. I want no part of this. I told him no. I have asked him nicely to leave. I even told him I will call the police if I have to and he will get locked up because he was ordered by the judge to stay away from me. I told him he made the choices to steal from his parents on sunday and he chose to steal the car and push me away from him and now he has to figure this out on his own. He thinks he has been doing good for himself except for this. (which is not true) But I don't want to deal with him anymore. I hate trying to figure out what is the truth and what is not. It's my turn to be selfish. Please pray for me.

Things seemed to have been rolling along pretty good I thought. Daughter clean for the last 41/2 months.
The other day I told her because of her debt with not only me but the world that I knew how much she wanted a cell phone but please to square herself away with the bank first so she could get her checking account back. She owes then about $800.00 still. I said this because if something happens to me you are dead in the water with no credit, no money, no checking account.

I guess I was talking and she just says yes I know. I asked that she just wait a few more checks. She acted like she knew it was important.
Yesterday she went to work to go get her check. She works nights at a hospital 3-11 pm. I mentioned it was a long trip why didn't she wait till she went to work tonight but no she wanted to go. She came back a few hours later and I said to her her BF called, with that she walked in the closet and said yes I know I called him on my new phone! My heart sank, I said I hope your kidding we just discussed this the other day. Attitude came on big time with her. You discussed it I wanted a phone it was only $200.00 there is money left for the bills and looked at me like I was stupid. ( I me4an she had this planned obviously)
I stated crying and got upset but what about my car your using, the oil, the handles you have broken all off, your checking account let alone everything else you owe. I am strapped because I (we) are paying off all my credit cards that you maxed up.She is paying them slowly thru me. What the F is wrong with your thinking.
Well she started screaming yelling cursing just like the old days and I lost it and told her she needed to get out and find her own way to work if that was how she was thinking.
It turned into an ugly thing and all she could say is how will I get to work. Her car had no insurance and we turned the plates over as she couldn't buy insurance and we were trying to pay other debts off before we got the car back.Stupid me for thinking I was helping. Anyway I told her to ask her friends that she had to call on her cell (one) and have him take her.
She called her sister screaming and ranting I threw her out because she got a phone and wasn't going to let her have my car to go to work. I was sitting there lisening to her rant like I am the bad guy. So I came in and said why don't you tell her that you have other obligations we discussed before you got a phone and you just just went out and did what you wanted and I suppose drugs will be next and I left.
I had a dr, appt, when I came home the guard told me she called a cab and left with a couple suitcases.She is off on the week ends so I think she is at her bf, some of her stuff is gone but not much just an anger pack of immediate things.
I have been hysterical with this. I mean she isn't 18, she is an adult woman acting like a kid to me.
I gave her a roof, my car, my love trying to help herhelp herself to get out of the mess she got herself into and pay me back and everyone else. She could never do it paying $800.00 rent someplace else now. I thought it was a fair exchange plus I needed physical help with being in a wheelchair still.
i can't sleep, I can't see straight with all this. I have sat here wondering how the hell anyone can be so selfish. Can a phone mean that much to her to anyone?:c004:
I don't see where she has been doing drugs,unless someone gives them to her free. But she hasn't been nasty or mean like when she did that till yesterday and I am not sure if she was just angry as hell which to me was way out of line for both of us over a phone? A F phone.
So here I am left holding the bag I can't carry. I just can't do it I can't believe this. I am going to lose everything
Thi s sounds so dumb over a phone. There are plenty of things I would love to buy myself like perfume or get my hair done or buy a new shirt. But I guess I know better. Dumb me.
Sorry this is so long I just don't know what to do now, I don't know what to expect and emotionally I can't handle all this.
Please understand when I say we were paying her bills, I mean she has been giving me money for them but before she was working I was paying on them to keep my credit. She was paying her way not like befor, just there is soooo much debt she made. Oh god I want to vanish from all this.

So A-exbf comes over Monday. We went out to lunch and he apoligized for all that he has done, and admitted he was taking advantage of me in certain ways. He has been at a homeless shelter in Boston and also on the street because sometimes the shelter is full. I tried to tell him he wasn't going to stay the night...but I caved. I can't handle the thought of him being homeless. I know it was his actions to put himself in that position. So now he's back and we are trying to work things out. I am getting on the rollercoaster for another ride...hopefully this time it will be smooth sailing but I know to prepare for a relapse at any time. He has court in 3 weeks and might face jail time and/or at least probation for forging my checks. Then maybe that might help him stay clean (I hope).