Archive for the ‘Chemo’ tag
A bad way to think or just reality?
My dad was recently diagnosed with cancer. The prognosis isn't good. He seems to be ok with it. still smoking and drinking and says it's too late to give up the vices. I kind of see his point.
He taught me from childhood that the world is a cruel place and that life is not fair. He was not wrong. It might be a bad way to raise a kid but It wasn't a lie. He also taught me about science and the beauty and brutality of nature. He brought home some tadpoles one night when I was about 9 or 10. he woke me up and told me to watch.
He opened the lid to the tank of salamanders that I kept in my room. He poured the tadpoles in and the salamanders began to devour them. Gulping them down whole. I started to cry and my mother yelled at him. He said "well how else is she gonna learn about life?"
My life has never been easy and my family has never been close. I love my dad and i know he loves me we just don't say it.
I feel that he is ok with this because he knows he won't have to hurt anymore. I really can't blame him for that. He is an alcoholic with the mind of a genius and a huge heart that he keeps locked away.
He saw his father dead at the dinner table when he was 13. He started down his road of self abuse then. There are no excuses. There is just reality. I don't blame my dad for not trying to fight the cancer. He isn't weak. He knows he did this to himself and he is not feeling sorry for himself. He is going through chemo and radiation and going through the motions. I don't think he expects to get better.
I think it's sad that all the years of therapy I've had were spent trying to teach me that what my dad taught me was wrong somehow
His view of life makes even more sense now than it ever did. Things are hard and they only get harder. I try so hard and I still can't get anywhere. I feel lost and unsafe all he time. I feel exposed like my skin has been peeled off.
He taught me those things because he didn't want me to hurt. It never stopped me from hurting. I don't blame my dad for anything.
I hope he doesn't suffer and linger like some do. I know my mom is in denial. I don't really need any advice or anything...I just wanted to write this and send it out to people who can probably understand.
Thanks
He taught me from childhood that the world is a cruel place and that life is not fair. He was not wrong. It might be a bad way to raise a kid but It wasn't a lie. He also taught me about science and the beauty and brutality of nature. He brought home some tadpoles one night when I was about 9 or 10. he woke me up and told me to watch.
He opened the lid to the tank of salamanders that I kept in my room. He poured the tadpoles in and the salamanders began to devour them. Gulping them down whole. I started to cry and my mother yelled at him. He said "well how else is she gonna learn about life?"
My life has never been easy and my family has never been close. I love my dad and i know he loves me we just don't say it.
I feel that he is ok with this because he knows he won't have to hurt anymore. I really can't blame him for that. He is an alcoholic with the mind of a genius and a huge heart that he keeps locked away.
He saw his father dead at the dinner table when he was 13. He started down his road of self abuse then. There are no excuses. There is just reality. I don't blame my dad for not trying to fight the cancer. He isn't weak. He knows he did this to himself and he is not feeling sorry for himself. He is going through chemo and radiation and going through the motions. I don't think he expects to get better.
I think it's sad that all the years of therapy I've had were spent trying to teach me that what my dad taught me was wrong somehow
His view of life makes even more sense now than it ever did. Things are hard and they only get harder. I try so hard and I still can't get anywhere. I feel lost and unsafe all he time. I feel exposed like my skin has been peeled off.
He taught me those things because he didn't want me to hurt. It never stopped me from hurting. I don't blame my dad for anything.
I hope he doesn't suffer and linger like some do. I know my mom is in denial. I don't really need any advice or anything...I just wanted to write this and send it out to people who can probably understand.
Thanks
it never rains but it pours
I've been waiting anxiously for a month to get my sister back into seeing the doctor/therapist she's had some success with in the past. She had a long history of irresponsible living and drug abuse that built up to 2 arrests within a month last December for faking prescriptions for percs and oxy. She made some progress in recovery for the first half of this year, but fell back into the old habits over the summer. All this time she's had a live-in bf (with previous alcohol problem) who's stood by her but whose patience is nearly at an end. And 2 weeks ago she found out she's pregnant. It all seemed ready to blow.
So Monday I go with her back to seeing the doctor. It'll be weekly visits from now on with me coming to all of them. They discuss both her treatments and what's in store if she keeps the baby (as she seems determined to do). I leave feeling hopeful that maybe her relapse can be turned around, the bf's fears eased, and maybe, just maybe, having a baby in all this won't be a total disaster.
Well. The next night at 3am I get a frantic call from her that the bf has come home drunk out his head and is trashing the place and screaming at her about all the the bad things she's done over the months. Cops take him away and now he's got to live in a different city with his mother who posted his bond. At the moment she's alone, except for me checking in and friends.
Then today we found our dad's chemo is no longer working and won't be continued. Not sure how much longer he's got, but whether he'll be around to see her baby born is in doubt.
All these things are connected. The BF's relapse in alcohol abuse by his frustrations with her, her fears over whether he'll stay and our dad's health making her own recover harder, the pregnancy thrown in which makes him feel trapped now, and her fears of being abandoned. One big knot to unravel!
While at times I've been sick with worry this week about where this is going and why it all hit at once, I'm hoping that maybe after the shocks are over, and time goes on some good could come of it. He's required to get alcoholism treatment now (and I know he will), she has continued to make her therapy appointments with me as the moral support, and knowing a baby is on the way and our dad's time could be short seems to be focusing her mind on staying clean for those reasons.
So Monday I go with her back to seeing the doctor. It'll be weekly visits from now on with me coming to all of them. They discuss both her treatments and what's in store if she keeps the baby (as she seems determined to do). I leave feeling hopeful that maybe her relapse can be turned around, the bf's fears eased, and maybe, just maybe, having a baby in all this won't be a total disaster.
Well. The next night at 3am I get a frantic call from her that the bf has come home drunk out his head and is trashing the place and screaming at her about all the the bad things she's done over the months. Cops take him away and now he's got to live in a different city with his mother who posted his bond. At the moment she's alone, except for me checking in and friends.
Then today we found our dad's chemo is no longer working and won't be continued. Not sure how much longer he's got, but whether he'll be around to see her baby born is in doubt.
All these things are connected. The BF's relapse in alcohol abuse by his frustrations with her, her fears over whether he'll stay and our dad's health making her own recover harder, the pregnancy thrown in which makes him feel trapped now, and her fears of being abandoned. One big knot to unravel!
While at times I've been sick with worry this week about where this is going and why it all hit at once, I'm hoping that maybe after the shocks are over, and time goes on some good could come of it. He's required to get alcoholism treatment now (and I know he will), she has continued to make her therapy appointments with me as the moral support, and knowing a baby is on the way and our dad's time could be short seems to be focusing her mind on staying clean for those reasons.
stressful week
My father-in-law passed away saturday (cancer). we were hoping the new chemo would work but it did not shrink the tumor and the chemo caused his white cell count to drop to the point of developing infection and sepsis...
At any rate, he was lucid and able to say his goodbuys to everyone - most importantly to his wife (my husband's mom) and express his wishes for his funeral, etc, just minutes before passing. He was a sweet, intelligent, highly talented man.
My cat Tally, our 17 year old tabby, was diagnosed with a brain tumor on Wednesday. She now has an impaired gait and an eye infection (caused by increased occular pressure, apparently, due to the tumor) - she is still eating, but is very weak, and I'm really sad about the whole situation.
I had lab work earilier this week that came back with a very high cholesterol level and a poorly functioning thyroid - both will be treated with medication (i see my doc again on Wednesday) but I feel powerless over the aging process (51). I quit smoking and jog 3 to 4 miles a day, watch my diet, etc, but i still couldn't prevent this stuff. Well poor me! I am also truly grateful that there ARE meds to take for these conditions.
I'm unable to get in touch with my AD (she's playing the not-returning-phone-calls game again, apparently). She was aware of her grandpa's illness and she did actually call my husban'ds mom and left "a lovely message" recently. So I am proud of her for that, given her crack-head lifestyle. But I would like to let her know that the man did die, and also that her cat is dying, in case she wants to visit with her one more time.
on top of all this, I was sick with a sinus/respiratory infection since monday and have been on antibiotics. (I feel much better now, but still going thru the tissues at an alarming rate!)
So again, poor me, and thanks' Y'all for letting me dump.
At any rate, he was lucid and able to say his goodbuys to everyone - most importantly to his wife (my husband's mom) and express his wishes for his funeral, etc, just minutes before passing. He was a sweet, intelligent, highly talented man.
My cat Tally, our 17 year old tabby, was diagnosed with a brain tumor on Wednesday. She now has an impaired gait and an eye infection (caused by increased occular pressure, apparently, due to the tumor) - she is still eating, but is very weak, and I'm really sad about the whole situation.
I had lab work earilier this week that came back with a very high cholesterol level and a poorly functioning thyroid - both will be treated with medication (i see my doc again on Wednesday) but I feel powerless over the aging process (51). I quit smoking and jog 3 to 4 miles a day, watch my diet, etc, but i still couldn't prevent this stuff. Well poor me! I am also truly grateful that there ARE meds to take for these conditions.
I'm unable to get in touch with my AD (she's playing the not-returning-phone-calls game again, apparently). She was aware of her grandpa's illness and she did actually call my husban'ds mom and left "a lovely message" recently. So I am proud of her for that, given her crack-head lifestyle. But I would like to let her know that the man did die, and also that her cat is dying, in case she wants to visit with her one more time.
on top of all this, I was sick with a sinus/respiratory infection since monday and have been on antibiotics. (I feel much better now, but still going thru the tissues at an alarming rate!)
So again, poor me, and thanks' Y'all for letting me dump.
Please Help Me Help My Dad
I am new to this site and fairly desperate for advice and answers. My father is an alcoholic and he has been struggling with his addiction for years. He first lost his vocal cords to this addiction in 1998 because of cancer. He recovered but several years later again began to drink. He has been in rehab, we've had him institutionalized, he at one point was going to AA but stopped long ago. A year ago he began drinking excessively again and he again was diagnosed with throat and mouth cancer, largely caused by his excessive drinking. He had a highly invasive surgery which removed most of his tongue to get rid of the cancer, and the surgery was a success, however because he was depressed because of his increased difficulty communicating he again began to drink heavily and the cancer came back again, the worse the cancer got the more he drank, the less he ate, and the more he helped the disease progress. Finally this past summer we got him into a program of chemo and radiation because he said he seriously wanted to try to make this work, so he went through the treatment and recently finished. The doctor said as far as he can tell it was fairly successful, but as always with cancer treatments there is always the danger of recurrence. Despite his promises to try to live a healthy life he is again drinking heavily and refusing to eat, he is too weak to do much, and keeps my mother up all night with his drunken rants. I recently moved at the end of the summer to take a job in another state, so my mother is left at home to deal with him. I don't know what to do. She wants to have him committed which I think is a good idea, but she doesn't know how to go about it or how to ask anyone. He is literally killing himself by drinking, and we don't know what to do. Please any advice or help would be sincerely appreciated. We've gone through all of these treatments and he's just throwing it all away again.
Thanks so much
KB
Thanks so much
KB
I liked this email - great message!!
Subject: SFGTD!
To: YOU
Date: TODAY
From: GOD
Subject: YOURSELF
Reference: LIFE
This is God. Today I will be handling All of your problems for you. I do Not need your help. So, have a nice day.
I love you.
P.S. And, remember...
If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do Not attempt to resolve it yourself! Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box. I will get to it in MY TIME. All situations will be resolved, but in My time, not yours.
Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold onto it by worrying about it. Instead, focus on all the wonderful things that are present in your life now.
If you find yourself stuck in traffic, don't despair. There are people in this world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege.
Should you have a bad day at work; think of the man who has been out of work for years.
Should you despair over a relationship gone bad; think of the person who has never known what it's like to love and be loved in return.
Should you grieve the passing of another weekend; think of the woman in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week to feed her children.
Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance; think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk.
Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror; think of the cancer patient in chemo who wishes she had hair to examine.
Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what is life all about, asking what is my purpose? Be thankful. There are those who didn't live long enough to get the opportunity.
Should you find yourself the victim of other people's bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities; remember, things could be worse. You could be one of them!
Should you decide to send this to a friend; Thank you. You may have touched their life in ways you will never know!
Now, you have a nice day.
God
God has seen you struggling,
God says it's over.
A blessing is coming your way.
:
To: YOU
Date: TODAY
From: GOD
Subject: YOURSELF
Reference: LIFE
This is God. Today I will be handling All of your problems for you. I do Not need your help. So, have a nice day.
I love you.
P.S. And, remember...
If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do Not attempt to resolve it yourself! Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box. I will get to it in MY TIME. All situations will be resolved, but in My time, not yours.
Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold onto it by worrying about it. Instead, focus on all the wonderful things that are present in your life now.
If you find yourself stuck in traffic, don't despair. There are people in this world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege.
Should you have a bad day at work; think of the man who has been out of work for years.
Should you despair over a relationship gone bad; think of the person who has never known what it's like to love and be loved in return.
Should you grieve the passing of another weekend; think of the woman in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week to feed her children.
Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance; think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk.
Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror; think of the cancer patient in chemo who wishes she had hair to examine.
Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what is life all about, asking what is my purpose? Be thankful. There are those who didn't live long enough to get the opportunity.
Should you find yourself the victim of other people's bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities; remember, things could be worse. You could be one of them!
Should you decide to send this to a friend; Thank you. You may have touched their life in ways you will never know!
Now, you have a nice day.
God
God has seen you struggling,
God says it's over.
A blessing is coming your way.
:
Becareful if you relapse! You may not make it back!
Hello! I just wanted to share 2 quick stories of people that kept playing "Russian rullet" with alcohol and finally lost.
First: My friend in treatment relapsed and ended up in the hospital and was just diagnosed with Hepatitis C and has to do 48 weeks of chemo and has severe liver cirrosis. She is only 23 years old!
Second: My husband's cousin was found dead 2 days ago in his apartment from drinking too much alcohol and not waking up. His heart stopped. He was only 22 years old!
Hopefully their stories will help us all stay sober today. I know they would want us to be OK.
First: My friend in treatment relapsed and ended up in the hospital and was just diagnosed with Hepatitis C and has to do 48 weeks of chemo and has severe liver cirrosis. She is only 23 years old!
Second: My husband's cousin was found dead 2 days ago in his apartment from drinking too much alcohol and not waking up. His heart stopped. He was only 22 years old!
Hopefully their stories will help us all stay sober today. I know they would want us to be OK.
