Archive for the ‘Child Divorce’ tag
Questions about being a child of an alcoholic
I'm hoping some of you can give me some insite as to what its like being a child of an alcoholic. I'm currently going through a divorce and have a son who is 6 and a daughter who is 2. My STBXAH sees the kids on a regular basis when I have school or when the kids stay at his parents. I have asked a few people about being a child of divorce. Some have told me that they felt anger at a parent for trying to keep them away from the alcoholic parent and some have said that they wish someone had intervened. I understand that none of you know my whole story, but how do I figure out the best way to support the kids? AH has a history of drinking while having the kids in his care, but I have no other proof other than what I have experienced of him or what my son tells me. Apparently a 6 year old is not big enough to testify where I live since he cant accrately tell how much AH drank. SO far my son hasnt really acted out but he has become quite clingy to me. If it were up to me I wouldnt even send the kids unless I knew for sure he was sober. I know I cant control AH's drinking, or what he does when they arent with me. I just want to know the best way to support the kids. I would appreciate any opinions or thoughts you could give me.
I feel so lost…
I am probably posting in the wrong place, I am very sorry.
My husband has a drinking problem. It's like this horrible cycle. He stays out until 11 or 12 and gets drunk; he stays home the next night, but doesn't move from the couch. This makes me angry, and I am not nice to him when he is home, so the next night he goes and gets drunk. And it repeats over and over and over. We used to party together. We used to talk. We used to have so much in common. Now we have a 3 year old, and I don't feel like I can have one drink at all without being a hypocrite. I don't have a problem with drinking. But I don't even want to drink because of what it is doing to my husband, my marriage, my self-confidence, my daughter, our future. I have told him that I feel neglected. He went and got drunk. I told him that we needed to talk; he went camping and got drunk, went to a football game and got drunk, etc. Am i making him drink? Am I making him choose alcohol over me and our daughter? I feel like this is my fault. All of it. Is our life so awful that he feels like he HAS to drink? I have tried to lay down some rules, but all that does it make him retaliatory. And then I get hurt more. He gets so mean. He took my cell phone, password protected the computer at home, he leaves with our only car seat. I used to be so strong and confident. My friends don't even call anymore because I can never keep our plans as I don't know if he is coming home or not, or how drunk he will be when he gets there. I feel so cheated, and well, just plain lost. How did I get here? It's like I woke up one morning, and I am "that" girl. How did this happen? I'm that girl that people feel sorry for, and I don't know how that happened. I am not financially able to leave, and being a child of divorce, I do not want that for my daughter. I just don't know how to get through to him. I don't know what I am supposed to do, and I certainly do not know how to fix this. I just don't know what to do... I know that I am not alone in the way that I feel, but I am alone in this marriage. I just want to be able to fix this so badly.
My husband has a drinking problem. It's like this horrible cycle. He stays out until 11 or 12 and gets drunk; he stays home the next night, but doesn't move from the couch. This makes me angry, and I am not nice to him when he is home, so the next night he goes and gets drunk. And it repeats over and over and over. We used to party together. We used to talk. We used to have so much in common. Now we have a 3 year old, and I don't feel like I can have one drink at all without being a hypocrite. I don't have a problem with drinking. But I don't even want to drink because of what it is doing to my husband, my marriage, my self-confidence, my daughter, our future. I have told him that I feel neglected. He went and got drunk. I told him that we needed to talk; he went camping and got drunk, went to a football game and got drunk, etc. Am i making him drink? Am I making him choose alcohol over me and our daughter? I feel like this is my fault. All of it. Is our life so awful that he feels like he HAS to drink? I have tried to lay down some rules, but all that does it make him retaliatory. And then I get hurt more. He gets so mean. He took my cell phone, password protected the computer at home, he leaves with our only car seat. I used to be so strong and confident. My friends don't even call anymore because I can never keep our plans as I don't know if he is coming home or not, or how drunk he will be when he gets there. I feel so cheated, and well, just plain lost. How did I get here? It's like I woke up one morning, and I am "that" girl. How did this happen? I'm that girl that people feel sorry for, and I don't know how that happened. I am not financially able to leave, and being a child of divorce, I do not want that for my daughter. I just don't know how to get through to him. I don't know what I am supposed to do, and I certainly do not know how to fix this. I just don't know what to do... I know that I am not alone in the way that I feel, but I am alone in this marriage. I just want to be able to fix this so badly.
