Archive for the ‘Child Support’ tag
I dont want my son here
I wish my AS never came home - i hate to admit it especially with the holidays but he does nothing but hurt. We've only had a couple of arguments but i feel like i'm walking on eggshells and the arguments are the same ones we have had for a year and a half.
He doesnt feel loved because i'm not all touchy feely with him - i dont have it in me to treat him like that. He as usual says i'm selfish and dont treat him like i love him. He says i work too much and i dont do anything to show i care about my kids. I do work too much but its because i get no child support. I telecommute and can work as much as i need to so i'm pretty much always working just to keep the bills paid. Its all I can do to keep the bills paid, buy the insulin, pay the doctor bills. He cannot see that one of the reasons i have to work so much is because he is an expensive child. When he goes through one of his "episodes" I will miss so much work running back and forth to court, hospitals, whatever that time takes and it takes a while to recoup. Not to mention that it costs a small fortune to feed a 16 yo boy.
I'm just hurt. i'm tired of being expected to sit around and never tell him how i feel. i'm a mom so i'm not allowed to make him feel bad by saying that he has hurt me. My life was so peaceful when it was just my daughter and me. It was wonderful and I was really starting to be happy for the first time in a long long time. Now its gone because he's here and when he's here the whole world has to focus on him and if you dont - you better watch out because he's going to punish you. I'm realizing that he just sucks the joy out of my life.
He doesnt feel loved because i'm not all touchy feely with him - i dont have it in me to treat him like that. He as usual says i'm selfish and dont treat him like i love him. He says i work too much and i dont do anything to show i care about my kids. I do work too much but its because i get no child support. I telecommute and can work as much as i need to so i'm pretty much always working just to keep the bills paid. Its all I can do to keep the bills paid, buy the insulin, pay the doctor bills. He cannot see that one of the reasons i have to work so much is because he is an expensive child. When he goes through one of his "episodes" I will miss so much work running back and forth to court, hospitals, whatever that time takes and it takes a while to recoup. Not to mention that it costs a small fortune to feed a 16 yo boy.
I'm just hurt. i'm tired of being expected to sit around and never tell him how i feel. i'm a mom so i'm not allowed to make him feel bad by saying that he has hurt me. My life was so peaceful when it was just my daughter and me. It was wonderful and I was really starting to be happy for the first time in a long long time. Now its gone because he's here and when he's here the whole world has to focus on him and if you dont - you better watch out because he's going to punish you. I'm realizing that he just sucks the joy out of my life.
A little more hopeful
My niece has been in the workhouse for about 3 months. I posted that when she first got there she was delusional (really!)
She seems to be doing a little better. So for any that are curious, it seems to have taken about 4 months total for the meth psychosis to abate.
I now understand why the psychiatist at the workhouse did not want to prescribe meds for a while.
So, she's got another 4-1/2 months. I'm hoping she'll be ready for rehab when her time is done. She is reading, going to bible study and has a mentor. She is more respectful and has stopped insisting that she didn't get justice.
The only downer from my perspective is that the nitwit druggy boyfriend is still in the picture, but I'm turning him over to my HP. He has no job, no money, no car, suspended licence, is being sued by his ex for child support and is about to be evicted, so I'm not too worried. He can't visit her often because he getting around on a bike (in MN winter!).
Thanks for all your support along the way. Happy Holidays to all!
She seems to be doing a little better. So for any that are curious, it seems to have taken about 4 months total for the meth psychosis to abate.
I now understand why the psychiatist at the workhouse did not want to prescribe meds for a while.
So, she's got another 4-1/2 months. I'm hoping she'll be ready for rehab when her time is done. She is reading, going to bible study and has a mentor. She is more respectful and has stopped insisting that she didn't get justice.
The only downer from my perspective is that the nitwit druggy boyfriend is still in the picture, but I'm turning him over to my HP. He has no job, no money, no car, suspended licence, is being sued by his ex for child support and is about to be evicted, so I'm not too worried. He can't visit her often because he getting around on a bike (in MN winter!).
Thanks for all your support along the way. Happy Holidays to all!
It’s all over…
but the crying and signing of the paperwork. I am almost divorced and single (wow...haven't said I was single since I was 16!). Today was a dreary and rainy day which pretty much suited my mood as I walked into the courtroom.
Of course since he's in jail we had to wait for him to be transported from the jail to the courthouse. During that time my lawyer and his lawyer (who he just got this week btw and who btw tried unsuccessfully to continue the case AGAIN) talked back and forth trying to reach an agreement we could all live with.
Nothing his lawyer came up with was unacceptable. They actually worked pretty well together. My lawyer let his lawyer listen to the tapes I had where he threatened to burn our house down. In those same tapes he pretty much called me every name in the book. Nothing like the sweet names he used to call me.
They reached an agreement right before the deputy brought him to the courtroom. His lawyer told him what they had come up with and he agreed to everything! Needless to say I was shocked! I was so worried we would have to sell our house but by the grace of God my son and I can stay here. The house will be MINE! I was so worried we wouldn't have a place to live. Everything was agreed upon from child support to visitation. It went so much smoother than I thought. THANK YOU GOD!
I did have to get up on the stand and answer a few simple questions...including why I felt I could no longer be married to this man I vowed to spend the rest of my life with. That was hard.
It was also hard to see him sitting there yet again in his jail "uniform". He hadn't shaved in a while and he looked exhausted. I would have never imagined that he would go from a police office to an inmate.
Before I left the courthouse (and I was trying to leave quickly), I hugged his mother and told her I loved her. I hadn't even seen her in over a year. I hugged his sister too and told her how much I wish for him to get better. I don't know what they think about me, but it really doesn't matter. I know I have always loved them like they were my biological family (even if I haven't always agreed with them).
Except for signing the papers I am about to start a new chapter in my life. For better or worse, it's all me now. And my son. If anyone had ever told me this would happen to me I would have laughed at them. But, here I am.
So, watch out world 'cause here I come.
:c015:
Sue
Of course since he's in jail we had to wait for him to be transported from the jail to the courthouse. During that time my lawyer and his lawyer (who he just got this week btw and who btw tried unsuccessfully to continue the case AGAIN) talked back and forth trying to reach an agreement we could all live with.
Nothing his lawyer came up with was unacceptable. They actually worked pretty well together. My lawyer let his lawyer listen to the tapes I had where he threatened to burn our house down. In those same tapes he pretty much called me every name in the book. Nothing like the sweet names he used to call me.
They reached an agreement right before the deputy brought him to the courtroom. His lawyer told him what they had come up with and he agreed to everything! Needless to say I was shocked! I was so worried we would have to sell our house but by the grace of God my son and I can stay here. The house will be MINE! I was so worried we wouldn't have a place to live. Everything was agreed upon from child support to visitation. It went so much smoother than I thought. THANK YOU GOD!
I did have to get up on the stand and answer a few simple questions...including why I felt I could no longer be married to this man I vowed to spend the rest of my life with. That was hard.
It was also hard to see him sitting there yet again in his jail "uniform". He hadn't shaved in a while and he looked exhausted. I would have never imagined that he would go from a police office to an inmate.
Before I left the courthouse (and I was trying to leave quickly), I hugged his mother and told her I loved her. I hadn't even seen her in over a year. I hugged his sister too and told her how much I wish for him to get better. I don't know what they think about me, but it really doesn't matter. I know I have always loved them like they were my biological family (even if I haven't always agreed with them).
Except for signing the papers I am about to start a new chapter in my life. For better or worse, it's all me now. And my son. If anyone had ever told me this would happen to me I would have laughed at them. But, here I am.
So, watch out world 'cause here I come.
:c015:
Sue
Unbelievable…
I can't believe the power of denial....
Short history - niece in jail for second time, boyfriend lost contact when he got his visits restricted and couldn't put money on his phone for my niece to call him. She was going nuts after about 8 days of no contact, wanted me to pay the phone bill, I refused.
So, yesterday I go visit her - she got a letter. Here's what I know from her report.
He has - no job, no license (suspended), no money (his unemployment is running out,) no home (he's getting evicted), and no car (it was impounded).
His ex wife is taking him to court for back child support (good for her) and suing for full custody of thier 8 year old daughter (he's 34)
He has spent as much as $1600 for phone calls in a month to talk with her, but his unemployment was only $1200 a month.
He supposedly has no felony record but can't find work.
Ok, even if we ignore the past drug use and all the lies he told her so far (he confessed to living a double life while he was married and other things she won't tell me), this isn't a very pretty picture.
And can you believe it, she was so happy that she got the letter that she drew a picture of them kissing with an angel flying overhead and a peace dove descending upon them - Oh brother!
I didn't say anything, I just listened and said - gee he's had a tough time of it, golly I can see why he can't be reached. All the time I want to scream - GET A CLUE!
And - she still thinks he's her knight in shining armor, that he'll get her felonies erased and get her out of the workhouse early.
And then she wonders why I think she's delusional and needs medication.
I read recently that two things were necessary for an addict to get better - one, they had to start to question thier own reasoning and two, they had to have someone they trust to help them figure out how to reason effectively.
My temptation is to write my niece a letter with just the facts and a few quesitons... like how does it sit with her that her boyfriend doesn't pay child support - just like her dad. And how is it that even she, with two huge felonies could find work and he can't.
I'm guessing it would fall on deaf ears.
Any thoughts????
Short history - niece in jail for second time, boyfriend lost contact when he got his visits restricted and couldn't put money on his phone for my niece to call him. She was going nuts after about 8 days of no contact, wanted me to pay the phone bill, I refused.
So, yesterday I go visit her - she got a letter. Here's what I know from her report.
He has - no job, no license (suspended), no money (his unemployment is running out,) no home (he's getting evicted), and no car (it was impounded).
His ex wife is taking him to court for back child support (good for her) and suing for full custody of thier 8 year old daughter (he's 34)
He has spent as much as $1600 for phone calls in a month to talk with her, but his unemployment was only $1200 a month.
He supposedly has no felony record but can't find work.
Ok, even if we ignore the past drug use and all the lies he told her so far (he confessed to living a double life while he was married and other things she won't tell me), this isn't a very pretty picture.
And can you believe it, she was so happy that she got the letter that she drew a picture of them kissing with an angel flying overhead and a peace dove descending upon them - Oh brother!
I didn't say anything, I just listened and said - gee he's had a tough time of it, golly I can see why he can't be reached. All the time I want to scream - GET A CLUE!
And - she still thinks he's her knight in shining armor, that he'll get her felonies erased and get her out of the workhouse early.
And then she wonders why I think she's delusional and needs medication.
I read recently that two things were necessary for an addict to get better - one, they had to start to question thier own reasoning and two, they had to have someone they trust to help them figure out how to reason effectively.
My temptation is to write my niece a letter with just the facts and a few quesitons... like how does it sit with her that her boyfriend doesn't pay child support - just like her dad. And how is it that even she, with two huge felonies could find work and he can't.
I'm guessing it would fall on deaf ears.
Any thoughts????
I post on the other board yesterday, AH admitted to trying to kill himself!!
He admitted to me on the phone that the day he was real messed up, got fired from him job and ultimately kicked out of our home that he had take 40 to 50 50mg demerol, I forget how many merergan fortis and klonopin. He said he was so ashamed of coming back here to me under the impression that he had clean for a year and then me finding out it was a big fat lie pushed him over the edge. He's surprised he's alive and so am I.
I didn't put him on my insurance for the upcoming year but reminded him he was still insured until the end of December and encouraged rehab. I told him that I would work as much extra at the hospital as I could (which is not much, with the economy the way it is people don't come to the hospital because they don't have insurance) that I would pay his child support and student loan until he got out. He sounded like he was going to go admitting he needed help. But, he said I have to think about it. Today, I texted him to see what he decided and he said no for many addict reasonings. I told him that I wished him well but that today would be the last time we speak again. I changed both of my telephone numbers (never went that far in the past 11 yrs). I also blocked him for my email. I have mixed feelings of relief and anger. He said , when I offered rehab and taking care of his bills " I wish you didn't love me so much". Not sure why he said that!!
I didn't put him on my insurance for the upcoming year but reminded him he was still insured until the end of December and encouraged rehab. I told him that I would work as much extra at the hospital as I could (which is not much, with the economy the way it is people don't come to the hospital because they don't have insurance) that I would pay his child support and student loan until he got out. He sounded like he was going to go admitting he needed help. But, he said I have to think about it. Today, I texted him to see what he decided and he said no for many addict reasonings. I told him that I wished him well but that today would be the last time we speak again. I changed both of my telephone numbers (never went that far in the past 11 yrs). I also blocked him for my email. I have mixed feelings of relief and anger. He said , when I offered rehab and taking care of his bills " I wish you didn't love me so much". Not sure why he said that!!
Opinions on a couple things please
I currently have a civil protection order against my ah. I went and got it because he was harassing me over the phone saying that I should expect a surprise visit in 30 minutes. He was also threatening to move back into the house. I know some of it doesnt sound serious. But he has an anger problem and is angry at me because we have a child support hearing comming up. He also has a history of using intimidation and is verbally abusive in front of other people and the kids. I'd like to think that he would never go any farther than what he has but I dont know.
Having said all that Im considering droping it because of the kids. I have made it clear that I will not tolerate him contacting us when he is drinking and he is not to be drinking when he has custody of the kids. But if I have the CPO then that means his mom and dad will be the ones to pick the kids up or drop them off. I wouldnt see him and his parents would never say anything about his drinking. I can always tell if he is drinking though and dont put it past him to take them to another beer party. So while I know that I would be putting myself back in an unpredictable situation, I would rather that than unknowingly send them to stay with a drunk dad.
The other thing is how do you help a child set up boundaries with an alcoholic parent. I want my son to know that his dad drinking while he is with him is not ok. He is 6 and he understands that his dad drinking is not a good thing. I dont want to alienate my son from his dad, but safety is a huge concern. My 2 year old will also be there as well. I am working to teach him my cell number so he can call if he needs anything too. I'm just not sure how to talk to him about the other stuff. I would appreciate any opinions. Thanks!
Having said all that Im considering droping it because of the kids. I have made it clear that I will not tolerate him contacting us when he is drinking and he is not to be drinking when he has custody of the kids. But if I have the CPO then that means his mom and dad will be the ones to pick the kids up or drop them off. I wouldnt see him and his parents would never say anything about his drinking. I can always tell if he is drinking though and dont put it past him to take them to another beer party. So while I know that I would be putting myself back in an unpredictable situation, I would rather that than unknowingly send them to stay with a drunk dad.
The other thing is how do you help a child set up boundaries with an alcoholic parent. I want my son to know that his dad drinking while he is with him is not ok. He is 6 and he understands that his dad drinking is not a good thing. I dont want to alienate my son from his dad, but safety is a huge concern. My 2 year old will also be there as well. I am working to teach him my cell number so he can call if he needs anything too. I'm just not sure how to talk to him about the other stuff. I would appreciate any opinions. Thanks!
food stamps, drugs & booze
So I just responded to a thread about crazy neighbors in another forum, but it really got me thinking & pretty angry. My neighbors don't have much money & 2 young kids, but they always seem to find money for things they want. Here's a quick brief. Like I already mentioned 2 young kids, husband has kids from previous relationship so he pays child support. She smokes pot every day after dropping her kids off at school & I think again after she picks them up. She pays about $5/each for any pain pills she can get her hands on. She takes her son's afternoon Rydalyn pill, so she can get a buzz. She regularly drinks as well, so does her husband. They both smoke at least a pack a day, but then run out of money about a week before payday. And here's the kicker. They collect food stamps because they don't make enough money to get by. Please tell me how that works. I've recently started working at a grocery store where I had a customer who used her food stamp card to buy groceries & BEER, then at the last minute added a couple packs of cigarettes. I know the food stamp card doesn't cover liquor & cigarettes, but seriously where are these people's morals??? How is it that they can take advantage of our tax money?? If you need food stamps to survive, then you shouldn't be able to buy drugs, cigs & booze while your kids suffer. Oh, and my husband was at a gas station the other day when a couple walked in with 4 YOUNG CHILDREN while the parents used the welfare check to buy cigs & booze. The cashier was disgusted by it, but she said there's nothing she can do. They ARE ALLOWED to use the money for it. Please someone explain this to me!!!
he thinks he can come home..
so A-exbf calls me from detox yesterday and says he is getting out on tuesday, but they haven't been able to place anyone into any programs or holdings because everything is full. He doesn't have insurance so he can't afford to pay for one. I asked him why he even called and he said he wanted to hear my voice cause he misses me. He said he was sorry (pretty much the same story I heard last time he was in detox) and I told him I have heard all that before. He said he was selfish and I agreed, especially since he was calling because HE wanted to hear my voice....I didn't want to hear his! I told him he was not allowed to come to my house, that I didn't trust him and I don't want him there and his response was that he would be living on the streets of Boston then...and my response was that it wasn't my problem anymore. I gave him his last chance about 2 months ago after detox and he continued to lie and use behind my back, not pay his child support for 3 weeks and got high instead and then ended up finding my checks and stealing from me again. I know he is going to show up at my door sometime on tuesday and beg to stay with me and threaten to kill himself or say he is going to be a junkie on the street because he has nothing left. I am praying I have the strength to say NO and stand my ground. His family has dis-owned him and I was his last resort last time, but not this time. I can't keep letting him back in, with him knowing that he can get away with it and then go to detox and keep coming back. I can't believe he though he could come home.
Please Pray - I’m Scared!!
Our Family Court Judge yesterday ordered supervised visits to continue, even after I filed that my husband has looked intoxicated/high at times, not knowing if it's his pills (prescribed) making him that way, abusing them, or other drugs. I stopped visits back on 8-3-08, when he didn't produce a copy of a drug test he said his Dr. surprisingly gave him. When I asked him about the test, he said it was good.
I asked if I could see it because I questioned his sobriety. He said yes he would show it to me, but never did show up with it. I gave him two weeks to show me. So I stopped visits.
Today he showed up in court with copies of some tests One looked like a drug store test. I saw the title said One Step Drug Test. I was shocked. I looked at my lawyer and said "this isn't a drug test!" He said "no it isn't." He had written 8-3 on it. The other one I don't know what it was, couldn't read it, but again it wasn't a Dr ordered lab test. Neither one was a lab, ordered by a Dr., with his name on it...nothing.
So we go back to court on Oct 27, while his medical records are checked. In the mean time, I have to supervise visits on Saturday, and I have to find someone to be here when he arrives to be a witness if he looks intoxicated/high or not. I actually feel like I need someone with me to supervise the visit. I don't trust him. I'm scared he's going to do something to hurt me, or son. I believe he would hurt me before he would our son. But now I have to be extra protective of us both. I was always worried about son, but now I'm worried about him hurting me after the dirty things he has done, the lies he's told...etc.
He doesn't like that I took him to court last year, I got custody of our son. He doesn't like that he has to have supervised visits. He doesn't like paying child support. I'm afraid he is going to hurt me, or lie on me, I think he's on a vengence mode, he's not the kind that would learn his lesson, and stay sober to see his son more.
Please pray that I can have someone here today, Saturday at 4:00pm when he arrives. Please God help, because I don't know who to ask.
There is also a Wed. visit, another guy supervises that visit, but he's only showed up 6 times since Dec. So I supervised those visits he didn't show up to. I was surprised today when the judge asked him again if he could supervise the Wed. visits. We'll see if he shows up.
I need all of your faithful prayers. These are scary trials I don't like, but I will remain honest, truthful, and steadfast.
Blessings,
NH7
I asked if I could see it because I questioned his sobriety. He said yes he would show it to me, but never did show up with it. I gave him two weeks to show me. So I stopped visits.
Today he showed up in court with copies of some tests One looked like a drug store test. I saw the title said One Step Drug Test. I was shocked. I looked at my lawyer and said "this isn't a drug test!" He said "no it isn't." He had written 8-3 on it. The other one I don't know what it was, couldn't read it, but again it wasn't a Dr ordered lab test. Neither one was a lab, ordered by a Dr., with his name on it...nothing.
So we go back to court on Oct 27, while his medical records are checked. In the mean time, I have to supervise visits on Saturday, and I have to find someone to be here when he arrives to be a witness if he looks intoxicated/high or not. I actually feel like I need someone with me to supervise the visit. I don't trust him. I'm scared he's going to do something to hurt me, or son. I believe he would hurt me before he would our son. But now I have to be extra protective of us both. I was always worried about son, but now I'm worried about him hurting me after the dirty things he has done, the lies he's told...etc.
He doesn't like that I took him to court last year, I got custody of our son. He doesn't like that he has to have supervised visits. He doesn't like paying child support. I'm afraid he is going to hurt me, or lie on me, I think he's on a vengence mode, he's not the kind that would learn his lesson, and stay sober to see his son more.
Please pray that I can have someone here today, Saturday at 4:00pm when he arrives. Please God help, because I don't know who to ask.
There is also a Wed. visit, another guy supervises that visit, but he's only showed up 6 times since Dec. So I supervised those visits he didn't show up to. I was surprised today when the judge asked him again if he could supervise the Wed. visits. We'll see if he shows up.
I need all of your faithful prayers. These are scary trials I don't like, but I will remain honest, truthful, and steadfast.
Blessings,
NH7
Why couldn’t he get sober here?
So after the second DUI and now me fighting him for custody and child support does AH get sober. Or supposedly sober.
He was drunk all weekend and most weeknights for months. Made everyones life a living hell. The DUI happens, I find out about the other woman and kick him out.
Now he seems sober as a judge. Now he is fighting me for joint custody of the baby and acts like life is great this way and how happy he is. Makes me really believe that maybe it was our relationship that led him to drink. Why couldn't he do that here and be the husband/father that we needed?
Why am I feeling so sad about this? All I ever wanted was for him to get sober and have a real family like we promised our kids and baby. Now he is sober, but just at his own place and fighting for the baby.
He was drunk all weekend and most weeknights for months. Made everyones life a living hell. The DUI happens, I find out about the other woman and kick him out.
Now he seems sober as a judge. Now he is fighting me for joint custody of the baby and acts like life is great this way and how happy he is. Makes me really believe that maybe it was our relationship that led him to drink. Why couldn't he do that here and be the husband/father that we needed?
Why am I feeling so sad about this? All I ever wanted was for him to get sober and have a real family like we promised our kids and baby. Now he is sober, but just at his own place and fighting for the baby.
