Archive for the ‘Cigarette Smoke’ tag
Heart attacks, pronouns and yoga
Heart attacks, doctors and hospitals
This month I celebrate four years since my first heart attack. For me that's a pretty big deal. I've had a total of eleven heart attacks, counting that first one. Been locked up in ICU seven times, not a fun place to visit.
You know the _worst_ part of being disabled? People who have no clue what they're talking about but give me advice anyway. I had this one doc who is _hugely_ overweight, stinks of cigarette smoke, and has high blood pressure so out of control he turns beet red just from standing up. He would tell me all about how I need to exercise more, eat less fat and not smoke. I almost wanted to pick up a burger just to show him.
I hooked up with this group from the American Heart Association, bunch of people with bad hearts just like mine. They have _never_ given me a single word of advice. They just listen quietly and then tell me how _they_ have overcome the same challenges in their life. When I hear somebody who's had _seven_ open heart surgeries tell me they exercise more, eat les fat and don't smoke I _listen_.
The 12 step programs call it a "policy of attraction, rather than promotion". I don't know about you guys, but when somebody gets in my face and tells me what I should do I get my codie shields up. Even more so when I am in emotional pain.
Every now and then I have a nightmare that I am dead. That hurts, scares the **** outta me. Last thing I need is some well intentioned know-it-all telling me what I should do about it. What does me the most good is a couple friends I have in that heart group who are also terminal like me, and who tell me how _they_ get over those nightmares.
They do yoga. I _hate_ yoga. I don't have the patience for it. But they do it, and they are happy, productive and joyful people. So I've been doing yoga. I still hate it, but I do it anyway. And it works.
When I first came to SoberRecovery I was in the middle of a real-life nightmare with my pill-addicted wife. I don't need to tell you guys what that feels like. You guys already know. I wanted to know how you people _survived_ this kind of nightmare. Some folks got in my face and told me what I should do. They sounded just like my wife, in my face, blaming me, making me feel unworthy. Most of you just quietly shared your own experience, strength and hope, so that I could pick and choose what I wanted to do in my own life.
I did what those good people did. And now my life is all fixed. I have a happy little condo, a good job, and a wonderful girlfriend with whom I am building a new relationship. Ok, so my health sucks, but otherwise my life is fabulous.
Whenever I read posts here on SR I count the pronouns. Every time somebody says "I did..." or "I learned ..." I pay attention. These are the people that are the strongest, and who have the happiest lives. Browse around the posts, you'll see what I mean. They stand out by their serenity and wisdom.
There's a whole lot of other people who are still in a lot of pain and anger. Those are the ones that are practically yelling in the way they write. They're telling the newbies what to do, how to do it and when to do it. I almost wonder if they're trying to verbally force the newbies into recovery from codpendency the way I used to try and verbally force my ex-wife into sobriety. I don't pay attention to the angry, hurt ones. They don't have in their lives what I want in mine. When I was new here at SR I would just skip right over their posts.
Whenever I write a post I count my pronouns. As long as I am sharing _my_ experience I know I'm not having a "codie-relapse". Whenver I see "you should.... " or "you ought to .... " I just delete what I wrote and move on to the next thread. That way I avoid sliding back into that place where all I ever did was tell other people how I would run their lives.
Mike :)
Moderator, SoberRecovery
This month I celebrate four years since my first heart attack. For me that's a pretty big deal. I've had a total of eleven heart attacks, counting that first one. Been locked up in ICU seven times, not a fun place to visit.
You know the _worst_ part of being disabled? People who have no clue what they're talking about but give me advice anyway. I had this one doc who is _hugely_ overweight, stinks of cigarette smoke, and has high blood pressure so out of control he turns beet red just from standing up. He would tell me all about how I need to exercise more, eat less fat and not smoke. I almost wanted to pick up a burger just to show him.
I hooked up with this group from the American Heart Association, bunch of people with bad hearts just like mine. They have _never_ given me a single word of advice. They just listen quietly and then tell me how _they_ have overcome the same challenges in their life. When I hear somebody who's had _seven_ open heart surgeries tell me they exercise more, eat les fat and don't smoke I _listen_.
The 12 step programs call it a "policy of attraction, rather than promotion". I don't know about you guys, but when somebody gets in my face and tells me what I should do I get my codie shields up. Even more so when I am in emotional pain.
Every now and then I have a nightmare that I am dead. That hurts, scares the **** outta me. Last thing I need is some well intentioned know-it-all telling me what I should do about it. What does me the most good is a couple friends I have in that heart group who are also terminal like me, and who tell me how _they_ get over those nightmares.
They do yoga. I _hate_ yoga. I don't have the patience for it. But they do it, and they are happy, productive and joyful people. So I've been doing yoga. I still hate it, but I do it anyway. And it works.
When I first came to SoberRecovery I was in the middle of a real-life nightmare with my pill-addicted wife. I don't need to tell you guys what that feels like. You guys already know. I wanted to know how you people _survived_ this kind of nightmare. Some folks got in my face and told me what I should do. They sounded just like my wife, in my face, blaming me, making me feel unworthy. Most of you just quietly shared your own experience, strength and hope, so that I could pick and choose what I wanted to do in my own life.
I did what those good people did. And now my life is all fixed. I have a happy little condo, a good job, and a wonderful girlfriend with whom I am building a new relationship. Ok, so my health sucks, but otherwise my life is fabulous.
Whenever I read posts here on SR I count the pronouns. Every time somebody says "I did..." or "I learned ..." I pay attention. These are the people that are the strongest, and who have the happiest lives. Browse around the posts, you'll see what I mean. They stand out by their serenity and wisdom.
There's a whole lot of other people who are still in a lot of pain and anger. Those are the ones that are practically yelling in the way they write. They're telling the newbies what to do, how to do it and when to do it. I almost wonder if they're trying to verbally force the newbies into recovery from codpendency the way I used to try and verbally force my ex-wife into sobriety. I don't pay attention to the angry, hurt ones. They don't have in their lives what I want in mine. When I was new here at SR I would just skip right over their posts.
Whenever I write a post I count my pronouns. As long as I am sharing _my_ experience I know I'm not having a "codie-relapse". Whenver I see "you should.... " or "you ought to .... " I just delete what I wrote and move on to the next thread. That way I avoid sliding back into that place where all I ever did was tell other people how I would run their lives.
Mike :)
Moderator, SoberRecovery
gosh I’m an idiot
So my AD came home from a naranon meeting tonight (almost 30 days clean!) reeking of cigarette smoke. So, this probably isn't a big deal at this point, but I came unglued.
I'm angry at myself and everytime I lose my temper at her right now I feel like I'm giving her a relapse. Gosh am I a codie or what!?!?
She's got bad asthma, and I couldn't even count the number of times I've taken her to the ER for asthma emergency treatment in her life. She doesn't smoke, but since she's hanging around after the meeting with the other naranon folks, she is now compelled to smoke with them. The last thing she needs is a new addiction!
Also, she and her 2 year old baby live with me. I work full time, pay all the bills, she pays me nothing, and has taken over one bedroom and the living room. My only refuge is my bedroom, since I have no more living room to relax in. I feel taken advantage of beyond description.
I know I need to just shut up and not interfere with her path. I just detest cigarettes and their smell so I cannot have that smell in my home.
Well, now I've vented here and I'm feeling a bit better. I need to let it all go now and trust that she's on her path to her recovery, no matter how many twists and turns are on that path.
Thanks for listening.
I'm angry at myself and everytime I lose my temper at her right now I feel like I'm giving her a relapse. Gosh am I a codie or what!?!?
She's got bad asthma, and I couldn't even count the number of times I've taken her to the ER for asthma emergency treatment in her life. She doesn't smoke, but since she's hanging around after the meeting with the other naranon folks, she is now compelled to smoke with them. The last thing she needs is a new addiction!
Also, she and her 2 year old baby live with me. I work full time, pay all the bills, she pays me nothing, and has taken over one bedroom and the living room. My only refuge is my bedroom, since I have no more living room to relax in. I feel taken advantage of beyond description.
I know I need to just shut up and not interfere with her path. I just detest cigarettes and their smell so I cannot have that smell in my home.
Well, now I've vented here and I'm feeling a bit better. I need to let it all go now and trust that she's on her path to her recovery, no matter how many twists and turns are on that path.
Thanks for listening.
