Archive for the ‘Cinema’ tag
How to help an undecisive addict?
The title may sound a little confusing.
I don't post on here very often but i do read peoples posts on here every single day if i can.
I said before my ABF has an alcohol/coke problem. Is in the music business so seems to be surrounded by it.
Well lately i've noticed the past few weeks he's been trying his best to cut down. Even though i don't believe it's possible for anyone to 'cut down'.
He hasn't told me as such that it's what he was trying to do, but he couldn't afford to go out using and drinking, so he'd stay at home. And to stop him getting bored (which happens easily with him) i take him to the cinema and to visit family and rent movies etc.
He seems absolutely fine when he can't afford to do it, and stays at home and doesn't touch a drop of alchohol or coke.
His roommate came home late one night (another musician) and was very very drunk. I made a comment about how bad he looked to my abf. He smiled and me and nodded and said rather pleased with himself 'Exactly. That's why i don't go out and party every night like he does'.
As if that made it OK to binge every 4 or 5 days?? i don't think so.
It seems almost like he is trying to justify his behaviour by comparing it to guys who use more than he does. So it doesn't seem so bad.
I've noticed when he does go out and use (usually when there's a group out together) he will continue even after everyone has gone home to bed. He will go home to his room and keep drinking and snorting coke until there's none left or he's out of money. Calling people on his phone to ramble at them.
This lasts through the night and the following day and eventually he sleeps. But he's gettin more angry at himself when he does this and i'm hoping it might start making him realise this stuff doesn't help him in any shape or form.
One minute he's on about not wanting to be involved anymore and he's had enough, the next minute he is back out with his friends and saying it's not so bad cause it's not everynight.
I do my best to encourage him when he's tellin me he doesn't like it anymore etc. And i ignore him when he does the opposite. I will always stick to my principles and refuse to see him when i know he's going out. Or with friends. I have better things to do.
He's looking for work now to help him with his rent. But won't work more than 3 days per week.
I've noticed he isn't as bad as he used to be (he used to use a lot more than he does now) but he is still no where near to being in a 'normal' life.
Not sure how to help someone who changes their mind so often.
Sorry for the vent but it helps sometimes.
I'm lookin after myself and not stressing so much. I let him get on with it. I find this helps me with my worrying about him so much.
~Limiya~
I don't post on here very often but i do read peoples posts on here every single day if i can.
I said before my ABF has an alcohol/coke problem. Is in the music business so seems to be surrounded by it.
Well lately i've noticed the past few weeks he's been trying his best to cut down. Even though i don't believe it's possible for anyone to 'cut down'.
He hasn't told me as such that it's what he was trying to do, but he couldn't afford to go out using and drinking, so he'd stay at home. And to stop him getting bored (which happens easily with him) i take him to the cinema and to visit family and rent movies etc.
He seems absolutely fine when he can't afford to do it, and stays at home and doesn't touch a drop of alchohol or coke.
His roommate came home late one night (another musician) and was very very drunk. I made a comment about how bad he looked to my abf. He smiled and me and nodded and said rather pleased with himself 'Exactly. That's why i don't go out and party every night like he does'.
As if that made it OK to binge every 4 or 5 days?? i don't think so.
It seems almost like he is trying to justify his behaviour by comparing it to guys who use more than he does. So it doesn't seem so bad.
I've noticed when he does go out and use (usually when there's a group out together) he will continue even after everyone has gone home to bed. He will go home to his room and keep drinking and snorting coke until there's none left or he's out of money. Calling people on his phone to ramble at them.
This lasts through the night and the following day and eventually he sleeps. But he's gettin more angry at himself when he does this and i'm hoping it might start making him realise this stuff doesn't help him in any shape or form.
One minute he's on about not wanting to be involved anymore and he's had enough, the next minute he is back out with his friends and saying it's not so bad cause it's not everynight.
I do my best to encourage him when he's tellin me he doesn't like it anymore etc. And i ignore him when he does the opposite. I will always stick to my principles and refuse to see him when i know he's going out. Or with friends. I have better things to do.
He's looking for work now to help him with his rent. But won't work more than 3 days per week.
I've noticed he isn't as bad as he used to be (he used to use a lot more than he does now) but he is still no where near to being in a 'normal' life.
Not sure how to help someone who changes their mind so often.
Sorry for the vent but it helps sometimes.
I'm lookin after myself and not stressing so much. I let him get on with it. I find this helps me with my worrying about him so much.
~Limiya~
Fun Summer!
Hi everyone,
This time last year, I was sooo lost within myself. I had still yet to find SR. Still living with my abf, in court fighting a repossession order on my house, trying to find help to manage what seemed like an endlessly increasing pile of debts I couldn't keep up with. My home life was in turmoil; facing daily tirades of verbal and emotional abuse from the abf, never knowing what was coming next, whether I was coming or going, lots of sleepless nights, time off work, crying etc etc.
It's great to have come so far.
The difference in how I am living easily now compared to how I was practically going hungry from no food in the house and getting a bag of bits from my mum to tide me over, walking to work, having no electricity for a few days until I got my weekly money through... it brings it all home to me just how much abf would squander my money on his alcohol (I say MY money because he did not work for the last 6 months we were together and that was when things were so bad).
I always believed him when he would say his friends had brought him his beer, or that he had 'lost' money, I was so gullible and willing to stay stuck in denial, it amazes me looking back.
I have had the best summer in years! Without my abf around, this year I have had money - wow, and thus been able to treat my daughter and I to some good days out.
I have really tried to focus on giving my daughter some good quality fun time this summer, she commented just the other day that she usually gets bored toward the middle of the break, but not this year.
Jennie, my daughter, and I have been to two different fun fairs, the beach, the Dr Who? museum, the Sea life Centre, the water park, the zoo and the cinema. I even managed to take her out shopping for clothes and accessories on top of getting her new uniform for school. It is amazing how I now feel I have so much spare cash. I am even managing to save from week to week.
I feel so much more free and fun. I have my motivation back too, on a healthier diet and I've took up roller blades, Jennie and I went to the park yesterday with out dog and had a skate around. My leg muscles were tender but it was so much fun!
I don't for one second regret telling him to go now, I should've done it sooner!!
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
This time last year, I was sooo lost within myself. I had still yet to find SR. Still living with my abf, in court fighting a repossession order on my house, trying to find help to manage what seemed like an endlessly increasing pile of debts I couldn't keep up with. My home life was in turmoil; facing daily tirades of verbal and emotional abuse from the abf, never knowing what was coming next, whether I was coming or going, lots of sleepless nights, time off work, crying etc etc.
It's great to have come so far.
The difference in how I am living easily now compared to how I was practically going hungry from no food in the house and getting a bag of bits from my mum to tide me over, walking to work, having no electricity for a few days until I got my weekly money through... it brings it all home to me just how much abf would squander my money on his alcohol (I say MY money because he did not work for the last 6 months we were together and that was when things were so bad).
I always believed him when he would say his friends had brought him his beer, or that he had 'lost' money, I was so gullible and willing to stay stuck in denial, it amazes me looking back.
I have had the best summer in years! Without my abf around, this year I have had money - wow, and thus been able to treat my daughter and I to some good days out.
I have really tried to focus on giving my daughter some good quality fun time this summer, she commented just the other day that she usually gets bored toward the middle of the break, but not this year.
Jennie, my daughter, and I have been to two different fun fairs, the beach, the Dr Who? museum, the Sea life Centre, the water park, the zoo and the cinema. I even managed to take her out shopping for clothes and accessories on top of getting her new uniform for school. It is amazing how I now feel I have so much spare cash. I am even managing to save from week to week.
I feel so much more free and fun. I have my motivation back too, on a healthier diet and I've took up roller blades, Jennie and I went to the park yesterday with out dog and had a skate around. My leg muscles were tender but it was so much fun!
I don't for one second regret telling him to go now, I should've done it sooner!!
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
