Drug Rehab Options Blog

Well here I am writing again. Family situation. My son (in his 30's-see previous thread) has decided to not talk to my husband or me. He feels he can't talk to me because he doesn't have respect for my decision to move when my husband did. We lived in a home on my son's property. My son said he had 30 days to stop drinking or "he" needed to move. Not me, only my husband. How does that work? Married over 35 years. My husband has made some progress on his drinking but he still drinks. Went from 12-18 beers to 6 beers after work. Too much? Of course it is!!! I know that. I honestly feel my husband has some depression and tramatic issues from his childhood,and I just don't think that his moving was going to work that out.
We have been very close to our son, he is our only child. I have always respected him and been there on his decisions whether I felt they were right or wrong. When my husband and I first married, he maybe drank 6 beers a week. That slowly progressed over the years. Would I love for him not to drink? Of course, but I would also love for him to, at the same time, discover the issues for why he is drinking. I don't believe just quiting drinking answers the problem, it is the why was I drinking? Numbing myself? Self medicating with beer? I do believe that with some understanding we could move in the direction of sorting it out. I know this is a cliche, but he really is a good man, not a mean bone in his body. How do I handle this with my son "disowning" me. Is my head truly in the sand? Years ago I went to Al Anon and learned about detachment. That is a very healthy thing. He drinks not because of me...but...because of ????? He needs to figure it out. I will stand by him when he choses that path. I am not prepared to leave him at this time. I won't leave him until "I" have exhausted all hope. I don't believe my husband moving and my staying on my sons property was an answer to anything. It was, for my son, probably a very healthy thing for him to do. He is his own man-who I respect. I don't think his decision for what he did was wrong. He had to do what was right for him. I hope some day he will understand I had to do what was right for me, at that time. This year it is 40 years I have been with this man. Being in a relationship with someone just doesn't go by without many hard times, some for my husband and some for me. There are also so many happy times. Any suggestions? Any words of wisdom for me? Believe me I could use them to help sort some of this out.

I posted in another part of this site a few days ago. I think my posts belong here :/

I've been using on and off for almost 9 years. This last stretch was a year with percocet. I quit because the side effects were becoming awful for the last 2 months of using. I spoke to a drug counselor and he said I was taking them wrong. So I was taking them, then withdrawing 6 hours later.

I'm 24 days off the pills today. I'm still having mild withdrawals. They started as waves every 7 hours or so, then a couple days ago they just came in slightly less strong, but non stop. A dull dry feeling in my sinuses and upper lungs, on and off dry mouth. A few strong sneezes once in awhile. Still have some insomnia. Usually get a couple hours of light sleep.

My withdrawal symptoms seem different from everyone else's, just from reading here on SR. I am hoping I have not caused some irreversible damage to myself. I saw my doctor and finally told him about my addiction. He told me not likely permanent damage, just to expect a slower recovery because I have used for so long. I am not taking anything but a couple of Tylenol caplets, which practically do nothing. I always drank beer socially, 2 or 3 pints at most, but I don't want to drink while I'm going through this. I really want to clean out my system. But this sobriety thing blows. The pills are gone, whole bottle flushed on the 3rd. I honestly do not ever want to use opiates again. I know it's sounds cliche, but I cant express more how bad I want to get away from this.

On top of the physical part, I seem to be turning inward, displaced, wondering why I am alive. No interest in anything.

I can clearly see what the pills did for me, I feel like I am missing a limb.

I really NEED feedback. My husband and I lived on our son's property, who is an only child in his 30's. He acknowledges he had a good childhood and his father was a good dad. However, now that they are both men, my son has decided that his father needed to quit drinking in 30 days or he had to move off his property, My son was specific that I didn't need to move. He couldn't understand why I would be leaving with my husband. I wasn't taking on the challenge of "changing" my husbands behavior, since he was trying, I felt a more compassionate approach was appropriate. I was working 100 hrs/week and felt it was not the time that I chose to address this issue and felt that the roof over my head was also being removed-I felt it wasn't his decision to make for me to stay there if my husband left. I did find a wonderful place to live and my husband and I feel far less stress. My son has decided that since I chose to leave with him and didn't have enough respect for myself, he didn't respect me enough to talk to me either. My son is very strong willed and conversations usually end up in a debate-where you feel like you simply have to back down just to get him to leave you alone, debate is putting it lightly, if you don't agree he is down right confrontational. My husband used to drink 12-18 beers a day and was obviously intoxicated, would talk ridiculous and did many disloyal things while drunk. However, that has since changed years ago. I feel that is between my husband and myself. He is currently drinking 6 beers a day. He makes no demands on me and we have always been very close. Childhood sweethearts. I know the line "he is such a good man" is a cliche but I feel that my husband is trying quite hard and making great strides. I love my son very much and this really saddens me. My son suggested a family therapist for the 3 of us. My husband agreed to that but now my son doesn't want that. I am not sure if I am being manipulated, being codependent, or verbally abused by my son or is he trying to help? My family background is that my father was a very mean alcoholic and eventually died due to complications of all those years of drinking. How am I so mixed up??? This just doesn't even say it all....but ran out of letters.

So...I've done this before...and it's time for another go. I am an alcoholic...no question about it. I had about 75+ days sober and then made a really stupid mistake...a REALLY dumb mistake. God, I really hate these initial posts. I feel like such a cliche. The same "stuff" time and again. I was sober...for the longest time... in a long while. Some stuff happened. My stuff. I thought that it was ok to have one drink...god, it never is. Fast forward 45 days and I am in a bad place. Exaybachay. I'm here because like before I have nowhere else to go. I can say that I have never been to an AA meeting...I just don't know the rules and what to expect. When they say "closed meeting" what type of credentials do I need to get in? What's an open meeting? I'm young, but medically speaking, if I continue much longer like this, I will die...this has been confirmed. My alcoholism has controlled my life for so long that I don't know how to build the simplest of relationships...I know that there is hope; I have seen it it. It is absolutely wonderful. For all of you wondering if it really is good on the other side...I can tell you, from my experience, it is...and, like I said, from the brief glimpse that I've had...it's like nothing we've seen. So, I guess, right now, I just looking to get back to day one. The most humble place any of us can find. Any words; any thoughts are appreciated. First time experiences with AA are greatly appreciated. I have lived all over the world...have picked up shop and moved to foreign countries on more than one occasion and that never phased me...yet opening that door to my first AA meeting has been a wall that I have never been able to overcome. Any thoughts on what to expect would be appreciated in ways that I could never express...like I said...it's me...again...Exaybachay.

Some of you may have read my last thread, my sister attempted suicide in late July and then came to stay with me. She was supposed to stay for 2 weeks, but stayed for 7. Now she's back to work and staying with me Friday Saturday and Sunday nights and she is back tomorrow. She had a second attempt while with me after her AH called and talked about meeting a woman. Anyway, long story short I decided to make an appointment with a therapist just because I wasn't sure how I was handling this. I don't get upset or cry, I just go numb. My session ended half an hour ago and I'm posting. You won't believe the book she recommended... Co-Dependent No More. Funny how that book keeps coming up in my life. I told her I owed it but only read the first couple chapters. I had bought it because of the addict in my life, but thought I only had the one. Once I started I realized I had a couple more and it disturbed me, so I haven't picked it up since. (Ironically I don't give a s**t about my addict right now.... I've detached but not with love.) She also recommended that I write a letter I don't send. Cliche's are chiches for a reason, right? They work. So I'm going to see if I can do that.

As I started talking I thought my reasons were guilt. Guilt for handling it well. Guilt for not Form 1'ing her (for you south of the border, that's a 72 hour psyhciatric evaluation that isn't the patients idea). But the more I talked the more I realized I was angry. I feel manipulated. She knows how to kill herself if she wants to. And slitting your wrist width wise isn't it... she's told me herself of a better method (I won't post that cause you never know how sad someone is while reading). And the second attempt she took pills, but again, years ago she told me of a better method than the one she used. So that leaves me thinging, if she didn't want to kill herself, what was the motivation? Was she manipulating her AH, me... who? why? I'm mad but not in the way I am usually mad. This one just leaves me tired. I'm losing my train of thought, but my point is I am back, and those of you that PM'd me... THANK YOU! thank you for reading and caring if I was okay or not. I appreciate it more than you know.


Amy

P.S. She does seem better right now and I hope it lasts for a while at least. Also, my 17 year old cousin who has an alcohlic mother, and alcoholic and drug abusing step father called me crying and asked if he could come live with me. So he's moving in on Monday and I'm registering him in highschool here. His family is 5 hours away, so I'm it. Being responsible really sucks ass sometimes.

So after spending an evening scrambling to sell things on Ebay for bill money, begging my parents for money to pay my mortgage and feeling like a loser for saying "This is the last time" (yeah right, they might as well have said), thanking God for the holiday tomorrow--not because it's a holiday, but because utility companies are closed and they won't shut off my utilities--

I actually find myself feeling sorry for my AH who is out at a bar. I see this man who used to be handsome and sheepish and hysterically funny, who has turned into this bloated Elvis cliche lumbering around a bar trying to fit in. People laugh at him behind his back--and to his face--he sees this doesn't he? This man who used to literally carry me over puddles now calls me horrible names and steps over me and laughs when I cry. I no longer am in love with this man who I beg to go away forever and leave us in peace almost every morning after the drunken nights, who replies with a simple, "No." I am happier when he is out than when he is home, no longer care about where he goes or who he is with and only really care about his drinking because I experience the consequences of his choices. But I still feel sorry for him?

How can I feel sorry for a person who (I allow) treats me this way, knows his sons could be homeless if not for my parents and knows his wife, who would love to be relaxing and watching a movie, rather than hocking memories to strangers for money and eating peanut butter sandwiches every night so her sons can have meat and fish, while he goes to dinner and drinks with friends? Man oh man!

I guess the first step is recognizing this? Thanks for letting me vent.