Drug Rehab Options Blog

Last night I went to a meeting and it was a meeting I had not been to in a while. There were some new females there and I believe they were brand new to recovery. They were very flirtatious with some of the guys before the meeting started.

One of the females was eyeing me up when I walked in and she said to me..as I sat by myself.."I think I know you from somewhere" and I said "could be" and was polite. The other two females just eyed me up. Not the love I usually feel in meeting. A group of guys came in and she went to sit with them directly across the table from me and continued to whisper to this guy and stare at me. I felt like I was under a microscope so I excused myself to the bathroom and actually got crying. Another member came in and wanted to know if I was ok and she said some people in that group are mandated to be there by the courts and they sit and make comments and watch the clock.
Boy that is some feeling to think you are in a safe room and share your stuff and have the guy next to you judging you or smirking.

Anyway, i called one of my AA numbers and they said "principles b4 personality" and that I was there for me and she was probably there to hook up and was threatened by me. It really got me because this is the first time I have felt bad at a meeting and was like OMG did she see me in a bar way back when and I was drunk?

Not a healing environment there last night. I actually saw her walking there in the freezing cold b4 the meeting and I thought look at her I wonder if she needs a ride. sheesh.

thanks for listening.

I will never go back to that meeting because I am embarrassed. One of the other member

I just wanted to thank you both for your posts tonight. For some reason, it makes me feel better. It's not a misery loves company thing, I pray that neither of you will relapse. I've been feeling low lately, and very guilty about my relapse after I hit six months. The fact that others are going through the same thing shows me that it wasn't just me or my failures, it just happens. I want my example to help you get through this, if you need please PM me, I have gained a lot of insight since my relapse, I can give you some tidbits of info that I wish I had. If there was a way I could re-wind the clock to where I was that day, the place where you are now, and not drink, I would. I feel like my progress has been stalled, now I have more issues to deal with. I also don't have the confidence that I will retain my sobriety as much this time, I am getting there, but it's not as much of a sure thing as continuing a successful streak of six months. Hang in there.

I have had little sleep in 4 days maybe 2 hrs a night and I feel awful. I have been taking ambein for years my MD had upped me to 20 mil a night. I started sleep walking eating and drove the other night. I have not took them since. Last night I was desperate for sleep and asked my wife for a half of a muscle relaxer I saw tears well up in her eyes and it broke my heart. Ive tried to be normal but my clock just doesnt work. If I take the ambein I go to bed around 9 and get up around 5. If I dont I might stay up 30 hours and sleep 14and it has always been like that. I sleep better in day than at night. My wife hides the ambein from me because I will abuse them if I have the chance I find myself hunting for them when shes not here. I always run through them before my refills. I have no more refills so I going to try and just quit them.

In the morning's, I know I'm an alcoholic but by 5 o'clock I convince myself that I'm not - everybody drinks and I'm just like everyone else, so I may aswell have a drink..... But when I start drinking, I don't stop til I've passed out (unlike everyone else), I don't usually remember going to bed and I drink every night. Maybe just a few beers instead of the wine (this is often my rationale) but I'll have a bottle of wine on-hand just in case (plus it makes me feel better knowing there's more grog if I need it).

I'm just astounded by the grasp alcohol has on me and my ability to convince myself that I'm normal, so I can justify the next drink!

I really can't imagine NEVER having a drink again but there's a part of me that knows this is the only answer. It seems so unattainable! Every social outing and friendship I have, revolves around alcohol, so what does that leave?

Hi:evrybody Please when you go into Prayers pray
for my Aunt Emelda !!!!!! two Years ago she was Diagnose with Cancer
How ever she gave her life to the Lord and she had pray to the Lord
to Heal her and He Did cause at the beginning of this year.

my youngest Aunt Pass away and when we were all at the funeral
my aunt couldn't stop talking about How God is Big that he heal her
But just two month ago her cancer came back and there giving her
chemotherapy,and knock her out now they found a blood clock
inside her Lung so they call me and my Dad to give us the Bad News


that she ain't going to make it pass this year they gave her Days
Please Help me Pray for Her peace of mind and for her soul to go straight
to Rest in the Middle of the Bosom of our Dear Lord and Savior Jesus Christ

Thanx you all I'll B:praying to.

Am I a real alcoholic? Can I always maintain control of my liquor consumption once I have started drinking? These last three paragraphs are here to help us decide for ourselves if we are in fact alcoholic. This definition of an alcoholic does nto include any of our stereotypical thinking of what an alcoholic is. This definition does not rest on "living on skid row" or "drinking all the time." It bases its definition solely on one's ability to always control one's consumption and one's ability to stop drinking altogether if a good reason exists.


Does this depiction roughly identify us? Of course, we don't fit this description exactly. Perhaps we don't expect we will ever exhibit some of these symptoms. Though, we never expected to be exhibiting the symptoms that we are suffering right now. If some of this description is too accurate to deny that it describes us and if we are having these things happen to us, perhaps we are alcoholic also.


These are not rhetorical questions. They are placed here so that we will ask them of ourselves. Our lack of an adequate answer to these questions, that ring so soundly of the truth, shines a bright light on our predicament.


Have we reached the point where little can be done for us? Have we reached the point where there is little hope for our recovery? Having arrived at the point where there is little that can be done for us, where is it that we can turn for a solution? Admitting that we have arrived at this point is the first step in recovery.

Hello. I'm Mark. I take a quanity of ten 80mg of oxcys a day. I sometimes run out and go through the hellish threshhold of withdraw every month for about a long, long, week or so. I watch the clock slowly going by one minute at a time for about a week or longer. Always thinking about getting my next refill. I'm tired of going through the w/d's. It is always like this for me. I take more than what I'm perscribed to take and run short of my oxcys. I can never get enough to satisfy what it felt like when I first took only one of my oxcys that once put me in stoned land - feeling great - on top of the world. As the years go by, it takes me about fifteen time more of the amount to find that high. I now have a very high tolorence for my oxcys and that is why I go through w/d's at the third week of evey month because I've ran out of them again. I'm suposed to take only four 80mg a day. But, that does'nt work for me anymore. I can't ask my DR for more because it would seem like I'm drug seeking, which is exactly what I'm trying to do in the first place, (Drug Seeking). I' have come to the realization that I have a problem . . . I want to get high on the 80 mg oxcys, and stay that way for ever. My marriage is in hot water and I don't do anything like simple house hold chours anymore, and not showing my wife how much I love her enough. She ask's me, " Why do you do this to yourself every month". I don't have any defenative or afirmative akowledgement for that questiion directed at me. Devotion has it's decipating distance from my wife and I. There seems to be a detereating connection between us due to an inadverntly puedodecision of choosing oxcys over my good but enabling wife. When I run out of the oxcys, my wife reluctenly gives up her once a month of 90 vicodines to me to take the edge off of the w/d. I also take bensodiazepines to also take the edge off from w/d. It's never enough. The oxcys I get once a month are consuming me before my eyes and before I was consuming the oxcys. Now the oxcys are consuming me. I've been to NA/AA, counseling and othe places, including hospitalization for the mentally I'll. There, I was getting my oxcys from the mental facilities. I was hospitalized only for enough time until my next refill was coming around the corner again. I'm out of control with them and I can't manage my life anymore. All can think about is rationing my pain killers. I was injured in the first Gulf War, and lost my right leg above my knee, and knocked loose a couple of my lower back bones. They started me off with only the quanity of 240 of 5mg of morphine, and gradually climbed up to the quanity of 240 of 80mg of oxcys. I dont know what I would do without them. Are there things unusually disapearing from my life that I don't see? Are my eyes not open enough to see the damage that I might be creating? Am I becoming blind by the oxcys to the point where aspects in my life are indisputible? Am I missing out on a better life that which could be massively passing me by? Am I trying to kill myself cruelty in such a way that is slowly inconcievabley lowthing me? Am I not awake enough that I can't break through the inceasing inevitable losses that I am causing on a subconscious level? What if I'm not being as analitical about myself as I should be. I don't know. I just don't know how I could be so numb and stoicism, a school of Hellenistic philosophy by which I might add to this maddnes. May I please have some feedback? Anyone? Please?

Boyfriend just looked at the clock and said "Wow, I thought I would have to go to the liquor store an hour ago."

He is still drinking beer, but there is no hard booze (which I drink - can't stand beer).

Plus side;
I told him yesterday that I quit
He usually starts on tequila by 7pm and passes out by 9. Didn't do that tonight.

Minuses;

Don't know if is taking it easy because I told him I was quitting or because there is no tequila in the house.

The comments that he makes that tell me he expects me to fail.

You think IÂ’d learn. Nearly 6 months sober, and in my infinite wisdom I decide I can handle a drink. Just one wonÂ’t hurt, right? WRONG. One drink turned into a 4 day round the clock bender. IÂ’m just now upright, and I plan on hitting my home group, shaking and sweating tonight and grab my newcomer chip.

IÂ’m a binge drinker and IÂ’m scared I wonÂ’t keep getting these 2nd and 3rd chancesÂ…