Drug Rehab Options Blog

Actually, I'm not entirely sure how the name is spelt because I've lost the outer packaging, however, you should know what medication I'm refering to if you have taken it.

...have you ever taken it?

I was perscribed it last week by my doctor and (at the moment) I think it's rather useless! All it has done is make me sleep a LOT and given me palpitations when I've awakened.

I'm still feeling pretty hypomanic. It's a real problem because I'm a recovering cocaine addict and people can't tell the difference. Also, any mood swing either side even slightly puts me in the frame of mind to start using again.

My doctor says I should continue with my medication but I was wondering if anyone had any personal experience?

...not something you want to hear from a recovering cocaine addict, eh?

I've been clean for 6 weeks now. So far so good.

However, today is what would've been my late father's 68th birthday. He died because he was an addict (alcohol and cigarettes) from a combination of lung cancer and liver problems earlier this year.
He wasn't a good man and we didn't get along. Later today I'm expected to go to some sort of family rememberance.
Instead, I want to stay home and get high. Pretty stupid. Oh well, I am an addict!

Trying NOT to do the above is the reason I'm posting here right now. Any advice?

Also, how is everyone coping with Christmas coming up? For most people I know it's a 'tradition' to get as wasted as possible on Christmas day. I'm trying to cut down on drinking too so that might be a problem.
I'm not so much a 'victim' of peer pressure and festivities as much as my mind is looking for any 'good' excuse to **** away the last 6 weeks.

It's been a while since I've been on. For all of you who don't know my story, here it is in short. I've always been an honest, good and decent person. One of those good girls who never did drugs and didn't really drink except the occassional social event. About 7 months ago, I fell in love with a man who I later found out was addicted to pain killers. He is on a program that uses suboxone to recover however, he abuses that as well.
A few months ago, I was so entangled in what he was doing, where he was and if he was going to kill himself. One night, I fell hard. I slit my wrists and wound up in the pshych ward. I loved him so much and I couldn't imagine my life without him. I was so depressed from thinking he was going to kill himself that I ended up losing myself in him. I was becoming a horrible mom and didn't really like myself. I got help.
We moved in together and everything seemed to be going fine. Now, the worst has happened.
I was an enabler, as much as I hated to admit it. In one of my enabling events, my world turned upside down. Now, instead of an enabler, I am writing to you as an addict. A cocaine addict.
We have spent so much money. We have so much to lose. I don't know what to do. I can't go into rehab because I will lose my job and with the economy the way it is, I definitely wouldn't be getting another one anytime soon. It has not gotten to the point where I steal or sell my stuff but if I keep going, I'm sure it would.
I love cocaine. I love the way I feel when I do it. But I also hate cocaine. I hate the way it takes all of our money. I hate the way I'm an addict instead of the mother I should be. I hate the way it separates him and I because we are each so busy doing stuff that we end up not spending time with each other. And mostly, I hate the guilt and depression that follow. I swear I'll never touch it again and then a couple days later, we are back at it. I don't know what to do.
Advice would be good right now. I'm sure you are all shaking your head wondering how I could be so stupid. I deserve that.

A year ago, I came here, to this forum and poured my heart out to you. I spoke about my son, my beautiful then 19 year old boy, an alcoholic and cocaine addict. And oh yes - let's not forget the marijuana and all the other mind-altering substances. I spoke about the rampant stealing, lying and all the horrific behavior that ruined all of our lives for the previous six years. I had no hope. I was at the point that I had completely given up and believe me, that wasn't easy. Then one day, he was evicted from his apartment for non-payment of rent and we weren't there to bail him out. He wanted to come home and we said no. He begged us and we said, "We're sorry, son, you can't stay here anymore." This was the hardest thing my husband and I ever did in our lives. In the dead of winter, my son lived in his car, with no gas, no money and no food. His next phone call was to a rehab center.

Our son has now been sober for 10 months. He attends AA meetings faithfully, holds down 2 jobs and is one of the best people I have ever met in my life. I write this to let you know that if it can happen for us, it can happen for you. There's hope.

I did bring forth a lot of unnecessary negativity and unhappiness to my relations with AXBF.

I was never happy with any decision, and always made everything about alcohol (before i knew he was still using cocaine, and likely has a problem with opiates). I treated him like someone who... wasn't an alcoholic, even though i know he was.

I resented him, I made him feel bad, and i was generally unhappy with anything he was doing that was good compared to the things that werent. i was obsessed with him, would track him down (ofcourse he didnt have a cell phone until AFTER we broke up this time), question him, i blew things out of proportion, i gave him grief about -everything-, and i dont know if i thanked him or expressed appreciation for the things that were good. All i did was bitch and nag it seems like.

but "because i loved him", we were together off an on 8 years and in between this time i never found anyone i liked as much (as a person) or even in a healthy relationship sort of way. i finally, when i found out he was still doing cocaine i realized he was truly truly facing an addiction problem that i dont see him coming out of any time soon. hes been doing this since he was in middle school, his parents are Alcoholics / addicts, and his TWIN brother is also a cocaine addict (who sells drugs)!!!!!!

anyway, especially now that i know that we wont be together probably ever (which is devastating to me), i wish i had been more -Loving- and -encouraging- instead of -angry- -sad- resentful-.

There is one thing that makes me feel better sometimes
and that is that i did those things because in my head it is what i thought someone who loved him would do, and because i was hurting and depressed. and in that regard, i dont regret it. i dont care if he thinks i am a bad girlfriend because i did care for his wellbeing and no one would want to see their love one destroy their life, especially when they knew them at a time when they wouldn't have wanted that for themselves or cared about themselves. i know he doesnt see it like that- he just thinks im an annoying nag- another obstacle to get through his day, but for all its worth one day i hope he looks back and remembers that i cared about him and that this brought out the ABSOLUTE WORST in me.

The other thing i did was write a list of things id like to do incase i am ever in a healthy relationship ever (although right now thats hard to imagine since im completely still in love with my ex).

i know if i still feel this way in a few steps, if i still feel this way (thats what my sponsor said) i can make amends. i think that will help.

I'm a wreck as i write this......an old friend i worked with yrs ago, tracked me down and i called him, very exicted to hear from him, as I tracked him down for Marty's funeral his Wife did not give him the message, we never were nothing but friends and I told her,

his call was to tell me is seperated from his wife, and he was missing old friends, and wanted to see me, he said he did'nt have enough money, so I offered him to crash here,

I just made him leave for a hotel few hours ago, and I AM DEVASTED, and crying my ass off,

He WAS a recovering cocaine addict and when he went to rehab yrs ago, he came out turned his life around and rec'd his Masters and became A professor at a college, got married had children and I was so proud and happy for him,

He was the one who took Marty to his very first AA meeting and helped pave the road to Marty's recovering and rehab

so we have been best friends and I love him so much for all he did, when Marty would take off on me or problems he was there,

so I owed him to stay here and was excited over a 15 or longer little reunion, and to pick his spirits up over his seperation

I was NOT going to drink wine in front of him, although I have a bar, he told me he has no problem with me having wine,

he gets here and says your going to be disappointed, but I do have some beers from time to time, so he wanted a drink, I so go ahead then, he asked me for a Vicodin because his legs were cramped up from the drive, I said are you sure? I said you can't have that, he told me a DR put him on Cimbalta and some valium and ambien, I said you take that he said, yes I have for a long time now for the aniexty I was suffering while teaching class he was having panic attacks, ok....

Who I am to tell another, he said besides I WAS not addicted to alcohol or pills, I told him, it did'nt effing matter, I did speak my codependent peace, lol

Well, he knocked out a small bottle of absolute and then hit my next bottle of vodka, I get up and he's pouring a drink, ok, we were supposed to be having fun, I was treating him to dinner

He wanted to go visit my mom, I knew she was exicted to see him and no matter how many mints he chewed she was gonna know, I tried to not take him over there, he insisted, I had talked to him before he came here, telling him how sick my mom is with her botched knee replacement and she takes Vikes, and btw, the pill I thought I was giving him was not vicodin and whatever it was he did'nt take it,

he knew I had clonanzepam that I take here and he said he took them before and it did'nt help him, I said he works great for me, so he did'nt ask me for them

Go to Mom's, she smells him, takes me aside, I fill her in, and he goes to use her bathroom, and the two of us, were on pins,

We leave my Mom calls me, saying he took her entire bottle of Vikes, her klonies, and some sleeping pills,

He was talking in circles at her house badly, we leave I decided we better eat pizza, and he says he's not hungry,

I confronted him in the car, I said YOU HAVE RELASPSED AND NEED TREATMENT NOW, he denied stealing the pills, and was so stoned he was telling me to take a road that exists in HIS town, not mine

I took us for pizza because I needed to eat and I did'nt know what to do with him, all I know is I could NOT have an addict who stole in my house, he might have even stolen something from my house, I have no idea

WHY....am I devasted....Oh My God...Guilt of making him leave, feeling like I let him down,

BUT MOST OF ALL OH MY GOD HE IS GONNA DIE and I can't believe I'm gonna loose another one, my best friend I ever had

I gave the speach, your gonna loose your wife, your gonna loose your great job and status, and pulled everything I quote and apply to my life I learned in Marty's open meetings

I was talking to a wall, he is in a fog, I told him, don't LIE to me, just tell me you took the pills,

I can't help him, and he has brought a flood of emotion all back tremoring through my body, knowing he's gonna be my Marty

Dammit, addiction is such an effing curse, I feel horrible for every addict, because life is hard enough for us non addicts

and the longer they are sober, as I seen in Marty, the longer they forget, Marty thought he could just do one line

For all of you who know me on here, YES I WAS EVEN GONNA PULL THAT 911 TAPE OUT OF THAT FIREPROOF SAFE AND PLAY IT SO HE CAN HEAR MARTY DYING AND MOANING A HORRIBLE DEATH, he did'nt want to hear it

He told me when he arrived at the hotel, that he did'nt expect to be here alone, well

While packing his bag, he kept asking me, why are you making me leave, I did not go over the pills again, he was high on the valium, I told him that he brought me high emotions that I needed to be alone at my house

I told him, he can call me, I will not leave him in that way,

but I could cry a river again,

because I know he is gonna die...

Please keep my friend in your prayers, it's bad enough if something happens to him tonight, you know I will take blame for this,

My mother has already given me the talking to, that I have nothing to do with what he's been doing, I still feel I let him down, and I don't want him to loose his wife or job or.....

his life

Thanks for listening

I am seeking advice about how to be the most supportive b/f I can be for my g/f who is a cocaine addict. I have been dating her for nearly 4 months now and I found out about 6 weeks ago that she was an addict. We sat down one night and had a discussion about how she had been to rehab in February but has been struggling with relapse ever since then. She has recently had 2 relapses in the past 3 weeks and every time she has, she has told me almost immediately after. She says that she feels horrible about being deceitful and lying and that she doesnÂ’t ever want to do it again.
She does feel like she is unable to trust herself alone and I have been trying my hardest to be a “safety net” for her but it is getting frustrating. She asked me to help her cut up her credit cards and to start managing her finances so that she does not have any temptation to relapse but the first time I forgot my wallet at home, she was right back to her old habits of calling her dealer.
We both work together, but I am also in graduate school so it is hard to be around all the time to be there to support her during her weakest moments. She has asked me repeatedly for help because she does not think she is strong enough to beat it on her own. I have told her that I am going to be by her side through whatever it takes, but I am starting to get scared because I LOVE HER and it hurts deep inside everytime I see her suffering.
Does anyone have any advice or suggestions? I am a counselor at a psychiatric hospital and I work on a detox unit from time to time, as well as being a recovered addict from Ritalin, but I have never been on this side of the table beforeÂ…The supportive significant other.

The title say it all, really.

I'm here to try again.

I'll update in more detail later. I'm just reading this forum right now as a distraction as much as to find help.