Drug Rehab Options Blog

I have been with my boyfriend since July 2007, or a little over a year. In January, a friend of his shared some cocaine with him, which sent him down a slippery path. At this time, he was still suffering from undiagnosed Depression, and is a student in a very rigorous program at a challenging university, so he began using habitually as a coping mechanism. During this time, he also used Ecstasy for the first time. When school ended for the year, his problems did not go away; upon returning home, his beloved dog died, and so he continually used both cocaine and E, sometime at the same time, for a week or so after. Around this time, he finally saw a psychiatrist and was put on medication for his Depression. However, he continued to use cocaine frequently and E occasionally throughout the summer. One night in August, he tried LSD for the first time. He took far too much for a first-time user, and went into a violent state that got his parents involved and opened their eyes to their son's problem. Shortly thereafter, he started attending rehab. He has been off of hard drugs ever since then (he still smokes weed, but that was never his problem, so I don't worry about it).

The only problem is that, even after almost four months of sobriety, he still talks about using coke or E again one day. He maintains that his feelings on those drugs were such happy ones that he simply cannot picture going through the rest of his life never feeling that sort of happiness again.

I understand that there are so many factors that would make him feel this way, namely the depression that was still plaguing him throughout much of his use. Still, it pains me to think that he might go back to drugs; we've talked at length about how painful it was for me during that time. I know that he wants to marry me, and I feel the same way about him. How can I convince him that one day, together, we will have enough happiness in our life that he won't need these drugs?

Boy do I feel like an idiot already- I don't know much about "posting" etc. so I tried posting something- and accidently posted it on the "new to recovery" site- I hope I didn't make people who are trying to quit angry. Because when I was writing- I put in there what I wanted to ask people in this section. I will try and be brief. I have lived with my addict boyfriend for three years. At first I thought he just "partied" too much. Then I found out cocaine was involved. Now- the past year- I know that he is useing oxycodone. I have done everything I can to support/help him. I am in therapy myself- learning how to cope. He will not go to meetings- says he will then dosen't.
He cant come off these pills without HUGE withdrawls. He (upon my suggestion) asked me to call our doctor to see if he could help. will he follow up with the doctor and make the appointment?? I doubt it. Its like beating my head against a brick wall. I can't detatch. I have educated myself about the process- but I just can't. I keep waiting for the man I used to love to show up- it isn't happening- and I don't think it ever will. He said to me the other night- giving up coke and alcohol is "easy" he only needs help with quitting the pills - that he knows the PILLS are a problem?? Jezzzzz- are you kidding?? how can he believe that the pills are an issue- but the other stuff? eah no biggie>> its just complete craziness. I love this man, but I can't stay around being "detached" doing my own thing.... I would just rather live alone with my kids. to pretend the pink elephant in the room isn't there - just dosen't work for me. He dosen't steal from me, he is not abusive to me, he is just plain ol selfish, inconsiderate, and the CONSTANT partying ALWAYS comes before me and my children. I do not wish to PRETEND its not happening anymore. Do I sound selfish? I hope not, I am just exhausted emotionally- trying to help. And now trying to DETATCH. I have broken up with him before (my home) and when he leaves its a matter of days before we "talk" _ I "believe" and then we both pretend untill he comes home high as a kite and I loose it. ..... same merry-go-round. I know I'm at fault for accepting his behavior- and I'm sad for that. I didn't see how deep he was in- untill my heart was way to invested. I just need some help/support/ any words of wisdom, on how I can walk away and not go back on the merrygo round. Also, I need to know If others understand that I can't see myself staying and trying to "be there for him, yet remain detatched" I just cant do it- no matter how much I love- I feel it would be better to just move on, grieve the loss and get better for myself. It hurts terribly. and I will miss him, but I ALREADY miss the man I love, I just stay holding on to the slight glimpses i still see of him.
Sorry to be long-winded....
Thankyou for listening.
Cess

Hi everyone, I am new to this forum, and have no idea on how to "post messages" etc. I have reviewed some of the posts on this site and decided to join. I need some help/support with my situation. I currently live with my boyfriend. We have been together for three plus yrs. We have had numerous fights etc. about his "partying". I now know that his "partying" has escalated into using oxycodone. He says he is willing to get help- but would only do so if he could go to a physican privatly- and had me call our doctor. I don't know if he will follow up and go- but his battle with addiction is beyond hell for me. I am attempting to let go. However, the detatchment thing I've read about isn't working. I feel that I just have to end our relationship. I can not continue to be consumed with praying, crying, hopeing, that things will go back to normal. They haven't. and I don't truely believe they ever will. I love the man with all my heart, but I can not just live with him and "do my own thing". I'd rather just be alone. I don't really know how to explain that, I hope it does not sound selfish. Cocaine and alcohol are "easy for him" to quit- this is what he says.... it's the pills that he can't stop. Please, how ridicoulous does this sound?? If it were so easy, he wouldn't be using any of them. I want to pretend @ times the problem dosen't exist, but especially since the pills started- he has changed, he is not the same man. I just have become emotionally exhausted waiting for the man I used to know to show up.
Thank you for listening.
Take care,
Cess

Hi all, I'm new here. I just found out last week that my boyfriend of 18 years and father of my children, has been taking cocaine for over a year. I asked him to leave over a month ago as his behaviour was becoming intolerable, not knowing that he had this addiction. Things have been strained between us for some time as I had to return to work 3 years ago when he couldn't (or wouldn't) find work. I have been becoming increasingly fed up at doing a days work and then coming home to pick the kids up from school, cook dinner, wash clothes, clean etc... He couldn't seem to understand why I was so fed up and why I didn't want to be intimate with him as much as he wanted. He has done some private work which I needed to pay the mortgage as the tenant in our other flat was not paying the rent. He kept telling me that he hadn't been paid for these jobs and made a big show of making phone calls (which I now know were all an act) to ask for the money. Over the last few months he has also been draining money out of our bank account, including using money set aside for my boys' birthday presents. We are now in the position that I am so far behind on the mortgage that we may lose both of our apartments. I'm trying to sell the one we don't live in but it's very difficult at the moment.

I'm finding it very hard to deal with all the lies that he has told me and that he could be so irresponsible to let it get to a point that our children could be made homeless. He is now trying to make me feel that this is all my fault. He has told me today that it's my fault that he started taking cocaine (he has always smoked marijuana-something that I also did in my youth but stopped 14 years ago). I feel so cheated and betrayed right now and feel like I am slipping into a deep pit of depression, I feel that the last 18 years have been nothing but lies and don't know how to separate lies from truth. I want to try to be supportive but, I can't bear to even look at him at the moment. He's not the person that I thought he was and I feel cheated of a partner and friend as well as a father for my children. I don't know how to deal with all of this. I have some good friends around me but I have no family here and I don't think they would be very understanding anyway. Everything I've worked for seems to be crumbling away through no fault of my own and yet, he's trying to burden me with the guilt. Is this usual for an addict to blame someone else for their own weakness or do I need to shoulder some of the blame? My friends tell me that I have nothing to feel bad about but, are they just saying that because they are my friends?

Thanks for listening.

I have a friend who is on Suboxone because she was addicted to opiates. She has been injecting her Suboxone and says that it is ok that she does this because the Suboxone makes her sick to her stomach. Is this ok?:dunno: She used to inject cocaine and says that she sometimes gets high from injecting the Suboxone.

I was wondering in peoples experience do addicts ever get better??? What does it really take for an alcoholic/drug addict need? My BF was a meth user, then after rehab he turned to hard liquor--and continues to smoke marijuana. We have been together for 1 yr 1/2 and its been a roller coaster. Due to stress he says he fell victim to using some meth a few times and cocaine. He is in jail now awaiting his 6 month residential treatment program. I have never ever been with someone who is an addict or even used drugs. Yvonne :codiepolice

Hi all!!

I think I have posted something similar to this once before.
I wanted to give you all an impression of how my life is right now and see who can relate:

My ah hides his use pretty well. His DOC is cocaine. he was using once or twice a week, but this week it seems to be more because he cant fall asleep at night.

I take the kids to school everyday then i go sub if i have an assignment that day. My ah goes to work almost every day. I take care of the house, the kids, etc. He will pitch in maybe 10%-20% but mainly after work he is on the couch watching tv or on his laptop.
Weekends we dont do much. I clean, food shop, take kids where they need to go, the kids see friends....we may go out to each once in a while. My older daughter is at the age where she deosnt really want to do family things, but i like to get out and do stuff onthe weekend..ijust dont have the extra money to go places and otherwise, what else is there to do besides shop???

I get depressed on weekends, because like i said i like to get out. My family is not close by and i never see his except on holidays. the few friends ihave are usually busy with their families on weekends.

So here is how i feel: I feel like I have lost myself by putting up with drug use. I have compromised my morals, values and who i am and it makes me feel less than. I do not want to be in a marriage with someone who lies, does drugs, doesnt help out all the time and take responsiblity for things.
But, i feel trapped because of the economy, i cannot get a high paying job, my co-depnedency, etc....but i want to move forward..my codependency is sooo strong....i am going to meetings, reading, making phonecalls to members of my group, going to therapy. I try not to start in with my ah because it wont get me anywhere, and i want to have peace in the house but i have such feelings of resentment because of it.

I just want to be able to tell him that because i have lost myself and because i cannot accept his behavior anymore, that we need to seperate and perhaps get divorced. I know this is what i need to do in order to take care of myself. I know this is a toxic and unhealthy relationship, but becuase of my co-dependency, i cant do it.

Can anyone help me with a plan?? i want to go back to school to become a teacher..special ed...but where is the $$ going to come from for that...we have so much debt, i dont want to take out another loan. where am i going o get the strength to take care of myself?? what can be included in my plan so that i keep moving forward...i know that so many of you have gone through so much, and sometimes i almost wish something bad would happen so that i have no choice in the matter but to get out....



thanks for your help.....

Hi I'm new to this site. I joined because I'm quiting heroine and cocaine cold turkey. I took my last shot today at 4 am. I'm detoxing at home and I'm here for support.
I'm 17 years old. I've been using for 5 years and this is my first time detoxing. So naturaly I'm scared. So any advice or words of encouragement would greatly appreciated.

Girls,

My now ex (3 and a half months since we parted but relationship slowly died over a period of months prior) has been in rehab twice for heroin and is currently having a lot of "fun" with alcohol and cocaine. He may be doing other stuff now but not really being in contact with him I can't know.

You know what tho? I have spent so long talking about him that today I want to talk about me. I wanted to come here to do it as it is women only.

Over the weekend I really wanted to contact ex but fought with myself not to and succeeded. Although I still felt anxious I felt better because I knew if he had replied it would only have been because I contacted him and it would have opened up hope in my heart again to receive messages etc.

When I got in from work tonight I really felt the urge again to contact but refrained and instead read a lot of posts on here. Whilst I was reading them I asked myself why on earth I wanted to contact him? You know if my life was going really well or better that it currently is (not that it's not going well but you know I am still in a bit of limbo) I probably wouldn't think of contacting him....From that thought I suddenly thought something else too. If my life is not what I want and yet I go looking for him (whose life is clearly not going well at all) then in some way I must be sick too. You know it is awful but it suddenly dawned on me that I could somehow be using his addiction to mask taking care of my own back yard....... It is really easy to be upset with others and their misgivings isn't it because it stops us concentrating on our own.

Ok, this is going to ramble a little and probably veer from place to place but I kind of need to vomit verbally so forgive me but...

When I met him he was a very different man. In fact when I met him I had no idea of how bad/traumatic his past had been for him. I am talking abuse by another guy as a child, being homeless, turning tricks on the street etc before he seriously tried to kill himself but failed - after this he went into rehab for the first time. Anyway, back to now. When I met him I saw him as some kind of beacon of light, as that was what he was really, and in a way I idolised him and his purity/graciousness etc - he was everything I would have liked to be. You know I am a good person and I have a big heart but I know what my negative traits are when they surface: stubborness (pure ego), fiestyness (hate feeling that I am being told what to do - father very strict) righteousness (ego again right?) , spitefulness (defence mechanism), selfishness in wanting my own way and being impatient (hereditary lol - part of me i dislike the most) too.

When he was in recovery (when we first met) I can tell you he never showed any of these traits ever, or any negative trait. It was almost like living with an angel. He was always so optimistic, happy, loving, wise, patient, forgiving, compassionate, giving. God I used to look at him and thank God for having him in my life as I felt that although I am a good person just having him near me made me an even better person every day..... Sorry I just suddenly remembered how very, very special it was for a second.

When he told me tho about his huge drug use prior to becoming homeless (it was coke in the good days and then heroin in his homeless ones), and all the group sex he had whilst high, running drugs to prostitutes etc and then the turning tricks once he did end up on the street etc I tried to act like I was cool with it but it didn't really sit with me. I know it is really wrong to take people's past and bring it into the present and I didn't want to do that or pass any kind of judgement on that but for some reason I would find my mind becoming distracted by thoughts of this past life and it made me really uncomfortable. Now I kind of wish I had just enjoyed our time together when he was clean and ignored these thoughts cause in some way I feel like me thinking them changed some of my behaviours towards him and may have ended up contributing to him wanting to drink again (which of course led to drugs) in the first place if that makes sense.

Girls, I am an intelligent, attractive woman but to be honest I am probably a bit insecure about myself although I do tend to hide it quite well. But when I found out about all this you can imagine how that general, subtle insecurity started to grow a little bit I think. I am so ashamed but I started to feel insecure about one of my girlfriends, you know I kind of started to ....not to feel "threatened" by her cause she would never have done anything with him but I just felt in a way, I don't know, that I didn't really want her around when he was there with me. I kind of wanted him to myself - **** what a child. When we first met I remember I didn't really take to this girl, she just felt so domineering but then due to having to live with her I got know and like her a lot. We shared an amazing friendship. I did find her domineering, always wanting her own way (and getting it) and she would never say sorry for one thing but she was a very good friend to me and I was to her too. Just before we fell out I had kind of gotten to a point of being completely fed up with her and her lack of doing one single thing around the house. I suppose being in my new relationship made me less inclined to have to put up with her if you know what I mean. I kept asking nicely for her to help/contribute and she continued to nothing. Could this be why I started to feel envious of her do you think or am I fooling myself and would I have felt resentful anyway? And why the f*** did I feel envious of her? Long story short, I told her I was fed up after weeks of politely requesting to no avail for her to help me out round house and stuff and for once I didn't back down, as whenever we had moments in the past I would always make the "peace" move whether it had been me at fault or not. She eventually backed down to me and we became friends again but something had changed. I told her a short time afterwards I had felt some insecurity about her as well as being pissed off with her for her laziness and that I was really sorry for that but wanted to be completely honest with her and she....well understandably she was a bit distant for a while. I tried to stay in touch with her (as she moved away) but when I wrote I got back next to nothing. I wrote one day saying I was really sorry about the insecurity thing and had tried to explain that to her. I said I felt really embarrased by this and ashamed of this and had apologized but yet in our friendship I had never felt that she had ever been sorry, ever even when she had hurt my feelings. I wasn't having a go at her I was just saying that we all make mistakes and we all need to say sorry sometimes, but that like she never did - period. Well, basically she wrote back to me to tell me to f*** off. I have tried twice since to drop her a line but she doesn't want to know. I really miss her, especially now cause we used to be able to talk so much. I have thought about how I would have reacted to her and I can honestly say that I wouldn't have held her honesty against her and I would have forgiven her. I told my ex boy that although I had been v pissed off I had also started to feel insecure about this friend...I got to say many a woman has cause she was probably the most attractive, intelligent, travelled, and interesting person I ever met. Anyway I told my ex and he was like, that's ok, things die in the light of exposure, it's only when we keep them in the dark they grow. That was around the same time as he started to talk about drinking again.

Well, when he started drinking again and taking drugs again he started to say a lot of stuff that previously wouldn't have come out of his mouth and this just awoke in me some elevated state of insecurity as the thoughts of his past now went round my head constantly and the things he was saying and doing made me feel like it wouldn't be long before he was indulging in all the activities that went with them. I became so paranoid. I think a lot of my guilt stems not only from feeling I have abandoned him and can't be there for him but also for my unhealthy actions in the relationship. I constantly mistrusted him. It's true he kept lying about the drugs and I could see he was starting to lie to others so then I just started to think he was lying about everything. Now I am worried about his health as I think he is back deep in the grip of addiction but in the very beginning I was probably more concerned about him being faithful to me....God, that is shocking isn't it? (Please don't hold it against me!) I don't know but when he was sober we had this tranquil little life, it was simple but it was happy. I don't know why I am even saying all this stuff.

So, what am i trying to get at? I am thinking that if I had no part to play in this chaos then it would not have hurt so much to walk away because my conscious would have been clean and as much as it hurt and I worried I would have been able to see it for what it was and simply leave. I feel like it is about more than him and his addiction, I had an addiction too, I probably still have and I have issues too. If I had not had this relationship and all its pain I don't think I would ever have looked so deeply within myself. The awful part for me about breaking up with someone in addiction was that due to losing him I couldn't really discuss the issues/argue about the issues with him..usual break up stuff.

I started off having all the sympathy (and still have probably) for being the one who got rejected in favour of drugs but having all of that silence which you don't get in a traditional break-up gave me much time to see all things and all parts of this mess for what they were. I don't know if this makes sense to anyone else or whether this is just in regard to my circumstance.

You know what too? But did you find reverberations in other relationships after your split? A mutual friend a couple of weeks got really, really upset with me, like properly mad. He said some stuff which really hurt. We were working on something together but his comments didn't feel professional just hurtful. A few months ago his comments would probably have triggered me to get mad back at him but I simply asked him to stop and didn't bite back one bit. It really came from the blue and we haven't spoken about it since as we are not due to see each other again for a short while but it really affected me for about 3-4 days. Sounds ridiculous but it triggered off this kind of self-loathing in me. Is it normal to feel so sensitive?


Today I have written so f****** much I can't believe it .......but it has felt really healing. You see if I had written to him earlier I would not have done this but instead looked only to him and concentrated on him and therefore forgotten about the real work to be done.

I have heard about the steps and am really interested in doing them. I would never have said all this before to anyone, feeling fearful or ashamed of being a not perfect, not nice human being but it does feel liberating to get it out. Do you think if I went to the meetings I could get a sponsor and do this?]I still aspire to be like he was you know because he was so very inspiring to be around. I don't think I will ever forget any of the things he told me or taught me and most of it came from the 12 step programme.

Girls, can any of you relate to any of this? I hope you don't mind this as long as it is but by writing it I just feel like I got rid of a big, fat weight. I still think there are many to go and I probably won't release them here but I will keep letting them go. That is the one thing that he told me that stays with me about things dying in the light of exposure and growing in the dark.

I am becoming more and more grateful for this experience as I work my way out of it. On the let me fall poem it says however soiled our past may be our future is spotless and I try and tell myself that when I get my pangs of guilt for not having handled it as best I could/been truly there for him and myself.

I don't know what stage I am in now but I know I am getting better.

I'd love for some of you to share and really share tonight with me. To feel free to just vomit whatever it is that you feel you can't/shouldn't/are too ashamed to so you can feel as free as I do right now.

Have the king of sleeps tonight, I know I am going to. I am so glad this is anonymous lol

xxxx

I posted here a few times ago, stopped recently because I thought it was getting better.

my AF (alco friend at this point) , I don't know what to do. obviously she isnt at the point of going to get help.

I was reading the al anon test and I answered most of the questions yes.

the one thing that caught my attention is the upsetting or canceling of plans.

here is the story, friday we were suppose to come to my house to watch a simple movie than I would bring her home.

she has the habit of making other plans and calling her friends when we are hanging out. and I told her that I'm not in the mood for any of that on friday. (told her on wednesday).

well I thought I made it clear yet when I picked her up, I had to drive her friend home who lives in the city which they don't have any money. most of her friends don't work or care about her. (most are of questionable character).

well she tells me she has to stop by a friends house to pick up 20 dollars because he owes her this money, I find this interesting and my rader goes up because I'm hoping its not one of her schemes and just hope she is telling the truth. (I also told her I'm not in the mood for one of her schemes.)

so she told me we have to go to his house, hang for 15 minutes and then she'll ask him for the money. well I'm like whatever, 15 minutes then we go watch a movie.

well we go there, he has friends over and she starts talking. half hour pass and she asked if its cool to go get some cocaine. meanwhile everyone else has been drinking and doing pot. long story short, we never went back to my place. went back to her house because she was wasted on beer, pot, cocaine and I tried driving her home because I didn't want her to continue this behavior. we got into a big scene because she still wanted to hang out with her friends meanwhile its 2am in the morning and I have to be up at 530am. I told everyone I have to be at home by 130 yet it fell on deaf ears.

well she didnt want to go home so I kept telling her to get out and go home, she didn't know what I was doing, she thinks I don't know how to act around her "friends". I almost got into fight with this hippie because he told me he didnt want to make a scene. luckily he got back into the car because it was either me protecting her or letting this piece of shyt character telling me what to do with someone I love.

so she didn't go home, she crashed at this girls house who was with us til sunday. she called me saturday to come out to a bar but I think they just needed a ride because I heard laughing in the background. I told her I wasn't going out and hung up.

sunday comes around, I knew she was going to call me for a ride home. she gave me this lie that her mom heard what happened and felt bad and she wanted me to come over for dinner, I knew it was a total bs but I went along with it. I picked up her and it was 6pm and she was already drunk. I told these so called friends "why is my friend like this?" , no one answered.

its like no one cares about this girl but me, I thought people cared but non of these people care about what can happen to her.

so I drive her home and she cancels the dinner, I told her stop lying to me and I told her that I found 4 empty beer cans in the back seat and cocaine dust on the back. she told me I need to chill and relax and if she was like 15 cans than I should be pist.

her concept of what goes on around her is warped and her point of view on things is also questionable. she lies, is cold hearted. manipulative and uses people.

when will she ever get better? her mom told me she wants to kick her out but her dad doesnt want to but I think thats the only way.

she tells me I'm socially ignorant, I don't know how to act but its because her friends dont care and I'm the only one who questions her about her drinking. I know I can't help her but do I just let her do whatever she wants?