Drug Rehab Options Blog

The ABF is in jail, and needless to say clean for a few months now. His attitude is remarkable. He attends meetings EVERYDAY, goes to church, works out, and is trying to get into a rhythm so he can keep his sober habits a float when he leaves... Now what to I worry about now? Well in the times we are in today, I am CONSTANTLY worrying about loosing my job. As you all codies know, we are known at times to be workaholics, and this is all I do. I work late hours, weekends, I even work from home on holidays... Christmas I found myself working from home... They are on a firing spree at my job, and I am just so terrified of having to start someplace new. I feel like I am always getting the short end of the stick... This worry of my ABF has transposed to my work, and I really need to stop. I am very humble and have no ego about where I work. I try to tell myself if I loose my job, then so what, I will find another. But I am staring to think this habit I have to "worry-ism" is driving me CRAZY - advice?:Xmasestar

Ok so I felt the need to write tonight...I know SHOCKER coming from me! :lmao

December has been a horrible month for me for many years now since I lost my husband-(He was not an A) he was my life, my rock. I actually sat here today and thought about Alcoholics and Codies! Yup I did! Silly me!

IMHO and from learning more and more each day as I go through recovery ....it has simply amazed me that A's and Codies do not realize how much they have in common! Sounds silly right? I know the A's are thinking is this one nutz? She has no clue what it is like....

Actually.....codies and A's come from the same place the same homes, the same up bringing. It is just that we each seek out other sources to cover our pain! I know rocket science huh?!

I just wanted to point that out even though some may know this it is just a gentle reminder...so that we all know that we at SR are all here for one another! Please make your way to each forum and spread your ESH as I know I have seen others do in this forum so often!

SR is a great recovery source for all of us! If you take a minute and think about it.......we all are here for two reasons....pain and relief!

And I love it this place and love you guys for the support you show to others! Keep moving forward!!

:a194:

I was just sitting here reading posts and one touched on the personality changes in A's. Some people think that the A's true personality comes through when they are drunk. Others say that the brain is so sick that the mind is warped and the drunk person isn't real either.
(This goes for codies too.)

So it has to be true that an A who gets sober will have a 3rd personality. The person they were before they became addicted is gone. The person they were when they were active is gone (hopefully).

There is just no way that a person who goes through addiction and recovery and works to stay there can ever be the same. I wonder if all of our A's that we love so much were to suddenly become sober and work a program (yeah I know it's only a thought) we may find that we don't really even like who they have become and they may realize they don't like who we have become.

Just a wild thought.

Hi Gang!!

The Codie vacation to St. Augustine was a blast, I never knew I could laugh that hard without hurting myself.

What a tribute to recovery that 5 Codies could accidentally meet in cyberspace and become such good friends and share a week of recovery, laughs, good times and did I say laughs?

I'm sure the others will be along with their own evidence, but thought I'd share just a couple of samples before I get organized here again and head into work for a few hours.

The highlight of our trip was a visit to the Fountain of Youth...it really works, ya know? I almost got busted for jumping the barricade but a gal has to do what a gal has to do to get some of that Youth Water, yes?

Here is our "before" pic...left to right that would be Hangin' In, Ann, Jody Hepler, CatsPajamas and Mooselips





A quick trip to the Fountain of Youth...











And our "after" results....

Lately abf has been drinking a lot more. I am still working hard on detaching, and still wondering in my mind if it is at all possible while living with him. I don't know why I'm choosing to live this way, I'm not happy, and neither is he. We're both codies. And we both affect each other so much, I think that with me being so distant (trying to detach), it only makes him more clingy, more controlling, and he focuses more on me and less recovery...I know because I do the same.

Well I have been very distant lately, and as I mentioned in a previous post I have had very little sex drive, and some of the things he does is such a turn off.

But he has been calling me at work, and when I answer he will say "Why? Why don't you love me anymore?". But he doesn't say it in a sad voice, it's almost like it's a fake, cocky kind of tone. I don't know, I'm sure he senses that I am distant. I mean even when he goes to kiss me, I find myself pulling away, I pull away from hugs, cringe when he touches me. I feel guilty because I know that he needs affection, everyone does. Or he will just look at me (as we're driving to work) and say "Why don't you love me anymore"....then last night, I was reading to my son before bed, and he hollars, from the other room "I can't get no.....Satisfaction" (like the song)....he sometimes reminds me of a kid.....if I'm paying too much attention to Ryan he's just screaming for my attention.

Then over the weekend, he was drinking and would not shut up!!!! I swear he talks just to hear his own voice....does he not realize how annoying he can be?!??! Ugh!!!!

Then Saturday night after he returns from "hunting" (and drinking "one or two"), after I had a codie relapse and yelled at him because he was drinking and lied about it......he sits all cocky and says "Did you make any desert?"....this is the behavior that drives me crazy, first of all, we have nothing to make desert with (he knew this because we already had the discussion), and second of all, it was a tactic on his part to make me feel like less of a woman.

On the way to work this morning, we were fighting over the heat. Mind you, this is MY car, I am taking him to work because he has no license...he is complaining it is too hot in there. It was such a stupid fight, but it was cold this morning, 30 degrees, and he told me all I cared about was me, and I told him it was my car and there is no reason I should have to drive to work and be cold. So then this fight turns into a bigger one (him being so impatient this morning with my son, they were going to check traps, well Ryan was getting ready fast enough for his standards, but I tried keeping quiet, not engaging in the fight)...but after him telling me I was selfish to want the heat on, I lost it about him thinking the world revolves around him and he wants things NOW, on HIS time....so then he sits there, calm as can be as I'm yelling and says "Look at you".....UGH! Like look at you all freaking out while I'm sitting here calm as can be.

:c004:



I guess we're just tolerating each other at best.
:skillet

One of these days, I'll cross that bridge for good, and when I do, there is no turning back.

So, now my addict son's druggie girlfriend has landed herself in jail, for probation violation after she ran into some guy and totaled her car, and the ofc arriving at the scene did a routine check and found a warrant out for her. Now, her parents won't bail her out, since they just footed the ticket for her last fiasco last month, her ex won't either, my son CAN'T, but now he wants me to foot the bill for her $500 bond. She has looked me in the face, lied to me, stolen from me and he wants me to bail her out? Says she's "changed". What? In the last two weeks? I don't trust either one of them yet. Trust has to be earned. I've been codie and bailed him out consistently for the last 10 to 15yrs at least, but I've warned him no more, and if he screws up again and gets busted for ANY reason, dirty UA, drug court violation, doesn't matter, he's out....(he lives in the house I own in my absense). I have been paying a lot of his bills, because he's applied for disability, but lately, I've been clamping down, and telling him he has to work out whatever I do or give to him.
On the girlfriend deal, am I wrong in refusing to bail her out? I don't think so, but now I seem to be the villian in the piece because I said no!
I need advice AND prayers for guidance to know God's will and for HIM to just take charge.

:codiepolice

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