Drug Rehab Options Blog

Here is what has been happening for the last year or so.

I drink, wicked hang-over the next day, can usually go to sleep fine that night. The next day I feel worse, but can't sleep. I stay up all night or finally fall sleep at around 6am which pushes me into a vampire sleep schedule which can last up to two weeks (or until I drink again).
I've been on this nasty cycle for weeks now and I'm tired of it.
I would stay up all night and day until I can get to sleep at a decent hour but sometimes that doesn't work- I get my second wind just around the perfect time to go to sleep comes.

I think I am going to wean myself off coffee and not drink any after 5pm.
I also heard that Kava Kava works well.
I refuse to take any sleep aids or medications, I'm deathly afraid of getting hooked on them. I took Tylenol PM three times in one month and even that scares me.

Thanks,

LD

Yesterday was an awful day, nothing felt good, not even this board.
I decided to drink and I went to the store to buy some wine and I went there and stood there looking over the many choices for what seemed like eternity. I walked out with coffee and some chocolate. Then I remembered I had this very tiny bottle of champagne at home from awhile ago and drank it. It was awful, tasted horrible, I didn't get drunk nor did I have any inclination to buy more.
Though this doesn't mean I can control my drinking.
I have done this before (rarely). I guess I am back to Day 1, but it doesn't feel like it. I know what many will say, but I just didn't want to feel as though I'm being deceptive as long as I am still on here.

Thanks,

LD

As you all know, I'm on the verge of kicking out my abf- have been trying to 'detatch' and we have all talked about that.

With that being said, I have been doing realitvly well, basically ignoring his behavior, and setting my boundries.

One of my boundries, is to not allow his addiction to directly impact MY life and happiness- this is where things are getting sticky for me.

Any help you can offer will be helpful.

This a.m.... he must be out of his pills. I've suffered through 2 sleepless nights, because he must be experiencing some affects of the pills- he is exhibiting sleep apnea- (LOUD snoring- with no breaths for 10 sec. in between) It's keeping me up.

Night sweats, with him wakeing me saying his heart is 'freaking out'..... but refuses to go to the doc/or hospital.

He sleeps much later than he used to- now I get ready for work and am out of the house before he is up. (we used to get up together, I'd make coffee- while he showered... blaba bla.)

With the recent shift in his behavior, I get up by myself- and get ready etc.

TODAY- here is the part I need help with (but wanted u to know the background) I got up - was in the bathroom- when he yelled from the bed "YOU ARE HOGGING THE BATHROOM- EVERY DAY - I HAVE TO WAIT FOR YOU... WHILE YOU GET READY FOR ALL THE GUYS YOU WORK WITH- THIS IS F***** RIDICIOULOUS!!!!!!!!!"

I told him to kiss my ***!! And left for work.

I tried calling him, and when he finally returned my calls- I told him I refused to walk on eggshells with him anylonger. He actually attempted to justify saying what he said.- I tried to cut him off and tell him that his health is suffering- and his moods are out of control, and I wasn't going to allow a man in my life to talk to me like that.

I told him that this is a direct result of his addiction- and It wasn't fair to have me be the brunt of his moodiness.....

He just kept cutting me off- telling me that HE walks on eggshells, that he wanted to get in the bathroom - that I take too long, that I told him to kiss my *** and had no right to say that.....

I can't talk to him.

Talking dosen't work.

I tried not to go round and round with him-

But trying to enforce my boundries of refuseing to be talked to like that - caused me to have a discussion that went NOWHERE!!!!!

What do I do?? I don't know where to turn. I leave these conversations trying to figure out how I could have handled it differently.

I was attempting to not tell him to LEAVE- because he always says I just 'throw him out' like it's nothing.....

I feel so stuck. I can't talk about anything with him- (unless he's high- and in a good mood) Ignoring it - isn't working- because I have to live day to day with dr. jeckyl and mr. hyde. I don't feel comfortable asking him to just LEAVE, I'm not comfortable having him there- and dealing with all of the above constantly......

Please, any insight?? I'm frightend, scared, sad, angry, bitter, resentful, and sad sad sad.... all wrapped up in one. I am back to questioning MYSELF- I don't understand why my brain is playing tricks on me.

I'm assuming it's because I'm still trying to find a shred of evidence that it's worth hanging on.....

Thankyou all for listening to me again. I feel like a burden- I'm grateful for your patience with me - while I walk through this very long, hurtful process.
Love
Cessy

After reading about the personality traits of most codependent people, I find it hard to believe that every human on this earth isn't codependent in some way. Do any of you actually know someone who has no codependent behavoirs? Who are these people and were they born this way?????????? I would think that a super caring person..like a nun...would qualify but, does she care too much? Maybe not having any of these afflictions would make for a really boring life. I'm just sitting here sipping my coffee and thinking...hummmmmmm????

Hi, I'm curious about myself as usual... I'm 196 days sober, I don't know if I'm going through PAWS or what...

I'm always worried/fearful of things, small or large, OCD constantly of things such as dog hair... but lately I've been losing track of time quickly, for example even though I think it's been longer than a month I don't know how long it's been since I've been drinking 2 cups of coffee a day which could be ... maybe giving me a bad letdown every day after it you think?... After I drink it I feel a little active but then I don't... I've done it to stay awake at times but I also have horrible sleeping patterns anyway, ... and I feel less interest for the things I do.

I've gone up and down up and down from 50mg to 100mg of Zoloft about 3 times now, I know it sounds irresponsible but I'm just trying to find the right dosage... there was a time I was happier about the things I did without drinking coffee... now it takes me a Xanax to feel better but it's only for so long... it's like I can never win... my memory is so bad as it is... and I'm so impatient lately... I... the.... ugh!!!... >_<'... it feels terrible...

Hi. I just stumbled on this site while looking for ways to help me stop drinking, and I thought registering would be a good idea.

I am 27 years old. My mother passed away in 2001. That's when I started drinking more and more. At first, it was a beer. Then came the bottles of rum. For a time, I was very depressed, and I used to drink almost everyday 3 cans (50 cl.) of 10° beer, with the occasional bottle of rum thrown in. As long as I have alcohol in my house, I'm tempted to drink it.

I don't like this. Not at all. I want to break free, and I believe I can do it. I'm posting here instead of the other forum, though, because personally I am against the 12-step program of AA and the involvement of God. And accepting the fact that it is an "illness" (sorry if some of this offends you, it's just what I think). It is, unfortunately, an addiction.

Lately, my life took a turn for the better. I found a well-paying job, which I really love. Drinking has been intermittent. Sometimes I drank, sometimes I didn't. Lately it feels almost like I'm in control of it (and the key word is "almost"). The urge to drink has been minor (but nonetheless present, although sated with only a gulp of beer or a slightly spiked coffee). I've rarely let alcohol compromise my job position, even less recently. I can go by days without drinking, or drinking a very slight amount of something (but this has been after a big party where there was no one left standing at the end). I've limited alcohol to social appearances and forbid it at home, and so far I'm standing fast (but then again, I got drunk at the aforementioned party).

To make a long story short, I feel like this is the moment I can manage to get this beast on a chain. The dull pain i feel in my chest, in someplace that COULD be my liver, may help.

I think I may be an alcoholic. I want to stop. I want to get it under control if possible, eliminate it if not. I wanted to join a support group, but I live in a foreign country, and I don't speak the national language here. Any advice you will give me will be most welcome.

Sharpen Your Ax


A young man approached the foreman of a logging crew and asked for a job. "That depends," replied the foreman. "Let's see you fell this tree." The young man stepped forward, and skillfully felled a great tree. Impressed, the foreman exclaimed, "You can start Monday."

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday rolled by--and Thursday afternoon the foreman approached the young man and said, "You can pick up your paycheck on the way out today."

Startled, the young man replied, "I thought you paid on Friday."

"Normally we do," said the foreman. "But we're letting you go today because you've fallen behind. Our daily felling charts show that you've dropped from first place on Monday to last place today."

"But I'm a hard worker," the young man objected. "I arrive first, leave last, and even have worked through my coffee breaks?"

The foreman, sensing the young man's integrity, thought for a minute and then asked, "Have you been sharpening your ax?"

The young man replied, "No sir, I've been working too hard to take time for that!"

Our lives are like that. We sometimes get so busy that we don't take time to "sharpen the ax." In today's world, it seems that everyone is busier than ever, but less happy than ever. Why is that? Could it be that we have forgotten how to stay sharp?

There's nothing wrong with activity and hard work. But God doesn't want us to get so busy that we neglect the truly important things in life, like taking time to pray, to read and study Scripture, or to listen to "the still small voice of God." We all need time to relax, to think and meditate, to learn and grow. If we don't take time to sharpen the ax,
we will become dull and lose our effectiveness.

Sorry everyone, this is kind of a two-for-one here.


I think one of the biggest blocks to my staying sober (as of a year ago, I have not been able to stay sober longer than two weeks, before that it was much shorter) was fear of having a new life.
I've had one foot in A.A. and the other foot out for the last two years.
I've been too afraid to fully climb aboard A.A. because I feared it would be boring, sterile and bland. I'm afraid of the stigma of being part of a 'cult'.
I don't know how to socialize with people while sober.


I have held back telling my friends (or the ones I have left- who all drink to excess) that I can't go out with them anymore (and to do *anything* with them is to go out and drink). The rare times I have gone out with them and not drink, they're practically in convulsions by the end because they're jonesing to go to a bar.
I can't go on Myspace or Facebook anymore because everyone of my friend's status says something to the extent of 'I'm going out to a bar'. Sometimes just even seeing these people faces makes me want to drink because of the association.
I live in a town where pretty much the only fun for people is go out to a bar.
Even during the monthly Art Walk (where you get to go to all the Museum's in the city for free) there is complimentary wine (my drink of choice) EVERYWHERE.
It seems with everything that's fun to do here, there is some element of alcohol present. Nice restaurant? = HUGE wine list!
And I have not yet mastered being able to go to a bar or other situation where there is drinking and not drink. I've tried and I've done it before but I usually end up being bored, having a panic attack or giving in to the first drink.

But I need to socialize!

The only other option is to completely surrender myself to A.A.
I have issues with going to meetings all the time. I have issues with going to the meetings at night because I feel really amped up afterwards and can;t sleep from the coffee or have alot of my mind. Many of the night meetings are in area's I don't feel safe or have alot of horny young guys which I find irritating and distracting and they seem to be the only ones who will talk to me!

The morning and afternoon meetings are great, but by the time evening rolls around, I'm bored and I simply forget that I'm trying to quit drinking.
I know what the answer to this is, is to call people in A.A. and see if they want to do something, but it's been alot of my experience that they're too busy or untrusting of me because I can't seem to get thirty days together.
I lost a dear friend in A.A. over my constant relapses, and there seems to be this wariness of newcomer's, though I totally understand.

I can't just sit at home alone in front of my computer every night.
Does anyone have any suggestions for what they did for fun in early sobriety?

Thanks alot!

I've been reading SR for a while now, and I guess I am pushing on close to 100 days of recovery now. I got my 3 month chip last Thursday, but I don't really count days, just kind of eyeball them if I even think about it.

Lots has changed. And it continues to get better all the time thanks to God, AA, and forums like this one that allow me to work at it. Sobriety is very important to me today.

Today is a Friday and the last thing I am even thinking about is drinking, although I do have an AA meeting on my schedule. It is about 20 minutes away, but it is a good meeting and a bunch of us go out for dinner afterwards. Friday used to be the start of the weekend binge but not today.

On Wednesday I went out for a Christmas banquet with a group that I volunteer with. There were 44 people there. Our local DA who is now retired and my former attorney were there, the same one who kept me out of jail for my stupid alcoholic behaviour with the same DA being the one who could have locked me up for 3 months. I never thought I would see the day that I would be accepted in the same rooms as them. That really made me feel good.

Last Friday I went to the jailhouse with another alcoholic to spread the message to those still suffering. The last time I was in there I vowed that I wanted to be someone who would come back sober and try to help others. The place is nothing like I remember it, and its great to be able to leave and feel grateful.

My local group has given me a key to the church where we hold our AA meetings. I open up, make coffee and get the rooms ready. We had a snow storm last night but that did not stop me, nor others from coming out.

I don't worry about a lot of things I used to worry about. I just try to do the next right thing and keep things in today.

For the person who said they were shy and that the meeting was so far away.....go. You will, if you are diligent and serious discover some great people there, and acceptance.

After 28 years of drinking, I have more sobriety today than I ever have had, and I am doing it one day at a time.

So to those in their first month, just hang in there.....it gets better.

so, as i have posted i have strong suspicions of girlfriend's drug use. i have posted about the evidence in other threads. there has bee nno tangable evidence, but there seems to be "something about her." i posted how last weekend she seemed not herself. she claimed to have had smoked good weed, but she was high basically all night. maybe i am grasping. but then last night i picked her up around midnight. she was "off", like she was stoned, but she said she didnt even smoke any weed. speech was slightly slurred and she basically was up all night unable to really sleep. i had loads of coffee, she doenst drink it. then this morning she sounded more herself, same with this afternoon.

i cannot decide if i am trying to find something or if it is really there. i dont know what to think anymore.