Drug Rehab Options Blog

Hi I am new and relapsed after approx 20 yrs of recovery.

I was bulimarexic before I got married. When I became pregnant and then married, I stopped cold turkey and never looked back. I guess I felt loved and a sense of responsibility to my baby and husband and self.

I got divorced - then a few relationships later, the last one to a demeaning addict, I ended up bulimic again.

This relationship ruined me on so many levels. I got counseling and went to Naranon but it hasnt stopped this rollercoaster of feeling like an unloveable failure.

The addict contacted one of my ex bfs who was abusive to me and decided it would be fun to terrorize me via emails and practical jokes. Part of the reason I ended the relationship is the immaturity of both of them.

I feel really bad about myself and feel hungry a lot. But even when i am not hungry i am angry at what a failure I am. i dont want to date or go out with friends anymore. After my marriage ended things got worse for me. I suffer from depression and anxiety but was doing well until I dated the addict. I started to get sick along with his illness. I had to get out of it.

I find myself angry so much now. I feel like a loser and useless and unloved. I wish I never got divorced seeing the kind of dating scene out there now. I dont even feel like trying anymore.

Counseling really didnt help - I tried but the two exes wouldnt stop harassing me and I felt more and more useless and hated. How could two adult men find joy in this? It worked. I wish they would leave me alone.

Please help me. I am so afraid.

I am already glad I found you all. A year ago the Alzheimers forums were my life line (I was primary care giver for my grand father until he died), and I find myself once again unable to cope on my own.

I am 42, and have been drinking since I was 15 minus a few good years. I have always only been a 6pack at night, 12 pack on the weekends nights girl, no hiding booze or daytime drinking. I beat a gnarly meth addiction 15 years ago cold turkey on my own.

Many of my friends and family are binge/black out drinkers, and I am always the one trying to keep them safe and telling the stories the next day.

Last Saturday (12/27) it was my turn to over indulge. I had a party, woke up the next day with a hellacious headache, and heard a story from my 21 year old daughter. Someone I love very much came out to find me and her husband in a sexual situation, and I believe others who know and love us both were there and encouraging the behavior.

I feel like I will never be able to face myself in a mirror again. This is not me, this is not who I am. I dont remember any of it. I want to not believe it, but I do. I cant talk to my daughter without crying of the shame. I will never be able to face any of the people involved again.

The only way I can see a light anywhere at the end of this mess, the only hope I have, is that I will never drink again so that nothing like this EVER has a chance of happpening again.

I hurt so badly I could die

Hello! I am new to the this forum but have searched it for advice in the past and have been lurking for the past month. I am off of Oxycontin for a month now, started cold turkey and then have been on Suboxone for about two weeks

I am also on:

Adderall
Klonopin
Zoloft

and have just started

Lunesta and Sonata

Just wondering what other people's experiences are with these drugs and recovery. Just a quick note to get started is what this is, really! Trouble with insomnia and depression (look at the meds). Things have been rocky so far, especially with the holidays, but I have not relapsed and the Sub is managing things very well! I have a great doctor and other people I am working with, but I decided not to go the inpatient route for a number of reasons, chief among them are privacy and not wanting my life disrupted any more than it has to be.

So I guess I am looking for some support here, support that would be kind of akin to what "group" meetings are about, in that I would hear from people who have had similar experiences. I am eager to get involved and offer what experience and help I can. Hope you guys are as welcoming as the board seems!

My first question is about the drugs I am currently on, I can post dosages in a later thread if it would help, and I know it may seem unusual but they are all scripted from one doc...I know some won't prescribe benzo's or adderall or others to someone who is coming off an addiction but I'm only taking whats scripted for me.

posternutbag

I posted this in a thread I hopped in yesterday. Yesterday was the first day I actually realized, and knew and told myself, im addicted to Heroin. I was a wreck yesterday, a mess. this crumbled my life to the core. But I am going to try CT tonight. I am going tio post this here in the hopes of getting more responses. I know im going to get alot of "you are not really being clean if youre still taking" etc... Realize. when I stop H, I will still have to take some type of pain killer for a medical condition I have. Im not hiding behind that, I being for real. I want to know is taking OXYS or such while im CTing from H, will it only prolong the addiction, like does my body see them as the same opiate, so taking the OC is just like smoking the H? i wont get off the ****... Welp heres the post.

OH! MERRY XMAS ALL!

"Ok, Im a little calmer now... I still am gonna try to cold turkey tonight. Questionand no one seems to answer it. Ok, I have a condition and really do have chronic pain, thats where i think all this started. But anyways, I have access to a constant supply (limited right now til i get into a doc this week), but I do have some. Like i said I know I( shouldnt substitute one drug for another but, if i take some oxy when the WDs get real real bad, and do that till im out of the woods. Am i gonna be hooked on OCs then? Or will the taking the oc make the heroin addiction still be there, since its still an opiate?? I also have some Wellbutrin, Phenobarbital(that will be handy im sure for the anxiety, some 20 MG ocs, and some 5mg percocets..about 40 of those. Help please???!! I dont want to be thinking Im getting off dope the whole time but me taking the OC is going to make the addiction to dope still be there? Im going to post this somewhere else also, in the hopes of getting more responses. Thank you all so far in your replys!!! I will keep you updated."

An anecdotal experience that might be helpful . . .

A few years ago, I tapered off of a 15 mg/day hydro habit down to 2.5 mg. Quitting was pure hell. I suffered from G.I. distress, RLS, and insomnia. Those things were tolerable, but the depression and lethargy weren't. I felt like sleeping all of the time but couldn't. I figured that I was just reaping the rewards of a 8 year opioid affair.

It took a few weeks before I felt civil and a few months before I re-approached anything like normal.

Afterwards, tests run during a routine colonoscopy (i.e. an odyssey to my ileum) determined that I was anemic; specifically I was lacking folic acid.

I started taking OTC folic acid and that fixed my anemia. Today marks the 2nd day of no meds, and except for some gut sensitivity, mentally I'm just fine. I know I'm not out of the woods yet, but the difference is huge.

I'm thinking that WDs are easier this time because I'm a lot healthier. The moral of the story may be to have a thorough check-up and blood work before you quit cold turkey or taper. It seems that certain deficiencies can make the whole process a lot more difficult.

Will post if anything changes quickly . . .

Buzz

I'm detoxing from opioids tomorrow. I'm incredibly scared, overwhelmed and anxious. I am going to an NA meeting tonight for the first time with my mom. I know this is the right thing to do but since I have tried suboxone and methadone to get off and never worked I'm really apprehensive about quitting cold turkey. I know as long as I have support of my family, my boyfriend, hopefully this board and maybe a few new friends I might meet tonight I know I can do this. I'm not looking forward to the withdrawls. I just need you alls love :) Im 22 I have a long road ahead of me, i have a promising future and i loved to party a little too much. I am so not optimistic right now, I get panic attacks/anxiety so I'm completely thinking the worst about my situation. I think Ive already made a bad choice by deciding I was going to go all out today. I'm not going to overdose, ive given all my money to my mom so i wont be buying more and I didnt get a lot to begin with but Ive definitely taken quite a bit today and im afraid im going to definitely feel the effects tomorrow. do you all suggest I try to sleep it out tomorrow?

Has anyone successfully detoxed from oxys with suboxone? I was using 150mg a day of oxycodone, went on suboxone three weeks ago. I'm now on 3mg a day, and am hoping to wean off in the next couple of weeks. Is this possible? I feel ok, but very sleepy, like nodding off. I can't tell if this is withdrawal or a side effect of the sub. I had attempted several times to quit cold turkey from the oxys, couldn't handle the extreme lethargy I felt even after five days clean. I have read that suboxone can be worse . . . any success stories out there; is it really possible to detox using the suboxone in six weeks like the doctor has told me?

Well... it's been 47 hours since my last shot of Vodka.... and I started the Ativan a couple of hours after that. I am not sure why I feel so tired this time... maybe because I have taken a little more ativan that I usually would and it's hitting me. Usually, after 24 hours the throwing up stops... but it has gotten worst today. I got clausterphobic in the grocery store and a little faint and had to leave hubby to pay for the groceries... and then I got so sleepy I came home and tried to sleep... but three phone calls and a bad charley horse later, I am back up and about... I am due for an ativan now, but I am thinking of taking 1/4 pill....

WHY WHY WHY WHY do I go through this? It's feels like crap when I drink.... hangovers feel like crap so I drink more to kill the hangover and then I feel worse when I am drunk... and then I get to this place where I am detoxing and I want to die I feel so bad (although i am not suicidal, lol... I just feel like death warmed over)...

I don't WANT to drink again. Thought of a shot of anything makes me want to toss my cookies... I am HAPPY when I am sober. I am MISERABLE when I am drunk.

Why do I to this to myself? Hubby says he wishes I could have a drink and be fine with one. I am not. I have proven that time again. THANK GOD he does not drink at all... I quit when I am pregnant. Cold turkey no questions asked... drinking a drop would never happen. I wish I could have another baby, lol... get 40 more weeks of sob!

But Why do we do this to ourselves?

I'll make this short for now, because due to my lack of internet service at home i just spent around 30 minutes typing up a huge introduction post from my cellphone, and because it took so long, i was automatically logged out of the forums and lost it all.

I am addicted to amphetamines (adderall). My roommate/best friend and his girlfriend are both recovering addicts (morphine for him & alcohol fr her), and although only one of them knows about my problem, they (along with a few traumatic events) have inspired me to get help.

However, because I've read that it's not the best idea to quit taking aderrall cold turkey, i am going to detox/wean myself off of it by steadily decreasing my dosage to none. So I guess I actually have 2 questions:

1. Am I still welcome here as I go through this process, even though I am still taking the pills? I'm mostly looking for support, but I don't want to hurt anyone else's recovery.

2. Is it acceptable for me to start working 'the steps' (AA/NA steps) while i am in this process? I think it might help inspire me not to give up.

Thanks!

alright, so when i posted my first thread yesterday, i really didn't say much about myself. so, here goes...

i have been struggling with an addiction to opiates, i.e. lortabs or other opiate based pain killers, for about a year. i first started taking them to help with my scoliosis, because i work as a cocktail waitress, which entails walking eight to ten miles a day with a ten to twenty pound tray. i began seeing a chiropractor, which helped with the back pain, but i continued to take the lortabs because they ensured i would be pain free at work, and they also gave me energy and made me feel great. but after a few months of taking them every day, i stopped having that happy feeling, and was just plain cranky and irritable. then i started crushing them up and snorting them. gross, i know. stupid, i know.

one day, i didn't have any lortabs, but i didn't think much of it. i felt like i was coming down with a cold, and ended up having to leave work for the night. i got more lortabs, and felt fine. then i ran out again and was sick for two days...sweating, yawning, chills, runny nose and watery eyes. then i realized what was happening: i was going through withdrawals. every time i ran out of pills, i would have to call in sick to work. i tried quitting cold turkey, but just couldn't handle being sick. so i kept taking them, thinking "this time, instead of taking one, i'll only take half. i'll taper myself off". it never happened. eventually, it went from taking one during an eight hour shift, to taking 3 to 4 10mg lortabs in a shift. i was taking 5-8 a day.

then, my electricity got cut off. i had no money to pay my bills. i was working every day to cover the cost of my addiction, and i felt completely worthless. i didn't want to go to rehab because i didn't want my boyfriend to know how serious the problem had become. but i was running out of options.

finally, he and i got into a huge fight, and he threw my addiction in my face. it was like the elephant in the room that no one talks about. i felt like going home and overdosing, because he made me feel like a complete junkie loser. i started researching treatment options.

so, here i am today, on day two of my suboxone program, and i couldn't be happier. i feel like i've opened the door to a whole new life.

thanks for reading, and thanks for the support! :Dance7: