Drug Rehab Options Blog

Here it is. A new year. A new beginning so to speak. Resolutions are good and all. But for me. A new year is like wiping the slate clean. I always feel so much more hopeful at the turn of a year.
Even though any day is the best day to give yourself another chance. And everyday theres always hope.
A new year just seems a little more like a newer beginning.
2007 was the worst year I have ever had in my addiction. For the first time in a 20 year addiction. I almost lost all hope, the will to even try, my life at my own hand.
2008 wasnt perfect. But it was so much better. I can say I had alot more high points than low ones.
And by high points I mean good moments in life.
I have learned so much in the time I have been here at SR.
I have learned alot about myself, my addiction, my recovery, and compassion for others.
I have learned that it is possible to heal.
But most of all I learned that perfect strangers can and will stand by someone in need no matter what.
I have shared my ugliest and my best here with all of you.
And everytime...I found support, understanding, forgiving, love, tough love..unconditional acceptance from people who have never met me face to face.
And alot of times even others here that are going through so much themselves, Always take the time to show they care.
Finding this site is one of the best things that could ever have happened to me.
You all have helped me grow. You have helped me want to keep fighting.
None of you will ever really know how much every one of you mean to me. From the newcomer who reminds me where I came from. To the oldtimers who remind me what it is that I am fighting for.
And everyone in between who reminds me this is a process and we arent perfect.
Thank you all of you. I have never been so serious as I am right now when I say.
You are my family. I care a whole lot about you. And I literally owe my life to you.
Thanks for being here and always having my back.
I know I am a tough person to deal with sometimes. Not as much as I was when I first came here. LOL..I am sure some of you can remember what that was like.
But you accepted me with open arms and always forgave.
And this is not only with me I see this happen with. It is everyone who comes here.
This place really is amazing.
Happy New Year everyone.
Heres to new beginnings and another year of winning this fight.

In your effort to not hijack kingston's thread, I thought I'd just start a new one:

Happy Birthday to You
Happy Birthday to You
Happy Belated Birthday Dear Barbara52
Happy Birthday to You

How's that?! Thank you for all of the wisdom you have shared, and the compassion you share it with!!

Hi everyone. Well here I sit reading SR on the morning of New Years Eve. I read/post on SR every morning with my tea, it's become my morning ritual.

2008 has been quite a year for me and I would like to thank everyone for their support. Six months ago I never would have believed all that has happened to me.

I left my AH after 20+ years, we had split up before when he was in and out of rehab. I finally reached the point where I had enough. When I left I was consumed with anger, bitterness, hurt, betrayal, guilt and a sense of failure. Failure as a being and failure as a wife/woman.

The big aha moments for me:

he didn't "do" anything to me that I didn't allow
I've learned and am still learning the "why" I felt and accepted this behavior from him
I really started to grow and change when I accepted and acknowledged that I gave my power away

Where I am right now:

For the most part I'm in the "now", I don't obsess about the past but rather look at it with eyes that say look how far I've come. I'm proud of who I am.
I look at my future with eagerness, I can't wait to see and experience all the positive changes that are coming my way.
I've surrounded myself with positive and supportive people that I love and respect
I have a job that I find rewarding and challenging
My home is peaceful and tranquil
I've rediscovered my spiritual being
I've lost 40+ pounds and quit smoking
I've taken up daily meditation
I attend yoga classes 3 times a week
I hike on the weekends - rain, shine, snow doesn't stop me.

It has and will continue to be "work" but I like this type of work. It hasn't been easy either, I've felt the gut wrenching pain that A brings into our lives but now I've felt the joy that freedom from this chaos brings and also the pride in discovering true self esteem.

I pray that 2009 will bring peace and tranquility to all who are going thru similar voyages. I pray that we all have compassion for those addicts who are still suffering. I pray that we all find joy in our lives. Here's to 2009 may it be the start of the best years of our lives.

I heard that line in a movie last night and howdy did it get my attention. It summed up nicely all my thoughts over the last month or so.

From my RAD to my mother who is wrapped up in my probably mentally ill sister's latest drama. From my son who struggles with compassion and detachment, to my husband who I finally realized has a lot of fear related to love.

All I can give them, and will continue to give, is the gift of love. I've detached from all their issues and discovered I love them more than I thought. No exchange needed, it is mine to give up close and personal, or from afar.

And I'm scared! Mostly because what got me into counseling was a mandatory request by my employer. I HOPE that I can make the impression that I want this so bad too, I'm not another 'mandatory counseling' person. I want to do the work, I want this for me. I'm trusting in his experience, which is lengthy, and compassion as a psychologist that he knows sometimes we just need an extra push to get moving in the right and desired direction.

I'll check back after.. it's only 10:30 here, and my appt is at 2:30.

Eep!:e052:

I'm also hoping that my experience AS a counselor doesn't make me blab all my clinical mumbo jumbo about self diagnosis junk, and that I can just drop that hat and be ME, the chick who needs his help.

... about how damaging it was for me when I was part of a yoga sect and addicted to spiritual practices. I used the practices many many times a day, in an attempt to 'purify' myself and be acceptable to the group.
Anger was frowned upon. I had to suppress my anger.
I was told I wasn't grounded, yet I was desperate to escape myself.
And the practices didn't purify me at all, in fact they stirred up the shadows all the more. Which made me practice all the more.
The sect leaders were way out of their depth with the degree of emotional damage I had. Yet they clung to me, lured me in deeper and deeper, getting me to train as a teacher of their method.
One of the practices is clearly written in the book not to be used by people with 'emotional difficulties'. Despite my, and other members, being clearly emotionally vulnerable noone ever discouraged me or warned me. In fact the most emotionally vulnerable seemed to be the ones drawn into teaching.

I did get some good things from my time with the organisation, don't get me wrong.
But.
It still has the power to make me angry.
And the first ever counsellor I saw, through work for 6 sessions, said she didn't think I needed to be referred onto anyone because I had the yoga group.
Well, 12 years later I can clearly say how very wrong she was. Unless of course she thought I wasn't ready for further help.
But I went from her to having to resign my job [long story, if anyone doesn't mind hearing?] and supply teach. In inner London. Which added further damage, re-traumatisation.

I did eventually get into therapy, and onto medication, and get a healthy job and a safer place to live. And the courage to leave the group and the practices far behind.

And now, with the help of a very good therapist, I am re-framing my relationship with my own spirituality and living closer to the ideals of my heart, growing in compassion and self acceptance.

Anyone else with similar experiences, empathy or understanding?

Well I am doing ok only I got a message on facebook from my ex. we broke up 6 weeks ago. I had known her as a friend for years and then I travelled abroad to see her, I hadn't seen her for years. It became romantic leading up to that. Very intense. It was complicated. She had kids. I was drinking on the plane over and in the hotel. I especially over did it the night before I left to return home and I drank that morning too before she took me to the airport. The fact is that without drink I felt that this relationship was doomed. I just felt I had to show the love I had felt for years. She broke up with me by text not cos of drink but cos she changed her mind about her priorities. I was so upset I drank myself into hospital. Since that shock sober. I have had bad depression, suicidal and anxiety to boot.
Now I hear from her again. She maybe wants to tell me how bad she feels, I was a shoulder to cry on, you see. I had to listen to all her problems with her ex husband even when we were together. She is someone who is always sick and needs to have someone take care of her and loves to talk about herself all the time, how much she is suffering, how hard life is.

She accused me of giving her a STD which really offended me and eventhough I nearly died she never really showed me compassion.

So I told her in a text that she hurt me. Now I hear from her again after weeks. I am too fragile to communicate with her.

I wonder, I deleted the message without hesitation but I still in some way care about her of course, as a friend. I am afraid she will hurt me with words. I am afraid her coldness or talk about her own problems will upset my recovery.
I need to be strong and heal fully with my therapy and medication before trying to handle her, it is hard though... to ignore someone and run the risk of never being in contact with them again....

My therapist said I need to protect myself. I said " I will a little " and she said, "not a little, a lot!"

So I will delete anything she sends me, hope she is not in some danger (as my paranoid mind would tell me) and after a few months if we are still meant to be friends then ok.

What do you think ?

Thanks for reading :)

My alcoholic husband has now been dry for 5 weeks. He has not accessed other support or recovery programs (besides couples counselling) so the alcoholic mindset and knee jerk behaviours are still there. On the positive side, he is doing a good job of keeping his anger inside and not yelling. I'm still getting emotionally abused through criticisms but it isn't the nutty, chaotic behaviour of an alcoholic.

I have been going to Al-Anon for 5 weeks and I've had the most amazing insights. 15 years of therapy make sense to me now. To make it explicit I know that his drinking and all that follows is not all about me but about him reacting to the way he has been raised. Even his sober behaviour is a product of the negativity in early life.

Same goes with me. My knee-jerk reactions are a product of my upbringing. With that knowledge I have found it actually easy (and I never thought it could ever be) to tune him out and detach with love. I don't need to bite my tongue and inwardly seethe. I feel a lot of compassion for him. For 5 weeks I have not had my anger spill out at the kids and I have been very patient. Yes, I get annoyed when things go wrong but then I think "What can I do differently?" and if there is nothing, then I accept.

So why am I writing? I feel good and bad at the same time. I feel good that I am no longer angry and bitter. I feel good that he is dry. I feel good that the children are in a better family home. I feel good that he is making a committment to go to counselling. I feel bad about the past behaviour I was willing to accept. Things were particularly nutty three years ago on both sides. Him drinking heavily, my shrieking and hysteria. I feel ashamed and guilt ridden about what my first child has seen when she was an infant. (I thought that it wasn't affecting her because she was too young to understand).

Nowadays, I feel sadness that I suspect my union with my husband will never progress beyond what it is now. It is unhappy but my thinking right now is that the children are too young (3 and 1) to be bounced around two households if there is no active alcoholism. Do I have to have a perfect marriage? I now think that word 'perfect' is alcoholic thinking. The all or nothing mentality.

My boundaries are as follows: no alcohol in the house and I never want to see him drunk again. I know he thinks it is about manipulation and control but I have put these in place for the children's protection and my sanity. If he crosses the boundary I will leave the marriage. Once again this is not a threat or an ultimatum. It simply is that I never want to see him drunk again. With the support of al-anon I think I can handle the marriage. However even if he stays a dry drunk, if I feel like I am losing my grip on my sanity, I will leave.

Where to begin. I've been writing posts and then just deleting them. You know when things have been so bad; but not out of control bad. I do not have real reason to kick him out bad; but things have an under lying evil, bad. Maybe I should hit the delete button.

My AH keeps talking about getting a puppy. I of course said we are not getting one; for all the usual (too much work and I'm the only one who would be around to do it) reasons. It's kind of gone back and forth; but I've been told that no matter what he's bringing home a puppy sometime after Christmas. He's never even home to take care of anything living. When I said I wasn't taking care of it. I was threatened with divorce told I would have to live on welfare. Told what a rotten wife I am. Threatened how he would make sure to do me out of money from the sale of our house. On and on it went. Kind of like torture. He ended our "talk" with that "we" where going to work on our relationship. That's all crap. Working on it means me just shutting up and doing what he wants.

I hardly had time to wonder about hiring a private investigator when two days later I had surgery. He chased my children out of the room while I was under and when I woke up there he was. He put on quite the loving husband show. Thank God for my 22 year old daughter living with me or for the past 3 days I would be trapped in my room.

Today he just told me he wanted to know how long before I could decorate the Christmas tree. I have two holes in my stomach I'm glad he has such compassion! I'm sure if I'm not well by Saturday there will be an issue if I can't make it to his work Christmas party.

Anyway, Thanks for letting me complain... But I really need extra prayers. I need to find a place to rent so I can get out of here. My daughter has been waiting for full-time at her hospital or part-time at another hospital (she's going to help with rent when we leave)...I need a place that accepts pets...I also need prayer for safety...he keeps making me feel that some how he's dangerous even though he's never "really" hurt me.

Thanks all... Oh Don't worry I'm not telling him that I'm leaving! Until after...And no forwarding address...

I found out my husband was an A in April. He had been a frequent traveller(35 business trips last year alone) and hid his alcoholism from me for the past 5 years. That same day, I also found out that he had been a serial cheater for the last 1.5 years(8 prostitutes, 1 bar ****, 12 other make out sessions to some degree and ALWAYS scamming for opportunity). We have been together since the age of 17(19 years) and the cheating was only an issue in the last 1.5 years. My request is this, can anyone out there, explain how they loved their wife and turned their back on her for bar whores and prostitutes(sidenote- I've kept myself in really good shape and most people guess me at 28 rather than 37)? Or, can anyone offer examples of doing things that are completely against their morals that they can completely blame alcoholism for? I just can't understand throwing away 19 years of love & friendship/destroying your wife for a hooker(s). My heart is so broken, I barely feel sane.

Important side note, my husband has completely gotten into AA and is becoming the person I always thought he was which is why I'm trying to find a way to forgive/have compassion.

Another note, if you feel strongly that this should not be forgiven, please don't post. That is my natural instinct and I'm trying to hard to find compassion for my husband and to keep our family together(2 children). Right now, I need to hear the other side of it.

Thanks for your help!