Drug Rehab Options Blog

I don't know. I'll see if I can make this short and understandable. lol.
I've been seeing this guy off and on and I don't know what to think.
They say if it's to good to be true.... Well.... He's rich, amazingly cute,
a doctor, and nice. At first everything we did was easy and fun.
I'm sure you know where this is going, it wasn't long, before I started
seeing his 'other side'. But after each time something happened he
had some reason, usually work, etc. I didn't get it because it came out
of the blue, and then he would be fine again. And sorry..

So fast forward to yesterday. We get into a wreck, the guy who hits us gets out, and he goes crazy. I try and get him to stop and he shoves me again, it turns into a huge ordeal, and finally the cops come.

So we end up at the ER. I had a concussion and a cut my head, nothing major.
Yesterday was a little strange, I don't know how to explain it.
Just a weird experience. Then when we leave they give me some Vicodin,
I tell them no it's okay, and he says, No, you need it, and he takes it.

After we got to his house, he was being his normal self, I felt fine besides my headache, then we decide to watch a movie, and he gives me a Vicodin and it wasn't long before I start feeling sick. So I decide to leave and he freaks
By the time I get home, I was a complete mess.

I haven't told any of my friends about what is going on or him, I'm not even sure why, or I guess because things got weird so fast, and I guess I called one of my friends and was crying, I don't remember that. I just remember throwing up all night and a few random things.
So I don't think it was a Vicodin he gave me.

I met him for lunch today and the first thing I ask him is, sooo.
What the hell did you give me last night, and he starts to :c004:

I just looked at him and said, Really..... Your going to yell at me........
Are you going to shove me again too, or hit me.....

He apologizes like he always does.. He just can't believe I would accuse
him of such a thing, after I tell him what happened, he goes into this
long reason, why...... He's a doctor, he always has good reasons.

Then he tells me......... That he booked us tickets to go to Hawaii in February.......


I don't even know what to think right now. I don't know if I am just over reacting. When things are good, they are great and he is Amazing.
The few times there have been those incidents, at first I think like I would tell anyone else, OMG, No that's not okay... But then I start thinking,
No he didn't really "Hit You" there were no closed fists, or I lost my balance.
I bruise easy, etc...
And I know I do make people mad.... :MissDone
Usually when we talk, it's so easy, and we can talk for hours about anything.
But when he gets weird, he can take something I've said and use it against me. It's so weird... I liked him so much at first because he didn't judge me, and like I could just be me. I don't feel like that hardly ever anymore.


I started to figure out yesterday that maybe he's addicted to Vicoden.
He always has a bottle of pills with him, but he says it's tylenol 3 for his hand, I don't know, stupid stuff.... His mood thing would kind of make sense.


I guess I probably sound stupid, even hearing myself, but it happened so fast, I feel like this has been a year and it's barely been a couple of weeks.


I don't know what to do, I can't talk to any of my friends, because they would freak out, as would my parents... I guess I just need another opinion, because I don't get how something can be so perfect and so bad at the same time....... Well besides crystal meth.......
Funny I was this confused when I was on meth also, lol.
Talking about this makes me so sick to my stomach. I don't know why.
I don't know what is wrong with me....... I just feel so lost.
But maybe I am overreacting...

I guess there's another part of me that keeps thinking if this keeps up, at least I'll keep losing weight, so I don't know if maybe that's part of what
has me all confused also.

Ha Ha, so much for being short. My Mind is spinning so fast, I don't think short is in my vocabulary.......

Hello everyone. I've been reading this forum for a few weeks now, and you all seem very friendly and knowledgeable, so I hope it's OK if I jump right in.

My husband of 7 years is struggling with his addiction to opiates. He has abused alcohol and a few other things in the past, but it's the opiates that have really drawn him in to where he's gotten pretty messed up. He was drinking and using most of 2007, until we (our marriage) hit rock bottom around Xmas of last year, and he sobered up. (I took our 3-year old daughter to my mom's for a few days and threatened to stay there if he couldn't get it together.) He did OK for a while, but he has had several relapses in 2008, and most recently, I found out that he had been using again during most of October of this year. Around the first week of November, he got so messed up that he fell and hit his head hard enough to make me wonder if he had a concussion (he didn't).

I never know (though sometimes suspect) that he's using. He's insanely good at hiding it, and while I often have a gu feeling -- I've learned to trust my my gut -- he's so convincing when he lies to my face and says he's just tired/sick/stressed/etc. that I have often given him the benefit of the doubt.

This time is different though. I've had it. I can't even tell you how traumatic all of this has been for me -- how terrifying, horrifying, devastating, etc. -- so no more. I absolutely insisted he get help this time, and so far, he has attended one counseling appointment. He still needs to call to set up the second. I'm trying hard not to bug him about it, but this is exactly my problem. I don't know when to get on him about something anymore, and when to lay off. I don't trust him anymore. That has been the saddest thing about all of this for me. He's a great person, and I want to be able to believe what he says and know he's telling me the truth, but I just can't anymore. He is very bothere about that and says we can never move forward if I'm not going to trust him and believe him, but seriously, that's going to take a while for me. A long while.

One other dilemma: We both work at the same place, and we are both well-respected by our colleages. It turns out, though, that a coworker had been giving my husband all kinds of pain pills from a recent surgery she had. He told her he gets migraines, and because he has a good reputation at work, I'm sure this woman totally believes him. My husband begged me not to say anything to her (now that I know) but I don't know what to do. I'm not angry at the coworker because it's HIS problem, HIS addiction, etc. and she's not a bad person. I'm sure she just thought she was being helpful. I would like to talk to her privately, thoughm, explain that my husband has an addiction we're trying hard to deal with, and ask her please never to give him anything ever again. My husband would be very embarassed if I did that (though of course I'd ask her not to say anything), so I'm torn. Again, it boils down to trust. Do I or don't I?

it's a long story...aren't they all :)

Monday, one month ago on the way to the VA hospital to find out the biopsy reports on my husband we were in a serious car accident. It is a freak accident that I am alive. Had it not pushed the entire dash in, I would have been killed.....however because the dash was pushed in the air bag hit me so hard in the chest it folded me over and I crumpled down.
The back seat was full and stacked with some very heavy dish and glassware that we had planned to drop off at the storage unit on our way home. All this went flying over my head and the entire passenger side front glass was shattered as was some very heavy glassware.

H refused treatment, at first I thought he had a concussion but then his behaviors became bizarre and several nurse friends here told me that they were symptoms of head trauma. He had tucked the part of the seat belt that goes over you chest under his arm and his head also hit the windshield hard enough to break it.

He came home one day very tired and in a very bad mood. He hit me. I don't know whether he really can remember it or not, but he was going into a rage.
Well, that was my one unbreakable agreement...if you hit me, I call the police...which I did. At the same time, I filled out paperwork for the judge so he would be released to the hospital for treatment.
The DR was unqualified.
I had also asked the State Attorney's office, believing he was unwell, for the deferrment program where he would have to attend anger management as well as mental health maybe and then if he did not get into trouble for a year it is dropped.

The day after my husband was released, he called saying he was just released and was leaving me and leaving town.

I remembered what he did last year and pretty well cleaned out the bank account. I knew how much I left in there for him.

I later learned that he had been released the day before and stayed at the motel nearest the bank....I just beat him to it.
Besides, he had been threatening suicide and I did not intend to leave enough in there for him to be able to purchase a hand gun.

When he phoned, I still offered to come pick him up, bring him here so he could get his medications and clothes. He refused. I told him I had money for him and we made an arrangement for a third party drop. I took $400.....then I learned about many lies and went back and took the money back and made sure I had a witness. I knew where he was going and would want for nothing, it would be like a vacation.....but I was in a bind.

Of course, he and his sister believe it was all a set-up on my part. That's nuts. She tried to finance the divorce last year...has always hated me and I don't care for her either. With reason.

I did not go to the arraignment, but the State Attorney came out guns loaded and asking for a variety of stiff penalties.
Probably the usual dance to get a plea agreement.
He insists on a trial and is super enraged at me now,....I had nothing to do with what happened in that courtroom, but I suspect he had an attitude.
He phoned me and asked if the call was being recorded and I told him no, that I had offers to borrow a recorder but declined, he then went off on such a rage that it violated his pre-trial agreement.
I emailed him that calls like that would have him in jail until trial.

What a mess he left for me!
Besides putting the rental back blue, frilly and clean....I had just carried the contents of his truck...longbed with a topper into the guest room, which turned it into one of those proverbial closets that you don't dare open.

I paid several bills, Monday the truck will get a new radiator and that is $312.
Then I have to have a stabilizer bar put on the travel trailer and brake lights.
As I plan to and must leave. Before Dec 1.

What I have left to do seems impossible.

Now, the SIL is trying to take control and provoke me. I cut that off.

But, dangit...all I am hearing from him is I want, I want.

I told him he could come get the heirlooms out of the travel trailer and he was okay with that unil I asked him if he was going to put the heater back where he had taken it out and then he refused.

But now I am being harassed about the heirlooms.

Tuesday is the anniversary of my son's death.

And don't even get me started on Thanksgiving! The suicide was on Thanksgiving that year.

He told the landlords he would come clear up and get his stuff and clean up...but that only sounds good on paper, as our things are all mixed together and I must sort them.

We had agreed to communicate through email...and I had sent him some helpful information to him and nothing in anger etc.

Now his sister says he has been advised to have no contact with me.
I wrote him and told him there was no NO Contact order and he knew that if there was it is not allowed to convey messages through third parties.

SIL is trying to provoke me about heirlooms, I finally emailed her that Danny and I had all ready reached agreements about that and maybe since he broke his promises, he thought I would but that is not true.
I then told her our conversations were finished.

Mainly I don't know how I am going to get this rental ready to show in the time I have left. And I have been depressed the last 3 days, but that is to be expected this time of year and add all the EXTRA.

I have been trying to sell some things but no luck so far. I am going to need additional monies.

But I have somewhere far away to go where I have prepaid rent and utilities with my best friend. But I will need to buy her a bus ticket and send her enough money for meals etc....because I can barely drive that big truck and have never towed anything before in my life.

And we can't afford for anything to go wrong on this one way trip.

Apologies in advance for another Dee strugglin' thread - don't know where to put this one even...
it's recovery based tho I guess.

so those of you who know me probably know I have cerebral palsy.

Most of you will also probably know I've been falling a lot recently.
Not many of you know I was in hospital with concussion a week or so ago. Kept it quiet LOL.

Testing times - and the best doctors can tell me so far is...nothing - nothing verifiable anyway - it's 'probably just a combination of CP and age catching up with me'. Ok fine.

All thats ok....took me a while, but I can live with the falls and, to a certain extent, the uncertainty now.

but now...my mother calls me tonight - she's been visiting my brother in another city - she says
'we were in a sports store - I nearly bought you some protective headgear but the others wouldn't let me'
...then she LAUGHS uproariously - like its the best joke in the world.


OK....my mum and I have *never* been on the same wavelength - and, sure, I might sometimes be a sensitive old alkie - but this really killed me.

Laugh with me, sure - chances are I'll laugh when I fall anyway, unless I'm really hurt....but laugh at me? ridicule me?

I felt like I was 5 again - the same despair, the same anger, the same helplessness.

I'm not 'disabled' - I'm clumsy, or stupid or rushing or not looking where I'm going....for my parents it seems to be anything but the reality - I have CP and my body is not always mine to control.

It's no-ones fault - so why do I feel it's mine?

If my partner hadn't been there? I might be drunk now - I went into auto pilot I know that. I finished the call, politely and without drama, like I've been conditioned to do....

and then I went for a walk - at a stupidly punishing pace - to try let go of this....and was so lost in my own head I basically walked out into traffic....

I'm not making this into something it's not. I've looked at my part - I've tried damn hard to be a good son - I've made mistakes but I've tried to make amends for them too (my alcoholism is not an issue here - I didn't live at home and they deny I had a problem anyway - I just drank too much, apparently....).

This is the latest in a long line of incidents, with both my mother and father.

Maybe I'm making excuses, but I don't even know if it's malicious - they both just fundamentally fail to understand me or my life - and have never tried in my opinion.

What really hurts most is my mother would never comprehend she hurt me, much less admit it. She'd say I was being 'ridiculous' - we've had this conversation before....or tried to - talking about feelings and stuff is not a family trait LOL. It would be slightly easier for me to run a 4 minute mile I think.....

so - when is enough enough? when do I let go and walk away for my own good? and what are the mechanics of that?

I dunno. Much more I could write but you get the gist.

I just needed to vent....and to see if anyone had any comments, suggestions, or ideas, cos...I just dunno right now...I really don't.

thanks
D

Hey gang :)

I spent the weekend out of town with my Mom. I got a late call from my cousin telling me she'd fallen and was in the hospital. Apparently she'd fallen and became disoriented. Didn't know if it was a stroke or subdural or what. So I took a couple days off work and flew up to see her. She's much better now, still a little out of it but getting more with-it every day.

The problem with my Mom is that she is a codie in denial. She's got a bad case of control-itis. From the waitress at the restaurant to the cops that used to pull her over for driving weird. She has kind, gentle suggestions for how they should live their lives. Sit down in her living room and she will tell you _which_chocoloate you should pick from the box she offers. Fiver years ago I was _two minutes_ late to pick her up, and I still get reminded of that grivieous transgression.

My plane landed at 2:35 PM and at 2:36 I had a message on my phone wanting to know how come I had not called her to tell her I had landed safely. eeeeesh.

So what happens is her doc has told her she needs to use a walker. She's 95 yrs and her balance is _shot_. Does she use a walker? nope. In fact, whenever she goes to a public place she will release your arm and start walking _faster and faster_ just to prove the doc wrong. Naturally, she ends up sprawled on the floor. Last week she gave herself a concussion that way. Could have been a minor stroke too, but the docs can't tell from the MRI.

Thanx to the progarm of al-anon, I am able to "detach" from her stubornes and not agonize over her denail and self-destructive behavior. In fact, I am _grateful_ that I don't have to prove the docs wrong cuz if _I_ don't follow docs advice I'd be in much deeper trouble than a concusion !!!!

I can so clearly see that I could be just like her, obsessed with telling everybody else that they are wrong and that I am the only one in the world who's right. If it wasn't for recovery, I most likely _would_ be like her.

Just like alkies end up dead, in jail or locked up in a hospital I can see how my disease of codie-itis can get me killed too. This wonderful lady has alienated everybody that has ever come near her. Her disease is making her hurt herself _physically_, no different than an alkie. She could be enjoying her old age like all the other people in her building, but instead of being happy she'd rather be right. That is so sad.

I'm praying that she doesn't hurt herself any worse. That she be willing to listen to her HP knocking on her head and for once in her life listen to a doc that knows more about medicine than she does. In the meantime, I'm going to call her every Sunday like I always have and love her to pieces cuz underneath that nasty addiction to control there is a very sweet and caring lady.

Mike :)

There it was. Right on the front page of our local newspaper two days ago.

A man going 60 miles per hour ran off the freeway into a parked van. The van

happened to have the female driver underneath fixing a tire. The impact

of the ensuing collision slammed her van into her father's sedan parked

in front of her.

Why was this photo "shocking" to me? The man's car ..smashed to the

steering column, looked like my little mini truck 14 years ago...

In the spring of 1993 I met my ABF at a BBQ restaurant after work

to have "dinner". I do not recall dinner or ribs or corn on the cob.

I do recall one shot of whiskey ....that's it. You see..I started drinking

in 1992..a black out drinker from the start. I have a vague recollection

of being pulled out of my truck, kicking, sceaming, and biting the police

officers and paramedics. And calling them names... The next memory is

being chained to a hospital bed and asking an officer.."Do you think I'm

pretty?" Bless his heart..he said yes before he arrested me.

I was released to a friend who had an "in" with the Sheriff's Dept.

According to my boyfriend's info and what the police could piece

together...I became enraged about nothing after several drinks

at the restaurant. I left without eating...bought a 12 pack of

beer and drove around..drinking all but 4 (tall) cans. Then I

stopped myself by driving headlong at 50 miles per hour into a

parked truck on a residential street.

I went to see my "baby"..my beautiful little truck at the yard two days later.

I swooned..someone had to hold me up. Just like the man's car in the

paper...a total wreck. My truck was smashed to the steering column.

My legs had deep cuts. I had a concussion. I had to be extricated.

The difference?

The man died on impact. There were others in the parked vehicles..

They are still in the hospital.

All I got was a concussion, and bruises...even the owner of the other vehicle

was nice.

I am so, so, so grateful..and I do not understand why some of us are

spared and some taken. But I do know that I am grateful today.

Grateful I stopped in time....and didn't hurt anyone else.

Grateful for another chance.

Grateful to be here on SR.

Thank you, God.