Archive for the ‘Confidence’ tag
Newcomer to this site
Hey im new to this site; not to staying dry tho.
was dry for 6 months relapsed for 5 days stopped it there then went dry for 1 month 2 weeks then relapsed been drinking for past week and a half.
Getting help tho from the local drop in center for druggies drinkers and they are helping me so much I bless them wid all my heart.
I have been reading this site was I was sober all the time helped me in my dark days never had the confidence to post on here till now
bless you all :) :praying
was dry for 6 months relapsed for 5 days stopped it there then went dry for 1 month 2 weeks then relapsed been drinking for past week and a half.
Getting help tho from the local drop in center for druggies drinkers and they are helping me so much I bless them wid all my heart.
I have been reading this site was I was sober all the time helped me in my dark days never had the confidence to post on here till now
bless you all :) :praying
Miracle on Maple Street
I grew up in a small town in Nebraska. On Maple Street.
Today, there are times when I pray and I feel that no one hears me. At times I think and feel that I wasted tons of money and time going to school. Still more times that I wonder what will become of all the experiences; both positive and negative in life. Then come the moments that define everything, those revelatory moments in life that you can look back on and say; "This changes everything!" and from those life changing moments, real change is delivered, wrapped in swaddling clothes and placed lovingly by God in my heart.
Mary looked at her situation in the same way. When it was revealed to her that she would deliver a child, as a virgin and the child would be God incarnate, Mary said; "May it be to me as you have spoken it." To the angel that visited her with her life changing message. Not all (I would venture to say Mary's revelation was once in a million lifetimes) life's defining moments are so huge. Sometimes they are very subtle and the only way you know they have arrived is in those quiet moments alone with God. Some are moving, but gentle and tender moments, such as I had with my only son on Christmas eve.
My son tries so very hard, but seems to feel that he fails me. So long have I allowed him to feel this way that he has no confidence within himself. No confidence that a loving and gentle God watches over him and does hear his cries, and so do I. This revelation came to me on the eve of the birth of the King of Kings, God incarnate. A God that humbled Himself to such a degree that He staged His birth into flesh in a hay trough, in a barn. After 18 years I told my son that I loved him without exception, I told him I am always proud of him. Yes, he has disappointed me, but disappointment doesn't preclude my love for him, nor does success in anything bring him any more or any less love for him. He is my son.
It was truly a Christmas to remember.
Today, there are times when I pray and I feel that no one hears me. At times I think and feel that I wasted tons of money and time going to school. Still more times that I wonder what will become of all the experiences; both positive and negative in life. Then come the moments that define everything, those revelatory moments in life that you can look back on and say; "This changes everything!" and from those life changing moments, real change is delivered, wrapped in swaddling clothes and placed lovingly by God in my heart.
Mary looked at her situation in the same way. When it was revealed to her that she would deliver a child, as a virgin and the child would be God incarnate, Mary said; "May it be to me as you have spoken it." To the angel that visited her with her life changing message. Not all (I would venture to say Mary's revelation was once in a million lifetimes) life's defining moments are so huge. Sometimes they are very subtle and the only way you know they have arrived is in those quiet moments alone with God. Some are moving, but gentle and tender moments, such as I had with my only son on Christmas eve.
My son tries so very hard, but seems to feel that he fails me. So long have I allowed him to feel this way that he has no confidence within himself. No confidence that a loving and gentle God watches over him and does hear his cries, and so do I. This revelation came to me on the eve of the birth of the King of Kings, God incarnate. A God that humbled Himself to such a degree that He staged His birth into flesh in a hay trough, in a barn. After 18 years I told my son that I loved him without exception, I told him I am always proud of him. Yes, he has disappointed me, but disappointment doesn't preclude my love for him, nor does success in anything bring him any more or any less love for him. He is my son.
It was truly a Christmas to remember.
Really really struggling
So I *almost* have two years clean and sober. I have been off drugs since 2003 and quit drinking Dec 31st, 2006. I haven't had a sip of alcohol in almost two years. Just about one more week until 2 years.
But I am struggling to stay sober. I just want to give up. I felt like my life would improve if I sobered up, and it has, but so much is wrong that I feel I will never be able to make right, so I just want to give in.
My grandmother is dying in the hospital in another state. I cannot seem to have a successful career. I have been stuck in the same job for over 6 years. I live in a crappy, tiny apartment and don't have the money to move. I had such a terrible year with my health. Early this year I had these horrible surgeries. I mean, complain complain complain. Whatever.
I know it's bullsh*t excuses, but I just can't seem to muster the confidence and energy to stay sober any longer. I am really fighting off the demons and they are wearing me down. I feel like it will never improve. I feel like I am painted into a corner of responsibilities and health problems that I can never escape. I just want to give up.
But I am struggling to stay sober. I just want to give up. I felt like my life would improve if I sobered up, and it has, but so much is wrong that I feel I will never be able to make right, so I just want to give in.
My grandmother is dying in the hospital in another state. I cannot seem to have a successful career. I have been stuck in the same job for over 6 years. I live in a crappy, tiny apartment and don't have the money to move. I had such a terrible year with my health. Early this year I had these horrible surgeries. I mean, complain complain complain. Whatever.
I know it's bullsh*t excuses, but I just can't seem to muster the confidence and energy to stay sober any longer. I am really fighting off the demons and they are wearing me down. I feel like it will never improve. I feel like I am painted into a corner of responsibilities and health problems that I can never escape. I just want to give up.
CMHCALI and Horselover
I just wanted to thank you both for your posts tonight. For some reason, it makes me feel better. It's not a misery loves company thing, I pray that neither of you will relapse. I've been feeling low lately, and very guilty about my relapse after I hit six months. The fact that others are going through the same thing shows me that it wasn't just me or my failures, it just happens. I want my example to help you get through this, if you need please PM me, I have gained a lot of insight since my relapse, I can give you some tidbits of info that I wish I had. If there was a way I could re-wind the clock to where I was that day, the place where you are now, and not drink, I would. I feel like my progress has been stalled, now I have more issues to deal with. I also don't have the confidence that I will retain my sobriety as much this time, I am getting there, but it's not as much of a sure thing as continuing a successful streak of six months. Hang in there.
SOS - Suggested Guidelines For Sobriety
Suggested Guidelines for Sobriety
To break the cycle of denial and achieve sobriety, we first acknowledge that we are alcoholics or addicts.
We reaffirm this truth daily and accept without reservation the fact that, as clean and sober individuals, we cannot and do not drink or use, no matter what.
Since drinking or using is not an option for us, we take whatever steps are necessary to continue our Sobriety Priority lifelong.
A quality of life -"the good life"- can be achieved. However, life is also filled with uncertainties. Therefore, we do not drink or use regardless of feelings, circumstances, or conflicts.
We share in confidence with each other our thoughts and feelings as sober, clean individuals.
Sobriety is our Priority, and we are each responsible for our lives and our sobriety.
From the SOS web page:
30days
To break the cycle of denial and achieve sobriety, we first acknowledge that we are alcoholics or addicts.
We reaffirm this truth daily and accept without reservation the fact that, as clean and sober individuals, we cannot and do not drink or use, no matter what.
Since drinking or using is not an option for us, we take whatever steps are necessary to continue our Sobriety Priority lifelong.
A quality of life -"the good life"- can be achieved. However, life is also filled with uncertainties. Therefore, we do not drink or use regardless of feelings, circumstances, or conflicts.
We share in confidence with each other our thoughts and feelings as sober, clean individuals.
Sobriety is our Priority, and we are each responsible for our lives and our sobriety.
From the SOS web page:
30days
My story :(
Hi friends!!
I think some of you already read my story at another thread..
First of all thank you for being there. This message board rules!!
I wanted to share my story and vent a little. These have been the toughest weeks I have lived and all your words are great support.
I fell in love as I have never before with this guy who was really sweet and loving (HAH!). He was incredible. I lived with my best girlfriend and had a job I liked, although it was very very stressful. Those were simpler, happier times.
This guy got a job opportunity in another city and he asked me if I would follow him.. after a month I got the chance to join the same company, we lived together with another one of his friends. We were very very happy about this chance.
One weekend we went to a beach and got drunk, at night he started making all these unbelievably hurtful comments about things I have shared to him in confidence. I usually never cry infront of anyone, not even him. Well I just started crying right away in disbelief. It came to me as a shock and a surprise that he could be so cruel. There were many times that we shared our hurt and cried and cried hugging each other until dawn.. we were really close. His mother died some years ago (I believe that was the start of his drinking spree) and I have also gone through tough stuff. He was also my best friend, you know.
Of course later he apologized and said he would never do it again(another HAH!). We cried all night. At one point he said I did not deserve this and that I had to promise to him I was going to be happy. "Even without me" he said. Yeah because for him it is easier I make the dirty work of moving on and he cannot make an effort to change and keep me!! DAMN!!
The second discussion was when he started drinking with the roomate, at first I was cool about it, then 3, 4, 5, 6 AM and he was still there, drinking... I got angry and he said that if something bothered me I should say it... he was right.
But then he started saying that he had already written a letter to me, as he knew this was going to be over, that he was going to take "a very lonely path only he understands" (oh yeah) and I said "well.. if you are so sure about it then what are you waiting for with me?" and he said "yes perhaps this is the moment to break up". Wow. By then it was already 8AM so I just went out the place crying, walked and talked to my mom.... that was the day I was moving out with him to this place we had already paid for... of course he woke up as people were coming from his things and he hadn't any cash available so he even had the nerve to ask me for cash... it was very stressful.
Later on he said he did not remember much and that maybe being with me and finding that "unknown" stuff did not have to be separate... I was very angry he could just... change his mind...
The third discussion was when he was extremely drunk after one of his friend's wedding. I had to talk a lot so he could give me the keys so I could drive (not the first time). When we arrived to my place he started babbling and also kind of breaking up with me. Of course we never really talked, just slept and had sex and pretended nothing happened the next day. Next day my mom prepared food for us and he was trembling...
Many times he called me drunk stating how much he loved me, missed me, etc. I wonder why I did not see the signs before? As I also like partying I just thought he was having fun, but did not know the extent of it until I lived together with him.
After going to a therapist I decided to leave. When I arrived I was angry and when I saw him his breath smelled of beer. It was tuesday afternoon. I just got really sad, you know? He was just like "well everything has its time.. you should not depend that much in other people" Wow. He asked for a hug. I walked away.
I think some of you already read my story at another thread..
First of all thank you for being there. This message board rules!!
I wanted to share my story and vent a little. These have been the toughest weeks I have lived and all your words are great support.
I fell in love as I have never before with this guy who was really sweet and loving (HAH!). He was incredible. I lived with my best girlfriend and had a job I liked, although it was very very stressful. Those were simpler, happier times.
This guy got a job opportunity in another city and he asked me if I would follow him.. after a month I got the chance to join the same company, we lived together with another one of his friends. We were very very happy about this chance.
One weekend we went to a beach and got drunk, at night he started making all these unbelievably hurtful comments about things I have shared to him in confidence. I usually never cry infront of anyone, not even him. Well I just started crying right away in disbelief. It came to me as a shock and a surprise that he could be so cruel. There were many times that we shared our hurt and cried and cried hugging each other until dawn.. we were really close. His mother died some years ago (I believe that was the start of his drinking spree) and I have also gone through tough stuff. He was also my best friend, you know.
Of course later he apologized and said he would never do it again(another HAH!). We cried all night. At one point he said I did not deserve this and that I had to promise to him I was going to be happy. "Even without me" he said. Yeah because for him it is easier I make the dirty work of moving on and he cannot make an effort to change and keep me!! DAMN!!
The second discussion was when he started drinking with the roomate, at first I was cool about it, then 3, 4, 5, 6 AM and he was still there, drinking... I got angry and he said that if something bothered me I should say it... he was right.
But then he started saying that he had already written a letter to me, as he knew this was going to be over, that he was going to take "a very lonely path only he understands" (oh yeah) and I said "well.. if you are so sure about it then what are you waiting for with me?" and he said "yes perhaps this is the moment to break up". Wow. By then it was already 8AM so I just went out the place crying, walked and talked to my mom.... that was the day I was moving out with him to this place we had already paid for... of course he woke up as people were coming from his things and he hadn't any cash available so he even had the nerve to ask me for cash... it was very stressful.
Later on he said he did not remember much and that maybe being with me and finding that "unknown" stuff did not have to be separate... I was very angry he could just... change his mind...
The third discussion was when he was extremely drunk after one of his friend's wedding. I had to talk a lot so he could give me the keys so I could drive (not the first time). When we arrived to my place he started babbling and also kind of breaking up with me. Of course we never really talked, just slept and had sex and pretended nothing happened the next day. Next day my mom prepared food for us and he was trembling...
Many times he called me drunk stating how much he loved me, missed me, etc. I wonder why I did not see the signs before? As I also like partying I just thought he was having fun, but did not know the extent of it until I lived together with him.
After going to a therapist I decided to leave. When I arrived I was angry and when I saw him his breath smelled of beer. It was tuesday afternoon. I just got really sad, you know? He was just like "well everything has its time.. you should not depend that much in other people" Wow. He asked for a hug. I walked away.
21 months sober and miserable…
Hi everyone,
I'm new to the forum although I've been reading posts for a little while now. I've been sober for about 21 months but feel like I'm not doing so well. I'm not so afraid of falling off the wagon - I remember the bad times too vividly for that - but I feel miserable and lonely.
I often get anxiety, have bad dreams in which I'm either drinking or trying to sort out some drinking-related mess that I've caused and feel guilty and ashamed because of the things I did. I have a lovely boyfriend but I don't feel able to talk to him about any of this - partly because he put up with so much crap from me whilst I was drinking I don't want to remind him of it and don't feel it's fair. And I know that he doesn't like talking about it.
I've put on weight since I stopped drinking and feel out of control with my eating. I put a happy face on it but I feel lost and feel like I've lost my confidence. I've read some other people's posts on this forum and 21 months in, I feel like I should be a lot more sorted. I don't think AA is for me as I don't share the beliefs behind it so don't think this is the answer. No offence intended to those that do - it's just not what I feel.
I still feel like drinking is always the elephant in the room. I don't see how I will stop feeling like this. Thanks for reading this - any advice and support you can offer would be appreciated. Thank you.
I'm new to the forum although I've been reading posts for a little while now. I've been sober for about 21 months but feel like I'm not doing so well. I'm not so afraid of falling off the wagon - I remember the bad times too vividly for that - but I feel miserable and lonely.
I often get anxiety, have bad dreams in which I'm either drinking or trying to sort out some drinking-related mess that I've caused and feel guilty and ashamed because of the things I did. I have a lovely boyfriend but I don't feel able to talk to him about any of this - partly because he put up with so much crap from me whilst I was drinking I don't want to remind him of it and don't feel it's fair. And I know that he doesn't like talking about it.
I've put on weight since I stopped drinking and feel out of control with my eating. I put a happy face on it but I feel lost and feel like I've lost my confidence. I've read some other people's posts on this forum and 21 months in, I feel like I should be a lot more sorted. I don't think AA is for me as I don't share the beliefs behind it so don't think this is the answer. No offence intended to those that do - it's just not what I feel.
I still feel like drinking is always the elephant in the room. I don't see how I will stop feeling like this. Thanks for reading this - any advice and support you can offer would be appreciated. Thank you.
I should be dead…
but thanks to my good friends who would physically stop me after having 2pints of straight vodka and my roomate Tony who somehow made sure I always made the walk home, and managed to keep me alive long enough to find sr. to my current ex (breakup has nothing to do with my drinking) who would steal my keys at her place and would still love me next morning after spending the night when i was back in high school and couldnt drive myself home. thanks to you guys, who give me confidence knowing that i am not the only alcoholic in the world.
Looking for advice on dating from those in recovery!
Hello all!
Well I decided it is time to get back out there. I don't want a committed relationship right now, but just a bit of fun, meet new people and have some experiences. A girl needs a life right!?
Anyway, I have talked with a few people and I have had one date with a guy I met via the internet. Now I know many people are put off by Internet dating as there are many dangers etc, this thread is not about that. I know that dangers and I am being careful rest assured!
The guy I met seemed to me a nice person, we spoke via email at first and then text messages and lastly phone calls over a period of a few weeks.
However (you knew it was coming!) when we went out for Sunday lunch, I noticed red flags about him such as he seemed pre-occupied with drinking and was disrespectful toward me, called me a lightweight because I did not want to drink alcohol; also made a comment on my asking him questions about himself and told me ''you will have to stop that''. He confessed he had lost his driver's license for repeatedly drink driving, and continously tried to bully me into doing what he wanted.
I told him that call me what he may, I will not go on with him to another bar (which he asked at the end of the meal), I do not appreciate being told what to do, and being made to drink when I do not want to. I told him I was going home and did so.
Now I feel that I have come a long way in learning what I want from a person in a relationship, not allowing myself to be treated poorly etc. I am very pleased with myself for recognising the red flags and not getting involved with this guy, mostly for having the courage to say what I did to him.
I would like to get some hints and tips for dating on line. how do I word my description etc to attract the right person and not more immature control freaks? I know my confidence and self worth are much higher than a year ago, but I am still finding this type of person!
Appreciate any help
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Well I decided it is time to get back out there. I don't want a committed relationship right now, but just a bit of fun, meet new people and have some experiences. A girl needs a life right!?
Anyway, I have talked with a few people and I have had one date with a guy I met via the internet. Now I know many people are put off by Internet dating as there are many dangers etc, this thread is not about that. I know that dangers and I am being careful rest assured!
The guy I met seemed to me a nice person, we spoke via email at first and then text messages and lastly phone calls over a period of a few weeks.
However (you knew it was coming!) when we went out for Sunday lunch, I noticed red flags about him such as he seemed pre-occupied with drinking and was disrespectful toward me, called me a lightweight because I did not want to drink alcohol; also made a comment on my asking him questions about himself and told me ''you will have to stop that''. He confessed he had lost his driver's license for repeatedly drink driving, and continously tried to bully me into doing what he wanted.
I told him that call me what he may, I will not go on with him to another bar (which he asked at the end of the meal), I do not appreciate being told what to do, and being made to drink when I do not want to. I told him I was going home and did so.
Now I feel that I have come a long way in learning what I want from a person in a relationship, not allowing myself to be treated poorly etc. I am very pleased with myself for recognising the red flags and not getting involved with this guy, mostly for having the courage to say what I did to him.
I would like to get some hints and tips for dating on line. how do I word my description etc to attract the right person and not more immature control freaks? I know my confidence and self worth are much higher than a year ago, but I am still finding this type of person!
Appreciate any help
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
When and How????
So, I am moving forward but I don't really quite know how I am surviving, frankly. Thank god for my therapist, but I am still not doing well. I finally escaped the insanity of addiction and all of the chaos and lack of trust, love, confidence that goes along with it and I am alone. Totally, alone. When do I start to find peace? How do I face being here by myself? Maybe I am just having a pity party, but I don't think I am going to make it through this. What's the point?
I went to a meeting last week. Good to know there are others out there like me, but it doesn't make it hurt any less. I went out today to do some errands, etc. and couldn't stand it. I was alone. Everywhere I looked were couples and families. Mom's and daughters. Dad's and babies. The holidays are coming and I can't barely get through "regular" days.... How do I do this.
I know intellectually that it would have been wrong to stay in a dead marriage and to be in the midst of all the chaos and "drug induced nonsense".... but at least I wouldn't be alone. I would have my kids with me. I am taking some action with a lawyer to try to "force" some time with my kids.... amazing to me that the kids are with him and all that pain that is happening in my world is because of that fool.
God, someone talk to me. I need to stop crying and get it together.
I went to a meeting last week. Good to know there are others out there like me, but it doesn't make it hurt any less. I went out today to do some errands, etc. and couldn't stand it. I was alone. Everywhere I looked were couples and families. Mom's and daughters. Dad's and babies. The holidays are coming and I can't barely get through "regular" days.... How do I do this.
I know intellectually that it would have been wrong to stay in a dead marriage and to be in the midst of all the chaos and "drug induced nonsense".... but at least I wouldn't be alone. I would have my kids with me. I am taking some action with a lawyer to try to "force" some time with my kids.... amazing to me that the kids are with him and all that pain that is happening in my world is because of that fool.
God, someone talk to me. I need to stop crying and get it together.
