Drug Rehab Options Blog

We buried one of our own yesterday. She could not get and stay sober. Monday night, she drank into oblivion, and left the planet. She was 41 years old. She left behind a huge family, children and grandchildren. And a large family in AA. Her sponsor gave part of the eulogy. She had worked with her for 4 years, and just couldn't get it. Her mother, who is 30 years sober in the program, gave the rest of the eulogy. What a powerful service. This is a killer illness. Some of us are able to completely surrender and abandon ourselves to the program. There are some who are not. For whatever reason, there is a reservation of some kind. A rebellion perhaps. Or perhaps a complete surrender and abandon to the illness itself. One that allows us to be consumed by the malady. In any event, it seems to be the ultimate example and consequence of self will. I will never get used to burying other alcoholics. And know that without doing the things I do on a daily basis, they will bury me. I have few real hard set goals in life, but one is to die sober. This has been a sad week. But the truth of the matter is this..... she won't be the last. Within the next year or so, we'll bury another. Maybe sooner, maybe later, but it is inevitable. It is the nature of this illness.

I'm positive I'm depressed, with anxiety (they like to go hand-in-hand). However, after I stopped using (opiates) this sort of "brain fog" started to develop, almost like disassociation or derealization but not quite as severe. I just feel like everything I do is useless and everything I say is without the barest of meaning or consequence. I'm hoping this is just my mind's safe-mode reaction to the depression and anxiety and not some other disorder (like I need more of them).

Meds I'm currently taking:

Effexor 75mg in the morning, then 37.5mg in the afternoon.
Klonopin up to 1.5mg as needed.
Seroquel XR 50mg in the evening.

I feel that they do help... they get me out of bed at least and I tend to worry less, but I obviously still do.

Any veteran input would be appreciated...

Hello, I am Nathan.

I think I have a drinking problem, I drink everyday, at work, in the morning, ect.


I dont even know why anymore... I've been using my mother's lupus as a excuse as she is begining to die a little more everyday (Her heart, lungs and kidneys are being attacked, lots of fluid around them, surgerys, and she is on oxygen at the house).

To top it off, I am Bipolar, class 1. Meaning I am on selexa, and seroquel... I dont know if the spelling on those is right *shrug*... I just dont know.

I seem to drink everyday with total disreguard for the consequence. I know I need to stop, but I still continue. I just dont know what to do, I feel lost.

I guess this is a plea for help, I dont know what to do anymore. I keep drinking... I'd Hate to see what my family would say if they caught wind, I just dont know...

NRL2202

Before I became and a drug addict, I was a gambling addict who used some drugs. When I stopped gambling I became a full blown addict and hit bottom after a few years. So I know I have addiction issues.

Well while on a business trip this week, I went to a Casino. It was kind of a calculated decision. I felt I needed to seek a thrill, reward myself, do something 'naughty', escape reality. I weighed up drink, my DOC or the casino. Casino won.

Spent 2 hours there, and left to experience the full consequence of relapse. Panic, remorse, guilt etc.

Came home and owned up to my wife. She is really disapointed as all the trust issues I have worked on for the last 2 years re emerge.

So a relapse.....

Well, I know I am still a gambling addict Lol!

And I know i need to work harder on my recovery. And I know I have to remember once an addict always an addict.. And I know I am total addict - need to watch food, sex, drugs, drink, gambling, whatever. Its all or nothing for me.

I am grateful I never used my DOC, as I am sure the cravings would have been so strong again.

It was in some ways a relatively small relapse. Like a gentle reminder that I am in trouble with my recovery and need to proceed with strong caution and lots of sponsor guidance!

I am pleased I came clean to my wife. I hope in time she will forgive me. I know for her its a huge deal - as all the addict issues come to the fore again.

I told her that for me its aleways there. Staying cleanis an ongoing struggle. I do not think this was helpful! my truth, but not what she wanted to hear...

So its time to get the step work book out and schedule some time with my sponsor.

Oh, and I wonder if there is any correlation between not getting my lazy arse to a meeting in 3 weeks (my longest non attendnance since starting recovery) and my relapse.

MMmmm will have to think about that:e088:

thanks for letting me share

Hello---Well I said I felt very vulnerable to a relapse and that is what I did.I decided just to have a couple of drinks....so here I am.* Now, do not beat me up, but the real turning point for me, the real change in my thinking came with the obsession that I would have to change my date.* Alot of people did not feel that way, but alot did, as did my sponsor, although she would not have forced me to do so.* I just could not get past this, I wish I would have....I just feel like I lost what was for me a critical part of my recovery.* The "time" had kept me from drinking once before.* And, oh yes, I have heard that "time is not a tool"Anyway the drink itself (from my original post), the obsessing about it, the consequence of changing my date, the building resentments around all of this was enough, I guess....I started thinking about drinking and eventually did.Now here I am on day one, yuck!!* On one hand, I could beat myself, obsess, resent.....but that would lead to more drinking.** On the other hand, I can strive to move on, face this one day at a time, work a good program and strengthen the things that may have been lacking in my program.I think that is what I need to do...focus on today, I can move on,* the good thing is that I feel like my "non-drinking" life is stronger than my "drinking" life, if that makes sense.Thanks for listening---Chris