Archive for the ‘Cops’ tag
Am I in over My Head? I am lost a little…
I don't know. I'll see if I can make this short and understandable. lol.
I've been seeing this guy off and on and I don't know what to think.
They say if it's to good to be true.... Well.... He's rich, amazingly cute,
a doctor, and nice. At first everything we did was easy and fun.
I'm sure you know where this is going, it wasn't long, before I started
seeing his 'other side'. But after each time something happened he
had some reason, usually work, etc. I didn't get it because it came out
of the blue, and then he would be fine again. And sorry..
So fast forward to yesterday. We get into a wreck, the guy who hits us gets out, and he goes crazy. I try and get him to stop and he shoves me again, it turns into a huge ordeal, and finally the cops come.
So we end up at the ER. I had a concussion and a cut my head, nothing major.
Yesterday was a little strange, I don't know how to explain it.
Just a weird experience. Then when we leave they give me some Vicodin,
I tell them no it's okay, and he says, No, you need it, and he takes it.
After we got to his house, he was being his normal self, I felt fine besides my headache, then we decide to watch a movie, and he gives me a Vicodin and it wasn't long before I start feeling sick. So I decide to leave and he freaks
By the time I get home, I was a complete mess.
I haven't told any of my friends about what is going on or him, I'm not even sure why, or I guess because things got weird so fast, and I guess I called one of my friends and was crying, I don't remember that. I just remember throwing up all night and a few random things.
So I don't think it was a Vicodin he gave me.
I met him for lunch today and the first thing I ask him is, sooo.
What the hell did you give me last night, and he starts to :c004:
I just looked at him and said, Really..... Your going to yell at me........
Are you going to shove me again too, or hit me.....
He apologizes like he always does.. He just can't believe I would accuse
him of such a thing, after I tell him what happened, he goes into this
long reason, why...... He's a doctor, he always has good reasons.
Then he tells me......... That he booked us tickets to go to Hawaii in February.......
I don't even know what to think right now. I don't know if I am just over reacting. When things are good, they are great and he is Amazing.
The few times there have been those incidents, at first I think like I would tell anyone else, OMG, No that's not okay... But then I start thinking,
No he didn't really "Hit You" there were no closed fists, or I lost my balance.
I bruise easy, etc...
And I know I do make people mad.... :MissDone
Usually when we talk, it's so easy, and we can talk for hours about anything.
But when he gets weird, he can take something I've said and use it against me. It's so weird... I liked him so much at first because he didn't judge me, and like I could just be me. I don't feel like that hardly ever anymore.
I started to figure out yesterday that maybe he's addicted to Vicoden.
He always has a bottle of pills with him, but he says it's tylenol 3 for his hand, I don't know, stupid stuff.... His mood thing would kind of make sense.
I guess I probably sound stupid, even hearing myself, but it happened so fast, I feel like this has been a year and it's barely been a couple of weeks.
I don't know what to do, I can't talk to any of my friends, because they would freak out, as would my parents... I guess I just need another opinion, because I don't get how something can be so perfect and so bad at the same time....... Well besides crystal meth.......
Funny I was this confused when I was on meth also, lol.
Talking about this makes me so sick to my stomach. I don't know why.
I don't know what is wrong with me....... I just feel so lost.
But maybe I am overreacting...
I guess there's another part of me that keeps thinking if this keeps up, at least I'll keep losing weight, so I don't know if maybe that's part of what
has me all confused also.
Ha Ha, so much for being short. My Mind is spinning so fast, I don't think short is in my vocabulary.......
I've been seeing this guy off and on and I don't know what to think.
They say if it's to good to be true.... Well.... He's rich, amazingly cute,
a doctor, and nice. At first everything we did was easy and fun.
I'm sure you know where this is going, it wasn't long, before I started
seeing his 'other side'. But after each time something happened he
had some reason, usually work, etc. I didn't get it because it came out
of the blue, and then he would be fine again. And sorry..
So fast forward to yesterday. We get into a wreck, the guy who hits us gets out, and he goes crazy. I try and get him to stop and he shoves me again, it turns into a huge ordeal, and finally the cops come.
So we end up at the ER. I had a concussion and a cut my head, nothing major.
Yesterday was a little strange, I don't know how to explain it.
Just a weird experience. Then when we leave they give me some Vicodin,
I tell them no it's okay, and he says, No, you need it, and he takes it.
After we got to his house, he was being his normal self, I felt fine besides my headache, then we decide to watch a movie, and he gives me a Vicodin and it wasn't long before I start feeling sick. So I decide to leave and he freaks
By the time I get home, I was a complete mess.
I haven't told any of my friends about what is going on or him, I'm not even sure why, or I guess because things got weird so fast, and I guess I called one of my friends and was crying, I don't remember that. I just remember throwing up all night and a few random things.
So I don't think it was a Vicodin he gave me.
I met him for lunch today and the first thing I ask him is, sooo.
What the hell did you give me last night, and he starts to :c004:
I just looked at him and said, Really..... Your going to yell at me........
Are you going to shove me again too, or hit me.....
He apologizes like he always does.. He just can't believe I would accuse
him of such a thing, after I tell him what happened, he goes into this
long reason, why...... He's a doctor, he always has good reasons.
Then he tells me......... That he booked us tickets to go to Hawaii in February.......
I don't even know what to think right now. I don't know if I am just over reacting. When things are good, they are great and he is Amazing.
The few times there have been those incidents, at first I think like I would tell anyone else, OMG, No that's not okay... But then I start thinking,
No he didn't really "Hit You" there were no closed fists, or I lost my balance.
I bruise easy, etc...
And I know I do make people mad.... :MissDone
Usually when we talk, it's so easy, and we can talk for hours about anything.
But when he gets weird, he can take something I've said and use it against me. It's so weird... I liked him so much at first because he didn't judge me, and like I could just be me. I don't feel like that hardly ever anymore.
I started to figure out yesterday that maybe he's addicted to Vicoden.
He always has a bottle of pills with him, but he says it's tylenol 3 for his hand, I don't know, stupid stuff.... His mood thing would kind of make sense.
I guess I probably sound stupid, even hearing myself, but it happened so fast, I feel like this has been a year and it's barely been a couple of weeks.
I don't know what to do, I can't talk to any of my friends, because they would freak out, as would my parents... I guess I just need another opinion, because I don't get how something can be so perfect and so bad at the same time....... Well besides crystal meth.......
Funny I was this confused when I was on meth also, lol.
Talking about this makes me so sick to my stomach. I don't know why.
I don't know what is wrong with me....... I just feel so lost.
But maybe I am overreacting...
I guess there's another part of me that keeps thinking if this keeps up, at least I'll keep losing weight, so I don't know if maybe that's part of what
has me all confused also.
Ha Ha, so much for being short. My Mind is spinning so fast, I don't think short is in my vocabulary.......
What Christmas meant to me growing up
I want to share this for those in here who are in the midst of a relationship with an alcoholic who have children in their homes.
Both my parents were alcoholics. We didn't see my father much because he worked night shift most of my life. We saw him mostly on weekends and holidays.
Weekends and holidays came to mean mom and dad got drunk which usually meant fights. From the time I was very little, somewhere under 5, I knew mom and dad being around together meant drunkeness and anger. Now mom was drunk a whole lot of the time on other days, mind you but that was differnent. Mom drunk on her own was maulding and crying. Mom drunk and dad drunk together was a storm waiting to erupt.
My brothers and I talked about how the victim of the day would get chosen by dad when he was drunk. He always needed a target for his anger.
Most of the time it was mom and she frequently wore the bruises as evidence. Of course she never admitted those bruises were from dad's fists. I guess a polite charade went on and we kids didn't admit to knowing dad had hit her, that we heard it all.
Then of course there were the other times when the vicitm of the day was me or one of my brothers. I don't remember how old I was the first time I was the victim but I suspect it was before I was 10. I don't remember what mom did those times one of us kids were beaten. I have blocked the memories to this day and I'm now almost 54.
I do clearly remember the last time my father hit me. It was Christmas eve and I was 13. He hit me so hard I was unconsicous for a brief period of time. When I came to, Dad was standing over me, ready to hit me again yelling at me about faking being knocked out. I somehow pushed him out of my way when I stood and told him I would call the cops if he came near me, touched me again. I remember the look of shock on his face too. He believed me. He never did hit me again.
Anyway the point of all this rambling story is that from as early as I can remember, Christmas meant drunkenness, fighting, violence, and tears. I have no happy childhood memories of opening presents. I have no memories of a happy family gathering for a shared dinner and Christmas joy (although my older brother tells me they did happen). For me Christmas (and every other holiday for that matter) will always be associated with drunkeness and anger.
Your children see more than you give them credit for. Children are little sponges absorbing everything around them. Even if you don't have the violence in your homes that was in mine, your children are learning from you and your A everyday. They are storing away every incident. They are, underneath it all, wondering what they did wrong, how they caused it. I know I did.
I am now building happier Christmas memories and have been for many years. I love this season of giving and love. But underneath it all, the young girl who hated holidays is still there inside me, hating Christmas because of what it was like back then. Those experiences run awfully deep.
Both my parents were alcoholics. We didn't see my father much because he worked night shift most of my life. We saw him mostly on weekends and holidays.
Weekends and holidays came to mean mom and dad got drunk which usually meant fights. From the time I was very little, somewhere under 5, I knew mom and dad being around together meant drunkeness and anger. Now mom was drunk a whole lot of the time on other days, mind you but that was differnent. Mom drunk on her own was maulding and crying. Mom drunk and dad drunk together was a storm waiting to erupt.
My brothers and I talked about how the victim of the day would get chosen by dad when he was drunk. He always needed a target for his anger.
Most of the time it was mom and she frequently wore the bruises as evidence. Of course she never admitted those bruises were from dad's fists. I guess a polite charade went on and we kids didn't admit to knowing dad had hit her, that we heard it all.
Then of course there were the other times when the vicitm of the day was me or one of my brothers. I don't remember how old I was the first time I was the victim but I suspect it was before I was 10. I don't remember what mom did those times one of us kids were beaten. I have blocked the memories to this day and I'm now almost 54.
I do clearly remember the last time my father hit me. It was Christmas eve and I was 13. He hit me so hard I was unconsicous for a brief period of time. When I came to, Dad was standing over me, ready to hit me again yelling at me about faking being knocked out. I somehow pushed him out of my way when I stood and told him I would call the cops if he came near me, touched me again. I remember the look of shock on his face too. He believed me. He never did hit me again.
Anyway the point of all this rambling story is that from as early as I can remember, Christmas meant drunkenness, fighting, violence, and tears. I have no happy childhood memories of opening presents. I have no memories of a happy family gathering for a shared dinner and Christmas joy (although my older brother tells me they did happen). For me Christmas (and every other holiday for that matter) will always be associated with drunkeness and anger.
Your children see more than you give them credit for. Children are little sponges absorbing everything around them. Even if you don't have the violence in your homes that was in mine, your children are learning from you and your A everyday. They are storing away every incident. They are, underneath it all, wondering what they did wrong, how they caused it. I know I did.
I am now building happier Christmas memories and have been for many years. I love this season of giving and love. But underneath it all, the young girl who hated holidays is still there inside me, hating Christmas because of what it was like back then. Those experiences run awfully deep.
Life is not fair - and I’m really bummed today!
Well, after doing all the things I need to do for me while living w/my AH, life is still not working to my advantage. I am at a complete and total loss, and I am so depressed right now.
You all know my saga of AH, his court ordered treatment, continuous drinking, cops bringing him home instead of DWI's, cops refusing to put him out of the house even tho I have an order, etc. Anyway, AH is still unemployed and actively drinking each and every day, more on the weekends. There is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I understand that. I am in therapy with the director of the chemical dependency program that AH attends 4 times a week (and get this - 4 times a week, and he still passes the breathalyzer!). I have notified them and told her about his constant drinking, but until he "fails" a breathalyzer, which he is required to take each and every time he goes there, there is nothing they can do about it. Of course, AH thinks that my therapy w/her is a "conflict of interest" cause it's "another set of eyes on him" and doesn't want me to mention his drinking (of course not - why else am I there?????). He met w/the psychiatrist last Monday (with me there) to discuss being put on campral. AH admitted to drinking the entire weekend, so psychiatrist said it wasn't good medicine to give it to him till he was 2 weeks sober. Anyway, AH had to go back yesterday. Told the psychiatrist that he's been doing good, hasn't been drinking and would prefer not to be put on campral if he can do it himself. Pyschiatrist said "that's what I needed to hear" and was happy he was doing so well (WTF????). Today was AH court date for compliance (has to go once a month). The center notified the court that AH relapsed and was increased to 4 times a week. AH was nervous about court today, I told him not to be since he will have them conned. AH was so excited that everything went "great" in court today, not a word about any relapses, nothing!!! He was so excited, that instead of his one on one therapy tonite, he went there right after court today so he can promptly start drinking (he doesn't have group till tomorrow night) and is well on his way to being drunk already (at 11 a.m. this morning!!!!). So after me working all day, I gotta go home to that. And yes, I did have an attitude w/him on the phone, can't help it. Each level I turn to try to protect me and do what I need to do for me, and let everyone know what's going on w/him, is not helping me any at all. It's almost as if he's laughing in my face, he can't be put out of his own house according to the law, court's aren't caring if he "relapsed", his treatment center knows but "what can they do???", it's like ha in my face. I now I have to eventually leave my own house, I know that. I am giving up alot, a house, credit rating, etc. I need to make a plan, cause to be honest, I thought my order of protection against him banned him from drinking in the house, I thought that if he did drink it was automatic jail time (since that's what the DA and judge did say), I thought I could still have what is rightfully mine, and he can leave, which obviously isn't the case. To top it all off, I had a wonderful friendship with my older sister for over 18 years, shared all kinds of confidences, she was my best friend, and I thought it strange that she has not responded to my calls or e-mails in about two months. Now I find out that she has been speaking with my crackhead, ambien addicted, alcoholic sister (who we both cut ties w/along time ago) and somehow, someway they are both against me cause I am a "trouble maker" and always was. And my one sister, the one who was my best friend, betrayed alot of my confidences to the crackhead one. I trusted this sister w/my life, and I got stabbed in the back on that one. My life is not turning out at all the way I'd pictured it, and I've tried to do everything right, and it's not turning out good at all. I used to say no matter what, at least I have good kids, good husband and good family. Now I don't have any of it. My kids hate my AH, nobody is getting together for the holidays, my husband is a drunk who cons me all the time, and my sister betrayed me. I am at such a loss, and so depressed right now. Thanks for listening.
You all know my saga of AH, his court ordered treatment, continuous drinking, cops bringing him home instead of DWI's, cops refusing to put him out of the house even tho I have an order, etc. Anyway, AH is still unemployed and actively drinking each and every day, more on the weekends. There is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I understand that. I am in therapy with the director of the chemical dependency program that AH attends 4 times a week (and get this - 4 times a week, and he still passes the breathalyzer!). I have notified them and told her about his constant drinking, but until he "fails" a breathalyzer, which he is required to take each and every time he goes there, there is nothing they can do about it. Of course, AH thinks that my therapy w/her is a "conflict of interest" cause it's "another set of eyes on him" and doesn't want me to mention his drinking (of course not - why else am I there?????). He met w/the psychiatrist last Monday (with me there) to discuss being put on campral. AH admitted to drinking the entire weekend, so psychiatrist said it wasn't good medicine to give it to him till he was 2 weeks sober. Anyway, AH had to go back yesterday. Told the psychiatrist that he's been doing good, hasn't been drinking and would prefer not to be put on campral if he can do it himself. Pyschiatrist said "that's what I needed to hear" and was happy he was doing so well (WTF????). Today was AH court date for compliance (has to go once a month). The center notified the court that AH relapsed and was increased to 4 times a week. AH was nervous about court today, I told him not to be since he will have them conned. AH was so excited that everything went "great" in court today, not a word about any relapses, nothing!!! He was so excited, that instead of his one on one therapy tonite, he went there right after court today so he can promptly start drinking (he doesn't have group till tomorrow night) and is well on his way to being drunk already (at 11 a.m. this morning!!!!). So after me working all day, I gotta go home to that. And yes, I did have an attitude w/him on the phone, can't help it. Each level I turn to try to protect me and do what I need to do for me, and let everyone know what's going on w/him, is not helping me any at all. It's almost as if he's laughing in my face, he can't be put out of his own house according to the law, court's aren't caring if he "relapsed", his treatment center knows but "what can they do???", it's like ha in my face. I now I have to eventually leave my own house, I know that. I am giving up alot, a house, credit rating, etc. I need to make a plan, cause to be honest, I thought my order of protection against him banned him from drinking in the house, I thought that if he did drink it was automatic jail time (since that's what the DA and judge did say), I thought I could still have what is rightfully mine, and he can leave, which obviously isn't the case. To top it all off, I had a wonderful friendship with my older sister for over 18 years, shared all kinds of confidences, she was my best friend, and I thought it strange that she has not responded to my calls or e-mails in about two months. Now I find out that she has been speaking with my crackhead, ambien addicted, alcoholic sister (who we both cut ties w/along time ago) and somehow, someway they are both against me cause I am a "trouble maker" and always was. And my one sister, the one who was my best friend, betrayed alot of my confidences to the crackhead one. I trusted this sister w/my life, and I got stabbed in the back on that one. My life is not turning out at all the way I'd pictured it, and I've tried to do everything right, and it's not turning out good at all. I used to say no matter what, at least I have good kids, good husband and good family. Now I don't have any of it. My kids hate my AH, nobody is getting together for the holidays, my husband is a drunk who cons me all the time, and my sister betrayed me. I am at such a loss, and so depressed right now. Thanks for listening.
First Post: My story (1 pint in 2 sips, any suggestions)
Hello everybody,
I am extremely glad to have stumbled upon this site and have navigated and lurked on the site for about a week now.
I am 30 years old, live in Oklahoma and have been an addict/alcoholic since i can remember (maybe 12 years)
I'm single, have a 6 year old daughter(who lives with her mom) and ALWAYS need to be altered. I cannot remember the last time I got through a day without having something to curb my soberness.
I can drink a pint of vodka or whiskey in 2 sips (Could probably down it one if I really wanted to) and do this on a regular basis. When people watch me drink from the bottle they're usually in shock and I often get embarrassed because my problem is so evident. So I often times make up excuses like "I haven't done that in years" when in fact I do it on a regular basis.
Whether it's during lunch, when I'm on a job, right before a job interview, going grocery shopping, or just surfing the internet, I like to have at least a pint in my system.
If it's not hard liquor, it's wine and alot of it.
I can go days at a time and feel I can control it, but all it takes is one moment of boredom and I'm pulling up to the liquor store again. I cant even make it home from the liquor store without cracking the bottle, so I take the back route where the cops seldom go.
5 out of 7 times I drink I wake up the next morning in bed not remembering the last part of the night.
My biggest problem is that once I'm hammered, I like to go out and socialize.........so as you can guess I'm often traveling the streets at night driving my car when most people wouldnt be able to walk.
I'm currently 6 days sober.
Thank you for listening.
I am extremely glad to have stumbled upon this site and have navigated and lurked on the site for about a week now.
I am 30 years old, live in Oklahoma and have been an addict/alcoholic since i can remember (maybe 12 years)
I'm single, have a 6 year old daughter(who lives with her mom) and ALWAYS need to be altered. I cannot remember the last time I got through a day without having something to curb my soberness.
I can drink a pint of vodka or whiskey in 2 sips (Could probably down it one if I really wanted to) and do this on a regular basis. When people watch me drink from the bottle they're usually in shock and I often get embarrassed because my problem is so evident. So I often times make up excuses like "I haven't done that in years" when in fact I do it on a regular basis.
Whether it's during lunch, when I'm on a job, right before a job interview, going grocery shopping, or just surfing the internet, I like to have at least a pint in my system.
If it's not hard liquor, it's wine and alot of it.
I can go days at a time and feel I can control it, but all it takes is one moment of boredom and I'm pulling up to the liquor store again. I cant even make it home from the liquor store without cracking the bottle, so I take the back route where the cops seldom go.
5 out of 7 times I drink I wake up the next morning in bed not remembering the last part of the night.
My biggest problem is that once I'm hammered, I like to go out and socialize.........so as you can guess I'm often traveling the streets at night driving my car when most people wouldnt be able to walk.
I'm currently 6 days sober.
Thank you for listening.
Clarity moment
On Friday I went to a concert that had been planned over two months ago. My ex boyfriend (just friends) asked me to go and I said I would. This was all before my husband decided to get sober and come home. Since I already made the plans and really wanted to go to the concert I went.
I asked the ex not to bring drugs or alcohol into my car and told him I was not kidding. So get what happend.........
We get close and he insists we drive straight to a liquor store. I refused because I didn't have the gas and he was already showing signs of drinking so I turned the car around to go to the concert. I think that ticked him off a bit.
We get to the front gate and cops are frisking people. They go to frisk him and the cop notices he isn't pulling everything out of his pocket. My "friend" starts getting rude saying "what man? what the fk?" I'm totally embarassed at that point.
So John (the friend) pulls out a little joint and the cops says "all this for that?" and lets him go into the concert. Ohhhh and a handfu of condoms.I was mortified. So the ticket scanner couldn't scan his tickets because they were off the computer and the ink was dull. So then John starts getting rude again. Acting stupid. Total disrespect for authority.
Luckily I saw a few friends and they let us go in. Once we were in he headed straight to the beer tent.
He kept pressuring me to drink. I kept saying "I don't want a drink"
He wondered off the entire concert, all but a few times and when he walked up to me he would try to put his hands on my hips and I would firmly tell him to stop it! I was standing with my sister and her friend.
I told him I was leaving before the last band and on the way to the gate he started getting pissed.
Apparently he had planned that he was going to have sex with me. Alcoholic thinking. No way, shape or form did I give him that impression. So on the way to the car I started to get a bit scared and wondered what I should do.
For a few minutes into the ride he was oddly quiet. Then he starts swearing at me saying "now that your husband is back you are going to be with him?" and getting so bad I thought he was going to hit me. He is a big guy.
He was ranting and then would repeat himself which made me believe he was blacking out.:c029:
I felt I was going to be hit and raped without a doubt. I had to do some quick thinking and pulled into a store and asked him as nice as I could to please go buy me some water.
As soon as he got out I drove off and left his arse there.
I came home and told my husband. He knew I was shaken.
What a wake up call. I forgot how unpredictable alcoholics can be. How it can turn a kind, gentle friend into someone that you don't recognize. I've been friends with him for 15 years.
So any girls out there that have alcoholic friends, please be careful. They turn into other people so fast and it can be so dangerous. I learned a huge lesson that could have been deadly. That's why I am sharing
I asked the ex not to bring drugs or alcohol into my car and told him I was not kidding. So get what happend.........
We get close and he insists we drive straight to a liquor store. I refused because I didn't have the gas and he was already showing signs of drinking so I turned the car around to go to the concert. I think that ticked him off a bit.
We get to the front gate and cops are frisking people. They go to frisk him and the cop notices he isn't pulling everything out of his pocket. My "friend" starts getting rude saying "what man? what the fk?" I'm totally embarassed at that point.
So John (the friend) pulls out a little joint and the cops says "all this for that?" and lets him go into the concert. Ohhhh and a handfu of condoms.I was mortified. So the ticket scanner couldn't scan his tickets because they were off the computer and the ink was dull. So then John starts getting rude again. Acting stupid. Total disrespect for authority.
Luckily I saw a few friends and they let us go in. Once we were in he headed straight to the beer tent.
He kept pressuring me to drink. I kept saying "I don't want a drink"
He wondered off the entire concert, all but a few times and when he walked up to me he would try to put his hands on my hips and I would firmly tell him to stop it! I was standing with my sister and her friend.
I told him I was leaving before the last band and on the way to the gate he started getting pissed.
Apparently he had planned that he was going to have sex with me. Alcoholic thinking. No way, shape or form did I give him that impression. So on the way to the car I started to get a bit scared and wondered what I should do.
For a few minutes into the ride he was oddly quiet. Then he starts swearing at me saying "now that your husband is back you are going to be with him?" and getting so bad I thought he was going to hit me. He is a big guy.
He was ranting and then would repeat himself which made me believe he was blacking out.:c029:
I felt I was going to be hit and raped without a doubt. I had to do some quick thinking and pulled into a store and asked him as nice as I could to please go buy me some water.
As soon as he got out I drove off and left his arse there.
I came home and told my husband. He knew I was shaken.
What a wake up call. I forgot how unpredictable alcoholics can be. How it can turn a kind, gentle friend into someone that you don't recognize. I've been friends with him for 15 years.
So any girls out there that have alcoholic friends, please be careful. They turn into other people so fast and it can be so dangerous. I learned a huge lesson that could have been deadly. That's why I am sharing
Need to get this off my chest.
Hi,
I haven't posted in a few months but have continued to attend Nar-Anon and Al-Anon meetings each week.
I am the Mom of a 28 yr old AS. He has been telling me for the past 5-6 weeks that he was holding down 3 diff. PT jobs and staying at a friends house from his Out Patient Rehab group.
I learned today that he does not work at 2 of the three places and that he has not been staying where he told me. He has a new girlfriend (maybe 6 months) and she called me in tears today saying he has been borrowing money from her (which she's been borrowing from her parents) and all the while telling her I was going to pay it back. I have been giving him money as well.
The story and lies go on and on, but the bottom line is, while on the one hand I want to HATE myself for doing the wrong thing, on the other hand I say "He's my son, he told me these amazing stories about what he needed money for and I so badly wanted to believe him and help him."
He claims he is going to come to my work tomorrow morning with a paycheck that he will sign over to me. I said if he didn't I would call the cops and report my car (which he is using) stolen. I know, it would have been easier to not give him the money than have to go through the bartering and threats. But I thought I was helping him to have a place to sleep for a few more nights, or that's what he convinced me of as we were standing out in the cold parking lot of the grocery store.
I don't expect anyone to solve my problem. I just needed to vent in an attempt to lessen the obsession about it tonight. I called and talked to one of my Al-Anon group members as well - she talked me through a couple of ideas to use. I would appreciate support though and hope that as I continue my journey I will find the strength and courage to let my HP in and put my life in his hands. I apologize to anyone I offend by not being as strong as I should be, including my HP!
Thanks,
Joan
I haven't posted in a few months but have continued to attend Nar-Anon and Al-Anon meetings each week.
I am the Mom of a 28 yr old AS. He has been telling me for the past 5-6 weeks that he was holding down 3 diff. PT jobs and staying at a friends house from his Out Patient Rehab group.
I learned today that he does not work at 2 of the three places and that he has not been staying where he told me. He has a new girlfriend (maybe 6 months) and she called me in tears today saying he has been borrowing money from her (which she's been borrowing from her parents) and all the while telling her I was going to pay it back. I have been giving him money as well.
The story and lies go on and on, but the bottom line is, while on the one hand I want to HATE myself for doing the wrong thing, on the other hand I say "He's my son, he told me these amazing stories about what he needed money for and I so badly wanted to believe him and help him."
He claims he is going to come to my work tomorrow morning with a paycheck that he will sign over to me. I said if he didn't I would call the cops and report my car (which he is using) stolen. I know, it would have been easier to not give him the money than have to go through the bartering and threats. But I thought I was helping him to have a place to sleep for a few more nights, or that's what he convinced me of as we were standing out in the cold parking lot of the grocery store.
I don't expect anyone to solve my problem. I just needed to vent in an attempt to lessen the obsession about it tonight. I called and talked to one of my Al-Anon group members as well - she talked me through a couple of ideas to use. I would appreciate support though and hope that as I continue my journey I will find the strength and courage to let my HP in and put my life in his hands. I apologize to anyone I offend by not being as strong as I should be, including my HP!
Thanks,
Joan
love the person, hate the disease
he is gone.
he abused me very specifically physically four times. i took out one incident report after the second time and after the fourth time i had him arrested. he had me arrested also. said i hit him in the head with with a plate, which i did not do. there was no plate within reach.
my charge is a felony, his is a misdeamor. he bloodied my nose. they say he showed evidence of a lump, but several weeks ago he slammed into a stop sign on his bike and there you go. my nose is still sore. he may be dead. or with another woman. i hear he has a new female drinking buddy.
so we were both arrested. i spent the night in jail. not so bad for a female as there are fewer females in jail than males. i had a quiet night of sleep then he offered to drop the charges and i refused. now we go to court dec. 15. so now we have a restraining order, no contact within one hundred yards of one another. i have changed the locks. he is unemployed. the cops brought him back to our apartment to get his stuff but all he took was two coats. i am afraid he took a swim in the ocean and is gone foreever. he is disturbed mentally, screaming at me, his mother, his sister, and busted his friends tv. he is a mess. i work full time and realized he was drinking a lot but not at eight a.m............wow.
my leasing agent consulted with her attorney and now that there is a restraining order the locks can be changed legally even though he is on the lease. so i am safe. he must be distraught, and gone..........
i am feeling forlorn at times, worried sick because he is in bad health and i am strong and healty with a good job. the DV police are checking on me frequently. i welcome their presence.
what worries me is that he lost his cell phone. i have the pass word to check his messages. i have not listened to them, but i have been able to determine that he is not checking. which makes me think he took a swim in the ocean. he is in pain from scoliosis and collapsed lungs and ready to give up. what can i do? nothing. he should at least be checking his mgs. remotely, it is easy to do.
please pray for him, more than me. he has lost so much more than me in this life. i have money, a job, and shelter. he doesn't even have a change of underwear. it's cold outside and he had a fourteen inch steel rod in his back from the scoliosis, which torments him with chills and pain. at least he says. i still have my warm bed and my loving cat, food in the fridge, electricity, heat and cash. i hope he is with this other woman, without jealousy or anger, as long as he is alive and safe and warm. after a while she will get the same abuse as i did, but for the time being, perhaps he is safe.
i wish you all the best, i know you all are struggling too, and together we can support one another.
kind regards,
shannon
he abused me very specifically physically four times. i took out one incident report after the second time and after the fourth time i had him arrested. he had me arrested also. said i hit him in the head with with a plate, which i did not do. there was no plate within reach.
my charge is a felony, his is a misdeamor. he bloodied my nose. they say he showed evidence of a lump, but several weeks ago he slammed into a stop sign on his bike and there you go. my nose is still sore. he may be dead. or with another woman. i hear he has a new female drinking buddy.
so we were both arrested. i spent the night in jail. not so bad for a female as there are fewer females in jail than males. i had a quiet night of sleep then he offered to drop the charges and i refused. now we go to court dec. 15. so now we have a restraining order, no contact within one hundred yards of one another. i have changed the locks. he is unemployed. the cops brought him back to our apartment to get his stuff but all he took was two coats. i am afraid he took a swim in the ocean and is gone foreever. he is disturbed mentally, screaming at me, his mother, his sister, and busted his friends tv. he is a mess. i work full time and realized he was drinking a lot but not at eight a.m............wow.
my leasing agent consulted with her attorney and now that there is a restraining order the locks can be changed legally even though he is on the lease. so i am safe. he must be distraught, and gone..........
i am feeling forlorn at times, worried sick because he is in bad health and i am strong and healty with a good job. the DV police are checking on me frequently. i welcome their presence.
what worries me is that he lost his cell phone. i have the pass word to check his messages. i have not listened to them, but i have been able to determine that he is not checking. which makes me think he took a swim in the ocean. he is in pain from scoliosis and collapsed lungs and ready to give up. what can i do? nothing. he should at least be checking his mgs. remotely, it is easy to do.
please pray for him, more than me. he has lost so much more than me in this life. i have money, a job, and shelter. he doesn't even have a change of underwear. it's cold outside and he had a fourteen inch steel rod in his back from the scoliosis, which torments him with chills and pain. at least he says. i still have my warm bed and my loving cat, food in the fridge, electricity, heat and cash. i hope he is with this other woman, without jealousy or anger, as long as he is alive and safe and warm. after a while she will get the same abuse as i did, but for the time being, perhaps he is safe.
i wish you all the best, i know you all are struggling too, and together we can support one another.
kind regards,
shannon
The great lie.
The Lies We Tell:
MINIMIZATION
The first lie we tell ourselves is called minimization. This is where we take reality and make it smaller. We think the problem is not that bad. If an alcoholic takes an eight ounce glass and fills it up with ice, and takes a shot glass full of whiskey, and pours it over the ice, and holds the glass up to the light, they will be disappointed. A shot glass full to the brim with whiskey makes a disgustingly small dent in an eight ounce glass.
If you are an alcoholic, you are not going to use a shot glass. If you have a shot glass at home, it is gathering dust. You are going to pour your whiskey until you see some color in that glass. Now, if we were to take this drink, and measure how many shots are in it, we are going to find four, maybe five, shots in the glass. Here's how we minimize: We think, and believe, that this is a drink, one drink, but it's not one drink, it's really four drinks.
We can do the same thing with beer cans. If you are a beer drinker, you have a considerable collection of empty beer cans at the end of the week. When you take the garbage out, you have got, maybe two big plastic trash can bags full of cans. As you are going out to take out the garbage, you may think, "Boy, I hope the garbage person doesn't think I'm drinking all this beer." At that time, you may put one of the bags on your garbage pile, and the other one on your neighbor's pile.
We can minimize about our mounting problems. Everyone gets a couple of DWI's don't they? Almost everybody gets a divorce. It's not so bad to spend a couple of nights in jail. We're a good person, we're not bad, we were just unlucky, the cops were after us. We take what is real and make it look smaller. We lie to ourselves, and we believe the lie.
RATIONALIZATION
The next lie we tell is called rationalization. This is where we have a good excuse. Probably the most commonly used excuse for drinking is, I had a hard day. It follows, therefore, that if I had such a hard day, I deserve to get blasted. Anyone, who had the hard day that I had, would need to relax. Let's have a few beers, a couple of joints. In rationalizing we may blame our problems on someone else. "If you would just lighten up," we might say, "I could straighten things out." We may think remorsefully of all we could have been, if we had been born wealthy, or been given the right brakes. We look at all those successful people and we hate them. We never had such a chance, we tell ourselves. There's no God. If there was a God, where was God when I needed God.
DENIAL
The last type of lie that we tell ourselves, and this one is the most characteristic of chemical dependency is denial. Denial is a stubborn angry refusal to see the truth. Here we refuse to see what is right before our eyes. We block out what is real until we really don't see it at all. The best way to show you how this works is to give you an example. You are walking down the street and it is a very hot day. It's ninety-five degrees in the shade. Sweat is pouring down your face. As you walk up the road, watching the heat waves rise up off of the asphalt, people are standing along side of the road with pails full of ice water. As you pass each of them, they throw their bucket full of reality in your face. "Your wife's divorcing you! That's your third DWI! The boss won't put up with you anymore! You're in trouble with your parents again!" You see the pails of water, you see them throw them in your face, you hear the words that are shouted at you, but you do not experience the full reality of what's happening, you don't get the full emotional impact of the problems. With your whole life falling apart, you are walking up the street as if nothing was happening at all. The people around you are amazed. Why doesn't he see? Why doesn't she understand? Why can't they see what's happening to them?
HOW TO BEGIN TO LIVE IN THE TRUTH
A key component of alcoholism treatment is uncovering the truth. Recovery from addiction demands rigorous honesty. You can't see what's happening to you because you are lying to yourself. You can't see the truth because you believe the lies. You are completely fooled. In treatment the full reality of what has been happening to you will be before you. It will be painful, but the truth will set you free. Recovery is an endless search for the truth and we must be willing to listen to what others say. We must try to be open to what people tell us about ourselves and our actions. We reflect to each other what we see. We try to find the truth together. What we cannot do alone, we can do together.
THE GREAT LIE
It is important for us to know how the psychology of chemical dependency gets going. In childhood we come to believe in the great lie. This lie is at the core of alcoholism or drug addiction. We do not hear this lie from our parents or from our friends. We don't hear it from our teachers or from television. It is more powerful than that. We hear this lie inside of our own thinking, inside of that most personal part of ourselves. The lie is this: If you tell anyone the whole truth about you, they won't like you.
Once we hear this lie and believe this lie, we know that we will never be loved for who we are. Therefore to get any of the good stuff out of life at all, we have to pretend to be someone that we are not. We try to be someone else. We watch those people who are popular and we copy them. We are very careful about what kind of clothes we wear. We copy people's mannerisms and their fine little gestures. We find ourselves cocking our heads in a certain way when we laugh or smile. We are hoping to fool the people. We hope that they cannot see the real me. We want them to see the pretend me.
HOW THE GREAT LIE WORKS
As this coping behavior occurs, it works. Some people do like us for the new me we are trying to be. We become pleased to know that we are not going to be alone. The people we are fooling will love us. We begin to wear specific costumes and to play certain roles. We may wear the nice girl costume or the cowhand costume. We may wear the hippie costume or the yuppie costume. We know it is a costume, we know it's not us, but the people are fooled, and the lie goes on.
WE NEVER FEEL ACCEPTED
We must look carefully at what is happening. We have fooled people into liking us--but they don't really like us--they don't know us; we are keeping who we are secret. As we keep doing this, making this effort to be loved, our emptiness grows, our pain increases. We try hard. We copy everyone that looks cool. We put on the best false front we can, but in time, we realize it isn't going to work. We feel more and more lonely and isolated. We have known all along, that we weren't going to be loved, not for the real us. No one was going to love us.
THE PROMISE OF THE DISEASE
When we are lonely enough in this process, when we are isolated enough, when we are hurting enough, the illness comes along and offers us a smorgasbord of answers to our pain. Sex, money, power, influence, drugs, gambling, and alcohol, are all there, and more, and we feed on this cafeteria of sin. For a while, things get better. All these things relieve the pain for a little while. We find ourselves irresistibly drawn to this table of wrongs. We spend more time doing it. We eat, drink, stuff, cram, push and shove. We find more and more of our life centers around the use of these things. We get up on the table and stuff ourselves. We begin to lose our morals and values. We eat, and consume, and vomit, and stuff ourselves even more. In time, there is never enough. There is not enough sex. There is not enough money. There is not enough power. There is not enough booze. AA says, one drink is too much and a thousand is never enough.
TRUTH
Finally, we begin to get sick from this cafeteria of wrongs. We realize an awful fact: The answer is not in these things. It is a terrible point of grief when we finally realize that the answer is not in our drug of choice. This is not a happy time, but by now, we are addicted, we can't stop. We want to stop drinking. We promise ourselves that we'll stop, but we can't stop, we're addicted.
How to stop the lies and begin recovery.
One of the things we must be willing to do is tell the truth all the time. Nothing else will stop the great lie. WE are enslaved to our addiction, but the truth will set us free of our chains.
In alcoholism recovery, probably for the first time in our lives, we have the opportunity to get honest. If we don't, if you hold anything back, you will return to chemicals. We don't have to tell everyone the truth, but there is a psychological law at work. The law is this: The more you can share the closer you can get, and the closer you can get the more you can share. As intimacy grows, you tell more of the truth.
It is vitally important that we find out the truth about ourselves.
MINIMIZATION
The first lie we tell ourselves is called minimization. This is where we take reality and make it smaller. We think the problem is not that bad. If an alcoholic takes an eight ounce glass and fills it up with ice, and takes a shot glass full of whiskey, and pours it over the ice, and holds the glass up to the light, they will be disappointed. A shot glass full to the brim with whiskey makes a disgustingly small dent in an eight ounce glass.
If you are an alcoholic, you are not going to use a shot glass. If you have a shot glass at home, it is gathering dust. You are going to pour your whiskey until you see some color in that glass. Now, if we were to take this drink, and measure how many shots are in it, we are going to find four, maybe five, shots in the glass. Here's how we minimize: We think, and believe, that this is a drink, one drink, but it's not one drink, it's really four drinks.
We can do the same thing with beer cans. If you are a beer drinker, you have a considerable collection of empty beer cans at the end of the week. When you take the garbage out, you have got, maybe two big plastic trash can bags full of cans. As you are going out to take out the garbage, you may think, "Boy, I hope the garbage person doesn't think I'm drinking all this beer." At that time, you may put one of the bags on your garbage pile, and the other one on your neighbor's pile.
We can minimize about our mounting problems. Everyone gets a couple of DWI's don't they? Almost everybody gets a divorce. It's not so bad to spend a couple of nights in jail. We're a good person, we're not bad, we were just unlucky, the cops were after us. We take what is real and make it look smaller. We lie to ourselves, and we believe the lie.
RATIONALIZATION
The next lie we tell is called rationalization. This is where we have a good excuse. Probably the most commonly used excuse for drinking is, I had a hard day. It follows, therefore, that if I had such a hard day, I deserve to get blasted. Anyone, who had the hard day that I had, would need to relax. Let's have a few beers, a couple of joints. In rationalizing we may blame our problems on someone else. "If you would just lighten up," we might say, "I could straighten things out." We may think remorsefully of all we could have been, if we had been born wealthy, or been given the right brakes. We look at all those successful people and we hate them. We never had such a chance, we tell ourselves. There's no God. If there was a God, where was God when I needed God.
DENIAL
The last type of lie that we tell ourselves, and this one is the most characteristic of chemical dependency is denial. Denial is a stubborn angry refusal to see the truth. Here we refuse to see what is right before our eyes. We block out what is real until we really don't see it at all. The best way to show you how this works is to give you an example. You are walking down the street and it is a very hot day. It's ninety-five degrees in the shade. Sweat is pouring down your face. As you walk up the road, watching the heat waves rise up off of the asphalt, people are standing along side of the road with pails full of ice water. As you pass each of them, they throw their bucket full of reality in your face. "Your wife's divorcing you! That's your third DWI! The boss won't put up with you anymore! You're in trouble with your parents again!" You see the pails of water, you see them throw them in your face, you hear the words that are shouted at you, but you do not experience the full reality of what's happening, you don't get the full emotional impact of the problems. With your whole life falling apart, you are walking up the street as if nothing was happening at all. The people around you are amazed. Why doesn't he see? Why doesn't she understand? Why can't they see what's happening to them?
HOW TO BEGIN TO LIVE IN THE TRUTH
A key component of alcoholism treatment is uncovering the truth. Recovery from addiction demands rigorous honesty. You can't see what's happening to you because you are lying to yourself. You can't see the truth because you believe the lies. You are completely fooled. In treatment the full reality of what has been happening to you will be before you. It will be painful, but the truth will set you free. Recovery is an endless search for the truth and we must be willing to listen to what others say. We must try to be open to what people tell us about ourselves and our actions. We reflect to each other what we see. We try to find the truth together. What we cannot do alone, we can do together.
THE GREAT LIE
It is important for us to know how the psychology of chemical dependency gets going. In childhood we come to believe in the great lie. This lie is at the core of alcoholism or drug addiction. We do not hear this lie from our parents or from our friends. We don't hear it from our teachers or from television. It is more powerful than that. We hear this lie inside of our own thinking, inside of that most personal part of ourselves. The lie is this: If you tell anyone the whole truth about you, they won't like you.
Once we hear this lie and believe this lie, we know that we will never be loved for who we are. Therefore to get any of the good stuff out of life at all, we have to pretend to be someone that we are not. We try to be someone else. We watch those people who are popular and we copy them. We are very careful about what kind of clothes we wear. We copy people's mannerisms and their fine little gestures. We find ourselves cocking our heads in a certain way when we laugh or smile. We are hoping to fool the people. We hope that they cannot see the real me. We want them to see the pretend me.
HOW THE GREAT LIE WORKS
As this coping behavior occurs, it works. Some people do like us for the new me we are trying to be. We become pleased to know that we are not going to be alone. The people we are fooling will love us. We begin to wear specific costumes and to play certain roles. We may wear the nice girl costume or the cowhand costume. We may wear the hippie costume or the yuppie costume. We know it is a costume, we know it's not us, but the people are fooled, and the lie goes on.
WE NEVER FEEL ACCEPTED
We must look carefully at what is happening. We have fooled people into liking us--but they don't really like us--they don't know us; we are keeping who we are secret. As we keep doing this, making this effort to be loved, our emptiness grows, our pain increases. We try hard. We copy everyone that looks cool. We put on the best false front we can, but in time, we realize it isn't going to work. We feel more and more lonely and isolated. We have known all along, that we weren't going to be loved, not for the real us. No one was going to love us.
THE PROMISE OF THE DISEASE
When we are lonely enough in this process, when we are isolated enough, when we are hurting enough, the illness comes along and offers us a smorgasbord of answers to our pain. Sex, money, power, influence, drugs, gambling, and alcohol, are all there, and more, and we feed on this cafeteria of sin. For a while, things get better. All these things relieve the pain for a little while. We find ourselves irresistibly drawn to this table of wrongs. We spend more time doing it. We eat, drink, stuff, cram, push and shove. We find more and more of our life centers around the use of these things. We get up on the table and stuff ourselves. We begin to lose our morals and values. We eat, and consume, and vomit, and stuff ourselves even more. In time, there is never enough. There is not enough sex. There is not enough money. There is not enough power. There is not enough booze. AA says, one drink is too much and a thousand is never enough.
TRUTH
Finally, we begin to get sick from this cafeteria of wrongs. We realize an awful fact: The answer is not in these things. It is a terrible point of grief when we finally realize that the answer is not in our drug of choice. This is not a happy time, but by now, we are addicted, we can't stop. We want to stop drinking. We promise ourselves that we'll stop, but we can't stop, we're addicted.
How to stop the lies and begin recovery.
One of the things we must be willing to do is tell the truth all the time. Nothing else will stop the great lie. WE are enslaved to our addiction, but the truth will set us free of our chains.
In alcoholism recovery, probably for the first time in our lives, we have the opportunity to get honest. If we don't, if you hold anything back, you will return to chemicals. We don't have to tell everyone the truth, but there is a psychological law at work. The law is this: The more you can share the closer you can get, and the closer you can get the more you can share. As intimacy grows, you tell more of the truth.
It is vitally important that we find out the truth about ourselves.
it never rains but it pours
I've been waiting anxiously for a month to get my sister back into seeing the doctor/therapist she's had some success with in the past. She had a long history of irresponsible living and drug abuse that built up to 2 arrests within a month last December for faking prescriptions for percs and oxy. She made some progress in recovery for the first half of this year, but fell back into the old habits over the summer. All this time she's had a live-in bf (with previous alcohol problem) who's stood by her but whose patience is nearly at an end. And 2 weeks ago she found out she's pregnant. It all seemed ready to blow.
So Monday I go with her back to seeing the doctor. It'll be weekly visits from now on with me coming to all of them. They discuss both her treatments and what's in store if she keeps the baby (as she seems determined to do). I leave feeling hopeful that maybe her relapse can be turned around, the bf's fears eased, and maybe, just maybe, having a baby in all this won't be a total disaster.
Well. The next night at 3am I get a frantic call from her that the bf has come home drunk out his head and is trashing the place and screaming at her about all the the bad things she's done over the months. Cops take him away and now he's got to live in a different city with his mother who posted his bond. At the moment she's alone, except for me checking in and friends.
Then today we found our dad's chemo is no longer working and won't be continued. Not sure how much longer he's got, but whether he'll be around to see her baby born is in doubt.
All these things are connected. The BF's relapse in alcohol abuse by his frustrations with her, her fears over whether he'll stay and our dad's health making her own recover harder, the pregnancy thrown in which makes him feel trapped now, and her fears of being abandoned. One big knot to unravel!
While at times I've been sick with worry this week about where this is going and why it all hit at once, I'm hoping that maybe after the shocks are over, and time goes on some good could come of it. He's required to get alcoholism treatment now (and I know he will), she has continued to make her therapy appointments with me as the moral support, and knowing a baby is on the way and our dad's time could be short seems to be focusing her mind on staying clean for those reasons.
So Monday I go with her back to seeing the doctor. It'll be weekly visits from now on with me coming to all of them. They discuss both her treatments and what's in store if she keeps the baby (as she seems determined to do). I leave feeling hopeful that maybe her relapse can be turned around, the bf's fears eased, and maybe, just maybe, having a baby in all this won't be a total disaster.
Well. The next night at 3am I get a frantic call from her that the bf has come home drunk out his head and is trashing the place and screaming at her about all the the bad things she's done over the months. Cops take him away and now he's got to live in a different city with his mother who posted his bond. At the moment she's alone, except for me checking in and friends.
Then today we found our dad's chemo is no longer working and won't be continued. Not sure how much longer he's got, but whether he'll be around to see her baby born is in doubt.
All these things are connected. The BF's relapse in alcohol abuse by his frustrations with her, her fears over whether he'll stay and our dad's health making her own recover harder, the pregnancy thrown in which makes him feel trapped now, and her fears of being abandoned. One big knot to unravel!
While at times I've been sick with worry this week about where this is going and why it all hit at once, I'm hoping that maybe after the shocks are over, and time goes on some good could come of it. He's required to get alcoholism treatment now (and I know he will), she has continued to make her therapy appointments with me as the moral support, and knowing a baby is on the way and our dad's time could be short seems to be focusing her mind on staying clean for those reasons.
I am in need of understanding and am willing to listen
Hello all,
I have been married for almost 8 years to a buetiful wife and have one 5 year old little girl. About a week ago my wife got very drunk and angry with me. When I wouldnt do what she was asking she ended up kicking me in the head and trying to flail at me. At this point I kicked her out of the house and locked it up. Once she was gone I called the cops and made a report. The next morning she returned still drunk and I informed her in front of my child that she was not welcome in my house.
So with all this going on one of her girlfriends put her in the car and drove her to an AA meeting. She didnt make her go inside but did inform her that if you want to save your family here is a good step. So for the last week I have been living else were and am letting her reside at our house. Oh yea because I didnt want my daughter around my inlaws flew in from florida and took her back with them. So for the last week she has been to 2-3 meetings a day and trying to get herself in order.
I have read some the other posts on here and am just looking for some advice or opinions. I see a counsler twice a week for my own isues and her advice was to let her have all the time she needs to get things on a path that she will understand. She also recomended to me that since we have been married for almost 8 years and would like to continue being married I should still try and stay intimate with her. for example ask her out once a week for a date so that she knows I love her and think she is buetiful.
I am confused because some people are telling me to leave her others are saying that once she is completely involved in AA she wont want to keep our family going because of the rules AA has established. And yet still others are telling me to be that support system she needs and every now and then help forget for a couple of hours a week the emotional stress.
I dont understand and am a little helpless right now. Any input would help.
I have been married for almost 8 years to a buetiful wife and have one 5 year old little girl. About a week ago my wife got very drunk and angry with me. When I wouldnt do what she was asking she ended up kicking me in the head and trying to flail at me. At this point I kicked her out of the house and locked it up. Once she was gone I called the cops and made a report. The next morning she returned still drunk and I informed her in front of my child that she was not welcome in my house.
So with all this going on one of her girlfriends put her in the car and drove her to an AA meeting. She didnt make her go inside but did inform her that if you want to save your family here is a good step. So for the last week I have been living else were and am letting her reside at our house. Oh yea because I didnt want my daughter around my inlaws flew in from florida and took her back with them. So for the last week she has been to 2-3 meetings a day and trying to get herself in order.
I have read some the other posts on here and am just looking for some advice or opinions. I see a counsler twice a week for my own isues and her advice was to let her have all the time she needs to get things on a path that she will understand. She also recomended to me that since we have been married for almost 8 years and would like to continue being married I should still try and stay intimate with her. for example ask her out once a week for a date so that she knows I love her and think she is buetiful.
I am confused because some people are telling me to leave her others are saying that once she is completely involved in AA she wont want to keep our family going because of the rules AA has established. And yet still others are telling me to be that support system she needs and every now and then help forget for a couple of hours a week the emotional stress.
I dont understand and am a little helpless right now. Any input would help.
