Drug Rehab Options Blog

Haven't been here for a while as my stepfather took a turn for the worse and I had to help take care of him as his dementia became worse and he couldn't walk (to much for my 70 year old mother). We finally got him into a Hospice, but he died within six hours of being there. I miss him very much. So everything was on the backburner, until now. Update:

I finally confronted my AH. I now know that the male friend's house that he flopped at and "played cards" all night belongs to his single insurance agent. And it is her house that he has been fixing up. I told him everything I knew and he acted like he was all innocent with "I only slept on her couch". Hello????? I told him that she can have him, but he said he loved me (bull) and didn't want a divorce (but I do). He refuses to show me his credit card statements (spending more then $1000 a month at bar???? or buying her stuff??? And that's the amount I know about) and I wonder what else he bought her besides drinks. I haven't slept with him in two nights. He continues to text her and stands by the story that he slept on her couch and refuses marriage counseling and says we need to communicate more (he talks and I listen and comply is his definition). I told him he was a sick man and I've had enough. I've actually yelled at him (something I never did) and shake with anger. I'm a nervous wreak because I had to take care of a funeral and make other arrangements while knowing all of this. And it makes me sick that he is so smug and arrogant and ticked off that I confronted him. I can't believe that I've been shopping for cloths at the Salvation Army, clipping coupons, lugging our garbage, etc, etc, etc, just so he can be Mr. Goodtime and buy drinks for HER (he says it was all for him, bull).:c004: He even went so far as to get money out of the kid's bank accounts to pay for their Christmas gifts (said it was HIS money anyway). And the furniture he bought from an old couple belonged to HER parents!!!

Did my talking to him about all of this keep him from her and the bar: You all can guess the answer is no. He was out again the first chance he could get.

Part of me says what if he is telling the truth about not sleeping with her? There was another couple there, but they probably left after the cards (lie here too?) But it is obvious (he says he can talk to her and not me) he is having an emotional affair with her AT LEAST. Oh, and he met her at the bar and she is a heavy drinker too. They deserve each other. I guess I have a lot of stuff to take to the lawyer now. I know that he can get the cell phone records and bank account info etc, etc. I have enough for a retainer now and with my mother's help I can get by and will make an appointment to see the lawyer. Things will move fast then because now I have a concrete place to go. I've told the kids and they are actually glad and the oldest one knew something was going on (AH shows my ten year old a photo of his bartender he entered into the hottest bartender contest).

Is it possible to sat in a relationship with someone who drinks? My SO had a booze fueled weekend and I can see it is going to be hard to stay sober. He does not include me in anything because I don't drink anymore. I feel isolated.

He even spent the entire night out on a friends couch because of his drinking. I was scared and never heard from him again until late that afternoon. I think he wants to see how far he can push me.

I do not want to give up my sobriety. He says "plenty of guys wives don't drink and let them drink, what is the problem?'

I don't think I can do it. :a108:

Day 22 was when I slipped up after my first attempt. It's Day 22 again and I really want to drink. Not have a drink... I want to drink. I know you know what I mean.

My mind has been all over the place today. I knew today would be tricky because it's the end of the holiday season, my daughter's at her dad's house, I have the house to myself, etc. I just want to get out of my head. I honestly don't even know what I'm wanting to run away from, but I am on full tilt here.

This evening is going to be minute by minute. Knock some sense back into me. I am making all these excuses for why it would be ok to drink just tonight. At least I don't have any in the house, so as long as I can stay parked on the couch I'll be ok. But there's a store just a half mile away... HELP!

Try to make a long story short. Addict lives with me. Won't stop using. Needs hospitalization for bad wounds that won't heal. keeps promising he'll go to hospital. Bugs me for money. Lays on couch all day in agony. Needs his drugs. I am enabling. Can't get him to hospital. he won't let me call ambulance. Today promised for 2 weeks today he'd go. Came time to go, wanted his drugs, asked for money. Now, still hasn't gone.

I need to move Again. Everytime I try to leave, he comes back, or I do. To help him. But I don't help.

I pay for and do everything. he on couch all day. he is very sick. wounds that won't heal from surgeries done last year. Won't go to doctor, I offer to take him.

I need to get out don't I? My house, my name on the lease, my money that feeds and clothes and takes care of him, I never clean enough, never do enough to help him.

I really need help. What do I do? He cannot take care of himself. :praying

dear all,

first of all i wish everyone a happy new year with lots of strength, energy, peace and happiness!

i just feel i need to share something because i'm not sure where to go from here.
my new year's eve was not that great due to my bf's drinking (am i even surprised..)
i hardly got any sleep last night because i got woken up every hour or two (by his singing, coming into the frontroom - i'm sleeping on the couch at the moment - or going into the kitchen to have something to eat at 6am - the kitchen goes off the frontroom so the kitchen light alone was enough, plus his talking to himself and banging cupboard doors ;-)).

i felt pretty shattered today when it should be a day of joy, peace and all the rest of it.
he only had a couple of hours sleep himself so he was still drunk when he got up.
he went out to get some beer (6 bottles), but said he wouldn't get any more later.
he came back (even more drunk) and gave me the rest of the money.
we still ended up arguing because i felt he was in my space and made me feel very uncomfortable by talking (nonsense) non-stop..all the while i felt he wasn't even there himself, like there was just some drunk and obnoxious stranger sitting in my frontroom. really spun me out.

finally he went to bed so i had some peace. but not long after that he got up again and demanded the rest of the money to buy more beer. i refused at first but since he got more aggressive and started shouting really loudly WHERE'S MY MONEY i then gave him his stupid money.

he went to get 5 more bottles and just came back.
i wonder if i will have any sleep tonight because i have to go to work in the morning.

now my dilemma:
he had been to visit some family and i was going to ask him not to come back (as i wrote in my last post here), but since he had promised to "be better" because he did not want to lose me i had let him come back.

then he actually was "very good" for a while, and a nice bf so to speak. no drama or anything. but then just as the end of the year was nearing he went overboard again and broke several rules and always said "next year" he would be totally different.
so today is "next year" and he said well it's new year's day and a holiday.

so what am i going to do now? did almost book him a flight yesterday when i felt like falling off the edge of sanity.
then i thought hang on - isn't alcoholism an illness? can you just desert someone with an illness?
on the other hand if he is making me feel ill in the process it would be justified i guess.
so i thought fine let him have today as well and then tomorrow i will write down a proper list of boundaries (so far it was all just words), and if he breaks just ONE of these boundaries there will be no lesser consequence than me booking him a flight.

while writing i think i might have answered my own question..;-) but part of me thought yesterday and today there is no point waiting if he keeps his promises in the new year because he won't anyway so why prolong the pain.

it is such a shame that he always needs to celebrate things by getting off his head rather than trying to have a good time with me, his girlfriend that he says he loves more than anything else in the world.

i don't understand that really.

anyway i have written far too much, just needed to get it off my chest, thanks for reading it all and again all the best for 2009!

emily

i truly don't know how much more of this i can take you guys.

i want to just scream and cry and yell. i've been so patient but something has to give soon.

i just don't know how much longer i can stand staying in this house with AH. i have no idea when it is going to sell or when this nightmare is going to end. i called today about an apartment, but i'm on the waiting list and she doesn't have anyone that has even given a 30 day notice.

even my mom says she doesn't know how i've standed it as long as i have.

i want peace. i know that every second i stay here and allow AH to verbally abuse me (not to mention the fear of physical abuse or something horrible happening to him or someone else) the more my self esteem and my will go down.

i've done so much to build myself up, i really don't want to lose myself again.

last night after a bunch of verbally attacking me as i sat on the couch and said absolutely nothing. then he just stands there and stares at me or laughs every time he goes by me (which really kinda creeps me out), he was so drunk he urinated himself, then he got up from that and got in a truck and drove. i don't know how he does it without getting a dui. he can kill somebody or kill himself. of course, this morning raging and yelling at me the whole time i was getting ready for work continuing to degrade me.

i don't have any control over anything with him anymore. i can't talk any logical sense into him. i can't reach him.

it really hurts and makes me sick to my stomach that it has come to this and that i can't even get through to him.

i've called a friend of his -more like a father figure- and told him the whole situation. he said he would talk to him, but he hasn't done anything and hasn't called me back. he's the only one that i know might be able to help him.

the only other thing i could think to do to help him is to tell his best friend and maybe try to get his parents support (not likely because they are the biggest enablers). i don't want to do this without talking to the other guy i have confided in, but he doesn't call me back. my counselor suggested that maybe i have him talk to the others and get everybody together.

anyway, i'm just at the end of my rope. the holidays are getting to me. i'm sad and lonely and depressed. anxiety is starting to get to me.

i'm not one to give up or give in. i've got a fighting spirit.

but, please tell me that this bad time will all be over soon and i will be happy again.

I know a lot of people mean well, "call if you need to, don't pick up, if you need to vent, I'm here.............." and I managed to maneuver and keep away from all of the drinking situations and as well the people who seem to just want to be up in my inventory.

Why do people feel the need to go out of their way to just be miserable towards me? It's the holidays, give me a present and just be nice. If you want me to fail at this don't be so obvious about it. If you don't trust me with my kids which has never been an issue, go get a court order against me but leave me alone!!!!!!

And then there's the one person who just seems to want to "pop" in, never does but I believe it's because they want to find me on my couch inebriated, down and out so they can have something to talk about.

If anything, for New Years, my resolution will be to keep standing up for myself, keep going, persevering, keep my eye on the prize and know that this time next year it's going to be much better.

Heh, you know what one of my friends told me about the men I pick? We both laughed because it's true but just funny, "men are like noses, they're all good but I keep picking boogers." LOL!!!! Oh what a knee slapper!!!!


Is it over yet? :Xmasbah

In the thread I started about verbally abusivive AH's, I realized in one of my responses that I said I wasn't responsible for him.

Hmmmm, I don't think I should have to be responsible for a grown adult of any age.

I used to be responsible for his clothes, his lunches, his soap, making sure he got out of bed on time(regardless of whether I was actually home or not).

I would be responsible for planning the birthday parties, Christmas's, Easter's, and any get together while he was busy drinking.

I was responsble for making sure he got home, got to work, got out of bed, got to the toilet(yeah, nasty).

I was responsible for dinner on the table, dogs being fed, kids going to the doctor, son going to the specialist, surgery appointments.

I was responsible for making sure myself got to work and taking care of me as well in there somewhere.

HE was responsible for going to work. While that is an important task there's so much more. I was told that he worked tons of overtime and was always tired, but there was always time for his fishing, hunting, going out.

It's no wonder he has always stuck to me. No wonder he never minded me coming back after I'd leave.

Now I no longer get him up, do his lunches or iron his clothes. Yes I do the laundry because he's only capable of washing them and piling them up on the couch.

It's also no wonder why we're having issues again now. He's being forced to take SOME responsibility, in addition to his drinking.

He told me a couple of weeks ago that he was doing things that I was supposed to be doing! blah, blah, blah

I think that might be some quacking?

At some point and time I set a boundary that I felt confident was the right thing to do.

On a Tuesday I had suspicion that the boundary was broken.

By Wednesday I was sure that it was. On the way to work I prayed and I gave up....I felt a need to turn my life over to my HP....I knew I could no longer handle things the way I had been. I needed help -- a hard thing to admit for someone as stubborn as I am.

By Thursday I was angry at myself for failing to follow through with my promise to myself.

On Friday I had the phone thrown at me because I wouldn't drive him to get more pills. He missed. Having already experienced the insanity of an abusive relationship, I knew right then and there that something had to change. As I drove towards the freeway I had the choice to turn left or right --left meant waiting until he passed out and I could go home and right meaning I had to ask for help and spend the night on a couch -- I turned right.


My mom hugged me let me cry on her shoulder and sleep on her couch. Later, my dad did not lecture like I was afraid he would. Instead, he offered understanding and a place to stay as long as I need it. I even admitted some things to coworkers. They took me out dancing.

This all happened in November. AH is back in the house and I know I need to remain strong. Rehab and meetings are good for him, but for me, I need more.

Things are harder this year than ever before; the future is uncertain. I am pretty much broke, behind on everything, and without xmas tree and presents.

Yet.........I feel good. I feel that I am on my way towards a better future -- whatever that may mean. I don't know where I am going....but I know that I am on my way.

What can I say, I've always been a slow learner.

So, tonight, I am thankful for friends on SR (and alanon) who have helped by listening, sharing ES&H, and providing support.

Merry Christmas............Love, Rica

:Xmasmca

ABF hasn't had a drop to drink in the 2 weeks he has been back, until today. My dad (alcoholic) and his 2 drunk friends stopped by to plow the driveway tonight. Of course, all of them are drinking, and Chris asked them to bring one in for him, promising he would only drink one. Of course, that never happens. Now he is on his second. I know that I can't control it....but they are all sitting on my couch right now, talking, drinking, and being loud.

It takes me back to childhood, I f-u-c-k-i-n-g hate listening to a bunch of drunks, makes my blood boil......

The key to how this night ends is on how I handle things after they leave. I want to flip out, but it won't do any good. Any advice on what to say? I don't have boundaries yet....all day long Chris has been wanting romance and I promised "later", b/c I was busy doing stuff. I can't give it to him now....I just hope I can stay calm, Ryan has a friend over.