Drug Rehab Options Blog

I was at peace with seperating from Ah (I posted a while ago about me making plans to leave). Before I could do things how I wanted, Ah had a really bad night and I had to leave abruptly with the kids (I stayed at my mom's until yesterday). This was about 2 weeks ago.

After much pleading from AH that he needs his family and the promise that he had started his recovery (going to counceling)and has been sober, last night I came back home.
I could tell instantly that he was not sober. So I imedately started looking for places to live (once again).
He realized he messed up and called his mother and she picked him up and took him to her house for the night.

I continued to make plans to leave (since he said he needed the house). This morning he comes home and is regretful and wanting to start more intensive treatment. I couldn't get him to go to inpatient, but he agreed to out patient at the addiction center where he has counseling. He left this afternoon and said he will stay away until we have our maritial counseling appt. on Wed.
We came to this agreement after much MUCH discussion and me almost loosing my mind! The man wants us to live together still while he recovers.... I just don't know if I can do it! He said he needs his family for stability and that having stability is a big part of his recovery..... I kept trying to explain that we should not be together right now.....<pulling hair out>

I was glad that he came around and will stay at his folks until our appt. where hopefully we can work something out.

I hate that it puts me in Limbo! will he find somewhere to stay so that the kids and I can stay here...or do I need to keep looking for a place...ahhhh

What I did realize through our discussion today is that i can NO LONGER procrastinate about getting a SPONSOR! I must do this at my next meeting. I was going to ask someone at my last meeting, but then I wasn't sure who to ask. One week I think I know and the next week it changes...ahhh....I don't care any more...lol if they have a pulse and they are at the meeting they will be asked to be my sponsor....lol

Hi I am new and relapsed after approx 20 yrs of recovery.

I was bulimarexic before I got married. When I became pregnant and then married, I stopped cold turkey and never looked back. I guess I felt loved and a sense of responsibility to my baby and husband and self.

I got divorced - then a few relationships later, the last one to a demeaning addict, I ended up bulimic again.

This relationship ruined me on so many levels. I got counseling and went to Naranon but it hasnt stopped this rollercoaster of feeling like an unloveable failure.

The addict contacted one of my ex bfs who was abusive to me and decided it would be fun to terrorize me via emails and practical jokes. Part of the reason I ended the relationship is the immaturity of both of them.

I feel really bad about myself and feel hungry a lot. But even when i am not hungry i am angry at what a failure I am. i dont want to date or go out with friends anymore. After my marriage ended things got worse for me. I suffer from depression and anxiety but was doing well until I dated the addict. I started to get sick along with his illness. I had to get out of it.

I find myself angry so much now. I feel like a loser and useless and unloved. I wish I never got divorced seeing the kind of dating scene out there now. I dont even feel like trying anymore.

Counseling really didnt help - I tried but the two exes wouldnt stop harassing me and I felt more and more useless and hated. How could two adult men find joy in this? It worked. I wish they would leave me alone.

Please help me. I am so afraid.

i want to thank you all for helping me get through some really tough stuff. i'm sure there will be much more to come.

i was literally hanging by a thread new years eve. my emotions and moods are all over the place. i know this and have to accept it and ride it out most of the time. thanks ago for reminding me that it doesn't have anything to do with progress.

new years day, it was like my body said enough. i sat around watching good movies in my jammies (excpet going to dinner at my parents) and gave myself the permission to do nothing.

it was then that i made a decision that this is a new year. i decided to just wipe the slate clean from last year. keep the good and get rid of the bad. it's a new year and a brand new start.

i'm determined and i also know without a doubt, without any uncertaintly at all, that i WILL NOT be in the same position at the end of next year. no matter what this is the year that things will change one way or another. i will be in a much better place at the end of next year and this is giving me hope and a better spirit.

AH hasn't drank again in two days and did spend new years eve with me. he says that he talked to a pastor at his church he is going to about counseling. i told him if he is serious i will go with him, but he has to do the work. in the meantime i am holding to my boundaries.

i honestly don't know how i feel about the counseling, because i really don't if the damage is repairable. i don't have the same feelings for him anymore. i love him, but am no loving "in love" with him -kwim? it hurst to acknowledge this, but it is true. he can't seem to understand how much damage is done and the effort and time it will take to repair it, if it is repairable.

anyway, WISHING ALL OF YOU THE VERY BEST IN 2009!!!!

Well, I have been posting here for almost 2 weeks now and have had so many tell me to check out alanon. So, last night I did. What a wonderful group of people. Lots of love and support in this group I wanted to cry just for the warm open armed welcome I received. Not a single person looked down on me and of course these people have been together for a while acted as if I belonged there with them. Thank you for pointing me in their direction!!!
Of course when I got home it was h***! I shouldn't be out airing our dirty laundry. I explained ( or tried to) that I didn't even talk last night. I went and listened. They talked about the gray area which I don't have yet. All is still black and white to me. Hoping to find gray soon. I didn't want to tell him that was where I was going but he accused me of going out on a date. (I wish) but this group was wonderful and I hope to return and maybe find a second one or third to go to. I pretty much found out that he is not willing to give anything up for me and he said even if he did it wouldn't be worth it to him. So, here I go back on my roller coaster and my merry go round. I just wish I had the nerve today to get off these rides. I don't enjoy them anymore.
Sue:nyu




I also wanted to add that my AH said that going to counseling and alanon are only for me and I am the only person that matters to me. I wish he would see that if I am not healed, I am not strong for any of the people in my life. I want to be the old me that was happy and loved everyone around me. I am so selfish in his eyes.

And I'm scared! Mostly because what got me into counseling was a mandatory request by my employer. I HOPE that I can make the impression that I want this so bad too, I'm not another 'mandatory counseling' person. I want to do the work, I want this for me. I'm trusting in his experience, which is lengthy, and compassion as a psychologist that he knows sometimes we just need an extra push to get moving in the right and desired direction.

I'll check back after.. it's only 10:30 here, and my appt is at 2:30.

Eep!:e052:

I'm also hoping that my experience AS a counselor doesn't make me blab all my clinical mumbo jumbo about self diagnosis junk, and that I can just drop that hat and be ME, the chick who needs his help.

Hoping for a little of this today.

I am one of seven siblings. Of those seven:
--Two have died from their addictions
--One is mentally ill
--One is in early recovery
--One is not in recovery yet
--One is reasonably normal, though he still lives with his mom at 40
...and me.

Of the two that died, one had a daughter who is now in her thirties. She is bright, beautiful, funny. And she hates holidays with everything she's got. She now has a good husband (after being involved with several addicts herself), a couple of wonderful children, and another on the way. She's a wonderful, engaging mom and a supportive friend. But when holidays roll around, she goes into a depressive state that lasts for days, sometimes weeks. Her suffering is deep, deep.

Her mom committed suicide more than twenty years ago. But in the years before that, some terrible things happened in their household, typical of the stuff you see on F&F of Substance Abusers.

She misses her mom. She hates her mom. She worships her mom, who was the best mom ever. She loves her mom. She does not grieve or deal with her feelings; she just goes in circles, round and round. She refuses to seek counseling or any sort of support group.

I can't control her choices. I can only tell her what has worked for me. I can tell her what I know & don't know. I can make strong suggestions that she neither demonize nor canonize my sister, but simply see her as a very flawed individual who happened to love us very much. I can whip out all of my recovery tools and go through them one by one with her.

But my niece will not pick those tools up with her own hands. She listens, she says she feels better. And the next time around, she is just as sick and sad as before.

I know I can't force her to get help.
I know I can't heal her wounds.
I know I'm powerless to stop this from happening.

But sometimes I just want to sit in my chair, wrap my arms around my chest, and cry for her.

No one should have to suffer like that. No one.

Thanks for listening to this rant. I'm just trying to get balanced again by talking it out...with people who "get it."

well she told me she broke down to her mom about her problem, she said the reason she is changing is because her mom hugged her and they never hugged before.

well she told me she has a drinking problem, she would never tell me this sober, and also she doesnt want to smoke canabis anymore. she said her dad is going to get her counseling for cigarette smoking.

I told her about the detox she will go through and she said "thats why they prescribe librium". thats my smart girl. she also said shes going to go to the doctor to see if everything is alright.

she told me she doesnt like coming home every night drunk to her parents. I told her that her parents didnt like seeing her coming home drunk every night and she asked do I think it was every night and I told her yes because everytime we hung out she would be wasted. I told her that It got to the point that I could tell if she drank before we hung out or smoked.

and she said she has to change.

she said she wants to hang out with me more. 1 on 1. instead of hanging out at the bar drinking,just get a table and eat without drinks.

well its a giant leap. I guess she realized she couldnt do it anymore, while I'm happy and still cautious.

Well I got myself in a wee bit of trouble. I had been sober.. for a long time (for me), and got stupid, and drank. Drank enough to smell like it the next day. One meeting with my boss later, I was being driven home by a trustworthy coworker. ouch. Never so horrified in my life. Now on a mandatory (thank GOD) counseling/treatment program, my employer is so amazing, they just want me to be better, and they love me. Thank goodness. So I am gonna need you guys.. I dropped off this site, AA, stopped pursuing counseling on my own, and here I am.. rock bottom 2.0.

Here's to us :) Missed ya'll!

OK, today I am divorced.

I did make a mistake, dated before the divorce was final. Did meet another Al-anon and found out the hard way it's not good to date another al-anon that is not going to counseling or al-anon.

Anyway we broke up last Friday. She wrote today and wanted to date again. I told her if she went to counseling or Al-anon I would reconsider this. She said no so I will not date her again.

Looks like it doesn't get any easier, I will just have to take it one day at a time.

Also I am going up to Portland, OR for the Holidays (More alkys to deal with).

I guess this is a step in the right direction, I realized the toxic relationship and bolted.

I don't even know where to start. My AH hasn't had a drink in a week.....not a long time, I know. He's done this before, but in the past he was angry and defensive. Something this time is different. We have had some nice conversations and there isn't the usual "strings attached" with me owing him favors for being nice. He's not attending AA, no counseling, nothing. It's as if there never was an issue. I feel like I'm in the twilight zone.

So, what does this mean for me? That's what I'm trying to figure out. I feel very off balance. I look at him and remember the man I married, the one I loved. I have felt nothing but anger and bitterness and distance from him for months. I want to be vulnerable and believe that this could be the beginning of something better. Sadly, when he is drinking I know what to expect. I know how to shut myself down and not respond. I should have walked away when it was ugly, because it seems so absurd now.

Not sure what my point is, but thought maybe there is someone out there who is feeling, or has felt the same way.....sad and confused.