Archive for the ‘Counselling’ tag
I think I am now getting into my recovery
Hello all
I didn't know what to write in my post title. To be honest the last few months have left me feeling so unsure about everything I get scared to say I know how I feel in case I wake up and hit bottom again but something tells me that this time the feeling may be starting to become more permanent than fleeting.
It's been 4 months now since I left my partner, 2 months since I left our town and nearly a year since it all started to go wrong. He had been in rehab twice for heroin addiction in the past and as far as I know right now he is not doing that but is drinking and using drugs, mainly cocaine.
I finally went to a meeting after trying to do this on my own and via here and it really helped, just like you all said it would. I broke down at work one day too not so long ago and without having to divulge the details to my boss managed through my employer to get a bunch of counselling. I have been twice so far. Since starting to go to see this professional subtle changes have been taking place. After the first meeting I came out feeling worse than ever. So much so that I was almost scared to go the second time but I made myself and I am glad I did. I'm going to see her again on Monday.
I felt so much responsibility for his choice and so much guilt for how I handled him. I don't know exactly how I feel now as I don't want to tempt fate but I know I am thinking of him less, or at least I am not panic-stricken or full of guilt when I do. I am starting to feel lucky that I managed to escape his illness. I don't think I would ever have become an addict but I really think if I had stayed I would have continued to take drugs to fit in and lost all perspective and stuff in my own life. Even if I had managed to not take drugs I would have ended up hating our relationship/life/social circle etc.
I remember last time I went to the counsellor and I said I had felt guilty because surely if I loved him I would have stuck around until he stopped playing with coke, that after all he was not on heroin. She said the drug of choice was not the problem but the use and she asked me did I not think that Coke was a pretty nasty addiction too. Sounds really trivial but it kind of triggered something inside of me. All these months he has been fooling everyone around that he is not in relapse because it is not heroin and we all, myself included, swallowed it. I don't even know if everyone around him has swallowed it or if they (his family for example) are wiser and more able to detach.
Well today you know what? I slept through my alarm call. Do you know how happy that made me? For months my head has literally hurt and felt like it was stuck on this cycle of nothing but him and yet this morning I was so relaxed that I managed to not even hear my alarm. I hope these days are going to become more frequent.
I thought I could leave my partner easily when it started to go wrong because in some way I believed that leaving would bring him to his senses. God, that sounds egotistical but I did. Instead it made him embrace his addiction more, which although left me feeling broken initially has now made me realize the full power drugs have over someone in active addiction . For this reason I am glad in a way that i walked away when I did or I fear I never would have. I hold no anger or resent anymore. Occasionally I get little pangs that make me want to say, ' how could you do this to us, our hopes and dreams of our future, my heart" but I know now to sit with it and it soon passes.
This whole last week my mind has had much peace and I have felt ok. Tonight I am going to sleep really soundly and I am actually looking forward to sleeping alone.
I just wanted to share this today.
Lots of love
xxx
I didn't know what to write in my post title. To be honest the last few months have left me feeling so unsure about everything I get scared to say I know how I feel in case I wake up and hit bottom again but something tells me that this time the feeling may be starting to become more permanent than fleeting.
It's been 4 months now since I left my partner, 2 months since I left our town and nearly a year since it all started to go wrong. He had been in rehab twice for heroin addiction in the past and as far as I know right now he is not doing that but is drinking and using drugs, mainly cocaine.
I finally went to a meeting after trying to do this on my own and via here and it really helped, just like you all said it would. I broke down at work one day too not so long ago and without having to divulge the details to my boss managed through my employer to get a bunch of counselling. I have been twice so far. Since starting to go to see this professional subtle changes have been taking place. After the first meeting I came out feeling worse than ever. So much so that I was almost scared to go the second time but I made myself and I am glad I did. I'm going to see her again on Monday.
I felt so much responsibility for his choice and so much guilt for how I handled him. I don't know exactly how I feel now as I don't want to tempt fate but I know I am thinking of him less, or at least I am not panic-stricken or full of guilt when I do. I am starting to feel lucky that I managed to escape his illness. I don't think I would ever have become an addict but I really think if I had stayed I would have continued to take drugs to fit in and lost all perspective and stuff in my own life. Even if I had managed to not take drugs I would have ended up hating our relationship/life/social circle etc.
I remember last time I went to the counsellor and I said I had felt guilty because surely if I loved him I would have stuck around until he stopped playing with coke, that after all he was not on heroin. She said the drug of choice was not the problem but the use and she asked me did I not think that Coke was a pretty nasty addiction too. Sounds really trivial but it kind of triggered something inside of me. All these months he has been fooling everyone around that he is not in relapse because it is not heroin and we all, myself included, swallowed it. I don't even know if everyone around him has swallowed it or if they (his family for example) are wiser and more able to detach.
Well today you know what? I slept through my alarm call. Do you know how happy that made me? For months my head has literally hurt and felt like it was stuck on this cycle of nothing but him and yet this morning I was so relaxed that I managed to not even hear my alarm. I hope these days are going to become more frequent.
I thought I could leave my partner easily when it started to go wrong because in some way I believed that leaving would bring him to his senses. God, that sounds egotistical but I did. Instead it made him embrace his addiction more, which although left me feeling broken initially has now made me realize the full power drugs have over someone in active addiction . For this reason I am glad in a way that i walked away when I did or I fear I never would have. I hold no anger or resent anymore. Occasionally I get little pangs that make me want to say, ' how could you do this to us, our hopes and dreams of our future, my heart" but I know now to sit with it and it soon passes.
This whole last week my mind has had much peace and I have felt ok. Tonight I am going to sleep really soundly and I am actually looking forward to sleeping alone.
I just wanted to share this today.
Lots of love
xxx
alcohol, depression, counselling and medication
Hi
I wanted to strart this post as I have been drinking all my adult life (now 37). I went to AA, counselling, and tried to deal with alcoholism myself too unsuccessfully. I was always depressed about what i thought was the drinking.
2 months ago i decided it might be time to start thinking about how to end my life as it really was not living anymore and i could not get any better. At this point i decided i would have one more shot at it and went to a counseller.
I've been going for 2 times a week ever since and have been sober with no real hard cravings like when i tried to give up myself. I think in some way it has helped me to be told that i have been self medicating using alcohol to either in some part deal with the anxiety/depression/social anxiety and to some extent the issues i have with myself, which i am addressing now and will continue to do so at counselling.
I was prescribed anti-depressants (seroxat or paxil as it is known in the states), anatabuse and an anti anxiety pill for the weeks coming off booze.
I want to start this thread as i wanted to get some feedback on the above and also wanted to discuss users questions about my road to recovery which has, and i know will be now, successful. Fears on medication etc.
I would never have really considered what i have done to get to being able to sit here happy and posting in a sane frame of mind, post away please:-)
I wanted to strart this post as I have been drinking all my adult life (now 37). I went to AA, counselling, and tried to deal with alcoholism myself too unsuccessfully. I was always depressed about what i thought was the drinking.
2 months ago i decided it might be time to start thinking about how to end my life as it really was not living anymore and i could not get any better. At this point i decided i would have one more shot at it and went to a counseller.
I've been going for 2 times a week ever since and have been sober with no real hard cravings like when i tried to give up myself. I think in some way it has helped me to be told that i have been self medicating using alcohol to either in some part deal with the anxiety/depression/social anxiety and to some extent the issues i have with myself, which i am addressing now and will continue to do so at counselling.
I was prescribed anti-depressants (seroxat or paxil as it is known in the states), anatabuse and an anti anxiety pill for the weeks coming off booze.
I want to start this thread as i wanted to get some feedback on the above and also wanted to discuss users questions about my road to recovery which has, and i know will be now, successful. Fears on medication etc.
I would never have really considered what i have done to get to being able to sit here happy and posting in a sane frame of mind, post away please:-)
Treatment centres - what was yours like?
I would love to know what the treatment centre was like that YOU went to.
How many residents did it have? How was it structured? What were the staff like? Rooms/House in general? What were the other residents like?
I've been looking at photos of some of the treatment centres over there in America and am gobsmacked as to how different they are to the ones we have here.
The one I went to was this huge old house that had about 8/12 rooms of which some served as bedrooms others as offices. Our dining/kitchen room was a seperate dwelling and all of this was set on a farm like place and we were never alloweed to leave the grounds alone. Is about a 3 hour drive to where I live now in a farming type community.
The residents were mostly men and in the time I was there the ratio was like 8 guys to 1 female. A lot of them were court referals also. Jail or treatment type of thing. For a few of them it was also their 8th treatment etc...
We all contributed to the running of the place and the only staff they had were counsellors and supervisors. Some of the supervisors were volunteers too. Most of these people were also in recovery (AA or NA).
This place was a long term centre min 3 months - max 3 years and your term was dependent on your background. My term was meant to be 3 months but I got the boot @ 1 month.
Our days consisted of group therapy, chores (to keep the house running), sport, individual counselling and at nights AA, NA, ACOA, relapse prevention meetings. And of course chatting and playing cards with the other residents.
In the mornings, after breakfast we got to sing the serenity prayer and this song which I can probably still repeat from memory called 'The Creed' and one of the lines is, 'we are here because there is no refuge finally from ourselves'.
The 'program' was structured in phases. Phase 1,2,3,4 and depending on what kind of personal work you were doing on yourself, depended on what phase you were in and it also reflected how long you'd been there too. For example for the first few weeks you would be in phase 1 and just going over your history in therapy and with your counsellor. But say after 2 months you maybe discussing your sexual abuse issues (if you had them) so would be in phase 3. Phase 4 residents had been their the longest and usually had more freedom like being allowed to go to the movies, leave the grounds for short periods of time on their own etc...
Some of the funding came via our welfare payments (we call them benefit payments here) which were a large portion of our weekly amount was paid straight to the centre and we got small amount of money paid into our accounts. About $40 from memory. Enough to buy ciggerattes, lollies and stamps anyway.
This treatment centre was run by our biggest porivder of alcohol and drug addiction services and eventually they closed all their treatment centres, a few years back, due to not enough funding etc... The government is into an outpatient approach these days.
There's always that funny thing I mention about throwing a chair in an AA meeting as that happened one night while I was in treatment. One resident made what another decided was a racial slur so he got up, swore his head off, threw a chair and walked out. It was the most exciting AA meeting I'd ever been too. Lol.
So what was it like where you went?
:ghug2
How many residents did it have? How was it structured? What were the staff like? Rooms/House in general? What were the other residents like?
I've been looking at photos of some of the treatment centres over there in America and am gobsmacked as to how different they are to the ones we have here.
The one I went to was this huge old house that had about 8/12 rooms of which some served as bedrooms others as offices. Our dining/kitchen room was a seperate dwelling and all of this was set on a farm like place and we were never alloweed to leave the grounds alone. Is about a 3 hour drive to where I live now in a farming type community.
The residents were mostly men and in the time I was there the ratio was like 8 guys to 1 female. A lot of them were court referals also. Jail or treatment type of thing. For a few of them it was also their 8th treatment etc...
We all contributed to the running of the place and the only staff they had were counsellors and supervisors. Some of the supervisors were volunteers too. Most of these people were also in recovery (AA or NA).
This place was a long term centre min 3 months - max 3 years and your term was dependent on your background. My term was meant to be 3 months but I got the boot @ 1 month.
Our days consisted of group therapy, chores (to keep the house running), sport, individual counselling and at nights AA, NA, ACOA, relapse prevention meetings. And of course chatting and playing cards with the other residents.
In the mornings, after breakfast we got to sing the serenity prayer and this song which I can probably still repeat from memory called 'The Creed' and one of the lines is, 'we are here because there is no refuge finally from ourselves'.
The 'program' was structured in phases. Phase 1,2,3,4 and depending on what kind of personal work you were doing on yourself, depended on what phase you were in and it also reflected how long you'd been there too. For example for the first few weeks you would be in phase 1 and just going over your history in therapy and with your counsellor. But say after 2 months you maybe discussing your sexual abuse issues (if you had them) so would be in phase 3. Phase 4 residents had been their the longest and usually had more freedom like being allowed to go to the movies, leave the grounds for short periods of time on their own etc...
Some of the funding came via our welfare payments (we call them benefit payments here) which were a large portion of our weekly amount was paid straight to the centre and we got small amount of money paid into our accounts. About $40 from memory. Enough to buy ciggerattes, lollies and stamps anyway.
This treatment centre was run by our biggest porivder of alcohol and drug addiction services and eventually they closed all their treatment centres, a few years back, due to not enough funding etc... The government is into an outpatient approach these days.
There's always that funny thing I mention about throwing a chair in an AA meeting as that happened one night while I was in treatment. One resident made what another decided was a racial slur so he got up, swore his head off, threw a chair and walked out. It was the most exciting AA meeting I'd ever been too. Lol.
So what was it like where you went?
:ghug2
When does it end?
You know at the moment it is my time of the month so I know I am not really that rational.
However why is it..................
That I cannot go to the supermarket without looking at the booze isle?
Idle my days away, when I should be working thinking about drinking or not drinking?
When does it go?
What can I do to make it go away?
I am so miserable. All I do is think about booze, if I should drink, if I should not. I feel lethargic and lazy. I am fed uo with myself, I feel so fat and out of shape. All I ssem to do is sit her in the kitchen pontificating if I should drink or not.
What annoys me the most. I have spend over £6000.00 on private counselling for my problem. I have gone to AA. I do 'get it' but when evening comes I am weak.
I have no quality of life, all I do is sit around thinking about drink and how I should change my life.
I have a good job, a loving boyfriend, a fantastic family but no, it's all about me.
Sorry to rant, but ladies what do you do when all you want to do is scream and drink to obilivion? I fell tonight I could literally ounch through walls.
B
x
However why is it..................
That I cannot go to the supermarket without looking at the booze isle?
Idle my days away, when I should be working thinking about drinking or not drinking?
When does it go?
What can I do to make it go away?
I am so miserable. All I do is think about booze, if I should drink, if I should not. I feel lethargic and lazy. I am fed uo with myself, I feel so fat and out of shape. All I ssem to do is sit her in the kitchen pontificating if I should drink or not.
What annoys me the most. I have spend over £6000.00 on private counselling for my problem. I have gone to AA. I do 'get it' but when evening comes I am weak.
I have no quality of life, all I do is sit around thinking about drink and how I should change my life.
I have a good job, a loving boyfriend, a fantastic family but no, it's all about me.
Sorry to rant, but ladies what do you do when all you want to do is scream and drink to obilivion? I fell tonight I could literally ounch through walls.
B
x
how can i do this
well what can i say i had at 12 yesterday and none till today i felt like **** i still do leg cramps feeling really panicky parnoid shaking of my hands is really horrible i cant stop them got docs on thursday get some help for this but i no i need counselling for past and present something makes me want to use i am always keeping things in but why i block when i just want to tell ino because i cant why cause ppl dont want to listen has anybody got advice please
Delerium Tremens versus Hallucinations
Hello,
As some may or may not remember, I lost a loved one to alcoholism last year. With the help of friends, SR, some counselling and informing myself in greater detail on this addiction, I have come a long way in letting go of the substantial guilt I felt with the 'what could and should I have done to prevent this' aspect. It will rear it's head now and then but it's definitely not as overwhelming as it once was. The grief of course is another thing altogether but I think I am learning to move forward.
While I cannot change my friend's fate, I think maybe my knowledge can assist others in the future and I have remained curious about the last times I saw him prior to his death. He had just come off a binge of about one week of several bottles of vodka. About the second day in, he had called to say there was an emergency on the day of a mutual friend's birthday. He was walking around in an excited state and was 'showing me" a ghost or alien that was sleeping in his bed and was the 'surprise' for our friend.
The next day we spoke on the phone and he seemed fine but by the day after he seemed less coherent (and I thought he had been drinking but now I'm not so sure) and when I asked about the hallucinations to which he queried why I didn't believe him (that they were real i.e. not hallucinations) which disturbed me because usually after his withdrawals he recognizes that they were hallucinations. About two days after he came over seeming fine physically but very depressed at the end of which he told me 'I'm no good for you' and left. I spoke to him again the day before he died and he seemed to be coming out of a second binge. I was told that the next day he called to persons with short term lapses in memory and that he had left his apartment and came back. For those that do not know he died from the fumes of his cigarette which stay lit with him passed out or maybe in a coma on the bed.
I know I'll never know for sure what he was going through and obviously will wonder if I had realized the seriousness of what was happening and taken him to the hospital if things woudl've taken a different turn; but I wanted to know if anyone on this forum had any similar type of experiences following their withdrawals and how does going through the DTs differ from going through 'regular' withdrawal hallucinations.
I have to tell you though, no matter how much I read, the drive of the addiction still seems so mysterious i.e. is the person's own issues that drive the next drink, the 'demon' inside their head, the alcohol that has taken over their brain, is there really a choice, are all alcoholics really in some internal pain or turmoil or is it just the physiological addiction or stubborness?. I read exercepts from 'Under the Influence' which just makes me wonder more. It's all so confusing and horrible.
Anyway, thanks for reading and look forward to your responses.
Q
As some may or may not remember, I lost a loved one to alcoholism last year. With the help of friends, SR, some counselling and informing myself in greater detail on this addiction, I have come a long way in letting go of the substantial guilt I felt with the 'what could and should I have done to prevent this' aspect. It will rear it's head now and then but it's definitely not as overwhelming as it once was. The grief of course is another thing altogether but I think I am learning to move forward.
While I cannot change my friend's fate, I think maybe my knowledge can assist others in the future and I have remained curious about the last times I saw him prior to his death. He had just come off a binge of about one week of several bottles of vodka. About the second day in, he had called to say there was an emergency on the day of a mutual friend's birthday. He was walking around in an excited state and was 'showing me" a ghost or alien that was sleeping in his bed and was the 'surprise' for our friend.
The next day we spoke on the phone and he seemed fine but by the day after he seemed less coherent (and I thought he had been drinking but now I'm not so sure) and when I asked about the hallucinations to which he queried why I didn't believe him (that they were real i.e. not hallucinations) which disturbed me because usually after his withdrawals he recognizes that they were hallucinations. About two days after he came over seeming fine physically but very depressed at the end of which he told me 'I'm no good for you' and left. I spoke to him again the day before he died and he seemed to be coming out of a second binge. I was told that the next day he called to persons with short term lapses in memory and that he had left his apartment and came back. For those that do not know he died from the fumes of his cigarette which stay lit with him passed out or maybe in a coma on the bed.
I know I'll never know for sure what he was going through and obviously will wonder if I had realized the seriousness of what was happening and taken him to the hospital if things woudl've taken a different turn; but I wanted to know if anyone on this forum had any similar type of experiences following their withdrawals and how does going through the DTs differ from going through 'regular' withdrawal hallucinations.
I have to tell you though, no matter how much I read, the drive of the addiction still seems so mysterious i.e. is the person's own issues that drive the next drink, the 'demon' inside their head, the alcohol that has taken over their brain, is there really a choice, are all alcoholics really in some internal pain or turmoil or is it just the physiological addiction or stubborness?. I read exercepts from 'Under the Influence' which just makes me wonder more. It's all so confusing and horrible.
Anyway, thanks for reading and look forward to your responses.
Q
day 1
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
well day one no more i hope its not worth it i feel parnoid hearing things.thought my wee one was crying and i in a state stupid things i can do it if not for me defo for the kids .my long road with codeine and herion and all the rest was bad enough i have always been put down ur stupid linda u cant do this cause ur a total f*** up my own fault for beliving they were all right i have lost so many loved ones and my way was to get high but u always come down at one point and the hurt and anger is still there ive seen docs but they say here anti dpressents see u in a couple of weeks yea ur a great help idoit or "i think u need mental treatment "haha or counselling for my past i get a counsellor and she more crackers than i am i end up feeling sorry for them yea i been through hell and back mother was heavy drinker i got sexualluy and phyisical abuse went to 22 junior schools 3 high school 2 school for lets just say bad kids trouble with police preagnant by 16 my close family have died just recently got attacked cause of stupid rumours but thats just a part of my life i have to learn to cope with sozz i woke up in a moaning mood
well day one no more i hope its not worth it i feel parnoid hearing things.thought my wee one was crying and i in a state stupid things i can do it if not for me defo for the kids .my long road with codeine and herion and all the rest was bad enough i have always been put down ur stupid linda u cant do this cause ur a total f*** up my own fault for beliving they were all right i have lost so many loved ones and my way was to get high but u always come down at one point and the hurt and anger is still there ive seen docs but they say here anti dpressents see u in a couple of weeks yea ur a great help idoit or "i think u need mental treatment "haha or counselling for my past i get a counsellor and she more crackers than i am i end up feeling sorry for them yea i been through hell and back mother was heavy drinker i got sexualluy and phyisical abuse went to 22 junior schools 3 high school 2 school for lets just say bad kids trouble with police preagnant by 16 my close family have died just recently got attacked cause of stupid rumours but thats just a part of my life i have to learn to cope with sozz i woke up in a moaning mood
hi again
well day one no more i hope its not worth it i feel parnoid hearing things.thought my wee one was crying and i in a state stupid things i can do it if not for me defo for the kids .my long road with codeine and herion and all the rest was bad enough i have always been put down ur stupid linda u cant do this cause ur a total f*** up my own fault for beliving they were all right i have lost so many loved ones and my way was to get high but u always come down at one point and the hurt and anger is still there ive seen docs but they say here anti dpressents see u in a couple of weeks yea ur a great help idoit or "i think u need mental treatment "haha or counselling for my past i get a counsellor and she more crackers than i am i end up feeling sorry for them yea i been through hell and back mother was heavy drinker i got sexualluy and phyisical abuse went to 22 junior schools 3 high school 2 school for lets just say bad kids trouble with police preagnant by 16 my close family have died just recently got attacked cause of stupid rumours but thats just a part of my life i have to cope
I keep doing the same stupid things
hello newcomer here im going write my problem or problems and see if anyone can relate.this has been going on for about 8years Im not sure i can change.i thinks its getting worse.i go out get drunk dont know when to stop and become crazy abusive to family or friends.then next three or so days i become deeply depressed.then next weekend im ok and controlled dont drink too much,then after that the next week it happens again when im out with people.it upsets me allot,i havent met anyone like me.well there was this one girl but she didnt have as much remorse as me for her actions.i feel so stupid because i do the same things over and over.my life is becoming very isolated because people dont want to know someone who they dont know when he will lose control.its like when im drunk i become hyper-sensitive.i think deep down im a good person,but why do i go and do this again and again.its not a nice feeling.i also have anxiety/depression issues,with no real support network.no girlfriend and abit of a loner.ive tryed cutting down,ive tryed making new friends,ive tryed aa but i couldnt relate,i tryed counselling.i just hate being the person i am and im desperate to change.
Beginning to doubt whether AA is right for me
Hi all, just thought i would put some of my thoughts here and wondered how others feel.
I have been attending AA since January, it really has helped. My last drink was on May 30th.
I am now at a point with AA where i am wondering whether the program will benefit me or maybe i should look for an alternative program.
I feel as though the AA program and support network, seems to want to get involved in things that go further than drinking. I realise i have to change my life and learn new strategies to deal with feelings, but it almost feels too intrusive.
I have made some friends there, which is good, but i can't help feeling that those friendships are conditional based really on whether i remain sober and want to stay free from drink. I have become distant with some friends because i do not drink, the AA calls these fair weather friends. Yet at the same time if i started drinking i'm sure i would lose the new friends i have made in AA too.
I struggle with the concepts of the steps. Step 3 is a hard one for me to get my head around, also step 9 about making amense, especially in relation to making amense to those that i feel have wronged me. My sponsor says that i am jumping the gun looking at step 9, but at the same time i wonder whether these steps are necessary for me to stay sober.
Since getting sober, my life has moved ten fold. I do not want to go back to drinking, although i would love to be like a 'normal' person and have a glass of wine with a meal, but the reality is i can't.
I am wondering though whether to go for some sort of counselling through a secular programme, to achieve and keepm my abstinence as there are things within the AA programme that i find hard to deal with and wonder whether they are necessary.
Any thoughts??
Paul
I have been attending AA since January, it really has helped. My last drink was on May 30th.
I am now at a point with AA where i am wondering whether the program will benefit me or maybe i should look for an alternative program.
I feel as though the AA program and support network, seems to want to get involved in things that go further than drinking. I realise i have to change my life and learn new strategies to deal with feelings, but it almost feels too intrusive.
I have made some friends there, which is good, but i can't help feeling that those friendships are conditional based really on whether i remain sober and want to stay free from drink. I have become distant with some friends because i do not drink, the AA calls these fair weather friends. Yet at the same time if i started drinking i'm sure i would lose the new friends i have made in AA too.
I struggle with the concepts of the steps. Step 3 is a hard one for me to get my head around, also step 9 about making amense, especially in relation to making amense to those that i feel have wronged me. My sponsor says that i am jumping the gun looking at step 9, but at the same time i wonder whether these steps are necessary for me to stay sober.
Since getting sober, my life has moved ten fold. I do not want to go back to drinking, although i would love to be like a 'normal' person and have a glass of wine with a meal, but the reality is i can't.
I am wondering though whether to go for some sort of counselling through a secular programme, to achieve and keepm my abstinence as there are things within the AA programme that i find hard to deal with and wonder whether they are necessary.
Any thoughts??
Paul
