Archive for the ‘Counsellor’ tag
I need some advice and support.
Hi my name is Jennifer and im roughly five weeks sober, ive been through early recovery before and thought I had all the bases covered but Ive come up against something new this time.
I have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression many times but I always assumed that it was just part and parcel of my drinking, I used depression on my sick notes instead of alcohol dependency (less of a stigma, lol).
The horrific anxiety has lessened significantly since I stopped drinking, but in the last couple of weeks I have become crippled with what I can only call depression.
I dont feel miserable I just dont feel anything, I have gone from being a chronic insomniac to sleeping (or just zoning out) for approxiametly 18 hours a day.
I hate leaving the house, Im not frightened I just dont want to, and even when I do I cant bring myself to talk or interact with anyone, Im fairly ok when Im on my own but life isnt like that, is it.
Im taking anti depressents, which I have been for a while, along with vitamins and Im trying to eat healthily etc.
I am seeing a counsellor and although it started off well enough, Im starting to feel its a bit pointless, or even counter productive, Im not sure how experienced she is and although she is lovely I find myself becoming frustrated with her.
I would appreciate any advice any one has to offer, should I just wait this out or is there other avenues I should be exploring.:dunno
I have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression many times but I always assumed that it was just part and parcel of my drinking, I used depression on my sick notes instead of alcohol dependency (less of a stigma, lol).
The horrific anxiety has lessened significantly since I stopped drinking, but in the last couple of weeks I have become crippled with what I can only call depression.
I dont feel miserable I just dont feel anything, I have gone from being a chronic insomniac to sleeping (or just zoning out) for approxiametly 18 hours a day.
I hate leaving the house, Im not frightened I just dont want to, and even when I do I cant bring myself to talk or interact with anyone, Im fairly ok when Im on my own but life isnt like that, is it.
Im taking anti depressents, which I have been for a while, along with vitamins and Im trying to eat healthily etc.
I am seeing a counsellor and although it started off well enough, Im starting to feel its a bit pointless, or even counter productive, Im not sure how experienced she is and although she is lovely I find myself becoming frustrated with her.
I would appreciate any advice any one has to offer, should I just wait this out or is there other avenues I should be exploring.:dunno
please help an sos from one mum to another
im really struggling with my 5year old boy, jai.
his constant chattering an non compliance an being at me all the time is really wearing me down.
i have as most v u know just returned from 11 weeks in rehab with him where his behaviour really improved yet since being home he seems determined to resort to the old whinging an whining which has resulted in me yelling an screaming again
i hate this so much and today i found myself curled up on the floor in the corner crying like a baby an howling for him to be good
i do not know how much more i can stand of his not listening to me.
we have a star/reward chart an he is not even interested anymore in getting any stars to recieve his rewards.
ive rung my counsellor about helping me find a parenting course to do after xmas is done an am waiting on a ph call back.
i have enrolleed him in child care two days a week as he is used to going to kindy an child care which usuallly takes up his whole week so i believe he may be bored.
dont get me wrong, jai is not a horror child, the rehab said he was nothing like any other child they'd ever seen come through there and commended me for doing such a wonderfull job raising a emotional in touch well mannered curteous boy whilst in active addiction.
i think its probly more about me an how raw i feel an the lack of resources now im at home
i was using the gym every second day at rehab an now cannot afford to use a gym
i had counsellors at my beck n call to work through stuff with an now do not have that
i dont want to use an i dont want to do this alone either yet the reality is
that i am a single mum with no friends that can help an no family that gives a toss
im getting real down
can someone offer up working suggestions from their experience PLEASE
his constant chattering an non compliance an being at me all the time is really wearing me down.
i have as most v u know just returned from 11 weeks in rehab with him where his behaviour really improved yet since being home he seems determined to resort to the old whinging an whining which has resulted in me yelling an screaming again
i hate this so much and today i found myself curled up on the floor in the corner crying like a baby an howling for him to be good
i do not know how much more i can stand of his not listening to me.
we have a star/reward chart an he is not even interested anymore in getting any stars to recieve his rewards.
ive rung my counsellor about helping me find a parenting course to do after xmas is done an am waiting on a ph call back.
i have enrolleed him in child care two days a week as he is used to going to kindy an child care which usuallly takes up his whole week so i believe he may be bored.
dont get me wrong, jai is not a horror child, the rehab said he was nothing like any other child they'd ever seen come through there and commended me for doing such a wonderfull job raising a emotional in touch well mannered curteous boy whilst in active addiction.
i think its probly more about me an how raw i feel an the lack of resources now im at home
i was using the gym every second day at rehab an now cannot afford to use a gym
i had counsellors at my beck n call to work through stuff with an now do not have that
i dont want to use an i dont want to do this alone either yet the reality is
that i am a single mum with no friends that can help an no family that gives a toss
im getting real down
can someone offer up working suggestions from their experience PLEASE
Nine years later
Hi all
I am happy I found this place. I am on another forum for depression and anxiety, two things that alcohol increases! Well after nine years of drinking, binging mainly (weekends turning into weeklong sessions) and using drink to cope with anything from stress at work to whatever else life throws at me. I found myself in hospital recently. I drank so much I almost died :( Since hospital I have not drank. It has been three weeks and three days. I have stayed off it before for upto two months and I have drank controlled way also - glass of wine a day. But there is no denying I have developed a dependency. I now have an addiction counsellor and also psychiatric help. Alcohol is also a symptom of much bigger unresolved problems in me. Luckily I survived and have a chance at building a new life now. I have spent the last few weeks not missing drink, just recovering from the traumatic experience. It feels like my wake-up call and yet I want all the support too. The worst seems to be over me. But there is much therapy to do and confronting of deep scars. I will face anything now. I was suicidal two weeks ago and now I am ready to live again... at a gentle pace. I am taking refuge at my parents. Which is not ideal but necessary. Christmas time and drink is all over the media. I sometimes worry about the alcohol-less future, socially, dates, meeting new people, coping, things like that. I have made the first step anyway. So I don't want to, I don't need to and I basically can't drink. I have thought this before or questioned the idea of whether I had a problem but now the BS is over and I know it is not for me anymore. I have wasted much time hiding in the bottle, suffering terrible withdrawals over and over, as others here know it can be hell. No more for me. So I hope to find like minded people here for some extra support and hope I can also help others.
Thanks for reading
Take care of yourselves
J :ghug3
I am happy I found this place. I am on another forum for depression and anxiety, two things that alcohol increases! Well after nine years of drinking, binging mainly (weekends turning into weeklong sessions) and using drink to cope with anything from stress at work to whatever else life throws at me. I found myself in hospital recently. I drank so much I almost died :( Since hospital I have not drank. It has been three weeks and three days. I have stayed off it before for upto two months and I have drank controlled way also - glass of wine a day. But there is no denying I have developed a dependency. I now have an addiction counsellor and also psychiatric help. Alcohol is also a symptom of much bigger unresolved problems in me. Luckily I survived and have a chance at building a new life now. I have spent the last few weeks not missing drink, just recovering from the traumatic experience. It feels like my wake-up call and yet I want all the support too. The worst seems to be over me. But there is much therapy to do and confronting of deep scars. I will face anything now. I was suicidal two weeks ago and now I am ready to live again... at a gentle pace. I am taking refuge at my parents. Which is not ideal but necessary. Christmas time and drink is all over the media. I sometimes worry about the alcohol-less future, socially, dates, meeting new people, coping, things like that. I have made the first step anyway. So I don't want to, I don't need to and I basically can't drink. I have thought this before or questioned the idea of whether I had a problem but now the BS is over and I know it is not for me anymore. I have wasted much time hiding in the bottle, suffering terrible withdrawals over and over, as others here know it can be hell. No more for me. So I hope to find like minded people here for some extra support and hope I can also help others.
Thanks for reading
Take care of yourselves
J :ghug3
Is anyone else getting/giving themselves something for Christmas?
Thank god for plastic. I am going to buy myself a hand held massage type thing. It will be great when my fibro is going mad.
Don't ask how I am paying for it.
I have 100 interst free days to figure that out.
I may even wrap it up and put it under our Christmas tree.
I dunno if I have ever brought/giving myself something for Christmas. It sounds a bit like something a counsellor would suggest and a few years ago I would've mocked.
But I am probably more open minded these days.
Emotional pain is good for that.
Anyone else giving themselves something for Christmas?
Don't ask how I am paying for it.
I have 100 interst free days to figure that out.
I may even wrap it up and put it under our Christmas tree.
I dunno if I have ever brought/giving myself something for Christmas. It sounds a bit like something a counsellor would suggest and a few years ago I would've mocked.
But I am probably more open minded these days.
Emotional pain is good for that.
Anyone else giving themselves something for Christmas?
I think I am now getting into my recovery
Hello all
I didn't know what to write in my post title. To be honest the last few months have left me feeling so unsure about everything I get scared to say I know how I feel in case I wake up and hit bottom again but something tells me that this time the feeling may be starting to become more permanent than fleeting.
It's been 4 months now since I left my partner, 2 months since I left our town and nearly a year since it all started to go wrong. He had been in rehab twice for heroin addiction in the past and as far as I know right now he is not doing that but is drinking and using drugs, mainly cocaine.
I finally went to a meeting after trying to do this on my own and via here and it really helped, just like you all said it would. I broke down at work one day too not so long ago and without having to divulge the details to my boss managed through my employer to get a bunch of counselling. I have been twice so far. Since starting to go to see this professional subtle changes have been taking place. After the first meeting I came out feeling worse than ever. So much so that I was almost scared to go the second time but I made myself and I am glad I did. I'm going to see her again on Monday.
I felt so much responsibility for his choice and so much guilt for how I handled him. I don't know exactly how I feel now as I don't want to tempt fate but I know I am thinking of him less, or at least I am not panic-stricken or full of guilt when I do. I am starting to feel lucky that I managed to escape his illness. I don't think I would ever have become an addict but I really think if I had stayed I would have continued to take drugs to fit in and lost all perspective and stuff in my own life. Even if I had managed to not take drugs I would have ended up hating our relationship/life/social circle etc.
I remember last time I went to the counsellor and I said I had felt guilty because surely if I loved him I would have stuck around until he stopped playing with coke, that after all he was not on heroin. She said the drug of choice was not the problem but the use and she asked me did I not think that Coke was a pretty nasty addiction too. Sounds really trivial but it kind of triggered something inside of me. All these months he has been fooling everyone around that he is not in relapse because it is not heroin and we all, myself included, swallowed it. I don't even know if everyone around him has swallowed it or if they (his family for example) are wiser and more able to detach.
Well today you know what? I slept through my alarm call. Do you know how happy that made me? For months my head has literally hurt and felt like it was stuck on this cycle of nothing but him and yet this morning I was so relaxed that I managed to not even hear my alarm. I hope these days are going to become more frequent.
I thought I could leave my partner easily when it started to go wrong because in some way I believed that leaving would bring him to his senses. God, that sounds egotistical but I did. Instead it made him embrace his addiction more, which although left me feeling broken initially has now made me realize the full power drugs have over someone in active addiction . For this reason I am glad in a way that i walked away when I did or I fear I never would have. I hold no anger or resent anymore. Occasionally I get little pangs that make me want to say, ' how could you do this to us, our hopes and dreams of our future, my heart" but I know now to sit with it and it soon passes.
This whole last week my mind has had much peace and I have felt ok. Tonight I am going to sleep really soundly and I am actually looking forward to sleeping alone.
I just wanted to share this today.
Lots of love
xxx
I didn't know what to write in my post title. To be honest the last few months have left me feeling so unsure about everything I get scared to say I know how I feel in case I wake up and hit bottom again but something tells me that this time the feeling may be starting to become more permanent than fleeting.
It's been 4 months now since I left my partner, 2 months since I left our town and nearly a year since it all started to go wrong. He had been in rehab twice for heroin addiction in the past and as far as I know right now he is not doing that but is drinking and using drugs, mainly cocaine.
I finally went to a meeting after trying to do this on my own and via here and it really helped, just like you all said it would. I broke down at work one day too not so long ago and without having to divulge the details to my boss managed through my employer to get a bunch of counselling. I have been twice so far. Since starting to go to see this professional subtle changes have been taking place. After the first meeting I came out feeling worse than ever. So much so that I was almost scared to go the second time but I made myself and I am glad I did. I'm going to see her again on Monday.
I felt so much responsibility for his choice and so much guilt for how I handled him. I don't know exactly how I feel now as I don't want to tempt fate but I know I am thinking of him less, or at least I am not panic-stricken or full of guilt when I do. I am starting to feel lucky that I managed to escape his illness. I don't think I would ever have become an addict but I really think if I had stayed I would have continued to take drugs to fit in and lost all perspective and stuff in my own life. Even if I had managed to not take drugs I would have ended up hating our relationship/life/social circle etc.
I remember last time I went to the counsellor and I said I had felt guilty because surely if I loved him I would have stuck around until he stopped playing with coke, that after all he was not on heroin. She said the drug of choice was not the problem but the use and she asked me did I not think that Coke was a pretty nasty addiction too. Sounds really trivial but it kind of triggered something inside of me. All these months he has been fooling everyone around that he is not in relapse because it is not heroin and we all, myself included, swallowed it. I don't even know if everyone around him has swallowed it or if they (his family for example) are wiser and more able to detach.
Well today you know what? I slept through my alarm call. Do you know how happy that made me? For months my head has literally hurt and felt like it was stuck on this cycle of nothing but him and yet this morning I was so relaxed that I managed to not even hear my alarm. I hope these days are going to become more frequent.
I thought I could leave my partner easily when it started to go wrong because in some way I believed that leaving would bring him to his senses. God, that sounds egotistical but I did. Instead it made him embrace his addiction more, which although left me feeling broken initially has now made me realize the full power drugs have over someone in active addiction . For this reason I am glad in a way that i walked away when I did or I fear I never would have. I hold no anger or resent anymore. Occasionally I get little pangs that make me want to say, ' how could you do this to us, our hopes and dreams of our future, my heart" but I know now to sit with it and it soon passes.
This whole last week my mind has had much peace and I have felt ok. Tonight I am going to sleep really soundly and I am actually looking forward to sleeping alone.
I just wanted to share this today.
Lots of love
xxx
New Here - Facing The Nightmare …
Hi - I'm new here but I shouldn't be. I should have been here a long time ago, but I'm sure I've been in denial that the alcoholic I've lived with for 13 years could have destroyed my life so badly. I've been down every avenue, trying to figure out why I'm so sick, both mentally and physically. I suffer from chronic pain. I have no joy in my life. I don't sleep well. I'm miserable. I feel that I'm sicker than the alcoholic himself, yet I don't drink a drop.
I've been seeing an abuse counsellor for 2 years, but the issue isn't around the alcohol as much it is the abuse, and how my life is so financially enmeshed with the abuser, that I'm getting more and more stuck as times goes by and finding it impossible to get out of this nightmare mess that I've gotten myself into. I keep making the wrong decisons and going around in circles and I believe that I'm literally driving myself insane over this.
He believes that he can stop anytime he wants and has no idea how devastating it is to deal with the childish rages and tantrums he has when he's inebriated. When he's sober he is a take charge guy who is very talented and productive. If someone were to stay - why do you stay? - it's because of the Jekyll/Hyde affect.
It just becomes impossible to believe that the guy who says he'll stop being that way and things will be fine, suddenly keep turning into the monster bringing on the nightmare. Insanity sets in after a while, and you start not to believe you can take care of yourself any longer, when you know you always did before and that somehow you NEED this alcoholic.
My question to anyone who reads this is:
Have you, or anyone you know gotten to be as sick as this from living with an alcoholic?
Thanks for listening ...
Dazed!
I've been seeing an abuse counsellor for 2 years, but the issue isn't around the alcohol as much it is the abuse, and how my life is so financially enmeshed with the abuser, that I'm getting more and more stuck as times goes by and finding it impossible to get out of this nightmare mess that I've gotten myself into. I keep making the wrong decisons and going around in circles and I believe that I'm literally driving myself insane over this.
He believes that he can stop anytime he wants and has no idea how devastating it is to deal with the childish rages and tantrums he has when he's inebriated. When he's sober he is a take charge guy who is very talented and productive. If someone were to stay - why do you stay? - it's because of the Jekyll/Hyde affect.
It just becomes impossible to believe that the guy who says he'll stop being that way and things will be fine, suddenly keep turning into the monster bringing on the nightmare. Insanity sets in after a while, and you start not to believe you can take care of yourself any longer, when you know you always did before and that somehow you NEED this alcoholic.
My question to anyone who reads this is:
Have you, or anyone you know gotten to be as sick as this from living with an alcoholic?
Thanks for listening ...
Dazed!
Searching for freedom
Hi everyone,
I just joined and thought I'd post a message about me. To cut a long story short I'm ruining my life with binges. Like many of you I don't drink in the morning or everyday and have managed for several years to use an outdated description of alcoholism to convince myself I was normal. But I aint. I'm the "once I start wild horses will not stop me drinking to oblivion" type. I'm mainly a beer drinker and if I don't get into double figures it's been a quiet night/afternoon. Recently, I'm managing to do it less often but then when I do I seem to go more crazy. I've been aware I've had a problem for sometime but after a particularly embarassing performance on Friday night (at least the bits I remember) I need to do something.
I keep hearing that AA is the way to go but I tried it once about 2 years ago and it was horrific. There we were sat in a circle being all open with each other and I hated it. It may be great for some but not for me. However, I appreciate the power of the support concept and I wonder if a virtual community like this one might fulfil this role.
I also recently tried alcohol counselling. It was helpful but the counsellor didn't seem to think I needed to quit - rather just to moderate. Well, I've tried and failed for 15 years so I think I need to quit.
Problem is, I love it. Alcohol is one of the great loves of my life. The ultimate breathtaking roller coaster ride. Nobody else makes me feel so great, so confident, so free. OK, the vomiting bile and 3 day hangovers are not a nice way for a lover to treat me but all relationships have issues, right? Oh, and if we've been apart for a while, the making up is always simply sensational. Sure, I can feel empty aftewards but it's worth it, isn't it?
In all seriousness, I'm sitting here with a keen meta-awareness of what's going on. I know I'm damaging myself. I know I have classic codependent and self esteem issues from growing up in an overly restricted religious environment that I'm trying to suppress. I know that my father's addiction to prescription drugs and my uncle's to anything he could get his hands on is probably not good genetic news. I know that other relationships in my life are not altogether healthy and have addictive qualities. I know all these things and I do try to address them but how the heck I am going to manage to quit drinking is beyond me.
For what it's worth I'd probably be termed a functioning alcholic/problem drinker. I have a PhD in applied maths and a good job. I'm well paid, have all the trappings of success. Remarkably, I still also have my health. However, I suspect that there is only so long I can continue to drink as I am and keep all these things.
I really want to be free from this before it destroys my life. So, basically, I'm here to find, and hopefully offer, any help and support I can.
I have a dream to be free. Truly free. To think and be just what I am. To not to be controlled by anyone or anything. I'd like to start by dealing with alcohol.
I just joined and thought I'd post a message about me. To cut a long story short I'm ruining my life with binges. Like many of you I don't drink in the morning or everyday and have managed for several years to use an outdated description of alcoholism to convince myself I was normal. But I aint. I'm the "once I start wild horses will not stop me drinking to oblivion" type. I'm mainly a beer drinker and if I don't get into double figures it's been a quiet night/afternoon. Recently, I'm managing to do it less often but then when I do I seem to go more crazy. I've been aware I've had a problem for sometime but after a particularly embarassing performance on Friday night (at least the bits I remember) I need to do something.
I keep hearing that AA is the way to go but I tried it once about 2 years ago and it was horrific. There we were sat in a circle being all open with each other and I hated it. It may be great for some but not for me. However, I appreciate the power of the support concept and I wonder if a virtual community like this one might fulfil this role.
I also recently tried alcohol counselling. It was helpful but the counsellor didn't seem to think I needed to quit - rather just to moderate. Well, I've tried and failed for 15 years so I think I need to quit.
Problem is, I love it. Alcohol is one of the great loves of my life. The ultimate breathtaking roller coaster ride. Nobody else makes me feel so great, so confident, so free. OK, the vomiting bile and 3 day hangovers are not a nice way for a lover to treat me but all relationships have issues, right? Oh, and if we've been apart for a while, the making up is always simply sensational. Sure, I can feel empty aftewards but it's worth it, isn't it?
In all seriousness, I'm sitting here with a keen meta-awareness of what's going on. I know I'm damaging myself. I know I have classic codependent and self esteem issues from growing up in an overly restricted religious environment that I'm trying to suppress. I know that my father's addiction to prescription drugs and my uncle's to anything he could get his hands on is probably not good genetic news. I know that other relationships in my life are not altogether healthy and have addictive qualities. I know all these things and I do try to address them but how the heck I am going to manage to quit drinking is beyond me.
For what it's worth I'd probably be termed a functioning alcholic/problem drinker. I have a PhD in applied maths and a good job. I'm well paid, have all the trappings of success. Remarkably, I still also have my health. However, I suspect that there is only so long I can continue to drink as I am and keep all these things.
I really want to be free from this before it destroys my life. So, basically, I'm here to find, and hopefully offer, any help and support I can.
I have a dream to be free. Truly free. To think and be just what I am. To not to be controlled by anyone or anything. I'd like to start by dealing with alcohol.
New to forum. Question - re: Wife
Hi
This is my first post here. Don't yet know all the lingo, etc... I am home on a weekend pass from my first (hopefully only) 8 week rehab stay. I am a cross addicted alcoholic whose sober date is 9/14/08. I'll be discharged in about a week.
My wife and I have been married over 20 years, we are soulmates and are relationship is strong. She is not an alcoholic and she still enjoys one drink at the end of the night. She is happy with that. She does not understand the alcoholic brain...but she's trying, god bless her, and with all I've put her through.
How do I begin to discuss with her that her evening drink is kind of rough on me, maybe she could give me more time in sobriety before having any alcohol around? She's a caring, giving wife and mother of our children.
I am sure we can discuss this with my counsellor at the rehab, but I am interested in knowing if there is anything I can read about this, any posts? sites?
She's not ready for al-anon yet and if I push too hard she'll resent it. (not that she doesn't already have enough to be resentful for!!)
Thanx
This is my first post here. Don't yet know all the lingo, etc... I am home on a weekend pass from my first (hopefully only) 8 week rehab stay. I am a cross addicted alcoholic whose sober date is 9/14/08. I'll be discharged in about a week.
My wife and I have been married over 20 years, we are soulmates and are relationship is strong. She is not an alcoholic and she still enjoys one drink at the end of the night. She is happy with that. She does not understand the alcoholic brain...but she's trying, god bless her, and with all I've put her through.
How do I begin to discuss with her that her evening drink is kind of rough on me, maybe she could give me more time in sobriety before having any alcohol around? She's a caring, giving wife and mother of our children.
I am sure we can discuss this with my counsellor at the rehab, but I am interested in knowing if there is anything I can read about this, any posts? sites?
She's not ready for al-anon yet and if I push too hard she'll resent it. (not that she doesn't already have enough to be resentful for!!)
Thanx
day 1
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well day one no more i hope its not worth it i feel parnoid hearing things.thought my wee one was crying and i in a state stupid things i can do it if not for me defo for the kids .my long road with codeine and herion and all the rest was bad enough i have always been put down ur stupid linda u cant do this cause ur a total f*** up my own fault for beliving they were all right i have lost so many loved ones and my way was to get high but u always come down at one point and the hurt and anger is still there ive seen docs but they say here anti dpressents see u in a couple of weeks yea ur a great help idoit or "i think u need mental treatment "haha or counselling for my past i get a counsellor and she more crackers than i am i end up feeling sorry for them yea i been through hell and back mother was heavy drinker i got sexualluy and phyisical abuse went to 22 junior schools 3 high school 2 school for lets just say bad kids trouble with police preagnant by 16 my close family have died just recently got attacked cause of stupid rumours but thats just a part of my life i have to learn to cope with sozz i woke up in a moaning mood
well day one no more i hope its not worth it i feel parnoid hearing things.thought my wee one was crying and i in a state stupid things i can do it if not for me defo for the kids .my long road with codeine and herion and all the rest was bad enough i have always been put down ur stupid linda u cant do this cause ur a total f*** up my own fault for beliving they were all right i have lost so many loved ones and my way was to get high but u always come down at one point and the hurt and anger is still there ive seen docs but they say here anti dpressents see u in a couple of weeks yea ur a great help idoit or "i think u need mental treatment "haha or counselling for my past i get a counsellor and she more crackers than i am i end up feeling sorry for them yea i been through hell and back mother was heavy drinker i got sexualluy and phyisical abuse went to 22 junior schools 3 high school 2 school for lets just say bad kids trouble with police preagnant by 16 my close family have died just recently got attacked cause of stupid rumours but thats just a part of my life i have to learn to cope with sozz i woke up in a moaning mood
hi again
well day one no more i hope its not worth it i feel parnoid hearing things.thought my wee one was crying and i in a state stupid things i can do it if not for me defo for the kids .my long road with codeine and herion and all the rest was bad enough i have always been put down ur stupid linda u cant do this cause ur a total f*** up my own fault for beliving they were all right i have lost so many loved ones and my way was to get high but u always come down at one point and the hurt and anger is still there ive seen docs but they say here anti dpressents see u in a couple of weeks yea ur a great help idoit or "i think u need mental treatment "haha or counselling for my past i get a counsellor and she more crackers than i am i end up feeling sorry for them yea i been through hell and back mother was heavy drinker i got sexualluy and phyisical abuse went to 22 junior schools 3 high school 2 school for lets just say bad kids trouble with police preagnant by 16 my close family have died just recently got attacked cause of stupid rumours but thats just a part of my life i have to cope
