Drug Rehab Options Blog

So I realize that AH will follow his own path to recovery, and I will do the same.

But....
I'm struggling with the fact that I am the one diving into information/resources about alcoholism, and AH is not.
He has been sober for five months, vowed to stop drinking, is seeing a counselor, and is rekindling old hobbies and interests. AH will not go to AA, he is not a reader, and he will not utilize online support boards. He has no sponsor and no buddies to talk to about this.

I look at him and think "do you really get it?"
How can you become sober if you don't learn about alcoholism? :scratchhead:

I know, I know....all I can do is focus on me. I am. And part of that focus is trying to figure out if I want to stay married to someone who doesn't appear to be taking the "necessary" steps.

make sense?

And I'm scared! Mostly because what got me into counseling was a mandatory request by my employer. I HOPE that I can make the impression that I want this so bad too, I'm not another 'mandatory counseling' person. I want to do the work, I want this for me. I'm trusting in his experience, which is lengthy, and compassion as a psychologist that he knows sometimes we just need an extra push to get moving in the right and desired direction.

I'll check back after.. it's only 10:30 here, and my appt is at 2:30.

Eep!:e052:

I'm also hoping that my experience AS a counselor doesn't make me blab all my clinical mumbo jumbo about self diagnosis junk, and that I can just drop that hat and be ME, the chick who needs his help.

Ok, I am bipolar and I rapid cycle BAD...depression for me is sometimes a couple times a day and lasts maybe 30 mins., most the time I stay agitated, very agitated. I am also an alcoholic. I go in on the 30th for an alcohol and drug assessment. I dunno what will happen from there, I am guessing detox and then on to rehab. The soonest my counselor could get me into see the pdoc was Feb. 4th....how am I suppose to deal with everything while my moods are all over the place??!?!?!?!?!?!

This morning was rough. Now I am just trying to relax and focus.

I just wanted to post an update as to how things are going. The great news is that I got a job! I'm delighted about that. My ABF has been working on his recovery tools. He is still talking to his counselor. He has finished his "plan" for recovery and is using a checklist to keep himself on track. He had a very emotional morning yesterday--he was crying quite a bit. He admitted that those emotional mornings are one of the things that led him to a relapse. His counselor wants him to share with me and others, and not keep this stuff bottled up inside. He is missing his parents (his mother died 2 years ago) and his friends (we moved here about 8 months ago). He has been reading his materials including NA materials that he printed out.

I have been working on telling him what I need and making decisions based on what I need--not on what I think he needs. I don't know if he will do what he needs to do or not. I'm glad he's started back into recovery, but I am going to do what I need to do. That means that I am going to take this new job and not worry about how my working will effect him. I'm not going to rush home to check on him or to "protect" him from relapsing. I'm going to work on making friends and spending time with people--even if he doesn't want to join in. This is all a real struggle for me because my naturally tendency is to feel responsible for his actions and to think that he can't do it without me. My mom always made sure that I knew that her happiness depended on me. She has gone so far as to tell me that directly. It wasn't just implied.

I'm trying to read, journal, and work on taking care of myself. I'm making the phone calls that I need to make and paying bills on time. This is a struggle for me, but I know how important this is. This is my life, and I don't want to live the 2nd half of it how I have lived the first half. I'm glad I have this site to help me keep on track.

This thursday I start seeing a new counselor through a state mental health clinic (fourth counselor in four years). I'm really crossing my fingers she and I will work out and last this time around. I've had many failures in therapy, showing up hung-over every time and not remembering a thing we talked about and thus wasting both our time, or hating the location and flaking out on appointments, or being sucked into trying out some machine that is supposedly supposed to change my brain chemistry instead of dealing with the issues through talking.

I want to be prepared and organized with what I tell my new counselor and not just rattle off all my issues and concerns without any real plan or destination. I am not sure what I say in order of importance, my drinking? My childhood/family stuff? The past five years?
Sometimes the first couple of sessions are the most difficult emotionally, because I bring up alot of stuff that I rarely talk about and I leave the office feeling as though I've been run-over by a car, but in a good way, if that makes sense.

And what I'm really struggling with is bringing up the Alcohol issue. It's not that I'm trying to deny or minimize it, it just has been my experience that some counselors will prioritize that as being the main problem, while I tend to think it's a symptom of a larger problem (as well as being genetically and environmentally pre-disposed to it). I've had telephone screenings with counselors and the minute I mention the Alcohol they go "Oh, well in THAT case..." and switch me over to someone else entirely. So I don't want that to be the major focus as the be-all-end-all of my problems.

Has anyone had this experience with counselors and the alcoholism issue? How do you go about your first session and what worked, didn't work?

Thanks in advance,

LD

Hey All - Geez, last week I was saying how much my life is not unmanagable (and what I said was true, I function and laugh and have fun) but now I am I am feeling severely agitated tonight and don't know why. I can't get comfortable or relax. I am physically escalated, heavy heart beat, clenching jaw and muscles - just want to go run in to a wall or something. I just keep visualizing cutting myself...but I won't. I am not sober.

I think a lot has to do with the anxiety over the decisions I've been making in the past week. I have finally found a counselor but will not see her until after the first of he new year and thanks to some SR responses (thank you) previously and maybe a glimmer of common sense, am thinking about going to detox at some point thereafter. I have an appointment with the Dr. that wanted me to go to the ER last week coming up on Monday and have no idea what she expects to have changed; but, honestly, I've only gotten worse.. I think on purpose. I am trying to force myself into detox by escalating to the point that there is no other option. I feel insane! I have a bottle of Darvocet in the cabinet and want to add it in to the mix, but have been successful in not going there so far. I don't know why I can't just make the decision and do it NOW. I'll tell her that now because I opened myself up to being honest with her last week and to save my life I can't turn back now.

Just background - I've been drinking 'alcoholicly' for 24 years and daily for about 10 (vodka/whiskey for most of it and then switched to just beer about 5 years ago - yeah, cause that'll fix it - lol). I had 3 years sober in my early 20s, where did that go???? A few years of abusing painkillers thrown in there somewhere. I'm a little OCD and I think that contributes to the problem.. routines are routines... they MUST be completed.

Just had to vent and maybe writing it will make it real and I don't know... I just am having a hell of a time fixing myself.

I'm still really worried about my ABF. He is supposedly working on recovery--trying to get out of the house more, talking to the counselor once a week, etc. However, it seems to be more the motions than anything else. He keeps telling me how important sobriety is to him. However, he keeps using! He says that he is making a "plan" for recovery. He looked at NA stuff this morning, but he says it sounds too much like a church. However, maybe he'll try it.

I know we are supposed to work on ourselves, and I am really trying. I'm reading the book Addictive Thinking which helps me understand why his rationalizations are so ridiculous. I'm on a waiting list to see a counselor (probably 4 weeks). I'm still working on finding a job, and maybe I'll get some good news regarding that soon.

It just hurts me so much to see him like this. He had 8 months of recovery! He wasn't just sober--he was really working on recovery with counseling sessions, changing his friends, being honest, etc. Now, he is taking who knows how many oxycodones. This morning he fell back to sleep, and got up this afternoon. Now, he's all happy and energetic--telling me how great he feels. Uh huh. He keeps making promises--he gets really excited about stuff. I'm going to read that book with you, I'm going to find a recipe on the Internet for that chicken, etc., but of course, he doesn't follow through. I just know that there is no way that he's going to get better as long as he keeps using!!! He's planning his recovery. Great. Terrific. If you could see me now, you would see me rolling my eyes.

I keep trying to let go, let God, but is that all I can do?

Hi all,

I'm new here but have been reading for a few weeks. Been sober in the past and screwed that up... for the past 14 years. So, now I've got some pretty good medical problems due to my drinking and yet I KEEP DOING IT! I know I have to stop, I've tried to stop, I just can't seem to string the days together like I used to. Oh, yeah... and I really just don't WANT to. My life is not unmanageable (oh, does that sound like denial?) - its not perfect, but I get up, put my shoes on and show up...and actually do my job and function, and smile/laugh have fun too. BUT, it is now about maintaining life not managing it, I guess.

There are mental/trauma/ocd issues that contribute to this, I'm sure, and I am trying to find a counselor to work with.

I went to a dr. appointment tonight and the wait was so long I actually ended up with the shakes by the time I saw the Dr. She was very uncomfortable with this and wanted me to go to the ER. Really, its not that big a deal, it is minor symptoms of withdrawal. She demands to speak with my pdoc tomorrow... geez, I feel like the principal is calling my mom.

So, anyway, I HAVE to quit. I hope I'll have the strength to do something this week because I have to see her again next week for an update. I am a people-pleaser and it kills me to be truthful and let her see what is really going on.

I'm also sincerely embarrassed that I am writing here saying that I am still active. But I hope to not be soon, and to give support as I grow stronger.

Just ever hate yourself? I just want to crawl into bed and stay there.

Thanks for listening.

So my son has been in rehab for 2 1/2 months. Last phone call I got two weeks ago, sounded promising. He was stepping up with his assignments and behavior had changed. Yesterday I get a call that he had apparently hooked up with a bad seed there. He and the other kid, were turned in for trying to buy drugs during an outing at the beach. An intense group meeting with me on speaker phone with the counselors and his peers, happened. I am a basket case, and the other kid is discharged from the program, but my son has been given another chance, AFTER, the have temporarily dropped him off at a homeless shelter for the next 3 days. He then has to come back and basically interview to get back in. He is in Florida and I am in NY. he did check in with the counselor today like he was supposed to. I just got a call from a friend of mine. He had called her today and she talked to him for a while, and he said he was soo soo sorry and knows he screwed up. He does want to go back to the rehab, and is terrified where he is. He doesn't know where the heck in Florida he is and is afraid to step out for fear of losing his bed there.

So he just called my friend in a panic. The plan was from the counselor that he stay there until Monday morning and he will then call them, they will send someone for him, and he will go back and "interview" with them for readmission. So he called my friend and said that he just found out that he can stay only for tonight and tomorrow but on Sunday he cannot stay there. I stood my ground with him on the phone yesterday, went along with the counselor on this plan, a reality check. But now I do feel terrible. He is so scared. I know that he has never been on the street, and this is truly a reality check for him, but it does sound a bit cruel as well. He told my friend that he called the rehab and they just said, find another shelter.

I'm freaking out right now for him.

I went to my counseling appointment this morning. Normally I go with my partner. Today it was just me.
My counselor was really happy/proud of the 3 days. Well, today is the 3rd day rrreally.

We discussed how anxiety and lack of self esteem is the root of it all. She also assured me it wasn't vanity that led me to this point, because that was sticking in my head people always say your so vain etc to think these things.

I know that I have two voices in my head (gee, that makes me sound crazy). I have one telling me I am boring worthless and ugly and that people don't want to be around me or engage in me.
And then I have one saying come on, your ok, you can do this.

My counselor said what would you think if I tell you, you are quiet attractive. I said I would think you are lying to me to try & get me to believe you, when your not really thinking that.
So obviously she told me I have a major problem trusting people, which I know.
She said what do you think you look like? I couldn't even answer my mind was totally numb and I just couldn't feel anything.

It's so stupid isn't it. Every time I go out I have to do myself up to the nines. Just because I am worried people think I am not good enough.

Anyway enough ranting for now. I know all the problems, just not how to fix them.