Drug Rehab Options Blog

I've heard it said many times that "relapse is a part of recovery." This is taught in many rehabs, and out patient treatment programs by well meaning educated counselors. I don't understand the logic though.

So, my kids are not coming around. My daughter is very angry with me and if she does talk to me it's to tell me how much I have messed everything up and how screwed up I am. Tonight she was saying some stuff that really scared me. She is hurting so bad. She will not talk to me and when I called her Dad and told him what she said, of course he didn't say, "Let's support our daughter and you are correct she needs help." No, it was " let me get her side of this and then I will decide if I will support her getting professional help." You see, although he was the one who had two DUI's, lost his license twice, then switched to smoking pot... every day for the past 28 years that I have known him... with a small break or two in there when I caught him or confronted him.... I am the one who is screwed up. He doesn't have a problem, he just smoked "a little" to relax.

He doesn't believe in "all that crap"... you know, counselors, professional help, et. Makes me wonder if he has something to hide... is perhaps using again and so feel threatened or if it's just more the same old power play.

I know I have to do what's right for my kids. (17 and 14 years old) I know that it might mean that for the mean time they "hate" me even more than they do right now. BUT, I have to know they are safe. I have never tried to keep them away from their Dad. But his unwillingness to see how much they are struggling... Dad moved out in July... is nuts. My therapist is considering reporting him to Child protective Services. Thinks he is getting in the way of the kids being able to get the help they need. The whole thought of all that makes me sick... but, what else can I do. Daughter is afraid to go to counseling because that would be going against Dad, so she is making it sound like she is fine and I am nuts... but in the meantime she is getting into trouble in school, screaming at me, screaming at teachers, etc. How do I gain some control, make sure kids are safe and keep my sanity?!?!?!?

Drugs stink!!! Look what this has done to my life and what it's doing to my kids. Could he (exh) get any more selfish!!!!?!?!?!?

I need support tonight, big time.

So my AS has been in rehab 11 days and already has trouble. if he gets kicked out he is facing state YDC rehab - which is not the kind of place that is going to do him any good - its more like jail than rehab.

So his story is some kid was huffing freone from the air conditioner unit in the yard. (That alone blows my mind - what wont these kids get high on.) My AS claims he walked back there to see what the kid was doing - the kid ran off and then a counselor walked over and sees my AS standing there and determines that he must be huffing it. As far as I know he's never been into huffing but who knows - nothing really suprises me anymore.

He claims that then they brought these two kids in to talk to them and they both blame the other. He also says that the other kids who witnessed it all stood behind him saying it wasnt my son but was the other kid who was also acting messed up. Next thing you know my AS is mad, a fight starts, and he gives this other kid a black eye.

He claims that after they all talked the counselors believed him and that they arent going to throw him out but who knows what to believe. He is a pretty charming kid and has a way with adults and claims the other kid isnt getting along with the counselors so they took my son's side. This much I'm apt to believe because its actually been one of our problems - everyone likes him so much that they never wanted to turn him in. He has always gotten away with more than other kids did because of his diabetes and because adults really like him and gave him more chances then they should. My son is probably the only kid who at YDC who got letters from his vice-principal, teachers, nurses, etc. - they love him.

I got upset but controlled myself. Just told him that he knows what's going to happen if he gets thrown out and next time he gets mad that he needs to fight within himself because the consequences are going to be the loss of his freedom. I told him that when he gets mad he may not think he cares about what the consequences were but later he would regret it.

Today, I'm going to be on pins and needs everytime the phone rings - waiting to see if they toss him out. If he gets thrown out of there then our lives will yet again be in turmoil. Part of me is realistic that anytime you put a bunch of teenage boys together you're going to have a certain amount of fights but this facility is understandably clear that violence is not tolerated. He does have an anger management problem and i just pray that he doesnt blow this because of his temper. No matter whose fault it was/is he has to control himself. i wish this kid would stop sabotaging himself. I know that i have done all that i can for him getting him where he is - if he's thrown out i truly cannot protect him from the consequences.

friends,
my son called last night and he got a job. there is a condition. this is a job in sales and he needs a car. it is my understanding that this is a commission job. therefore you will have an outlay of cash in the form of gas, insurance, new car tag etc. he has a car here that is titled to his wife (soon to be ex-wife). I am presuming he has her okay.

Of course he wants us to assist him in the gas, ins., tag etc. until he can begin making sales. I told him I felt that was a lot of outlay for a job that might not pan out (example..no sales) for now I told him my dh and I would get the counselors(at his rehab) opinion and see what kind of company this is and if he thinks it is a good idea.

So once again I am in the doghouse for not being "gung-ho" on a job he found. However, if he expects us to help him make this possible don't we have a right to express our doubts? I personally feel like he should get a paying job that includes a regular week to week paycheck. But is that controlling on my part? Or just the expression of an opinion?

I think he should save his money while working at another job and if the sales job is available AFTER he saves his $$$ then go for it. Of course you all know how well that idea is going to go over. Seems to me I can never win. Now my son thinks I am the stumbling block in a great job for him.

I feel pretty low right now but we have only last week set him up in rehab and now this. Am I wrong thinking this sales job is a bad idea? Also my dh and I would have to miss a days work to get the car to him plus make the arrangements for a tag and insurance since he is in a different state. Really it isn't a cut and dried issue but I'd appreciate any thoughts. dixied

I am new to the forum and I thank the people who started and contribute their experiences to it.

Reading through the TOS I am careful to ask for some direction without triggering someone or getting too descriptive, so with that in mind, please be patient with my questions.

I became involved with a man I met about a year ago. He was divorced after a long term marriage and has a teen daughter whom lived with him when they divorced, but then moved in with her mother.

I was aware he had been addicted to hydro during his marriage, after a prescription for an injury several yrs ago. He struggled with addiction and went to rehab the first time on his mother's $ only to w/d from the program. The counselors told him he would be back.

He lost his job and relapsed. He was depressed and his wife went back to work to support the family. He doctor shopped for his script and fell into his self described depressive hell. He was crying all the time and in bed daily. Unable to live a normal productive life. He claims his wife paid no attention to his depression and addiction. I do not know how much of his account of her is due to his hystrionic personality.

His mother paid for him to go to rehab a second time. This time he was treated with opioids and again, described the hell he experienced as a result of his coming off the drugs. He got to a point where he did not want to leave the safety of rehab. But eventually he did and went home.

His wife filed for divorce after 20 yrs. They had agreed to stay in the home together for one yr and pay off the bills and carefully design the divorce so as not to hurt their teen...., but he was involved with someone online in a LD relationship and his wife decided to file then and not wait out a yr. He was angry.

I met him while he was with this lady who was clear across the US that he was having an online relationship with. He and she were fighting constantly and having text messaging wars non stop. She was addicted to furocet (sp?) and other script drugs. At one point he was ordering them online for her. She had lost custody of her 5 kids and lived with her mother. He wanted her to move here and help her with her addiction by cutting her back on her meds. Well she wanted her own room in his home and that kind of should have served as one more red flag for him. So that relationship crashed and burned. He had met her ONCE and their time as a couple was limited to three months.

He and I met and I liked him. He was funny and I was not well versed in addiction whatsoever so I was naive to say the least. I told him I had taken hydro once for a wk for a broken bone. I said it made me feel NORMAL and happy but I researched it and realized it was a bad thing to like. I could project ahead the potential for disaster and consciously recognized this was not a logical nor safe drug to take for me long term.

When I told him about it, his eyes lit up and he talked about his addiction with an almost long lost love affair....and how he was recovered two yrs now. I believed him.

So he fell for me hard and fast and I was a bit taken aback. His divorce was final the month I met him as was mine. My ex husband have a good report and he and I had been physically separated for yrs before we filed and made it legit. I was used to being alone. My ex had a gf and I had had a bf once we moved out of one anothers house. We had shared custody and got on well with one another.

As I dated this man, the bf, he told me he loved me in no less than 2 weeks and could see him marrying me. He was so overly passionate but oddly so.

Time passed and he got mad at me one day for something trivial and called me a very foul abusive name for a female body part. He later called my best friend and told he he screwed up and was sorry and would she talk to me about it. He sent flowers and begged me to take him back and he promised he would never say that again. My ex bf called me those names and had a temper problem and he promised me he would never say that to me...but he did.

I forgave him. DUH I KNOW. His temper was something that was not obvious I have come to learn when he was using. But I did not know he was using.

He was having internal bleeding that was due to constipation caused by the drugs, he was given a script for over 100 hydro at one visit that I attended with him when he had internal hemeroids...common problem with opiate usage. He had thrown a blood clot yrs ago and it lodged. in his chest and required a transfusion and surgery but he refused the surgery. He lost huge amounts of blood and became anemic.

He asked me to marry him and then retracted it the day after new years. After we told the kids. That alone hurt. I knew he was using hydro for his hemmeroids - easier to use than to get treatment for the problem.

When he had that script I said I thought you couldnt take narcs after being an addict. He said he didnt want them to control him and he wanted to be in charge. i then realized he was more and more into his addiction and the BS about him being recovered was complete crap. I left him.

He became suicidal and manipulative - screaming at me then apologizing...begging me back saying he would end his life if I didnt take him back.

I fell in love with the guy who I thought was clean and the underlying angry man beneath his drugs was breaking through. I also found out he had a son from a gal he had sex with in college. His monther paid his CS until this young man was 18. He told me he paid for it but I came to find the receipts denoting his mother had paid.

Sadly enough he had no contact with the child ever, though his family tried a few times. He claimed his ex wife refused him to visit the son because she was concerned the boys mother would hit him up for more money. Nothing could keep me from my child NOTHING. My therapist says this is a character flaw. Selfishness by the design of addiction. His teen daughter did not know she has a sibling.

We broke up a number of times due to his irrational drug using behavior. Of course I was always the blame. He was addicted since I knew him. He went from Dr Shopping to online diversion and ended up with ultracet and muscle relaxants.

We were engaged and I took him to my family reuinion after a long fight about his ultram addiction. I was afriad he would die if left alone. I stayedu p six hours all night listening to him tell me he was going to committ suicide. I talked him down and brought him on the trip. I was telling him I didnt want him to go because I found he had a profile on match dot you know who looking for his soulmate after one fight we had about his using, he had the dog i gave him on his profile and said he was looking for his soulmate. Gee he told me that was ME.

After that I tookd him anyways to meet the family. He asked my dad to marry me and my family embraced him. His family was against it and considered me the enemy because they had their baby brother in their talons of control. Part of the reason he was down and had no esteem and turned to drugs.

I tried to get him into rehab but he had excuses for the poor health care system and no coverage or time off work. He claimed to be going to NA but never went.

Fourth of July thing improved and he wanted to move into my home. I said ok. he was using again. So we waited a bit.

We had one of our usual addiction talks and he became resistant after he had lied to me three times about using...and he dumped me for two days. Wrote me a poem and I was pregnant an miscarrying at the time. He knew something was wrong with me female speaking...so I drove to his house one night and caught him with this beautiful addict half my age in his drive. I asked who she was...he said a friend. I said i was there to tell him I miscarried and to thank him for the poem. The girl got out of his car screaming at me and trying to hit me. I left and was devastated. I still had the engagement ring on. I gave it it him and fled.

She phoned my cell over an over and I cut off all contact with him. My sister with whom he was close with called him. he was using again and crying into the phone to her. I filed a complaint to the PD stating his new gf was harassing me and calling me.
He moved her in within one week of knowing her and gave her my engagement ring telling her he loved her. Eventually he began texting me apologizing and saying she tried to attempt suicide the night previous.

I said kick her out. My god he had moved her in in a week! her stuff was all over his house and there was no way it was habitable. He said he wanted to get clean after watching her druel and pass out. She said lets die togther and pulled out once of his firearms. He said NO i want o get clean and she said you need drugs is all.

He asked me to emeet him at the PD with my report from my PD to evict her. He proclaimed his love for me in front of the officer and the officer told him what a slob he was and he would file an immediate removal of her from his hom in the morning and to get away from her or she would end his life. She knew he was going to end her life and possibly his. She knew we was coming to meet me.

I told him to seperate the bullets and dispose of the guns at the PD.

While at the PD turns out she was wanted and had lost custody of her kids and had just assaulted her BF the day she met my bf. She ran into him at a pharmacy and asked him for a ride home. They exchanged numbers and he was totally enagaged with me at the time.

After the PD we went to talk about him going to rcovery. he was apologetic and so in love with me and needed NA and rehab. He called me on his way home...she had ended her life. i raced back to the house and he had no where to go so I took him home. His ex wife said she left because of his addiction and was not going to be part of it anymore.

He moved in and expected me to be over the death and betrayal in 5 wks. He never paid me one cent to help with the bills. His family was horrible to me and blamed me for this girls death because of mine and his on off relationship stating she would be alive if we werent back n forth.

I took him to my counselor on my bill and made him go to NA and it was an effective great group. i knew a lot of the participants throughmy job.

I had to kick him out when he was screaming he didnt love anyone or anything. His violence and anger was horrible. He was struggling with PAW and refused to see it.

After my hand holding him and trying to help him he hurt me so badly.

The other day he called after I ignornired him for one month. I met with him and he started up that crap about how he missed me. I had been accused of drug useage in a new job ;ast wk just after my sons best friend and co worker had been murdered in a shooting in ATLANTA. I left that pain at the door as I was a champion for this good teenager. I was humiliated and angry that I was met by a cop and an emt and accused of the very thing I am completely against.

now my ex wont speak to me and changed hhis number and found anothr gf.

Why does this hurt. Is it normal? Why am I do depressed and feel valueless. He uses me and dumps me when he realizes the call of drugs and hot women are far more exciting than the familiar who expects a good life and clean one.


Im so depressed at how I was treated and I know my job was thwarted by a vengeful call from him.

Is this mornal - the pushpull from addicts? Am i not worthy of love???? Please help me i feel so down. So used.

I posted this on FFSA also - you guys have been so helpful to me, I just wanted to update.

I just got a call from his mom, apparantly the nurse called her because he only included HER to be the one to talk to nurses, doctors, counselors, staff etc. I know he did this because he knows he can pull the wool over her eyes very quickly and that I can see through him and will be STRAIGHT with his counselors. That's a slam in the face right there to me.

This is day 8 for him, the second time around at the same rehab. So he's not made it past 8 days in a rehab ever. If you recall, he was kicked out 50 days ago for using while in rehab. I've been paying Cobra $1700 a month just to KEEP this insurance because he'd lost his job of 19 years. BECAUSE IT PAID FULLY FOR THIS REHAB - to the tune of $16k! I took the kids and I's insurance down a notch to accomodate for HIM.

He's clean now and told his mom he's done with drugs, but he hates it up there, can't sleep, can do this by himself, it's the same old thing over and over again in the meetings he's attending. I am just so beside myself right now.

I've called the rehab to get a message to him, but because of patient confidentiality and me being EXCLUDED they can't tell me whether he's yet left or is packing or what. If he doesn't call in the next 15 minutes I'll assume he's already gone. He doesn't have a cell phone with him, and it will take him 4 hours to get home so I have to agonize all day. He'd tried to call last night and I called him back, but they have 1 phone on a floor and it was busy the entire night until 11:00 so I didn't get a chance to talk to him.

If being kicked out of your house where your wife and kids live, losing your job, having NO money, resulting to pawning a necklace that I bought him 20 years ago for 1/4 of it's price.... Isn't his bottom, what will be? I am just so upset at how low he's gone. How hard is it for someone to complete a 28 day rehab? Can it be any harder than me working 70 hours a week, coaching soccer, caring for 2 kids, planning their birthday party, taking care of a house, paying the bills??? Can COMPLETING a rehab be THAT hard?????

I'm not saying he's leaving because he wants to use, I think he's leaving because he thinks he can do this all by himself. Like he's clean now, not sick and will just come back, get a job, get right, become the family man he always said he wanted to be and all of that.

Can someone like this ever be right? For 20 years he's not been able to do this by himself. He's not one for meetings or reading books or any of that. How can he do it by himself WITHOUT those things? He keeps saying he knows all of what the meetings are saying - it's just doing it. Some counselor up there told him that he kicked a crack addiction by just putting his mind to it. No meetings, no counseling, no books, nothing. AH latched onto his words and his success.

I know that rehab is suppose to be for HIM - but am I wrong in thinking that he could AT LEAST complete the rehab not only for himself, but for the kids and I, my family etc? I'm viewing him as a selfish jerk who can't even do what he needs to do (complete rehab) for himself and his family. How can someone invest any more time into an addict if they can't even work the steps? I feel like if he COULD have done this by himself, WTH didn't he do it 10 years ago??

His mom called the rehab just now and they said he left 30 minutes ago.

I just got a call from his mom, apparantly the nurse called her because he only included HER to be the one to talk to nurses, doctors, counselors, staff etc. I know he did this because he knows he can pull the wool over her eyes very quickly and that I can see through him and will be STRAIGHT with his counselors. That's a slam in the face right there to me.

This is day 8 for him, the second time around at the same rehab. So he's not made it past 8 days in a rehab ever. If you recall, he was kicked out 50 days ago for using while in rehab. I've been paying Cobra $1700 a month just to KEEP this insurance because he'd lost his job of 19 years. BECAUSE IT PAID FULLY FOR THIS REHAB - to the tune of $16k! I took the kids and I's insurance down a notch to accomodate for HIM.

He's clean now and told his mom he's done with drugs, but he hates it up there, can't sleep, can do this by himself, it's the same old thing over and over again in the meetings he's attending. I am just so beside myself right now.

I've called the rehab to get a message to him, but because of patient confidentiality and me being EXCLUDED they can't tell me whether he's yet left or is packing or what. If he doesn't call in the next 15 minutes I'll assume he's already gone. He doesn't have a cell phone with him, and it will take him 4 hours to get home so I have to agonize all day. He'd tried to call last night and I called him back, but they have 1 phone on a floor and it was busy the entire night until 11:00 so I didn't get a chance to talk to him.

If being kicked out of your house where your wife and kids live, losing your job, having NO money, resulting to pawning a necklace that I bought him 20 years ago for 1/4 of it's price.... Isn't his bottom, what will be? I am just so upset at how low he's gone. How hard is it for someone to complete a 28 day rehab? Can it be any harder than me working 70 hours a week, coaching soccer, caring for 2 kids, planning their birthday party, taking care of a house, paying the bills??? Can COMPLETING a rehab be THAT hard?????

I'm not saying he's leaving because he wants to use, I think he's leaving because he thinks he can do this all by himself. Like he's clean now, not sick and will just come back, get a job, get right, become the family man he always said he wanted to be and all of that.

Can someone like this ever be right? For 20 years he's not been able to do this by himself. He's not one for meetings or reading books or any of that. How can he do it by himself WITHOUT those things? He keeps saying he knows all of what the meetings are saying - it's just doing it. Some counselor up there told him that he kicked a crack addiction by just putting his mind to it. No meetings, no counseling, no books, nothing. AH latched onto his words and his success.

I know that rehab is suppose to be for HIM - but am I wrong in thinking that he could AT LEAST complete the rehab not only for himself, but for the kids and I, my family etc? I'm viewing him as a selfish jerk who can't even do what he needs to do (complete rehab) for himself and his family. How can someone invest any more time into an addict if they can't even work the steps? I feel like if he COULD have done this by himself, WTH didn't he do it 10 years ago??

His mom called the rehab just now and they said he left 30 minutes ago.

Hi everyone! I am doing very well now. A lot of meetings with counselors, doctors and some much needed medication has got me back on track now. It has also given me some new perspective on my current situation.
I have decided that I am going to take care of myself. This can end in two ways. He is going to be upset with me for doing this or he is going to hop on the healthy wagon with me. Plain and simple. I do not need chaos, lies and hurt in my life.
If he wants badly enough to be with me then he will find a way to get better. I realize that it is a nearly impossible thing and I am not getting my hopes up. As much as I love him, I am not willing to go down with him.
So...I am taking time for myself and my daughter. I am currently reading this book by Eckhart Tolle called A New Earth. It is quite good. My mood is getting better everyday. I do feel a little tired right now.
My doctor put me on Lexapro 10 mg. and Atavan for panic attacks and high anxiety.
I DID NOT lose my job. I came in and she said she wants me to stay but this is what I need to do....so that is really good. This medication works so well that I was quite in control in that meeting. I had been dreading it from the beginning. But, everything is okay.
So, I am sure I will be writing again but with a new attitude. No matter what I lose in life or think I've lost, I will always have one thing.....ME. And all that I NEED is the air I breathe. So, I have really gained some insight and perspective over the last few days about where I am and where I'm going to be.
Thank you all for your support during this time for me, I greatly appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. I think of SR as a second family and I am so happy you are all part of my life :)

Take Care,
Heather

Got off the phone with my XAGF and she is to come over and get the rest of her things. Then she tells me she has a therapy appointment at 1pm. Then goes on to tell me her therapist says I am the worst thing for her.

I wonder how many of these therapist, counselors, wind up being the next enabler, or crutch?

i am about to begin work on my fourth step, but i gotta admit the idea scares the hell outta me! i attempted this step at my rehab about 2 years ago but cannot say that i was entirely honest (since i was sharing this assignment with counselors and my parents, i left a great deal out). i feel that if i am going to continue working my steps, a searching and fearless moral inventory is necessary. so here i am, wondering how to do this the RIGHT way. i am very afraid of the emotions that i know will come up and having to come to terms with myself and many of the things i've done. i would appreciate any words of wisdom you can spare.