Archive for the ‘Couple Days’ tag
I got a sponsor!
Finally! :banana:
I think she's going to be awesome. She was one of the women who took me aside when I was shaking in my boots at my first meeting. She also has gone through a divorce and has a 2.5 year old daughter. And one thing I like about her is that she is always smiling. They say your sponsor should be someone who has what you want. She told me that if I work the Steps with her, I'll finally be able to turn off all the voices in my head. I want that.
I really needed this because it's been a rough couple days. I think this is going to be a monumental thing for me and for my recovery.
I think she's going to be awesome. She was one of the women who took me aside when I was shaking in my boots at my first meeting. She also has gone through a divorce and has a 2.5 year old daughter. And one thing I like about her is that she is always smiling. They say your sponsor should be someone who has what you want. She told me that if I work the Steps with her, I'll finally be able to turn off all the voices in my head. I want that.
I really needed this because it's been a rough couple days. I think this is going to be a monumental thing for me and for my recovery.
subs and school
Hey, I wrote about this in the HIV thread and figured I should just start another one.
My first issue is this: I got off heroin about 4 weeks ago now (!!!!!) and I was supposed to be on subs just to control the withdrawal and I was supposed to taper off within a couple weeks of starting them. Then I just didn't do it cause I "didn't want to have any withdrawal over the holidays" and now I've been on 8 mg a day for a few weeks and only have about 15 pills left. I am scared to get off them entirely because I don't entirely trust myself to not do dope, though I don't think it's necessarily think it's healthy to be using subs as a crutch like that. I've definitely heard not to stay on subs for 6 months or whatever, but I'm really scared that I'm going to relapse. I haven't had bad cravings for heroin but there's been a few times I think if I knew where to get it in Atlanta I might have but I always think "well I'm on subs, it would be pointless", so I don't. What are your thoughts on that?
Also, I have been drinking, smoking a little weed, and taken a little valium here, nothing excessively, but obviously it's not a good pattern. Do you think moving to Asheville where I don't know anyone and being a full time student in a couple weeks is a stupid idea? My family and I just don't know what to do because I'm supposed to be living in an apartment there and they think I should be in sober living, which I refuse to do again even though I really do want to be sober. My other options are staying in Atlanta with them and working or something but I'm already 24 and only have 57 credits and I just feel so behind. I know I haven't been sober the last few months but I really have been in sober living for about a year and a half of my life and I really can't do it anymore. I am very conflicted and I have to make up my mind within a couple days about where I'll be living and everything. What do you guys think?
My first issue is this: I got off heroin about 4 weeks ago now (!!!!!) and I was supposed to be on subs just to control the withdrawal and I was supposed to taper off within a couple weeks of starting them. Then I just didn't do it cause I "didn't want to have any withdrawal over the holidays" and now I've been on 8 mg a day for a few weeks and only have about 15 pills left. I am scared to get off them entirely because I don't entirely trust myself to not do dope, though I don't think it's necessarily think it's healthy to be using subs as a crutch like that. I've definitely heard not to stay on subs for 6 months or whatever, but I'm really scared that I'm going to relapse. I haven't had bad cravings for heroin but there's been a few times I think if I knew where to get it in Atlanta I might have but I always think "well I'm on subs, it would be pointless", so I don't. What are your thoughts on that?
Also, I have been drinking, smoking a little weed, and taken a little valium here, nothing excessively, but obviously it's not a good pattern. Do you think moving to Asheville where I don't know anyone and being a full time student in a couple weeks is a stupid idea? My family and I just don't know what to do because I'm supposed to be living in an apartment there and they think I should be in sober living, which I refuse to do again even though I really do want to be sober. My other options are staying in Atlanta with them and working or something but I'm already 24 and only have 57 credits and I just feel so behind. I know I haven't been sober the last few months but I really have been in sober living for about a year and a half of my life and I really can't do it anymore. I am very conflicted and I have to make up my mind within a couple days about where I'll be living and everything. What do you guys think?
Sub detox, trouble dropping below 1mg, anyone able to share experiences?
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everyone!
I've tapered down from 16mg to about 1mg of suboxone per day. All went well, felt great, until got below 2mg. I'm struggling to keep the dose less than 1mg; managed .75 one day, next day had to take an additional .5 to be able to stay at work.
I usually take half my daily dose in the morning when I wake up, then the rest around noon or 1 (whenever I start feeling a little unwell). After dropping below 1mg, I started having the restless feeling hit, trouble sleeping at night (RLS type symptoms), sneezing and yawning during the day.
To those who have been through this, did they find that the fairly mild w/d symptoms (especially as it's holiday time, so I have a lot of time off work) went away fairly quickly, or did you stabilize on the last dosage (for me, 1mg) before dropping the dose again?
If I choose to drop the dose despite not being stabilized, will the w/d symptoms get much worse? For me, my worst w/d symptoms is the restlessness and later the lethary. Even when I kicked methadone in the past, the body aches and chills were less an issue for me than the restlessness and extreme lethargy, insomnia. Cold sweats are a problem but I haven't hit that point yet, or the diarrhea, so my whining is relative.
In other words, my w/d isn't all that bad, definitely tolerable, but if they get worse, it might be difficult to work/function, and I may go running back to sub dr for another prescription (I have 6mg left right now). I have a handful of days off (4 1/2) for New Year weekend, but last time I quit c/t, I wasn't feeling any better by day 5. Maybe I should schedule another day or two off to use this time as my jumping off point? If I suffer through dropping the dose as scheduled in the next couple days, I'll be jumping off from .5 or .25. I'm curious as to others' experience regarding the jumping off phase and the very end of the detox.
At this point, no cravings, even on this low dose. I don't want to let myself get in a bad spot during a holiday weekend.
Any words of wisdom, advice, from anyone especially those who've been through this sub detox?
I've tapered down from 16mg to about 1mg of suboxone per day. All went well, felt great, until got below 2mg. I'm struggling to keep the dose less than 1mg; managed .75 one day, next day had to take an additional .5 to be able to stay at work.
I usually take half my daily dose in the morning when I wake up, then the rest around noon or 1 (whenever I start feeling a little unwell). After dropping below 1mg, I started having the restless feeling hit, trouble sleeping at night (RLS type symptoms), sneezing and yawning during the day.
To those who have been through this, did they find that the fairly mild w/d symptoms (especially as it's holiday time, so I have a lot of time off work) went away fairly quickly, or did you stabilize on the last dosage (for me, 1mg) before dropping the dose again?
If I choose to drop the dose despite not being stabilized, will the w/d symptoms get much worse? For me, my worst w/d symptoms is the restlessness and later the lethary. Even when I kicked methadone in the past, the body aches and chills were less an issue for me than the restlessness and extreme lethargy, insomnia. Cold sweats are a problem but I haven't hit that point yet, or the diarrhea, so my whining is relative.
In other words, my w/d isn't all that bad, definitely tolerable, but if they get worse, it might be difficult to work/function, and I may go running back to sub dr for another prescription (I have 6mg left right now). I have a handful of days off (4 1/2) for New Year weekend, but last time I quit c/t, I wasn't feeling any better by day 5. Maybe I should schedule another day or two off to use this time as my jumping off point? If I suffer through dropping the dose as scheduled in the next couple days, I'll be jumping off from .5 or .25. I'm curious as to others' experience regarding the jumping off phase and the very end of the detox.
At this point, no cravings, even on this low dose. I don't want to let myself get in a bad spot during a holiday weekend.
Any words of wisdom, advice, from anyone especially those who've been through this sub detox?
confused ex girlfriend please help
Hi all,
I am just writing to introduce my self. I just found out my ex boyfriend i have been with on and off was lieing to me. He told me after six months of dating he had a cocaine problem and that he was getting off it. I found out two days ago that he never stopped. I feel like such a fool. He makes good money so he will never hit rock bottom. I can't seem to forget him or move on cause he has called me a bitch, ****, loser, stupid, sick in the head so many times i feel i cannot do any better, plus i do not want to walk away, i could never forget myself if something happened to him. I also can't stand the thought of him hating me but he is getting to the point that he will not talk to me, or phone me. I told him a couple days ago that i knew everything and he was not welcome near me or near my apt but now i want him here. I am so scared to move on, why can't he love me
I am just writing to introduce my self. I just found out my ex boyfriend i have been with on and off was lieing to me. He told me after six months of dating he had a cocaine problem and that he was getting off it. I found out two days ago that he never stopped. I feel like such a fool. He makes good money so he will never hit rock bottom. I can't seem to forget him or move on cause he has called me a bitch, ****, loser, stupid, sick in the head so many times i feel i cannot do any better, plus i do not want to walk away, i could never forget myself if something happened to him. I also can't stand the thought of him hating me but he is getting to the point that he will not talk to me, or phone me. I told him a couple days ago that i knew everything and he was not welcome near me or near my apt but now i want him here. I am so scared to move on, why can't he love me
exgirlfriend lost - please help
Hi all,
I am just writing to introduce my self. I just found out my ex boyfriend i have been with on and off was lieing to me. He told me after six months of dating he had a cocaine problem and that he was getting off it. I found out two days ago that he never stopped. I feel like such a fool. He makes good money so he will never hit rock bottom. I can't seem to forget him or move on cause he has called me a bitch, ****, loser, stupid, sick in the head so many times i feel i cannot do any better, plus i do not want to walk away, i could never forget myself if something happened to him. I also can't stand the thought of him hating me but he is getting to the point that he will not talk to me, or phone me. I told him a couple days ago that i knew everything and he was not welcome near me or near my apt but now i want him here. I am so scared to move on, why can't he love me
I am just writing to introduce my self. I just found out my ex boyfriend i have been with on and off was lieing to me. He told me after six months of dating he had a cocaine problem and that he was getting off it. I found out two days ago that he never stopped. I feel like such a fool. He makes good money so he will never hit rock bottom. I can't seem to forget him or move on cause he has called me a bitch, ****, loser, stupid, sick in the head so many times i feel i cannot do any better, plus i do not want to walk away, i could never forget myself if something happened to him. I also can't stand the thought of him hating me but he is getting to the point that he will not talk to me, or phone me. I told him a couple days ago that i knew everything and he was not welcome near me or near my apt but now i want him here. I am so scared to move on, why can't he love me
Are there guidelines for boundaries?
Hello all. This is my first thread, and I want to thank you all for the strength and encouragement I have seen in this forum. Here's my sob story........
My abf of almost 3 years was 1 1/2 - 2 years "clean" when we met. His DOC is Oxycontin. I always thought it odd that he drank alcohol, but I've discovered that seems to be part of the denial of the disease. Anyways, he had been through rehab after losing his marriage and his business as a result of his addiction. Of course, I didn't find out his addiction was the source of these losses for quite some time, but you all know how THAT goes! Anyways, he had a knee surgery that was done wrong several years ago that led to him getting hooked on the pills. Same botched surgery led him to need to have surgery again this year. Due to scheduling conflicts with his job at the time, he was on Percocet and Oxycontin for about 4 months before the surgery even happened. We tried having me hold the pills and dose him, but my job takes me away sometimes for a couple days at a time and funny how he always found the stash while I was gone. Then we got stuck in the cycle of buying them to supplement so he wouldn't run out. I actually justified in my head that it was cheaper to buy pills than for him to go into withdrawls and not go to work (he had no sick or vacation time).
Trying to make a long story short here.........
Surgery was over 2 months ago and he finally got off the narcotics and onto Suboxone the day before Thanksgiving. He lost his job a month before the surgery. I sort of laid down the law in the middle of November, before he was on the Suboxone. I told him he needed to write down a date when he'd be off the pills entirely and if he wasn't off by that day then we were over. He picked 12/31. He also said that he would go to at least 3 AA meetings per week, get a sponsor, and find a therapist to work with about the reasons he uses.
The problem is, he feels that since he's on the Suboxone, he's met his goal of being off the pills and that's all that matters. However, the weekend before he started Subooxone, he stole $400 dollars out of MY (not OUR) savings account to buy pills. Needless to say, I had a MAJOR melt down!! I told him that he needed to go ABOVE AND BEYOND what he thought was necessary to prove to me that he was getting off the pills. Since then, he's not gone to a single meeting, he's not looking for a job (hasn't even updated his resume), I was gone for 2 days working (one day was 24-hours straight) then came home and he hadn't even emptied the frickin dishwasher.....dirty dishes piled up in the sink!! WTF?!?
I'm struggling. Obviously, he's NOT doing what he needs to do to be a good partner or to stay off the stupid pills. I'm going to regular Al-Anon meetings, and they are all encouraging me not to make any "rash" decisions. So I'm trying to figure out where my boundaries are. But it seems all the boundaries I come up with revolve around his behavior, and that seems to go against the Al-Anon beliefs of not controlling the addict or their behavior.
I'm not someone who is willing to live with an addict who won't work to get/stay clean. In fact, when he first told me of his addiction my words to him were "As long as the drugs are in your past, we'll be fine. However, if you choose to make them a part your present or your future we're gonna have problems."
So how do I draw boundaries that are healthy for me that don't seem like I'm telling him what to do?
My abf of almost 3 years was 1 1/2 - 2 years "clean" when we met. His DOC is Oxycontin. I always thought it odd that he drank alcohol, but I've discovered that seems to be part of the denial of the disease. Anyways, he had been through rehab after losing his marriage and his business as a result of his addiction. Of course, I didn't find out his addiction was the source of these losses for quite some time, but you all know how THAT goes! Anyways, he had a knee surgery that was done wrong several years ago that led to him getting hooked on the pills. Same botched surgery led him to need to have surgery again this year. Due to scheduling conflicts with his job at the time, he was on Percocet and Oxycontin for about 4 months before the surgery even happened. We tried having me hold the pills and dose him, but my job takes me away sometimes for a couple days at a time and funny how he always found the stash while I was gone. Then we got stuck in the cycle of buying them to supplement so he wouldn't run out. I actually justified in my head that it was cheaper to buy pills than for him to go into withdrawls and not go to work (he had no sick or vacation time).
Trying to make a long story short here.........
Surgery was over 2 months ago and he finally got off the narcotics and onto Suboxone the day before Thanksgiving. He lost his job a month before the surgery. I sort of laid down the law in the middle of November, before he was on the Suboxone. I told him he needed to write down a date when he'd be off the pills entirely and if he wasn't off by that day then we were over. He picked 12/31. He also said that he would go to at least 3 AA meetings per week, get a sponsor, and find a therapist to work with about the reasons he uses.
The problem is, he feels that since he's on the Suboxone, he's met his goal of being off the pills and that's all that matters. However, the weekend before he started Subooxone, he stole $400 dollars out of MY (not OUR) savings account to buy pills. Needless to say, I had a MAJOR melt down!! I told him that he needed to go ABOVE AND BEYOND what he thought was necessary to prove to me that he was getting off the pills. Since then, he's not gone to a single meeting, he's not looking for a job (hasn't even updated his resume), I was gone for 2 days working (one day was 24-hours straight) then came home and he hadn't even emptied the frickin dishwasher.....dirty dishes piled up in the sink!! WTF?!?
I'm struggling. Obviously, he's NOT doing what he needs to do to be a good partner or to stay off the stupid pills. I'm going to regular Al-Anon meetings, and they are all encouraging me not to make any "rash" decisions. So I'm trying to figure out where my boundaries are. But it seems all the boundaries I come up with revolve around his behavior, and that seems to go against the Al-Anon beliefs of not controlling the addict or their behavior.
I'm not someone who is willing to live with an addict who won't work to get/stay clean. In fact, when he first told me of his addiction my words to him were "As long as the drugs are in your past, we'll be fine. However, if you choose to make them a part your present or your future we're gonna have problems."
So how do I draw boundaries that are healthy for me that don't seem like I'm telling him what to do?
What I’ve Become…..
It's been a while since I've been on. For all of you who don't know my story, here it is in short. I've always been an honest, good and decent person. One of those good girls who never did drugs and didn't really drink except the occassional social event. About 7 months ago, I fell in love with a man who I later found out was addicted to pain killers. He is on a program that uses suboxone to recover however, he abuses that as well.
A few months ago, I was so entangled in what he was doing, where he was and if he was going to kill himself. One night, I fell hard. I slit my wrists and wound up in the pshych ward. I loved him so much and I couldn't imagine my life without him. I was so depressed from thinking he was going to kill himself that I ended up losing myself in him. I was becoming a horrible mom and didn't really like myself. I got help.
We moved in together and everything seemed to be going fine. Now, the worst has happened.
I was an enabler, as much as I hated to admit it. In one of my enabling events, my world turned upside down. Now, instead of an enabler, I am writing to you as an addict. A cocaine addict.
We have spent so much money. We have so much to lose. I don't know what to do. I can't go into rehab because I will lose my job and with the economy the way it is, I definitely wouldn't be getting another one anytime soon. It has not gotten to the point where I steal or sell my stuff but if I keep going, I'm sure it would.
I love cocaine. I love the way I feel when I do it. But I also hate cocaine. I hate the way it takes all of our money. I hate the way I'm an addict instead of the mother I should be. I hate the way it separates him and I because we are each so busy doing stuff that we end up not spending time with each other. And mostly, I hate the guilt and depression that follow. I swear I'll never touch it again and then a couple days later, we are back at it. I don't know what to do.
Advice would be good right now. I'm sure you are all shaking your head wondering how I could be so stupid. I deserve that.
A few months ago, I was so entangled in what he was doing, where he was and if he was going to kill himself. One night, I fell hard. I slit my wrists and wound up in the pshych ward. I loved him so much and I couldn't imagine my life without him. I was so depressed from thinking he was going to kill himself that I ended up losing myself in him. I was becoming a horrible mom and didn't really like myself. I got help.
We moved in together and everything seemed to be going fine. Now, the worst has happened.
I was an enabler, as much as I hated to admit it. In one of my enabling events, my world turned upside down. Now, instead of an enabler, I am writing to you as an addict. A cocaine addict.
We have spent so much money. We have so much to lose. I don't know what to do. I can't go into rehab because I will lose my job and with the economy the way it is, I definitely wouldn't be getting another one anytime soon. It has not gotten to the point where I steal or sell my stuff but if I keep going, I'm sure it would.
I love cocaine. I love the way I feel when I do it. But I also hate cocaine. I hate the way it takes all of our money. I hate the way I'm an addict instead of the mother I should be. I hate the way it separates him and I because we are each so busy doing stuff that we end up not spending time with each other. And mostly, I hate the guilt and depression that follow. I swear I'll never touch it again and then a couple days later, we are back at it. I don't know what to do.
Advice would be good right now. I'm sure you are all shaking your head wondering how I could be so stupid. I deserve that.
Can someone help me??
Last night was hell. I knew I couldn't drink because of taking Antabuse. I had a very busy day of head & house cleaning and thought with only a couple days sobriety I could wear myself out physically to finally be able to sleep. Laid in that bed and my mind was spinning and my body couldn't relax. Couldn't focus even on one thought except what a waste my life has amounted to. Self loathing and memories (many of them) of being a failure and not being able to follow through with continuity in my life. The broken relationships and the time lost from boozing it up --- everything negative ran ramped in my mind. I don't know if I'll ever feel good about myself when I can't even face myself in the mirror -- really seeing me. I know the facades and wear them well but inside I am screaming!!! The pretty face that used to turn heads is now hard to even lift and look someone in the eye. I want this to get better but it seems like a nightmare that will never go away. I know you've felt this way too. Please share with me some of your thoughts and experiences so I feel "This Too Shall Pass"....
Another thing.... I just started on this website -- found it by accident. I'm having a hard time navigating through this thing!!! Is there anyone who can give me some step by step directions??? Am I allowed to post my e-mail address and get a someone's phone #??? Probably not. If you can help please let me know! Thanks!:skillet
Another thing.... I just started on this website -- found it by accident. I'm having a hard time navigating through this thing!!! Is there anyone who can give me some step by step directions??? Am I allowed to post my e-mail address and get a someone's phone #??? Probably not. If you can help please let me know! Thanks!:skillet
Depression, Anxiety, early in recovery
I am very early in recovery from Alcohol. This is day 8 for me, been struggling with this for months now. I am putting all I have in me to make it. I so want that 30 day chip. Anyway. To me it is so confusing, is it the quitting drinking that I feel this way, am I that depressed, or anxiety, or combination. How do we figure out exactly what is going on inside of our minds. When I am around people, I seem to be fine, as I was for a couple days this past weekend. I come home and back down I go. I need to find work and don't have the umph to do it. I need to clean and do stuff here, but just do not seem to be able to do anything I need to do. I am on welbutrin and do not beleive it is doing a thing for me. I go see the nurse in a couple weeks and will see about that. People talk about depression, anxiety, bi polar, etc etc. Such confusing stuff when you are feeling you have no clue what is wrong. I have felt horrible bout me for along time and it is not lifting, I feel like I lost that desire to do stuff I need to do. But I am willing and okay to do what I did last weekend. and that was volunteer work. I need a paycheck, husband cut me off...How do I motivate me, get myself out of this rut, In my head I think if I was working making some money I would feel better, but here i am, still not working. Any suggestions appreciated, or anyone whom can connect.
update
Hey everybody,
I started to go through withdrawals and then my excuse was I was in too much pain (I'll explain that in a minute) so I went back out and used. Currently, I'm starting withdrawals again and am waiting to take the subutex. I was told to wait until I had all of the withdrawal symptoms, and I don't have the stomach problems yet. Just yawning, watery eyes, hot/cold sweats. I have several places on my body that I missed or popped veins or something and there are huge welt-like places on both hands, one of my feet, and my arms. I'm seriously limping around and the welts are hot and so painful to the touch that it brings tears to my eyes. This is what sent me back out last time but I am determined to make it and take the subutex. I want to wait until the morning, so I'm sure I will have a sleepless night. I have to go to work tomorrow too, that will be very difficult.
I really hope the subutex works so I don't feel horrible at work. I've been so scared of this process for so long, but really it's just a couple days of feeling bad and then supposedly I will feel fine. I'm going to be so happy to be off heroin, my body is so messed up, I am in so much debt, not to mention I don't get high.
I started to go through withdrawals and then my excuse was I was in too much pain (I'll explain that in a minute) so I went back out and used. Currently, I'm starting withdrawals again and am waiting to take the subutex. I was told to wait until I had all of the withdrawal symptoms, and I don't have the stomach problems yet. Just yawning, watery eyes, hot/cold sweats. I have several places on my body that I missed or popped veins or something and there are huge welt-like places on both hands, one of my feet, and my arms. I'm seriously limping around and the welts are hot and so painful to the touch that it brings tears to my eyes. This is what sent me back out last time but I am determined to make it and take the subutex. I want to wait until the morning, so I'm sure I will have a sleepless night. I have to go to work tomorrow too, that will be very difficult.
I really hope the subutex works so I don't feel horrible at work. I've been so scared of this process for so long, but really it's just a couple days of feeling bad and then supposedly I will feel fine. I'm going to be so happy to be off heroin, my body is so messed up, I am in so much debt, not to mention I don't get high.
