Drug Rehab Options Blog

I've had anxiety practically my entire life. I'm a 21 year old college student and I've been on and off meds and seeing a therapist since I was 15. I'm currently on a low dosage of xanax and wellbutrin(I've been taking both forever, and haven't changed my meds recently), although I would like to get off the wellbutrin.
I have been seeing a great therapist for the past four years. I feel like she helped me more than any drug. But recently I've become incredibly frustrated. Last semester(the fall semester) I was diagnosed with some form of meniere's disease(which gives you crazy vertigo, but I've got it under control pretty well) and all my anxiety came back. I stuck the semester out and got good grades, kept up with my social life, etc. I'm living at home for the first time in 2 years. I kind of made up some bs excuse to my parents about being "burnt out," but the truth is that I have become terrified to go anywhere. Don't get me wrong, I do go places. I force myself too. But the classroom, restaurants, stores, you name it, they all freak me out. I feel that old feeling of panic like I have to *bolt* right then and there. For example, if I go to the grocery store I'm incredibly tempted to drop my stuff and run out. My breathing gets shallow and I feel dizzy.
My therapist says that I'm making process because the "old me" would have bolted. However, if these symptoms of anxiety have been persisting for months and getting worse, I don't feel like I'm "getting better." This is extremely frustrating, as I'm sure so many of you know.
I didn't really admit to myself how anxious I've been and how bad I'm feeling until a couple of days ago. I'm trying not be hard on myself for moving back home and cutting back on some school clubs etc, but I am disappointed in myself. I start classes tomorrow and although I am psyched about what I'm taking I'm so afraid of getting dizzy.
My questions are... do you think my therapist is right? and what do you do to treat that "I have to bolt" feeling(not a panic attack, per se, just anxiety when you feel trapped).
thanks! and my sincere, freaking *love* goes out to the rest of you with anxiety. I usually go about four months free from it(heaven!) and then it comes back to bite me.

This phrase has been going through my head constantly over the last couple of days. Maybe it's part of my OCD (recurring thoughts/phrases going over and over in my head) but it's really starting to make sense to me in my recovery.

I don't even know where the phrase came from or what it exactly means (haven't Googled it yet, which is very unusual for me!) but as I read posts and re-visit my own personal drunk-alogue and hear people telling very simple stories in very complicated ways, I understand what it means.
It's not who or what or how it happened, my disease/dysfunction/disorder (or whatever we like to call addiction) simply *is*.

Does this make any sense to anyone? Sorry, I'm very sleep-deprived today and I'm pretty loopy right now.

LD

A couple of days ago my sister in law called and wanted to go out to dinner. I didn't want to go but new my husband wanted to go so I said yes. I couldn't believe I got dressed put make up on I stay in the house mostly only going out for food shopping. Don't want to talk about my son's death to anyone but the people here you all understand and I don't think the family does if they have not had any addiction problems. Well I am glad I went took my mind off of my problems and found out about everyone in the family and how they were doing. My husband's sister is griefing too over Jason. We met some other family their that were already eating they come out into hall to see me and my husband. They have a son on drugs. Just looking at Betty I could see the tears and she saw mine. She knew she could be in my place crying everyday over her son. We didn't say much but hello and hugged but I could see she was thinking that could have been me. Her son is on Methodone and so is his wife. I made it the whole time without any big crying and I am proud of myself for having self control.
Maybe I'll get out again sometime.
Love ya,
Maggie

Hello,
I am not sure if I just perpetually abuse alcohol or am an alcoholic, either way I want to stop.
I think it is linked to stress, I get stressed I drink, mind you sometimes I feel good so I drink, or tied so I drink.
I have done so many silly things while drunk. Is it the drink or just my stupidity released by the drink? It came close to ending my marriage eighteen months ago, and I got in fight over nothing a couple of days ago that could have ended my career.
Whatever, even after a bottle of wine I still want more and usually add another bottle of wine or some spirits.
I have stopped for 2 days, part of me still wants a drink and I have lost my appetite for food but no shakes.
I stopped for six months last year but started Sept again, this time!
Thanks for listening.
Thanks,
Rob

This will be the 1 st. Christmas with out my boy. My husband and I have been talking about him all day. We went for food today all we could say Jason liked this Jason liked that, he really could be eating if he were here. We give and get our Christmas Presents on Christmas eve we could hear him saying can I have mine now since he was grown we gave him clothes and money. He also got money from my mum (She died last year) and he got money from my sister. I hope to God he wasn't buying drugs with it. Last year I think he was clean. On Christmas day he and his son would allways go to my sister's with his gram for dinner.
Don't get me wrong I went through all the bad stuff to the stealing, lieing and all that goes with addiction. But he was my heart and I miss him so much I just pray that God picked death for him because things were not going to get any better to save him from himself. He loved his gram and pap so he is spending Christmas with them in heaven. I am trying to get my act together I have to live without him and I am trying.
I am not a drinker and I hate beer but a couple of days ago their was nothing to drink so I drank a beer the nexted day I drank another one everyday I drank 1 untill they were gone I know this has to stop reading how things can go from their. Since they are gone have no need for one I just needed a cold drink I will keep the soda in the frig.
I am not going to have a Happy Christmas this year but I hope everyone here does so Happy Holidays all!!!!
God Bless you
Maggie:Xmas2

Hi, I haven't posted in a couple of days...I've been attending a lot of meetings and been busy with Holiday stuff, etc...Now, again, it is Friday night, my husband is working and I am home with my daughters...I most likely would be drinking by now and have such a taste for wine, I can't tell you! I got through a couple of dinners this week no problem, but here at home alone...with the girls...is excruciating!! I guess I just needed to get that out. Reading other's stories is helping a little, but I am so anxious right now!!:Xmasbah

I have posted just a couple of times on SR, and have found that the feedback is helping me. I am the one that had her son taken from her due to the abf. I am trying to get my son back, just have to jump through the CPS hoops which I am doing. This however is not why I am posting again.
My abf left me a week ago to live with his mom until he could get a place of his own. I hadn't talked to him the first couple of days, but he called me and ended up coming over and spending the whole day and night with me. I have to admit it felt good, but it also felt bad. He went back to his new home and we talked a couple times a day until he came over again after work yesterday. He stayed the night and most of today and now is back at home. There is a lot of little things I can tell you all, but I will try to get to the point. He got paid on Monday and he said he would give me some money due to the fact that 1) i have no income due to the loss of my job, & 2) the bills that i have are bills that we had together. When he came over last night, he gave me $150 out of his $500 (estimating) paycheck. That would only cover one of the necessary bills and leave me with no gas money, no money for dog food, and no money for pellets to keep me warm (arctic blast came through). I got hysterical and just let him have it. I didn't understand why he wouldn't help me more with our bills. To find out, his mother made him pay $200 rent for living there. He has lived there before and never required him to pay rent, so I know she is doing it because she doesn't like me and doesn't want him to be with me. I told him that I felt he was just saying "f@*k Stephanie, i don't live here anymore and don't have to worry about what she is going through and has to deal with." **that is what I am upset and confused about, and questioning myself as to why I still want him in my life** I was so upset to the point of getting sick. Well, we talked about it and didn't really solve anything other then he would try to pay more towards the bills when he had the money. I know there is nothing I can do about it, so I just am trying to deal with that situation a day at a time.

My other situation is that since my abf has been living at his moms, he stays off the alcohol, but he comes over here and has to drink. I asked him if I was the reason he drank and he said no that I am not and that he drinks cause he doesn't know how to cope with things. I on the other hand can't help but think that it is "me" or that it is "us" that makes him drink. I asked him why he is this way and he said it was hard to explain and to read the NA book (he previously had a meth addiction). He also told me that he loved me to death and that I was his best friend and lover. That pulled my heart strings. It got me thinking that maybe it was a good thing he moved out cause if he stopped drinking, then maybe there is hope for us and we can be together in the future for life. Then again I think that if he still drinks when he is around me what is not living together going to really change if we start living together again.

As you all can tell by this lengthy (sorry by the way) post, that I am really messed up and really don't know what to do. Yes, I am severely co-dependent, and Yes reading Co-Dependent No More, but I LOVE this man and I KNOW what he is like when he isn't drinking and he is a wonderful man. I want to have hope that we can be and live together again after we both work on the issues we have. Am I hopeless???

My ex fiancee called up his family wants to pay for tickets to have me and the baby come and visit on xmas. First Xmas for her and he just got off of a binge a week ago which involved women, drugs and lots of money spent. (Money spent because we didn't get any and women because his mom said a girl called asking for him a couple of times and drugs because he avoided me for a couple of days and sounded burnt when I did talk to him) He never gave me any excuse for running away and leaving. Now he moved back in to his parents and wants us to visit? I know its crazy and shouldn't even affect me and of course I got of the phone in tears because he made me feel like a horrible person for not wanting to spend xmas with them and open her presents his mom bought. My mom would not let me live here if she knew I went there and she would be crushed to miss my first xmas with teh family in years not to mention baby girls first one. I am so distrought because a little part of me wants to be selfish and hook up with him for a weekend to convince him what he lost and make him see but I know that would never be the case. He is accusing me of sabotaging any future for our "family" and that even though he lives at home has no money and is still using is somehow a good catch? What is wrong with me I know we have only been apart a month or two but what the heck is wrong? Why can't I keep to my no contact rule? Why do I keep getting suckered in to believe he loves me. I know he doesn't even love himself right now. What do I do?

I drink to excess, which is to say that I binge. I got a couple of days, maybe a week or two without drinking, but when I do drink I do not have the ability to stop until I'm wasted. Yesterday, my wife mentioned that I smelled like alcohol. I hadn't had a drink in about 3 days, so I told her that. Then, when she came home today, she said the same thing. Keep in mind I STILL hadn't had a drink! Now I've been binging for quite some time...ever since college, which was about 12 years ago. Is the fact that I smell like booze even having not drank for days a sign of a more serious problem?

I've been very positive about my desire to quit drinking for the past couple of days...I think because physically I was feeling great. Tonight, my husband has to work so I couldn't go to a meeting...Now, my thoughts turn to-I can just have one??? I know that I can't and I won't tonight-one day at a time, but I guess I'm just feeling depressed and a little angry that I can't just have one. It's just been a stressful day...my usual m.o. would be to have a few (or more) drinks...

Just a hard day! I'm glad I have a place like this to come and share!!