Drug Rehab Options Blog

It might just eb me..But is anyone else having to click onn things again. Like I will click to post reply. And it runs down at the bottom a countdown of items remaining then wont post and I will have to click it again. And when I want to click on the top limks to certain forums..I have to click again. Sometimes I have to click to another page here to get into User CP or Chat..If I am just in a certain area of the forums it wont do naything. But if I click say Newcomers and change the screeen...the I can go into Those other links. Like User CP ..chat..blog..Anything in that toolbar does that.

It doesnt do it on any other site except this one.
Was juts wondering if anyone else has been experiencing this same thing.

But my computer hasnt been actin right here since the power went out in that ice storm a couple weeks ago. I had Verizon here already and they put a router on my hookup or whatever.

Just wondering.

Hey, I wrote about this in the HIV thread and figured I should just start another one.

My first issue is this: I got off heroin about 4 weeks ago now (!!!!!) and I was supposed to be on subs just to control the withdrawal and I was supposed to taper off within a couple weeks of starting them. Then I just didn't do it cause I "didn't want to have any withdrawal over the holidays" and now I've been on 8 mg a day for a few weeks and only have about 15 pills left. I am scared to get off them entirely because I don't entirely trust myself to not do dope, though I don't think it's necessarily think it's healthy to be using subs as a crutch like that. I've definitely heard not to stay on subs for 6 months or whatever, but I'm really scared that I'm going to relapse. I haven't had bad cravings for heroin but there's been a few times I think if I knew where to get it in Atlanta I might have but I always think "well I'm on subs, it would be pointless", so I don't. What are your thoughts on that?

Also, I have been drinking, smoking a little weed, and taken a little valium here, nothing excessively, but obviously it's not a good pattern. Do you think moving to Asheville where I don't know anyone and being a full time student in a couple weeks is a stupid idea? My family and I just don't know what to do because I'm supposed to be living in an apartment there and they think I should be in sober living, which I refuse to do again even though I really do want to be sober. My other options are staying in Atlanta with them and working or something but I'm already 24 and only have 57 credits and I just feel so behind. I know I haven't been sober the last few months but I really have been in sober living for about a year and a half of my life and I really can't do it anymore. I am very conflicted and I have to make up my mind within a couple days about where I'll be living and everything. What do you guys think?

Life is crazy. And I don't get back here as often as I should. Between work and medical problems...life goes fast. But I needed to vent. A couple weeks ago my daughter decided to go see her father. She had not seen him in 6 years. She wrote to him about 4 years ago and he responded that he was doing well, was getting married, was teaching Sunday School and was disappointed that HIS daughter would have a child without being married. Well, a year later, she is back out here where he lives. And she wrote him a couple letters and he never responded. However, once a year he sends my parents an old tax bill and asks me to handle this cause it's MY problem. Forgot to mention that shortly after she moved back she asked me to take her to his place. As we went around the corner his back porch was littered with beer cans and she we left. Two weeks ago, however, she decided to go see him with her boyfriend and her daughter. He answered the door and said he was the man she was looking for. And she said.."do you know who I am." He said no and she said she was his daughter. He immediately replied.."No you aren't. I have NEVER been married." She then informed him he also had a son. And he said again.."No, I have never been married." She started to cry and he told her he'd have to ask his doctor cause he'd been in an accident. Now this man has one DRAMA after another. He has ALWAYS been the victim. Blamed me for leaving and he didn't know why. Even though because of him we were on the news when he kidnapped me and put a gun to my head and a SWAT team had to rescue me in 1997. I have tried not to trash this man in front of my daughter because I know how close they once were. And this hurts me to see her hurt. First, I wanted to send him copies of the birth certificates. And our divorce papers. But then I thought...why drag this out. For some reason he is doing this to her. However, it would hurt less if he had just said to her...you have wanted nothing to do with me the 3 years you've been back...why now? I thought it wouldn't bother me...but it does. How could somebody be so heartless, so cruel to do that? Or has he lost his mind? He's now 66 and probably not in the best of shape. Only thing that bothers my daughter is that if he TRULY had amnesia wouldn't he asks questions? Wouldn't he be curious about why she was claiming this or to find out if he did have a family? And what about things he has from his past life. I just don't believe him. But it still hurts that he could do this to her.

Hi everyone,

I've been reading posts on here for quite some time, but finally decided to join today. Ok, so I have a question. What if you know you need to stop drinking, you realize it's a problem, but you're not quite at the point of wanting it enough to stop?? That's where I'm at right now. I know I'm an alcoholic. No one is really hurt by it except me. I usually just drink at home. My husband's job has moved us 1000's of miles away from both of our families, so no one knows the extent of my drinking. We have no children, & my husband travels a lot for his job. Right now he's been away from home for a couple weeks & won't be home for a few more days. We both drink, but he has no idea how much I drink when he's not around. I've read it many times on here before that you have to want to stop more than you want to continue drinking, but I don't think I'm there yet. I don't want to be judged on this website. I just need people to talk to to help get me to that point. I want to be honest that I'm still drinking. I guess I just want to know, how do you get to the point where you REALLY want to stop??? I really just want to be able to talk to people & post until I get to that point, so please don't judge me that I haven't stopped yet. Thanks for listening.

I've got so much to write about and have been putting it off. I'll give you a forewarning: this may come across as long and whiney, but I'm not going to edit it because I just need to get it off my mind.

I don't know what it is about me, or what is going on in my life, but I just feel like I am constantly being tested. I am a rather civil person, I am college educated, I keep my cool, I am kind to others, communicate well, and believe I have good morals and a good charisma. What has happened to me recently is beyond my comprehension and I need to share. The first and foremost thing is that my girlfriend (who I still own and live in a house with) broke up with me. (This happenned exactly 4 days before I lost my job- and I have not been able to find one since). We had been on the rocks for some time to be fair. Well one day we were all hanging out at a bar and my friend and I decided to go home- she didn't come home and ended hooking up with a supposed friend of mine. She has been dating him since (this happenned in July). I didn't find out til almost a month later and she didn't break up with me until a couple weeks later (after I brought her home flowers, champagne, and a hand written love note). Now we have to sell the house in the worst economy in my lifetime. We share it with a roommate- her best friend from high school. This guy used to be in love with her, and I've always considered him to be a snake in the grass. He has actually tried to hit on her in the last couple of years. He's never been on my side, and I've never trusted or felt comfortable with him. Before he lived with us we had a family live with us (Sean, his wife Tik and his son). They lived with us for 14 months and were awful, we basically had to kick them out. Most or all of these people, including my neighbors have turned on me. I was contemplating living with a group of friends for a few months that Sean is now living with, and he turned on me and said this was the worst living situation of his life (which is hard to believe considering he has lived with thiefs and drug dealers). I simply made him follow rules that were not customary to him- such as not letting the cats out, not letting his kid eat in the living room, etc. I was pretty much over this, and dealing with the break up, then I got dealt another blow. My neighbors, who are huge fans of my music invited me over for my birthday a couple of weeks ago. Their son, Brett, plays and we have played several times together and I have urged him to do open mics with me, etc. Well I was drunk on my birthday, but no more drunk than anyone else. Brett called me an "ass hole" for not letting me play with him. It took me by surprise as I'm not much of a spot light person to begin with, and have only played when asked. Like I said, I was very taken back by this but he told me nevermind and I thought it would blow over. I brought it up a few days later in kind of a snide way, "remember when you called me an ******* the other night?". Well it escalated because he denied it, and it made me very angry. Then my roommate Jeff (my exes friend from high school) jumped in and ganged up on me and said that he didn't call me that he called me something else. This was during my last night of drinking, a date that I had already set. I told them to bring out the video camera and record this so that there wouldn't be any more confusion. I kind of gave him a hard time, and it was video recorded (it was a bit tongue in cheek), but I was upset. A week later my neighbor Brett calls me and wants to hang out, but I've got a date. She ended up sleeping downstairs, and they partied all night at my house and were wrestling on the floor, playing loud music. I went upstairs and asked them to turn the volume down, and my roommate got very belligerent, I told him this is my house and I make the rules in a very angry tone. I had not been drinking this night, but they were very drunk. They also played the video tape of me that night, I could hear it from below (I thought this was all in fun games). To be honest at this point, I was mostly upset with my roommate, who I don't trust and seems to be out to get me. I told my ex that I think he should live somewhere else and that he's been taking advantage of her and us for years (he still owes almost $3000 in back rent).

The next thing that happened took me by total surprise. My neighbor's mom, Sandy, knocked on our door and asked for a beer. I and my roommate answered the door at the same time, this women used to love me and every time I saw her she would give me a big hug and tell me as much. She's been to several of my gigs and is very enthusiastic about my music. When we got upstairs, I noticed that she wasn't really talking to me. She was just talking to my roommate, she then invited him and only him to come over this last Thursday and then she left. I was in shock. I was very hurt, and was tempted to send her a text letting her know how rude I thought that was. But I refrained, I remember my mom would always tell me to take the high road as a child in these manners, that is what I did. I didn't react. On Thursday I came home (I kind of expected them to come and invite me over)- they never did. They had the party without me. I spent Thursday on this board, and googling anger managment tips and how to deal with these situations. I worked very hard at being forgiving and patience, I wasn't going to react. I felt a lot better Friday and Saturday, I drove by them and she looked very upset. Then the snow hit on Sunday, and I have been stranded here. They have been hanging out and partying next door since, and haven't said a word to me. I've been deeply upset and hurt, and at this moment I can hear them all laughing and having a good time. I was downstairs working on my music today, trying to deal with this the best I could, I decided to take a walk in the snow to cool the nerves. I noticed they had made a crude object out of snow and put it on my car. When I got home I decided on the advice I got on the internet, that I was going to write Sandy a letter, and not send it. It basically said that I wanted them to know how hurt and upset I was and that I felt ganged up on at a time when I need people most, and I didn't know why they were doing this to me. I said she had a lot of nerve to come over to my house and invite my roommate over while ignoring me. That I have always been supportive of Brett and his music, about him calling me an *******, I also said if I gave them the wrong impression and that I was drunk, I apologize and my door is still open for friendship. I felt so emotional when I wrote it, that I decided to just give it to them. I walked next door with an envelope in my hand and Angel (the husband) were walking outside with Brett and I told Angel to give it to Sandy (I addressed the letter to both Sandy and Brett).
Again, I kind of expected closure and for them to call me, say something???

Nothing, now my roommate is over there and they are partying, I can hear them right now. This isn't going to be handled by me without some sort of outlet, it's not going to go away. I am very angry and very hurt right now, and it's the accumulation of several things that have happened to me. I haven't felt this raw since I was 16 and a bunch of my friends turned on me and started bullying and harrassing me. I don't want my anger to get the best of me, I need some advice. I am stranded in this house because of the snow, so I can't really even get out, which sucks because that's exactly what I would do. I feel I am in a prison of rage, and I am besides myself. If any one has any advice on how to outlet my anger and deal with this in a dignified manner, please help. I've got no one close to turn to right now, the closest thing in my life has also abandoned me. That's the other thing, I came home Saturday and she was just leaving here with her new boyfriend. I feel like breaking things right now, I am not going to drink but I don't know how much more I can take to be honest. I can't believe of what's become of my life, this is just ridiculous. I don't how people can be so unconscientous and cold, I really am besides myself right now.

I just wanted to share my thought with everyone today. I have been reading and posting now- for a couple weeks and going through my personal issues with my abf for 2 yrs now, (in the relationship 3)

I'M GOING TO START BY SAYING.... I AM FINALLY LEARNING BECAUSE OF SR

This past week I have read sheer horror stories, and I am going to be honest with some of the thoughts that have run through my head.... (and I mean it with all due respect, love, and careing.)

I have thought THESE ARE RANDOM EXAMPLES... "my god, this person is stealing from her checkbook and she still doesn't know what to do?? " or "holly molly, this person is shooting up, sleeping with others, doing heroin, meth, pill, coke" ..... and how come their partner STILL dosen't know what to do?? Or I have thought, "he just got out of jail, is drinking /useing/ has a restraining order on him from his ex". And the partner STILL dosen't know what to do?????

I don't say these things normally, I just try to be sympathetic, and compassionate, and I mean that. HOWEVER, what I realized and LEARNED here from SR is this......

No wonder why my friends in HAPPY non-dysfunctional, non-toxic relationships say to me "what the heck is wrong with you??? why don't you just throw him out."

After reading here- even I started to think- "hey my bf isn't that bad, he's never been in jail, he pays his bills, he has a job, he isn't cheating, hes' not shooting up..... he just has a pill prob. its not THAT bad"

Well friends, now I know, yea, it IS that bad. My friends who do have normal loveing relationships must think I'm nuts, and wonder how come I have stuck around for so long.... because I DESERVE MUCH BETTER.....

So does everyone else here.... no one should have to sit around and take this kind of emotional abuse. No one should have to cry, inside and out, wondering/waiting/wishing things would change......

We all have to know, that indeed - change is only about changing ourselves (the way we think, the way we should truely know we are beautiful loving people who deserve peace, love, and serenity).

Life is to short - to not live everyday. We all say we are living..... but if we are living (WAITING, HOPEING, ENABLEING).... what kind of life is that??

We deserve more.

Hugs to everyone who has helped me in understanding this-
Prayers to everyone who needs help in seeing this....
Love,
Cessy

I am an alcoholic....there I finally said it to someone. I never realised it until a little while ago, but it seems thats what I am. Worst off all I got out of the habit of drinking and this past couple weeks I managed to get back into it. I am really upset with myself for what I have done.

A little history.

I suffer from chronic fatigue syndrome. This is partly respobsible for my alcoholism as it saps you of all of your energy. I turned to drink -specifically beer- as a pick me up and as a way of dealing with the constant feeling of exhuastion. However the drink has stayed with me on and off. The problem is that since I was a teenager I have always binge drank ever couple weeks or so, and more so as the years went on and my tolerance grew. I am now 31.

Last year everything snowballed. I start drinking more regularly after a period of living on my own. Then I became exhuasted and had a CFS attack in August 2007 where I couldn't get home without having about 6 drinks to give me the energy to do so. Since then things have been a struggle. The worst of it was shortly after when I totally descended into oblivion. I ended up drinking one and a half bottles of vodka a day and I became severely adicted and pretty much unable to do anything. Life was a struggle and unenjoyable. Drinking was not pleasurable because the feeling of illness was so bad that I really struggled to cope with any moments of sobriety. I would frequently pass out and no remember the previous day.

However, since summer this year I was beginning to get a hold of things, so much so that in recent times I have gone on a cycle of drinking, feeling rough and then coming out of it once I thought I'd had too much and then going a week, on and off, without the drink. As time was going on my energy was coming back more and more. I felt that my life was coming back but that I could handle a few drinks now and again. Usually when I do drink its just a number of beers, which is more than tolerable and generates an easy withdrawl. However, the last time around I managed to drink 5 bottles of wine in two days and that left me with not only a nasty hangover, but it left me with weak arms and legs, which in turn led to depression. This is usually the first sign of a CFS period. I was desperate to sort things out and got by for a few days without drinking until Thursday when I made up a meeting so that I could get out of the office and down to the pub for a pint. 7 pints, a bottle of wine and a treble whiskey later and I went to bed. The Friday was a similar affair, although this time I ended up drinking vodka, beer and brandy. This was a turning point as it had been the first time that I had turned to spirit drinks out of choice. That was a bad sign that things were going to go downhill.

I had the worst hangover and withdrawl on Saturday than I think I'd had in a year. I have been struggling since then. The anxiety has dropped off a bit, so much so that I am in work today. By the fatigue, weakness and depression are worse than they have been for a long time. I feel right now as if I can't function, as if I won't make it home and like I am ready to die. This feels like the end. I have promised myself that from now on I will only drink on special occasions (such as Christmas Day). I will otherwise be off the drink. However, I am desperate to get back to that feeling of normality I had a few weeks ago. I have even thought about going out for a couple pints right now as a way of easing myself off the booze. My drinking so far has been thus:-

Saturday - A large brandy
Sunday - 6 bottles of alcohol free lager (which says no more than 0.05% alcohol on it so it must still have some booze in it) & a few squirts of Barts Rescue Remedy spray on the tongue - which is flowers suspedned in a brandy like fluid - you don't get much through the spray - but its still booze).
Today - so far nothing, although I have been drinking so much water and herbal tea to compensate that I've already made five trips to the loo since getting to work.

I hid Friday and Saturday's drinking from my fiancé out of shame.

I'm not sure whether or not to treat this as day 1 or day 2 of withdrawl, but I think day 2 judging by the slight improvement (I would not have been able to go to work on Saturday he it been an office day). I know I need to bear it through, but this is by far the worst I've had in a long time...and I know its down to the Brandy and vodka - they affect me far worse than wine and especially beer. I'm not sure if I can manage. This one is the last one as my fiancé has basically told me to give up the booze or give up her. I just can't contemplate the latter so I have to be strong and listen to my logic over my body.

Anyhow, I signed up here in the hope that there may be some people who have felt like this before and can try and help me through. I can't really tell anyone how I feel so I was hoping I might find some friends on here who could help me through this. :sad2:

I am very early in recovery from Alcohol. This is day 8 for me, been struggling with this for months now. I am putting all I have in me to make it. I so want that 30 day chip. Anyway. To me it is so confusing, is it the quitting drinking that I feel this way, am I that depressed, or anxiety, or combination. How do we figure out exactly what is going on inside of our minds. When I am around people, I seem to be fine, as I was for a couple days this past weekend. I come home and back down I go. I need to find work and don't have the umph to do it. I need to clean and do stuff here, but just do not seem to be able to do anything I need to do. I am on welbutrin and do not beleive it is doing a thing for me. I go see the nurse in a couple weeks and will see about that. People talk about depression, anxiety, bi polar, etc etc. Such confusing stuff when you are feeling you have no clue what is wrong. I have felt horrible bout me for along time and it is not lifting, I feel like I lost that desire to do stuff I need to do. But I am willing and okay to do what I did last weekend. and that was volunteer work. I need a paycheck, husband cut me off...How do I motivate me, get myself out of this rut, In my head I think if I was working making some money I would feel better, but here i am, still not working. Any suggestions appreciated, or anyone whom can connect.

My youngest daughter, age 26 going on 10, just stormed out of the house and left her 6 month old here saying she didn't want her anymore. Of course, first she had to tell me how heartless I was and it was no wonder my middle daughter is an addict the way I treat them. (I know she didn't mean the daughter part.)

Youngest is close to being an alcoholic, like her dad, and I know I can't help that. She has anger issues that are beyond belief, thinks the world should revolve around her, and is incapable of holding jobs for long because she treats people like dirt. She hooked up with a diehard alcoholic and it's been love, hate, live together, move out, for the last 4 years or so. Last time she lived with us it was to get a new start, blah, blah, blah and all she did was make a mess and chase bf around. When she left to move back in with him my husband said she was never allowed to move back in or he would leave. He means it. She has also moved in with her oldest sister a couple times and has done the same thing, sister also says no more. BF isn't physically abusive but his words cut likes knives, sends her into a fury and she is the one who most often reacts physically.

Of course into all this she has to bring a baby. Beautiful little girl and is one of the happiest babies I've ever had. She is precious. When daughter was pregnant she was still on SSI and had to take some counseling classes and they really helped. She was talking about some college courses and was getting some self-esteem. She had to give up SSI when she moved in with boyfriend and signed off services for a year. Now bf is on a tangent that he wants nothing to do with her anymore. Wants her out of the apartment (this is partly her fault in so that she had to go and get drunk a couple weeks ago and do nothing but fight and so on) and yet he tells her she can stay for the baby's sake and then treats her like dirt and makes ugly remark all night. She says she can't take it anymore and needs to get out and she's losing her mind.

So now tonight, I'm heartless because I won't let her move in here and give up my husband for my own daughter, the one I gave birth to. That I don't care about the h##l she is living in. I won't even give her hugs, (used to but then she say I don't want hugs I need help) can't win in that department. She has no girlfriends because they can't stand her for long. She's some one you just can reason with. Said she's not going to work tomorrow (she works 2 days a week at Dollar General), she's quitting and leaving town. I just kinda sat there through the tirade and that ticked her off so she slammed out the door.

I don't know what to do. I do feel kinda heartless and I feel trapped. I'm mad that she doesn't ever attack her dad, who moved back in with his mother and could perfectly well share an apartment with her, and he just gets to drift along with none of this. I've told her to go to the women's shelter uptown and that really made her blow. Almost wish I had that one on film.

Right now my anxiety is so high I think I'm having a heart attack. I guess I just needed someone to talk to. My hubby just doesn't want to hear it anymore.

Hi all,
I've been reading the threads for a couple weeks now without posting, and like most people that find this site, I'm really struck by how similar other people's stories are to mine. I wish I'd found this even sooner!
No need to go into too much detail of my sister's story I guess, since its so much like all the others: troubled teenaged years, then 20s filled with the same sad stories of drugs, stealing, lying, lost friends, losing apartments, the late night calls for money, etc. She was never exactly a model citizen, but it was oxy and percs that really threw her life into a tailspin.
Knowing what a hellraiser she was growing up with her, I just always assumed her chaotic lifestyle was just her..and that eventually she'd just grow out of it. I'm the closest sibling to her, so over the years I've known more and also had her confide more than even my parents.
It wasn't until this past Xmas when she was arrested for forging oxy prescriptions that I clued in to what was really going on. I've been having a crash course in all of this ever since. A month after that she was arrested a second time for exactly the same thing.
Ever since then I thought she was on the right track. She has an incredibly patient and understanding bf who had his own issues in the past and wasn't immediately scared off (though he told me some hair raising stories of theft and lies), she got into a program with a doctor who deals both in the physical and mental issues of addiction, and when in her right mind is actually very good at her job and could go places. My parents, who have had the worst of all of this over the years, are tentatively hopeful and I try to keep her stumbles from them (I'm in the same city as her, they aren't).

Things have got a bit bad again the last month, and here is where my questions about supporting her come in. I got a sense things were going off the rails a bit over small things: not at work when I'd drop by, "lost purse" requiring urgent money, things like that. Then her bf called me and said the lying and missing work and thefts had started again. He was seriously thinking of starting to distance himself from this, which has been my biggest fear all along because he's the biggest source of stability in her life. Addiction aside, our family knows she is a handful so have always tried to help and support them.
I took her aside over thanksgiving weekend and said (without trying to hurl accusastions, which just gets her defensive) that her bf and I had real concerns with her behaviour lately and were afraid she was losing the progress she'd made. Though she did get tearful and defensive, she admitted she'd stopped seeing the doctor (couldn't keep up with the fees) and had taken "a few" of the percs or oxys again though "not like before". I told her I would take care of the outstanding doctor's fees, plus if she was willing to have me go with her I'd attend every weekly counselling session with her and split the ongoing costs.
She agreed to that (and the doctor is agreeable), but the doctor is away for next two weeks. Until then I'm trying to keep her on the rails. I'm calling often, have offered to help get her into my gym, went over for our own thanksgiving dinner, dropping by work to say hi (and relieved to find her there). I'm more optimistic than I was even a week ago, though its not all perfect (she took off somewhere tonight without calling her bf to let him know where she is).
From what I've read here, I know I can't "make" her get her act together, but I hope that I can add some supports (going to her meetings, getting her doing things like the gym, hiking, etc, and making her feel more involved in the family) that will help her help herself, and take some pressure off her bf.
I guess that was a long post, but there are no quick easy stories about addicts, are there?