Archive for the ‘Courage’ tag
A Letter to my EXAGF
I have drafted the following letter to my EXAGF as an attempt to have her see what her addiction has done and is doing to her. I have no illusions that this will have any impact but I feel I must
1) acknowledge her addiction and
2) confront her on it.
I think this will give me the ability to move forward a bit.
As a note We never had this conversation. I can only think of two times when it "came up" and it was only discussed for minutes and brushed under the rug and we moved on. However, when it was "over" it ended real quick with little conversation, all that was ever said was we don't fit and its over.
I have a previous post which has more background so I will not post again. "Contact with my EXAGF" (will not let me post the link)
Is sending this letter even a good idea?
I've thought about sending a copy to her mother as well. Thoughts?
What do you think of the letter itself? I tried to put the "ball in her court" because it is and detach but... The "Ted" i refer to in the letter is a HS EXABF who last spring killed someone in a car accident while high and is waiting to go to prison (trial any day now and open and closed case sorry I know inocent until proven). "Ted" has been an addict since HS and has been in and out of rehab (never in recovery mode). Even after he killed someone he was arrested again for selling Vicos. So I guess I looking for shock factor.
All thoughts, feelings etc are welcome (be harsh its okay).
Thanks - Life
___________________________________________
Hey You & ?You?,
I hope your holidays were good and new years went well. I?m writing for one reason and one reason only, and that reason is ?YOU?. I know you?re thinking this is going to be some impassioned plea for you to return to my life but surprise, it?s not.
I am writing because we have never had a conversation (a real conversation) about this subject. I never had the courage to address this with you and even if I did it probably would have brought an end to our relationship even sooner. You can deny your problem, call me names, and hate me if you want, but save your energy you?re going to need it. Know I?m writing out of LOVE, RESPECT, and HOPE for YOU, from my heart. I would be half the man I am if I did not this write letter. As a father I hope someone would do this for "Life's Son" if he were in trouble.
I know the reason you ended this relationship was because of a disease called addiction. I?m not sure if this was your intended outcome or if I was merely a casualty but never the less what happened, happened. I believe at the beginning of our relationship you where a recreational user of pills and coke. I also think this has been a battle you have been wagging for some time. When you met ?the most special man to ever touch your life? you either stopped using or cut back quite a bit. This was proven by statements from your mother like ?Life, I have to say thank you for treating EXAGF so well, I have not seen her this happy in some time now.? Maybe it wasn?t me that was making you happy but being clean(er) was, but you where happy and could smile. You showed me how wonderful and loving a person EXAGF IS. As time went by you began to use more often all the while hiding this growing problem from me and becoming unhappy. Once you could no longer hide your habit from me the ?obstacle? to your ?happiness? needed to go. You gave up so much, so easily, for so little in return. Instead of throwing me out of your life you could have asked me for help. True love does not give up!! Sometimes all it takes is a little push and support from a loved one. You could have seen the meaning of true love which by the way equals true happiness!
It saddens me when such a beautiful person falls off track and is too proud to ask for help. This is not High School anymore; this is the real world with real consequences, just ask Ted what these substances have done to him. While you?re at it ask him what they have done for him. I can?t make you get help or snap my fingers and make your addiction go away, you have to want a better life for yourself and for the people who love you. Don?t think for a second that this disease is only affecting you because it is not, it is affecting every aspect of your life (friends, family, colleagues, clients; past, present and future). I guess the question you have to ask yourself ?Is this the life I want for myself?? Without HOPE and FAITH what do we have? When I meet you, you had a HOPE and FAITH wrist band maybe it?s time to dust it off?
True happiness is not found at the bottom of a bottle or in a little white powder. You have nothing to be ashamed of, this disease kills thousands and effects millions. It?s how we respond to the adversity that will define our lives. I?ve told you before and I will tell you again, that THE MOST SPECIAL MAN TO EVER TOUCH YOUR LIFE is NOT done touching your life. I pray for you on a daily basis and will continue to do so. If this is the only way I can ?touch? your life that?s okay. But know I am your biggest cheerleader and supporter for your recovery and the future that awaits you. If you need to call upon your biggest cheerleader; today, tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, because you?re ready to HELP YOURSELF but need support I will be here. I do not have all the answers but do know there is a better way! You were meant to live for so much more!
No Matter How Spoiled our Past May Be, our Future is Spotless!
With all that is good in this world &
all the Love in my Heart,
"Life"
1) acknowledge her addiction and
2) confront her on it.
I think this will give me the ability to move forward a bit.
As a note We never had this conversation. I can only think of two times when it "came up" and it was only discussed for minutes and brushed under the rug and we moved on. However, when it was "over" it ended real quick with little conversation, all that was ever said was we don't fit and its over.
I have a previous post which has more background so I will not post again. "Contact with my EXAGF" (will not let me post the link)
Is sending this letter even a good idea?
I've thought about sending a copy to her mother as well. Thoughts?
What do you think of the letter itself? I tried to put the "ball in her court" because it is and detach but... The "Ted" i refer to in the letter is a HS EXABF who last spring killed someone in a car accident while high and is waiting to go to prison (trial any day now and open and closed case sorry I know inocent until proven). "Ted" has been an addict since HS and has been in and out of rehab (never in recovery mode). Even after he killed someone he was arrested again for selling Vicos. So I guess I looking for shock factor.
All thoughts, feelings etc are welcome (be harsh its okay).
Thanks - Life
___________________________________________
Hey You & ?You?,
I hope your holidays were good and new years went well. I?m writing for one reason and one reason only, and that reason is ?YOU?. I know you?re thinking this is going to be some impassioned plea for you to return to my life but surprise, it?s not.
I am writing because we have never had a conversation (a real conversation) about this subject. I never had the courage to address this with you and even if I did it probably would have brought an end to our relationship even sooner. You can deny your problem, call me names, and hate me if you want, but save your energy you?re going to need it. Know I?m writing out of LOVE, RESPECT, and HOPE for YOU, from my heart. I would be half the man I am if I did not this write letter. As a father I hope someone would do this for "Life's Son" if he were in trouble.
I know the reason you ended this relationship was because of a disease called addiction. I?m not sure if this was your intended outcome or if I was merely a casualty but never the less what happened, happened. I believe at the beginning of our relationship you where a recreational user of pills and coke. I also think this has been a battle you have been wagging for some time. When you met ?the most special man to ever touch your life? you either stopped using or cut back quite a bit. This was proven by statements from your mother like ?Life, I have to say thank you for treating EXAGF so well, I have not seen her this happy in some time now.? Maybe it wasn?t me that was making you happy but being clean(er) was, but you where happy and could smile. You showed me how wonderful and loving a person EXAGF IS. As time went by you began to use more often all the while hiding this growing problem from me and becoming unhappy. Once you could no longer hide your habit from me the ?obstacle? to your ?happiness? needed to go. You gave up so much, so easily, for so little in return. Instead of throwing me out of your life you could have asked me for help. True love does not give up!! Sometimes all it takes is a little push and support from a loved one. You could have seen the meaning of true love which by the way equals true happiness!
It saddens me when such a beautiful person falls off track and is too proud to ask for help. This is not High School anymore; this is the real world with real consequences, just ask Ted what these substances have done to him. While you?re at it ask him what they have done for him. I can?t make you get help or snap my fingers and make your addiction go away, you have to want a better life for yourself and for the people who love you. Don?t think for a second that this disease is only affecting you because it is not, it is affecting every aspect of your life (friends, family, colleagues, clients; past, present and future). I guess the question you have to ask yourself ?Is this the life I want for myself?? Without HOPE and FAITH what do we have? When I meet you, you had a HOPE and FAITH wrist band maybe it?s time to dust it off?
True happiness is not found at the bottom of a bottle or in a little white powder. You have nothing to be ashamed of, this disease kills thousands and effects millions. It?s how we respond to the adversity that will define our lives. I?ve told you before and I will tell you again, that THE MOST SPECIAL MAN TO EVER TOUCH YOUR LIFE is NOT done touching your life. I pray for you on a daily basis and will continue to do so. If this is the only way I can ?touch? your life that?s okay. But know I am your biggest cheerleader and supporter for your recovery and the future that awaits you. If you need to call upon your biggest cheerleader; today, tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, because you?re ready to HELP YOURSELF but need support I will be here. I do not have all the answers but do know there is a better way! You were meant to live for so much more!
No Matter How Spoiled our Past May Be, our Future is Spotless!
With all that is good in this world &
all the Love in my Heart,
"Life"
Happy New Year! Don’t anyone give up on yourself!!!
Just checking in and wanted to say that as I did move out back in November and with each day, I am more at peace, find myself in good moods constantly. There is light at the end of the tunnel. I thought my life was doomed and I'd never find a way out or have courage. Me being driven to insanity is what gave me that push that I needed to get out. (I should've left years ago). I have not felt this happy and good in years. I'm thinking since 2001 is the last time I was happy. That was all BEFORE he started doing cocaine.
Sometimes it a leap of faith when you make that jump, but no matter what anyone choses, just don't ever give up on yourself!!!
Happy New Year to everyone!!! (When I think of what I have been through, I feel like I was in the Vietnam War).
Sometimes it a leap of faith when you make that jump, but no matter what anyone choses, just don't ever give up on yourself!!!
Happy New Year to everyone!!! (When I think of what I have been through, I feel like I was in the Vietnam War).
New, want it to stop
Hi,
This is my first post here, i've been lurking on these boards for a month or two and finally decided to post.
I am 21 and I think i'm an alcoholic and definitely an addict in general. I've been drinking daily for a couple months and have yet to work up the courage to go to an AA meeting. There are several right down the street from me.
I've been using drugs since I was maybe 16, and have used essentially every drug under the sun but as of right now I really am having a problem with alcohol. I have a history of alcoholic drinking, though I never realized it until now when I look back. I guess i've just come to realize that I am so sick and tired of living like this and feel like I could be doing so much more with my life instead of fantasizing about doing more while obliterating myself with beer and drugs.
Anyway I just wanted to say hi and introduce myself, I really like these forums and I think that by being active in them I can start taking steps towards recovery.
This is my first post here, i've been lurking on these boards for a month or two and finally decided to post.
I am 21 and I think i'm an alcoholic and definitely an addict in general. I've been drinking daily for a couple months and have yet to work up the courage to go to an AA meeting. There are several right down the street from me.
I've been using drugs since I was maybe 16, and have used essentially every drug under the sun but as of right now I really am having a problem with alcohol. I have a history of alcoholic drinking, though I never realized it until now when I look back. I guess i've just come to realize that I am so sick and tired of living like this and feel like I could be doing so much more with my life instead of fantasizing about doing more while obliterating myself with beer and drugs.
Anyway I just wanted to say hi and introduce myself, I really like these forums and I think that by being active in them I can start taking steps towards recovery.
I want to talk..
... about how damaging it was for me when I was part of a yoga sect and addicted to spiritual practices. I used the practices many many times a day, in an attempt to 'purify' myself and be acceptable to the group.
Anger was frowned upon. I had to suppress my anger.
I was told I wasn't grounded, yet I was desperate to escape myself.
And the practices didn't purify me at all, in fact they stirred up the shadows all the more. Which made me practice all the more.
The sect leaders were way out of their depth with the degree of emotional damage I had. Yet they clung to me, lured me in deeper and deeper, getting me to train as a teacher of their method.
One of the practices is clearly written in the book not to be used by people with 'emotional difficulties'. Despite my, and other members, being clearly emotionally vulnerable noone ever discouraged me or warned me. In fact the most emotionally vulnerable seemed to be the ones drawn into teaching.
I did get some good things from my time with the organisation, don't get me wrong.
But.
It still has the power to make me angry.
And the first ever counsellor I saw, through work for 6 sessions, said she didn't think I needed to be referred onto anyone because I had the yoga group.
Well, 12 years later I can clearly say how very wrong she was. Unless of course she thought I wasn't ready for further help.
But I went from her to having to resign my job [long story, if anyone doesn't mind hearing?] and supply teach. In inner London. Which added further damage, re-traumatisation.
I did eventually get into therapy, and onto medication, and get a healthy job and a safer place to live. And the courage to leave the group and the practices far behind.
And now, with the help of a very good therapist, I am re-framing my relationship with my own spirituality and living closer to the ideals of my heart, growing in compassion and self acceptance.
Anyone else with similar experiences, empathy or understanding?
Anger was frowned upon. I had to suppress my anger.
I was told I wasn't grounded, yet I was desperate to escape myself.
And the practices didn't purify me at all, in fact they stirred up the shadows all the more. Which made me practice all the more.
The sect leaders were way out of their depth with the degree of emotional damage I had. Yet they clung to me, lured me in deeper and deeper, getting me to train as a teacher of their method.
One of the practices is clearly written in the book not to be used by people with 'emotional difficulties'. Despite my, and other members, being clearly emotionally vulnerable noone ever discouraged me or warned me. In fact the most emotionally vulnerable seemed to be the ones drawn into teaching.
I did get some good things from my time with the organisation, don't get me wrong.
But.
It still has the power to make me angry.
And the first ever counsellor I saw, through work for 6 sessions, said she didn't think I needed to be referred onto anyone because I had the yoga group.
Well, 12 years later I can clearly say how very wrong she was. Unless of course she thought I wasn't ready for further help.
But I went from her to having to resign my job [long story, if anyone doesn't mind hearing?] and supply teach. In inner London. Which added further damage, re-traumatisation.
I did eventually get into therapy, and onto medication, and get a healthy job and a safer place to live. And the courage to leave the group and the practices far behind.
And now, with the help of a very good therapist, I am re-framing my relationship with my own spirituality and living closer to the ideals of my heart, growing in compassion and self acceptance.
Anyone else with similar experiences, empathy or understanding?
TOPIC: Changes In Recovery. We All Go Thru Them.
Hi Im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.
By the Grace of my HP and people
like you here in SR I havent found
it necessary to pick up a drink of
alcohol since 8-11-90.
For that and you I am truely grateful.
Changes in recovery. We all go thru them.
I suppose if we didnt have changes
then we wouldnt grow and mature.
For me, Ive gone thru many changes.
Forever shedding another peel of
an onion as it falling off.
Child abuse changed me from a shy
child to one full of fear. Fears and
insecurities handicapped into my
latter teenage yrs when i began
to drink.
That substance called alcohol gave me
courage and strength to face obstacles
in my life i wouldnt normally face with
out it.
A 25 yr marriage with half drinking
the rest sober. Drinking to cope
with a family. Drinking to fill a lonely
void. Drinking to belong.
In Feb. 1990 an accident didnt stop my
addiction nor stop me from trying to
end my miserable life.
Aug. 90 family intervention and a 28
day stay in rehab was another change
in my life. Them doing for me what i
couldnt do for myself.
Many many meetings thereafter. A
geographical move to Tx. for 10 yrs.
A failing marriage as i continued trudging
along the road of recovery, sharing
my experience strenghts and hopes
here and there for anyone to listen.
2006 I moved back to my hometown
leaving my little family in Tx. Kids that
were grown and in college and a husband
not wanting to relocate.
All the prayers and tears and forever
being answered and always being
guided by a Force greater than I
is still molding me and changing me
into an fine tuned instrument.
For the last few yrs. more changes
as my HP placed a person in my
life to share it with. I havent asked
for anything and yet I was blessed
with an awesome gift.......all this
due to turning my will and life
over once again and following
the principles of our wonderful
useful program. To finally recieve
the gift of HONESTY.
Once i achieved that then
FREEDOM as mentioned in
the promised was given to me.
This was another unbelivable
remarkable change in my most
rescent life.
Now for today.....i was let go
from my little job, due to
some unquestionable issues
with management.
This door im saying is closed and
will wait for a new one to open.
What change is about to happen
i wonder. Is it time for me to grow
some more? What does my HP
have in mind for me?
Only time will tell.
Till then, im in good hands.
So many changes and still more
to come.
Share ur changes with us if ud
like.
Thanks for letting me share.
By the Grace of my HP and people
like you here in SR I havent found
it necessary to pick up a drink of
alcohol since 8-11-90.
For that and you I am truely grateful.
Changes in recovery. We all go thru them.
I suppose if we didnt have changes
then we wouldnt grow and mature.
For me, Ive gone thru many changes.
Forever shedding another peel of
an onion as it falling off.
Child abuse changed me from a shy
child to one full of fear. Fears and
insecurities handicapped into my
latter teenage yrs when i began
to drink.
That substance called alcohol gave me
courage and strength to face obstacles
in my life i wouldnt normally face with
out it.
A 25 yr marriage with half drinking
the rest sober. Drinking to cope
with a family. Drinking to fill a lonely
void. Drinking to belong.
In Feb. 1990 an accident didnt stop my
addiction nor stop me from trying to
end my miserable life.
Aug. 90 family intervention and a 28
day stay in rehab was another change
in my life. Them doing for me what i
couldnt do for myself.
Many many meetings thereafter. A
geographical move to Tx. for 10 yrs.
A failing marriage as i continued trudging
along the road of recovery, sharing
my experience strenghts and hopes
here and there for anyone to listen.
2006 I moved back to my hometown
leaving my little family in Tx. Kids that
were grown and in college and a husband
not wanting to relocate.
All the prayers and tears and forever
being answered and always being
guided by a Force greater than I
is still molding me and changing me
into an fine tuned instrument.
For the last few yrs. more changes
as my HP placed a person in my
life to share it with. I havent asked
for anything and yet I was blessed
with an awesome gift.......all this
due to turning my will and life
over once again and following
the principles of our wonderful
useful program. To finally recieve
the gift of HONESTY.
Once i achieved that then
FREEDOM as mentioned in
the promised was given to me.
This was another unbelivable
remarkable change in my most
rescent life.
Now for today.....i was let go
from my little job, due to
some unquestionable issues
with management.
This door im saying is closed and
will wait for a new one to open.
What change is about to happen
i wonder. Is it time for me to grow
some more? What does my HP
have in mind for me?
Only time will tell.
Till then, im in good hands.
So many changes and still more
to come.
Share ur changes with us if ud
like.
Thanks for letting me share.
My First AA Meeting
I went to my first AA meeting last night with my good friend who has also quit drinking. Since he quit a little over a month ago, he's been to several meetings so it was nice to go with him. On this night, he was supporting me. We went to an open speaker meeting at a church in the town I live in, not far from my house. The chance of seeing somebody I know or of being recognized by somebody who knows me was heightened because of this choice, but I went anyway. It was actually really nice. People were friendly, there were good snacks, I enjoyed the stories told by the various speakers. I think I can take a little something from everyone who had the courage to speak and I almost raised my hand to speak but held off, for now.
I got a copy of the Big Book and when they said "...anyone with two months..." I went up in front of the room (about 30 people) and got my two month chip!! People clapped and I got some nice handshakes, it was really very emotional for me. It wasn't scary, or dreadful, or overwhelming as is the case sometimes for newcomers from what I've read. It was actually humbling, and enlightening. I'm glad I went with over months under my belt and not two days. I'm glad I chose to go of my my own free will and that the choice was not made for me. I'm glad I could go with my best friend.
I got a copy of the Big Book and when they said "...anyone with two months..." I went up in front of the room (about 30 people) and got my two month chip!! People clapped and I got some nice handshakes, it was really very emotional for me. It wasn't scary, or dreadful, or overwhelming as is the case sometimes for newcomers from what I've read. It was actually humbling, and enlightening. I'm glad I went with over months under my belt and not two days. I'm glad I chose to go of my my own free will and that the choice was not made for me. I'm glad I could go with my best friend.
Title
I couldn't think of a title.
I don't even know what to say.
I need a therapist, but a therapist cannot change my genetics...cannot change what I look like...
Also, how do you talk to a perfect stranger about embarrassing things? Things that if you told ANYONE, you'd be the butt of all jokes for the rest of your life. How do you muster the courage to get help?
I'll probably call off of work today. This makes two times in a week. I need to do something soon.
I don't even know what to say.
I need a therapist, but a therapist cannot change my genetics...cannot change what I look like...
Also, how do you talk to a perfect stranger about embarrassing things? Things that if you told ANYONE, you'd be the butt of all jokes for the rest of your life. How do you muster the courage to get help?
I'll probably call off of work today. This makes two times in a week. I need to do something soon.
an update from your favorite junkie scotty boy!!!!
hey everybody!!!!!!!!!!! just wanted to check in with you guys. i checked myself into detox on saturday morning and just got out a few hours ago. first thing i did when i checked out was hit up a meeting [ccgirl you better kiss me for that one!!! :) ]
I must say that i actually feel GREAT!!!! i have hope and courage that I will be able to beat this. i am planning to do the 90 in 90 thing and also ask for a sponsor at tomorrows meeting. I quit my part-time job and also took a 6 month leave from my univeristy in order to put 110% into my recovery. It feels so wonderful to have that 500lb gorilla off my back. not waking up every morning planning at what time i can sneak away to get my shot or leave work early to get my shot or worry about how much i have to deal in order to satisfy my habit for the day. I know i am very early in sobriety but i feel wonderful and so optimistic.
You might all be wondering why I didnt go into 30day inpatient but my family and I came to the decision that since i already went throught 30 day inpatient and basically listening during that time and gained the tools needed to stay sober that another stay wasn't essential. I am so glad that I am no longer a slave to the drug of heroin. my veins have healed up, color is back in my face and my mood is generally good for the most part. Thank you everybody for your support and help through these past month and a half (which was the darkest times i have ever experienced)
I will update again tomorrow after my meeting to see if i got a sponsor . much love to everybody and have a wonderful night guys and gals !!!!!!!!!!!!! ~~~ scotty
I must say that i actually feel GREAT!!!! i have hope and courage that I will be able to beat this. i am planning to do the 90 in 90 thing and also ask for a sponsor at tomorrows meeting. I quit my part-time job and also took a 6 month leave from my univeristy in order to put 110% into my recovery. It feels so wonderful to have that 500lb gorilla off my back. not waking up every morning planning at what time i can sneak away to get my shot or leave work early to get my shot or worry about how much i have to deal in order to satisfy my habit for the day. I know i am very early in sobriety but i feel wonderful and so optimistic.
You might all be wondering why I didnt go into 30day inpatient but my family and I came to the decision that since i already went throught 30 day inpatient and basically listening during that time and gained the tools needed to stay sober that another stay wasn't essential. I am so glad that I am no longer a slave to the drug of heroin. my veins have healed up, color is back in my face and my mood is generally good for the most part. Thank you everybody for your support and help through these past month and a half (which was the darkest times i have ever experienced)
I will update again tomorrow after my meeting to see if i got a sponsor . much love to everybody and have a wonderful night guys and gals !!!!!!!!!!!!! ~~~ scotty
1st meeting tonight
Hi everyone
There isn't an ACOA group anywhere near me so I'm going to try AA Family & Friends of Alcoholics. My 1st meeting is tonight, I've been considering it for a couple of years but just plucked up the courage to go, though I am terrified!
I'm going to try this alongside some one on one therapy I've just started.
There's only 1 way to find out but I don't know how much will apply to me. My dad is still an active alcoholic and I'm still in contact with him but I'm at a place where I've pretty much accepted his drinking and now am working on myself and ACOA issues.
Has anyone else been to a similar group as an ACOA? I really don't know what to expect.
There isn't an ACOA group anywhere near me so I'm going to try AA Family & Friends of Alcoholics. My 1st meeting is tonight, I've been considering it for a couple of years but just plucked up the courage to go, though I am terrified!
I'm going to try this alongside some one on one therapy I've just started.
There's only 1 way to find out but I don't know how much will apply to me. My dad is still an active alcoholic and I'm still in contact with him but I'm at a place where I've pretty much accepted his drinking and now am working on myself and ACOA issues.
Has anyone else been to a similar group as an ACOA? I really don't know what to expect.
New here
I must admit navigating this site has proved trivial for me in some ways. :c029:I thought acoa was the forum for me but don't find too much going on there as far as posts go and so forth. Not entirely sure if I am looking in the right spots though.
I am so blown away by the honesty,vulnerability,courage and supportiveness of the members of this community! It's awesome and refreshing! And to be frank,a little scary. Good scary.
My main struggles are more with dealing with the afteraffects of a dysfunctional family system, and dealing with the origin of what made me so inclined to such self destructive behaviors to begin with. So, the addiction thing is under control, but then theres all that other stuff that drove me there in the first place! If this is making sense to anyone I would love to hear from you, and would not mind any support or direction you are willing to offer. Thank you so much. I think you all are amazing individuals and am so glad peolpe like you exist! :a194::a194:
I am so blown away by the honesty,vulnerability,courage and supportiveness of the members of this community! It's awesome and refreshing! And to be frank,a little scary. Good scary.
My main struggles are more with dealing with the afteraffects of a dysfunctional family system, and dealing with the origin of what made me so inclined to such self destructive behaviors to begin with. So, the addiction thing is under control, but then theres all that other stuff that drove me there in the first place! If this is making sense to anyone I would love to hear from you, and would not mind any support or direction you are willing to offer. Thank you so much. I think you all are amazing individuals and am so glad peolpe like you exist! :a194::a194:
