Drug Rehab Options Blog

I had a rough day today. It started out good. I was up at 5am. Couldnt go back to sleep. So I amde myself a cup of coffee and a bowl of oatmeal.
Sat and just relaxed and drank my coffe and ate my breakfast here at SR this morning. Got ready for work. Was grateful I wasnt called out. Today will make a whole 16 hrs I got in this week. This is getting really frustrating.
Got to work..I was ok until the boss lady is trying to hurry us up talking about we can only have so much time to a room. And we need to be out of there by this time. Well she isnt counting the time it takes to walk across the dam hotel and go up and down 6 different floors. Stocking our carts..running back an dforth for crap thats not where it should be. Not addint our breaks in. WTF??!! I told her in so many words as nice as I could be that this is a bunch of shyt.
And she tried shorting me hours because she obviously had a hard time doing basic math. Changing time on my timecard. It took me 15 mins to explain to her that the time clock was behind an hour for 2 days. I felt liek smacking her in the back of the head to wake her up.

Got home...The kids are going friggin bonkers. I was coming out of my skull.
We went up to my aunts house for my lil cousins 6th bday party.
I just sat there for about an hour. Not really feeling like being in a house full of people and kids runnin crazy.

But I stopped and just started watching things around me.

The kids playing..Doing silly things. They started to make me laugh. Started talking to my cousins abotu stuff in general. We ate and I was just sat and watched some more.
I was watching how cute those kids are. How innocent and carefree they are. How funny and clueless they are.
I was watching how everyone was interacting. I stopped and just stayed there in that room. With everyone there in that very minute.
I was aware of my thoughts..my emtoions.
I made a point to be aware.
And it was the most content I have felt in so long.
It was just awesome. All the noise..the chaos..I didnt even notice it anymore.
I was just so happy to be there. To be a part of them. To be a functioning human being again.
It was like nothing else existed except what was going on in that house.

It was a good feeling. One I hope I can have more.

Anyway..Just wanted to share.

We are gettin ready for a supposed ice storm that is going to be pretty bad. Hopefully our power doesnt go out.

But if it does..We have each other.

Simple things. Its just the simple little things that make a difference.

I've been reading through many posts on here the last few days about what everyone is going through (so sorry for everyone's struggles yet somewhat relieved by knowing I'm not going through them alone).

Anyway. The posts have really got me to thinking about my own situation and what I need to do to make it better, or keep me sane anyway.

And it dawned on me today that my BF is SOOO much easier to deal with and live with and be around when he is drinking. He's still a jerk, don't get me wrong (mean drunk). But he's almost twice as mean when he's gone a few days without drinking. And then when he does finally get that drink he's been craving he gets three times meaner.

So I'm stuck wondering what to do. I certainly don't want to be an enabler. I want him to sober up (I've been with him sober and he is so perfect weeks, months into it). And the fact that he easily goes through a case a day scares the crap out of me--what happens a few years from now as far as his health goes? I definitely don't want to be part of the reason for what happens then.

But on the other hand, the only time we ever really get into it fighting and screaming and things flying through the house at each other is when he doesn't have a drink or when he's getting back up on that high after going days without one.

This probably sounds so stupid to some of you. I'm just confused. I want the guy I met over a year ago--the happy, full of smiles and laughter, sober one. The one I could talk to, the one I wasn't afraid of.

ABF left at 11:00 this morning to go cut wood with my dad, it's been dark for probably 2 hours, and he still isn't back. My dad is an A...and even though they don't have much $$ between themselves, I am almost positve they are drinking. ABF borrowed $$ from his mom today for gas (to go "cut wood").....it is hurtful that the $$ he does get is probably going to be spent on beer.

I'm sitting here, while Ryan is watching tv. I have enjoyed the peace and quiet today, Ryan and I rocked out on guitar hero, but the longer he is gone, the harder it is to not let his crap affect my night. I am hurt, lonely, and angry. I know it is my choice to be with him, and that I am the only one to change that....I am trying to figure out how people can detach.

I know that what I have done in the past (complain/nag when he gets home) won't do any good for any of us, and I also know that if I just calmly tell him I'm upset and don't want to talk, that he will probably pick pick and pick some more.

I am not even sure what kind of boundaries to have while he is living here. I would go somewhere right now except it is getting late and the roads were nothing but ice today. I know that I am doing better than what I have in the past when this stuff happens, I do feel calmer....but still just bummed out/hurt/anxious. At the same time....I dread the moment when I see his truck pull in, I know that my stomach will be one big mess.

Well, I made my bed, I guess I am going to have to sleep in it! I let the girls do all the unwrapping without their dad now we are going on our second day without talking. I guess that is better than yelling and being nasty to one another. I want to just scream!!! I look at him and want to throw up!! I wish I could say " I am done with you and all your crap" I guess that day will come. I hope it is soon. My oldest daughter dropped a bomb on me and told me she is expecting. Of course she is 20, living at home and has a job. I didn't need this on top of all the other things I have going on. I don't want her to go live with him, he is like her dad!!! Can I have one more thing go wrong?

Well, I finally found out when I'm gonna be placed on Suboxone. Next Tuesday at 7:30 in the morning. They don't want me to take any opiods/opiates for two days straight which isn't a problem for me because I run out of Vicodin on Friday night. So really I have Saturday, Sunday, and Monday to get through with the damn withdrawals.

I have Gabapintin/Neurotin which I was told on here that the drug helps with the withdrawals and the Clonodine patch. Yet, I'm still unsure and I guess I need to grow a pair of balls and tough it out. At least I don't have to worry anymore WHEN I'll be put on the drug.

It's just strange that the clinic I'm going to seems absolutely clueless on a number of things that you guys already know about and have informed me by reading your posts and topics. It seems like I had to push for a great deal of things since my wacko doctor decided to take me off of Vicodin that the clinic should have done in the first place. Like, for example, me finding out who my clinician was. If I didn't ask around that day I believe she still wouldn't have gotten in touch with me and I'd be still waiting.

I have a group to go to on Friday and on Monday. I don't know if I can make the Monday group because I'll feel like crap...but she says its important because they need to take my vitals. I'm also guessing that they'll give me a drug test to see if I'm really off Vicodin or taking something else that I haven't told them about.

This is gonna be one hell of a weekend. ;)

My husband and I separated a month and a half ago. It was an ugly mess at the time. He was binge drinking and making my life a living hell. He was living life so wrecklessly that I had to make him choose. It was his family or his bottle. Well, he chose the bottlte and it wasn't any surprise. I knew that it would happen that way. I guess it made it more bearable knowing that he chose his own path. He moved in with his mother and for quite some time he didn't call or contact us. It was a little painful at first but it got easier to handle. He started calling at odd hours...like 2:00 in the morning! He would call me a few choice words and hang up. You know...my heart began to feel nothing. I stopped crying silently in the shower. I told him years ago to stop calling me names and acting like such an idiot that eventually I wouldn't love him the same way anymore. Well, it happened and when the chill hit him his attitude changed towards me. But now I know its too late. Now, he's a wreck. He cries and says that without his family he's nothing, he wants to die, etc. I care for him and don't want anything to happen to him. I believe that he's sincere in his threats. He's bipolar without meds and a heavy drinker. I told him last night that I thought that was a silly thing to say because even without me he still has his children. He hung up in my face.I know that this is another game to make me feel like crap so I'll cave but it really is bothering me today. Help me put this in perspective please.

I'm on day 10. No alcohol or oxy's in 10 days. Longest I've went in a very long time. I haven't posted on here in about a year. My wife overdosed 6 months ago. That should have woke me up, but it just made things worse. I just got out of detox and it's so hard not to go right back to using. Using is the only way I know how to function and deal with things. Not to mention, I'm at day 10 and still feel like complete crap. How long will the insomnia last? AAARG!

My sister is in very early days of her latest attempt at rehab from oxys..maybe 5 weeks or so in an outpatient program where luckily she gets counselling as well as methadone.
Its baby steps out of the pit she's dug herself of using, owing so much money to so many shady people, lost friends and all the guilt from her behaviour during all that time. I go with her to each session with the doctor (mostly just sit in the waiting room) so despite all the other chaos in the her life I know she's faithfully making her appointments.
As hard as getting clean in her situation would be for anyone, life sure has thrown her some extra burdens on top of it.
*She is 3 months pregnant with a bf who has had the patience of a saint but is really struggling with untangling years of lies, thefts and the stuff we all know about. The family doesn't know whether to be happy she's expecting or dreading what could happen.
*Our dad is in the later stages of prostate cancer, and despite all the crap she's pulled over the years, even on him, she's still daddy's girl and she doesn't have the emotional tools at all yet to cope with his being ill.
*and tonight our grandmother died. again tough for all of us at Xmas time but one more mental blow I'm not sure she can deal with.
I just hope she can stick with her rehab through this and come out the other side.

Where to begin. I've been writing posts and then just deleting them. You know when things have been so bad; but not out of control bad. I do not have real reason to kick him out bad; but things have an under lying evil, bad. Maybe I should hit the delete button.

My AH keeps talking about getting a puppy. I of course said we are not getting one; for all the usual (too much work and I'm the only one who would be around to do it) reasons. It's kind of gone back and forth; but I've been told that no matter what he's bringing home a puppy sometime after Christmas. He's never even home to take care of anything living. When I said I wasn't taking care of it. I was threatened with divorce told I would have to live on welfare. Told what a rotten wife I am. Threatened how he would make sure to do me out of money from the sale of our house. On and on it went. Kind of like torture. He ended our "talk" with that "we" where going to work on our relationship. That's all crap. Working on it means me just shutting up and doing what he wants.

I hardly had time to wonder about hiring a private investigator when two days later I had surgery. He chased my children out of the room while I was under and when I woke up there he was. He put on quite the loving husband show. Thank God for my 22 year old daughter living with me or for the past 3 days I would be trapped in my room.

Today he just told me he wanted to know how long before I could decorate the Christmas tree. I have two holes in my stomach I'm glad he has such compassion! I'm sure if I'm not well by Saturday there will be an issue if I can't make it to his work Christmas party.

Anyway, Thanks for letting me complain... But I really need extra prayers. I need to find a place to rent so I can get out of here. My daughter has been waiting for full-time at her hospital or part-time at another hospital (she's going to help with rent when we leave)...I need a place that accepts pets...I also need prayer for safety...he keeps making me feel that some how he's dangerous even though he's never "really" hurt me.

Thanks all... Oh Don't worry I'm not telling him that I'm leaving! Until after...And no forwarding address...

I need elp understanding why the A (recoverery 4 years) in my life still has to blame everything on me. And still treats me and the kids like crap. I would love to leave him but financially I can't. (Even though hes out of work now too.)

Today is a prime example. We decided yesterday to go today for the christmas tree with the kids (4 kids - 16, 14, 12, & 8). When he got up this morning or should I say this afternoon he acted like we weren't going. And even said so. Then when I told the kids we weren't going today he decided to take his shower and asked why we all were't ready yet. When we got out to the car he started yelling at me because I didn't fill the tire on the car. (He started to on friday night but claims he didn't. That it is now my job. Not his because he doesn't drive.)

We finally got to the tree farm and with him asking me what was wrong. Like he didn't know? I chose to ignore him. At the tree farm I of course picked the wrong way to go - cause he knows best. Then I picked the wrong tree of course. After cutting down the dreaded tree and paying for it I asked if we going in the barn for hot chocolate (we do this every year the kids expect it). He informs us he has to get back home to go work at the neighbors house. Like we were supposed to know he had to work.

Now the tree is still on the roof of the car, he's next door working and the kids have so much tension built up they are taking it out on each other.

Sorry this is so long. And probably makes no sense. Thanks for reading and thanks for being there I feel a little better typing this out.