Archive for the ‘Current’ tag
Memorable Christmas Presents of the Past
Or current thrilling gifts if you like.
I remember being ecstatic when I unwrapped the Major Matt Mason Space Station as a kid. I already had Major Matt, his crew and a bunch of his stuff, but when I got the station I was ready for major space exploration. Ah that was a memorable gift.
:Xmasta
I remember being ecstatic when I unwrapped the Major Matt Mason Space Station as a kid. I already had Major Matt, his crew and a bunch of his stuff, but when I got the station I was ready for major space exploration. Ah that was a memorable gift.
:Xmasta
A touchy subject…. Don’t read if you don’t want to.
Sharing stories and offering encouragement and motivation is a great thing between a former or current Substance abuser. However what about the flip side of the coin?
I've noticed in some discussions that people that are seeking validation or excuses for there own acts are getting rewarded. Id like to point out that no one forces me or anyone to drink alcohol or abuse any substance. Without taking responsibility for our own actions we will never achieve any of our goals.
People encouraging abuse, triggers, stress, health issues, financial problems, social issues... are problems i hear all the time.These things are terrible and i am sorry to hear it. But it does not give validation or make it any less our fault for abusing.
My point is that at times people want to hear the sympathy to validate there own false perception that its others peoples fault. Or exp: because of such n such problems I have proper motive to lie and abuse.
I am not accusing anyone of false doings on this board or am i saying this is not a great community. But sometimes people should be receiving respectfully reality checks instead of further validation to excuses and motives for there recent screw up.
I know if I was trying to make excuses i would want someone to tell me. Exp someone who has been there before.
I've noticed in some discussions that people that are seeking validation or excuses for there own acts are getting rewarded. Id like to point out that no one forces me or anyone to drink alcohol or abuse any substance. Without taking responsibility for our own actions we will never achieve any of our goals.
People encouraging abuse, triggers, stress, health issues, financial problems, social issues... are problems i hear all the time.These things are terrible and i am sorry to hear it. But it does not give validation or make it any less our fault for abusing.
My point is that at times people want to hear the sympathy to validate there own false perception that its others peoples fault. Or exp: because of such n such problems I have proper motive to lie and abuse.
I am not accusing anyone of false doings on this board or am i saying this is not a great community. But sometimes people should be receiving respectfully reality checks instead of further validation to excuses and motives for there recent screw up.
I know if I was trying to make excuses i would want someone to tell me. Exp someone who has been there before.
Help with Alcoholic Fiancee.
find myself in a very difficult situation right now that I find very difficult to deal with and am seeking advice. To begin with about me I have been divorced for about a year and am now a single father to a 5 year old. I have the house, car, and a good job. Shortly after splitting with the ex I met my current fiancee. She was there for me during a very difficult time in my life when I needed help.
About her: She is a wonderful person inside, smart, loving, hard working, and an alcoholic. She has been in and out of treatment centers for the past 5 years the most recent being in August. She is very well aware of her alcoholism problem and makes no secret about it. She stays at home while I work and takes care the house and my child.
For the first 6 months of our relationship she was a very heavy drinker often consuming a half-gallon of vodka a day. This led to a situation where she was "perfect" while sober but miserable when drunk. Our relationship became very stressed because of her drinking problem. She would try to stop drinking but this always failed and even once led to a siezure. She was always in and out of the hospital for alcohol related problems. We argued all the time mostly when she was drunk. She suggested we see a relationship therapist.
By chance, our therapist was a recovered alcoholic. He immediatly identified that our relationship could never recover until she addressed her alcoholism problem. She entered a treatment center for a week and then checked herself out early because she couldn't stand being there anymore. She had stopped drinking and started attending AA meetings several times a week.
Our relationship improved dramatically. I realized how much I love the non-drunk version of this women and even proposed to her. It didn't take much time for her to relapse again. At first it was just the occasional bottle of wine. She then stopped going to all AA meetings. She called them a cult of freeks. She then got into arguments with our therapist all the time that one time turned into yelling. Our therapist refused to see her anymore and told me that I would be absolutely insane to stay with her and she really has no hope to recover with her attitude.
We have been togethor for a year now. She has decided that she will deal with her alcholism her own way. She feels that she can control her drinking and I simply need to buy her wine whenever she wants it. She thinks that she should be able to drink a couple bottles of wine twice a month. I know this is BS because it always starts with a little. She also claims she no longer needs AA or any other form of support. She has made it clear that either I buy her her alcohol or she will be gone.
She is a very smart women. She has read all the AA books, been to countless AA meetings, been to numerous treatment centers. But still has decided that she will do it her own way.
How do I deel with situation where I have grown so close to a person who is an amazing person who I deeply love but at the same time refused to deal anymore with her alcoholism? Should I just give up as the therapist said I should do or do I hold out hoping she will try again?
About her: She is a wonderful person inside, smart, loving, hard working, and an alcoholic. She has been in and out of treatment centers for the past 5 years the most recent being in August. She is very well aware of her alcoholism problem and makes no secret about it. She stays at home while I work and takes care the house and my child.
For the first 6 months of our relationship she was a very heavy drinker often consuming a half-gallon of vodka a day. This led to a situation where she was "perfect" while sober but miserable when drunk. Our relationship became very stressed because of her drinking problem. She would try to stop drinking but this always failed and even once led to a siezure. She was always in and out of the hospital for alcohol related problems. We argued all the time mostly when she was drunk. She suggested we see a relationship therapist.
By chance, our therapist was a recovered alcoholic. He immediatly identified that our relationship could never recover until she addressed her alcoholism problem. She entered a treatment center for a week and then checked herself out early because she couldn't stand being there anymore. She had stopped drinking and started attending AA meetings several times a week.
Our relationship improved dramatically. I realized how much I love the non-drunk version of this women and even proposed to her. It didn't take much time for her to relapse again. At first it was just the occasional bottle of wine. She then stopped going to all AA meetings. She called them a cult of freeks. She then got into arguments with our therapist all the time that one time turned into yelling. Our therapist refused to see her anymore and told me that I would be absolutely insane to stay with her and she really has no hope to recover with her attitude.
We have been togethor for a year now. She has decided that she will deal with her alcholism her own way. She feels that she can control her drinking and I simply need to buy her wine whenever she wants it. She thinks that she should be able to drink a couple bottles of wine twice a month. I know this is BS because it always starts with a little. She also claims she no longer needs AA or any other form of support. She has made it clear that either I buy her her alcohol or she will be gone.
She is a very smart women. She has read all the AA books, been to countless AA meetings, been to numerous treatment centers. But still has decided that she will do it her own way.
How do I deel with situation where I have grown so close to a person who is an amazing person who I deeply love but at the same time refused to deal anymore with her alcoholism? Should I just give up as the therapist said I should do or do I hold out hoping she will try again?
Judgment, craziness, and sick people
I have another stupid story to tell from the rooms. I am truly getting tired of all the BS, let me tell you. I have to say "take what I need and leave the rest" over and over in my head lately.
Anyway, so today I finally get a call back from my sponsor who has been MIA this week on vacation to visit her sponsor in another country.
She tells me that after talking it over with her sponsor (I knew that was going to cause trouble, because her sponsor doesn't know me or my life), she feels that I really have to start going to more meetings (I'm very busy at work now and am making 3 a week), that I won't get any better with my current schedule and that I must find a way to scale back my life to make "90 in 90." But I don't feel the need or desire to do that.
I explained to her that isn't doable due to my bills. I have a kid in college, a mortgage, two cars for us, a younger child, and all the regular bills that go along with all that. I asked her what she would have me cut back on. I mean, I told her, it's not like I'm buying new shoes, or taking any vacations even. I'm only 5 years from retirement at my current job, so a change in career isn't feasible now. And we're in a recession. Many of us, including me, are just scraping by, with the costs going up, but salaries staying the same.
She told me that she did it, so so could I. She says she went to 3 meetings a day when new. I pointed out the differences in our lifestyles. She is still living w/mom and dad, has no car, a part-time gig that she isn't committed to, and comes from money. I explained to her, that even if I wanted to, I wouldn't be able to live the way she does.
She told me that I will end up picking up if I don't do it her way. But I'm doing pretty well. I have 6 months, and I just spoke at a meeting for the first time. I really was feeling stronger lately.
I pointed that out and then she really got on my case about my service commitment to my home group; a reading. I selected that service because I'm a shift worker who can only make 1/2 the meetings (I'm on night shift 1/2 the time). My home group knew that when I signed up. So that didn't seem to be a problem then, someone could read the reading on the days I couldn't be there. It wasn't that big of a deal. But she said she wanted me to "resign the commitment" although there isn't anyone else who wants it. And I'm a good reader. Really good at that. Seriously, people say they love to hear me read. Sounds stupid, but they do say that at my home group. So I liked that job. It made me feel like I finally belonged somewhere.
At first, she made me feel really bad. And finally I just snapped. I went off. I told her "You can take that service commitment, and your home group, and you can get f'd." Then I hung up. I'm so mad. I'm so frustrated. It's my home group too. I don't know anymore. I just don't know if I want to belong to any of it right now. I'm so tired of non-constructive criticism from people who don't seem to know anything about how to live a balanced life in recovery. Or even how to help me work the steps. Or even how to be happy.
So once again, no sponsor, no prospects. Alone again. So sick of it.
KJ
Anyway, so today I finally get a call back from my sponsor who has been MIA this week on vacation to visit her sponsor in another country.
She tells me that after talking it over with her sponsor (I knew that was going to cause trouble, because her sponsor doesn't know me or my life), she feels that I really have to start going to more meetings (I'm very busy at work now and am making 3 a week), that I won't get any better with my current schedule and that I must find a way to scale back my life to make "90 in 90." But I don't feel the need or desire to do that.
I explained to her that isn't doable due to my bills. I have a kid in college, a mortgage, two cars for us, a younger child, and all the regular bills that go along with all that. I asked her what she would have me cut back on. I mean, I told her, it's not like I'm buying new shoes, or taking any vacations even. I'm only 5 years from retirement at my current job, so a change in career isn't feasible now. And we're in a recession. Many of us, including me, are just scraping by, with the costs going up, but salaries staying the same.
She told me that she did it, so so could I. She says she went to 3 meetings a day when new. I pointed out the differences in our lifestyles. She is still living w/mom and dad, has no car, a part-time gig that she isn't committed to, and comes from money. I explained to her, that even if I wanted to, I wouldn't be able to live the way she does.
She told me that I will end up picking up if I don't do it her way. But I'm doing pretty well. I have 6 months, and I just spoke at a meeting for the first time. I really was feeling stronger lately.
I pointed that out and then she really got on my case about my service commitment to my home group; a reading. I selected that service because I'm a shift worker who can only make 1/2 the meetings (I'm on night shift 1/2 the time). My home group knew that when I signed up. So that didn't seem to be a problem then, someone could read the reading on the days I couldn't be there. It wasn't that big of a deal. But she said she wanted me to "resign the commitment" although there isn't anyone else who wants it. And I'm a good reader. Really good at that. Seriously, people say they love to hear me read. Sounds stupid, but they do say that at my home group. So I liked that job. It made me feel like I finally belonged somewhere.
At first, she made me feel really bad. And finally I just snapped. I went off. I told her "You can take that service commitment, and your home group, and you can get f'd." Then I hung up. I'm so mad. I'm so frustrated. It's my home group too. I don't know anymore. I just don't know if I want to belong to any of it right now. I'm so tired of non-constructive criticism from people who don't seem to know anything about how to live a balanced life in recovery. Or even how to help me work the steps. Or even how to be happy.
So once again, no sponsor, no prospects. Alone again. So sick of it.
KJ
All of my energy in the wrong place…
My AH and I are separated and I don't see us reconciling. We've done the dance, back and forth, for 20 years.
I've been thinking the past few days about how much effort I put into him and his issues. While I don't regret my two amazing children, that effort could have been better spent on me and our children.
I've read books, here are a few of them:
Codependent No More
The Language of Letting Go
The Verbally Abusive Relationship
Why Does He Do That?
Under the Influence
That's 5 of about 30 or so books I've read.
I've gone to Al-Anon meetings. I've been encouraging and supportive. I've been a raving lunatic. I've loved and loved him through it all. I've taken anti-depressants. I've taken anti-anxiety meds. I've lost weight. I've gained weight. I've begged him to change. I've been happy when he's there and happy when he's gone. I've been lonely without him and I've been lonely with him. I've prayed. I've cried RIVERS of tears. I've gone to church and prayed with prayer partners. I've written letters.
I honestly believe I've done ALL I COULD DO. I'm not stupid or slow...I believe the best in people.
Here's the thing....all of that energy I spent trying to be a supportive wife to AH? IT DIDN'T MATTER. He's still a jerk. He still says I DON'T LOVE HIM. :wtf2
I am about 60 pounds overweight. I was MAYBE 10 lbs overweight when I met AH, and I gained it all when I met him, before we got married the first time. We were both working crappy jobs and would meet in the middle of the night for a burger or Taco Bell. I'm not blaming him, just explaining the root of it. I weigh 69 lbs less than my highest pregnancy weight 8 years ago. I'm not an ogre and I believe that I am pretty and attractive even at my current weight.
However, knowing that I wanted to lose weight...do you think AH ever thought about me? Do you think he put one ounce of his time or energy or thoughts into helping me? FARK NO. Not once did he give a darn about my issue. NOT ONE F'IN TIME. I'm not saying it was HIS responsibility...I'm just saying that he never cared enough to support my issue.
I'm angry, can you tell?
I have wasted so much of my life trying to help someone WHO DOESN'T WANT TO BE HELPED! He doesn't want to change. He wants to be accepted for the man that he is, and that's NOT GOOD ENOUGH for me, or for our children.
I wish, truly wish I'd spent that energy on myself. I don't ever expect to wear a bikini again or anything, but I am bound and determined to be at a healthy weight a year from now. I'm starting a food journal today and a God journal. I am WORTH IT. My kids....they're worth it. They deserve to have the very best Mommy I can be!
This realization has been painful, and it really ticks me off (at myself), but I know it's inevitable to face them as I grow.
Thanks for letting me share.
Sunny
I've been thinking the past few days about how much effort I put into him and his issues. While I don't regret my two amazing children, that effort could have been better spent on me and our children.
I've read books, here are a few of them:
Codependent No More
The Language of Letting Go
The Verbally Abusive Relationship
Why Does He Do That?
Under the Influence
That's 5 of about 30 or so books I've read.
I've gone to Al-Anon meetings. I've been encouraging and supportive. I've been a raving lunatic. I've loved and loved him through it all. I've taken anti-depressants. I've taken anti-anxiety meds. I've lost weight. I've gained weight. I've begged him to change. I've been happy when he's there and happy when he's gone. I've been lonely without him and I've been lonely with him. I've prayed. I've cried RIVERS of tears. I've gone to church and prayed with prayer partners. I've written letters.
I honestly believe I've done ALL I COULD DO. I'm not stupid or slow...I believe the best in people.
Here's the thing....all of that energy I spent trying to be a supportive wife to AH? IT DIDN'T MATTER. He's still a jerk. He still says I DON'T LOVE HIM. :wtf2
I am about 60 pounds overweight. I was MAYBE 10 lbs overweight when I met AH, and I gained it all when I met him, before we got married the first time. We were both working crappy jobs and would meet in the middle of the night for a burger or Taco Bell. I'm not blaming him, just explaining the root of it. I weigh 69 lbs less than my highest pregnancy weight 8 years ago. I'm not an ogre and I believe that I am pretty and attractive even at my current weight.
However, knowing that I wanted to lose weight...do you think AH ever thought about me? Do you think he put one ounce of his time or energy or thoughts into helping me? FARK NO. Not once did he give a darn about my issue. NOT ONE F'IN TIME. I'm not saying it was HIS responsibility...I'm just saying that he never cared enough to support my issue.
I'm angry, can you tell?
I have wasted so much of my life trying to help someone WHO DOESN'T WANT TO BE HELPED! He doesn't want to change. He wants to be accepted for the man that he is, and that's NOT GOOD ENOUGH for me, or for our children.
I wish, truly wish I'd spent that energy on myself. I don't ever expect to wear a bikini again or anything, but I am bound and determined to be at a healthy weight a year from now. I'm starting a food journal today and a God journal. I am WORTH IT. My kids....they're worth it. They deserve to have the very best Mommy I can be!
This realization has been painful, and it really ticks me off (at myself), but I know it's inevitable to face them as I grow.
Thanks for letting me share.
Sunny
sick and frustrated
I went to the doctor today and mentioned to him the fact that I've been drinking and feel like I should've just lied. He knows I have a eating disorder but, I've gained some weight.
The main reason I went was to get a higher dose of topamax. I'm currently taking 50mg he wouldn't give it to me because he was afraid about the loss of appetite. I told him it helped me not want to drink and helped with my depression and he still wouldn't.
I doubled the dose to 100mg for about a week which probably wasn't the best idea without the doctors permission but, I was trying to cut back on the drinking a little. I noticed it helped me not throw up and hallucinate. I've been vomiting blood and bile and I told him that.
I walked out of the doctors office with just 50mg and he told me to go to AA. I felt really frustrated all day just because I don't know if I can do that right now. There's a lot keeping me from caring and I think it's the way I've been treated.
I was in an abusive marriage for 8 years and my current living situation isn't good either. The few people that I feel do care I feel like I'm slowly pushing them away because of the alcohol. They don't want me to drink but for some reason it just makes me mad. I feel like there trying to contol me.
I really can't hardly think straight anymore. I don't know if it's the alcohol or the eating disorder. I feel confused a lot. I can't remember the last few weeks. I don't remember saying things doing things. I've been through so much and I feel like deep down I've kinda just given up.
I went 15 hours the other day but, it was almost like I was waiting just for another drink instead of quitting. During that time the nausea, sweating, chills were intense. I kept having nightmares every ten minutes and waking up. I saw things, heard voices, it was too much.
I don't know what to do. I just need I guess to rant.
The main reason I went was to get a higher dose of topamax. I'm currently taking 50mg he wouldn't give it to me because he was afraid about the loss of appetite. I told him it helped me not want to drink and helped with my depression and he still wouldn't.
I doubled the dose to 100mg for about a week which probably wasn't the best idea without the doctors permission but, I was trying to cut back on the drinking a little. I noticed it helped me not throw up and hallucinate. I've been vomiting blood and bile and I told him that.
I walked out of the doctors office with just 50mg and he told me to go to AA. I felt really frustrated all day just because I don't know if I can do that right now. There's a lot keeping me from caring and I think it's the way I've been treated.
I was in an abusive marriage for 8 years and my current living situation isn't good either. The few people that I feel do care I feel like I'm slowly pushing them away because of the alcohol. They don't want me to drink but for some reason it just makes me mad. I feel like there trying to contol me.
I really can't hardly think straight anymore. I don't know if it's the alcohol or the eating disorder. I feel confused a lot. I can't remember the last few weeks. I don't remember saying things doing things. I've been through so much and I feel like deep down I've kinda just given up.
I went 15 hours the other day but, it was almost like I was waiting just for another drink instead of quitting. During that time the nausea, sweating, chills were intense. I kept having nightmares every ten minutes and waking up. I saw things, heard voices, it was too much.
I don't know what to do. I just need I guess to rant.
I’m mad beyond belief…
After AH brings the kids home my son asks to call his dad. Fortunately for me he likes to have it on speaker phone. So last night AH and his AB take the kids to a "beer pong" party. Well my son wanted to call and ask him if he would take him back some time so they could play it, only he wants to play water pong. This is also the friends house who introduced AH to his current girlfriend so I'm sure she was there too. My son says his dad wasnt drinking but I dont believe that. He probably was putting his beer in a cup to conceal it like he usually does. I guess that answers the whole "anxiety" thing. I haven't said anything to him yet as it will only be a screaming match and I don't want to say anything that I may regret later. At this point I'm seriously considering asking for supervised visitations. I also am thinking of calling and telling his parents that while they are more than welcome to keep the kids under no circumstances will he be taking the kids anywhere on his own. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? I am sitting on this today while I debate on what to say and do next. I could seriously just cry.
I took the plunge
I made an offer on the new property and signed a listing agreement to sell my current home today. I'm both happy and sad at the same time. Happy to be moving into a beautiful new home and sad to leave my home of the last 5 years. I have loved every minute of living in it. It's a true reflection of my personality and where I am in life. And it seems to have changed right along with me.
A few years ago it was decorated in a flashy, high-intensity style. But lately it's taking on a more serene and peaceful feeling. I look around my house; it's quiet, orderly, peaceful, and charming. I feel like I'm leaving an old friend and starting out on a new journey.
I can't wait to see where this move takes me and how my life evolves. My home, like my life, is a reflection of the choices I make.
Who knew it would be this easy? If I hadn't let go of the things that weren't working for me, I'd still be stuck in a miserable life today. But I made some difficult choices and I've reaped the benefits.
I hope everyone will join me on the other side of the bridge. Until then, I'll be the short one with the pudgy legs and the curly hair cheering you on.
A few years ago it was decorated in a flashy, high-intensity style. But lately it's taking on a more serene and peaceful feeling. I look around my house; it's quiet, orderly, peaceful, and charming. I feel like I'm leaving an old friend and starting out on a new journey.
I can't wait to see where this move takes me and how my life evolves. My home, like my life, is a reflection of the choices I make.
Who knew it would be this easy? If I hadn't let go of the things that weren't working for me, I'd still be stuck in a miserable life today. But I made some difficult choices and I've reaped the benefits.
I hope everyone will join me on the other side of the bridge. Until then, I'll be the short one with the pudgy legs and the curly hair cheering you on.
