Archive for the ‘Darkness’ tag
SOS - Your Sobriety Toolkit
Your Sobriety Toolkit
Tool: A means by which something is done or obtained.
Did you ever try to fix or adjust something without the proper tool? These are some tools of sobriety. There are many more. Look into the population of alcoholics and the field of alcoholism and you will find a tool for whatever needs fixing or adjusting. If you don’t find just the right tool, fashion one yourself.
No matter what — there is no valid reason on earth to drink again.
Here’s sobriety — there’s everything else — separate and prioritize sobriety.
Seriousness — this is nothing less than life or death.
Determination — there is no turning back, especially if it gets rough. You’ve gotten another chance at life. How many really have that chance? Sobriety doesn’t fix everything, but it makes it possible.
Information — retrain your brain; stimulate it with things related to alcoholism: books, audiotapes, videotapes, movies, pamphlets, brochures, meetings, plays, television and radio, newspapers and magazine articles, etc.
People — human contact is powerful. Try to meet people, at least one, and be sure to meet other alcoholics. Interaction fights the old patterns of isolation.
Honesty — this is the time to get things into the open. Get rid of the shadows and darkness of the past. Put light on the dark things and they lose their power. Things can be dealt with reasonably when they’re seen as they truly are.
Listening — especially to people with long-term sobriety.
Take notes — anytime; but especially in early sobriety when memory can be tricky.
Meetings — be with people who want better lives and are taking actions to get what they want. Meetings are a good place to establish or re-establish social skills in a supportive environment. There is a lot to learn and feel in a meeting. You are not alone. You have not done the worst or been the most; there are always those who have ‘bettered’ you. Think about what you hear and see, but better yet is to feel what you hear and see at meetings.
Folk wisdom and slogans — don’t underestimate them.
Commitments — if you make them, keep them. You show yourself and others a lot by doing so.
Personal ‘program’ — develop your own recovery process from what you hear and see. It has to be what works for you, not anybody else.
Sharing — surprisingly therapeutic when done honestly. Free yourself from holding things in.
Phones — get plenty of phone numbers of other alcoholics and use them.
Willingness — allow yourself to change. You have nothing to lose.
Openness — Don’t reject ideas without at least considering them.
Approachability — isolation can be deadly.
Ask questions — no matter how foolish you think they seem. Never be afraid to ask other alcoholics about things.
Nutrition — improve it any way you can.
Exercise — however little, even just moving around.
Help other alcoholics — you really can keep it by giving it away.
Joy — it’s great to be alive and sober.
Perceptions — it’s all real, not diluted or distorted. A keen, rich mind versus a drugged, limited mind.
Easily obtainable goals — success breeds more success. Reach for the moon later.
Call-up — remember, visualize, and image behaviors and incidents from your drinking days that are repellent and associated with alcohol. Replace ‘alcohol good’ with ‘alcohol bad’. This is especially useful when you feel seduced by alcohol or cocksure about sobriety.
Live in the present — visits to the past are okay, but don’t freeze your life there.
Abstinence — the only sure way to stay sober. Any statement to the contrary is hypothesis or commentary. Don’t drink, no matter what.
Avoid ‘slippery’ places, people and things — reinforce ‘alcohol bad’ by avoiding the places, people and things you associate with ‘alcohol good.’ If you can’t avoid, you must be aware that they are dangerous to your sobriety and proceed with caution.
Safeguard your sobriety — don’t be concerned with what others think of how you do it. Don’t be embarrassed if what you need to do to stay sober is ‘un-adult,’ ‘un-cool,’ ‘weak,’ or ‘stupid’ in the opinion of others. You are rebuilding and recreating yourself. You want to own your life, not be a slave to alcohol. It’s your life and your sobriety. Try to avoid things like homicide and robbery as tools to keep you sober, but be as flexible as you can in using whatever it takes to safeguard your sobriety. Be aware.
Acceptance — of your alcoholism. Think of the things you used to do that were related to alcohol and the need to drink. Were they normal? Does anyone but an alcoholic do these things? Know that you are an alcoholic like someone with diabetes or allergies knows his or her reality. Don’t be ashamed, be aware.
Fear — use it if you get it. Don’t live in fear, but use it. The same goes for horror, shame, regret or any other negative thoughts or feelings that may come when you think about your drinking days. Don’t stifle or deny these states of mind. Use them as tools to reinforce yourself, not stumbling blocks.
Watch for tools — everything can be a tool to help maintain sobriety. Train your mind to see and hear tools. Don’t doublethink yourself. If it works for you, use it. If you feel it may work for you, try it. You are fighting for your life, nothing less. You are the owner of your life. You are responsible for the caretaking of your life and you have decided to find better ways to live. Other people have gone before you and put together their own ‘tool kits.’ Ask them to share.
Do it now — procrastination is an anti-tool, feeding the negative and working against self-esteem.
Credit yourself — for your attainment and maintenance of sobriety. Others may have helped, but you did it.
Enjoy life — you can be dead any time. Drinking is slow suicide. Life is a banquet. Depth, complexity, the full fabric of life is yours to experience. The blinders and mufflers are off. Think of yourself as a child occasionally. Experience wonder and intensity.
It’s right — when you are sober, you feel ‘in your spine’ that it is right. Believe your guts on this when the feeling comes.
Care about yourself — things you do for yourself tell you at a gut level that you care about yourself. You have the option to make things bad or good for yourself.
Alcohol is not a tool — everything you were able to do under alcohol’s influence came from between your ears. Don’t think you are less creative, a lousy dancer, etc.
Remind yourself — even when you think you have ‘got it,’ remind yourself. Never again. Keep it fresh.
Imagery — for example, be mad at alcohol. Hate it for what it has done to you and those you care about. Being free of a horrible nightmare, knowing you are sober, is far better than the relief of waking from a bad dream. You were running on empty; as your drinking progressed, you were getting closer to the end of your life.
Make concepts real — if you are having a bad day, start it over, anytime, any number of times.
Visualize — for example, drunk living is wimp living.
Expect good things — they happen when we expect them. Mindset in a positive light gets us to perceive positive, helpful things rather than negative, destructive things.
Interrupt negative thoughts — identify them as ‘drinking thinking’ or some such. Change them, turn them around, obliterate them.
Look at drunks — especially when they are trying to pass as sober. Listen to what they are saying. Is that a wonderful life?
Action — no matter how small it seems.
From the SOS web page:
toolkit
Tool: A means by which something is done or obtained.
Did you ever try to fix or adjust something without the proper tool? These are some tools of sobriety. There are many more. Look into the population of alcoholics and the field of alcoholism and you will find a tool for whatever needs fixing or adjusting. If you don’t find just the right tool, fashion one yourself.
No matter what — there is no valid reason on earth to drink again.
Here’s sobriety — there’s everything else — separate and prioritize sobriety.
Seriousness — this is nothing less than life or death.
Determination — there is no turning back, especially if it gets rough. You’ve gotten another chance at life. How many really have that chance? Sobriety doesn’t fix everything, but it makes it possible.
Information — retrain your brain; stimulate it with things related to alcoholism: books, audiotapes, videotapes, movies, pamphlets, brochures, meetings, plays, television and radio, newspapers and magazine articles, etc.
People — human contact is powerful. Try to meet people, at least one, and be sure to meet other alcoholics. Interaction fights the old patterns of isolation.
Honesty — this is the time to get things into the open. Get rid of the shadows and darkness of the past. Put light on the dark things and they lose their power. Things can be dealt with reasonably when they’re seen as they truly are.
Listening — especially to people with long-term sobriety.
Take notes — anytime; but especially in early sobriety when memory can be tricky.
Meetings — be with people who want better lives and are taking actions to get what they want. Meetings are a good place to establish or re-establish social skills in a supportive environment. There is a lot to learn and feel in a meeting. You are not alone. You have not done the worst or been the most; there are always those who have ‘bettered’ you. Think about what you hear and see, but better yet is to feel what you hear and see at meetings.
Folk wisdom and slogans — don’t underestimate them.
Commitments — if you make them, keep them. You show yourself and others a lot by doing so.
Personal ‘program’ — develop your own recovery process from what you hear and see. It has to be what works for you, not anybody else.
Sharing — surprisingly therapeutic when done honestly. Free yourself from holding things in.
Phones — get plenty of phone numbers of other alcoholics and use them.
Willingness — allow yourself to change. You have nothing to lose.
Openness — Don’t reject ideas without at least considering them.
Approachability — isolation can be deadly.
Ask questions — no matter how foolish you think they seem. Never be afraid to ask other alcoholics about things.
Nutrition — improve it any way you can.
Exercise — however little, even just moving around.
Help other alcoholics — you really can keep it by giving it away.
Joy — it’s great to be alive and sober.
Perceptions — it’s all real, not diluted or distorted. A keen, rich mind versus a drugged, limited mind.
Easily obtainable goals — success breeds more success. Reach for the moon later.
Call-up — remember, visualize, and image behaviors and incidents from your drinking days that are repellent and associated with alcohol. Replace ‘alcohol good’ with ‘alcohol bad’. This is especially useful when you feel seduced by alcohol or cocksure about sobriety.
Live in the present — visits to the past are okay, but don’t freeze your life there.
Abstinence — the only sure way to stay sober. Any statement to the contrary is hypothesis or commentary. Don’t drink, no matter what.
Avoid ‘slippery’ places, people and things — reinforce ‘alcohol bad’ by avoiding the places, people and things you associate with ‘alcohol good.’ If you can’t avoid, you must be aware that they are dangerous to your sobriety and proceed with caution.
Safeguard your sobriety — don’t be concerned with what others think of how you do it. Don’t be embarrassed if what you need to do to stay sober is ‘un-adult,’ ‘un-cool,’ ‘weak,’ or ‘stupid’ in the opinion of others. You are rebuilding and recreating yourself. You want to own your life, not be a slave to alcohol. It’s your life and your sobriety. Try to avoid things like homicide and robbery as tools to keep you sober, but be as flexible as you can in using whatever it takes to safeguard your sobriety. Be aware.
Acceptance — of your alcoholism. Think of the things you used to do that were related to alcohol and the need to drink. Were they normal? Does anyone but an alcoholic do these things? Know that you are an alcoholic like someone with diabetes or allergies knows his or her reality. Don’t be ashamed, be aware.
Fear — use it if you get it. Don’t live in fear, but use it. The same goes for horror, shame, regret or any other negative thoughts or feelings that may come when you think about your drinking days. Don’t stifle or deny these states of mind. Use them as tools to reinforce yourself, not stumbling blocks.
Watch for tools — everything can be a tool to help maintain sobriety. Train your mind to see and hear tools. Don’t doublethink yourself. If it works for you, use it. If you feel it may work for you, try it. You are fighting for your life, nothing less. You are the owner of your life. You are responsible for the caretaking of your life and you have decided to find better ways to live. Other people have gone before you and put together their own ‘tool kits.’ Ask them to share.
Do it now — procrastination is an anti-tool, feeding the negative and working against self-esteem.
Credit yourself — for your attainment and maintenance of sobriety. Others may have helped, but you did it.
Enjoy life — you can be dead any time. Drinking is slow suicide. Life is a banquet. Depth, complexity, the full fabric of life is yours to experience. The blinders and mufflers are off. Think of yourself as a child occasionally. Experience wonder and intensity.
It’s right — when you are sober, you feel ‘in your spine’ that it is right. Believe your guts on this when the feeling comes.
Care about yourself — things you do for yourself tell you at a gut level that you care about yourself. You have the option to make things bad or good for yourself.
Alcohol is not a tool — everything you were able to do under alcohol’s influence came from between your ears. Don’t think you are less creative, a lousy dancer, etc.
Remind yourself — even when you think you have ‘got it,’ remind yourself. Never again. Keep it fresh.
Imagery — for example, be mad at alcohol. Hate it for what it has done to you and those you care about. Being free of a horrible nightmare, knowing you are sober, is far better than the relief of waking from a bad dream. You were running on empty; as your drinking progressed, you were getting closer to the end of your life.
Make concepts real — if you are having a bad day, start it over, anytime, any number of times.
Visualize — for example, drunk living is wimp living.
Expect good things — they happen when we expect them. Mindset in a positive light gets us to perceive positive, helpful things rather than negative, destructive things.
Interrupt negative thoughts — identify them as ‘drinking thinking’ or some such. Change them, turn them around, obliterate them.
Look at drunks — especially when they are trying to pass as sober. Listen to what they are saying. Is that a wonderful life?
Action — no matter how small it seems.
From the SOS web page:
toolkit
my intention to live and be clean today
hi all....just checking in. I'm moving through sobriety still (in the 50's)
I'm taking a moment right now, to rededicate this day to the Light of the higher power, to reaffirm my intention to live and be clean today. just for today.
I have to work hard at recovery. I am in the "foundation" part of recovery. These moments are beautiful; like the high school days were the foundation for my early adult life.
sometimes there are moments that don't feel good. I can be with those moments today. I can feel those uncomfortable feelings today instead of running away from them in the bottle, drug, food, etc.
sometimes the moment feels good. and I can let go of those moments today, instead of clinging to them in fear that i wont feel good again for a long time.
sometimes I get complacent. and it is for times like those, that i need to work hard at my "self constructed rehab center", my recovery, from the moment i wake until my last waking breath.
Last night i went to a new meeting and i felt some discomfort. I new that was a good thing as I was sitting there, even though I felt alone. it is this lonliness that i must walk through today, among other things like fear and anger too.
Take care, and here is a poem i wrote this week:
(by Jerry Kitchen)
it makes me sad
that I have to die someday
it also makes me
want to live with purpose
it makes me wonder
what of my beginning
and of my failings
and selfishness
and petty-ness
it makes me sad
that I have to die someday
it makes me want to change
it makes me also
want to be filled with Light
far from the darkness
of my thoughts and actions
of my past
it brings me hope
as I believe more each day
that I can be
more simple and free
that I can fly
in eternity
and also love
in an instant
and this erases
the lines of pain and hate
that lie in my face of
history in my eyes
so that I can see,
see the Light
when all is dark
I'm taking a moment right now, to rededicate this day to the Light of the higher power, to reaffirm my intention to live and be clean today. just for today.
I have to work hard at recovery. I am in the "foundation" part of recovery. These moments are beautiful; like the high school days were the foundation for my early adult life.
sometimes there are moments that don't feel good. I can be with those moments today. I can feel those uncomfortable feelings today instead of running away from them in the bottle, drug, food, etc.
sometimes the moment feels good. and I can let go of those moments today, instead of clinging to them in fear that i wont feel good again for a long time.
sometimes I get complacent. and it is for times like those, that i need to work hard at my "self constructed rehab center", my recovery, from the moment i wake until my last waking breath.
Last night i went to a new meeting and i felt some discomfort. I new that was a good thing as I was sitting there, even though I felt alone. it is this lonliness that i must walk through today, among other things like fear and anger too.
Take care, and here is a poem i wrote this week:
Quote:
|
Someday |
(by Jerry Kitchen)
it makes me sad
that I have to die someday
it also makes me
want to live with purpose
it makes me wonder
what of my beginning
and of my failings
and selfishness
and petty-ness
it makes me sad
that I have to die someday
it makes me want to change
it makes me also
want to be filled with Light
far from the darkness
of my thoughts and actions
of my past
it brings me hope
as I believe more each day
that I can be
more simple and free
that I can fly
in eternity
and also love
in an instant
and this erases
the lines of pain and hate
that lie in my face of
history in my eyes
so that I can see,
see the Light
when all is dark
I have the Courage !!!
Hi All,
Let me first say this site is wonderful and though provoking. I have never felt so connected to so many people over one subject. It really is nice to know that you are not alone in what feels to be complete darkness and solitude.
I first started experimenting with Lortabs(Loris) about 5 years ago. I would take my friend to Kinkos to make fake Rx and then fill them. He would throw me a couple here and there and I would take them to chill or save them for stressful days at work( waiting tables at the time). They help to take the edge off and I would consuume no more than 10-12 a month at random times.
Once I moved from Miami back home to West Palm Beach I did not take them simply because there was no need or access. Life went on without a hitch. Then a close relative started giving them to me because he always had an abundance. Well a 10-12 a month intake gradually grew to 6-8 a day HABIT!!
I rapidly became an addiction. I knew I was in trouble when my supply would run out from the relative I would resort to a friend who sold them to me. Over what quickly became the next year I barely went more than a few hours without taking them. I knew I had to stop because I was now spending my bill and rent money to support my habit.
Rock bottom came when I found myself EVICTED from my apartment because I had fallen behind on my rent and could not catch up. Getting my Pills took precendece over having a place to live. I moved back home with the story that I had broken my lease to save money to buy a Condo. My immediately family knew I was evicted, but did not know the true reasons why.
I have been living at home for 9 months now and quite the pills for 2 months in April, but somehow found a reason to use again. On Friday, November 28, 2008. I made the decision that I must stop with the pills. My use was out of control and the money I was spending to keep my supply coming was taking a serious toll on my finances.
I took my last pill (LORI, Hydrocodone) yesterday at 5:35 pm. I made the decision that would be it. Today I am at work. The withdrawls have not been that bad so far aside from the extremely uncomfortable muscle aches. I took Motrin today(fearfully), but it really help alleviate the pain.
I think my biggest fear in quitting is losing that false since of control and emotional comfort that made almost anything bearable. What I failed to realize is all the pain was still there is was just numbed. Now that the Haze of the past 2 years is starting to lift I feel like I can truely began to be connected to everyone and everything again. Sure everyday wont be easy, but atleast I would feel My Life again!!
All the feedback and support through this journey would be greatly appreciated
Thanks:a194:
Let me first say this site is wonderful and though provoking. I have never felt so connected to so many people over one subject. It really is nice to know that you are not alone in what feels to be complete darkness and solitude.
I first started experimenting with Lortabs(Loris) about 5 years ago. I would take my friend to Kinkos to make fake Rx and then fill them. He would throw me a couple here and there and I would take them to chill or save them for stressful days at work( waiting tables at the time). They help to take the edge off and I would consuume no more than 10-12 a month at random times.
Once I moved from Miami back home to West Palm Beach I did not take them simply because there was no need or access. Life went on without a hitch. Then a close relative started giving them to me because he always had an abundance. Well a 10-12 a month intake gradually grew to 6-8 a day HABIT!!
I rapidly became an addiction. I knew I was in trouble when my supply would run out from the relative I would resort to a friend who sold them to me. Over what quickly became the next year I barely went more than a few hours without taking them. I knew I had to stop because I was now spending my bill and rent money to support my habit.
Rock bottom came when I found myself EVICTED from my apartment because I had fallen behind on my rent and could not catch up. Getting my Pills took precendece over having a place to live. I moved back home with the story that I had broken my lease to save money to buy a Condo. My immediately family knew I was evicted, but did not know the true reasons why.
I have been living at home for 9 months now and quite the pills for 2 months in April, but somehow found a reason to use again. On Friday, November 28, 2008. I made the decision that I must stop with the pills. My use was out of control and the money I was spending to keep my supply coming was taking a serious toll on my finances.
I took my last pill (LORI, Hydrocodone) yesterday at 5:35 pm. I made the decision that would be it. Today I am at work. The withdrawls have not been that bad so far aside from the extremely uncomfortable muscle aches. I took Motrin today(fearfully), but it really help alleviate the pain.
I think my biggest fear in quitting is losing that false since of control and emotional comfort that made almost anything bearable. What I failed to realize is all the pain was still there is was just numbed. Now that the Haze of the past 2 years is starting to lift I feel like I can truely began to be connected to everyone and everything again. Sure everyday wont be easy, but atleast I would feel My Life again!!
All the feedback and support through this journey would be greatly appreciated
Thanks:a194:
up, down, through
hi all DAY 25 I think!
today was a wonderful day that contained a wide range of the gammit of life. up, down, through. and today I am starting off again. nothing is guaranteed. at the end of yesterday I thought i had it. i mean i was in a state of peace with the difficulties that i had been absorbed in during the day at work.
they may be coming back now. well they have a tiny bit. but i'm not going to name them right now. I'm going to live in the solution: In Love.
I wrote a poem recently and would like to share it with you
and
have a wonderfully fully lived day!
Never turn back
(by Ksplash)
After the storm
the peace is so great
like warm winter snow fallin midst the sun.
Then Light fills your heart
with conviction so strong you begin
once again on the path
that leads to your dreams
which are revealed more each day...
as you live in the light
so never turn back to darkness
or things that transport you back
to that place of complete living hell
and when it hurts just keep hanging on
and someday you will be well!
today was a wonderful day that contained a wide range of the gammit of life. up, down, through. and today I am starting off again. nothing is guaranteed. at the end of yesterday I thought i had it. i mean i was in a state of peace with the difficulties that i had been absorbed in during the day at work.
they may be coming back now. well they have a tiny bit. but i'm not going to name them right now. I'm going to live in the solution: In Love.
I wrote a poem recently and would like to share it with you
and
have a wonderfully fully lived day!
Never turn back
(by Ksplash)
After the storm
the peace is so great
like warm winter snow fallin midst the sun.
Then Light fills your heart
with conviction so strong you begin
once again on the path
that leads to your dreams
which are revealed more each day...
as you live in the light
so never turn back to darkness
or things that transport you back
to that place of complete living hell
and when it hurts just keep hanging on
and someday you will be well!
Finding a way to leave the darkness?
I hide in my brain a lot of things, anger, hurt...worry. And whenever I hear can of anything not even alcohol open...I--I tense up and a very angry hateful feeling raises hell within me. I'm so angry all the time, and I can't show it. And my dad--well he's too alcohol'd up to notice. My mom is a classic enabler along with my sister, and my brother well he's the smart kid who got lucky by being born 8 years ahead of me, and now moved out. My sister...she's not here either. And I'm loosing all my friends because I'm trying to cover up his problem. I feel like there's this blackhole inside of me, sucking out all the good things left and somehow warping them so the minute I can enjoy them they're already within its gravitational field and you can't reverse the process...I want to reverse the process, but I don't know how...
I have no hope of a happy ending--my father's drinking himself into a brick wall that even with all of superman's strength and the hulk's combined, my dad still wouldn't be able to get through it. And I'm angry that he's doing this; killing himself slowly and using the money he earns for alcohol verses to buy food for the house. It's not fair. And I can't seem to find any light, no open window...I feel like i'm sophocating in my own hurting that I'm letting things pass me buy...
I don't know how to deal anymore...
I have no hope of a happy ending--my father's drinking himself into a brick wall that even with all of superman's strength and the hulk's combined, my dad still wouldn't be able to get through it. And I'm angry that he's doing this; killing himself slowly and using the money he earns for alcohol verses to buy food for the house. It's not fair. And I can't seem to find any light, no open window...I feel like i'm sophocating in my own hurting that I'm letting things pass me buy...
I don't know how to deal anymore...
Inspirational songs?
Here's mine at the moment, have lots though.
Manowar - Carry On: YouTube - Manowar - Carry On
The north star always guides me
When winter skies are gray
And I wait for sun when all are one
I shall not betray
Calling at me
Im waiting when all are led astray
Carry on my sons forever
Carry on when I am gone
Carry on when the day is long
Forever carry on
For as long as were together
Then forever carry on
Darkness all around us
We dont close our eyes
No ones gonna ground us
We were burn to fly
Cominat us no stopping
Born to amplify
Carry on my sons forever
Carry on when I am gone
Carry on when the day is long
Forever carry on
For as long as were together
Then forever carry on
Yea,be my brother
Fight to stay alive
All the world cant change us
With all their burned-out jive
Come get us now were waiting
We wont run and hide
Carry on my sons forever
Carry on when I am gone
Carry on when the day is long
Forever carry on
For as long as were together
Then forever carry on
Now were all together
Lets sing a fighting song
One hundred thousand riders
We cant all be wrong
Cominat us no stopping
Always carry on
Carry on my sons forever
Carry on when I am gone
Carry on when the day is long
Forever carry on
For as long as were together
Then forever carry on
\m/
Post yours!
Manowar - Carry On: YouTube - Manowar - Carry On
The north star always guides me
When winter skies are gray
And I wait for sun when all are one
I shall not betray
Calling at me
Im waiting when all are led astray
Carry on my sons forever
Carry on when I am gone
Carry on when the day is long
Forever carry on
For as long as were together
Then forever carry on
Darkness all around us
We dont close our eyes
No ones gonna ground us
We were burn to fly
Cominat us no stopping
Born to amplify
Carry on my sons forever
Carry on when I am gone
Carry on when the day is long
Forever carry on
For as long as were together
Then forever carry on
Yea,be my brother
Fight to stay alive
All the world cant change us
With all their burned-out jive
Come get us now were waiting
We wont run and hide
Carry on my sons forever
Carry on when I am gone
Carry on when the day is long
Forever carry on
For as long as were together
Then forever carry on
Now were all together
Lets sing a fighting song
One hundred thousand riders
We cant all be wrong
Cominat us no stopping
Always carry on
Carry on my sons forever
Carry on when I am gone
Carry on when the day is long
Forever carry on
For as long as were together
Then forever carry on
\m/
Post yours!
Set me free G-d
I feel strong and empowered.. not weak and confined.. I am powerless many things, but not powerless to the strength to send my ah out on his ass.. too long.. Im tired,, exhaused from the emotional toll this has been on my life.. 9 long years of exhaustion.... I carried it as long as I could.. Im done.. Life is too beautiful and my beautiful daughter is too precious.. After 5 months away in rehab, 4 months sober my husband has gone from the grateful father and husband to a downward spiral of darkness, evil and depression.. All those old feelings are back,,, the fear,rage and frustration. this time its different though.. I can see clearly on what is best for me and my daughter...Im not lost in the clouds like I was for so long..trying, too hard. I have given my husband plenty of opportunity to step up to the plate and grap onto his own reins...He refuses...he would rather slither away in his own sickness.. Im done... I WILL NOT LIVE THIS WAY ANYMORE.. It was a statement I made the day he left for rehab..And It has stayed with me. His relapse has taken him far into the darkness and I choose the light...He resists sober living.. he resists A.A.. I can say I love my husband so much and it pains me to break free..but I can and I will.. Life is too much of a miracle to spend trying to save, when Now is the time to save myself..He wont leave the house.. I have to go to the courthouse and file temp.rest..order...and send him right to the place his disease will carry him.. the the gutter.. It breaks my heart.you all know the loving men that these guys are... its sad..how his mind is just controlled.. he has become my worst fear. I have no other choice but to send him out without anything.. HE has nothing.No money, no friends,, and the family is with me on this onee,,what will he do???? At this point its not MY ISSUE anymore..Im on my way to taking my life back... step by step:):praying
I LOVE this exerpt!!! I hope it lifts someone today :)
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
As we are liberated from our own fear, Our presence automatically liberates others.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
As we are liberated from our own fear, Our presence automatically liberates others.
JFT Sept 14 - Secrets Are Reservations
September 14
Everyone has secrets, right? Some of us have little secrets, items that would cause only minor embarrassment if found out. Some of us have big secrets, whole areas of our lives cloaked in thick, murky darkness. Big secrets may represent a more obvious, immediate danger to our recovery. But the little secrets do their own kind of damage, the more insidious perhaps because we think they’re “harmless.”
Big or little, our secrets represent spiritual territory we are unwilling to surrender to the principles of recovery. The longer we reserve pieces of our lives to be ruled by self-will and the more vigorously we defend our “right” to hold onto them, the more damage we do. Gradually, the unsurrendered territories of our lives tend to expand, taking more and more ground.
Whether the secrets in our lives are big or little, sooner or later they bring us to the same place. We must choose—either we surrender everything to our program, or we will lose our recovery.
Just for today: I want the kind of recovery that comes from total surrender to the program. Today, I will talk with my sponsor and disclose my secrets, big or small.
Copyright © 1991-2008 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved
Secrets are reservations
“Eventually we are shown that we must get honest, or we will use again.”
Basic Text, p. 82
––––=––––
––––=––––
Everyone has secrets, right? Some of us have little secrets, items that would cause only minor embarrassment if found out. Some of us have big secrets, whole areas of our lives cloaked in thick, murky darkness. Big secrets may represent a more obvious, immediate danger to our recovery. But the little secrets do their own kind of damage, the more insidious perhaps because we think they’re “harmless.”
Big or little, our secrets represent spiritual territory we are unwilling to surrender to the principles of recovery. The longer we reserve pieces of our lives to be ruled by self-will and the more vigorously we defend our “right” to hold onto them, the more damage we do. Gradually, the unsurrendered territories of our lives tend to expand, taking more and more ground.
Whether the secrets in our lives are big or little, sooner or later they bring us to the same place. We must choose—either we surrender everything to our program, or we will lose our recovery.
––––=––––
Just for today: I want the kind of recovery that comes from total surrender to the program. Today, I will talk with my sponsor and disclose my secrets, big or small.
Copyright © 1991-2008 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved
Tell me about your User Name!
I know it is kind of an obsure question, and some of them are very obvious, which I appreciate so much, like: Tryingsohard, NoMoMerlotMamma, TooMutch, TTOBST (To Thine On Self Be True), ItsMyTime, etc. But I remember sitting at my office trying to think of something unique and I just sat there thinking and thinking, uh computer, no printerhead, no pencilhead, no calendargirl, NO all of a sudden I came up with Eclipse...no idea where it came from...just popped into my head. So I went with it. Later I googled eclipse just to see what it would say and this is what I got:
In Greek: "I cease to exist," "I am absent",
The loss, usually temporary or partial, of light, brilliancy, luster, honor, consciousness, etc.; obscuration; gloom; darkness.
to darken or hide
How depressing! is this all a subconscious thing that I am just figuring out in my new state of soberness? Is there where I had gone?
I think I may have to change my name at some point to: sunburst
a sudden emergence of the sun from behind clouds --we'll see how things go!
How did you come up with you user name and wow I am too deep for myself tonite!:e088:
In Greek: "I cease to exist," "I am absent",
The loss, usually temporary or partial, of light, brilliancy, luster, honor, consciousness, etc.; obscuration; gloom; darkness.
to darken or hide
How depressing! is this all a subconscious thing that I am just figuring out in my new state of soberness? Is there where I had gone?
I think I may have to change my name at some point to: sunburst
a sudden emergence of the sun from behind clouds --we'll see how things go!
How did you come up with you user name and wow I am too deep for myself tonite!:e088:
