Archive for the ‘Dawn’ tag
Hes homeless, injured and theres a warrant for him
What am I suposed to do?? Let him suffer and maybe die?? Hes got a broken tooth and scratches all over him. He's insane - finding trinkets on the street that are magical to him - and he failed to appear in court Friday, and so there's a warrant for him. His mom saw him Sunday and said he's dirty, injured and behaving very oddly. He called me at 4am Sunday morning and said he was hitch hiking to Boulder, but he told his parents he had been in Denver since dawn. I am so worried about him, he is out of his mind. I'm sure hes drinking all the time - or as much as he can afford to. Its cold out, its dangerous living on the streets, and he needs help. I dont know what to do. I'm not prepared for the worst.
My story :(
Hi friends!!
I think some of you already read my story at another thread..
First of all thank you for being there. This message board rules!!
I wanted to share my story and vent a little. These have been the toughest weeks I have lived and all your words are great support.
I fell in love as I have never before with this guy who was really sweet and loving (HAH!). He was incredible. I lived with my best girlfriend and had a job I liked, although it was very very stressful. Those were simpler, happier times.
This guy got a job opportunity in another city and he asked me if I would follow him.. after a month I got the chance to join the same company, we lived together with another one of his friends. We were very very happy about this chance.
One weekend we went to a beach and got drunk, at night he started making all these unbelievably hurtful comments about things I have shared to him in confidence. I usually never cry infront of anyone, not even him. Well I just started crying right away in disbelief. It came to me as a shock and a surprise that he could be so cruel. There were many times that we shared our hurt and cried and cried hugging each other until dawn.. we were really close. His mother died some years ago (I believe that was the start of his drinking spree) and I have also gone through tough stuff. He was also my best friend, you know.
Of course later he apologized and said he would never do it again(another HAH!). We cried all night. At one point he said I did not deserve this and that I had to promise to him I was going to be happy. "Even without me" he said. Yeah because for him it is easier I make the dirty work of moving on and he cannot make an effort to change and keep me!! DAMN!!
The second discussion was when he started drinking with the roomate, at first I was cool about it, then 3, 4, 5, 6 AM and he was still there, drinking... I got angry and he said that if something bothered me I should say it... he was right.
But then he started saying that he had already written a letter to me, as he knew this was going to be over, that he was going to take "a very lonely path only he understands" (oh yeah) and I said "well.. if you are so sure about it then what are you waiting for with me?" and he said "yes perhaps this is the moment to break up". Wow. By then it was already 8AM so I just went out the place crying, walked and talked to my mom.... that was the day I was moving out with him to this place we had already paid for... of course he woke up as people were coming from his things and he hadn't any cash available so he even had the nerve to ask me for cash... it was very stressful.
Later on he said he did not remember much and that maybe being with me and finding that "unknown" stuff did not have to be separate... I was very angry he could just... change his mind...
The third discussion was when he was extremely drunk after one of his friend's wedding. I had to talk a lot so he could give me the keys so I could drive (not the first time). When we arrived to my place he started babbling and also kind of breaking up with me. Of course we never really talked, just slept and had sex and pretended nothing happened the next day. Next day my mom prepared food for us and he was trembling...
Many times he called me drunk stating how much he loved me, missed me, etc. I wonder why I did not see the signs before? As I also like partying I just thought he was having fun, but did not know the extent of it until I lived together with him.
After going to a therapist I decided to leave. When I arrived I was angry and when I saw him his breath smelled of beer. It was tuesday afternoon. I just got really sad, you know? He was just like "well everything has its time.. you should not depend that much in other people" Wow. He asked for a hug. I walked away.
I think some of you already read my story at another thread..
First of all thank you for being there. This message board rules!!
I wanted to share my story and vent a little. These have been the toughest weeks I have lived and all your words are great support.
I fell in love as I have never before with this guy who was really sweet and loving (HAH!). He was incredible. I lived with my best girlfriend and had a job I liked, although it was very very stressful. Those were simpler, happier times.
This guy got a job opportunity in another city and he asked me if I would follow him.. after a month I got the chance to join the same company, we lived together with another one of his friends. We were very very happy about this chance.
One weekend we went to a beach and got drunk, at night he started making all these unbelievably hurtful comments about things I have shared to him in confidence. I usually never cry infront of anyone, not even him. Well I just started crying right away in disbelief. It came to me as a shock and a surprise that he could be so cruel. There were many times that we shared our hurt and cried and cried hugging each other until dawn.. we were really close. His mother died some years ago (I believe that was the start of his drinking spree) and I have also gone through tough stuff. He was also my best friend, you know.
Of course later he apologized and said he would never do it again(another HAH!). We cried all night. At one point he said I did not deserve this and that I had to promise to him I was going to be happy. "Even without me" he said. Yeah because for him it is easier I make the dirty work of moving on and he cannot make an effort to change and keep me!! DAMN!!
The second discussion was when he started drinking with the roomate, at first I was cool about it, then 3, 4, 5, 6 AM and he was still there, drinking... I got angry and he said that if something bothered me I should say it... he was right.
But then he started saying that he had already written a letter to me, as he knew this was going to be over, that he was going to take "a very lonely path only he understands" (oh yeah) and I said "well.. if you are so sure about it then what are you waiting for with me?" and he said "yes perhaps this is the moment to break up". Wow. By then it was already 8AM so I just went out the place crying, walked and talked to my mom.... that was the day I was moving out with him to this place we had already paid for... of course he woke up as people were coming from his things and he hadn't any cash available so he even had the nerve to ask me for cash... it was very stressful.
Later on he said he did not remember much and that maybe being with me and finding that "unknown" stuff did not have to be separate... I was very angry he could just... change his mind...
The third discussion was when he was extremely drunk after one of his friend's wedding. I had to talk a lot so he could give me the keys so I could drive (not the first time). When we arrived to my place he started babbling and also kind of breaking up with me. Of course we never really talked, just slept and had sex and pretended nothing happened the next day. Next day my mom prepared food for us and he was trembling...
Many times he called me drunk stating how much he loved me, missed me, etc. I wonder why I did not see the signs before? As I also like partying I just thought he was having fun, but did not know the extent of it until I lived together with him.
After going to a therapist I decided to leave. When I arrived I was angry and when I saw him his breath smelled of beer. It was tuesday afternoon. I just got really sad, you know? He was just like "well everything has its time.. you should not depend that much in other people" Wow. He asked for a hug. I walked away.
WhooHoo!!
IÂ’m really proud of myself today. A friend of mine invited me to the Phillies parade party at CitizenÂ’s Bank Park and I accepted, not really realizing what a drunken festival the parade would be. There were SO many people there--seriously, at least a million people came down to this parade. Most of them drunk off their a**. I told my friend the night before that I no longer drink and she was cool with that. IÂ’m really glad that I did, because when I smelled all the beer at the parade, I really wanted to have some myself. I almost think that if I hadnÂ’t told her, I might have let myself have one. I would like to think that I am strong enough to control myself, but I donÂ’t have too much experience with control yet. We walked back into the city from the stadiums and she commented on how happy she was to be completely sober. So many people around us were obviously intoxicated. One drunk guy even thought he could outrun 10 policemen who were chasing him--so not smart.
I took the train home from the city and itÂ’s about a 10 minute walk to my house. The only direct route takes me right by a local bar, and a part of me wanted to go inside and have a beer so badly. I contemplated taking a shortcut, but I would have had to climb a really high fence and I thought I might get hurt or rip my pants. I ended up calling a friend and talking to him until I got home, and it didnÂ’t dawn on me until a bit ago that I didnÂ’t even notice the bar when I walked by it. Now IÂ’m going to curl up with some tea and watch a movie. Today was a really good day.
I took the train home from the city and itÂ’s about a 10 minute walk to my house. The only direct route takes me right by a local bar, and a part of me wanted to go inside and have a beer so badly. I contemplated taking a shortcut, but I would have had to climb a really high fence and I thought I might get hurt or rip my pants. I ended up calling a friend and talking to him until I got home, and it didnÂ’t dawn on me until a bit ago that I didnÂ’t even notice the bar when I walked by it. Now IÂ’m going to curl up with some tea and watch a movie. Today was a really good day.
Hey All..
I am a 32 year old male from the north Texas area. I am an alcoholic. I have active in my addiction for 12 years? Maybe longer.
I have 4 children ranging in ages from 5 months to 13 years. I am totally functioning. I own my own successful business, I am very involved in my kids extra circular activities. I go 90 miles an hour every day, and I start drinking at the crack of dawn every morning.
I have known that I am an alcoholic for years. When I was 25 years old I quit for 4 months. I was a regular at AA meetings, had a sponsor, even went into an inpatient rehab facility. I just thought that I was better than the "system." That I didn't need it. I could be that guy who didn't go to meetings, work a program, and be sober.
Obviously, it didn't work, because here I am again. I need help. I need to be pointed in a direction. I have a 5 month old little girl. My wife is so exahusted with me, and rightfully so. I can't imagine having to live with me...I don't live with myself, I am drunk all the time. When I sober up long enough to feel bad at what a jerk I was the night/day before....I take another drink and all that guilt is gone.
Being sober scares me. The feelings that I have when I am sober make my skin crawl. The anxiety, the guilt. It's just so much to overcome without a program. I have actually stopped drinking more often than ever the last 2 or 3 months. I took 4 or 5 days of soberity with me on a few occassions. It was a white knuckled sober. Every second of the soberity seemed like an eternity. I need to be working a program.
I am not the type of person to just walk into a meeting without knowing anyone there. I guess I am stubborn. And I admit that, I am broken down. I don't want to give any more excuses. I just want to start the journey to a better place. My wife deserves it, my daughter and sons deserve it...and most importantly, I deserve it.
Can anyone guide me here?
I have 4 children ranging in ages from 5 months to 13 years. I am totally functioning. I own my own successful business, I am very involved in my kids extra circular activities. I go 90 miles an hour every day, and I start drinking at the crack of dawn every morning.
I have known that I am an alcoholic for years. When I was 25 years old I quit for 4 months. I was a regular at AA meetings, had a sponsor, even went into an inpatient rehab facility. I just thought that I was better than the "system." That I didn't need it. I could be that guy who didn't go to meetings, work a program, and be sober.
Obviously, it didn't work, because here I am again. I need help. I need to be pointed in a direction. I have a 5 month old little girl. My wife is so exahusted with me, and rightfully so. I can't imagine having to live with me...I don't live with myself, I am drunk all the time. When I sober up long enough to feel bad at what a jerk I was the night/day before....I take another drink and all that guilt is gone.
Being sober scares me. The feelings that I have when I am sober make my skin crawl. The anxiety, the guilt. It's just so much to overcome without a program. I have actually stopped drinking more often than ever the last 2 or 3 months. I took 4 or 5 days of soberity with me on a few occassions. It was a white knuckled sober. Every second of the soberity seemed like an eternity. I need to be working a program.
I am not the type of person to just walk into a meeting without knowing anyone there. I guess I am stubborn. And I admit that, I am broken down. I don't want to give any more excuses. I just want to start the journey to a better place. My wife deserves it, my daughter and sons deserve it...and most importantly, I deserve it.
Can anyone guide me here?
Bitter morass of self-pity
"No words can tell of the loneliness and despair I found in that bitter morass of self-pity. Quicksand stretched around me in all directions. I had met my match. I had been overwhelmed. Alcohol was my master.
"Trembling, I stepped from the hospital a broken man. Fear sobered me for a bit. Then came the insidious insanity of that first drink, and on Armistice Day 1934, I was off again. Everyone became resigned to the certainty that I would have to be shut up somewhere, or would stumble along to a miserable end. How dark it is before the dawn! In reality that was the beginning of my last debauch. I was soon to be catapulted into what I like to call the fourth dimension of existence. I was to know happiness, peace, and usefulness, in a way of life that is incredibly more wonderful as time passes."
(All excerpts used are solely from the First Edition of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.)
I read the Big Book before I dared to venture out to my first AA meeting.
This was the passage that changed my life. For the first time, I realized that my alcohol problem is not unique -- and there is a solution.
Thank you all for showing up to those meetings. We need each other.
"Trembling, I stepped from the hospital a broken man. Fear sobered me for a bit. Then came the insidious insanity of that first drink, and on Armistice Day 1934, I was off again. Everyone became resigned to the certainty that I would have to be shut up somewhere, or would stumble along to a miserable end. How dark it is before the dawn! In reality that was the beginning of my last debauch. I was soon to be catapulted into what I like to call the fourth dimension of existence. I was to know happiness, peace, and usefulness, in a way of life that is incredibly more wonderful as time passes."
(All excerpts used are solely from the First Edition of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.)
I read the Big Book before I dared to venture out to my first AA meeting.
This was the passage that changed my life. For the first time, I realized that my alcohol problem is not unique -- and there is a solution.
Thank you all for showing up to those meetings. We need each other.
Stop It!!!!!Just STOP!
I can't take it anymore!! He tells me everythings okay....he's not going anywhere. Don't worry he says. I can't do this. It hurts toooooo much. Just when I think I'm going to be okay he puts songs like this on his ms page.
Life it seems, will fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters no one else
I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free
Things are not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this cant be real
Cannot stand this hell I feel
Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me, but now hes gone
No one but me can save myself, but its too late
Now I cant think, think why I should even try
Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death greets me warm, now I will just say good-bye
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO THINK??? SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME!
~ LOST AND CONFUSED
Life it seems, will fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters no one else
I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free
Things are not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this cant be real
Cannot stand this hell I feel
Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me, but now hes gone
No one but me can save myself, but its too late
Now I cant think, think why I should even try
Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death greets me warm, now I will just say good-bye
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO THINK??? SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME!
~ LOST AND CONFUSED
Broken heart
Well i finally did it. Almost 2 yrs of trying my darnest to help this man by being there, supporting, and loving him unconditionally. I never thought it would end this way. After rehab i thought we were on our way. The first relapse crushed me and than the 2nd has taken every bit of life i have out of me. He cant even face me which hurts most of all. We are best friends and he wont even confide in me, he wants to keep me left out and i want so bad to understand. I took the engagement ring off, it seems like all my hopes and dreams are gone and i will never understand why. This was so senseless..why couldnt he just get it together..all the promises were broken and im left here with wondering why. Please remember me in your prayers, this is so tuff. I hope i did the right thing by ending this...maybe one day he will realize all the things in life hes lost and wake up. This too shall pass.......~Dawn
I need your help please
I've not been here for a long, long time. I've just simply gone downhill.
I'm unemployed now so I can totally devote my days and my nights to drinking my life away.
I have really, really good insurance........Anthem........the best plan they offer.
My question is this.............where do I begin?
Do I start with a doc and ask for the pills that help you not to drink, do I start with AA or do I start with the insurance company?
I'm ready to check in to rehab.......ready to do whatever it takes.
I'm to the point that I drink all day and all night...........crash for a day to get over the hangover and then go do it again.
My life is totally out of control and I need help and I need help bad and I need it now.
I am a drunk.............an alcholic...............I can't help myself no more.......I need someone to help me help me and I want it.
Where do I begin? Please help me!
Love.............Starlite Dawn
PS...........Thank you in advance..............
I'm unemployed now so I can totally devote my days and my nights to drinking my life away.
I have really, really good insurance........Anthem........the best plan they offer.
My question is this.............where do I begin?
Do I start with a doc and ask for the pills that help you not to drink, do I start with AA or do I start with the insurance company?
I'm ready to check in to rehab.......ready to do whatever it takes.
I'm to the point that I drink all day and all night...........crash for a day to get over the hangover and then go do it again.
My life is totally out of control and I need help and I need help bad and I need it now.
I am a drunk.............an alcholic...............I can't help myself no more.......I need someone to help me help me and I want it.
Where do I begin? Please help me!
Love.............Starlite Dawn
PS...........Thank you in advance..............
